ulkoillareplies

[ulkoillareplies]

Also not to be a huge cunt but please note that this poll wasn't targeted to only those users from USA / other places where ACT UP is active. I'm not expecting anyone from a different country and culture to be able to explain what is, for example, SETA or Sukupuolen moninaisuuden osaamiskeskus. Could make a fun poll though.

[ulkoillareplies]

I can only answer on my part but perhaps some of this can be generalized (although I’m a occasional smut reader, not a smut writer)

Sex can be really extreme.

If the smut is about two consenting adults in a loving relationship, I tend to click away so hard it’s a miracle my mouse hasn’t broken yet. But if thing get Super Weird, I’m interested again. 40K of torture porn? Please keep talking. Monsterfucking and cross-species relationships? Sure, I’ll check it out.

One of the most impressive fics I’ve ever read was literally an dubcon underage incest piece with some torture thrown in the mix. For a long time I wondered why.

Recently I realized that the Weird Shit adds subtext. I enjoyed that dubcon underage incest piece, not because I though it was sexy, but because it was so very extreme. Not only the obvious way though. It wasn’t a long piece, less than 10k I think, but with those few words there was a HUGE amount of interaction and emotion. The reluctance to engage. Love that’s there but somehow… not right. Hate mixed with love, love mixed with hate. Tiredness. Pain. A prison. A tragedy. Power and lack of it. Pleasure. Social commentary.

It’s not every smut, not even every weird smut that has this sort of stuff but if it’s there, it tends to be in the Weird and Not Nice.

Do I read violence for the same reasons? I absolutely do!

Why are so many smut writers asexual?? Why do we crave the sex when it’s in written form? Is it because we romanticize it, we take out the human parts- the unfavorable scents and the sticky sensations, the feel of sweat on skin? Because we erase the anxieties and the uncomfortableness? Because we remove ourselves from the equation and only imagine it with others?

[ulkoillareplies]

These are true points as such but I think small, more manageable exotic pets should not be forgotten when talking about exotic pet ownership.

Guinea pigs, geckos, frogs and such clearly are not in the same level of difficulty than a pack of wolves.

I get this is not really about pet geckos. But a gecko etc. is "any other exotic animal", and probably most motivated people with position to ethically own some kind of an animal have means and preparedness to ethically have an exotic animal too. Not any exotic animal, obviously, but an exotic animal.

So, let's talk about exotics and why you're probably not a responsible owner. (This isn't directed specifically at OP as I don't know them or their situation, rather just in general.)

Most celebrities with money to buy the best enclosures, food, care, vets, etc. aren't even capable of taking care of exotics. Let alone "normal" people.

Most people are not equipped to best care for an exotic animal because the simple fact is exotic animals aren't meant to be pets. Animals mixed with coyotes or wolves, lions, chimps, or any other exotic animal.

Ethics of breeding

Before you even get the animal, you have to deal with the ethics of them being bred. How do the breeders you're looking to use operate? Do they poach babies, for example? Such as the high rate of trafficked cheetahs.

Do they practice unethical breeding practices such as excessive breeding or inbreeding?

What are the conditions their animals live in? Are they well taken care of with lots of space? Are they in good health?

Space

The biggest issue people run into is simply not having the space for the animal. Wolves, for example, cover around 30 miles a day while hunting. They can run up to 40MPH.

These animals cannot be kept in the house. You simply cannot give them enough exercise if you keep them in the house and just walk them.

So, let's say you keep them outside. You have to have a big enough yard for them to run full speed if they want to.

Do you have that kind of space available to you?

But you also need fences to keep them in the yard. Coyotes can jump up to 8 feet and wolves can jump up to 12. So, you have to have a fence that's taller than that and it would probably be best to give them at least a couple feet extra just in case. Do you live in an area that allows you to have fences that tall? Most areas have a fence height of a max of 8 feet.

You also have to worry about them digging out. Do you have a feasible plan to stop them from being able to dig out from underneath the fence?

Food

Exotic pets often cost so much money to feed. Wolves need at least 3.7 pounds of meat at the absolute bare minimum just to survive. But on average, they eat about 10 pounds. Do you have a place where you can buy that much meat? Do you have a place to store the meat that isn't being currently eaten? Can you afford to feed them that much? With prices being up so high, people struggle to even feed themselves meat, let alone an animal.

With different kinds of animals, it's also important to provide them their array of diet. Animals such as raccoons and coyotes are what's known as scavenger animals. This means they eat whatever they can come across. It's important to feed them a variety of foods to keep them healthy.

It's also important to be providing them with the appropriate levels of things such as calcium and other vitamins that keep them healthy.

Because there's not a premixed food for them (like there is for dogs or cats) that means you have to do it yourself. It will be at the very least difficult, if not impossible, to make sure they're getting the right amounts of different foods and vitamins needed.

Health

You'll need a vet nearby that you can take your pet to as well as the money to afford them. Where is the closest exotic vet to you? Do they actually care for the type of animal you have? (Keep in mind, there's often a difference between an exotic vet and a large animal vet.) Do they cater to the public or only zoos? What all can they do? Can you afford their vet bills?

Enrichment

Not only does an animal need a lot of things to keep them occupied, they likely also need company. Where it's easy to keep a large group of rats, it will likely be harder to keep a large group of wolves. The average pack size is 4-9, but a minimum of two can happen. Do you have the space and money for at least two wolves? What happens if they become aggressive with one another, what's the game plan at that time?

Danger

Exotic animals pose not only a threat to their owner (who has consented and taken on the risks associated), but also strangers and neighbors who have not consented to taking on that risk.

Do you have kids or animals in your neighborhood? If so, having an exotic pet that can seriously injure/kill something likely isn't the best decision. Coyotes, for example, are notorious for attacking and/or killing pets. And there's even been a few cases of children being attacked by coyotes, and at least one child death due to them.

What happens if your pet escapes?

Pet chimps, for example, have a long history of escaping and posing a threat to others around. They are often a danger to children, animals, and adults in the neighborhood.

What precautions do you have in place if your chimp begins to attack someone or something? And more importantly, can you emotionally and mentally use them?

Calling the police will take too long and they will likely not be equipped to handle the situation.

Do you have sedatives that you can administer successfully from a distance? How long does it take you to get it ready? How long does it take to work?

Do you have a weapon in case you need it? Are you emotionally and mentally able to kill your pet if needed?

TLDR: While there's nothing wrong with truly ethical exotic pet ownership, the vast majority of people simply do not have the means or preparedness to ethically own an exotic pet.

[ulkoillareplies]

First: I get what you are saying. And I mostly agree.

But also:

there has never in the history of ever been a consensual romantic relationship between a minor & an adult - it is abuse, no matter how nice they may seem to you

This is what I call old school anti drug awareness statement. They had a point but the they tried to convey it in b&w manner and when it was dumbed down enough, the whole thing fell apart and even turned onto itself.

In here you are an adult at 18 and minor when you are 17. No sane person states that when two 17 y/o minors are dating and one of them turn 18 before the other, their previously just fine relationship suddenly becomes abuse.

Then it's just a slippery slope to the next thing and then another until it's a 40 y/o "dating" a 12 y/o. These two are clearly, obviously different things but that does not change we are talking about a minor and an adult.

"Well, 18 y/o is not really an adult," people usually say, "so that's not relevant."

It doesn't help. That's the gate to the slippery slope.

If 18 isn't an adult, what is? 20? 25?

In here, age of consent is 16, which works just fine when we are talking about relationships between barely legally adult persons and those who are minors but over the age of consent: these two have and age gap of max 2, maybe 3 years if you want to stretch what it means to be barely legally adult.

At that age 2-3 years is... something but few would say that less than 3 years is an inappropriate age difference. 16 y/o and 20 y/o would probably rise some eyebrows, but on the other hand what's the difference in 18 y/o and 20 y/o? Not much.

And so forth.

"But that's just a slippery slope argument!"

It is. But it is partially true too.

It is also a slippery slope a teenager complimented by an adult may very happily ride.

Especially if and when the other side of the conversation is bringing up the teenagers' status as minors - even if and when it's not just a minors vs. adults thing! An 18 year old, a legal adult, will probably not be in a healthy relationships if they enter it after being told by a 45 year old how pretty and mature they are.

What I'm trying to say in here, I guess, is that instead of being simply told no, people should be taught/instructed to consider their situation.

Are the teenager and the person of their romantic interest in a similar place in life? If, for example, one is in school and the other has finished all schools and is working, doesn't that create an obvious imbalance of knowledge, experience and income - and therefore power?

What can they connect about, if one of them speaks of an algebra class and an after school club, while the other manages a team of coders at work and has afterwork in a bar? And (this seems to sink really well) when the younger one will go to uni/college/au pair/other dream, how is it going to feel, when they already did that. The time of those experiences I still wait for is in the past for them.

if I have any young girls following me please for the love of god listen to me when I say that there has never in the history of ever been a consensual romantic relationship between a minor & an adult - it is abuse, no matter how nice they may seem to you. it doesn’t matter how mature you are or how old you look, any adult trying to pursue you romantically is a predator. no exceptions. please tell someone you trust if an adult is trying to get you to be alone with them/be in a relationship with them. it’s not your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of by talking about it. even if you are the one who initially showed interest, the adult is 100% fully responsible for anything that happens between you and them.

[ulkoillareplies]

I can give a couple examples. Not all of these bothered me, to be fair, this is jost something that comes to mind, some for being recent, some of which I’ve been recently reminded of and some I like. 

Most of the action movies where the hero gets the heroine I’ve just forgotten

Oppenheimer. In a movie with tiny tiny screen time for women, I did not expect to see a scene where the main character has a naked chick banging him in a room with 5 or so old men

Shape of water. A mute girl meets a sea monster. A love story takes place. Admittedly this may not belong in here because it was marketed as a romance movie, so I won’t include others like it.

Any Bond movie I’ve ever watched has a major sex and/or romance plot, but I almost walked out from the newest (No time to die) because it was essentially all romantic plot tumor, where an ex agent chases his ex and wants to play husband and daddy.

Thor: Love and Thunder. Thor’s ex gets sick and meets Thor. Much of the plot is them circling each other. Valkyrie misses her dead lover.

Guardians of the Galaxy 1, 2 and 3. Trilogy of Quinn’s relationship with that green lady

Deadpool 1. boy meets a girl, boy gets sick, boy gets healed but horribly ugly, boy wants to find cure to return to his girl, no cure is found but boy can return to his girl

Deadpool 2. boy is in love with his girl but the girl dies. Boy gets really depressed and a plot-like thing happens. The dead girl is seen again, can’t remember if she was brought back to life or what it was about.

28 days later. Some sexual slavery involved. Jim’s and Selena’s romantic relationship as a major plot component

The Walking dead. Considering that zombies are trying to eat everyone, there’s surprisingly much drama with Rick/his wife/Shane drama and Maggie and whatever her husband was called, just to give a couple examples.

Supernatural. Romance and sex were there from the beginning but angels and some other characters felt like they were included for shipping and romance, and wtf is going on in the latter seasons

House. House/Cuddy, all Wilson’s women. House’s fake wife. Thirteen/Foreman.

The Big Bang Theory. Amy and Sheldon especially bug me

Lexx. Everyone is lusting after everyone, except Kai. Although this may be a lot like Shape of water in this list – the sex/romance and innuendo are much of the point, so in that sense Lexx probably shouldn’t be here.

Merlin. Arthur and Gwen. Very, very awkward relationship development that took ages in screen time.

Peaky Blinders. Tommy starts with a deliciously traumatized, opium-smoking veteran who shows no interest in women, men or farm animals. Then suddenly there are Grace, May and Lizzy and the whole thing is mostly run by Tommy’s dick.

Archer, but that’s kind of Lexx of animation, so.

Legend of Korra. Other artistic choices aside (wtf were you thinking, writers?), what is this Korra/Mako/Asami love triangle? I wanted to watch magic and air bisons.

Many if not most Disney animations rely heavily on romantic plots. Too much work to go through, but let’s say Lion King. Simba kicks himself out and hangs with some cool, probably gay dudes until he meets Nala, falls in love, kicks some hyena ass and has has cubs with the love of his life.

from the bottom of my heart: yes, you sound abnormal talking about *kids shows* like this

[ulkoillareplies]

Tbh, for me this may be the most or the second most difficult part of being ace. I don’t consider myself “purely” aro but I don’t really separate love and friendship, so my experience also has to do with it.

When I was younger I couldn’t separate love from friendship, and didn’t understand my way of experiencing friendship/love wasn’t universal. I saw myself as best friends forever with someone, the kind of friends who will always stay together. I practically saw us being in qpr, although I hadn’t even heard the term back then.

I was in love, and unable to understand he didn’t share how I perceived us. I though he was in love with me the same way I was with him (we were friends). It went on for years. I was 15, 16, 17, 18.

If there is a good time in life for that experience, it’s not when one is a teenager.

We didn’t have a falling out or anything like that. He found new friends (so did I but he was The One), and I found out he shared with his friends things he didn’t share with me. Big things, I don’t know what and it’s not important. Important was that for me, he wasn’t the person I had though he was, and we weren’t what I had though we were.

When I moved to uni, I chose the one in our small town, partly because he was a year younger than I was and I wanted to stay with him. (He moved to a another city when he wen to uni.) 

I started a relationship with an allo man, which was a Mistake and a Disaster but that’s another story. I was with him for a bit more than 10 years, until he met another woman and left me suddenly right after Christmas. I cried after, but it was nothing in comparison with how bad it was to lose my best friend, my first love and my first relationship (even if and when it wasn’t even real in the way I perceived it)

Having a friend you thought you were gonna spend your whole entire life with like start a home together and everything but then it didn’t work out. It’s hard to describe that kind of break up to most people. I made peace with it a long time ago and we’re on good terms now but nothings gonna go back to how it was. That future I thought I was gonna have with them just didn’t happen.

The hardest part at this point is like finding people who relate to me on it. Or even see it as a thing that needs to be moved past. I find myself relating to a lot of people when they talk about break ups with romantic partners but they don’t relate to me. Which is a weird sort of isolating.

I don’t think I’ve ever met someone else with this experience. I had a platonic break up at one point with someone I’m just friends with now. And I don’t think that either of us know how we’re supposed to function with that in the world now. How our negative experiences fit into the world as a whole. And we can’t relate to each other because each other is the problem.

A queerplatonic relationship ending is so weird. Where do you find support? Where do you fit your experiences into the wider world around you? I’ve moved on but I can’t share my woes with others because they just can’t click with me on it. I didn’t think that aspect of it would still be bothering me all this time later but it is. I’ve got exes but they’re not romantic ones. So what do I do about that? Who do I relate to about that? Increasingly the answer seems to be nobody at all.

[ulkoillareplies]

Cut before this becomes ridiculously long

(Deleted this once bc I somehow attached it to a wrong text and shared on my main, the text is the same)

The thinking here is called logic - sexual orientation is based on your sex and on the sex of the people you are attracted to. So you are either homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual.

Some people, as you pointed out, are indeed asexual and don't feel sexual attraction or desire towards anyone : but (even without having sex with anyone, or without feeling sexual desire), they're still either het, homo or bi. Asexuality is a complicated thing, and many people seem to experience it in many different ways, but it still doesn't change the fact that it isn't their complete orientation. They are asexual straights, or asexual gay men, for example. That's why I didn't put it in my first post. It isn't an orientation. You lack sexual desire, that's all. It's not like homosexuality or bisexuality - these are orientations.  

I’ll phrase it differently.  

“homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual are the only sexualities that exist”

This seems to state that all people or either homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual.

Especially in the light of the indented text above, where you remove the option of e.g. aces being “no sexuals”, an ace person still has to be heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual.

How does this fit together with the other bullet points of yours?

You didn’t disagree with the implied definition of heterosexual when I typed it out, so I assume you agree with it.

So we have  

(1) “straights are biological women who like biological men (and penis) or biological men who like biological women (and vagina).“

He doesn’t like vagina, so he’s not straight.

(2) “gay means male homosexual, aka male attracted male, aka biological man attracted to biological men only”

But he’s not attracted to men (and doesn’t like penis). Therefore he’s not a gay man.

(3) “If you like both penises and vaginas, you're bisexual”

He still doesn’t like penises or vaginas, so he’s not bi either.

He doesn’t fill the criteria for any the three possible orientations, but as clarified above, those three are the only three possibilities. So what is he and WHY? Which part doesn’t hold?

"Bisexuals who view themselves as hets" i am sorry what ? You are either bisexual or heterosexual. If you are attracted to people of both sexes, you are bisexual, even if you almost only date people of the same/opposite sex. If you're a male and you are 98% of the time attracted to other males, but sometimes date trans men or masculine women, you are still bisexual.

By bisexuals who view themselves as hets I refer to people who are (in a lack of better phrasing) accidentally or even unknowingly attracted to those of their own gender despite almost exclusively preferring to the opposite gender.

For example, these could be men who find themselves attracted to drag queens (biological men) or trans women (biological men, as covered above). They are into the perceived femininity of a biological man, and many would probably rather jump off the cliff than have sex with another man, but none of that changes they are biological men attracted with biological men (+women), and therefore they must be bi.

Willingness to have sex with the object of their attraction isn’t important either, as shown by classification of those asexuals who don’t want to have sex with anyone but are - apparently - still heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.

We clearly disagree on this. But if a man sees himself as heterosexual, wants to have sex with women, and doesn’t want to have sex with men despite being attracted to e.g. hot drag queens, I don’t think viewing him as straight isn’t incorrect in my opinion.

I don’t think this is a type of bi that we can expect to see plenty in LGBT spaces (keeping in mind they view themselves straight as just stated).

In the not that faraway days of my youth this sort of bisexuals, if they saw themselves so and made it heard, were a bit frowned upon because they were thought as straights invading LGBT spaces and/or attention seekers. It’s 4real delightful to see takes where the tiniest bit of attraction towards the same sex makes someone bi, like legit, and welcome to the LGBT.

Trans people's sexuality is based on their sex, too. If a trans woman likes bio women, that's heterosexuality. If a trans woman likes both real and trans women, it's bisexuality, and so on.

T4T is a preference, not an orientation. And that's okay. If you're a trans woman who only dates trans women, that's homosexuality or bisexuality with a preference (and, by the way, post op trans women don't have vaginas. A mutilated penis isn’t a vagina).  

Gender identity doesn't matter when it comes to sexual orientation. PIV is heterosexual, no matter your gender identity.  

I failed to clarify that the example trans woman in this example typically likes women. This was the vagina reference. This was not a well-worded example on my part, should’ve typed more the set the case properly from the beginning.

I take the “PIV is heterosexual, no matter your gender identity“ was some sort of a brain typo because otherwise you are saying that a biological man attracted to (and presumably having sex with) a biological man is heterosexual?

That would be kinda logical based on the said biological man’s lack of (sexually) liking dick (recognizable as such) and persons who are recognizable as men.

Either way, I don’t think your previous statements hold.

Either that person would be heterosexual man who is attracted to a biological man. (Contradicting what hets do)

Or homosexual man who is typically attracted to women. (Contradicting what gays do)

Or bisexual man who doesn’t like penis and men (recognizable as such), contradicting what, according to your original post, bisexual like.

Sure, the recognizable as such part leaves some room for squirming. But really, seriously, are all the “straight” “gay” and” lesbian” men and women, who are/have been  attracted to e.g. a well-passing trans person, really bisexuals? And those who have incorrectly assumed someone’s sex, even if that someone was cis? For that I ask, does it make any practical sense? Which, in my opinion, is an important part of concepts used in eveyday life.

happy pride month to homosexual and bisexual people, this month is for us and us only, we're strong, amazing and we deserve the world and more 🏳️‍🌈 don't let anyone make you believe that your sexual orientation is wrong, no matter if they're conservatives or woke homophobes! same sex attraction is normal, beautiful, and we won't stop fighting to protect those who experience it.

[ulkoillareplies]

Rats I wasn’t supposed to do this bc with less than perfect English it’s not too great.

Whatever.

-> lesbians don't like dicks, gay men don't like vaginas

-> lesbian means female homosexual, aka female attracted female, aka biological woman attracted to biological women only. gay means male homosexual, aka male attracted male, aka biological man attracted to biological men only

-> If you like both penises and vaginas, you're bisexual

-> homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual are the only sexualities that exist

-> ace, aro, demisexual, and i don't know what other terms you all created aren't part of the community and pride/pride month isn’t for them. you aren't included. this isn’t for you or about you.

I’m kind of interested to understand how you categorize sexualities. I may not agree but that’s not the point now.

I notice you don’t say what straights like, but I take it you think straights are biological women who like biological men (and penis) or biological men who like biological women (and vagina).

What are those who don’t like either? Considering that “homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual are the only sexualities that exist”, are those straight, contradicting the paragraph above? Can’t be bi or homosexual because then we aces would be a part of LGBT. Or is this an atheism is a religion in a way that not collection stamps is a hobby kind of thinking? That aces exist, but a lack of sexuality isn’t sexuality, and therefore we can and should be ignored?

-> if you're attracted to trans women you aren't a lesbian, if you're attracted to trans men you aren't gay

-> if you're a trans man you can't be gay and if you're a trans woman you can't be a lesbian

I’d also like to know how you feel about bisexuals who generally view themselves as het but happen to find well-passing trans persons or cross dressers attractive. Do you welcome to pride and LGBT those “straight” but – I guess – actually bi men, who are attracted to e.g. Rikkie Kollé?

Also, what is trans persons sexuality called, and based on what? If a trans woman likes trans woman, she’s not a lesbian because “if you're a trans woman you can't be a lesbian”, but if she likes vagina (but not penis), she’s not a gay man either because “gay men don't like vaginas”.

Sure, it’s possible to say she’s not a gay man, which wouldn’t be too shocking, considering that she is a trans woman. But as she doesn’t like penis, she’s not bi either. That leaves het, but keeping in mind that “homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual are the only sexualities that exist“, that’d be pretty weird, considering that we are taking about two trans women, one of which you deem as a man and one as a woman. What’s the thinking?

happy pride month to homosexual and bisexual people, this month is for us and us only, we're strong, amazing and we deserve the world and more 🏳️‍🌈 don't let anyone make you believe that your sexual orientation is wrong, no matter if they're conservatives or woke homophobes! same sex attraction is normal, beautiful, and we won't stop fighting to protect those who experience it.

[ulkoillareplies]

Orientations are about WHO, not HOW OFTEN. If you have experienced attraction, you are not Ace.

Without going into the discussion of policing other people’s identities:

For me, this just doesn’t make sense. Applying this would make like about 100% of world population bi/pan which would be really, really impractical.

Bob, a cis man, doesn’t want to have sex with a man and doesn’t want any romance with a man. He likes women. But Bob is bi because when he was 10 y/o, he had a crush on his schoolmate.

What’s the key difference with Bob’s het identity, and identity of those aces who have had an attraction?

I get your frustration. Isn’t an unfamiliar frustration for me either. For example, sometimes it seems like ‘ace content’ isn’t different from ‘allo content’ at all, except someone uses the magic word. Sometimes I wonder if over-selling love and sex had lead people to think the emotions are supposed to be soooo ridiculously big they alone move mountains, and when their emotions don’t, they figure they must be ace bc they can control themselves in the proximity of their love interest instead of ripping their clothes off and having hot sex on the spot. 

Still, it’s pretty weird to apply an extreme standard to aceness, especially if it does not apply to other orientations. If interacting with the ace content weirdly obsessed with sex gets to you to the point you feel the need to belittle other people, just don’t interact with it. That’s why I rarely check ace tags. They often take more than they give.

“Stop telling teens they are still ace when they turn out to be late blooming Alos” challenge. Difficulty level: impossible. Orientations are about WHO, not HOW OFTEN.  If you have experienced attraction, you are not Ace. “Asexual” should NOT be an umbrella term; You either experience attraction or you don’t. There is no spectrum. “How often” can apply to literally every orientation BUT asexual, yet y’all pushing that so hard for asexuality alone just drives home the idea that some of y’all still don’t recognize it as a real orientation. You see it as the opposite of hypersexuality–a medical condition–rather than a true orientation. And to be frank, that’s so incredibly fucked up and harmful. Not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings here just saying the damn truth. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ALO but holy FUCK give us some room to exist and connect with others who can ACTUALLY relate to the complete lack of attraction. I am so, SO fucking sick of seeing giant walls of text placating people that “it’s okay you’re still ace because we bullied AVEN into changing the definition seventeen times so we could cheat ourselves out of any honest self-reflection at the expense of shoving aces and aros out of their own space”. 

[ulkoillareplies]

Accessibility doesn’t mean money!

It can mean that, too, but it means a lot more. Not all have hands that work in a way that can just take kindergarden level art supplies, begin to do art and expect results. Money can’t buy you working hands.

i hate when people try to defend ai art with “but i want to be able to make pretty pictures like you guys!!” ok grab a canvas go to youtube and watch bob ross. grab some pencils buy a sketchbook and a beginners drawing book and learn like the rest of us. we didn’t spend years honing our craft just so you could plug it into a machine that spits out a poor mimicry in .2 seconds so that you could feel like you made something you didn’t work for

[ulkoillareplies]

That’s what I meant by reading the room. It’s one factor to feel if it’s a right place to say things that aren’t positive.

But the meta can go further than this. After a certain age being a virgin or not having sex is often seen shameful. It’s the Ugly Unsexy 30 y/o Virgin Losers way of viewing it. The What Are You, A Child? way of viewing it.

I 100% get why a young ace in a series of situations where sex is viewed as a merit may want to be loud about that no, they aren’t losers, they aren’t children, they aren’t ugly, they aren’t smelly nerds incapable of scoring or whatever it is that time. They simply are ace. They think sex is gross. Their way of being isn’t the highway so take that judgement OUT.

In short, being loud about it can also be (pre-emptive) defense of sorts. Just like gay kids may make their gayness as obvious as they can to establish themselves in the world of grown ups where sex and relationships are a serious thing and their sex and relationships won’t look the same as the majority’s.

I root for behaving as a reasonably polite and pleasant person who avoids hurting others for no reason. But when I frame it like above, I also find it difficult to very judgemental for queer youth trying to find their way and place in the world.

as an asexual, when a sex repulsed ace person belittles others, makes people feel gross for having sex, constantly is talking about how disgusting sex is when there's people around who enjoy sex, THAT is fucking repulsive. you have no right to be belittling others for enjoying a natural thing. sex is natural, which doesn't make asexuality unnatural by any means. both are human nature, but putting yourself on a pedestal because you in particular don't enjoy sex or personally find it gross, you should not view others as disgusting for having it or enjoying it. you are allowed to talk about it in the same way people who have sex talk about their experience and enjoyment but not in a harmful, degrading way.

thanks for coming to my ace talk <3 grow up!

[ulkoillareplies]

(deleted this once bc it went to main) I think we about 98% agree. I just wanted to bring this side of the coin visible too. There IS a lot speech that wants us to shut up especially about the “ugly” side of asexuality, where we don’t understand ourselves and after giving a very coerced consent for sex end up gagging in shower time after time for the grossness of sex.

I want that sort of things visible. That’s one part of it.

The other part is that I want that younger (sex-repulsed, others too ofc but in this context it’s mostly about the sex-repulsed) aces can grow into their aceness and accept it without having to silently suffer in their doomed relationships first. It means they’ll need to hear about how it feels to be sex-repulsed. For some, it means they will to talk about it. And when ppl (thankfully!) are starting to identify ace in their teens it means that many aces who are discovering themselves don’t yet have the verbal and emotional skills of an adult to put their words wisely and read the room.

For those, I want the same compassion and gentle guidance cishet teens get when they are kissing their first partners seemingly 24/7 and covered in hickeys, or the compassion the queer teens (within the community) get when they are acting “weird” stereotypical roles while testing how their identity fits. It’s unfortunate that for sex-repulsed aces so much of all that is about finding a way to be ok with gross and coming to terms with some sort of a loss, while not much fun and beautiful arrives in its place.

I don’t mean to say that other queer (and also cishet!) kids don’t have to deal with the feeling of loss. They absolutely do. But they also have a community that offers them ways to investigate their identity in a reasonably positive manner that doesn’t readily apply for ace identities. It applies especially badly on sex-repulsed aces. So that repulsion will sometime be stated in a very loud way not suitable for so called polite company. It’s not unlike how gay kids express their gayness, it’s just the context disgust makes it Not Cool to spew out like that.

Anyway, we may spend time in a different internet, but in my experience even the most polite expression of finding sex disgusting, even if the context of discussion was asking it, may end in someone freaking out and accusing the one who spoke out. It’s happened to me – surprisingly much even, considering that I don’t usually speak about these things. I’ve seen it happen to others. Sometimes people come to discussions related to sex-repulsion just to tell mean things and shout their accusations. It’s a small minority who behave this way, of course, but that’s what I mean about speech that tries to silence us.

What I mean by malicious interpretation is that if someone slips out the “sex is gross” instead of “I myself, personally, find sex quite disgusting on a deeply personal level, but of course it is a beautiful thing for others and others should not feel bad for wanting and having it”, it’s often interpreted as an attack and sex-shaming. When, at the same time, if someone says that mashed potatoes are gross, everyone can understand it’s a personal opinion and not an attack to anyone who’s ever enjoyed that with some gravy. I understand that sexuality is way more personal and sensitive topic than our opinions on the proper way to prepare potatoes for human consumption, but still, it’s baffling to see how carefully words must be placed to avoid some people getting butthurt.

as an asexual, when a sex repulsed ace person belittles others, makes people feel gross for having sex, constantly is talking about how disgusting sex is when there's people around who enjoy sex, THAT is fucking repulsive. you have no right to be belittling others for enjoying a natural thing. sex is natural, which doesn't make asexuality unnatural by any means. both are human nature, but putting yourself on a pedestal because you in particular don't enjoy sex or personally find it gross, you should not view others as disgusting for having it or enjoying it. you are allowed to talk about it in the same way people who have sex talk about their experience and enjoyment but not in a harmful, degrading way.

thanks for coming to my ace talk <3 grow up!

[ulkoillareplies]

I mean, yeah.

But so, so very often our voices are silenced when we simply talk about how WE feel. Often it feels like it’s maybe allowed to not like sex, but god forbid you dare to say sex is gross! That sort of thing should never be said out loud! Go back to your closet so I can continue telling the group chat my nsfw thoughts about my fav characters.

It’s fine to like sex. It’s fine to have it. It’s fine to say so. Good for those who do.

Also it should go without saying that things like reading the room is always wise etc etc. See to who you talk; are you teaching non-healty things to teenagers accidentally. See where you talk. For example, no point for me to go to bi or pan support group* to tell how I find the idea of having sex with a male-like body gross, and having sex with a female-like body even more gross, and for other body types it depends mostly on fluids and smells to be expected, and no, I’m not interested in finding out.

This being said, why do we have to constantly censor our thought and feelings to ensure no one can - quite likely maliciously - interpret our words in a way that we are sex-shaming and also queerphobic in the way we are forbidding people from talking /feeling the way they feel about sex? When really we are simply talking about out feelings about sex, our lived experience?

The world’s not going to change for us. We must adapt to the world where sex, sexuality and romance are important and center points of art and such probably more often than not. There’s no changing that, and we should not ask such censorship outside of selected few safe spaces.

So, I ask again, why it’s us who need to keep our mouths shut just to make sure that someone (in allo-ace axis, a persons of majority) doesn’t have to feel a bit uncomfortable?

The growing up...Might do a different thing.

I’m personally fairly grown up, and imo the funny thing with being gown up is that as a rule of thumb, I silence myself is less, not more than I used to. That’s probably the case for the majority of adults.

If I want to say the equivalent of fuck in my language in the presence of my boss? I just do. 0 asks to watch my language will follow. If the plans my spouse have done don’t fit me well? I let him know it. He listens, and we figure out what to do about it. 0 times I’ve been told that complaining is futile and I just have to suck it up. This sort of things, the power that comes with being a gown up.

 As one, I’m no longer used to being silenced. Maybe that’s why the requirement of the constant self-censorship has become increasingly maddening for me. Or maybe I’ve just gotten weary for it over the years.

* which is sometimes suggested by those who don’t view ace a valid orientation

as an asexual, when a sex repulsed ace person belittles others, makes people feel gross for having sex, constantly is talking about how disgusting sex is when there's people around who enjoy sex, THAT is fucking repulsive. you have no right to be belittling others for enjoying a natural thing. sex is natural, which doesn't make asexuality unnatural by any means. both are human nature, but putting yourself on a pedestal because you in particular don't enjoy sex or personally find it gross, you should not view others as disgusting for having it or enjoying it. you are allowed to talk about it in the same way people who have sex talk about their experience and enjoyment but not in a harmful, degrading way.

thanks for coming to my ace talk <3 grow up!

[ulkoillareplies]

A slightly more cynical view: if Europeans from Spain, Portugal etc were generally viewed as Latino or otherwise non-white, it’d mean non-white conquistadors and a whole bunch of recent non-white colonialism. It’s something some folks might find a hard pill to swallow.

Americans are strangely confident that their utterly bizarre ideas concerning ethnicity are universal, and then they get confused when that's not how things work.

Like apparently as far as they're concerned, the spanish are latino but italians are white, despite of ranging in the same colours and speaking languages so similar that I can vaguely make sense of italian by understanding the basics of french and spanish, and they're baffled when J.K. Rowling manages to be racist against white people.

[ulkoillareplies]

Yes and no;

This might be an unpopular opinion but often a “normal” sexual and/or romantic development is thought to include steps where a child develops crushes on fictional characters, celebrities and whatnot but they aren’t ready to really develop a romantic/sexual relationship. I feel like in this sense I experienced normal romantic/sexual attraction but it just... somehow failed to develop further for not apparent reason. So I think my attraction is in many ways like pre-teens’. I have favorite characters I feel close to and so forth but even if they became real and came to my door I wouldn’t want to kiss or have sex with them.

Towards real people my crushes or “crushes” are not that different. I don’t think them as aesthetic, more like there’s a fantasy of a some type of life that comes with This Super Cool Person and Their Awesomeness. I was in a metal scene when I was younger and associated long-haired men in their leather gear and band shirts with the lifestyle of going into gigs and such, and being active, so I had a type: long-haired metalheads. Again, I didn’t want to have sex with them, but get to know them and spend time with them. Be someone Special for them.

I somewhat struggle with the concept of romantic attraction. I don’t understand it. I’ve been in love, but in romantic love? For me it feels more like the love I feel for my parents and sister than the romantic love advertised. I grew up hearing that “Disney love” isn’t real so I kind of assumed that my lacking interest in romance was what everyone was feeling and ppl were just exaggerating for funzies. I’m still unsure it that’s the case or not, so I’m unsure where I am in the aro spectrum.

Quick question(s) to anybody aspec out there.

Did you find yourself experiencing normal romantic/sexual attraction when younger, only for it to just kinda… go away? Like a crush faded out like normal, but you never got one again.

Followup, do any of you experience an attraction that feels a bit too intense to be platonic or aesthetic, but not quite enough to be romantic? Or maybe it is romantic, or not, but either way as soon as you act on it it disappears? Like you finally get the courage to talk to them, only to have zero interest the day after.

If you have had any of these experiences please tell me more or elaborate in any way, be it via reblog, comment, or dm.

[ulkoillareplies]

AI art makes creating art-like images accessible for those who otherwise cannot.

To those who don’t know how to draw, to those who don’t have functioning hands.

I’m probably somewhere in the middle. My hands work just fine in the sense that everything moves in a way what is called normal. I just can’t make them to draw the lines I want. Maybe it’s a processing issue in my brain, maybe it’s a fine motorics issue, maybe a bit of both. Maybe it’s just my brand of stupid.

Children are usually about 10 y/o when they draw better than I do, also the ones who aren’t especially good at it. Tumblr artist literally draw better looking drafts their eyes closed in seconds than I do with my eyes open, no matter how much time I spend on it. Assuming the artist didn’t cheat on the challenges, that is.

Inability to draw isn’t a big quality-of-life thing, obviously, but often I find myself in a situation where it’d be nice to be able to do... something. Create or just a bit modify a DnD character token. Make an avatar for myself to use in Tumblr. Have a nice desktop image on my computer. Make an image to be turned into a cross-stitch pattern. Make a graphical abstract for a scientific publication - I’ll happily provide the graphs and photos for reference but for crying out loud please slap them together for me!

Isn’t better accessibility for create art-like images a single good thing?

ai art engines arent your enemies. they can be used for good. your enemies are the people misusing them to claim that art they ask the ai for is purely theirs and then sell it or so on, not the ai art itself. these people are the type of people who would likely just trace others digital art or so and then sell it without credit to the og artist. ai art algorithms are inherently morally neutral. making ip laws stricter will hurt artists way more than ai art would

[ulkoillareplies]

Yes, but none of that has any importance for this. The ones who look away aren’t affected by the possible legal problems to come, so the one who exposes themself isn’t putting them in any legal danger. If an action is or isn’t sexual is not the only factor in deciding if an action requires consent, and the ones who look away are anyway not forced to participate because they can just look away.

If the problem is the masturbation, let’s say someone just flashes without any obvious gestures associated with masturbation. Having genitals surely isn’t inherently sexual, so is this an appropriate method to answer exhibitionistic urges?

We need to start kink shaming trad wives. It's so obviously a fetish thing. I mean also a white supremacy thing, but calling them out on that will do nothing, because they are proud of it. We need to start openly talking about trad wives like we talk about couples who walk eachother around on leashes on in public.