ulrichmy596 - Tumblr blog

[ulrichmy596]

remembering the fact bpd is considered a terminal illness and my own brain is trying to constantly kill me. im never going to be okay.

[ulrichmy596]

I wanna kill myself so bad

[ulrichmy596]

they will replace me so easily and never remember who i even was

[ulrichmy596]

Litterally cant breathe rn

[ulrichmy596]

At this rate, they'll find me dead in my room any day now. And the worst thing is that nothing in their lives would change in the slightest.

[ulrichmy596]

I think I'm actually deranged

[ulrichmy596]

i am so tired of everything around me. if there's a way i could vanish without an explanation, i would.

[ulrichmy596]

started at the bottom and somehow still managed to get lower

[ulrichmy596]

idk what i'm doing wrong. i text him good morning/night. i ask him how his day's going and what he planned for the day. i ask him about the games he's playing. about the food he ate or will eat each day. if he had enough water today. what his friends are doing. how his family's doing. how the weather is today. what he saw when he went outside. how he feels that day. i tell him it's okay if he needs space that day. i tell him it's okay if he can't call me today because he's with his friends. i tell him i love him and he means the world to me. i ask him if he needs me to help him feel good. i do everything he asks me to do. i am by his side every time he feels insecure about the things he can't change. i tell him i love him. i tell him i love him. i ask if we can call today. i say it's okay if we can't or if he doesn't want to. i say he can tell me whenever he wants to hang up when we're talking. because i know i can be boring or i can talk too much. i know i am too much and never enough at the same time. i know. but i just don't know what i am doing wrong. why can't i do the right thing ever?

[ulrichmy596]

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.

[ulrichmy596]

just leave me now so I can die with no strings attached, just let me die please.

[ulrichmy596]

I wish I was dead and cold

[ulrichmy596]

god the foreshadowing in s5ep13… foreman asking house if he should switch thirteen onto the real medication, and house asking if it’s worth risking foreman’s whole medical career for ~3 extra years with thirteen. foreman initially deciding against it, only to change his mind when house says that people do stupid things for love.

what happens in season 8? HOUSE SACRIFICES HIS ENTIRE LIFE AND CAREER. TO SPEND FIVE MORE MONTHS. NOT YEARS. MONTHS. WITH WILSON. PEOPLE DO STUPID THINGS FOR LOVE INDEED

[ulrichmy596]

they cut this scene from the pilot because it was too gay!!!!!! too explicit!!!!! stop looking at each other like that!! stop playing soft and heartfelt music!!!!

[ulrichmy596]

can someone shoot me in the head actually

[ulrichmy596]

People always find some way to make me feel shitty for not getting better fast enough.

[ulrichmy596]

i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just wanna cut i just