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also i'm such a gemma girlie. i don't mean in relation to mark or vs helly i don't care about any of that i'm a gemma girl forever. it's me and her. what if you thought you were eurydice until the last second until you turned around just in time to realize you were orpheus

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some of my favorite things about Anora in no particular order (SPOILERS BELOW):

the goons, wow what all timer movie goons. concussed guy for goon of the year

when anora beats the shit out of those goons for a fifteen minute stretch and they get increasingly more afraid of her. comedy gold, just pitch perfect comedy treading the line between should-i-be-worried-for-her and the disarming buffoonery of the goons

ivan's mom stomping on the last step of the private jet stairs. her incredible houndstooth suit. every second of her on screen.

all of them throwing the pens at the annulment woman

ivan's dad dying laughing during the annulment as anora throws all of the moms shit on the ground

every parking in new york joke from the ticket in front of the courthouse to getting towed down on brighton beach

how the entire time, nobody pulls out a weapon, not once. and yet, the threat of violence and danger still lingers in the periphery because of the deftly constructed tension of the roving camera and contextually what we don't know about this family and the broader scope of ivan's world and the looming threat of the parents. how far can she push the goons until they get violent, and yet they never really do, but baker never lets you exhale that breath.

when they walked into tatianas..... like sean does his RESEARCH

also the t.A.T.u needle drop like i screamed

also the fight over driving or walking for five minutes in the cold. the new york specificity in this movie is pinpoint accurate, down to the mundane

the ending, her having a breakdown release of everything that had happened to her and how humiliated she was, but also how she thought she had gotten out and made a fairytale of her life. how using her body was the only power she has ever had, and how that was what she defaulted to with Igor in that last scene, but it was when he wanted to kiss her that the facade of power broke down and so did she. how she had to face her own humanity, and in that moment ask herself if she wanted to kiss him, because he was giving her perhaps her first real choice in a long time, and that opened a pathway to maybe questioning whether she truly wanted any of what had happened to her. maybe in that moment she realized that her body is not as powerful as she perhaps convinced herself it was. she was far more powerless than all her bravado and will probably always be powerless in the socioeconomic systems of the world that are built up around her. how disposable she was made to feel maybe for the first time, and how she thought she had built up that bravado and detached arrogance around herself so that she would never feel that way, but the feeling still seeped through nonetheless. all of that delivered wordlessly, in silence, buried under the falling white snow that will throw a white, pristine blanket over everything as if nothing significant had happened at all.

but also like igor, i too would fall in love with her almost instantly and tbh i did. rip to Ivan, anora i am hopelessly in love with you, and i would die for you.

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I know comparison is the thief of joy, but it's really hard not to feel like I'm behind in life. Turning 30 does something to your brain. It feels sometimes like I've skipped forward 8 years and I'm internally still just a silly 22 yr old floating around in a post-grad haze wondering what the fuck to do with my life. And while I did do stuff in those 8 years - I took more classes, worked for 5 years, traveled with people I love - it still feels like not enough. But I also know that most people around me haven't lost a parent and then had their other parent diagnosed with advanced cancer a year later. So I'm trying to give myself grace, and just trust the universe and accept the lessons I've learned the past few years. And also just be thankful that I had enough savings to live unemployed for a while, that I had a place to come home to and not pay rent, and even that I have parents that I want to grieve at all. And every time I start to get worked up about not being or doing enough to exist in this universe, I try to ground myself in the reality that I am here, in this house, alive and blessed and loved. And it'll be ok.

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Feeling really weird about this election cycle bc my closest friends are radical and refuse to vote for kamala, and while I totally understand not wanting to tick that box, there is a very real threat of 4 more years of trump and i'm like how.. can you overlook that??? like things might not get that much better under kamala, but they will get so much worse with trump. like we are suffering currently bc of trump's presidency and will continue to suffer for years to come. and they know this. everyone knows this. and yet. they continue to scream proudly that they refuse to vote for kamala, knowing that the only other option is trump, knowing that everything will be even more fucked. and it just makes me question what the fuck people stand on.

we are in california and our vote for president matters a little bit less, so sure, don't vote for kamala. as if it's cool or brave to withhold your vote "bc of principles" while knowing full-well it won't affect the outcome. that's not brave, my guy. that's privilege. but there are radical folks voting in states where it really matters, and they are having to put aside their griefs and frustrations to vote for someone who doesn't represent everything they stand for, and they are doing it because they know it's what's best for everyone as a whole. it doesn't make them less leftist or less principled. obviously everyone needs to make the decision for themselves, and if people can't stand the idea of ticking that box for kamala bc of her political history, they get to make that choice. but to me, it's such a selfish and privileged (and also kind of dumb???) act to withhold your vote knowing that the only other person who could become president is the worst person alive.

it's so confusing and silly to me. people's rights will be taken away but congrats on getting to stand on your principles i guess.

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old growth forest

Olympic National Park, Washington

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You really do love him, don’t you? Very much.   Pride & Prejudice (2005) dir. Joe Wright

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welcome back to tumblr 😈💖

thank youuuuu 💫💗

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quick intro

hey hi hello <3

I go by Umi 海. I'm hoping for this to be a place to share about most everything in my life. Some hobby-related things (journals, stationery, planners, etc) but also some personal thoughts and feelings. I used to be an emo teen with a private blog for my friends but I stopped using it nearly a decade ago and have grown up a lot since. I picked up journaling right about when I stopped using tumblr and never really looked back. Until now.

There's just something about this space that feels safe and fun, and with a nudge from a buddy, I've decided to give it a go. I don't really want it to be another version of instagram where I just post photos. I really want it to be a personal blog. I mostly want a place to write out my thoughts and feelings, maybe do some book reviews, share some commonplace entries, and post photos of my journals when I can. I also want to share feelings about some current events and the state of the world (yikes), so it's gonna be a little all over the place, but that's what keeps it fun.

I'm sure I'll share more about myself as time goes on. Until then, thanks for coming along for the ride <3

Umi