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Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

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tfw you are so overcome with dopamine from a new hyperfixation on top of an old one that hasn’t left yet that you can’t participate in either one cause it’s SO MUCH but it’s all GREAT

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tadhdfw you stop doing something fun successfully so that you can go do something you *have* to do

but your brain won’t let you do that thing

so you go into Call Waiting mode, watching the time tick down while terrified of not being able to do the important thing, but you just Can’t make yourself do it

and you end up missing the deadline even though you had plenty of time to do it

but now you can guiltily go crawling back to the Fun Thing because it’s not like there’s a deadline to meet now

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Me, on the outside: Calm. Relaxed. Interested. Alert. Simply Vibing

Me, on the inside, with a surplus of caffeine in my system because I overdid it while prepping for a final I was anxious about: *static noise* fast fast fast fast fasT faST fAST FAST FAST *continued static

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I remembered four minutes before the time! Class enrollment opens!

tadhdfw you mark a date and time down in your planner but you forgot to put what it was for so there is the looming knowledge that something is supposed to happen or that you’re supposed to do something in exactly one hour….but you have no idea What

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tadhdfw you mark a date and time down in your planner but you forgot to put what it was for so there is the looming knowledge that something is supposed to happen or that you’re supposed to do something in exactly one hour....but you have no idea What

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Some more autism-related stuff! Really good info

Rough draft of a infographic set I am making for my club at Uni. If anyone has any critiques please drop them in the replies.

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Happy International Asexuality Day! 🖤🤍💜

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I think I may have shared this before, but here it is again for anyone it may benefit!! I haven’t used it myself but I’ve heard it’s kind of a miracle for people who prefer to really interact with what they’re reading or looking at!

PEOPLE WITH ADHD WHO HAVE ONLINE CLASS I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED A BREAKTHROUGH IN FOCUSING TECHNOLOGY:

This extension lets you doodle on any webpage just like you would doodle on a piece of paper in class to focus. I just added it to my chrome and it’s been a godsend. I watched an 11 minute video on LDAP servers without getting distracted once! I don’t know if other browsers offer this specific app as an extension but I know for sure it’s offered through chrome. I hope this helps other people as much as it’s helped me!

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tadhdfw you hyperfixate on an argument so hard that you overargue all the angles and, while other people will dispute your same opinion on other peoples’ less thorough arguments, nobody wants to tangle with yours, and you’re proud of it

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Me: pissed earlier I had to stop doing a thing I was Hyper Fixating on

Me: okay now you have time to go back to the thing you were hyper fixating on

Brain: bbbbbut

Me: *groans* BUT WHAT

Brain: but now I don’t wanna :/ but I do :/ but I don’t because the momentum’s like lost :/ yknow? It’s just like my hearts just not in it anymore :/

Me:

Me: I hate you

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Coping with being accepted into my degree program by pranking the head of the department on this, the day of humor and tomfoolery

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adhd gothic

you want to watch a movie. you put it on. two hours have passed. you haven’t watched the movie. there are five new tasks in front of you. you want to watch a different movie.

there is an object in your hand. it is extremely important you don’t lose it. you look down. there is nothing in your hand.

you don’t know your friend’s name. you’ve been friends for months. they just told you their name. you do not know their name.

your friend doesn’t laugh at your joke. why didn’t they laugh? do they hate you? they assure you otherwise. you know they are lying. did they ever like you?

someone asks you what you just said. did you say something? you said so many things. you said nothing. you said everything.

there is something you’re forgetting. you check. you check again. there is nothing you’re forgetting. there is something you’re forgetting.

you had something to say. you can’t remember. it was important. wasn’t it? you can’t remember. 

there is a task that needs to be done. it should take ten minutes. you check the clock. it’s been five minutes. you check the clock. it’s been two days.

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Me: My degree program that I am one year away from finishing no longer sparks joy due to burnout and lost interest. I should toss the whole thing out and go do something I’m passionate about

Former Gifted Kid Me: Sure. Let’s just finish the degree first so we have paper to toss in the trash can and then fish out later because it was expensive, alright?

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Signal Boost!

PSA to our followers this Autism Acceptance Month:

Use Autism **Acceptance** Month (as opposed to Autism Awareness Month).

NO “light it up blue” or puzzle pieces. Google “Autism Speaks hate group” to learn more.

Use red or gold instead, which are colors supported by the autistic community.

Use identity-first language (most autistic people prefer “autistic” instead of “person with autism”), but don’t police the language of someone who prefers to be called a person with autism.

NO scare terms like “suffering with autism” or “afflicted with autism.”

Avoid functioning labels like “high functioning” or “low functioning.”

If autistic voices are not at the center of your efforts, you’re doing it wrong.

When in doubt, ASK AN AUTISTIC PERSON. 

To learn more about autism, visit autistic-run organizations like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and Autism Women’s Network (AWN).

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Hey everyone!

I saw that a couple people would really like to read my anti-ABA paper, and I would love to share it! I haven’t yet because I need to proof it better for public consumption (it was written in Rage in the last hour before it was due with sources I thankfully put together beforehand, so it’s kinda messy in terms of papers that the public will read and potentially cite for something)!! I just haven’t had time to clean it up for you guys because of final and pre-final projects that are hitting, but I should be able to get it all fixed up in the next week or so!

 Thank you guys so much for your interest in seeing it, I promise I’m not avoiding sharing it!

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ABA paper update:

I wrote my essay biting back against ABA in the most professional, concise, academic way I could muster, and found autism self-advocacy sources to really back up my claims with an extra kick. I turned in the essay in which I shredded ABA down to nothing but institutionalized child abuse (including the “new” ABA, because having things I love/need withheld is extremely stressful for me, and I can’t imagine having that extra lifeline connection that a lot of autistics seem to have to things that help them cope, like stim toys). I gave ABA no redeeming qualities. I knocked down all the “but what about” arguments with more source info. By the time I was done, I felt like I had dismantled the entire understanding of a scientific theory because of how accepted ABA is academically.

This seemed to make my professor see things in a whole new light, because I got full points (!!!), recouped the points I missed on the quiz, and the professor sent out a classwide email explaining what ABA really is (and why it’s not ok!!) and is offering required extra credit, if you will, for those who do research on it and write a suitable essay disproving the supposed benefits of ABA (he required the project, but because he already graded the previous projects, he wanted to provide incentive not to blow it off). I’m feeling accomplished!