unfortunatetheorist

[unfortunatetheorist]

Not to mention, @musicaesvida7493, Babs' pursuit of her (dream) career as a stunt woman, throwing herself off of buildings immediately.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

2025 Reads

Series of Unfortunate Events - The Hostile Hospital

“In my opinion, children should be seen and not heard. I'm an adult, so it follows that I should be heard and not seen. That's why I work exclusively over the intercom.”

[unfortunatetheorist]

Most, if not all, of the fandom agree, @anticlockfoolish.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

my feelings on count olaf are very complex. I think about him and kit snicket and la forza del destino and i'm like 'wow, he's such a complicated and tragic character! vfd turned him into a tortured, torturing shell of a man fixated on revenge, but even in his depravity, there is still a faint glimmer of humanity. things could have been different for him, in a better world, but that's not how the story goes'. and then I think about him and violet baudelaire and i'm like 'he needs to be repeatedly hit with tiny hammers until he is dead'

[unfortunatetheorist]

I have a post with more, @appelsead ... Somewhere deep in the archive...

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS RIZZ (part one? I mean...):

Are you the sugar bowl because your what I've been looking for

Are you a lumber mill because I feel miserable without you

Are you Beatrice because I could write you fifteen dedications

[unfortunatetheorist]

After all, @jacobsnicket , 🎵That's just how the story goes...🎵

I wonder what Various Flawless Diminuendos Mr Snicket will delight us all with.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

SNICKET MUSICAL CONFIRMED STILL IN DEVELOPMENT EVERYONE CHEERS

[unfortunatetheorist]

Respect, @the-floral-skeleton , this is a very sound theory which makes a lot of sense! This also comes with the new idea: did Violet and Klaus know? And would they tell her if they did?

...,

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

I know there’s a popular theory that Violet is actually Lemony’s child, but tbh if any of the Baudelaires are illegitimate I would point at Sunny, who has a DECADE STRONG AGE GAP BETWEEN HER AND HER CLOSEST SIBLING.

In my experience, families that have big age gaps between two closest siblings are usually blended (at least one parent had a kid from a previous marriage, and then several years later they remarry and have another). Or, something else is going on. Maybe Sunny was unplanned. Or maybe, somehow, Lemony and Beatrice got in touch again, and whoopsies. But hey, gotta fulfill that VFD rule of threes, right?

It's also a possible explanation for why Sunny is so much more snarky and scrappy (spying on Mount Fraught, sword/toothfighting a villain, setting the hotel on fire) than her siblings. Personally, I headcanon that as her being so young when her life fell apart, not having the stable background to rely on like her older siblings. But who knows, maybe it's that reckless Snicket blood in her.

[unfortunatetheorist]

After all, @cinnamaow , the Sugar Bowl is officially called the Vessel For Disaccharides. Any other Very Fitting Descriptions?

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

in my mind vfd has the most ridiculous vfd-acronyms for the most basic of things. cardboard box? Vessel For Deliveries. glasses? Vision Fixing Device. getting your blood drawn? Vermillion Fluid Drainage.

[unfortunatetheorist]

"All the best movies have subtitles"

~ Dr Monty Montgomery, The Reptile Room

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

I hate watching stuff without subtitles

[unfortunatetheorist]

An Effective Easter Egg 2: LSTUA reference in The Reptile Room: Part Two.

Shortly after dear Monty is murdered, Mr Poe calls the authorities, telling everyone:

"Good news - I've managed to get through to the local sheriff's department. It seems there's an escaped cow from a local dairy farm giving them the runaround..."

This is an obvious reference to 2 things:

1. The Snicket Siblings (well, at least Lemony was) were born on the Valorous Farms Dairy.

2. Jacques Snicket once disguised himself as a cow for... reasons I've forgot.

I've been in this fandom for about 4-5 years now; I learn something new every time I rewatch the series, and I love that fact!

Non sum in loco magister,

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist

[unfortunatetheorist]

@gray-zelle, I wonder what Esmé and Georgina would think of Gru's shift to heroism...

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

Esmé, after expressing her dislike of Madame Lulu to Olaf: You know what? She’s not even worth talking about. I don’t even want to waste another breath on the woman.

Esmé, five minutes later: AND ANOTHER THING!

[unfortunatetheorist]

Was there a FOURTH Baudelaire?! (BCT)

This theory is dedicated to @decoaili, who has the only active blog from a post I ("recently") reblogged about Rereading THH: https://www.tumblr.com/unfortunatetheorist/783862022203981824/rereading-the-hostile-hospital?source=share

In THH, there is a list of patient names that Klaus (& Sunny) come across whilst disguised as Dr Faustus. One of the names on this list is 'Ed Valiantbrue'.

Apart from, of course, Laura V. Bleediotie, Ed Valiantbrue is the only other name on the list to have all ten letters in 'Baudelaire'...

...but there are only three other letters: V, N and T. These don't form a name, but maybe they stand for initials.

Another point I find noteworthy is that 'VNT' rhymes somewhat with 'VFD'.

This makes me think of something Violet says in TCC: when Klaus asks if one of their parents is alive, why aren't they trying to find them, Violet responds, "Maybe they are but they can't because we keep moving from place to place".

So in answer to our question: No, there was not a fourth Baudelaire - I think, instead, the following:

Ed Valiantbrue is a name put on the list by a V.F.D. Volunteer. Unscrambled, it spells 'V.N.T. Baudelaire'. I think 'V.N.T.' stands for 'Volunteer Near, Trying'. In other words, there is a volunteer who knows that the Baudelaires are at Heimlich Hospital, trying to send a subtle message of hope to them - but of course, Klaus and Sunny are busy trying to save their sister from decapitation, and don't have time to even try and decipher this message.

"Who is this volunteer who knows where the Baudelaires are?", I hear you cry. My thoughts say Dewey Denouement as he's the organisation's secret sub-sub-librarian, who knows all the safe places. I think he and Lemony are in contact, as both know what it is to keep their existence secret - Lemony because he's on the lam, and Dewey because... I've forgot. It's likely Dewey told Lemony, who strategically placed himself as a patient on the Heimlich list - Monty Kensickle.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist

[unfortunatetheorist]

i've got a theory

i think book canon and show canon can both be true in the universe. lemony snicket was doing his research several years later, so he most likely missed some details. so things that are in the show, but aren't mentioned in books (eg. larry helping the baudleires, monty receiving directions in the movie theather) might have taken place, but lemony didn't find out about them. both show and book canon complete each other

what do you think about it??

(sorry for my bad english lol)

Hello @scabs-guns-and-peanut-butter, thank you for the ask!

I think your theory is entirely valid (I've interpreted it like this myself: See "Is Lemony's Kind Editor in the Netflix series?" for more) and I like the idea of Book Canon and Netflix Canon completing one another.

Yes, there are details of the Netflix Canon that Lemony missed whilst writing the books, as you say, but there may also be details from Book Canon which are possibly not seen on screen, such as Lemony's Notes to the Reader in The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition.

And your English wasn't bad at all! Besides, why restrict ourselves to one language, when the whole world is trying to de-tangle the true meaning/nature of the Snicketverse?

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

[unfortunatetheorist]

This is supported, @constancecontraire, by Netflix Canon, at least.

When the Baudelaires are going through the video files in Madame Lulu's tent, they ask:

V : "Who's that?"

K: "He looks like Jacques"

Before Lemony says:

L: "These files contain a tragic report of the events that occurred during my apprenticeship at Stain'd-by-the-Sea, which had to wait until now to be told due to respect for surviving parties and copyright law"

Or words to that effect.

Implying ATWQ before ASOUE,

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

no idea if this is disproven by canon or not but i’ve always believed that in-universe lemony wrote atwq before asoue. no reason why, just a feeling

[unfortunatetheorist]

i’ve got several questions:

why did mr poe know the baudelaire children were at the beach? why was he, a banker, put in charge of their custody arrangements instead of just their fortune? for that matter, why did the bank have a whole division dedicated to orphan affairs? it may just be one of those snicket things, but it’s also quite fun because the older i get and the harder i think, it makes me distrust poe on a much deeper level

Hello @clairyclue, thank you for the ask!

I know there are other theories out there about this, most commonly @snicketsleuth (https://www.tumblr.com/snicketsleuth/154151062645/did-vfd-interfere-with-mr-poes-selection-of?source=share; http://snicketsleuth.tumblr.com/post/152175527620/did-mr-poe-forge-the-baudelaire-parents-last) but I have a theory of my own that sort of pieces "everything" (different things) together, but in order to be clear, your questions must be answered backwards:

1. The bank has a whole division/department of Orphan Affairs because... I don't know.

"You should never be afraid to admit you don't know something" ~ J.S.

Let us, for now, consider it a quirk of the Snicketverse.

2. Mr Poe, a banker, was put in charge of the Baudelaires' custody arrangements as well as their fortune, because he was executor of the Baudelaire parents' estate. He handled the will of Beatrice and Bertrand, which stated the terms of the Baudelaires' adoption.

3. Mr Poe knew the children were at Briny Beach because (credit to... someone I can't remember for theorising:) he was a pawn used by both sides of the V.F.D. schism, to do their bidding.

4. Fandom theory (again, likely @snicketsleuth/ @snicketstrange; I swear I've seen it somewhere before but my memory's failing me as I write this) states that Lemony delivered this news to Mr Poe - I believe Lemony told Jacquelyn, who then told Mr Poe. Jacquelyn likely knew Lemony was alive as Lemony was close to Duchess R., who is related.

5. Alternatively, The Sinister Duo told Mr Tamerlane (try and hunt on my blog for details about them being Tamerlane's boss) about the Baudelaire fire and subsequently forced Mr Poe onto the case. It's likely they were watching Olaf as he Yessica-Haircut his way in to guardianship.

Hope it helps; if not, let me know.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

[unfortunatetheorist]

Yes, @ur-battdoll. The book also adds, before this stanza, :

When we grab you by the ankles,

Where our mark is to be made,

You'll be doing volunteer work,

Although you won't be paid.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

When we drive away in secret,

You'll be a volunteer.

So don't scream when we take you,

The world is quiet here.

[unfortunatetheorist]

so i’ve been rewatching the netflix adaption, and accidentally went down a rabbit hole and discovered the ‘suspicious characters’ relationship chart from “13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket” and it has left me absolutely baffled. i would love to hear your thoughts or vague attempts to decode it because i’m thoroughly stumped, and can’t quite find any analysis about it! have a fortunate day :^)

Hello, @badgertablet, thank you for the ask!

As a theorist, my work predominantly surrounds the Netflix series, but I have read all 13 ASOUE books; whilst I'm aware of the chart you refer to, it's not something I've really delved into - but let's have a go...

(Above: The Suspicious Characters List, taken from The Snicket Wiki)

If memory serves, @snicketsleuth has done some digging into this: (https://www.tumblr.com/snicketsleuth/142398585310/hello-i-want-to-ask-if-you-know-about-13?source=share), so be sure to check out the blog. Let's try and make sense of the "unexplained" connections:

• Mr Poe and Sir

I'm in two minds about this one. Part of me says that Snicket linked the two due to the fact that both of them are obsessed with money. However, there could be something more. We are never told Sir's name. First name or last name. It is believed he is Smogface Wiley from ATWQ, but this is just a theory. Let us, for argument's sake, assume this to be true. "Smogface" isn't exactly a first name, even in the Snicketverse. This implies that Sir's name is Wiley Poe, making he and Arthur (rather close) relatives.

• Captain Widdershins and Hal

...I honestly have no idea. Maybe, by some convoluted method, he's Hal Widdershins... but that doesn't add up with Hal Hairdryer. They both work in a place with books/libraries? It's a far cry, I know, but it's all I've got at the minute. Have a think and let me know if you reach anything, @badgertablet.

• Quigley Quagmire and Mrs Bass

Both make use of mathematics - Quigley in his cartography and Mrs Bass in her classroom. Not just this, both of them use mathematics to their advantage: Quigley to find the V.F.D. HQ (± the Baudelaires) and Mrs Bass to rob Mulctuary Money Management, potentially of the Baudelaire fortune! It should probably also be pointed out that Mrs Bass taught Isadora Quagmire during her time at Prufrock Prep. Maybe if Quigley wasn't in hiding, he would've been in her class?

Sometimes, @badgertablet, going down a rabbit hole can be of use; quite a few (of my) theories formed that way! Unfortunately, this chart of suspicious characters isn't actually considered canon, because it wasn't written by Handler...

I'll let you decide.

Hope it helps,

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

[unfortunatetheorist]

I take it this is book canon, @kiwiwatermelonsupreese ... It's been a while.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph

Top Ten scary parts in ASoUE:

- The effects of the medusiod mycelium.

- When the bald man was like ‘You better not cross Count Olaf or he might wreck that pretty little face.’

- The first time Olaf calls Aunt Josephine’s house

- The LEECHES

- The question mark showing up on the sonar

- When the kids find all the pictures of themselves in Madame Lulu’s tent.

- Olaf talking to the kids in the jail cell and telling them they have to pick who lives

- when they get out of the tunnel and it’s the ruins of their house

- the bald man and fernald talking about how pretty violet is while she’s knocked out

- The white faced women dragging Duncan and Isadora to the car

[unfortunatetheorist]

less of theory more so a question.. which baudelaire orphan do we think olaf wanted dead the most?

Hello, @cinnamaow, thanks for the ask — it's a good question!

In my opinion, Olaf wanted Klaus dead the most.

He's been a thorn in Olaf's side since TBB. Note his sisters are quieter and comply with Olaf's bidding. He's the one who is first to complain:

O: "Thoughts?"

K: "Thoughts?! First of all—"

V: "First of all, first impressions are often wrong."

He's the one who reinforces the notion that the Baudelaire fortune can't be touched until Violet— *SMACK*

And he's the one who successfully foils Olaf's plotting play, The Marvellous Marriage.

This is due to (I can't remember the source, likely @snicketsleuth) Klaus' inability to keep his mouth shut during the first few books/Season 1. He thinks plainly stating the truth will save him, when it's only caused him and his siblings nothing but grief.

~ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph