universityofmyass

[universityofmyass]

"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

[universityofmyass]

“stardew valley is so relaxing” i am struggling to make ends meet. yesterday i was swarmed by bugs and passed out and the resident homeless guy found me, dragged me back to my home, and stole half of what was in my backpack. the day before that the only doctor in town found me passed out in my OWN FUCKING HOUSE TWO FEET FROM MY BED and still billed me 200g in medical bills. i watered one plant and have become incredibly fatigued. the mayor i met 2 days ago just asked me to fetch his boxers from the animal farmer he’s having an affair with instead of getting them his damn self. i have never been more stressed in my life.

[universityofmyass]

2017

the year of farming

[universityofmyass]

lets all just start posting about diary of a wimpy kid

[universityofmyass]

how it feels to be online these days

[universityofmyass]

[universityofmyass]

again and again and again and again

[universityofmyass]

for a minute i definitely forgot that kanye west had changed his name to ye and was wondering why this accusatory headline was written in shakespearean language

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[universityofmyass]

[universityofmyass]

beautiful caffeine on an empty stomach I'm going to live forever

[universityofmyass]

[universityofmyass]

when Walter white said "smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating does not constitute plans in my book" he was wrong. this is the moment he really became Heisenberg. if you ask me

[universityofmyass]

My grandpa posted this presumably to be transphobic or something but ngl it kinda slays. Get it vader

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i havent been on my computer in a week what do i used this for again

[universityofmyass]

Shout out to this one woman from Blair Witch Project. According to the directors everyone involved in the scene was a plant, except for her, some random woman from the real Burkitsville who was asked about the Blair Witch and immediately made up a story about seeing a documentary on the Discovery Channel about disappearing hunters. While carrying a child. Unsung MVP of horror

[universityofmyass]

the way being employed keeps you from video games and other various activities is so sick. genuinely demonic