unseenlament

[unseenlament]

once there was sunshine

plastered against your teeth

radiating from each crevice of grin

now there are marks of glasgow

etched into your cheeks

sickly silence inbetween

[unseenlament]

to be with you

but without your love

is pain

but to be without you

without your love

is a death i cannot accept

[unseenlament]

it wasn't until the dawn broke

cold and dewy on my windowsill

that i realized it was only a dream

[unseenlament]

i told someone how i feel about you

and instead of encouragement

they just looked at me

they looked at me with these big, sad eyes

eyes that apologized for you

and i said

"i know"

[unseenlament]

they say when you look at someone

and you love them

your pupils dilate

i watch yours as you look to me

i watch yours as they constrict

[unseenlament]

you held my hand

as i shook

from the weight of the day

pressing on my conscious

and if that was the only

comfort you ever give me

the only touch

we ever share

that's ok

[unseenlament]

tonight we talked. it was just you and me and another friend. we talked about our types and what we like and who we like.

(before you i never shared these things. i still don't, or at least not all of it. i don't know if i ever will share all of it. i'm afraid i wouldn't know how to hide it again.)

i realized how contrary you are for me. where i like people with edge, all you have is softness. where i like strength you have vulnerability. where i once wanted to be comforted, now i see i wanted to comfort all along.

and i realized how stupid it was- to chalk my entire database of attraction up to the people i just happen to like from a distance. because now i had someone right in front of me and he just so happened to defy all i thought i wanted.

you came in with your little smile and strange wardrobe and big dorky glasses and flipped everything on its head.

because it wasn't supposed to be you.

and it was supposed to be so much easier.

and we were just supposed to be friends, nothing else.

i suppose to you we still are.

[unseenlament]

standing over the piano

hands holding the page

fingers deftly

gracing keys

neck kisses

sweeping hair

behind ears

behind glasses

and a stuffy nose

thinking soundly

over pieces

pawns moving

nothing more

so close

just a brush

of my lips

on your knuckles

all just thoughts

tumbling

in my mind

[unseenlament]

you came over last night

and sat on my floor

watching a movie only one of us likes

doing homework

while I talked nonsense

bent over my tedious craft

then you stopped

and we both talked

about home and our dogs

and i lay on my bed

as you sit on the floor

always following the rules

(break them for me)

and your head was near mine

and my face was near yours

but the only thing touching

was my hand in your hair

(gently smoothing the strands)

and your hand on my head

(you did it in jest)

and the gentle hug you gave me

as we parted ways

just to see each other

8 hours later