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i don’t have to know everything. just what you’re comfortable telling me. [ this is so late but yee ]

Trauma @fivexfaith

Faith was no stranger to killing. It was in the name. Slayer. She assumed as much, anyway. Maybe that’s why she had grown so fond of her so quickly. She might not mind the blood on Lara’s hands. She might not judge. The archaeologist closed her eyes, a long, drawn out exhale doing little to steel her nerves. Hands folded over one another – she hoped Faith didn’t notice how they trembled. “You’ve… killed creatures. Vampires, monsters, things that most people don’t know about.”

Monsters. That was what she was, right? A monster. An animal. Not human. Humans didn’t kill other humans. They weren’t supposed to. Those thoughts visited her every night, taunting her, damning her. The image of the first man she ever killed, choking and gurgling on his own blood as his body spasmed in reaction to the bullet in his brain… the bullet she had put there. That haunted her, every single night. 

And she kept killing. Over and over. It was all to survive, it was all to save Sam, that was what she told herself. It was to stop Trinity from manipulating the world, it was to keep ancient relics and peoples safe. That was what she had to tell herself. Maybe, just maybe, self-defense was a valid argument for all the armed men who wanted her dead. But what of the innocent villagers in Cozumel? The children, the elderly, the people who just wanted to peacefully go about their lives? She had no way of knowing that her actions would cause such a calamity, but the simple fact of the matter remained.

Their innocent blood was on her hands. 

“I’m scared…” She breathed, daring herself to look at Faith through moistening eyes. Lara knew, deep down inside. She was a monster. She kept herself moving, kept herself fighting Trinity and going on adventures just so her thoughts and her guilt wouldn’t catch up and drown her. But here, alone with Faith, there was no escape. Her lips quivered, hanging open as she choked, “I’m scared that if I say too much, you’ll have to put me down. I’m just another monster…” 

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//Picture this. It’s the ending scene of Shadow of the Tomb Raider, but, instead of being treated to a first-person view of the old butler Winston hobbling into Lara’s office with a tray of tea, we’re treated to a first-person view of... someone entering the office and calling Lara’s name in a familiar voice. Lara looks up in total shock, happiness and confusion painting her features in equal measure.

//Her lips hang open, she gawks, and then, she speaks at last, rising up and moving to hug the ‘camera.’ 

“..Sam!!”

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therapy / talking about trauma / post - trauma starters. feel free to change things as necessary. 

would you like to talk about it?

please tell me what’s bothering you.

hey, are you okay?

i don’t have to know everything. just what you’re comfortable telling me.

i’m your friend. of course i care.

there’s nothing bad about going to therapy.

would you like to try a different approach?

i – i didn’t know that. i’m sorry.

is this helping?

i’ll try not to ask a lot of questions.

i’m always here if you need me.

shh, it’s alright. shh. 

we’re safe now. you’re safe now.

it was just a nightmare.

sweetheart, you have to tell me these things.

you know i’d never judge you for that, right?

i’m worried about you.

is something going on? 

everything you say will just be between you and me.

what method do you prefer?

do you need help falling asleep?

anything i could do to help?

why are you like this?

i understand. 

sweetie, is there something you aren’t telling me? what’s wrong?

let’s get you cleaned up.

this is good. this is important. 

you’re healing, and healing takes time. 

we can do more tomorrow.

how about you get some sleep, hm?

bedtime.

it’s ok not to be ok.

tomorrow is another day.

hey, hey, hey. look at me, look at me. it’s okay.

breath in for seven seconds, exhale for eleven …

do you need some space?

remember, look for things that you can touch. ground yourself.

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Pets a llama, just because she can.

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Hold on to me now, before we lose this.

I keep breaking down. Can I do this?

I need tonight to say goodbye.

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How about a character from FFXIV? Lots of neat NPCs there like Y'shtola, Thancred, Yugiri, and more!! \o/

Other Worlds

//Someone read my tags in recent posts... I love Final Fantasy XIV. It’s my favorite MMORPG for a variety of reasons, and one of those reasons is how the game had a knack for drawing me into the main scenario’s storyline, making me care about the various NPCs and how they interact with one another and the player’s own character. 

//Within the game itself there are a lot of players who roleplay via the chat and emotes, but that’s always between players. I want to explore more of the possibilities between the player character and the NPCs. I want to see more interactions between the NPCs among themselves, as well. 

//As far as I’m aware, however, there isn’t much of a roleplay community for the game’s characters here on Tumblr, primarily because of the roleplay community within the game itself. And that makes me sad, because the second blog I’ve been working on? It’s for my player character in FFXIV. As much as I’ve considered roleplaying with others’ player characters within the game, I really want to explore more possible interactions between my player character and the NPCs. And the game itself does not offer that.

//Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a roleplay blog for one of those NPCs, anon. And then you’ll be in luck, too, since you’ll see what you wanted to see. Or maybe I’ll change my mind, and change the second blog I’m working on to be one of those NPCs, instead of my player character.

//Time will tell. :)

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What other muse would you think I'd be good at playing? This fandom or another.

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tries to be tough, fails 5 seconds later

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fivexfaith‌:

        Oh. Something fluttered, something batted it’s feather-light wings against her rib cage that caused her eyes to slide shut once more. Sweet Nightingale. She’d forgotten what that sounded like. She’d forgotten what that felt like. “Lara,” another soft breath, accompanied by an even softer smile as she leans into the touch. 

        She feels Lara’s fingers ghost over the tops of her cheekbones, she feels the sparks that her tips leave behind but at the same time, a pool of heat is also gathering at the center of her sternum. 

        Then there it is. The long overdue and highly anticipated kiss. 

        Oh. This time, there’s a sound. Soft and subtle, barely audible, drawn out by Lara’s lips from her own. Stolen, much like breath from her very lungs. Much like her insecurities and anxiety. She’s vulnerable, bare. And she could care less.

        The arm wrapped around the other’s waist goes to move. But only just, only so her hand can wander beneath the hem of a shirt. Adoring digits graze, smoothing over that strip of exposed skin separating hem from hem while a mouth moves effortlessly against another. But what happens when you feed a touch-starved vampire slayer wracked with remorse and trauma? She gets greedy. 

        Lips part, but there’s no added pressure. She keeps it soft, soft, soft. Careful, reverent. Languid, but with purpose. There’s a tinge of pain, a heart string that was wound too tight then plucked as the kiss comes to an end. But she doesn’t move, at least, not far. Instead, her free hand finds Lara’s, picking it up from where it rested against her neck, slipping fingers through fingers before drawing knuckles up to her lips and brushing a doting kiss against, then another to the inside of a wrist. “Glad to have you back.” The pad of her thumb pushes into the inside of Lara’s palm, sweeping back and forth, the smallest token of affection gifted to the tip of her middle finger. “If you’ll– let me– I’d like to, ya know,” another kiss, this time to a ring finger. “–have you for the night.” She wants to stay. Forever would work, but so does tonight. 

The flames danced across her face, as they had done in so many places before. But, this time, there were no screams, no blood, no fight for survival. There was just the crackling of embers in the dimming fireplace, and that low, gentle hum that accompanied Faith’s voice. It filled the space of her father’s old study -- filled her heart -- with a comforting warmth she hadn’t experienced in what felt like ages. She smiled. Her amber eyes, smoldering, looked upon the other with adoration. And that smile cracked, exposing those whites for just a moment, “Have me..?” She echoed, “You’re in the Croft estate. I think that should be the other way around.”

Those sweet kisses upon her fingers prompted her to extend them, brushing those lips that had until moments ago claimed her own. And never did that smile leave her face. That old manor had seen better days, but, Lara had the time (and the funds, after winning a legal battle against her cantankerous uncle) to restore the estate to it’s former glory. Slowly but surely. Lara chuckled, closing the minuscule gap between them to place yet another kiss upon those lips, short, sweet. “And I’d be glad to have you.”

Her flat in London suited her. Small, efficient, subtle. But, she never did forget those happier days in her childhood, climbing anything she could find on the estate, making up adventures and stories from all the relics her father had collected. Those days were long gone; her family, long gone. It was such a large, lonely place for just one woman to live, even with the return of dear old Winston, but... Faith filled that void. 

With her smile, with just her presence, that dusty old manor almost felt like home again. 

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We can do this.

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Ix Chel and Chak Chel are two faces of the same goddess.

Ix Chel is the young woman and represents life and healing. She is associated with the full moon. Chak Chel is the old woman and represents death. She is associated with the new moon. Together as the twins: symbols of duality of life and death.

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Send a ◎ and a question and my muse must answer, even if it’s a secret.

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                                    L sexuality |

//As I mentioned in this post, I’m of the belief that Lara Croft -- at least, her 2013/Reboot incarnation -- is homoflexible. If you want to use the Kinsey scale, she sits at a solid five. But, in all fairness, sexuality is a very fluid thing. There may be days when Lara finds her eyes drawn to men more than women. But, the majority of the time, her interests are almost solely of the female persuasion. Let’s get into the analysis. 

//Lara had very few female influences in her life. Her mother passed away when she was very young, and all the girls around her age were put off by her tomboyish, adventurous ways. All of the close, platonic, and familial bonds she had were with men, until she met Samantha Nishimura in college. This created an association in the growing girl’s mind: men were family, men were always close, but not close like that. And women were rare, unattainable, like a beautiful treasure just out of reach. Women had to be courted, had to be impressed, had to be appealed to... Otherwise they might ostracize her the way her schoolmates did.

//She started to quietly admire women. She started to long for women the way she longed for a good adventure full of relics and tales to be discovered and shared. That didn’t entirely preclude a fondness for men, however. Alex was very fond of Lara, and she even appealed to his feelings with a kiss to his cheek. But, was that her reciprocating how he felt, or was that her attempt at making a dying man’s passing just a bit easier to take? It’s hard to say. Memories of everyone who died on Yamatai haunted her. And the heart has a tendency to stay warm for things gone cold. 

//And what about Jonah? After growing estranged from Sam (and pleading with the girl’s mother to take her far away, to keep her safe from Trinity) it was Jonah who became her confidant, and her pillar of strength. Early in Shadow of the Tomb Raider, he says something that implies he has feelings for Lara. And yet, shortly afterwards, upon getting to know Abby, he makes it quite clear that he and Lara are not like that. And Lara very quickly picks up on the sparks flying between Jonah and Abby -- that chemistry. And she sets off on her own for a time to let them get to know each other better. Maybe he did have feelings for her... But maybe he realized that it wouldn’t work. Maybe Lara even confided in Jonah that she preferred the company of other women. 

//Lara absolutely loves Jonah, but not like that. It’s a platonic, familial love, like brother and sister. Much like the love Lara had for Conrad Roth, and her father. And what about Sam..? Sam meant the world to Lara -- and she still does, even though they’ve been apart for so long now. Her feelings for Sam are... blurry. There were times where she thought, ‘is this something friends do? Or is this something more?’ She never could quite work out if her feelings for Sam were platonic or romantic. She never could quite figure out if Sam was just a friend, or something more, because she never really had female friends, growing up. And just when it seemed that things were becoming clear, the two were separated. 

//And they are still separated. Lara misses Sam oh so very much...

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What are your thoughts on Lara's sexuality?

//I’ve put a lot of thought into this, but since I’m walking into work right now I’ll give you the short version. Lara is predominantly attracted to other women, and only incidentally attracted to men.

//I think the proper term is that she is ‘homoflexible.’ I’ll write up a more detailed analysis later when I get home. Thank you for the ask! :D

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