untoldfayrietales

[untoldfayrietales]

"Do you miss working on a firm?" I was struck by this simple checking-out greeting by one of my co-faculty (ICYMO, I'm now on a academe profession since last quarter of 2024!). It hasnt get into me until I was asked this question and come to think.... Maybe. Yes, I guess? I miss waking up early to prepare our lunch baons, and have this strength to commute and face traffic battles (IYKYK). I miss saying " i hope it's lunch time already or asking my officemates to accompany me to buy snacks or coffee. I miss seeing and sharing diff. styles, ideas, or other chikas with my seniors (and boss). I miss having a convo behind our official group chat and talk about diff things (IYKYK again HAHA). All of these are well-cherished in my memories and I really do miss it sometimes. I also know for a fact that I will miss someday this routine but I moved on to this day--- breaking the routinal day-to-day company/firm life. I am enjoying the transitions and adjustments in home-making, having my own time during weekdays when I dont have classes and savoring the moments in teaching these young creative minds about what they will benefit in the future in this field. The connection, professionalism, and care & love with these youngsters taught me differently and extended my patience. I do miss my clients, talking and negotiating with suppliers. I miss site visits (and somehow the revisions and presentations). While missing those days, here's a reel I tried creating to commemorate my documented moments during my design firm days. Oh how I miss these days, but I am now in a happier and more peaceful place. I'll get clients either the other half of this year or next ( hehe). FayfaDesigns, you'll have a rebirth...soon :)

[untoldfayrietales]

life update: Y'girl is happily married!!!

Okay, so this was a year late update and alooot of things happened in between. Never thought I'd be posting something personal pa here but heyyy.

sooo, until the next update or thoughts 🤪💖

[untoldfayrietales]

Caught myself getting back from the grave.

Sana makaahon na ako ng tuluyan sa karagatan ng mga alinlangan, kalungkutan at pagkadismaya.

Slowly getting back to system. Sana please. Sana.

[untoldfayrietales]

Thank you for being my home, everytime I am lost and abandoned. Thank you for teaching me patience, humility, and the true basis of love.

No one else. Humanly speaking would bear and understand. I am beyond grateful.

[untoldfayrietales]

I love you, Misis ko.

Hahahahahaha Nate ikaw ba to? Pag hindi, de bale nalang hahahaha kasi naman di naman yan endearment natin pero kebs na haha

//Ganyan kasi punctuation marks and capitalization nya sa sentences kaya i assume haha.

[untoldfayrietales]

I asked for healing, instead I am in more pain. I asked for forgiveness, yet I felt guilty over and over. And to ease my internal challenges I tried writing the quote I found. Little did I know, it speaks to me.

To complete it, "The more intense the pain, the closer His embrace.” shall be added. This hit me in a deeper context for the past months. Especially on why the Lord seemed not answering my prayers of healing.

Allow me to be quite personal this time as I aim to encourage or embrace anyone in silent battles rn:

Five to four years ago, I really had a hard time coping with life generally. Life was nasty I would say-- Heartbreaks, failures, pressure, expectations, overwhleming unsolicited opinions, lost opportunities, and much more. It all suddenly tire the hell out of me. In fact, it exhausted me to the point that I get anxious thinking about it. My heart even aches literally and I just mananged controlling my tears over the years. It didnt happen just once but thrice or more. So I guess 'that' made me tired-- the cycle.

Along the way, the Lord keep on providing me things I didn't even bother thaking Him for. He gave me different things and replaced people in my life that would help me in my walk with Him. Along the way even when lost, He still continues to hold me. As of typing this, my heart aches for a little as I know I wasnt 'healed' with the past that traumatized me, or the challenges I am facing but I cant thank Him enough for sustaining me with His grace. He always extend His love for me in whatever means. I wouldnt be able to exist until this very moment if it weren't for Him who holds me. The pain is temporal no matter how long I have to endure it. And again, (not being masochist) the peace he grants in your heart even when hurting. the more the pain, the closer His embrace. My dependence has been stricken many times because the stubborn me needs to be reminded that I shall rely to what is eternal.

Hate to pop your bubble but sometime prayers and desires are not given to us, not because we dont deserve it but because we are meant for whatever His plan is, and it may not include those things

Not all doors that closes will open you to another, minsan walang magbubukas, and that is okay. And you will be okay. Because I dont want to sound "dahil hindi ngayon sa susunod meron yan" because life isnt like that minsan kaya wala ngayon kasi wala talaga. At ibang bagay talaga ang nakalaan or dyan lang talaga. Yung contentment ang joy na bubuo sayo sa kahit anong antas mo man sa buhay as long as you live fairly, and for Him who shall be glorified.

[untoldfayrietales]

He's the crowd's favorite.

And the "kuya" you could rely on.

He was my human diary back after I finished college, plainly because we talk about how our day went. I rarely reply from his messages because I had feelings with someone else before. And our friendship stayed as is.

Months after, that someone else proved me things that I shouldnt be settling for less. So it ended there. And it was painful. I havent been honest with Nate, this person, the crowd's favorite, plainly because I was too hurt to see anyonenelse in a romantic way, yet he listened on my silences. He respected my boundaries, he respected my pace, he has seen me broken from different things and we'd talk about it, until I get comfortable opening things up.

He respected my timing, my priorities, and my family.

We had arguments and misunderstandings back then because of personality differences, and how we were raised. We had times where we give each other space where I thought I'd loose him even as a friend but years after, he pursued.

He remained after all the challenges, after all of the bad behavior I have shown. And things arent smooth sailing even after I answered him officially as my significant other. We still have disagreements, we still have tampuhans and all sorts, but at the end of the day, He'd direct me to the Lord, which I think is the non negotiable, and essential of all in any kinds of relationship. We have broken promises and did not so good things or even said hurtful words but the chances of being better, the opportunity to br the best version of you is always restored because He is merciful and gracious to His children and I would always thank Him for Nate. I would always remember His love for the both of us. And ever since day one, Nate is a living reminder of the Lord's promises and grace.

Nate wouldnt look attractive to many but His personality andd understanding is one of the kind-- realizing his impact to his surroundings that made him their favorite one. He may look so humble and simple in all sort because he became independent very young. He made me realize what I should prioritize and dont always be conscious on the outward beauty when it will give you nasty behavior anyway. He doesn't like anything extravagant nor buy anything unnecessarily expensive, rather, he prioritizes practical things but also always makes an effort on the things He could do. He'd give according to his means and understanding. And I really do appreciate that.

He became my rock thsi pandemic season. He keep on reminding me my reason for being. He'd pray with me, He'd make an effort to correct himself and be better.

I'm genuinely happy.

I am at peace. No doubts. No what ifs.

I hope you too, if you get to read this.

[untoldfayrietales]

Would you think that if things were other way around, it would come easier? Would it be favorable? Would I be happier?

Circumstances are different from one person to another, this I know for a fact. I just cant help myself wondering why do chances arent in my favor. Why are opportunities arent knocking. Why things have to be complicated and annoyingly, I have to wait. I always end up waiting.

I hinestly hate it. I honestly envied when othher are alrwady moving but me. I honestly hate it when the things I love, the people I choose and cherish arent the ones for me, nor the approved one. I hate it that chances are just laying around yet I cannot grab it.

I hate it but I know that it really pays to wait. I know thatvthese frustrations I am currently feeling are not in my hands to control. I know that it will all be worth it.

I just feel impatient. I feel lost. I feel like being left behind.

And these are not good to feel.

I hope I get to manage these.

I hope I'd get to move om and get over with it.

I hope these would all be worth it.

[untoldfayrietales]

 Throwback to College 101: EXHIBIT (of the graduating Batch)

[untoldfayrietales]

Morning realization:

05-20-2021

It's a matter of giving people chances---not just one or two, but alot of chances as much as you can.

You just have to see the goodness of a person no matter how "bad" their image is or was, no matter how theyve hurt you, and no matter how they speak.

Because, if you believe in their goodness, they'll get to be reminded of that too. Even when it gets tiring, rest but dont stop. If you keep on believing and see their goodness, it might radiate naturally in them.

Good morning!

[untoldfayrietales]

23:05 — to teach and delight

always learning, re-learning, and unlearning. i’m so glad i became a teacher; it made me more passionate and radical. teaching is my first love, and i will always love this profession above all.

[untoldfayrietales]

healing is harder than you think

and the process is longerrrrr than you expect it would be.

[untoldfayrietales]

[untoldfayrietales]

re·sil·ient \ri-ˈzil-yənt\

Why is it always underrated to seek and take advice from the people who failed the board exam?

They should be heard too. We should be heard too. I should be heard too.

Yes. You've read it right. I failed the recent interior design board exam, yet I am not ashamed to admit it. All of the examinees almost felt the same and experienced the same, so what made it different from those who passed? Anyway, It is also good to hear us (or me) out. Because not everybody would understand how to be joyful and resilient in (all) circumstances.

Resilency is what I have learned starting from the time I didn't get to enter my dream school for my highschool, times when I have to repeat my Kumon worksheets, persevered in my Thesis, and looked for another job after the rejection of not being hired. There are series of experiences that would mold me to have the ability to bounce back no matter how sad I became or how tragic it feels. The comfort and assurance that you will have because you are in the Lord and that you believe that His plans will prevail. Dont get me wrong, I cried a bucketful of tears, questioned my abilities and whole being. I felt so disappointed at myself. I also came to a point where I see myself as someone who always fails. Who disappoints everyone in the world, who doesnt have any purpose at all. I cried. I get sad from time to time. I get anxieties every night and it hunts me. It freaking hunts me and eventually eats me and my hope. But here’s a good reminder that pushes me to strive harder for tomorrow, the fact that seeds are buried down the soil--- dark and under, for it to grow and bloom. It also has its own time and pace because not all seeds are the same. As well as a reminder of “if I am NOT Happy on how I did today, I can always strive and improve tomorrow.” Better said than done right? but if you come to realize these things, it will hit you deep down in your heart and mind. If you come to surrender everything and trust in the process and what the Lord has planned you, then you can find peace. Peace within. Advice to those who failed? What can I say about the exam even if I didnt make it? What will I do after knowing the (unfortunate) results?

Well, here’s my cent or two: advice? NEVER STOP. Try again, NOW. Yes, no matter how tragic it feels, what you have to do is to accept and try again, as long as the PRC Allows you to retake, then go. What else and how else will you get the license? There are no shortcuts and easy way, dear. Everything worth it, everything beautiful and sweet are to work hard for.  what can I say? It may be a very subjective thought and opinion. You might find me boastful and not reliable if I were to say that the exam was easy. But, my dear, it was. I didnt pass because I didn't finish the drawing part and Part of me was really sick at that moment. I was feeling nervous and stressed. I was not able to think clearly and I have to admit I really didnt do well. I am veryyyy slow in doing the drawings, as well as I had a hard time “defending” my work. it was my weakest point, so from that day, I know I wouldn't make it, but hey, I tried. I passed everything, all of the subjects, except for the drawing part -- and yes, it pulled my grade that results to failure. And boy, it was hard for me to rejoice with my passing batchmates and friends but do know I am very very grateful and happy for them. I still feel some regrets with my personal performance but what can I do? IMPROVE, PRACTICE and TRY AGAIN. and if you are afraid to take the exams because of the possibility of failing? girl, chin up and take that exam, let go of what scares you because your mistakes and failures won't define you.  and If you failed and scared to try again, then, take your time to heal but dont make it longer, try and try again. don't let one failure or even two failures or three failures or even more failures stop you.  What will I do after seeing the results? Accept. heal. move on. Easier said than done right? Dont get me wrong again because I may be quiet about it but it still hunts me at night randomly. It still projected to me by my interviewers as if passing an exam is an easy task. Interviewers even insult, degrade or question me for not passing but you know what? Brush it off. You dont need that negativity in your life (haha!) Just so you know, reverse psychology isn't effective to me, as well as I am a very sensitive person (personal friends would know this) so what happens and is happening currently for me is very degrading (if that's the right word). I would probably say Im laughing the sadness away but even so, I manage to learn not to take everything personally, and not to not care at all but the art of not giving a f*ck as they would say. I managed to brush off things at the moment so that it wouldnt eat me. It wouldnt take SOOOOO much of my time.  As I’ve said earlier, Resiliency. The ability to “bounce back” after being hurt and thrown so deep. The Lord has been extending his love and mercy through good good friends and family I have around. The Lord has been teaching me to be humble and patient in everything I do, as well as reminds me to do everything for Him, and to Him. I tell you, you’ll never go wrong with trusting the Lord. It is more powerful than trusting yourself.  To you who were able to read this until here, thank you for your time. Thank you for visiting (inaalikabok na ‘tong “blog” na to pero salamat napadpad ka pa).  https://untoldfayrietales.tumblr.com/ask ^talk to me virtually HAHA I have nothing to do at the moment. Any thoughts, improvements (Im sorry If I have typos or wrong grammar sentences, sobrang raw lang talaga nitong post na ‘to), or anything you wanna know? Also, Im open for “Review Tips” if you have questions regarding it. Some things I just realized after taking the boards itself and some encouragements I guess hehe. 

[untoldfayrietales]

DAY04

A tour around my room

Basically, I have a neutral tone room whereas my curtains, bedsheets and the like are in color coded mode depending on availability and my mood. idk how video works in vimeo cos I cant upload so as of now, here’s a panoramic view of my room.

[untoldfayrietales]

W I P Work in Progress, hanggang sa ‘di na natapos. Nauna na tayong magtapos kaysa sa sining na aking nililikha

na dapat para sayo

[untoldfayrietales]

DAY03

WHAT’S IN MY BAG. Basics. 

Starbucks Planner.  I basically cant live without it, so I can easily track down my scheduled activities and plans as far as the last day of the year.

Wallet, full of IDs instead of cash

Pencil case 

Powerbank

Phone Accessories including cord, USB c-type connector, earphones (from Miniso!!! THIS IS A GREAT DEAL, you guys!!! it just cost me around 400phph LESS and I have it for more than 2 years already!!)

Girl thing kit All those girly things to keep me (or us, girls) feeling fresh and some thing for us not to look pale. I just got the basics. Body and face powder, foldable haircomb, Wet wipes, cologne, mints, lucas papaw, and lip and cheek tint.

Metal Straws (REDUCE PLASTIC WASTES Y’ALL!!)

pepper spray

house keys