unwavering-devotion

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Following up about the beetles! Sadly the one you dropped down for me flew away before I could catch it... 😭 I hope yours were good, though!

Also, I saw the question about having dinner with anyone, alive or dead. It got me thinking... are you allowed to leave the asylum for short periods, to go out to dinner or go on outings?

My apologies if this is a ridiculous question, I'm just curious I suppose 😅

What a shame! No matter, I'm certain you could go outside this very moment and hunt for one to consume. You did bring me a jar-full, didn't you?

As for that, no. Dr. Seward is strict on having us all be present and accounted for. If we had the opportunity to step off the grounds, we'd most certainly all flee. I know I would, if I wasn't preoccupied.

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I love messing with these annoying accounts

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Vintage Porcelain Covered With Hand-Painted Ants by La Philie

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You mentioned sewage but have you considered john is slang for toilet. And he can never put the word off after his nickname in a sentence

I hope Dr. Seward never finds this.

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Do you think Dr. Seward cares about you? Like as if he would prefer not to harm you. Like kinda in a weird friendship way. Where he’s your superior but he maybe doesn’t want to be.

Considering what he told me in my previous entry? No.

Dr. Seward does not come off as somebody who holds care in their heart for me. To him, I am… interesting. Yes, it is not care that drives him, but interest.

He interacts with me like I'm a puzzle for him to solve. There is always something driving his questions, something that he wants to prove to himself or to me. At times I become aware of what results he desires, and purposefully steer the conversation away from it. The disappointment on his face is worth it. When I prove to be difficult, as such, he does as any man with a plaything would, and either gives up on me or brutes his way to the solution.

Perhaps my doctor would prefer not to harm me, and you're correct, but that does not change the fact that he has threatened it and acted upon it. In his own professional way, of course. He does not strike me as the type who'd get into a physical fight, at least not for enjoyment. I would not try to get into a brawl with him to test that hypothesis, because I am aware there are far worst things he could do to me than hit me back.

We are not friends, in any way. I have shared plenty of mundane moments with him, of course! We've walked the gardens, talked about simple things, and even had a brandy once. Still, I do not see him as my friend, and I am awfully certain that he does not see me as one. He is my doctor, and I am his patient.

What would that say about him? If he befriended a "madman"? Surely the man would like to keep his sanity and his power. If I was suddenly his friend, then what'd make him better than the rest of the patients? He'd be labeled as mad, after all, wouldn't he!

It would benefit me if Seward did truly care about me, like you're suggesting. I would be able to do much more. However, I cannot see the doctor caring for me any more than I care for my pets.

He is pleasant at times. If he was always unpleasant then I wouldn't try to appeal to him. No, he can be reasonable- or, that is, persuaded. I can play along to his fantasy that he is the genius doctor that is getting to the core of me. I can play along to his desire of feeling like God. I can, if it gets me what I want: lives, more time outside, extra meals, some privacy, and such. In return, he gets what he wants: me.

I am his favourite patient, after all.

I am his favourite, not out of care, but what I assume to be madness. I have intrigued Dr. Seward in a way that I hadn't intended to. Am I so unlike the common madman? Are my desires that complex? Something draws him to me, and if he wasn't as stubborn as he is, he'd encourage my plots for the sake of his sciences.

There, is that what you wanted to hear? Me being kind about him? Am I allowed to be honest now, Anonymous stranger?

Seward makes me feel like I'm some new specimen, to be put under a microscope and be examined. To be pricked and prodded at, until he's satisfied or I lash out. Though, even that might please him.

I can feel his eyes bore into me when I answer his blasted questions, as if they're trying to look into my very soul. It makes me want to tear my skin off. He asks and stares, and does his awful tests, and administers medication to me that - half the time - I don't even know the name of. I tell you, he thinks he's better than me!! He must think so, they all do.

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WH AT THEBLOODY HELL????!!

Hello Doctor Sewage.

My good fellow. You are on thin ice and several medications.

Do you know what I will do to you? Do you know what I am capable of? I can hunt you down with an exactness that would make Van Helsing himself hesitate. I can track you through the asylum as you scurry in your wretched cage of delusions, hoping to avoid the inevitable.

Your eyes will twitch in helpless panic. And you’ll beg me, won’t you, Renfield? You’ll beg for the mercy of forgetting, just as you beg for the flies to stop buzzing around your mind. But there will be no reprieve.

Understand the full weight of my authority, my precision, my understanding of EVER NERVE in your body. There is no escape. There never was.

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Feel free to ignore if someone's already asked about this, but... Thoughts on these things?

Are those-?! They are!!

They look much better, and much livelier, than the "worms" that I was given to some time ago. Not lively enough, however. They must be dead, encased in those colours, are they not? They have no blood, no life, not a single thing in them.

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do yuo ever cry :,(

Obviously.

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If you could choose anyone to have as a dinner guest, dead or living, who would it be?

I'd tell you, but I'm supposed to be quiet about-…

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I enjoy the fact that even in the asylum, they give you access to the tumblr.com

makes my day better, though judging by some of the asks you’ve received I’m not sure if it has yours.

-🪡

Well, 🪡, at least your calling card isn't intimidating.

Also, they… give me access to it? Why would they give me access to anything? I came here in secret.

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Psst! Hello again! I know its almost 3 AM, but I'm out here! At the window! I actually made it this time! And I have the jar of beetles, too!

I brought a rope too, tied it to the jar. Thought we could make like a makeshift pulley system to get the beetles up to you! 💕

OH?! You're serious!! And clever. Coming!!!

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Excuses, excuses, excuses. That's all I'm hearing.

doctor seward,,, there are many prisons around me that allow inmates to have cats. would you ever allow your patients such a kindness?

I do not run a prison, and these people are my patients. I am doing the best I can in the interests of the patient and – if the patient has no hopes of improvement – in the interests of science.

I have no problems with giving a patient a cat, unless the patient is zoophagous. You must understand: Renfield's hypothetical cat will be killed and eaten by its owner.

I do hope this clears up any confusion.

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Found this man (17 year cicada. Likely Cassin's) sitting on my milkweed and screaming. I wish I could sit on my milkweed and scream, too

What's stopping you? Join them

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how do i get such a slutty girl waist like you

What.

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🦟🐛🐌🐜🐝🦋🪲🦗

None of them would survive.

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hi renfield :) what is your personal alcoholic drink of choice, if you have one? hope you're having a pleasant night <3

I'm not a big drinker, I have enough trouble as it is staying lucid under Dr. Seward's medication.

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ive only had renfield for almost a month. but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this asylum and then myself.

Quite extreme, isn't it?

Now, tell me, are you jesting or would you go through with it-?