user-petrichor

[user-petrichor]

I was never good at confronting death.

Grief to me was like a plague that I desperately avoid. I put on a mask. A heavy facade, and continue life like it was nothing. I felt like I have no time. I cannot afford the time grief would consume.

And then it arrives. Maybe at midnight, maybe in the middle of the day. In the middle of a conversation. The dense surface seems to form a crack. It wants to escape. But I could never.

I became way too good at hiding. Was it ever something I could be proud of? I grew up trying to be the good kid, steering away from trouble. Only time I caused trouble was when I was hit by car. And then I apologized to the driver who hit me.

Years go by, there was nothing more to grieve about. Not the person I was supposed to become. Not the cat I always call when I get home. Not the grandmother I didn't even meet. A mere memory, they are. And yet, I could afford wasting time writing about the grief I couldn't.

[user-petrichor]

I guess we really are growing apart.

[user-petrichor]

lmao I quit. And I'm alive. I guess.

Months from now I'll be quitting my job.

I'll go back here once I quit.

If I make it out alive.

[user-petrichor]

Every time I'm left alone, there's this lingering feeling, like it's as if I'm being replaced. Like I was never enough.

[user-petrichor]

At the end of the day I still feel lonely as ever.

[user-petrichor]

lately i just want to disappear

[user-petrichor]

It must be nice to be able to talk to someone without feeling like a big burden.

[user-petrichor]

Months from now I'll be quitting my job.

I'll go back here once I quit.

If I make it out alive.

[user-petrichor]

I could never tell anyone about the demons living inside my head. So I drop them here instead.

[user-petrichor]

I feel like I'm stuck in the back rooms

I wanted to be alone but

Never the feeling of being alone

I'm stuck in a maze

I just wanna escape

From everything and everyone

[user-petrichor]

[user-petrichor]

It's getting bad again

I can hear my own heart beating out of my chest

Every damn time

I wish I didn't feel this way

I wish I stayed on the high way

I'm sure of where I should be but I can't figure out where I am right now