uwumomossanuwu

[uwumomossanuwu]

Tenko: you look like my first wife

Himiko: you’ve been married before?

Tenko: nope

[uwumomossanuwu]

Togami: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Makoto.

Toko: What? Not everyone likes Makoto.

Togami: Who doesn’t?

Toko: Well-

Togami: Names, now. Give me their names.

[uwumomossanuwu]

Nagito: This first song is called “a world on fire”

Nagito: *bashes piano keys while screeching*

[uwumomossanuwu]

Shuichi: I want to commit...

Kokichi: to a relationship?

Kaede: to school?

Kokichi: a crime?

Shuichi:*crying* suicide.

Kaede: Shuichi, No.

[uwumomossanuwu]

Hajime: you are not allowed to fall in love with me.

Nagito: won’t be a problem.

Nagito, one week later: T H E R E ’ S A P R O B L E M

[uwumomossanuwu]

Fligh Attendant: before landing make sure all small things are secure.

Shuichi: are you secure, Kokichi?

[uwumomossanuwu]

Kidnapper: We have your boyfriend.

Hajime: I don’t have a boyfriend?

Kidnapper: He spent the last half hour lecturing me about how kidnapping is psychologically damaging for victims and how it’s likely I’ll just be caught.

Hajime: oH NO, THEY HAVE NAGITO.

[uwumomossanuwu]

Shuichi: Where did you get 🍅 soup?

Kokichi: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I microwaved.

[uwumomossanuwu]

Kokichi: Makiroll just told me i have six days left to live

Shuichi: why? are you sick?

Kokichi: no, she just doesn't like me

Maki, walking past: i'm gonna fuck you up on thursday!

[uwumomossanuwu]

Hajime: Why are you lying on the floor?

Nagito: I have depression

Nagito: also I was stabbed six or seven times, can you get me a Bagel?

[uwumomossanuwu]

Fuck, Marry, Kill

Kokichi: Fuck AND marry Shuichi, I’ll kill everyone else.

Kaede: That’s not how this game works.

[uwumomossanuwu]

Togami: So I’m bi-

Naegi: *gasps hopefully*

Togami: -lingual. Bilingual. I speak two languages.

Naegi: *takes a sip of water, disappointed*

Togami: Also, I like dudes.

Naegi: *spits out water*

[uwumomossanuwu]

Shuichi: Kokichi, you can be really destructive.

Kokichi, excited: I can??

Shuichi: No, I wasn’t giving you permission-

Kokichi: Too late, I already broke something.

[uwumomossanuwu]

Kokichi: *watching Shuichi sleeping* I just love you so much. You're my everyth-

Shuichi: *snores*

Kokichi: I can't live like this.

[uwumomossanuwu]

Chiaki, gently: are you alright?

Nagito, tear tracks down her face, head buried in her hands: how can ‘birthday cake’ be a flavor if birthday cakes can be any flavor?

[uwumomossanuwu]

Hajime: Hey Nagito, have you ever thought about playing an extreme sport?

Nagito: I already do

Hajime: Oh? What is it?

Nagito: Existing

[uwumomossanuwu]

Kokichi: *pulls out a knife*

Shuichi: oh no

Kokichi: *uses knife to open a box*

Shuichi: phew

Kokichi: *takes a gun out of the box*

Shuichi: oh no