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My Sex is Nonbinary Too (an essay)

My sex is of a nonbinary quality. This shouldn't be a very radical statement, but sex is as heavily binarized as gender is and there are certain expectations society has about sex. Your sex has to be either male or female, and whatever happens outside of that rule is treated as an anomaly. You're expected to fall into one of these two categories and in order to move away from the very strict box you were placed in, you'd have to undergo a physical change in order to fit the opposite category. At birth, you're female, and you'll stay that way until you make the difficult decision to get surgery. Now you're male. You’re assigned male at birth and are assumed to be of the male sex. That is, of course, unless you get that surgery to change it all. It's so very linear and conventional, and quite frankly misses so many nuances to the human experience.

My gender is who I am and is intrinsically tied to most other aspects of my identity. I'm a transgender man, I'm a nonbinary man, I'm an autistic man, I'm a man of many talents. No matter how my identity shifts and expands, the same gender is always present. Gender is inevitably relevant no matter which part of me I'm talking about because it gets tangled up in all the other pieces of me, and I don't see why that can't be true for the physical parts of me. My body is a part of my identity experience because it is a part of me.

Of course, I consider this a man's body no matter how I was supposedly born or what I choose to do with it. I call my body a man's body out of a need to take control over an event - an assigned gender at birth - that I did not consent to and that doesn't fully describe my relationship with gender accurately. As for sex, this is a highly intimate part of me that has been medicalized and binarized against my will just as much as the rest of my body, but bodies aren't meant to be policed in this way. Bodies are not meant to be at the mercy of medical biases.

My gender is not a medical anomaly nor anything that derives from physical limitations. I’m not a man because of what my body does, but because of how I view my role in society and how I subvert what society expects of me. For others, they may be a man (or another gender) because they want to fill a specific role in society rather than subvert it. Either way, this is what makes a gender and not what doctors assign to us based on perceived physiology. Likewise, my sex should not be placed under the scrutiny of doctors just so they can call it what they want based on their personal biases and my sex should not be relevant to what is expected of me in society. The sex binary is a construct that I've happily broken away from just as much as the gender binary.

Sex has always been a concept that was forced on me: It determines “what's in your pants” (according to cisgender and transgender people alike) and there are two categories that trans people have to fall into. People have this viewpoint that gender and sex are separate, but somehow they bastardized that concept into the idea that your sex is immutable but your gender is not. I've been told by both trans and cis people, both allies and bigots, that I will always be female because that's what my sex is called. In order to change that, I would need extensive surgery and hormone replacement therapy, according to them. Even so, we are often assumed to always be the sex we were assigned no matter what we do.

I don't subscribe to the sex binary in any way. While my gender has some overlap with the gender binary, my sex is a different thing altogether. I refuse to give my sex a binarist label and even reject sex-related terminology that is typically expected in the trans community: I don't talk about my AGAB, I refuse to call myself “FtM” or “MtF”, and I don't call my sex male or female. No matter what my physiology is, I consider my sex to be of a nonbinary quality, existing outside of the sex binary and being unable to be contained within the typical allotted binary boxes we're often expected to fit into. As someone who is transmaverine - maverine being a quality outside of pre-existing governance - I exist outside the governance of bodily convention.

When I began to really be aware of all the intricacies of my identity and all the pieces that make my gender what it is, I looked into how binarism limits my self-identification. As I grew to understand myself more and more over time, I began to shed all the baggage that comes with conformity and convention. Eventually I landed on the topic of sex. Whether we want it to or not, sex plays a huge role in gender exploration, and it's often expected that we either have a sex that matches our gender or that we subvert sex linearly (that is, we move along a straight path from assigned sex to a new sex.) None of this was ever appealing to me as a concept and so, instead of playing a part in this performance, I decided to reject it altogether.

Some folks are of the male sex, some are female, some consider themselves to be in-between, and some are null of sex. Many of these concepts are physical in nature and have a defined blueprint, which is what society expects from all people. But I don't feel like any of these terms accurately capture how I view my sex and I don't believe that changing my physiology is the only way to gain access to a nonbinary sex. If my gender can be man without having to change myself on a physical level, then my sex can be nonbinary in quite the same way. Nobody should have to undergo costly and stressful surgeries just to be seen as who they truly are.

There's a particular term that was always thrown my way whenever I brought up the idea of having a nonbinary sex. That term is altersex. It's a word for those who wish to change their sex to something unconventional or who view their sex in a way that does not fit societal standards. For a while I had assumed that the desire to physically transition was a prerequisite for altersex people to use the term, that there had to be some kind of physical change planned in order to fit the label, but apparently the definition was expanded early on to include those who simply viewed their sex in a nonconforming way. Still, this term goes out of its way to separate itself from gender labels, but I prefer to use a label to describe my sex that is typically used to describe gender. I don't see my sex as something incompatible with my nonbinary gender and I don’t believe my gender and my sex should use entirely separate and distinct descriptors. I call my sex nonbinary and I think that it would benefit a lot of trans and nonbinary people if they tried to do the same. Try to say “I am a man and this is a man's body, therefore my sex is male,” or “I am nonbinary and this is a nonbinary body, therefore my sex is nonbinary.” This can work for any kind of gender, really.

Of course, there are dozens of labels out there that can describe sex in nonconforming ways - neumel (neutral sex), aporale (aporine sex), oumel (outherine sex), enbinmel (nonbinary sex) - and a number of them may come pretty close to describing exactly the way I view my sex. Enbinmel is right there as a word for having a nonbinary sex, so why don’t I choose this one? To me, it’s empowering to use a term that is typically used to describe gender to describe sex instead. It’s a way for me to queer sex with the same aggressive nonconformity with which I queer gender, to say “fuck you” to all convention and label myself on my own terms, even if it makes no sense to most people.

That’s really the struggle right now: Trying to help make sense of nonbinary sex for people who view sex as a physiological two-part model, because I can see myself having to explain that my nonbinary sex doesn’t have a specific “look” and that it’s just what I call my sex. I call myself bigender, which in turn also doesn’t “look” like anything. I call myself a man, neutrois, transmaverine, and none of these things have a “look.” But people tend to hold on to the material and seem to prefer some kind of visual evidence of gender. Masculine is masculine and feminine is feminine. To some, nonbinarity should have some kind of visual signifier so that they can wrap their heads around the concept. The problem is that gender is not that simple and while sex may be assigned based on specific observed traits, it’s not that simple either.

To those folks, I say: Gender is a construct that is entirely mental and traditionally, there may be some kind of perceived aesthetic that matches or subverts specific genders, but it’s otherwise more flexible than traditionalists tend to view it. Sex is something assigned based on biases and can pave the way for how we are raised and what is expected of us in society. We can call our sexes whatever we want and we can choose to break away from our assignment if it means living a more authentic life. Sex, gender, and many other aspects of our identities are very personal and it really shouldn’t concern others how we choose to navigate these concepts. It often feels like all of society is an oppressive force of conformity with few options for exploration. Many of us choose to look at all the options forced upon us and simply say “no thank you!” or “not applicable!”

I never talked much about my physical transition goals in videos or blog posts and the older I get, the less inclined I am to do so. I don't need a specific transition plan in mind just to convince others to view my labels as valid and I'm sure as hell not shelling out money for a surgery that can “perfectly” encompass all the many facets of my gender. Few nonbinary people even have access to nonbinary options for surgery because of the heavily binarized medical field and the expectation for sex to be of two distinct physiological categories. This is why being able to call our genders and our sexes what we want, both equally, is far more beneficial to our individual journeys of self-exploration. We are valid because we are self-identified.

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i was just wondering if theres any type of gender where you feel comfortable presenting as male/feminine-male online but to people you know irl you're a female/tomboy? ^^

Netgender refers to a gender you feel more when online! So you could be a netboy. If it's just that you aren't comfortable sharing your true identity irl but are when online, that's more complicated. Idk if there's any term for that yet (other than closeted but I don't want to assume that abt you)

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Nixic Pro/Jux(era/vir) Combo Flags

Nijuproxevira (pro/nijuxevira \ pro/nijuxeravir \ nijuproxeravir): juproxevira & nixeravir;

(Pro)Nijuxavire (nijuproxavire): projuxavire & nixavire;

Juxera Nixvir;

Nixera Proxvir.

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Xirl and Xoy

Xirl: 

Someone who identifies in some was as a nonbinary girl or nonbinary girl-adjacent. Someone who identifies with some part of woman/girlhood but who wants a more nonbinary and neutral sounding word because they aren’t entirely girls or don’t want to be associated with the typical ideas brought up by the word “girl.”

[image description: a flag with five stripes. from top to bottom they are: pink, green, pink, green, pink. an hourglass symbol is behind the center stripe but in front of the others. in the hourglass, the colors change to: black, white, (pink), white, black]

Full size [Here]

Xoy: 

Someone who identifies in some was as a nonbinary boy or nonbinary boy-adjacent. Someone who identifies with some part of man/boyhood but who wants a more nonbinary and neutral sounding word because they aren’t entirely boys or don’t want to be associated with the typical ideas brought up by the word “boy.” 

[image description: same as above, but with blue instead of pink]

Full size [Here]

Designed by: Unknown

Color meanings: 

The pinkish-lavender or greenish-blue represents the connection and closeness of this identity to woman/girlhood or man/boyhood without quite being girl or boy.

The green represents how it is a nonbinary identity and how it can be an entirely off-binary/binary-adjacent thing for some people.

The white is there to bring the pinkish-lavender/greenish-blue and green together as a reminder of the genderqueer flag.

The grey represents the entire spectrum of possible meanings for this gender and how it’s a grey area with a lot of room for individual meaning.

Terms coined by: Unknown

Full pride gallery HERE! FAQ and “dictionary” of genders, orientations, and other related terms HERE. Send any questions to Ask-Pride-Color-Schemes!

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DNI updated to reword some things to better reflect my intentions behind it.

Changelog:

-Added DNI for people who don't believe in transandrophobia (bigotry directed specifically at trans men and adjacent identities, idc what word you prefer to use for it). If you're on the fence about it but aren't against people who recognize this issue you're fine for now. Prior followers aren't grandfathered in, so please quietly unfollow if you don't think that trans men face specific issues due to who they are.

-Reworded DNI regarding engaging in or supporting content meant to be "stimulating" towards inherently nonconsensual paraphilias, after realizing that the way I worded it sounded like I was also against supportive content about those paraphilias that don't condone engaging in harmful behaviors because of them. I'm very pro-para and believe that support is important, but I don't think that excuses any harmful behavior. Just clarifying.

Also, still inactive/hiatus, just went through my asks. My ADHD is kicking my ass so hard that I can't do much of anything right now, sorry. Please go to @radiomogai for a similarly intentioned archive blog that is active and actually tags stuff lol

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were you a lithroalterous daydreamer?

Nope!

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i love your notion, it's so thorough and informative! you mentioned being abused by someone with NPD, are you okay?

Thanks for the concern, but I'm okay now! :) I haven't been in contact with them in years and my current partner is amazing and taught me what a healthy relationship actually looks like. No lasting damage, I just learned a lot from it.

Context: I mention this in a section explaining why I think the idea of "narcissistic abuse" is BS and is the same as "regular" abuse because I've been abused by people with and without it and it's exactly the same, for those possibly concerned that I'm anti-NPD or think it makes you bad or something. In context, it was the opposite, just stating my experiences, why I have that belief, and why I think that people with NPD are arbitrarily and unfairly treated as evil.

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I must say it is very odd to be rad inclus and anti ship 😭 unfortunate to see someone be bigoted against paras/queers/kinks I hope its okay we followed /gen /nm

No, it's not ok that you ignored my DNI. /m /srs

I'm the most kink/para positive person you'll ever meet, I just think that some things are unethical, and that paraphilias aren't an excuse to participate in those harmful things. Certain paras are in my DNI for personal trauma reasons. Fuck off

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Hi, I don’t know if I identify a certain way but am trying to find the term (if it exists yet) to research it more. I’m definitely pan, but sometimes I wonder if my attraction to women is actually constant. Have you heard of a label where part of the attraction is fixed , but the other part is fluid? Almost like partially abrosexual & abroromantic?

Pulsaric might be what you're looking for!

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Is there a gender where you feel mostly boyflux bit sometimes demigirl?

There isn't anything specific to those genders I'm aware of, but it would count as genderfluid, as you're a different gender sometimes and the specific genders can be anything in genderfluidity. I'd look into types of genderfluidity if you want something more specific- try searching @radiomogai 's archive or (carefully, make sure to check sources) look at wikis that have different terms in them. I understand wanting something more specific when the genders you're fluid between aren't binary genders or whatever most would associate with a genderfluid individual, good luck finding what feels right for you.

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hi, would it be possible for you to make a bigotry ocd flag ? ive always categorized it under scrupulosity, but a more specific term seems useful, considering how many different things scrupulosity can be. its basically when your intrusive thoughts are about being bigoted or being perceived as bigoted. itd probably be pretty popular, a lot of the people i know who have ocd have this subtype. i’d make it myself, but idk if you’re comfortable with someone else making a flag in your style, and id like it to match the other ones. thank you ! ^^

Hi! You're more than welcome to use my format to make flags for other subtypes. Others already have without asking lol (no shade to them, I don't mind as long as it's done in good faith). Totally optional, but it would be cool if you could tag me so I can see it when you're done! I have shades of this subtype (intrusive thoughts of slurs for no reason at all, and yeah it is very distressing) so I'd love to see it made. I've seen a site recognize R-OCD (racism OCD) already, in fact it was one I was going to work on before... Whatever the hell is going on with me now where I have no motivation to do anything. It's definitely real.

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i love your notion site! how do i make one for myself?

Hi, thank you! I just made an account and followed the instructions to make my own site. Tbh I don't really remember the process now TwT; When it comes to formatting, the way I do it is by using the innate tools that let you make categories, subcategories, and so on, and I personally use drop-down formatting for each term to hide the definition until it's opened manually (to make it easier to read). You can also add icons or emojis to each category, and add background colors, which I did for fun and aesthetics! Ultimately it's up to you how you choose to use the formatting tools to organize things. You might use different categories than I do, as mine are pretty personalized to my own identities, but the same idea is there. Sorry if this isn't very helpful or specific, I'm happy to answer more specific questions if needed. Just keep in mind I'm not very active right now (sorry, it just makes me feel bad knowing I don't have the spoons to do anything here but lurk at the moment) so replies will be sporadic.

(btw, on that note, if anyone here wants to keep in touch with me or talk or ask me anything or collab or whatever, I use telegram, and sometimes discord but I'm more active on telegram because it's how I talk to my partner, and I don't talk to anyone else much. Feel free to ask, keeping in mind I may not agree if you're a minor, there are DNI conflicts, or I'm unable to socialize at that time for some reason).

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The Alanqar family has a new baby to care for, and three very young children, Zeina, Eileen, and Yamen, the oldest of which is 7 years old. They need your help to restore hope and safety to their lives!!

🍉They are currently at €61,257 out of their €75,000 goal - please consider donating to them and helping them reach their goal as quickly as possible!!

🌟 This campaign has been vetted by @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi - #264 on the vetted Gaza fundraiser list.

🕊 Show your support to Ahmed and Dina by following their account @zinaanqar - their account has been suspended multiple times and they can use the support!

🇵🇸

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Hello🤗

I Wish You and Your Family Safety and Happiness❤

Please Donate to us to save my family🙏🤲

Can you please Donate now and Reblog the post with your friends🌹🙏

Thank you all🌹🌹♥

Hello! I reblogged your pinned post to my main blog but I'm happy to do so here too. Stay safe 🍉💗

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Updated DNI to include those who are against the use of neoAGAB labels/identities (and other forms of AGAB nonconformity)

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Hello,,

My name is Fatima Alanqar, I am 30 years old, and my husband Bilal Dader is 33. We are parents to five children: Yazan (12), Fadl (11), Zina (10), Rajaa (7), and our baby girl Basma, who is just a year and a half old.

My lovely family

We live in Tal AlHawa, Gaza. In the early days of the war, we were forced to flee our home after it was completely destroyed by occupation forces with fire and missiles. Our car was also burned down to a heap of metal, and all our clothes were burned too. We have been displaced 17 times, each time escaping death by a miracle. We walked long distances on foot with our children who struggled to keep up, driven by fear to escape danger.

After years of effort and construction for our house, then one day and one night everything vanished

My children's mental health has been shattered. They have suffered immensely from fear, displacement, and homelessness, with barely enough food and water to feed a small cat. They have endured carrying water over long distances throughout the day, surrounded by destruction, rockets, and shrapnel. They were deprived of continuing their education, despite being top students.

One of those times when we had to sleep in our previously destroyed house, a missile landed on us and, by God’s grace, it did not explode.

My children have been deprived of the food they love and need for their bodies and minds to grow, enduring constant fear and terror day and night for 10 months without any peace or rest. We also contracted many diseases, including hepatitis and skin infections due to the lack of water and hygiene supplies in overcrowded shelters and sometimes in our destroyed home :( . We were also forced to stay completely still for periods ranging from 3 to 7 days due to the ongoing siege, drinking contaminated water out of fear of the tanks around us.

Our car was not spared from the bombing either

The children's rooms were completely burned...

Some members of my family were martyred, and others were injured. Fear, crying, and sadness fill the place.

We once had all the comforts and basic tools for a decent life, but now we have lost everything. We cook our food over open fires despite the exhaustion and heat, and we barely manage to get flour, water, and firewood. Yet we remain resilient in northern Gaza despite the bombing, hunger, and severe shortages of water, medicine, and necessary supplies.

And now, that's all we have

I was even forced to wean my year-and-a-half-old daughter due to the lack of milk :( .

We are displaced and homeless, continuously moving from one place to another until this dreadful war ends.

My heart breaks for her.... :

We are in desperate need of your help. We invite you to contribute to this fund to save my family and provide us with a safe shelter, food, water, and healthcare for all of us. Please share our story with your friends and family to raise awareness and support. Your words and prayers give us the strength to endure these difficult circumstances.

Your donation, no matter how small, can make a big difference in our lives. We rely on your support and standing by us during this tough time. Together, we can restore hope and safety for Fatima and her family.

With deepest gratitude from your faithful friend,

Fatima and Family

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I was thinking in terms like somnipartnered or fictopartnered… what do you think?

Based on somni-/somnio-/somno- and ficto-

Fictopartnered sounds good!

Somnipartnered could be fine but it needs to be clearly defined to only include consensual relationships. This is my SFW queer blog so I won't get into it in detail, but regarding attraction to, or relationships with, sleeping or otherwise unconscious beings, there is a lot that needs to be taken into consideration to ensure that it's not used for anything besides the very specific consensual scenarios that fall under that. I'd genuinely recommend including full guidelines to consent in somni stuff with any term relating to it even if it isn't inherently referring to a sexual relationship (consent is important in every relationship). I have personal experience with this (as the sleeping partner) so I can help provide those guidelines, but because it is paraphilia-adjacent and it's so important to be clear regarding the consent issue and that requires getting into specifics, I'm only ok talking about this with an adult.

Also if you're referring to like, partners you have in your dreams or something, sorry for that whole side-thing unrelated to your intent! But I can't really talk about somni- anything without bringing the consent issue to attention because it is highly complex and very important to take seriously for certain things like this, or hypnosis, or whatever may involve temporarily giving away one's agency, consensually.