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They’re streaming Coachella on WeChat in China and I’m losing my mind at this poor censor who was trying to move this black box around to censor the dancers’ asses while Megan Thee Stallion was performing “WAP.” Someone please find the clip and post it on here, I can’t explain how funny it was to watch this black box frantically bounce around from ass to ass while being controlled by a man desperately trying not to lose his job

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Human Informant (Frieza x gn!reader) - Part Two to Alien Invasion

Read Part One here

It was not often that Frieza found himself in the act of sparing life forms of insignificant power or explicit usefulness. Yet the human race found themselves outliving their expected annihilation. The courage of one singular human had spared the entirety of their race. Tapping his long tail against the cool metal of his throne Frieza gazed out over Earth 2.0 below.

Y/N was a refreshing change. While the human was (rightfully) weary of the alien Emperor, they refused to cower in fear as the rest of their species had. Instead, Y/N had offered directions and valuable information that he had asked for. While shaken up at the thought of being flown hundreds of feet up in the air by Zarbon, Y/N had still questioned the limiting of their sight.

Once at Capsule Corp the human had been of even greater assistance. After pointing out what each building on the estate was, or likely was if Y/N was unsure, the trio had made their way to the Provisional Government building. Unsurprisingly the Government was in session and anxiously awaiting their arrival. News spread quickly and there was no doubt that someone had notified them as soon as the alien duo and their pet human had taken off.

Frieza had taken little time in informing the room of his importance and status in the universe before setting out what he expected from his new pets. Technology. While some human technology and resources were relatively primitive, the race showed great potential to adapt and innovate. Given the right tools they would be a useful source of technological advancement and aid to his Empire. In turn for technology he would pardon their occupation of his planet. This offer had of course been paired with his characteristic wit and charm, insulting the weakness of human strength in one breath while praising their innovation and adaptability in the other.

The braver, or perhaps stupider, politicians broke out in hushed debate over his ‘proposal.’ Frieza was not to be denied, Y/N had seen first hand what his impatience and annoyance looked like. Evidence of it could be seen back at the explosion site. Before a committee member had the opportunity to speak up in denial, question Frieza, or say something that may be misconstrued, Y/N spoke up.

“With all due respect there is no room for debate. This is a one time offer with a looming expiration date if you don’t accept it soon. I’m sure you’ve already heard about the destruction at Base City Two…” Y/N tapered off not wanting to give Frieza any ideas. “The human is right, time is ticking. If you don’t accept my offer now I’m afraid I’ll have to forcibly remove you from my planet” Frieza taunted the room, eyes boring down at officials from his elevated throne. He was slightly impressed by Y/N’s initiate to wrap things up. The longer he was made to wait the more the human government pressed their luck.

“Very well” one official spoke up, head bowed in defeat, “we of course accept and will begin whatever preparations you deem necessary as soon as told.” A smug smirk painted the corners of Frieza’s mouth, “I’m glad we could come to an… agreement. Starting tomorrow my soldiers and scientists will be in touch to make the necessary preparations and teachings of higher technology. For now, I will retire to my ship. I look forward to working together.”

With that Frieza’s floating throne sharply turned to face Y/N and Zarbon. “Come we return to the ship. Bring Y/N with us, they will act as our informant on human culture, politics, and science” the Emperor ordered Zarbon. Together the three blasted into the sky leaving a wake of stunned humans.

Masterlist

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Alien Invasion (Frieza x gn!reader)

Request: “Idk if you write for him but could we please have a Frieza x female human reader pls? Idk why but I am starved of this! Spare a few crumbs pls?”

AU (events of DBZ don't happen)

Earth was gone. Destroyed in a meteor shower. Officials had predicted the meteor shower and in conjunction with Capsule Corp had made preparations for the evacuation of the population. A random ticketing system had been rolled out to fill spots on the evacuation crafts. Y/N had been fortunate enough to have been allocated a space on one of these shifts. 

They had set off on a voyage amongst the stars, searching for a suitable but uninhabited planet for resettlement. After several months of exploration in the dark void of space a planet had been located and settled upon. The ruins of an ancient alien civilisation were present but no sentient species seemed to inhabit the planet. A bad omen that was reinforced by piles of weathered bones strewn across paths and huddled in houses. Genocide, At least that’s what it looked like. Yet after observing the planet for a month and sending scouting teams out no particular evil could be found. Whatever had caused the atrocities seemed to have moved on.

So the remainder of the human race dutifully cleaned up, burying skeletons in neatly dug graves and erecting memorials to pay respects to the unknown peoples. What could be restored of the ruined cities were marked out and the rest cleared to make way for temporary capsule homes and communal structures. Life seemed to be settling, humanity adjusting to their new home. 

After a year on the planet the sky had filled with UFO’s. They’d opened up and the sky had swarmed with alien soldiers all uniformed in the same armour. In the middle a striking white and purple alien floated upon a throne. After it was sure that it had captured the attention of all nearby humans it spoke, “My my isn’t this an interesting sight. This planet was occupied and cleared by my soldiers many years ago after the population refused to kneel to my rule. Such a shame really, they could have flourished under my command. No matter, they got what they deserved for the disobedience. Yet, here I find your species, settled in on the ash of a once great civilisation. I must say you’ve done a marvelous job at rebuilding in such a short time.” 

It’s voice was shriller than expected given its muscular form, yet under different circumstances Y/N would have found it enticing. “Oh how rude of me, I haven’t even introduced myself. I am Lord Frieza, Emperor of the Universe and the owner of this planet. It seems that despite being such a weak race you are rather technologically advanced. So if you point me to your leader or leaders I am willing to strike a deal. You will work for me, as part of my Empire, creating new technologies or you will perish as those on this planet who refused me before you did” Frieza declared his voice laced with amusement, “now who will point me in the direction of your leader?” 

Not a sound was made by the large crowd who had gathered underneath the shadow of the looming invasionary army. “Very well maybe I should show you a small taste of my power to motivate you” Frieza declared. Simply raising a finger towards the largest tower the alien shot out a pink beam of light. For a moment nothing happened and the crowd watched on with bated breath. But then a blinding beam of light flashed followed by an ear bursting boom as the tower was eviscerated. With a smirk Frieza turned his attention back to the crowd. Before Y/N could even process what they were doing, they heard their own voice ring out, “Excuse me Lord Frieza, I can show you the way to Capsule Corp. It’s the location of the family who built the ships that got us here and our provisional government is located there while a new building is being built for them.” 

Frieza’s eyes locked on to the human before him, assessing the being. They weren’t powerful by any means but in truth he admired their bravery in the face of such overwhelming danger. After all, the rest of their race was either too stunned or fearful to react or had begun to dash away screaming. “Very well. Zarbon you will accompany me. Dodoria you will stay here and keep an eye on our soldiers. I am a man of my word after all and no harm is to be done without my orders” Frieza barked out, “Do you know how to fly human?” The stunned expression that danced across their face over the revelation most sentient life forms could fly told Frieza all he needed to know. Lowering his throne slightly he beckoned the human over sharply. “What is your name?” he queried. Frieza was returned with a simple “Y/N, my lord.” “Very well Y/N, we will need a good run down on the current state of the planet, the extent to which you’ve settled, and a great many other things. Since you’ve already proven yourself far more useful than these other humans you will come with us to this Capsule Corp and ensure I am as informed on everything I need to be” Frieza asserted, “now be a dear and tell us exactly where it is we need to go.”

After giving a detailed description of what Capsule Corp and its surrounding area looked like paired with detailed directions Frieza seemed satisfied. “Very well. Zarbon, you are to carry our guest. Gently, these humans are delicate creatures” Frieze commanded. With that Y/N was scooped up by the muscular green alien, cradled awkwardly against his cool armour. “Excuse me” Y/N squeaked, “wouldn’t it be better if I could see where we were going so that I can direct you? I can’t really see anything like this.” Zarbon scoffed at being questioned, “No. With the speed we will be travelling at, your weak eyes won’t be able to see anything anyway. We’ll be travelling off the directions you already gave to get to the area and then figure it out from there.” Nodding Y/N clung to Zarbon. “Let’s go” Frieza ordered, levitating up higher into the air. Following his lead Zarbon took to the air and at jet-like speeds the trio took off leaving the rest of the army staring in their wake.

Read Part Two here

Masterlist

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I could have sworn there was an ask in my box asking for some sort of Goku x reader but it’s gone now?

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This is super handy, thank you! I definitely will be using it to try curb adhd impulse spends

I've been spending a lot of money online recently so I made a handy chart to go through before I buy anything online. This is for items like clothing and frivolous things like decorations btw, it doesn't apply to food or necessities. Basically it's my way of safeguarding against overspending, and I thought other people might find it helpful too.

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Escalating Tensions (Thorin x poly!reader x Thranduil)

This is part two to Reigniting Old Feuds. I will be writing a part three. Request by @satans-bitch

Clasping the hot porcelain cup between their hands, Y/N stared blankly into the crackling fire of the hearth. The room flickered as flames licked up logs and turned the kindling too ash. The fighting and jealousy of their two lovers had run Y/N ragged and in a bid to escape it they had returned to the peace of their modest home in Dale. As the moon shone through the window the cozy home felt lonely. Yet Y/N would rather face the bitter sting of loneliness than continue to suffer through the raging rivalry between Thorin and Thranduil. The young human began to reflect upon the beginning of their relationship.

Harsh banging upon the door startled Y/N awake. Realising they had cried themself to sleep at their desk after having envoys deliver each king their answer the young advisor gently rubbed their eyes. Gritty sleep fell from as Y/N cringed at their swollen feel. Rising and straightening themselves out Y/N took in a deep breath before heading to answer the door. Y/N had a decent idea of who it might be visiting so early in the morning. Upon answering the door Y/N had little chance to step back before two figures were barging their way into the small home, arguing the entire time.

Thranduil and Thorin stood before Y/N each looking as though they’d had little sleep the night before. “You’re serious about what you sent then? That you won’t choose between the two of us” Thorin broached carefully. Having little energy left Y/N simply nodded. Thorin pursed his lips together tightly as his brows furrowed. “What if you didn’t have to choose between us?” Thranduil reasoned. Y/N straightened up surprised by the implication of Thranduil’s words. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting” Y/N squeaked searching both kings faces trying to gauge their feelings.

“We spoke about it before we came. While neither of us is particularly keen on the thought of sharing, we also don’t want to lose you” Thorin confirmed. “Can you promise that you will not be jealous of one another? That we can set boundaries to stop any resentment or jealousy building?” Y/N questioned cautiously. It was fine to suggest a polyamorous relationship, but Y/N knew that with two rivals as volatile as these two it was likely to devolve into jealousy, bitterness, and anger. A war would not benefit any kingdom, least of all Dale who’d be stuck in the middle of it.

Both monarchs nodded in confirmation. “Our proposal is simple; you would send a month at a time in each of our kingdoms. During that time, the other partner is welcome to write to you, send gifts, and, if agreed upon by the receiving monarch, may even come to visit from time to time. You’d be free to come and go as you please of course and if you wish to return to Dale at any point we can have that arranged too” Thranduil reasoned. “That seems reasonable” Y/N admitted as they mulled over the proposition. “We’ve agreed that even if tension was to arise between the two of us” Thorin gestured to Thranduil “neither kingdom would suffer for it. Trade and allyship is to the benefit of both of our people if Sauron is to return.” Bowing their head a large smile broke out on Y/N’s face, “then I accept this deal.”

A small smile had made its way to Y/N’s lip as they reminisced upon the beginning of the relationship. It had been a surprise that the two had even settled on such an agreement but not unwelcome by any means. If anything, it had seemed an omen of good things to come. Things had been great between the three of them, at least for several months before the jealousy had set in and two rivals had fallen back into old habits.

After having spent a month in Erebor with Thorin, Y/N had made the journey by armed escort to the Woodland Realm. Thranduil had been delighted to see his beloved, sweeping Y/N into his arms as soon as the guards had left his sight. Nuzzling his nose into Y/N’s neck he’d suddenly paused, a sudden stiffness to his embrace. Surprised Y/N pulled back slightly trying to figure out what was going on. Thranduil’s hand shot up to clasp the newly beaded braid woven into their hair. His grip was gentle enough as to not hurt them but firm as he inspected the bead. Tight jawed Thranduil had said nothing else about it before dropping his hand and pulling Y/N along to their shared chambers.

The Elven King did not need to say anything, his thoughts were clear. Thranduil was bothered by the braid and courting bead that Thorin had gifted Y/N. The dwarven lover had meticulously woven strand upon strand together as an open declaration of his love to any who came across Y/N. Outside of the overwhelming sense of love and pride such an action had imbued them with, Y/N had thought little upon what Thranduil would think about such a gesture. Now it seemed that perhaps that oversight was a mistake, that envy would once again rear its ugly head.

Y/N kicked themself for not putting a stop to it then. In truth they hoped that it would resolve itself, it certainly seemed like it had when the rest of the visit went on uneventful. They should have known it was the calm before the storm.

The night before Y/N was set to return to Erebor Thranduil had presented Y/N with a breath-taking gift. Reasoning that if Thorin was allowed to permanently mark Y/N as his that Thranduil should have the same right he had presented them with a delicate bead imbued with the White Gems of Lasgalen. So, Y/N found themself with a braid and courting bead from both king’s woven into each side of their hair.

Y/N only hoped that the act wouldn’t upset Thorin, especially considering the significance of courting beads and hair braiding in dwarven culture. Their prayers went unanswered.

Approaching the towering stone gates of Erebor Y/N wrung their hands nervously. Thorin awaited them with at the gates with a glowing grin. His excitement was short lived. Once his eyes had spotted the elven braid his brow had furrowed, and mood darkened. Greeting Y/N cordially as not to give away his upset to anyone watching their greeting. After sweeping Y/N away to settle into their quarters in the royal wing he’d kissed Y/N fiercely before storming out. “I have a letter to write to that elven bastard” Thorin had boomed as he stalked towards his study.

Things had only soured from there with countless other tense meetings and angry words shared. That was why Y/N found themself back in Dale, an attempt to escape the escalating hostilities and regroup. It was obvious that if they did not intervene now that the two would continue to annoy Y/N with their childish bickering. A game plan was needed, and Y/N knew the exact man to help come up with it.

Like my work? Read more here.

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Reigniting Old Feuds (Thranduil x poly!reader x Thorin)

This is part one of a request made by @satans-bitch.

Original request: "the reader being in a polyamorous relationship with Thranduil and Thorin but recently they have both been getting jealous of each other so the reader has to help them sort their shit out cause they keep annoying the reader with their bickering."

Y/N had grown up on tales of Dale as a small child. A magnificent city of opportunity, trade, and hope with bustling paved streets and stone watchtowers that touched the sky. The city whose rivers ran gold with wealth and no man, women, or child suffered. Until the Sack of Erebor had forced its residents to flee down the mountain to escape the jaws of the dragon as he left his hoard to feast. Since then, tales of longing had been passed down from parent to child aching for the day Dale could be reclaimed.

Unlike many of Dale’s descendants who had built a new home upon the lake, Y/N’s ancestors had fled further from the jaws of the dragon to the edge of Mirkwood. By no means a glamorous life, the small village offered safety and security away from the shadow of the mountain. Yet it was still close enough that word of Smaug’s defeat had reached the village quickly. Packing up what little supplies and labour you could spare, you’d made for your ancestral home.

While expecting the city to have been somewhat damaged from Smaug’s night raids, the corpses of orc, goblin, man, elf, and dwarf had been unexpected. Y/N  quickly came to learn the reason; the Battle of the Five Armies. So, the cleanup began, determination to see the beauty of the city restored bringing Y/N into the service of Bard the Dragonslayer, newly named king of Dale. The pairs shared goals brought a quick and easy friendship, with the King appointing them one of his advisors.

It was within this role Y/N came to know both the King of Carven Stone and the Elven-King. After their reluctant truce against their orcish enemy, it was decided in the months following the war that the three would meet in Dale to attempt to rekindle treaties of old. Under the impression it would only be the three of them meeting for the first greeting both kings were taken off guard when Bard announced another would be joining them. Yet neither king had protested once they laid eyes upon the human joining them. While Bard had initially requested your attendance as a mediator between the three, he soon noticed each king stealing glances at Y/N when he thought no one was looking. 

Outside of the trade talks each king began to seek Y/N out. The excuse of asking their opinion on Dale’s trade needs and desires was used by each king to bridge the gap and invite them to dinner. From there Y/N’s connection with each monarch flourished. Each lavished Y/N with attention and trinkets over the first fortnight of the talks. But the fixations of their rival on their new beloved did not escape either king.

Trade talks devolved into arguments and heated glares across the table despite Bard and Y/N’s placating. The King of Dale began to regret bringing Y/N into the talks despite their prowess as an advisor. While he recognised it was not their fault, Y/N had become a source of tension between Thranduil and Thorin. Y/N found themselves in a precarious situation.

While on one hand Y/N wished to step back from the talks and the kings hoping that it would calm tempers. They knew it would not be easy nor polite to ignore the requests of a king. A selfish part of Y/N didn’t want to step away either, desperate to remain as close to the pair as possible for the short amount of time they had left together before the discussion ended. There was the potential that they may never see one another again.

Yet that would not be the case. In the final days of the gathering each King made their way to Y/N to confess their feelings. The Elven King came to confess first, inviting them on a stroll under the stars. Thranduil was silver tongued, waxing together elegant declarations of admiration. While the king generally refused to speak of his first wife, Thranduil had stressed that in the centuries since her loss he had never felt so strongly for another. It was as though Y/N had hung the stars back into a sky that had been drained of all colours. If she would have him then Thranduil would be theirs for eternity. His confessions had taken the human by surprise and well assuring Thranduil she was just as interested in him Y/N had asked for time to think his proposition over.

Not to be out done Thorin appeared upon Y/N’s doorstep at first light the next day. Whisking Y/N away to his own private residence, they were greeted by an extraordinary feast upon the dining table. After breaking their fast Thorin was quick to assert the depths of his feelings, his surety that after all this time Y/N was his one, and his intentions to court them officially should they accept. Flattered Y/N had assured Thorin of their admiration for him but let slip Thranduil’s proposition from the night before. The Dwarven King’s blood boiled at the thought of the Elven scum anywhere near Y/N but honouring their request for time to mull everything over he bit back his jealousy.

After Thorin’s confession a very flustered Y/N had burst into Bard’s home seeking his counsel. Once he had been filled in on the situation by his distressed friend, the King of Dale made the decision to send out envoys to each of the Kings requesting that trade talks be paused until the situation was resolved. Over a very early pint Bard gave Y/N some much needed hard advice; they should follow their heart but keep in mind that any decision to choose one king over the other could be the spark to rekindle Dwarven/Elven feuds. A bitter tea to swallow but something Y/N knew in their heart to be true; the last few meetings had demonstrated it to no fault. While Y/N was open to the possibility of a polyamorous relationship it was doubtful that two kings, let alone two people who barely got along, would accept such a proposal. Retiring to their home for the rest of the day Y/N knew what had to be done. Each suitor would have to be notified that for the benefit of the three kingdoms Y/N could not accept either betrothal. With any luck the sting of rejection would not sour anything further.

Part two is available now! Check out more of my works here.

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Idk if you write for him but could we please have a Frieza x female human reader pls? Idk why but I am starved of this! Spare a few crumbs pls?

I love Frieza he’s such an awesome character. I’ll try my best to do him some justice! I have another request I’m currently working on but then I’ll write yours ☺️

I’ll comment on this post to let you know when it’s up. Thanks for your request anon ❤️

Read part one here!

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Morning Bliss (King Vegeta x implied fem!reader)

A/N: while the reader is not explicitly stated to be female it is implied through Prince Vegeta being your son.

A small jolt to your bed woke you from your slumber. Blinking sleepily as you came to you became aware of your surroundings. A pair of muscular arms were wound around you securing you in the warm embrace of your husband. In an attempt to snuggle up more with your husband you rolled gently to your other side, trying desperately not to rouse him. In his sleep Vegeta instinctively rolled on to his back, arm still trapped beneath your head. Seizing the opportunity to snuggle into your husband more you nestled your face into his chest, hand gently caressing his other pec.

Sleep softened Vegeta’s face when he shed the burden of kingship in moments like these. You admired your husband, he was strong and unwavering in the face of challenge. You only wished that his rule had not been clouded by the enslavement of your people by Cold and now Frieza. The burden of placating the pink demon wore harshly on Vegeta as he attempted to protect your people. Frieza loved to humiliate your husband, to undermine his authority in front of other Saiyans. The stress wore on him, painted across his face in deep frown lines. His brown flame and kempt beard gave way to a streaky salt and pepper-ness that you knew was not just age. Yet Vegeta went on. Unbroken, unyielding.

“Go back to sleep woman, I can feel your staring” Vegeta’s gruff morning voice teased, lips pulling up at the edges in a slight smile. “I didn’t know it was a crime to admire my husband. After all he seems to enjoy it when our people look upon him with such admiration” you jested back snuggling down into his chest to hide your embarrassment at being caught. Vegeta let out a loud laugh before surprising you by turning onto his side and tugging you tightly into his embrace.

“How dare you mock the King of All Saiyans” Vegeta exclaimed in faux outrage. His fingers dug deep into your sides as he began to tickle you as punishment. His beard brushed up against your neck as you wriggled around trying to free yourself of his embrace. Once Vegeta was thoroughly satisfied that you’d suffered enough his arms were wrapped back around you. His lips found yours for a sweet kiss before he pulled back and kissed your forehead. “Let’s stay like this for a bit longer. I don’t have it in me to start the day yet” Vegeta mused caressing your cheek.

Just then you became aware of a small lump under the sheets worming its way up beside you. It bumped into you several times in its pursuit to reach the top of the sheets. Vegeta noticed your amusement perching up stealthily to see what was going on behind you. Spotting the lump in the sheets he snorted in amusement before settling back down. Stealthily you began to shift your body ever so slightly so you could grab the lump out from under the sheets. Whipping it into your chest and rolling back into your husbands awaiting arms, the lump let out a squeal of surprise followed by a series of giggles.

Pulling the sheets back you were met with the joy filled face of your giggling toddler. “I was so sneaky you and papa didn’t even know I was here” Vegeta giggled trapped in between the two of you. “I knew you were there the whole time, Vegeta. A mother knows everything” you teased your son. Your husband murmured in agreement, face betraying his amusement at the situation. “I think a punishment would be appropriate to teach him for his sneakiness. Wouldn’t you agree, dear?” the older Vegeta suggested, eyes sparkling with mischief.

Before you could even reply your husband was tickling your toddler. Vegeta’s small limbs thrashed around as he giggled in delight at his fathers attention. In a world as harsh as yours, It was moments of joy like these that made fighting on worth it.

Enjoy my work? Check out my Masterlist here.

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Hi!

I was wondering (only if you’re comfortable ofc) writing a one shot of the reader being in a polyamorous relationship with Thranduil and Thorin but recently they have both been getting jealous of each other so the reader has to help them sort their sh!t out cause they keep annoying the reader with their bickering.

Thank you!

Hiya, thank you so much for the request! I thought I’d replied to this earlier but obviously not 🤦🏽‍♀️

I’ve already started working on your request so it shouldn’t take me too long to finish it. I’ll tag you when it’s done though ☺️🫶🏼

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Reblogging this so I can come back to it lol

my library

here's some of the best the hobbit/lotr fanfics I've read cuz they can be quite hard to find and I wanna help

will update the list as I read

Thorin

Smoke, iron and Thorin

Fire and Gold

Learning Khuzdul

Braid of Gold

Thorin being soft

The Beauty of Chance

Those Hands

Misunderstanding

The arrival

A king's crown

Covered In Steam

There's just inches in between us

Thorin after a long day of training with his nephews

In This Moment 

Agreement

Symphony of your life

Oh so quiet

Confession

Find Your Way Back

Fili

fili oneshots

Moonrise

The Most Unpleasant, Defective, and Abominable Incident

Stay with me

The Redeemer

Durin's Garage

Restless

Lost My Way

Charcoal

Kili

The book keeper

insecurities

The beauty and the Beast

getting back at Kili for teasing

My Treasure

Madly in love

It's in his kiss

Love Bites

Sway With Me

Wood Carvings

Softly. . .

Sweet like nectar

A Shot in the Dark

Beorn

Early Mornings

Beorn takes care of you when you're injured

Linger

Legolas

Watcher of Wanderers

The Innocence of Brutality

Blessing

Sensitive

Being best friends with Legolas

Hazy Memories

Spellbound

Thranduil

Bookworm

Relax

Best friends father

Fascination

Flower On My Skin

To Meet Under the Stars

Passenger Princess

Autumn Thunderstorm

I Could Love You With My Eyes Closed

Haldir

Gentle Dark

Lindir

My Heart Is In Your Hands

Moonlight

Just a Little Help

Warriors Great Tales

The Fountain

Return to Me

Èomer

Burnt Bread

A Helping Hand

Wildest Dreams

Falling In Love With A Librarian

SFW alphabet

Happiness

A Roll in the Hay

Blessing

Turning Points

More characters

various characters oneshots

Imagine: elves having highly sensitive ears and you finding out by accidently touching them.

Journey to Erebor

Hair braiding

Elves + Braiding

What Type of Kisser is Each LoTR Character?

The Hobbit Characters + Physical Affection (Suggestive Version)

A Headcanon For Each Member of Thorin’s Company

Cuddling With Thorin's Company

Imagine some of the elves of Middle Earth find out how easy it is to make you (a human staying in Rivendell) blush and become aroused.

The LOTR characters reacting to a modern reader

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Bilbo the Balrog (Company x fem!reader)

This is part two to Bilbo’s Little Sappling

It had been a long tedious day of slogging through swampy paddocks and long tussocks. When it all stopped to make camp for the night, each company member quickly fell into routine, contributing to the set up in their own way. Ori, Dori, Oin, and Balin gathered kindling, while Gloin, Dwalin, and Nori gathered and chopped firewood. Bombur was starting the stew while Bifur and Bofur cleared an area for your bedrolls. While Thorin typically barked out orders on this particular night he seemed fixed on the quiet debate he and Gandalf were having. Likely discussing which route would be the best to take for tomorrow's travel.

Your father had found his place helping Bombur with the nightly stew. You were thankful for Bombur’s kindness towards him. Most of the younger and elderly dwarves had come around to him but there were a few who were still cautious. You didn’t blame them, they looked to their leader for guidance and Thorin was far from accepting.

While you usually floated between jobs tonight you found yourself working alongside the two cooks. They left you to skin and prepare the fresh game while they dealt with the vegetables and gathered fresh water. Once each dwarf had finished their prospective task and the fire had been tended to, they gathered eagerly around awaiting supper. All but Fili and Kili who had been sent to watch the ponies.

So once you had helped dish up for each of the company members, you filled three more bowls. Expertly balancing the three bowls, you sought out the two young princes’. Camp had been made in a small clearing in the forest you had come too, while the ponies were slightly further away so as not to disturb you all in the night. After trekking the short distance from camp you broke through the trees to find the herd. The brothers sat lazily upon a rock overseeing them but it didn’t take long for them to spot you. Beaming they both sat up straighter, puffing out their chests ever so slightly as they did.

A small giggle threatened to burst out of your lips at the site. Hastening your stride you’ve made it to them in no time, pushing a bowl into each of their hands before settling down with your own. “Mhmm good good and even better company” Fili teased with a flirtatious smile. Flushing you quickly fixed your gaze to the bowl in your lap.

“Aw stop it Fili, you’re embarrassing her” Kili chimed, pinching one of your cheeks with his free hand. Sweating his hand away you desperately tried to come up for something to retort. But before you could say anything, an enraged hobbit burst through the bushes, startling the nearest ponies.

“What is wrong with you two? Do you have no manners or shame? If I was your mother I’d be highly disappointed” Bilbo raged. Taking in his flared nostrils and beet red face the two young princes quickly threw their hands up in surrender. “How dare you try to take advantage of my daughter out in the woods where you thought no one would see you. I - WE have customs around courting and this is highly inappropriate and downright offensive. To a cost, a young lady alone like this with no chaperone is ungentlemanly” Bilbo continued, the vein in his forehead bulging.

By now, the rest of the company had come flying through the woods, to see what was going on. Slack-jawed and lost for words the young princes’, meekly stared on at Bilbo in surprise. You said nothing, knowing it was better to let him rant it out lest the brunt of his protective ramblings be turned on you.

“Bilbo my good lad, what is all this fuss about?” Gandalf soothed. “These two hooligans were coming on to my daughter! They thought no one would catch them! Well they thought wrong!” Bilbo flung his arms animatedly as he ranted on.

“Is this true?” Thorin gruffly questioned his nephews. The two vehemently shook their heads, still at a loss for words. “(Y/N) are they telling the truth?” Thorin questioned. “They meant no harm, we were simply having one another on. All Kili did was pinch my cheek after Fili had made a joke. I swear nothing else happened nor was anything else going to happen” you replied in earnest.

“Well that’s certainly not what it looked like to me” your father huffed. The rest of the company seemed highly amused as they watched on. “Well it seems the matter is settled then” Gandalf comforted, “(Y/N) why don’t you come back to camp with the rest of us and leave Fili and Kili to their watch.” Nodding you made your way over to Gandalf and your father.

The wizard was quick to lay a grandfatherly hand on each of your shoulders and guide you back towards camp. With the matter resolved the dwarves behind you lit up with a muted buzz of whispers about the incident. One thing was certain, nobody would be making the same mistake as the two brothers had. Lest they want to face Bilbo the Balrog.

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A Chance at Redemption (Raditz x platonic!gn!sibling)

Warnings: mentions of character death

Sucking in a deep breath Raditz shot up grasping his chest. His fingers found the rough cracks and gaping hole in his armor but it was the smooth undamaged flesh underneath that disturbed him. Scanning his eyes over his chest the Saiyan could see no visible signs of the blast wound that damned Namekian had given him. There was no reality where this had been a bad dream, after all he could see the lush fields and distant mountains of his landing site on the Earth. Yet somehow here he was, unscathed with no pod in sight nor any signs of the prior battle he had fought.

Could it be a miracle? Had he somehow returned to life? It was the slimmest of chances but had Vegeta used the Dragon Balls to revive him? As the world had begun to spin and fade Raditz swore he had heard Vegeta scoff at Nappa’s suggestion of reviving him. It wasn’t like Vegeta to go out of his way to do anything for anybody else, least of all Raditz. No, the princeling had always looked down upon him. His status as a midclass Saiyan with high battle power ensured that. One less Saiyan simply meant less competition for Vegeta in the brutal world they found themselves trapped in. Still, it also meant one less ally – maybe even with his shortcomings Vegeta had realized he needed Raditz’s aid if they were ever to overcome the bonds of their slavery.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind him quickly snapped him out of his thoughts. Whipping his head around to gaze over his shoulder his eyes to assess the situation. Long spikey black hair and a distinctive ape-like tale betrayed the Saiyan ancestry of the figure. But it was the dark eyes that reflected a glint of understanding and soft smile that betrayed who the Saiyan was.

No matter how long it had been since the destruction of Planet Vegeta, no matter how long it had been since he’d seen her, Raditz had never forgotten his mother’s face. Dark onyx pools that crinkled up at the corner as Gine beamed down at him with all the warmth of the sun. Most Saiyan’s were distant with their children, off world on mission or engrossed in their work, but she had always had time for him.

As he rose to his feet one thing was clear, the Saiyan standing before him was (Y/N). Despite your class and battle power matching Raditz’s, the decision had been made to send them off world with your lower-class twin brother. When he had arrived on Earth and begun his search, Raditz had expected their battle power to have been the greatest on this mudball of a planet. Yet, the first creature he had come across was the Namekian and the second Kakarot. Truthfully, he’d simply written (Y/N) off as dead. It made no sense that Kakarot had either matched or surpassed his twin.

But here you were standing before him unscathed, hands held up to show that you meant him no harm. “(Y/N) I expected you to be dead, yet here you are. You missed the family reunion” Raditz jested in his characteristically overconfident tone, “but never mind that. Tell me what happened, how am I here?” His demands were met with a simple answer, “I think it’s pretty obvious. You died and I figured since we had given Vegeta a second chance at a peaceful life here on Earth that you probably deserved the same. After all you are family.”

Before he could even process what had been said words were blurting out of his mouth, “Vegeta is here? On this planet and its somehow completely unscathed? What do you mean a second chance? As if you, Kakarot, or that pesky green man could have defeated him and Nappa.”

“Not only did Goku, who we revived with the Dragon Balls, beat Nappa but we beat Vegeta too. Not before Vegeta killed Nappa for his failure to beat Goku though. Sent Vegeta back to Frieza relying on the life support systems in his pod to keep him alive. After Vegeta defected from the Frieza force, tried to gather all the Namekian Dragon Balls, got himself killed teaming up with us against Frieza, we used one of the wishes to bring him back. He lives here on Earth now, we actually kind of live together” (Y/N) asserted, eyes searching his own to gauge his feelings.

For the first time in his life Raditz found himself speechless. Not only had Vegeta actually fought Frieza and lived, well kind of, he had actually settled down somewhere. Nappa was dead too. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. On one hand he had essentially raised Raditz since the loss of their home. On the other he had smeared Raditz’s low born status in his face from the day they had met, setting Raditz apart from the other two Saiyan’s. “You’re telling me that Vegeta, the single most blood thirsty and ambitious Saiyan I have ever met in my life, lives on Earth. That somehow he rebelled against Frieza, lived, and that pink alien son of a bitch let him go?” Raditz questioned suspiciously. Based on his siblings body language and tone of voice it was unlikely that he was being lied to. Still, the sentiment that no Saiyan was trustworthy, even to their own kind rung true in his mind. After all, he’d grown up with Vegeta under the watchful eye of Nappa and yet they had left him to rot.

“Yeah I probably should have led with the fact that Frieza is probably dead. Long story short, several of us travelled to Namek to try to use their Dragon Balls and came across Frieza who was there to do the same. We fought him, just about all died and then Goku burst out of the healing pod we had him in. Frieza was afraid of Goku so he decided to blow the planet up but not before he was sliced in two by his own attack. Nobody actually saw him die but even if he is alive he shouldn’t be too hard to beat now. Goku’s alive by the way, he’s still out in space finishing his training god knows where. As if achieving Super Saiyan wasn’t enough, he has to get one over on the rest of us by getting extra training. It’s not like I’m even allowed to leave the planet, someone has to keep Vegeta in line. I’m pretty sure he’d go ballistic if both of us were out there training without him” you reflected flippantly.

Super Saiyan…like the fable. There was no way. Now Raditz knew he was being made a fool of. But as if sensing his rising distrust (Y/N) stepped back and began to rapidly gather power. Muscles bulged and a yellow aura began to envelope his counterpart. Then it happen. (Y/N’s) long spikey black hair turned a glowing blonde colour. “See this is what a Super Saiyan looks like” Y/N mused cheerfully, “I could teach you at some point if you like. All you have to do is come live with Vegeta and I then we can train together.”

Mouth agape and thoughts racing, he nodded numbly at the proposal. Life had suddenly become far more exciting than it ever had been since Vegeta’s destruction. Who knows, maybe this Earthling life that his two siblings had gotten used to was worth it. One thing was certain, the only way to truly find out was to follow (Y/N’s) lead. Perhaps this was his chance at redemption.

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Seeing my blog which had been pretty dead the last two years come back to life has been so rewarding. Thank you to everyone who’s reading my fics - especially anyone liking, reblogging or commenting 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

I love feedback, even (helpful) criticism if you think there’s things that I could improve on so please feel free to reach out through comments, asks, or messages :)

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Hello my friend, I just came across your account so I wanted to say that I love your stories and everything! I also wanted to know if you are doing any story requests or anything? 😇👑✨

Aw thank you so much!!! It means the world when people reach out about my writing ☺️❤️

I am currently taking requests. I have some guidelines/loose rules here about what I’m comfortable writing. I’m looking forward to your request 🫶🏼

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Haunted Memories and Broken Dreams (slight Vegeta x Saiyan!reader)

Slight AU where Bulma never went to Namek with Krillin and Gohan. Gender Neutral piece so imagine yourself as you please :)

Notes: I wrote this in an hour, it’s late at night so please excuse any grammar or other issues. I just wanted to get it out of my system. It’s what I think someone like Raditz would have to contend with if he’d lived & watched Vegeta destroy Nappa.

It had been a little over a year since the battle against Kakarot. Following Prince Vegeta, you had travelled with him and Nappa to find the Dragon Balls Raditz’s killer had unwittingly informed you of. You’d met the Namekian, Piccolo, who had killed your comrade when a team of Earth fighters had appeared to try and stop you. The Saibamen had made quick work out of one of them and two more had fallen to Nappa. Well the small one Chiaotzu had blown himself up trying to take out Nappa but considering he’d survived the attack it counted as a point to Nappa in your book.

Despite being the weakest of Frieza’s Saiyans now that Raditz was dead, Vegeta had decided it was best to let Nappa blow off some steam. Sidelining you with him had been a mistake and once Kakarot had appeared he’d made short work of Nappa. You’d watched in horror as Nappa, the man who had faithfully served his prince since before Planet Vegeta’s destruction, was destroyed by Vegeta’s dirty fireworks attack. Yet you knew even if you sided with Kakarot now and somehow did defeat Vegeta it was no good. Death was inevitable where Frieza was concerned.

So like always you’d fought alongside Vegeta, barely making out alive in the end. For all your loyalty, the scumbag prince had crawled into his pod and abandoned you to die on this mudball planet. The only reason you weren’t dead was thanks to Kakarot who saw a worthy sparring partner in you. It had taken a month in that godforsaken human hospital before the sensu beans were ready. While Kakarot had been keen to give you a bean, nobody else was. With most of the Z fighters dead and the rest on their way to Namek there was no one to defeat you if you did decide to wreck havoc on the Earth while Goku was gone.

Instead Bulma had compromised, promising Goku that she would have you taken to Capsule Corp where you’d finish the rest of your treatment up. True to her word, you’d been transferred there a few days later. While you were rather grouchy about the backward underdeveloped nature of the technology on this planet, being doted on at Capsule Corp was rather nice. Bulma had taken a shine to you once she’d realised you were mostly bark in your current state and as far as earthlings went you had to admit she wasn’t so bad. Mrs Brief’s had enjoyed having you stay, constantly bringing you baked sweets and fresh beverages. Mr Brief’s even stopped in time to time to chat with you and inquire about Saiyan/Frieza tech. For a low class Saiyan who had spent years under both Frieza and Vegeta’s thumbs it sure was a good life.

But then Vegeta had reappeared, reincarnated and cockier than ever. Walking in with a smug indifference over your survival, he’d relayed to you the situation on Namek and the likelihood that you were the last two (full blooded) Saiyans left. His demeanour screamed that he expected you to once again fall in line behind him and without Kakarot there didn’t seem to be any likelihood of disobeying Vegeta and surviving. With a heavy heart you accepted that no matter what you seemed destined for a life of servitude.

Seeing how Vegeta’s visit had shaken her injured Saiyan guest Bulma had done everything in her power the two of you seperate. The creation of the gravity spaceship(s) for Vegeta and his sudden departure into space had at least kept him off your back. While you were glad to be rid of his mockery and constant demands, a deep bitterness began to fester in his absence.

Vegeta and Nappa had always looked down upon you and Raditz but you had bitten your tongue and followed orders. Even as elite Saiyans, the two of you had not been granted the privilege of being born into high class families. Instead, you and Raditz were lowborn’s who’d gotten lucky. Enslavement under Frieza had heightened these divides and in moments of frustration and anger you both became verbal, and sometimes physical punching bags, for Vegeta. Nappa followed Vegeta’s lead for the most part, though occasionally cut the two of you some slack.

But now all of that suffering felt like it had been for nothing. Frieza was dead, killed by Kakarot or with him in Namek’s explosion and you had not even been present to bear witness. An unfamiliar feeling gnawed at you over Kakarot’s demise. Guilt. The younger Saiyan was the reason you were even alive and yet it seemed your debt would go eternally unpaid. Vegeta had abandoned you to die in an act of self preservation. If you’d even thought of doing the same, running back to Frieza with your tail tucked you would have been killed. But Vegeta was the Prince of all (five) Saiyans, he had lived a life of special privileges that no other Frieza force member was granted.

Raditz, the only other true ally you’d ever had was gone, executed the year prior. All Vegeta had done was mock his death, not a single remorseful word shed over a lifelong ally’s death. Even Nappa was gone, betrayed and destroyed by the very boy he had all but raised after your planets destruction. It all left a bitter taste in your mouth. Behind it all a single being featured.

Resentment and anger bubbled, boiling over to your dreams. Even when Vegeta was absent you were never truly free of him. His acts of vicious contempt raged, pointing out every weakness and flaw. Beaten bloody and on the edge of death you’d awake in a cold sweat, desperately clutching at the sheets as you tried to get your bearings. Earth was full of new experiences and crying was no different. On the days you didn’t wake in a violent start you found tears pooled in your eyes and a wetness on your pillow.You would never know what it meant to be whole, unburdened. You would never know what it meant to be loved by your kin. Most of all, you would never get an apology, even if Vegeta did return. No his overinflated ego was much to big for that and you doubted he’d ever felt anything other than hatred and amusement at others suffering. It seemed you were doomed to a life of haunted memories and broken dreams, Vegeta’s cruelty had tainted your very being.