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[veeisdunn]

Peaky Blinders – 3×01

[veeisdunn]

My patches I made tonight

Ps. My neck hurts lol

[veeisdunn]

hi, hope youre doing well.

you said you would love to start writing again, and i just have this comforting thought with tommy as reader's brother

(tw: sh, scars, suicide ideation)

just, accomplishing a milestone of being clean, you look back at your scars, and stracing them with your fingertips. hmm, and maybe tommy keeps up with his promise of getting some air with him, at least once a week, and you catch up. i can see him noticing you strace onto them, and he does the same, and his genuine and loving brotherly side comes through. he tells you he loves you and is proud of you, just thankful for you <33

you can see this as a request or a prompt to write about, but you could also just see this as sharing tommy shelby brotherly love to his sibling <3 much love

Milestones

Tommy Shelby x sister!reader

I'm back!! Genuinely didn't think anyone would give a shit about my extended hiatus but I've been proven wrong. I'm going to be working through my requests so if you've requested, just know it's coming!! Thank you so much for the support and all the kind words, hopefully I haven't lost whatever kind of writing spark I may or may not have had...

To the lovely human who requested this, I really hope you especially enjoy it!!

warning: talks of self harm, description of self harm scars, mentions of suicidal ideation

WC: 2.2K

MASTERLIST

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"No, look, as much as I'd love to come and watch you get the shit beaten out of you, I already have plans, Arthur." Tommy argues, hunched over the dining room table with a mess of papers.

"You and your fucking plans, Tommy." Arthur calls out, with an undertone of amusement, as he trudges out of the room.

You pass Arthur, your oldest brother, in the corridor, waltzing down with a skip in your step.

"What's got you so excited, love?" he chuckles

You smile and shake your head "Nothing much, don't get yourself killed tonight Arthur, okay?"

"Full of smart ideas, you are, eh?" He rests his weathered hand on your shoulder for a second and gives it a reassuring squeeze, "It's nice to see you happy again, Y/N." He smiles sincerely. You beam back.

"I'm just going to see Tommy" you explain

"Ah, well don't get disappointed, love, he has plans."

"They're with me." you admit, giddily

Arthur pretends to be deeply offended by this, "Tommy! I went in the fucking trenches with you, and now you're missing my fight to spend time with Y/N?!" he shouts back into the dining room

"Oh I'm sure Y/N could have been in France if she were old enough, she wouldn't have complained nearly as much as you." Tommy yells back.

You giggle and kiss Arthur on the cheek to wish him good luck before bidding him farewell.

When you walk in the dining room, you get the impression that Tommy is knee deep in some kind of bureaucratic nonsense, his papers scattered across the mahogany wood. Part of you expects him to tell you to leave - but he defies your pessimistic expectations.

"Right, let's go." He announces, slapping his knees and turning away from his work. You raise your eyebrows, as if to say "we don't have to go" but he ignores this and leads you from the room. He strides down the cavernous corridors of Arrow House while you nearly have to run just to keep up.

"Tommy…" you whine, trying to get him to slow down. He just laughs and walks faster.

You sigh, "Tommy!" you shout, frustrated. Instead of responding, he starts to run.

"Thomas Shelby!" you shout again, giggling as you kick off your wedge heels and run barefoot after him.

Eventually, you catch up with him at the front door. "Glad you could join me, Y/N!" Your brother teases as he puts on his coat. You roll your eyes and slide your shoes back on, slipping into your own coat.

The pair of you stroll down the sinuous path leading away from the house and into rolling fields. Tommy lights a cigarette and takes a long puff, unintentionally hitting you in the face with a cloud of smoke. He sees this and wordlessly slows down to walk on the other side of you. You admire how your brother can be so careless and thoughtful at the same time. You grin and look down at the path in front of you sheepishly.

This never gets old - you're weekly walks with Tommy. A couple of hours where you could both forget about the world around you and simply enjoy eachothers' company. You'd been reflecting on the past six months a lot recently, and today was finally the day you could proclaim you were six months clean from self-harm.

The routine started by mistake - around when you were found out. You were terrified, and rightly so. How could your family possibly understand this? They'd all done their fair share of bad things, but this? What you couldn't see was the complex cocktail of emotions your family was experiencing. Tommy, in particular, was infuriated with himself. The pair of you had always had a special connection, but then he found out you were suffering silently, hurting yourself, and you refused to confide in anyone. That's where the walks came in. Your brother was sick of watching you wallow inside the four walls of your bedroom, he practically had to drag you out. Knowing you were completely alone with Tommy helped you to open up - as he'd suspected, the house was suffocating you.

"I do this a lot. When I need to clear my head, I come out here and I watch the birds. Sometimes, if I'm really angry, I shoot them. But, you're not the violent type, eh? That's why this is so concerning to me"

"You know, Tommy, I never wanted to hurt anyone." you begin to sob, "I… I just have so many horrible thoughts, but I don't want to tell people, because they aren't nice to hear."

"Can I tell you something, Y/N? I am hurt."

Hearing this, you widen your eyes and your heart sinks. This was your worst fear, the reason you'd been taking things out on yourself in the first place.

"I'm hurt, Y/N. I'm hurt because I haven't been around enough for you. And I'm hurt because you're hurting. I don't want either of us to be in pain anymore, don't you?"

You never really had the words to express to Tommy how much that conversation meant to you. After hearing him, you made a vow to yourself that this would all stop. The only emotion you had which was stronger than your misery was your love for your family. You couldn't bear to stand them suffering.

You never really had to tell Tommy how much the conversation had helped you. You made it apparent through your actions - after a week had dragged by, you found yourself knocking tentatively on Tommy's office door again, feeling like a scared child.

"Tommy, can we please go on another walk? I want to talk."

He felt both relieved but also rather smug after that day - Tommy had cracked the code. He also grew to find this time beneficial for himself as well. When he was out alone with you, he wasn't 'Thomas Shelby, the criminal-soldier turned politician'. He was just Tommy.

" - Y/N? Are you even listening?" Tommy's gruff voice cut through your daydream

"yeah, mhm, of course" you reply, slightly flustered

"right so what's your answer, yes or no?"

Fuck. Yes is good… usually? Right? But this is Tommy, he could be asking anything. Maybe a no would be better - chances are Tommy is scheming something dangerous, and you should probably be the voice of reason.

"No, Tommy." You say with false confidence

"No? You don't want me to take a week off to spend time with you once your classes are over?" He chuckles

"Shit, no, yes! Yes I do! That sounds lovely, Tommy, really." you splutter desperately while he continues to smile.

"You weren't listening, love, weren't you?"

"No…" you whine, "Sorry…"

He lets out a soft laugh. "Well, if I have a ramble about some stuff, do you think you could listen to me?"

—

" …and then he told me that the cabinet don't see any of this as a priority anyway" Tommy sighed, finishing his rant which explained the mountains of paperwork he was buried in.

You don't have any advice to give, politics isn't one of your expertise, afterall. You rest your head on his shoulder and hum, as if to say "I hear you, [insert meaningful political statement here]" - or something like that.

He hums back, as if you're two birds in a song. You are both huddled under a willow tree, watching the sun set over the sown fields of the estate. Tommy treasures these moments in particular - you both sat in comfortable silence, breathing in the soft country air. He took comfort in the peaceful nature of your breathing, and how your silky hair tickled his neck with each exhale.

Your fingers absentmindedly found their way to your wrist, the memories of pain you held being particularly potent on this anniversary. You gently traced over the bumpy skin, you'd gotten used to this feeling - most people would probably hate having such shredded, scarred skin but you much preferred it to bleeding. Feeling the scars reminded you of how far you'd come, seeing that many of them were no longer red and angry reminded you that you were healing.

As Tommy put out his cigarette, he caught sight of your fingers caressing your wrist. Thinking about it made his heart sink - it had been awhile since you'd both spoken about it, and it had been even longer since he'd actually seen your wrists.

You'd had an awful day at school; you teacher had chastised you in front of the entire class for an essay you'd turned in late. You'd been clean about a month and you were struggling to keep it that way. You weren't expecting any of your close family to be around Small Heath, so you stormed through the front door and up the stairs, throwing your leather satchel of books across the room. You then went under your bed to search for your emergency box - containing a blade and some bandages. You weren't actually sure if you were going to use it, but you wanted the option.

That's how Tommy found you. He'd heard the noise, you'd have to be deaf not to. He let himself in your room and was greeted with the sight of you on the floor in tears, a blade in your hand.

He scrambled down to the floor and snatched the blade from your hand, putting it in his pocket. "Hey, Y/N, Y/N, look at me, okay?" He said frantically. You looked up at him with your glazed eyes and said nothing, paralyzed in fear. He wasted no time in rolling your sleeves up to check your wrists. He sighed a breath of relief to see only pinkish lines and scabs - no fresh cuts.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again, alright?" He wheezed to get his breath back, before engulfing you in a tight hug.

That was five months ago, and those dark, angry scars had lightened to create a cluster of white lines on your wrist. He moves his hand closer to yours, "may I?" he asks, gesturing to your wrist. You nod, not really sure what else to say. His touch on your scars sends shivers through your body. He raises his eyebrows at your reaction.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, it just feels weird."

He sighs and rhythmically runs his fingers across the bumps on your skin.

"They look better" he speaks in a low, tender voice

"it's been six months"

"six months today?"

You nod. Tommy cracks a wide smile, expelling the tension in the air. He takes his hand from your wrist and slings his arm firmly around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

"You never cease to amaze me, Y/N, you know that, right?"

You blush and look down at your lap. He puts his free hand under your chin and gently guides your eyes to meet his.

"I know you get embarrassed hearing it, but I'm so proud of you Y/N, I'm so proud." Tommy speaks with a kind and earnest tone.

You scrunch your eyebrows, not wanting to take his love, "But most people never hurt themselves in the first place, Tom."

"Don't lessen your achievements, you aren't most people, Y/N. I don't care what they've all done or not done, I can bet you've fought harder than all of em" He says lovingly, squeezing your shoulder.

You can't argue with that, you have fought like hell to get to where you are.

"And, Y/N, I don't think I say it enough, but I love you. I love everything about you, even the parts of yourself that you don't like. I love all of you." Tommy's voice is quiet, almost as if he's whispering to you. You lift your hand up to your face and wipe away some stray tears.

"No, no, c'mere Y/N" he protests, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbing your cheeks tenderly. This just makes you cry even more, your head collides with his chest as you try to calm your tears. Tommy wraps his arms around you and rocks you gently, resting his chin on your head.

"It's just - I just love you so much Tommy, but I don't think I show you enough and then… and then I feel so bad because I feel like I look ungrateful for everything you do for me but I'm so grateful Tom, and I just don't know how to show people that I care." You cry, you're angry at yourself, tears still flowing down your cheeks.

"Y/N? just take a breath, okay? Take a deep breath" Tommy reminds you, resting his hands on your shoulders, pressing his forehead against yours, "Just breathe, alright?"

You follow his words and take a shaky breath.

"You know, you're the last person who should be worrying about that kind of thing. You don't have to announce your love for people every day, you're actions speak louder than your words, love. You're a good person, you do everything with good intentions, and it's clear as day how much you care about everyone around you. I don't know many people who care as much as you do, Y/N." Tommy smiles, looking you in the eyes.

You smile, a few tears still falling. You sniffle.

"I love you, Tom."

"I love you… more." he smirks

"We are not having this argument again."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

please drop me a comment or message with any feedback or suggestions! I'd love to hear from you ♡

Vee x

MASTERLIST

[veeisdunn]

you seem to be not active anymore, but i just really wanted to thank you for writing, all the work you have up on here has been comforting <3

Thank you!! I am still lurking but I've been in a massive slump recently, I just finished my end of high school exams and I have no motivation for anything! I would love to start writing again, so if you have any requests please let me know!! 💕

[veeisdunn]

i'm not the one who requested bargain, but i really needed it. it was beautiful & i really needed to read something like that with how i've been feeling lately. thank you <3

I'm so sorry this took me ages to reply! I was debating tumblr etiquette and couldn't decide if I should reply to something so personal since the reply is public. I'm really sorry :((

Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot to me! I'm really sorry to hear you've been struggling recently and if there is anything I can do to help comfort you then please tell me. My DMs are open if you need to vent to an online stranger (my requests are also open if you think of another scenario which might help comfort you).

I wish I could offer you advice but I am on a similar boat. I always like to remind myself that I am not alone in my feelings, it usually makes me feel better. I also like to dream that someone is physically there with me. I know it sounds really sad and silly but it helps me a lot.

this is us all right now ^^^^

[veeisdunn]

can you write something to do with exam stress, loneliness and suicidal thoughts (if you're comfortable with it) finals season is coming and it would comfort me a lot. could it be a tommy x sister reader? Maybe the reader is stressed about her exams and is being bullied in school. I really enjoyed your first two fics (the sh ones) and I would really appreciate this. Lots of love xxx

Bargain

Tommy Shelby x sister!reader

I'm sorry that this took so long! It is kind of ironic as I'm also going through this right now with my A-Level exams. I understand how dark things tend to be getting in these times and you sound like you've got a lot on your plate. I really hope you enjoy this, I made it especially for you! ♡

warning: suicidal thoughts and actions

WC: 3.6K

MASTERLIST

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

One day, though you couldn't remember when, the jokes stopped being funny. Your classmates were relentless - to them you were gypsy scum, the spawn of a criminal family. You used to laugh along but the taunting wore you down. 

It didn't help that you began to shut your family out as well. Ever since you passed the entrance exam at that God forsaken grammar school, you withdrew. Too much reading and research to tally up the betting books and mediate domestic disputes.

As you moved onto your final years of education, you saw a way out of your family's situation - if you got into university then you wouldn't need to join the family company or marry a rich man to escape. You could have your own career which didn't break the law.

Of course, in the 1920s, this was no easy feat for a woman - or anyone. Luckily for you, you were attending one of the best grammar schools in the country, but, though you weren't in poverty, you were at a disadvantage with your peers. Most of your classmates had options: they had a dad with a PhD, a legal family business or an arranged marriage with a wealthy man lined up in case they failed their studies.

The pressure seemed never ending. You needed this, there simply was no other option. You had to grapple with this reality as well as deal with the tormenting of your classmates and the fear that one of your family members would end up with a bullet in their heads. 

You didn't speak to anyone in your family about your crippling concerns. You didn't think they'd see the value in a university education - especially for a woman. 

School work distracted you to such a point where you didn't even notice Tommy's concerned presence shadowing you most days. He just kept popping up everywhere you went. 

School gate? Tommy.

Library? Tommy.

The kitchen at 3am? Tommy.

Did that man even fucking sleep? 

Eventually, you "confronted" him. You had a tradition of being in Charlie's Yard on a Friday night. You would sit and look into the water - laughing, crying, sometimes screaming in frustration. This was a solitary activity, but one particular Friday, Tommy was already waiting there for you.

"(Y/N)!, you're late!" He shouted across the yard, taking a puff of his cigarette with a cheeky grin.

Fuck’s sake.

You hurry your pace, slushing your boots in the mud making your way to the wooden dock. “What are you doing?” you call out, frustrated.

“Is a man not able to sit, eh?” Tommy shuffled over and gestured for you to sit. You just huffed in response and remained standing.

“Look, Y/N/N, I can leave if you want, but I just wanted to see you? You’re always buried in a book these days.” His tone turned more sympathetic. You relented and sunk down next to him.

“I can’t be long. I have an essay, Tommy.” You spoke timidly, you were mentally prepared to break down alone but now you had to hold yourself together.

“You have the weekend.” He turned to look at you but you turned away.

“No. I have more work for the weekend.” You choked and turned your body so you were facing away from his stare, “I have a lot of work to do. I’m bloody drowning in it Tommy.”

He took a deep, prolonged breath and discarded his cigarette. “I think, Y/N, I think you need to spend a lot less time on work. Aren’t your friends all out on a Friday night? Why don’t you join them?”

You scoffed. “Friends? No one wants to be friends with a gypsy, or a Shelby.”

This struck a nerve with Tommy, he was also both of those things, yet he was respected and you were isolated. “Yeah? Say’s fucking who?” 

“People at school.” “And why are you listening to them?” “Because - it’s just hard. You wouldn’t get it. I’m so fucking worn down.”

The man took another sigh, realising he was fighting an uphill battle. “Your classmates aren’t in Small Heath, you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone here, you know that?”

You shook your head rapidly “No. No Tom, I don’t care about my social life. If I don’t do well in my exams, I’ll never get into University. I need to go, I want it so bloody bad.” You were so engrossed in your emotions that you didn’t even feel the salty tears run down your cheeks.

Tommy was taken aback by your reaction. He couldn’t fathom why you were putting so much pressure on yourself. Of course, he would rather you made your goal something a bit easier than perfect grades, but then whatever you dream was became his by proxy. He had spoken to your teachers, they were certain you’d get the grades you needed. They had even mentioned your tendency to overdo things, but things weren’t nearly as bad at home at that time so he disregarded it. What a stupid mistake that was.

He was about to reach out to touch your hand, but you could feel the floodgates bursting, so you tried to leave. 

“Y/N!” He shouted, following close behind you.

Go away. Go away. Go away.

“Look, I didn’t fucking ask you to come here.” You snapped as he grabbed your arm.

“You didn’t need to. Your my fucking sister, you don’t need to ask. I didn’t want to be so blunt but you need to calm the fuck down with the books, ay?" 

"No. You don't understand." You shook your head adamantly , "if I don't do well in my exams, then what's the fucking point in anything anymore?" 

—

"So, how'd your chat with Y/N go?” Polly asked her nephew as the evening dawned.

He settled into the sofa and took a deep inhale, rubbing his cold, sweaty palms together. “She didn’t take it very well. She probably just came back here to study more upstairs.

Polly leaned forward in her seat: “she never came home.”

Shit.

“Did you upset her, Thomas?”

“I couldn’t tell you. She’s hard to get these days.”

—

Tommy thought little of her absence. The library closed at 6PM - she’d be home by 7.

7:30. Still no Y/N. 

He went to check your room to see if you’d slipped in and snuck to bed. Your room looked like it had been ransacked. Books, pencils, papers, and clothes covered every surface. Your bed was unmade and the curtains were drawn. It reminded the man of a house that had been robbed. The air was stagnant and cold.

On your bed, a book stood out to Tommy. It wasn’t a textbook or workbook, it was a small leather-bound diary with fraying ribbons pulling it shut. Without much thought, he settled down onto the bed and yanked the curtain open, amber sunset pouring in. The book felt heavy and the spine was stressed. He noticed that lots of other papers had been shoved between the pages.The edges of some were visible, your handwriting adorning them. He pulled the end of the matted ribbon firmly undoing the knot and allowing him access to what he came to realise was your diary. He flicked to the latest entry and saw it was dated for just the day before. He skimmed your scrawls: I will never be good enough, I just can't do it. I can't do anything anymore.

After freezing for a second he slammed it shut and threw it against the wall. He was fuming with the situation, and with himself. He knew you were struggling but he thought it was your need to prove yourself to your bullying peers - he could have never dreamed that you hated yourself this much.

Without much more thought, Tommy grabbed his coat and practically launched himself out of the door. He wasn't going to come home until he had you with him.

—

After your altercation with Tommy, you found yourself back by the cut. Your emotions were always heightened there, you tried not to go to the part where your mother jumped in, that was usually reserved for the anniversary of her death, but for some reason your feet carried you down there. You never knew her and by the sounds of things, you were very different people. You didn't even know why she did what she did, you were too young back then to understand. One thing you did know was how she must have felt. The feeling of utter despair. The loneliness. 

You'd had a serious case of suicidal ideation since the start of your new school. In the back of your mind you always knew what to do if everything became too much. You had written letters to everyone and stuffed them under your pillow. You were ready. Perhaps tonight was the night?

This revelation almost gave you a twisted sense of euphoria. I don't need to go home again. I never have to write another essay. I never need to be called another name. No one will need to look after me. I can just end it all. 

These thoughts carried you to the edge of the water. You thought about how your mother would have felt drowning and freezing. Calm, hopefully. Release. 

You collected some large stones from the dusty mud around you and stuffed them in your coat pockets. You figured that being pulled down would make you go quicker. You knew that your brothers would be sad but you also knew that they'd move on. They'd done it once before, they could do it again. After all, they all had lives and you had nothing but stress and pain and anguish. 

Looking down into the gloomy water you could feel cool droplets splashing onto your face and mixing with your tears. The abyss was inviting, your doubtful thoughts that had stopped you in the past were whispering to you but you told yourself that you wanted this. You wanted this, right?

You took your shoes off and laid them neatly at the edge of the water. 

A leap. A splash. A scream.

Cold.

Then you felt someone grab you.

—

Tommy had barely made it in time. He saw you, shoeless, on the edge of the cut. He could only shout and run after you as you descended into the water. Without hesitation, he jumped in after you and grabbed you. He tried to pull your body up to the surface with him but you were fighting him. Your coat was sinking first, weighing the both of you down, so he wrestled it off you. All either of you could hear was splashes and all you could feel was the paralysing blanket of cold.

Holding onto your wrists, he went up for air to gather strength, before diving back under to pull you up. You were barely underwater for a few minutes but the frigid water had knocked you out. Tommy paddled to the steps a few metres away from where you'd jumped and pulled his drenched body onto them. He wheezed and gasped for air then dragged you up the steps by your armpits. The water level was particularly low so the steps seemed to go on forever. He'd boarded boats from these steps but never did he think he'd be ascending them with your limp body.

Your breathing was shaky and erratic. Tommy was just glad you were breathing at all. He laid you down in the dirt and rolled you onto your side just in time for you to involuntary convulse and cough up water while he hyperventilated. He firmly patted your back as your lungs cleared. Despite the heaving, you were still unconscious. Your lips were going a dusky shade of blue and the skin around your eyes was darkening, either from the cold or the lack of oxygen, he wasn't sure. 

Tommy desperately tried to get control of his breathing so he could compose himself but his body was viscerally reacting to the shock of the cold water overwhelming his senses. He was in such physical anguish that his emotions had completely dulled. He'd honed the ability to turn his thoughts off while in the trenches and it often came in handy. 

His main priority was getting you warm and dry. He tried to drag you up but didn't have the strength in his cold and wet state. Instead he had to resort to shouting for help, knowing that there were Blinders at the entrance to the docks. A few of Tommy's associates came around the corner, their coats flying in the wind behind them and the group of them managed to carry you back to Watery Lane while your body continued to involuntary spasm due to the cold. 

Nobody else was in the house so Tommy flung your body on the floor in front of the fireplace and set a copious pile of logs on fire. He hunched over you and basked in the heat, ripping off his coat, hat, and suit and discarding them into a pile. After sitting for a moment shivering in a vest and underwear, he ran to the kitchen and grabbed a towel.

In the living room, you'd rolled over so you could be closer to the heat, you weren't entirely sure what was going on but you liked the feeling of the warmth against you.

He ripped your drenched shirt off you and tried to ring your hair out with the towel. You were mumbling something incoherent but he ignored it. Your body laid next to the fire as he dried himself off. 

You awoke when he accidentally knocked a book off the coffee table. Your body felt numb and you were extremely confused. He rushed over as you tried to roll away from the fire.

"Tommy?" you croaked, even more confused than you already were. What was he doing here? The look on his face then reminded you. He was drenched. You'd actually done it. You'd actually done it and he stopped you.

You ignored his demanding stare and sat up, coughing. You wheezed, holding your hands around your neck to reassure yourself that you weren't drowning. 

You didn't drown, but you were soaked to the bone. 

"What were you thinking, eh?" Tommy studied your startled expression, you couldn’t tell if he was mad, disappointed, or feeling sorry for you, "What the hell is going on with you?" 

You remained silent and refused to look up at him. 

"Y/N, what did you just do? And don't tell me that you fell. Your coat was full of stones." 

He was going to make you say it. Dick.

You could only think of two words: “I’m sorry.”

Tommy scoffed and sat down in front of you. “You’re sorry? You are sorry?”

Did he want to know why? “I’m sorry that you jumped in and got wet. You look cold.”

He was physically taken aback by your words. “The only thing you should be sorry for is not talking to me.” He picked up the towel and began to dry you, understanding that trying to reason with you in this state was no better than arguing with a brick wall. After your hair was no longer dripping, he brought you dry clothes and made you discard your wet ones in the bathroom while he pressed his ear up against the wall to listen to your every move.

Tommy was angry with himself. He’d sat back and watched the pressure on you accumulate, only realising when it was too late. You’d nearly died. Y/N. His baby sister. The girl he held as a baby. The girl he read bedtime stories to. The girl he taught to ride horses. The girl he loved unconditionally. It was fate that had just saved your life - he very easily could have looked for you somewhere else and that would have cost your life. The thought made his heart hurt. You’d nearly died. You’d nearly died. Before he’d even realised, he was crying against the doorframe as you left the bathroom. 

You tried to apologise again but he ignored you and wrapped you in the tightest hug you’d ever felt. He was scared to loosen his grip as he feared you would slip away. He cried gut-wrenching sobs into your shoulder. You gave in and began to cry as well. You couldn’t even figure out why. You were plagued with a viscous mixture of anguish and guilt - you were also still really fucking cold, the pair of your shivered in eachother’s arms. 

Tommy pulled away and stared directly into your eyes. Instinctively your gaze turned to break the exchange. You couldn’t stand his distraught stare, it made you want to vomit.

“Y/N” He took a deep breath, “I’m here now and I’m not leaving you ever again, so you better tell me what the fuck is going on inside that head, eh?” You gulped. Only one coherent thought was running through your head. “Cold.”

With those words, the pair of you were huddled next to the fire.

“I’m gonna fail, Tommy.” The admission slipped out.

He held back his rant he’d repeated to you countless times and let you continue. All he wanted to do was scream and shout, to tell you and the rest of the bloody street how talented and capable you are.

“I want to make something for myself just like you have but I can’t do it. I just feel like I can’t do anything right. If I’m a good person then why do people hate me?” You took shaky breaths to process the thoughts you’d aired. Tommy pulled you in so you were resting on his side while the fire crackled in front of you. He waited to say anything until he could be sure that you were finished.

“Look, Y/N. Some people in this world are just full of hate, they wouldn’t know kindness if it hit them between the eyes. You just want to make everyone happy but you can’t because some people are gonna fucking resist until they die. I’m so proud of you, Y/N, you have grown up to be a talented and smart woman. You will make a life for yourself as long as you remember that. If you want to do that through school then, by all means, go for it, but there are other ways. What you need is some time to rest, and you need to get away from that fucking school. You’re in your final year, just finish things off at home, I’ll get you a tutor or anything you need as long as you never go back.”

He leaned back against the sofa to physically recover from his speech. He couldn’t see your face but he watched as you curled your body into a tight ball and leaned in even closer to you.

“It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore. Everything is so dull. I’m not happy.” No shit. And then you began to cry for what felt like the millionth time.

He just held you and stared into the flames. “Shh shh, no, it’s alright. you’re fine, shh. No more anything for the rest of the weekend, Dr Shelby’s orders, alright?” You chuckled lightly while he remained serious,  “Over my many, many years, I’ve realised that if you work on something forever it never gets done well, but if you take enough breaks and are kind to yourself, it will get done. I can bet everything that you will become a strong and independent woman one day.”

After a few more back and forths, you spilling your negative thoughts and him retorting with a classic Tommy speech, the two of you fell asleep by the fire, the heat thawing the pain you’d both felt. Tommy came to the conclusion that you were simply too good for this world, but he knew you better than anyone and was certain it would all work out for you in the end.

The next morning, the pair of you made a deal that you would tell him about all the bad thoughts you were having and he promised he’d always be there to listen. After a few meetings with a doctor and your school, Tommy set you up a study area in his office. The two of you would work during the morning, eat lunch together, then you’d shadow him in the afternoon to - as he put it - “learn from the master”. 

You took time to reflect on the things that really mattered to you - not the things that really mattered to the girl who was hated by her peers and would have died for flawless grades - the things that mattered to you, Y/N Shelby. You cared deeply about those around you. Seeing how broken Tommy was after your attempt made you want to cooperate with him and your doctor to become well enough to live the life you so desperately craved. It was almost ironic that you’d nearly taken that opportunity from yourself.

You still had days when the light at the end of the tunnel faded and you’d again lose sight of your future, but keeping up with his side of the deal, Tommy was always there to coax you out of it. 

When you were younger, your brother taught you lots of things, and now he felt like he was giving you a final, important lesson. To learn to use your life, because he could so clearly see the potential you have.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

please drop me a comment or message with any feedback or suggestions! I'd love to hear from you ♡

Vee x

MASTERLIST

[veeisdunn]

A Sisterly Bond

Summary: Ada and Teddy don’t have much in common, but that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t make a good team

A/N: I just felt like writing again, and for Ada and Teddy in particular. I always imagine as getting on better and better as Teddy gets older. She’s still young in this one, so it’s a rocky relationship still 😂 anyways, hope you enjoy to whoever still is reading my stuff!

Words: 2630

*****

“Teddy, would you be so kind as to give me my coat?”

“No.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Ada sighed, “why do you always have to be difficult?”

“Am not,” Teddy grumbled.” I just don’t see why I have to be your lady’s maid, just because you’re my sister.”

“Ooh, there’s a big word!” the older sister replied sarcastically.

“Tommy says all fancy rich ladies have a lady’s maid.”

“ ‘Tommy says’…” Ada rolled her eyes and Teddy stuck out her tongue at her.

In many ways, Ada and Teddy were nothing alike. There was the age gap, of course, but they also just seemed to have very little in common. Ada didn’t care much for family business, while Teddy wanted to know everything about everything. Ada tried her best to live her own life without her brothers interfering at every turn, whereas Teddy wanted to be like her brothers in every way. Ada made an effort to never care too much, unlike Teddy, who cared almost too much and didn’t have a problem showing it. Also, Ada wanted to go out in her fancy coat and high heels, and Teddy wanted to run free in her brother’s trousers and shirt.

Polly watched the two sisters and followed Teddy with her eyes as she stormed out the door in a huff. She then turned to Ada and said, “Would it kill you to just say a kind word to her every now and then?”

Ada had her nose back in the papers and shrugged, “I don’t know, Pol. Would it kill her to practise some good manners?”

“You know what she’s like.”

“Oh, I do,” she sighed, “I remember when she was born and you told me how nice it would be for me to have another girl in the family. Instead we got… Teddy.”

———

Nine-year-old Teddy Shelby was walking through the muddy streets and pretended she was a pirate. With a stick in hand, she fought off the assailants only she could see and shouted out battle cries. But in the chaos of Small Heath, no one really noticed her. And if they did, they simply thought: there goes Teddy Shelby…

Her playing was suddenly interrupted though by her youngest brother. “Aunt Polly says she wants you to go with Ada!” Finn shouted out, as he ran towards her.

“Why?” she sighed, exasperated.

“I don’t know. She needs help carrying things from the market?”

Teddy kicked a rock, “Can’t you do it?”

Finn shrugged again, “It’s a woman’s job, isn’t it.”

“Oh fuck off!” As Finn pouted a little, she added, “Please can you go? Ada doesn’t even like me…”

If there was one thing Finn couldn’t stand, it was seeing his little sister upset, so he agreed. “You know, Arthur is always with John. Ada likes me, but you’re Tommy’s favourite.”

“I know.”

“So it’s not that bad, right?” Finn tried hopefully.

“I suppose not.” But Teddy couldn’t help but feel a little sadness over it.

———

“Aunt Pol says I’m to get you ready for church.”

“I am ready,” Teddy motioned to her dress, which she hated so intensely.

Ada sighed, “What have you done to your knees now? They look like you’ve become the chimney sweep’s latest apprentice.”

“Why do you always have to badger me?” Teddy called out, full of frustration.

“Just… clean your knees before Polly sees,” she waved a hand and put on a hat.

Teddy started scrubbing furiously as her legs. Ada watched her and decided that maybe she should make an effort. So she asked, “What do you think of this hat? Does is suit me?”

“I don’t know,” the little girl shrugged, “it stays on so I’m guessing it fits your head?”

“Bloody hell, I don’t know why I even bother. Let’s go.”

———

In the late afternoon sun, Tommy was talking to a man about a horse. Next to him, a small girl was following the conversation intensely, trying to learn as much from the interaction as she could.

“I’ll give you four for her, but no more.”

“Can’t do less than six, mister Shelby,” the man slapped her brother’s hand, “She’s a good horse, that one. Strong.”

“She’s no war horse and I could have fucking five of her for that price. Four and a half.”

“I have a family to feed, sir. Five?”

Tommy shook his hand and that was that.

After he’d left, Teddy looked up and, like she’d been in the business for twenty years, said, “She’s worth at least ten, Tommy.”

“Is she?” he took a drag on his cigarette, but inside felt like he could burst with pride. Then he lifted Teddy up and planted her up onto the horse, “Go on, tell me what she’s like.”

As Teddy rode around the yard, Ada joined her brother. With her usual air of indifference, she commented, “Well, if it isn’t the big brother and his pride and joy.”

“Hello, Ada…”

“Did she persuade you into spending more money once again?”

“Look at her,” Tommy pointed, “She might be the best rider in all of Small Heath.”

Ada raised her eyebrows and mumbled, “High praise…” In truth, Ada was impressed. She’d always been the odd one out in the family when it came to horses. She never much cared for them and riding them had always been more of a chore than a pleasure.

“Why don’t you tell her how good she looks up on that horse, eh?”

“Me? Why the hell would I tell her?”

Tommy locked eyes with Ada, “Because it’s you she wants to hear it from.”

She laughed a little at that, “No, Tommy, it’s you she wants to hear it from. Everything she wants to hear from you.”

As Ada walked off again, Tommy called after her, “She is your only sister, Ada.”

“And what a joy she is,” but it didn’t come out that sarcastic this time.

After a few more minutes or riding, Teddy hopped down from the horse again. Her brother asked her some questions about the horse and she answered to the best of her abilities. But in between, Teddy carefully asked, “Was that Ada?”

“Yes, just on her way home from the Bullring.”

“Did she watch me ride?” Teddy asked in a small voice.

Tommy observed her for a second, “Now, why do you ask that?”

She shrugged her shoulders and turned away to brush off the horse, “Just curious.”

———

Polly was a modern woman in many ways, but not in every way. She might’ve even been insulted if you called her that. So, when it was time for the spring cleaning of the house, she asked the girls to help. Well, she didn’t really ask.

“Ada, you start on sweeping and Teddy you can follow her with the bucket.”

Both girls rolled their eyes so hard it had to hurt and Polly couldn’t help but notice how in those few seconds, they looked exactly alike.

“I’ll be in the back with the washing,” their aunt continued, leaving no room for arguments.

Cigarette in hand, Ada started sweeping the floors at her own leisurely pace.

“Hurry up, will you?” Teddy grumbled, “I have to wait on you to mop and I do have other things to do, you know.”

“Oh? And what important appointments might you have, you strange little idiot?”

“Don’t call me an idiot!” Teddy stomped down het foot, “and hurry the fuck up!”

“Swear again and I’ll give you a slap!”

“Go on then!”

Ada huffed and swung her broom, aiming for her annoying sister. Teddy ducked and laughed, “You’re too slow.”

“Teddy…” she sighed, “I don’t want to do this either and I don’t have the energy to fight you as well. Just shut up and get this done.”

“Fine. Go on then, work, unless you’re afraid you’ll break a fucking nail or something.”

That earned Teddy a firm smack around the head. Angrily, she picked up her bucket and threw its contents in Ada’s direction, instantly soaking her sister.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!”

Aunt Polly came barging in the house after hearing Ada scream. Inside, she found a furious Teddy with one red cheek and an even more furious Ada, completely wet and dripping.

“I left you two alone for five fucking minutes,” she glared daggers, “and you can’t even behave for that long?”

Ada seemed to have found her composure again and grabbed another, dry, cigarette. “That’s what happens when you leave me with an actual fucking savage, Pol.”

“It’s not my fault! She started it!” Teddy fumed, “She called me an idiot and she does that all the time because she hates me!”

“Jesus Christ,” Polly lit a cigarette of her own, “Ada, go get changed and then you can continue the work outside. Teddy, you take over the sweeping. Probably my own fucking fault for thinking you could get along for half a day…”

With all the dignity she could muster in a soaked dress, Ada stalked off. Teddy picked up the broom and tried to avoid Polly’s eyes.

“I’ll have a word with her,” Polly said eventually, not without sympathy.

“Which is more than I’ll ever fucking have again,” Teddy spit.

“God,” Polly whispered to herself, “Why did you have to make them both so fucking stubborn?”

———

It was the evening after pay day, so all the pubs in Small Heath were filled to the brim. Normally, they didn’t serve women on their own, but Ada Shelby was the exception to the rule. Harry wouldn’t dare to refuse her.

“Here you go, Miss Shelby,” he said, as he handed her a drink.

She took it gratefully and went to sit down. The truth was, she was hoping to catch a glimpse of Freddie Thorne, but he hadn’t been in yet.

After fifteen minutes, she wanted another one and made her way over to the bar again. But the place was packed and it took too long for her liking. So, Ada went behind the bar and poured her own drink. Teddy watched her and smirked slightly. Deep down, she did admire her sister, simply because she wasn’t impressed by anything or anyone really.

At the same time, an older gentlemen strolled into the Garrison. He was dressed differently, looked like money, and had the confidence to match. Short as he was, he made up for it in attitude. Teddy didn’t know him and eyed him carefully.

Then he spotted Ada and made his way over. Leaning on the bar, he started talking to her, but Teddy couldn’t hear. She stood up and walked a little closer, while remaining invisible in the crowd.

“Come on, sweetheart, pretty girl like you all alone without a man?”

“Who says I am?” Ada shrugged, and Teddy could tell she was uncomfortable.

He smiled at her without humour, “How about I take you for a good time. You don’t want to be difficult, do you?”

Teddy frowned and felt the urge to spit at him. But instead she noticed how he was standing up on the little ledge of the bar, just a few inches off the ground. Cockily, he balanced on one leg, presumably to make up for the inches he lacked.

So the little girl grinned and just as he was telling Ada about all the things he had and could offer her, Teddy walked up to him and kicked him in the back of his knees. At once, he lost his balance and his legs buckled. And in one swift motion, he collapsed onto the bar and then fell flat on his arse.

The pub erupted in laughter.

Teddy joined in, but only got to celebrate her triumph for a few seconds. The man became furious and grabbed her, raising his hand to strike her. But before he could, Ada had grabbed a bottle and smashed it over his head. Afterwards, she calmly brushed the glass off her own coat and bit, “Now, piss off.”

“Yeah!” Teddy added, “Piss off!”

Ada looked down at her and grabbed her hand. She didn’t feel like waiting for what was to happen next, so she marched her little sister out of the pub.

Outside, neither said a word for a long time. Eventually, Ada was the first one to speak, “Would you mind explain what the bloody hell that was?”

Teddy shrugged, a little winded from having to run after Ada in her four inch heels, “I thought he was a bad man, so I didn’t want him to talk to you.”

Ada looked down at her strange little sister and felt a sudden surge of love for her, “He was a bad man. And I didn’t want him to talk to me.”

“Why?”

“Teddy… there are some good men out there…”

“Are there?”

“…but most of them are just bastards.”

Teddy pondered on that for a second, “How do you know which one is the not-bastard?”

Ada smiled, “Well, apparently, you already do. This one was not one of them.”

“So, you’re not mad at me for kicking him?” She tried carefully.

“Mad?” She laughed, “I thought it was bloody brilliant!”

Teddy smiled back up at Ada, beaming with pride.

“Thank you, Teddy, because for a moment, I did get scared.”

“I can come with you all the time, if you like!” her little sister quipped happily, “Keep watch for you?”

“That won’t be necessary, sweetheart, but I appreciate the offer.”

Casting her eyes down again, “Yeah, I know you don’t want me around…”

And quite abruptly, Ada stopped her in the streets, “Now wait a second, you strange little…” she quickly swallowed her words, “Teddy. Just because I don’t always like you, doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Do you understand?”

“No. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Maybe not,” Ada marched on again and Teddy once again struggled to keep up, “but it will as soon as you find your own not-bastard!”

Teddy looked a little too pensive for Ada’s liking, so she said in her version of being comforting, “I’ll look out for you too and kick any man that gets to close, don’t worry.”

“What happened to you two?” Polly demanded, as her two nieces walked through the door.

“Nothing,” they both replied in unison.

Thomas looked from one to the other, “Tell me what happened.”

“We told you, Thomas, nothing happened,” Ada replied airily, while taking off her gloves.

“Teddy, you fucking tell me now.”

But even Teddy didn’t crumble under her brother’s piercing eyes this time. Instead, she looked up to Ada and said, “It’s nothing, Tommy. Just women’s business. Nothing for you to worry about.” She was now directly quoting her other female role model and Polly had no choice but to bend her head to hide her smile.

Ada smiled back at Teddy and left the room, with her little sister in tow.

“What the fuck was that?” Tommy sighed.

Polly replied, not without some smugness, “I believe that was a sisterly bond in action.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Yes.”

“Fucking hell,” he breathed, as he lit another cigarette.

Polly turned around to continue her work, “You’re outnumbered now, Thomas!”

Tommy tried to make a dismissive hand gesture, “There’s four of us, only two of them.”

“Yes, but they’re women, sweetheart, and women count for at least two men. Besides, they’re together now.”

This was all too much for the great leader of the Peaky Blinders to understand. There were some things, ‘women’s business’ as Teddy so elegantly had put it, that he tried to steer clear of. Still, he felt a pang of sadness over his little sister growing up. Maybe he was losing her.

“You won’t,” his aunt read his mind, “but you can’t protect her forever either.”

“If I can’t, who will?”

Polly smiled gently, “We will.”

*****

Masterlist

[veeisdunn]

Hi :) I was wondering if you’d be open to writing something about Tommy and baby Shelby going to see Alfie. With season 5 Alfie trying to hide his scars because he thinks she’d be scared but she just cuddles into him. I get if this is weird or too specific😅

Protected

“Remember what we talked about eh?” Tommy says to his youngest sibling as he tugs open the door on her side of the car. (y/n) Shelby takes her brothers outstretched hand to help her jump down out of the car that was a little too high up for her to manage to climb out by herself. “Yes Tommy.” She responds, skipping off in front of him to the big heavy front door of the building they were going into. The little girl leans against the door to very little avail as it barely even budges until Tommy reaches the door too and pushes it open with one strong arm.

He steps very firmly in front of (y/n) in the lobby of the building to prevent her running off again, and crouches down to her height with both hands placed firmly on her small upper arms to hold her still. “You stay right next to me okay?” He repeats, “And stay quiet yeah? I’ll try and be as quick as i can.” (y/n) smiles in response, “And then we can go to the sweet shop?”

Tommy nods and gives his little sister a soft smile before he stands up straight and takes her hand tightly in his. His littlest sister is so fearless and unaware of the dangers of the life she was dropped into that it always gives Tommy a sense of relief in some ways. It was almost like a form of escapism. Bouncing between Polly, John, Arthur, Charlie, and Tommy had made her life very different from most, even from Tommy’s young son. It would be incredibly safe to say that it was a shock when Polly Gray had entered into the betting shop in Watery Lane holding a baby wrapped in a pink blanket. They were all incredibly confused and very soon learned that Arthur Shelby Senior had shown up on the doorstep with another child he wasn’t interested in raising. She was an accidental one who’s mother died in childbirth and the deadbeat father had been gifted with yet another little life to let down.

Of course it became very important for Tommy that the baby girl did not experience the same kind of sheer let down that their father had given to all of them. He named sweet little (y/n) on that evening 6 and a half years ago. He felt like he was completely aimless and useless at that time. He had decided not to go after Grace and that lost love was weird for him after finally having it. Then that beautiful, quiet, warm and sweet little girl was placed into his arms and held tightly onto his finger and suddenly, his world and his love seemed to hold new meaning.

She was his muse, his greatest love and his favourite little sidekick.

“Tommy fuckin’ Shelby.” Alfie rumbles out, his back to the door as he faces out his balcony. “That’s a bad word, Tommy.” (y/n) chides in a whisper as she looks up cautiously at her elder brother. Tommy offers her small hand a gentle squeeze and nods his head, but promptly turns his head back to the man holding a gun at the window. “And you’ve brought your mini protégé, i see.”

Alfie turns half of his face, only his good half, to see the sweet little wave from the youngest Shelby sibling. “Alfie, this is my sister; (y/n).” Tommy introduces, hoping his willingness to divulge his sisters name would move Alfie away from the subject as quickly as possible so that they could talk about what he was really there to talk about and then he could take his sister and go quickly. He didn’t like her having to be involved in these things, he always feared it would bring her into the line of fire. “Mhm,” Alfie grumbles, “Last time i saw you, you was only about this big-” He gestures with his hand only a few feet off the floor, “Couldn’t speak much, either.” The Londoner adds, eyes slightly narrowed. The 6 year old tilts her head to the side.

“I can speak a lot now, Mister Solomons.” She says, somewhat proudly. The burly man laughs, not his usual sinister or mocking way. “I can see that.” He hums in response, eyes moving from the little girl to Tommy when he clears his throat heavily to draw attention back to him. “If we could, Alfie, I’d like to talk business.” Alfie nods his head in response, gesturing with his hand to the couch across the room. Tommy let’s go of his sisters hand to sit down on the couch, the little girl doing her best to climb up beside him with only a little help from her brother. Alfie sits on the chair across from them. Tommy knows there had to be significant damage to the side of the man’s face after the injury he sustained from the bullet fired out of Thomas’s gun. There was almost no way he escaped that unscathed.

“I’m going to kill a facist, Alfie. And i need some men.”

The words from Tommy prompt Alfie to rather abruptly turn his head, somewhat shocked by the words, but more shocked by the fact the 6 year old little girl was completely unbothered by the words her brother had spoken. The pre-school aged girl simply continues fiddling with the pocket watch Tommy gave to her. She looks to be dismantling it with a very distinctive focus that reminds Alfie she is a Shelby, and she might fully be aware of how to kill him already.

“A facist ey?” Alfie repeats, his eyebrows raised. “Politics got to you, Thomas?” Tommy rolls his eyes and lights a cigarette. “I need some men.” Tommy adds, making Alfie scoff. “Oh you do, do you? And you want mine?”

Tommy merely nods his head.

In his discussion with the head of the Peaky Blinders, Alfie had not forgotten the presence of the 6 year old on the couch, but it had fallen away from the forefront focus of his mind as he debated the thought of lending men to a Shelby’s cause. In doing so, he turned his head in thought and a little noise of awe left the youngest Shelby. Tommy and Alfie both direct their attention straight to her.

The little girl scoots herself off the couch and Tommy reaches for her arm, but just misses. She trods right up to the huge London gangster and tilts her head. “What happened?” She asks softly. Alfie shifts uncomfortably on the couch he sits on, running his finger absentmindedly over the scarring of his face. “Got shot.” Alfie responds, Tommy clears his throat heavily and almost awkwardly in knowing he was the one who had given Alfie Solomons his facial scarring. (y/n) tilts her little head in awe as she clambers up onto the couch next to him.

“Looks cool.” She mutters in awe.

Most look at him in some kind of shock or horror even. Some with sympathy thinking it had come from the war and some with fear knowing where it had really come from. But few with the kindness and curiosity of the 6 year old standing on his good couch.

“Does it hurt?” She asks quietly. Alfie shrugs.

“Depends.”

That’s when her little hand reaches forward to trace over the scarring with an almost feather light child’s touch as she stands there on the couch, her hands are cold and gentle over the markings that no one has touched since his last hospital appointment.

“Her mother’s daughter.”

Alfie flicks his eyes back over to a now standing Thomas as he reaches forward to lift his sister up into his arms where she sits on his hip with little furrowed eyebrows and a purse on her lips. Alfie’s residual aching cheekbone pain has faded to nearly non-existent for the first time he can soberly remember. He knows that Tommy knows this by the look in his eyes and the way in which he notes his prior statement before he gathered his sister.

“She’s sweet.” Alfie nods, standing to his feet. As softened as both men may be by the child in the room, Alfie does not like sitting as Tommy Shelby towers over him whether the man is an ally or not. “Polly says i get it from Tommy.” (y/n) chimes. Alfie raises his eyebrows with a grin that makes Tommy roll his eyes at the retired gangster. “Oh do you now?” Alfie hums, opening his mouth to speak again when Tommy cuts him off. “You go ahead to the car (y/n), eh? I’ll meet you down there in just a minute okay?”

The six year old nods and runs off the moment her feet hit the ground. Tommy turns to Alfie immediately.

“If you ever-“

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Mister Mom.” Alfie rumbles, crossing his arms over his chest with a beaming grin. “Little miss Shelby has you whipped, mate. Tell me, what’s your favourite apron you wear at home eh Thomas?” He chuckles heartily, making Tommy glower in rage at his teasing. “I’m fucking serious, Alfie.” He growls. Alfie straightens up and stops laughing immediately.

His eyes narrow for a split second and he tilts his head, his eyes searching the depth of Tommy’s cerulean blues and immediately noticing the sheer panic and worry that lies deep within them, attempting to hide under brotherly protective instinct and rage at the prospect of harm falling on his little sister. Alfie inhales deeply. He would truly never dream of harming a child. It’s not in his nature, nor does it sit well with him. And though he had been quick to give the head of the Peaky Blinders a reality check in the past regarding the safety of his son, in the end he had no idea Charlie Shelby had been taken and he never would have arranged for that to happen.

Alfie nods his head and leans forward. “She’s special to you, yeah?” Tommy doesn’t know why Alfie asks. He’s sure it’s clearer than he wants it to be, but alas the Londoner asks anyway and Tommy doesn’t know exactly how to answer, so he simply makes a motion something akin to a nod though looks more like a twitch of his chin. “Mhm, I can tell. You can have the men. I’m sure you know the price.” Alfie turns away. Tommy doesn’t know what it was in Alfie’s eyes that reassured him more than words ever could that he wouldn’t lay harm on the 6 year old little girl who treated him with more respect and kindness in the ten minutes she spoke to him that anyone had in years. There was an element of brotherly protectiveness that Alfie felt only after knowing her a short time.

“And Tommy?”

“Yes, Alfie?” The Birmingham MP turns back as he leaves the doorway of Alfie’s sitting room.

“Anything ever happens to the kid, you fuckin’ let me know yeah?”

Tommy nods his head, the ghost of a smile somewhat on his face. His little sister is just about as protected as they come, and there was a distinct feeling of certainty that Alfie Solomons was there, lurking in the shadows of existence with a familial fondness of the little Shelby girl who carries the glow of an angel above her head that would ensure no men, from Birmingham or further afield would have to go through every Solomons and Shelby loyal man up and down the country before a hair on (y/n) Shelby’s head was messed. Tommy holds hope somewhere deep in his heart that his little sister will never have to see violence aimed at her, and that for as long as she lives she knows that she is instantaneously loved, dearly held in every heart and ferociously protected by some of Britain’s most dangerous men.

[veeisdunn]

this made me tear up a little

Welcome back sweetheart.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x F!Reader.

Summary: You left Tommy before the war started and now years later he found you again, and this time he won't let you run again. Especially not into the arms of your abusive husband.

Warning: Mention of abuse. Cursing. Mention of self-inflicted scars.

Long before the war in 1914 started, you lived in Birmingham, working in the Shelby family’s betting shop, dating the second oldest of the five siblings. You loved Tommy dearly back then. Even now when you didn’t know whether he was still alive or not, a part of you still loved him. Even when you were now married to someone else, a part of your heart still resided with Tommy.

A year before the war started, you and Tommy hit a hard place. You fought every day and were constantly caught in screaming matches. Tommy revealing to you that he signed up to help in the war along with his brothers, was the final straw for you, and you left weeks before he went off to France.

Now it was ten years later and the war was over. You didn’t know if Tommy ever made it back home, where he was now or what he was doing. You never heard of the Shelby family again after you left. For a long time Polly tried to reach out, but she eventually gave up hen you offered her no response.

You married five years ago, to a man that at first, made you forget all your sorrow and heartache. Henry was a wealthy businessman. At first, he had a heart of gold. He carried you on his hands and dedicated all his love and time to you.

Two days after your honeymoon, everything changed. He started hitting you, swearing at yo,u and using every crude word he knew against you. All his love was gone and the only time he treated you with an ounce of respect, was when you were out in public.

You feared Henry and so much of your heart hated the man. But you couldn’t leave him. Not after ending up in the hospital one too many times due to threatening to leave him. You were forced by your own fear to stay with him. You played the role of a happy and loving wife in front of others. But alone in your home, bruised and battered, you always thought back to your life with Tommy. Even in that last year of your relationship, you were still happier than now.

One Wednesday evening, you attended a charity event with your husband, as part of his ploy for his good image. You didn’t know much about the event prior to arriving, only knowing it was for an orphanage. Only when you arrived did you hear the name Thomas Shelby being thrown around with the utmost respect. The event was held by him, for the orphanage he had opened up recently.

You were on high alert now, eyes constantly darting around as you searched for the man, silently praying you wouldn’t spot him amongst the crowds of people. Your eyebrows were tightly knit togther, your hands fiddling around as you picked at your nails until your cuticles were raw and burning.

Henry eyed you with annoyance, knowing if he could pick up on your nervous behavior, so could everyone else. And it wasn’t good for his image to walk around with a wife ripping apart her nails as she looked on the verge of having a panic attack. He gripped onto your arm and yanked you closer to him.“My dear, you have been anxious and nervous since we arrived, what is wrong?” He whispered through gritted teeth.

“Nothing.” You whispered, flinching from his touch but he only yanked you closer again. You wearily glanced up at him, slowly shaking your head. “I just wish you had told me whose charity dinner we’d attend.” You explained softly.

Henry’s eyebrows furrowed as he tilted his head to the side, his fingers digging hard enough into your flesh to leave bruised.“Why does it matter?” He asked as he quirked an eyebrow.

Your gaze fell down to the floor and you shook your head again.“I do not want to stay long, Henry.” You pleaded softly, not daring to lift your gaze and look him in the eyes.

His hand left your arm and gripped your jaw as you flinched again. He tilted your head up and forced you to look up at him.“At least look like you are enjoying yourself.” He warned you with a slight snarl in his voice before he let go of you, turning around as a charming smile tugged at his lips and then he walked away from you.

You sniffed softly, gently rubbing soothing circles against your arm where bruises were sure to apear soon. You turned your head to the side, eyes widening when your gaze met Tommy’s. You stared at him like a deer caught in headlights, your lips parted in shock.

He stared back at you blankly, but his eyes held anger. Not anger for seeing you again after all these years, no, anger at what he had just witnessed. He silently observed you, eyes briefly flicking towards where your hand pressed against your arm, where his hand was only mere seconds ago.

You observed Tommy as well, taking in how much he had changed through the years, how much he had stayed the same. You took a shaky breath, eyes filling with tears.“Tommy.” You whispered.

“Y/n.” He replied softly, his voice gruff and more hoarse than you remembered it being.

You took a few hesitant steps towards him, eyes diverting down to the ground as you swallowed thickly at the lump forming in your throat.“Last I saw you, you were off to war.” You whispered as you began picking at your nails again.

“We haven’t been at war for a long time, Y/n,” Tommy muttered as his gaze flicked down to your fingers, eyebrows knitting together when he saw the state of them. Scars were running along your fingers, some new and some old, all of them self-inflicted.

You swallowed at the lump forming  in the back of your throat as your gaze diverted down to the ground and you briefly screwed your eyes shut.“I didn’t know if you came back…if you were still alive.” You whispered as your voice cracked under all the emotions.

“Would it of mattered?” He asked as he raised his eyebrows at you, his hands folded together behind his back, standing tall with authority and confidence.

Your lips slightly parted as you stared up at him, your eyebrows furrowing as you slowly nodded your head.“Of course.” You insisted, your voice was raw with emotion.

“Then why did you never come back to Birmingham to find out?”He asked as he quirked an eyebrow at you, his cold and distant stare making you uneasy as you shifted on your feet.

“I wanted you to be alive and okay, but I couldn’t bring myself to come see you.” You explained softly as you wrapped your arms around yourself, your gaze falling onto the floor beneath your feet. “If I was told this was your event, I’d have stayed home.” You revealed hesitantly.

Tommy stared at you silently for a second as he thought over your words. Then he softly hummed as he nodded his head.“With who did you come?” He asked as he raised his eyebrows.

Your face visibly fell as you swallowed thickly again, pursing your lips as you slowly shook your head. “Does it matter?” You asked as you raised your eyebrows.

“Your husband I presume?”Tommy asked with his eyebrows raised, his lips set into a hard line as his eyes drifted away from you, searching for your husband in the crowd. “Henry, is it?” He asked as his gaze snapped back towards you.

Your eyebrows furrowed, and your stomach clenched uncomfortably as you stared back at Tommy. Your mouth opened and closed a few times as your brain grew fuzzy with confusion. You took a deep breath as you tilted your head to the side.“How do you know?” You asked softly.

“You said yourself, this is my event. I invited Henry and to my surprise, your name was on the RSVP for his plus one. You’re under a different surname now, but I just knew and with a little digging, my suspicion was confirmed.” He explained as he stared blankly back at you, looking smug that he had knowledge you weren’t in the slightest aware he had.

You stared silently at him for a second as your arms crossed over your chest, taking a few slow and cautious steps towards him, “Little digging? What else do you know?” You asked him.

He stared back at you, rolling out his shoulders as he stood a little taller, smugness radiating off him as he stood with confidence.“You work as an assistant for a newsletter, you’ve been married for five years, you recently moved to Warwickshire for your husband’s office job and you don’t have any children yet.” He listed off without hesitance.

“Well then I guess there is no need to catch up, you already know everything.” You muttered softly as you inhaled sharply, your arms dropping by your side as you clenched your fists. “It’s good to see you again, Tommy. I’m happy the world has decided to treat you better now.” You whispered sincerely as you gave him a small smile, your eyes glossy with tears, before walking away and searching for your husband.

The following day, everything was back to normal again. Your version of normal at least. You had successfully avoided thinking of Tommy for the rest of your night and the rest of the following morning. But the minute you stepped into the office, you were met with the doing of Thomas Shelby.

Your eyebrows furrowed as your gaze lingered on the vase of fresh red roses on your desk. “Morning, Peggy.” You called out as you looked over at the redhead’s desk right next to yours. “For who are these?” You asked as you pointed at the flowers.

“For you. They were delivered this morning.” She told you, giving you gleaming eyes and a bright smile before she glanced over at the flowers, sighing in admiration.“Henry is honestly just the sweetest.”

You stared at her silently for a second before forcing a smile and nodding your head. You couldn’t remember a time after your honeymoon when Henry had bought you flowers. You hesitantly approached your desk, picking up the car stuck between two roses, your hands shaky and sweaty.“Welcome back, sweetheart. T.S.” You whispered as your eyes scanned over the card.

You gulped thickly at the lump forming in the back of your throat. Your breathing was harsh and shallow, your stomach knotting and aching painfully. You clutched the card in your hand as you sat down by your desk, wearily eyeing the roses. You hid the card deep in one of your desk drawers before forcing yourself to turn your attention to work.

Half an hour before your lunch break, the door to the office creaked open. Your eyes shot up and you froze as your gaze landed on Thomas Shelby. He curiously looked around the office as he sauntered in. His gaze turned to you as he stopped in front of your desk, taking his peaked cap off his head.

You slowly got up to your feet, palms pressed firmly to your desk, your eyes wide and furious. “Tommy.” You whispered, sending a fleeting glance at Peggy who eyed you curiously.

He stared at you silently for a second before his gaze drifted towards the vase of roses sitting on the corner of your desk.“I see you got my flowers.” He said as he pointed at them, slowly nodding his head.

“What are you doing here?” You hissed softly at him as you send another glance at Peggy, not wanting her to hear the conversation because you knew it wouldn’t be too long before your husband found out.

“Taking you out for coffee,” He explained as he cleared his throat, not speaking any softer with Peggy’s strained ears in the room.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you breathed in sharply, slowly shaking your head in confusion.“Why would you do that?” You asked as you raised your hands in question.

“Because I want to, now get your coat.” He demanded as he pointed at the white fur coat draped over the back of your chair, reaching over your table and grabbing your purse.

“If my husband finds out-” You snapped at him with a hushed voice as you tried to grab at your purse, but he held it out of your reach as he shook his head. You huffed as your hand pressed down on your desk again, sending another fleeting glance at Peggy who watched you, her gaze quickly diverting when you caught her staring.

“What, ey?” Tommy asked as he quirked an eyebrow at you, leaning in a little closer as his rough voice grew softer, only setting you more on edge. “What is he going to do?” He asked.

Your face fell as you swallowed at the lump in your throat again.“He’ll be upset.” He whispered as you gave him half a shrug of your shoulders.

“Upset enough to do what?” He asked in a threatening low voice as he raised his eyebrows, his grip on your purse growing tighter, leaving nail indents on the soft black leather.

You gulped again, shaking your head again.“Nothing.” You whispered as you pursed your lips, eyes casting down onto the desk.

Tommy hummed softly with a firm nod of his head. His hands pressed firmly against your desk as he leaned over, his voice growing even softer, but the edge to it was cold and dangerous.“I saw the way he grabbed you the other night, I’ve also seen your medical records.” He informed you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as your eyes grew teary.“My medical records?” You asked softly as you raised your eyebrows, your heart dropping down to the darkest pit of your stomach.

Peggy stared at you. She couldn’t hear the conversation, but she saw the way your face fell, the way your eyes pooled with tears. She hesitantly got up to her feet, her eyebrows furrowing with worry as she glanced between you and Tommy.“Y/n everything alright?” She called out.

“Everything is fine, Peggy.” You assured her as you lowered your head, sniffing softly and dismissively waving her off.

“Y/n is taking her lunch now, Peggy,” Tommy informed the redhead with a firm nod of his head before grabbing your coat and your arm, and leading you out of the building.

Once you were out on the sidewalk in front of your building, you ripped your arm from Tommy’s grasp, pushing roughly at his chest as you snarled at him.“You went through my fucking medical records?”You snapped at him.

Tommy took your punch, barely moving at the hard blow.“Does he hurt you?” He asked as he quirked an eyebrow at you.

“It’s been nearly ten fucking years, why do you care?” You snapped again as you ripped your purse and coat from his grasp, sniffing as you fought back burning tears that sat heavily in the inner corners of your eyes.

“It can be fifty years Y/n, and I’ll still care. I’ll always fucking care and that’s your fault.” He snapped back as he pointed a firm finger in your direction.

You raised your eyebrows as your mouth fell open, scoffing in shock.“My fault?” You repeated as you pointed a finger at your chest.

“You made me fall in love with you when we were young, and even now that I’m getting older, I can’t bring myself to love anyone else.” He explained softly as he clenched his jaw, slowly shaking his head at you.

You went silent for a second, eyes diverting to the ground beneath your heels. You breathed in sharply as you wrapped your arms around yourself, clutching onto your purse and coat. “Well, then it’s fair to blame my marriage on you.” You muttered as your gaze shot up to meet him.“I only married Henry because he gave me attention, and sometimes he made me forget the pain I felt from losing you.” You explained, forcing a smile as you shrugged your shoulders. “But then he started replacing that pain with a new kind of pain.”

“He’ll never touch you again,” Tommy assured as he stepped forward, hand slowly reaching out to cup your cheek. “I let you go once, and I’ll never fucking make that mistake again.”He insisted as his thumb brushed over your soft skin, making a promise to you. One he would keep till the day he died.

[veeisdunn]

Sneaking around

Shelby family x sister!reader

warning: period typical homophobia

context: set before season one, reader is a few years younger than Ada.

I know this isn't an original idea and is kind of overdone, but I figured since I am very very queer I might as well give it a shot.

WC: 4.1K

MASTERLIST

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It took awhile for everyone to recognise, but it was clear as day now. The youngest Shelby girl was slipping away.

Finn saw it first. The young boy idolised his older sister. Though less than a year was between them, Y/N was his world. You were there, day in day out, to offer support, advice, or generally cause trouble; until one day, you weren't.

Arthur, bless his heart, took a long time to come around. 

"But I fuck off all the bloody time and I don't see any of yous all stressed"

"This is different Arthur, it's y/n" Tommy, the replacement voice of reason.

You were barely a teenager when you first realised you were different. You had a playground boyfriend who you adored, but not in the right way. You always looked at him like a best friend, but it became painfully obvious he was dealing with some serious puppy love. He kissed you. You hated it.

You promptly ended things after that embarrassment.

As you got older, it clicked. You didn't like boys, not in that way. You looked at women the same way many men would. 

I'm fucking delusional. A looney.

The Shelby boys would tease your lack of romance, but deep down appreciated that you being single gave them one less thing to worry about.

You was all alone with these thoughts of self-loathing, until you met her.

Emma was a few years your senior and worked as a seamstress on the other side of Small Heath. You were caught in the rain together one evening, and the rest was history. You and Emma became close friends, both craving female companionship in your male-dominated lives. Your relationship escalated one drunken night in the snug of the Garrison. Most of the Blinders were in London doing god knows what, leaving the private room of the pub to you and her friend.

"Truth or dare?" Emma slurred 

You hummed, "truth!"

"Who was your first love?" 

"That's a big question." you pondered

"I've just never seen you around any men! You never even talk about them, you literally have your pick of every man in Birmingham." Emma giggled, her inhibitions getting the best of her.

"I… I just haven't found the right person yet." you quipped defensively, pouring yourself and Emman another glass.

"Maybe you're looking in the wrong place?" 

You choked on her gin. "What's that supposed to mean?”

Emma leaned back into her chair and stared you down. "I saw the way you look at the barmaid." she smirked.

shit. shit. shit.

"I think she's cute as well" Emma continued, swirling her drink around her glass.

You felt like all of the air had been ejected from your lungs. Did Emma feel it too?

"Wait. You also like women?" 

"Yes. I think they're rather more attractive" the older girl replied nonchalantly.

— 

Ever since that fateful evening, you had been "best friends" - more accurately, you were sneaking around each other's houses, stealing kisses behind buildings or under tables, and fighting the urge not to show any physical affection in public. You were enamored by each other.

This new arrangement made you fear your family, quite simply because they ran the entire city - the walls may as well have had piercing eyes following your every move. Though if the you were exposed, you didn't worry for yourself, you worried for Emma - an unmarried 20 year-old living in a bedsit above a cobbler who had no family (or gang for that matter) to come to her defense.

Y/N was certain this was one of the only laws her family hadn’t broken, and now you were walking all over it. Homosexuality, as Emma had taught you, was fully natural, but extremely illegal. Sometimes the you wished you could just be normal, but then you wouldn’t be able to spend hours gazing into your girlfriend's glowing eyes - a truly impossible predicament.

— 

The sun peaked up over the dense bog of factory smoke, darkened rays illuminating the dusty streets. Y/N took a deep breath in, halfway between a slumber and reality. 

That’s a nice smell.

Only a few minutes later did you realise that that nice smell was, in fact, Emma’s perfume and your head was, in fact, buried in Emma's chest.

“Morning, sunshine.” The older girl whispered, resting her hand on your knotty h/c  hair, attempting in vain to comb through it with her fingers.

“What time is it?” you yawned and relaxed into Emma’s gentle touch.

“Just turned seven, the bird’s woke me.” She spoke softly but the you were thrown into a panic. This was your first time sleeping in your bed and you'd slept in.

“They'll be up.” You shot up from Emma’s embrace. This revelation ruined the tranquillity of your night together. Emma hastily slipped on one of your frilly blouses and long woollen skirt, abandoning last night’s evening dress for the sake of blending in outside. You then helped your lover out of the window and onto the fence, then down to the alleyway beside the Shelby home.

“Em I’m sorry, again. I’m just scared, I don’t want anything to happen to you.” You apologised profusely, feeling ashamed that you went to such lengths to hide. 

Emma smiled sadly “No, I get it. We can’t have our fun end now can we?” She giggled playfully “I best be off, you should sleep over in my room tonight.” 

You blushed as Emma waltzed down the alley and onto the bustle of Watery Lane as if nothing had just happened. 

— 

“Aunt Polly, guess what?” Finn giggled, skipping into the crowded kitchen. The whole family, except you, were crowded around the table eating breakfast. “I heard someone in Y/N’s room!”

“Finn, that’s not funny. Go and cause trouble elsewhere.” Tommy scolded, glancing up from his newspaper.

“No!” the boy protested, grabbing his Aunt’s arm as she walked past, “I heard her talking! And I heard lots of footsteps! And the window!” he blabbed

The chorus of murmurs that filled the room ceased. 

“Y/N’s finally gotten herself a man!” John cheered, slapping an angry Tommy on the back. Across the table, it looked as if steam was pouring from Arthur’s ears.

“Boys, I say it’s a good thing. It’s time she found someone to have fun with.” Ada sighed, sensing one of her brother’s was about to blow up.

“I agree with Ada.” Polly announced, “Y/N is an adult now, she can do whatever the bloody hell she pleases”

“She’s barely 18!” Tommy slammed his paper down “she should NOT be having men sharing her bed.” Ada glared daggers into him. A floorboard creaking across the hall meant that you had accidentally announced yourself sneaking back to bed.

“Speak of the devil.” Arthur tutted. 

You apprehensively stepped towards the stairs.

Maybe if I walk slowly, they won’t see me?

“Y/N! Y/N! Who was it? When can I meet him?” Finn sang, bounding up to you, Tommy hot on his heels. 

“Who was the man in your bed?” Tommy demanded “Do we know him? Or will I have to introduce myself?” He snapped, a menacing undertone in his voice.

“THIS is why she felt the need to sneak him out!” Ada shouted over her brother, “you could at least pretend to be supportive!”

Tommy let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Okay, how was your secret fuck last night?”

“THOMAS! Cut it out. Now.” Polly could have broken glass with her shriek. “Girls, I suggest you leave. Your brothers need educating.”  

You fled up the stairs to her room. Ada followed close behind, stopping her sister from slamming the door and locking herself away. You threw yourself on the bed in despair. 

“That’s a nice dress. Did you wear it last night?” Ada tried her best to be friendly, inspecting Emma’s crimson dress hung over a desk chair.

“That’s not my dress.” You rolled over to face the wall, “it’s my friends.” you huffed defensively.

“You know, you can always borrow my dresses?” Ada settled down at the end of her sister’s bed, misjudging the situation.

“No Ada, it’s just that she wore it last night and left it here.” 

“So if one of your friends slept over, can’t you just tell everyone so they’ll shut up?”

An unfamiliar knot tied itself in your stomach. It was one thing sneaking around behind the backs of your family, lying to their faces was not something you'd considered. You opted to remain silent.

“What’s going on with you lately? You keep shutting everyone out.” Ada leaned over and looked down over her little (adult) sister with concern.

“I’m just so fucking tired of hiding.”

Ada’s the least likely to kill me.

“From what?” 

“Everyone. I am sick of living life like this.”

“Y/N, who was here last night?” Ada asked softly, catching on.

You snapped. “My girlfriend. My girlfriend was here and we slept in my bed. We didn’t have sex, we just talked.”

Ada silently gasped and took a moment to compose herself. “Look, I don’t care what you’re doing with her-”

“No, it’s not that.” tears began to well in your eyes, “it’s the fact they all probably think I’m no better than a common prostitute despite the fact they sleep with every woman they find.” 

“Oh Y/N…” Ada mumbled with a smile, “Polly will sort them out. You shouldn’t be sneaking around us.”

You was taken aback by Ada’s lack of anger. 

“Now…” Ada jumped up and picked up Emma’s dress from the chair, admiring the quality “tell me about her!”

— 

“Look Thomas, just because she is a woman and you are a man, it doesn’t mean you have more rights than Y/N.” Polly snapped, towering above her nephew.

“You just can’t seem to get it through your head, Pol.” Tommy retorted, standing from his seat, “men are bad, they can’t be trusted.”

“Yes, and you would know all about bad men Tommy, since you yourself run with the devil.” Polly squared up to him and snarled, staring into his dark eyes.

John joined the pair standing and rested a hand on each of their shoulders. “Eva is a smart girl, she probably picked someone who’s the total opposite of a Blinder. He’ll be nothing like Tommy.”

“At least if he’s a fuckin’ Blinder we can finish him off quickly.” Arthur chimed in, gripping his glass so hard it could have smashed.

“There will be no finishing of anyone off. You boys cannot sentence an innocent man to death for sleeping with Y/N. How do you think she will take that? Will she thank you? Or will she leave this God forsaken city and never come back?” Polly snapped, “It’s your decision, but it’s one you should take in a fucking heartbeat.”

As Polly berated Arthur and John sat back with indifference, Tommy stormed into the hallway and ascended the rickety stairs to your room. His mind was running at lightning speed, anger and guilt both clouding his rational brain. He had to know who this man was before he decided on his next step. Your jubilant voice and Ada’s giggles stopped him from bashing her door off its hinges.

“And when Emma kisses me, I swear my heart is going to explode.”

“Does she treat you well?”

“She’s so thoughtful. On the anniversary of Mum’s death, she brought flowers for us to throw in the cut. We sat on the edge for hours and she just listened to me ramble.”

“Oh my gosh! You lucky girl Y/N!” 

Tommy kissed his teeth and looked up at the ceiling before opening the door.

If there is a God, he thought, then please tell me what the fuck is going on.

Both yourself and Ada jumped as your older brother entered, his expression was impossible for either of you to decipher.

“Tommy, before you yell at her, can you at least think about this!” Ada begged, standing between him and yourself.

“Ada. Out. I need to talk with Y/N alone.”

Ada stepped forward “If you upset her Tommy, I’ll fucking kill you.” she threatened through gritted teeth.

Begrudgingly, after bickering some more, Ada left your bedroom and closed the door behind her. 

Thomas sighed, listening to the rapid rhythm of his pulse. Wordlessly, he picked up your desk chair and placed it next to your bed, sitting down and staring at his sister who was leant against the headboard, your knees to yourchest. You refused to meet his gaze.

“So,” He coughed, “Who is Emma?”

You traced circles into your thigh as you took a shaky breath in.

“My friend.” You mumbled

“Your friend who you shared a bed with and kissed?” Tommy raised his eyebrows. He needed to hear you say it for yourself, though, as Ada did, he’d caught on.

“I - you know, Tommy.” You sniffed your tears back.

“I need to hear it from you, Y/N. Use your words.”

“Fine. I love her Tommy! I love her more than all the girls you sleep around with. I know you don’t want me to be happy but I don’t care because I love her.” You lost it, you sat up and faced him, shouting with tears streaming down your face. The only thing stopping you from attacking him was the iron grip you were keeping on your bed sheets.

Tommy didn’t reply. He rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.

“I know you’re pissed but quite frankly I’m sick to death of being a prisoner to the men in this family. For once, I have someone who loves me for me and who doesn’t treat me like a child. If you don’t like it, I’ll fucking leave and you can be rid of me.” The words flew out of your mouth without much doubt and you couldn’t figure out if they were empty threats or if you were ready to run. Your brother’s reaction would decide that.

Silence. “So?” you spat, “when do you want me gone?”

Tommy barely registered what he had heard. He was stunned, sifting through his racing thoughts: She could be arrested, or even killed. Her reputation would be finished. What if she wanted her own life and career? Would she even be able to find a job?

He was so engrossed, in fact, that he didn’t even notice you leave in floods of tears.

— 

You were running on fumes. You hadn’t woken up prepared for any of this anguish. Your legs carried you to the one place where you knew you’d be safe - Emma. Before long, and after lots of odd looks from people around you, you'd ended up at the door of the dress shop where your girlfriend worked. 

“G’morning! How can I help?” The woman behind the counter looked up from her work at you, a fake smile on her face.

“Emma.” you panted, catching your breath, “Is Emma here? I’m her friend and it’s an emergency.”

After studying your face, the woman’s smile faded. “Emma!” She poked her head through a door behind her and called, “There is a Miss Shelby here looking for you.”

A crash, a slam, and then Emma appeared, rather flustered. If it wasn’t for your panic, you would be swooning at the sight of your lover in your clothes. 

“You should step in the back for a minute - I don’t want customers seeing you girls chit-chat.” The woman, who you had now deduced was the boss, spoke quietly. Emma didn’t respond and grabbed your forearm, leading you into the back room and closing the door.

“What happened? Why’re you crying?” Emma fretted, sitting you down at a desk.

You held back your tears in fear of getting your girlfriend in trouble. “They know.” You whispered, “My little brother heard someone in my room and they’ve all found out.”

Emma cursed under her breath, holding onto your hands so hard her knuckles went white. “Are they angry?” She whispered back, her eyes flicking to the door cautiously.

“I - I don’t know. My sister was really happy but I don’t think my brothers are. I asked Tommy if he wanted me to leave and he didn’t even say anything. I don’t think I can go back.”

The older girl walked over to a set of pegs and took a key out of a bag, handing it to you. “Go back to my room. I’ll finish at six today, then we can come up with a plan.”

“No!” You snapped in a hushed voice “You don’t understand how crazy my family are. You should leave me here and go somewhere else, it won’t be safe in the city for you anymore.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you. If you don’t think it’s safe here, then let’s both get out.”

After that exchange, you were sent on your way back to Emma’s bedsit. Luckily everyone else was at work so no one saw you run in. You were originally planning to spend the day figuring out what you and Emma were going to do come the evening, but you instead collapsed from exhaustion and slept.

— 

“Thomas Michael Shelby!” Polly bellowed, practically picking him up by his collar. “What in God’s name have you done?!”

Tommy snapped out of his haze. Y/N was gone. Polly was out for blood. Ada was crying. Arthur was having a drink - at 8am. John was gone, too. What the fuck happend?

“You were meant to comfort her! Not drive her out of the fucking house!” 

Tommy ignored his raging aunt. “I’ll get every bloody man on the street to find her.” His voice was monotone as he pulled a cigarette from his pocket.

Ada chuckled sarcastically, “John’s already onto that, got all the Blinder’s after her. He was being a brother while you were sitting on your arse.”

“SHIT” Tommy stood up and threw the pile of books from Y/N’s desk into the wall. “Shit shit shit.” And he was gone.

— 

The three brothers were out all day looking for their sister, while Polly, Ada, and Finn stayed home waiting in case she returned. She didn’t. As the night approached, the trio returned and handed over to a group of their associates who planned to search all night.

On the other side of Small Heath, you and Emma were getting ready to head out. Your plan was to sneak back to Watery Lane, get your things, leave a note, and get out. You was intending to hide in Emma’s room until you could both figure out where to go next. You took the reverse route that you had that morning, seeing that all the lights were on downstairs, but no one appeared to be upstairs. Down the alley, up the fence, onto the roof, then through the window. The one thing that you'd forgotten to consider was that somebody could already be in there. 

Ada was laying on your bed in floods of tears. The second your feet hit the floor, she shot up and screamed, bounding over. “Y/N! I thought you were never coming back!” She grabbed you and smothered her in an embrace, “Tommy didn’t mean it. He was just being an idiot. Good god Y/N I thought we’d lost you.”

Emma awkwardly slid in through the window, extremely embarrassed. At the same time, a pair of footsteps sprinted up the stairs and into the room and the door flew open. John. He looked exhausted and was too shocked to even speak, he assumed Ada was having a nightmare. On her guard, Emma stormed over to him and backed him in a corner. 

“Are you Thomas?!” She snapped, seething with anger.

John let out a sincere chuckle and smiled. “So Y/N did pick someone tough after all - I’m John, not Tommy.” Emma retreated in embarrassment.

“Sorry, I thought he’d made you cry.” She mumbled to you “I couldn’t help myself.”

“I like her, Y/N.” Ada smiled, taking a good look at the new woman in the room.

You walked over to Emma and took her hand. “You don’t need to protect me, it’s ok.” You whispered, wrapping her in a calming hug. You could feel her pulse pumping across her body.

“So you’re the girl who stole my little sister’s heart?” John enquired, relieved.

“Emma.” You spoke into the girl’s chest, “You’re hugging me too tight.”

Emma immediately let go “I’m sorry, I’m just tense.” You pecked her lips, “Better now?”

Ada awed at the interaction and took in the sight of her baby sister in love, John could have sworn his legs had turned to jelly. The moment was destroyed by another set of footsteps, Tommy entered drearily. 

John ceased his opportunity to wind his brother up. “Emma.” He announced, turning to her, “This is Thomas. Tommy, meet Emma.”

The loving embrace between you both ended as Emma stormed over to the doorway and pinned Tommy against it. Ada covered her mouth, trying not to laugh at the exchange.

“You. You fucking made Y/N cry. She’s been in my room all day crying because you couldn’t talk to her, after demanding that she ‘use her words’ you fucking prick.” she spat. Tommy lifted his hands up in surrender, shocked at this new girl’s confidence. 

“Ay, no need to shout. I came to apologise to my sister for being an arse.” 

“Honest to God Tommy, I don’t think an apology will cut it.” John folded his arms and walked towards the door.

“No. I’ll listen.” You piped up, pushing past John. “Emma, it’s ok, I promise.”

Emma shook her head and stood back. Ada took her out of the room begrudgingly and John followed, the three of them waiting outside of your door.

“Tommy, I-” You began but you were cut off by your brother engulfing you in a hug and practically picking you up.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart. I’m sorry. You can be angry at me but I’m just so happy you’re home.” He rambled, gripping you as if you were about to disappear again.

“I’m not angry, I’m hurt.” You stepped back from the hug and looked into his glassy eyes. “Why didn’t you say something, anything Tommy? I thought you were mad, I thought you hated me.” You spoke as tears fell down her cheeks.

“I - Y/N I was thinking about you. I was scared. You’re too good for this world and people won’t understand this.”

“I just wish you could have said something. Tommy you fucking terrified me.” You sniffed.

He took your hand in his and held it to his chest. “I don’t care who you love, Y/N, as long as you love. I don’t know where all that talk of me hating you came from. You could scream and shout at me, but I will never, ever, hate you. I got scared that you’d met some man like me who wouldn’t treat you well; but now I see you’ve found yourself a woman who will fight me over your feelings - a brave woman.” 

“So… you don't hate me? I thought you’d want me locked up.”

Tommy scoffed “Locked up, eh? You don’t have shell shock. You aren’t crazy. And even if you were, I'd look after you, I wouldn’t shut you away.”

You burst into relieved tears, prompting Emma to open the door. Tommy immediately stood to face her, his arms yet again up in a surrender.

“I don’t know if you heard that, Love, but I was apologising, so please don’t cut me.” He spoke, locking eyes with her pleadingly.

“Ok.” Emma sighed. “You’re forgiven, for now.” She warned. John skipped through the door cheering. “Tommy brother, we have found your match!” He laughed, “Aunt Polly will love you!”

The rollercoaster of a day came to a crashing halt as night fell across Watery Lane. You apprehensively introduced Emma to your family. John was right, Polly adored her: “Finally, another woman to help me control these feral men.”

Arthur was less expressive: “D’ya want a whisky?” Emma obliged - immediate friends.

Finn, bless his heart, was very confused - “Y/N, your boyfriend is a girl.” but he eventually figured it out.

— 

“You know,” You started, looking into the fire surrounded by your family with the woman you loved, “sometimes Em and I joke that the Shelby’s have now broken every law in the book.”

“No, I’m sure your brothers could find a few others.” Polly chuckled, leaning back into her seat, a smile plastered across her face.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

please drop me a comment or message with any feedback or suggestions! I'd love to hear from you ♡

Vee x

MASTERLIST

[veeisdunn]

Everything I've written!

I struggle to call this a masterlist because there is literally nothing here.

You and Me (2.5K) -- Tommy & Finn Shelby x sister!reader (warning: active self harm, suicide attempt)

Finn catches his twin sister self-harming and calls Tommy to help him.

Distractions (2.4K) (Part II to You and Me) -- Arthur Shelby x sister!reader (warning: description of self-harm scars)

Arthur helps keep his sister clean.

Sneaking around (4.1K) -- Shelby family x sister!reader (warning: period typical homophobia)

The youngest Shelby girl has her relationship exposed.

♡ Requests ♡

Bargain (3.6K) -- Tommy x sister!reader (warning: suicidal thoughts and actions)

The academic and social pressures suddenly become too much for the youngest Shelby girl, so it's up to Tommy to save her from herself.

Milestones (2.2K) -- Tommy x sister!reader (warning: talks of self harm, description of self harm scars, mentions of suicidal ideation)

Tommy and his sister reflect on her being clean from self harm for six months. Comfort ensues.

[veeisdunn]

Distractions

This is a sequel to You and me

Arthur Shelby x sister!reader

warning: description of self-harm scars

WC: 2.4K

MASTERLIST

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You were having a crisis. It had been around two weeks since your attempt and you had done so well, but then you nearly fucked it up. You felt like you were stuck in a cruel conundrum. If you spoke to a family member, they would probably end up hiding all sharp objects which would certainly make them resent you even more than they already did. Alternatively, if you didn’t, they would be immensely disappointed to inevitably discover that you’d broken your promise in a little under twenty days.

Deep down, you knew the right thing to do. You desperately craved the comfort of your twin, Finn, but he was fuck knows where doing fuck knows what.

Maybe he doesn’t want to be around me.

Deep down, you knew this was a stupid assumption, but your irrational side was screaming at you: You are dragging him down.

“It’s you and me, Y/N.” Did he still mean it? After all these years?

Fuck, I need help I need help.

You pulled your aching body off your groaning bed, your bones clicking after being curled in an unnatural position for the best part of a day. You resolved to sweep the house, if no one was there to help her, you'd give in and relapse. But, if someone was there, you'd keep her promise to Tommy.

You secretly wished Ada still lived with you and didn’t run off to London. Your elder sister offered her vital comfort on the phone after Polly told her what had transpired. 

“I need you, Y/N. I can’t deal with all these Shelby men without my Shelby girl.” 

You could ring Ada, but she didn’t want to disrupt Karl’s day by upsetting his mum, or god forbid cause Ada to put her life on hold and visit.

Your fragile frame trudged down the creaky wooden stairs, the home where you grew up. You once chased your brothers up these stairs as a child - before the world went to shit; but now they’ve all moved out, even Polly had a house. It left just you and Finn, along with any visiting family member or friend. The house was so dead and empty. Selfishly you missed when the whole family was under one roof - before the war. 

You snapped yourself out of your reminiscing, now was no time for fantasies. 

“Y/N?” A gruff voice called out from the living room - Arthur - shit. 

As much as you idolised your eldest brother, you never had any deep, emotional talks due to your wide age gap (twenty-one years, to be precise) along with your fear surrounding Arthur’s addiction and his anger. Things only got worse whenever he and his wife fought. That’s probably why he was there.

“Y/N, love?” He repeated. 

You cautiously shuffled towards the oak door of the living room and shoved it open. Immediately, you were hit with a wall of warmth and the stench of cigarette smoke.

“I’ve been waiting on ya. Thought you’d lock yourself up there forever.” Arthur sighed, putting his cigarette out and discarding it in the glass ashtray on the table. He glanced up at you and saw the all too familiar feelings of despair and sadness flooding your face. The pain radiated off you. It crushed him to see that you were feeling the same anguish he once felt. Despite his eyes on you, you remained still.

Arthur shifted over and gestured to the sofa next to him, a pleading look in his eyes. You hesitated, but then caved and sunk down next to him. His aura engulfed you like a blanket.

“What’s going on little’un?” he questioned, attempting to expel the gruff undertone from his voice

“Nothing. I - I just wanted to say hi.” you mumbled in response, evidently lying.

Arthur didn’t respond. He instead gave you a look, as if to say “bullshit.”

“I just…” Your voice broke “I don’t want to be alone right now.” You sniffled, not looking him in the eyes, instead focusing on your knees.

He sighed. He desperately wanted to help you, he empathised, but it was sometimes hard to force the words out. What would Tommy do? What would Polly do? What would Ada do?

“Then, let’s stay here together.” he half-smiled, you only hummed in response. 

“Can you - can we talk about this?” Arthur stammered, immediately regretting his word choice. “I mean - do you want to talk about it?” 

You didn’t respond, you stayed still. Your rational brain was telling you to spill everything, vomit your thoughts up. However, your darker side wanted your thoughts to stay locked alone.

Your fear was palpable. You wanted Finn. You and Arthur had never spoken about this. When he found out about your attempt, he broke into a fit of rage, leaving a trail of destruction - smashed glass, dented furniture - behind him. To his credit, he did try to apologise to you, but you remained silent throughout the ordeal.

"Sister." Arthur choked "I'm sorry for scaring you. I was just in my rage, you know? But… but not at you! just myself." 

You glanced up at him, tears silently falling down his cheeks. You had no words left in you, so you did the only thing you could: held him. It was ironic because really you were the one who needed comforting right now, but you knew Arthur was in just as deep shit as yourself.

"I - I just feel…" your voice whispered out to him "I feel like a failure." 

Immediately, the older man's bloodshot eyes widened. Had she - ?

"What did you do? It’s ok." He sure didn’t sound like it was ok.

"I swear, nothing, yet."

"Can I have a look?" 

Arthur hadn't actually seen but your self-inflicted injuries were described to him in vivid detail by a very traumatised Finn. Despite this, nothing could have prepared him for what he was about witness, physical evidence making the gravity of your situation more real.

You were far too embarrassed to reveal your handiwork to him, so you instead rested your wrist on his leg to let him discover them.

"my jumper" he smiled, "but it smells too clean."

You chuckled through your pouring tears.

Cautiously, he lifted up the cuff. It revealed a few large, burning scabs, still outlined by a deep crimson. It also revealed the start of Tommy's row of stitches. The cut couldn't be as long as they said, right?

Arthur looked up at you for some kind of reassurance, but your eyes were locked on your arm. He leaned in closer to your shaking body and continued. 

The black channel of parallel lines seemed to never end. He continued to slide up your sleeve, nearing your elbow. Anyone could tell how bad the cut was by the deep channel forming between the two sides. It almost looked like a stab wound, but way too large. As the sleeve bunched up and rested on your elbow, the forming scar ended.

"shit." Arthur mumbled in disbelief "can I check the other?" 

The process on your right wrist was considerably faster. Much to Arthur's relief, it was still populated by the old scarring he'd been warned of. Horizontal, raised bumps ran across your arm. In a messed up way, it reminded him of trenches on the battlefield.

"D'ya promise there ain't no others?" he spoke in a low, soothing voice. You nodded your head rapidly. "I'll get Finn or Polly to check fully later, ok?" 

"thank- thank you" your voice shook

"So, why're we feeling like a failure, ay?"

"Because, I - I just can't be strong. I'm meant to be strong." you cried 

"says who?" Arthur countered

"I - just everything. You are all strong, and I can't do it." 

"You think I'm strong? I can assure you I'm no different to you, same with Tom."

You looked up, shocked at his forwardness.

"This," Arthur picked up your stitched wrist and held it tendering in his cracked hand "this is just a physical sign of the pain you feel. We all feel pain. We all do stupid shit because of it, there ain't nothing to be ashamed of in this family." 

You let a small smile tease the edge of your lips. Your were scared Arthur hated you for it, but he clearly cared way more than you'd realised.

"There's that smile, ay?" Arthur cooed, your eyes locking.

"I thought you hated me." you sobbed, confused.

He was taken aback to hear those words coming from your mouth. He and Polly raised you and Finn. He could have sworn you were a little child last year, but now you was all grown up and in a lot of pain. 

"yeah? says who? don't listen to those voices, listen to me, ok?" He gripped your shoulders with his hands and pulled you in so your faces were nearly touching. "I love you, I love you so much" 

His tender words made you lose it. You were surprised that you even had tears left, resting your forehead against his shoulder. Arthur wrapped his arms tightly around you and patted your back rhythmically, humming something incoherent. 

"I'm sorry I made you mad with yourself, Arthur. I swear none of this is your fault." You gazed back up at her older brother, guilt clouding your vision. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you when we spoke before, you must have felt bad." 

He didn't respond, just shushed you and kept a reassuring hand on your back. They remained in that position until your cries subsided and Arthur had composed himself. 

He let out a strained cough to clear his throat of tears and tobacco. "What are we going to do ay? Gotta keep your big mind occupied." 

You knew what you desperately wanted: Finn. But you hated to admit that to Arthur. Finn needed a break. You didn't want Arthur to think you didn't want him. 

"Can we go on a walk?" You asked, yearning for fresh air and a change of scenery

He slapped his knees and stood up slowing. "I probably need the exercise anyway for the ole lungs" 

You laughed again. 

Arthur trudged to the door, throwing on his trench coat and cap. You shuffled behind him and wrapped your coat around your body, enjoying its warmth and softness - one of Ada's posh hand downs. 

Outside, the frigid evening air enveloped Watery Lane, however the setting sun cut through the fog leaving an amber haze.

“Where’re we off to then, Y/N?”

You hummed in thought, “The Cut? It should be quiet.”

And you were off, your elbows interlinked. Arthur rambled about nearly anything he could think of - mostly Linda. You enjoyed hearing your troubled brother talk about his future - how he want a baby and a quaint house in the country. 

“And I want you there playing in the grass with little Arthur junior!”

“And what if it’s a girl?”

“Little Linda! I dunno!”

He told you stories of you and Finn as small children. How Arthur would bounce Finn on his shoulders or chase you around the house in circles, much to the dismay of literally everyone else (Polly). You spoke about how during the war, if there was a problem, you and Finn would play “What would Arthur/Tommy/John do?” (depending on the day) where you would pretend to be your older brothers; going so far as to wear their clothes. 

For a minute, you forgot why you were in all of this mess to begin with. Life was so simple. As the two of you walked along the cut, you gazed at your reflection in the murky water. You were so much older now, there was so much more at stake. 

“Gotten quiet now? What are you thinking?” Arthur stopped and turned to face you. 

“I wish we could all go back.” You sighed longingly, looking up into your brother’s face. In all your memories, he’s a twenty-something year old playing father to you and Finn - now he was in his forties. 

After that revelation and some tears (from both of you), you somehow ended up at the Garrison. Typical Shelbys. After ordering a drink each from the flustered barmaid, you slipped into the snug where Finn and Isiah were deep in a drunken game of cards. After your entrance, Finn perked up, his cap nearly falling from his head.

“My favourite Shelbys!” Finn slurred, stumbling to embrace you both.

“I’d be careful where you say that mate!” Isiah laughed, clumsily slamming his cards onto the table and taking a swig of a beer.

Arthur thoroughly enjoyed the sight of Finn drunk off his head “and how many deep are we, ay?” he chuckled, settling down on the bench.

“How many what?” Finn frowned, dragging you to his side of the table.

“Drinks, Finn, drinks.” You joined Arthur in his amusement 

“Ooooh! I dunno.” He shrugged over dramatically in response, wrapping his arm around you. “What I do know is that I’m winning now with my new teammate.”

“I am NOT helping you gamble, Finn.”

The night eventually wound down and concluded with you helping Finn stumble home, him slurring incoherent nonsense about some girl he fancied. You found it funny how he was technically your younger brother (by a few minutes) yet he was the drunk one. 

You dragged Finn over the threshold of your home, the second you let go of him to lock the door he collapsed unceremoniously onto the stairs with a thud. You yanked his shoes off and practically dragged him into the living room, relighting the fire Arthur had started earlier knowing Finn wouldn’t make it up the stairs in this state.

You'd barely turned your back before Finn was fast asleep, curled up like a child on the sofa. You settled down on the floor next to him and gazed into the popping fire. Within minutes, the radiant warmth sent you into a slumber.

Tommy came by the next morning and let himself in. His heart swelled at the sight of his two youngest siblings sleeping peacefully in the living room. Finn had gradually made his way onto the floor and was lying down next to you, your hands intertwined.

He considered waking you both up but instead resorted to spreading a blanket over you, taking the time to admire the calm atmosphere.  As long as they have each other, he thought, they will be alright.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

please drop me a comment or message with any feedback or suggestions! I'd love to hear from you ♡

Vee x

MASTERLIST

[veeisdunn]

You and me

part II -- Distractions

Tommy & Finn Shelby x sister!reader

warning: character self harm, suicide attempt

WC: 2.5K

MASTERLIST

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The front door clicked behind Finn and he sighed. Peace at last. He had gotten out of his obligations at the shop early due to his twin feeling under the weather. At least, that's what you'd told him.

The air in the house was stagnant. He expected you to be rushing to greet him. 

Y/N is sick, you idiot.

He peered upstairs, your door was wide open. You weren't there.

"Y/N?" He called out. Silence followed by a chair scraping across the stone floor. You were in the kitchen with the door shut. 

Finn took his coat and hat off, hanging them up by the entrance way before swinging the kitchen door open without warning.

He was hit with a metallic stench, mixed with the salt of fresh tears. Blood. His eyes darted and fell on his sister. You stood in the corner, wearing one of Arthur's old knitted jumpers, your eyes laced with pure fear.

You tried to open your mouth, but your lips trembled and nothing came out.

"Y/N! What the bloody hell happened?" He demanded, perhaps a little too harshly. He walked over to you in an attempt to drag you out of the corner, his mind racing. Did someone break in? Is she hurt? Did someone hurt her?! His thoughts all ceased when he touched your sleeve and realised it was sticky and soggy. 

"Finn. Leave" Your voice croaked, strained by your previous cries and wails, all of which went unheard.

He looked down to see his hand stained red from the dark stain on your sleeve. The blood, your blood, seeping into the crevasses of his skin. Finn went to raise your sleeve but you recoiled, somehow pushing your body deeper into the corner. He stood over you, trapping you.

Finn's eyes darted around the room. And that's when he saw it. A razor blade on the kitchen table, covered in fresh blood. No doubt stolen from one of their caps.

You let out a small whine once you were certain he knew. Finn stepped back, visibly disturbed. "Show me."

"Finn, please… Leave." you begged, repeating yourself, tears streaming down your sullen cheeks.

He ignored you and forcefully pushed up your sleeve. You winced out in pain as he winced with horror. Your wrist was unrecognisable, it was absolutely destroyed. There was barely any skin left to see due to the blood pouring from the vertical slices.

Finn thought he was used to seeing blood. He had become a fully-fledged peaky blinder after the death of their brother John, however nothing could have prepared him for the blood of his sister spilling out in their own home.

Wordlessly, he grabbed a tea towel and pressed it into your arm. You sobbed and your knees buckled. Finn was speechless.

"I have to call someone, Y/N" He spoke, his tone giving off both anger and sorrow "I don't know what to do."

"No, no don’t. I can deal with it." You sobbed, pleading with him desperately. 

He ignored you and grabbed the phone that was on the wall, putting in the number for the company offices. You tried to grab the phone from him but he turned his body away, keeping his other hand firmly over the towel on your wrist. 

One of the young assistants picked up the phone.

"It's Finn Shelby. Whose in? I need to speak to family." He demanded hastily

"One moment Mr Shelby." a calm voice spoke on the other end "The only family in the office is Mr Thomas Shelby"

You shook your head furiously, silently begging as you choked on your tears. Finn ignored you.

"Put me through"

click

"Hello? Who's this?" Tommy's voice was gruff and tired

"Tommy, I need help. Y/N's hurt." Finn blurted out, immediately getting his older brother’s attention. 

"Where are you?" He demanded, his voice switching to fully alert. "What the fuck happened?"

"Home. She cut herself Tommy, really really badly." He spluttered. You tried to fight against his grip so you could escape, but he used his body weight to push you into the wall.

A muffled slam came through the other end of the phone and the line went dead. He'd be there in a matter of minutes.

Looking back down at you, he could almost smell the fear. Finn had never dealt with anything like this before. Sure, his siblings had other addictions but this was different. Your gaze refused to meet him, you had rarely seen Finn appear this pissed.

“Just leave. I know you’re angry. I can’t deal with two of you mad with me” You begged, your voice cracking.

“No” Finn quipped, force in his voice. “I’m not angry. I just don’t know what to do.” He was being painfully honest, “What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to get out.” You blurted back, unable to recognise his confusion and desperation due to the racing of your thoughts.

“Y/N,” he interrupted, “I’m not leaving you.”

You let out a pained sniffle and he began to crack. Finn tried so hard to put on a tough act but you were making it impossible. He hadn’t cried since John’s funeral. Without warning, he pulled you into his chest, keeping one hand over your arm. He buried his head into your hair in an attempt to hide his sobs. He’d already lost one sibling this year and he couldn't lose another - but the young man was so confused. Why the hell would she do this?

There was a brief moment of silence before the front door swung open forcefully, slamming into the wall with the force of an explosion. your body convulsed as you tried to fight out of Finn’s grip, only making him hold on tighter. 

Tommy ran to the pair and rested his hand on Finn’s shoulder, prompting him to pull away, leaving you to lean against the brick wall, a shaking mess. It was a foreign sight for both men, who were used to seeing their sister’s tough facade. Tommy took Finn’s place in front of you which allowed Finn to lean up against the door and process what the hell had just happened, putting his head in his blood-covered hands.

Tommy’s new perspective highlighted the severity of the situation. There was blood everywhere. Floor, walls, both of the twins, and now himself. You cried out with paralysing fear and pain as your older brother lifted the towel off wrist to inspect the damage. He winced and took a sharp inward breath, before grabbing a fresh towel from the shelf above you and applying more pressure to your injury.

“I’m gonna clean you up, eh? You don’t need to say anything, just sit down” 

“Finn, get me the first aid kit from under the sink and some whisky.” The elder brother ordered, but spoke with a cautiously soft tone, sensing that his youngest brother was on the edge of breaking, tears free falling down his cheeks. He hadn’t been seen crying like this since he was a child.

Tommy turned back to face you. “Love, look at me.”

You obliged, your eyes shaking in their sockets.

You nodded, gratefully, and slid down the wall to the floor. Finn came back over to you both with the supplies his brother requested.

Tommy popped open the bottle. You bit your lip in anticipation of the pain.

“I’m sorry love. It’s gonna sting a little.” He warned. The second the cold liquid hit your skin, your entire body shook. Finn instinctively reached over to grab your other hand. 

Tommy then wiped away the blood, getting a clearer view of what you had done. The cuts were deep and vertically running from your wrist downwards. He had never seen anyone cut themselves in this manner. Was she just trying to hurt herself or was she-? 

He hastily opened one of the drawers above where the Shelby twins were collapsed in a ball to pull out the sewing kit. He knew deep down he should get a doctor, but he also knew that you were in no state to deal with anymore people around you. Tommy had ample experience stitching his friends up in the trenches, or his men after fights - but this was different. He desperately didn’t want to hurt you or make the scarring worse. 

His thoughts were interrupted with your head dropping to look at the floor while you let out gut-wrenching sobs. Finn crawled over, practically on top of you, and pulled you in for another embrace, Tommy still gripping your injured arm. She’s gonna need stitches.

He let out a deep sigh. “Y/N, I’n going to have to sew you up.” You tried to retract your arm but Tommy’s grip was too strong. Finn held onto you tighter. “Let him help you.” He whispered into your ear. You didn’t respond.

Tommy trusted Finn to hold you down. He took a needle and a thin piece of thread out, dipping them both in the bottle of whisky. Only one cut looked like it needed stitches, doing the others would risk tearing your skin. He bent the needle into a half-moon shape, just as he’d been shown many years ago by an army medic.

Without warning, the alcohol soaked needle penetrated your tender skin, knotting the end of your cut together. You let out a cry, though it was muffled partially by Finn’s waistcoat. Fin on the other hand was letting out audible sobs that echoed throughout the room.

Perhaps he could feel it, Tommy thought. Polly always said they could feel each other's pain- gypsy magic.

“Nearly done.” Tommy mumbled, mainly to himself. “Nearly finished.” He reached the end of the cut, near the inside of your elbow, and finished it off with another knot. After cutting the thread he poured the rest of the whisky on top of your arm. Finn cautiously looked down and inspected the neat row of stitches which were doing a successful job of stopping the flow of blood. 

“It’s ok. He’s all finished, yeah? You did so well.” Finn spoke softly into your ear, you just sniffled in response.

“Can you wrap her up, Finn? I need to wash my hands.” Tommy gestured down to his dripping red hands. Finn wordlessly released his embrace and picked up the bandage from the first aid kit. He delicately wrapped the cream fabric around your arm, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“Cmon. Living room. We need to talk.” Tommy spoke quietly, walking out of the room.

Finn looked down to you. Was she always this small? He stood up slowly and pulled you up, using the wall to support you. Your silence was scaring him, you hadn’t spoken a word since Tom’s arrival.

In the living room, the older brother chucked wood into the fire (a fleeting attempt at releasing his anger) and lit it with the lighter from his pocket. The quaint orange flame quickly engulfed the bark, exploding into a waltz of embers. Satisfied, he sat on the sofa, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at the open door. In the corner of his eyes, Tommy saw a yellow envelope on the table, confirming his fears. She’d left a suicide note. Wordlessly, he took it and slipped it into his blazer pocket. Finn emerged from the kitchen, his hand on your back, practically pushing you into the room.

“Sit.” Tommy gestured to the sofa opposite them.

He cleared his throat, looking at his two youngest siblings, the innocent ones. 

“Y/N. Before we get into how you’re feeling, I need to ask, is that the first time this has happened?” Tommy asked, using his stoic business voice to hide his sorrow.

Wordlessly, you shook your head.

“When did this start?” Finn asked softly, caressing the bandage on your wrist.

“I - I’m really sorry.” You croaked.

“Y/N. When did this start?” Tommy asked with more force in his voice.

“A few years ago.” You whispered in shame. “But it’s been on and off.”

“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Tommy asked, refusing to skate around the issue. Finn’s eyes widened in horror as he looked over at Tommy. He hadn’t allowed the thought to cross his mind.

Again, you shook your head silently, this time lying. Tommy pulled the note out of his pocket and left it on the table in front of you both. Finn’s face dropped as his breathing began to shake. He thought he was going to be sick. He couldn’t imagine a second without you - his literal other half. “What the fuck?” he half cried, half shouted. “You seriously were going to leave me?” You burst into tears.

“Ay, both of yous.” Tommy spoke up “Finn, don’t shout.”

“You were going to leave me.” Tommy felt seriously out of his depth, watching Finn cry out while you sobbed, shifting away from him.

“Why?” Finn begged, holding onto your shoulders. Tommy sat back and allowed them to talk, after all, he was double their ages and didn’t feel qualified to comfort either of them. “I know you struggle with depression, but we talk-” Finn cut himself off, knowing full well that since John’s death and his official inauguration into the Peaky Blinders, your once frequent talks had ceased. “I’m sorry Y/N, I’m so so sorry.” He wept “this is all my fault.”

“No blame game.” Tommy cut in, “Y/N, what’s going on inside that head of yours, ey?” He dropped his serious-Mr-Shelby voice in favour of his caring brother-Tommy tones.

“I just, I feel so empty and alone. I’m such a deadweight. I can’t do anything except make people sad.” The words freely tumbled from your mouth before you even had a chance to register them. “I can’t go on like this, but I don’t want to hurt you guys more.” 

Finn once again grabbed you and pulled you into a hug.

“Chin up, look at me.” Both of you looked up at their elder brother, Finn squeezing your hand so tight his knuckles were white.

“Did you seriously think this would solve anything? Finn needs you, Arthur needs you, Ada, Polly, me” Tommy spoke, not caring that his words might have seemed harsh. This tactic worked on Arthur in the Garrison, it would hopefully work again.

“This ends today.” Tommy ordered, “No more suffering in silence, you are to come to one of us next time you feel these urges. I’m sure Finn will keep close watch on you and we will be checking your body for cuts daily.”

Finn hummed in response, siffling down his tears. “It’s you and me, remember?” He spoke softly, recalling when you were both just kids during the war.

You both sat on the wall at the bank of the cut, your little legs hanging over the edge. “It’s you and me, Y/N.” Finn spoke out suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

“Us against the world.” You smiled, gazing off into the distance.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

part II -- distractions

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Vee x

MASTERLIST