venomlion3

[venomlion3]

Every protein bar is called something like "double chocolate indulgence caramel cookie dough delight crunch" and tastes like clay and sawdust

[venomlion3]

went to my best friend’s house last night and saw a little plushie dog and plushie cat that had been sewn together down the middle into a two-headed chimera. I said, “did you do that?” she said, “yes, I saved them.”

turns out at her old job when the last two plushies hadn’t sold and became deadstock, her boss told her to cut them up and throw them out. so she cut them each in half, preserved their heads, and then rebuilt them together.

cannot stop thinking about the way these little plushies were approached with the instinct of a Vampire or some sort of ancient god. “Let me save you [turn you into a monster].”

[venomlion3]

It's wonderful how, with no warning and without even trying, we will randomly stumble across new favorite songs, new favorite artists, new favorite books, new favorite movies, new favorite games, new favorite shows, new favorite snacks, new passions, new hobbies, new interests, new favorite blogs and new favorite people. So when things are terrible, hold onto the fact that someday, possibly when you least expect it, you'll suddenly come across something wonderful!

[venomlion3]

a man walking by me on the street calls me a faggot so i point my bill gates 5g microchip gaydar at him and discover he experimented with a man in college and can reclaim it so i determine i am no longer upset

[venomlion3]

they dont tell you this but like half of adulthood is just washing the same FUCKING pan

[venomlion3]

Stationery furries

[venomlion3]

haha thats so funny [face gets gravely serious] but were you not a staunch and trusted ally i would have you executed for such a joke

[venomlion3]

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

[venomlion3]

just saw a furry go "ugh pup masks are the worst thing to happen to the furry community" and it's like what are you talking about those are your cousins, at the end of the day you're both pretending to be gay dog men, i think it's just an aesthetic choice at that point

[venomlion3]

literally half the reason i tag stuff on here is so i can go back and browse my own blog. i am my blog’s #1 fan

[venomlion3]

can I come over and dodge roll into all your breakable furniture

[venomlion3]

diced onion and olive oil belong in the saucepan together. lezzing out.

[venomlion3]

ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

[venomlion3]

the new US dollar, will feature a image of a dark spirit, which will be called a 'wraith dollar' and worth 2x as much

[venomlion3]

I don’t really know what this means I just really like tuna crabs

[venomlion3]

my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍