veteran-of-feelings-blog - Tumblr blog

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All cutting devices have been taken away so an elastic band is the only way to go...

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

I met someone...

He’s kind, funny, smart, a hard worker, great kisser, pretty much ticking every box.

And I’m terrified...

Terrified to fall in love, terrified to show him the worst days, terrified that he’ll see my body the way I do, terrified of scaring him away, terrified of letting the lovely things just happen...

Because at the end of the day I’m coming home to be alone in my head and no amount of his care and love can stop that.

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

unusual asks

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

2: What is your full name?

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

5: What’s your eye color?

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

8: What would you say is your best quality?

9: What are you really bad at?

10: What talent do you wish you had?

11: Are you nice to everyone?

12: What do you think about the most?

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

14: What is your least favorite word?

15: What is your favorite word?

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

23: Are looks important?

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

31: How does someone win your heart?

32: What turns you on?

33: What turns you off?

34: Do you get jealous easily?

35: What is your definition of cheating?

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

39: How often do you listen to music?

40: First concert you attended

41: Last movie you watched

42: Favorite type of movie

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

45: Do you fall in love easily?

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

50: What’s your “type”?

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

I ran away.

Today I drove five hours to spent Easter weekend alone, I didn’t run away forever, or to a new/unknown place, but I went somewhere I knew I could recuperate. Somewhere I was comfortable but also able to really find my way out of the hole. It felt liberating to know I was able to just drive away, even if only for a few days, it felt freeing and satisfying.

I wanted to leave, forever, but I know I can’t just drop all my responsibilities and leave a life behind (at least not yet) so I just changed all my plans to go to a relatives empty house for the weekend and have some much needed R&R.

It’s made me feel happy, the feeling of being able to just up and go.

I think I’ll be okay but for now I’m going to revel in the fact that I’ve got me time and that’s all I wanted.

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

Deep thoughts late at night.

Is it my fault that I’ve ended up in this hole again? Every time I end up here I just want to know what I did, what did i fuck up this time? I’m trying to live my life and get on with it and some have pointed out that I’VE done something and that’s the reason I’m back here. How is it that I’ve ended up feeling like my mental illness (that I didn’t ask for) is my own damn fault. “Go for a walk” “eat better” “quit smoking” “ stop being an alcoholic” “JUST BE HAPPY”

Logically I know it’s not my fault that I have this. But there are so many ignorant, rude, stupid, inexperienced people who have truly made me feel like it is my fault. I’m sorry I haven’t been given everything to me on a silver platter, I’m sorry I can’t JUST GET UP, I’m sorry I partake in destructive behaviour, I’m sorry I eat fatty food, I’m sorry I feel TOO MUCH, I’m at a point right now where I’m sorry I’m even fucking breathing.

The world is so full of ignorance and lacks empathy and it puts people like me in a position where we do just want to give up, and again, logically I know that it’s not my fault, but those cunty people who have just breezed through life complaining about breaking their nails or not getting the car they wanted, those people make me feel like it truly and honestly is my fault.

I never thought I’d see the day where I truly started believing it’s my own fault that I am the way I am. And I know people will message me asking “have you spoken to someone?” “Have you been taking your meds?” “Have you asked for help?”... of course I fucking have I’m not stupid. It has got a hold on me that I can’t shake.

I want to ask these questions: People who have not experienced serious mental illness, what do you honestly think? Do we do it to ourselves? Do we complain too much? Do we need to just be happy? Does it annoy you because there are people who have it worse than us? How do you honestly feel at the exact moment someone reveals to you that they have a mental illness?

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Just never quite good enough...

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A text message to someone who doesn’t understand...

“I sat at a table most the night with no one to talk to, people only talked to me after they’d gotten drunk and most of the people I knew who were there had their partners or long time friends and I was lonely Michael, I don’t belong anywhere, I’ve moved more times I can count, I’ve been through more friendship groups than I can remember, I’ve fucked too many to the point that I don’t like sex anymore, one of my two long term best friends turned her back on our friendship for sex and the other one smokes more weed than cigarettes, I can’t get over you so I have no idea when I’ll even have a chance of meeting a new person, I was such a bad person that it has effected my whole future, people don’t trust me, people don’t want to listen to my problems because all I’ve ever done is sook and no matter how hard I work people aren’t seeing that, they are seeing the drama queen I have always been. I am lonely and just because I got invited to a wedding does not mean I have what I crave/want/need.”

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

Reblog if it’s getting bad again because me too. 

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

50 Quotes About Kissing

1.

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

—Sylvia Plath

2.

Kiss me until I forget how terrified I am of everything wrong with my life.

—Beau Taplin

3.

How she felt when he kissed her—like a tub of roses swimming in honey, cologne, nutmeg and blackberries.

—Samuel Sullivan Cox

4.

He took her into his arms again, using all his strength to be gentle, and let his lips touch hers so lightly he could hardly feel it.

—Morgan Llywelyn

5.

His kisses tapped into deep mines of memory, and the years that had separated us fell away as if they were nothing.

—Lisa Kleypas

6.

A kiss is a secret told to the mouth instead of the ear; kisses are the messengers of love and tenderness.

—Ingrid Bergman

7.

And we were kissing like drowning people breathe—like suddenly we’d discovered something that has never been so sweet before that moment.

—Morgan Matson

8.

The kiss itself is immortal. It travels from lip to lip, century to century, from age to age. Men and women garner these kisses, offer them to others and then die in turn.

—Guy de Maupassant

9.

I kiss her. I kiss her and kiss her. I try not to bite her lip. She tastes like vodka honey.

—Lidia Yuknavitch

10.

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.

—Eduardo Galeano

11.

It was the kiss of a man who had waited years for the moment, and feared that it would never come again.

—Jana Oliver

12.

The first kiss can be as terrifying as the last.

—Daina Chaviano

13.

It was a kiss to level mountains and shake stars from the sky. It was a kiss to make angels faint and demons weep…a passionate, demanding, soul-searing kiss that nearly knocked the earth off its axis.

—Lisa Kleypas

14.

You should be kissed and by someone who knows how.

—Margaret Mitchell

15.

If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.

—Jennifer Lopez

16.

My first kiss. A new kind of kiss, like the new kind of music still playing, softly, in the distance—wild and arrhythmic, desperate. Passionate.

—Lauren Oliver

17.

Now a soft kiss—aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss.

—John Keats

18.

Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.

—Marilyn Monroe

19.

It was the best first kiss in the history of first kisses. It was as sweet as sugar. And it was warm, as warm as pie. The whole world opened up and I fell inside. I don’t know where I was, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care because the only person who mattered was there with me.

—Sarah Addison Allen

20.

How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss and all was said.

—Victor Hugo

21.

A first kiss is the demarcation line: the same information that a moment ago felt private, all of a sudden seems unfair to withhold. And with that exchange came more.

—Francesca Marciano

22.

Then she was kissing him as she had never kissed him before…and it was blissful oblivion, better than firewhisky; she was the only real thing in the world.

—J. K. Rowling

23.

I’m going to kiss you now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.

—Jamie McGuire

24.

A kiss that is never tasted, is forever and ever wasted.

—Billie Holiday

25.

He kisses like he’s dying of thirst, and I’m water.

—Jennifer L. Armentrout

26.

A kiss is a rosy dot over the ‘i’ of loving.

—Cyrano de Bergerac

27.

Well, it’s either kiss me or kill me, that’s how I see it.

—Tom Waits

28.

The kiss is neither returned nor exchanged, because it’s free.

—Charles de Leusse

29.

The sunlight claps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea: what are all these kissings worth, if thou kiss not me?

—Percy Bysshe Shelley

30.

My nose itched, and I knew I should drink wine or kiss a fool.

—Jonathan Swift

31.

Kissing you is terrifying, breathing your same air makes my knees weak, when I’m around you it’s a tie between wanting to chase you down—or just kiss you until you can’t breathe.

—Rachel Van Dyken

32.

Our only kiss was like an accident—a beautiful gasoline rainbow.

—Alice Sebold

33.

He tangles his hand in my hair, and the other cups my jaw. Although I have this all planned, his lips feel shockingly sweet, swollen and soft, and more like home every time.

—Alex Rosa

34.

A kiss on the beach when there is a full moon is the closest thing to heaven.

—H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

35.

I didn’t want to kiss you goodbye—that was the trouble—I wanted to kiss you good night—and there’s a lot of difference.

—Ernest Hemingway

36.

His mouth seizes mine. Consuming me. Devouring me. My body moves against his. Harder. Faster. Take me. Take all of me…

—Alexia Russell

37.

I prefer a kiss that is so much more than just a tongue in your mouth.

—Katherine Heigl

38.

The truth is, I always want to kiss you.

—Alex Rosa

39.

I was going to kiss him, and I was going to regret it. But at that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

—Michelle Hodkin

40.

Your love is not really love until you waste it, a kiss is never a kiss until you taste it…

—Munia Khan

41.

The lover steals a kiss. He incurs life imprisonment.

—Charles de Leusse

42.

Kiss me out of desire, but not consolation.

—Jeff Buckley

43.

It’s the kind of kiss that inspires stars to climb into the sky and light up the world.

—Tahereh Mafi

44.

Kissing—and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing – is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.

—Drew Barrymore

45.

Her lips touched his brain as they touched his lips, as though they were a vehicle of some vague speech and between them he felt an unknown and timid pressure, darker than the swoon of sin, softer than sound or odor.

—James Joyce

46.

And somehow, against all reason, we were kissing. I closed my eyes, and the world around me faded.

—Richelle Mead

47.

Boys always like to see girls kiss. I don’t get it; girls don’t want to see boys kiss.

—Dominique Swain

48.

Make me immortal with a kiss.

—Christopher Marlowe

49.

Unfortunately, I like to feel a little stubble when I kiss. Women are too soft.

—Malin Akerman

50.

One day you will kiss a man you can’t breathe without, and find that breath is of little consequence.

—Karen Marie Moning

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He died two days ago and I didn’t even know...

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

Loneliness... it strikes once again.

I’m Australian, it’s late, and as I lay in bed knowing a lot of the world is going about their day, I realise how lonely I really am. My housemates are snuggled up in bed together, my ex is enjoying a games night with my friends, my mum is bonking her boyfriend, my siblings all live close to each other in a different town, my dad is snuggled up on his girlfriends couch... and then there’s me, in my bed, physically and emotionally alone... how do I just ignore that shit?!?! I’m tired and my back injury is playing up and all I can do is think about the crippling loneliness...

I’m supposed to be getting stronger and more independent but I keep coming back to this moment...

Loneliness... please go away...

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To any suicidal followers I may have: This is a sign to not kill yourself. You are loved and the world is special because you are in it. Keep holding on.

Reblog this when it’s on your dash. You will save someone’s life.

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And that day is burned into my memory..

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Loneliness is evil

Just need someone to talk to... please talk to me...

Anyone???

[veteran-of-feelings-blog]

friends: im here if u ever need me

me: im too uncomfortable talking about my feelings and i constantly feel like a burden so ill never take you up on that but thanks