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What is he doing 😂

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At what point did she call him Daesung? So quick to deny something that wasn't even said 🤔

Oops. So much for #Iamnotdaesung

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Daesung D’splay has a new profile pic! 🐯

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Daesung has begun adding English subtitles to his YouTube videos 😊 (cr)

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Why is he like this omg , so precious

I am glad Daesung recognizes his peculiar habit of screaming like a pteranodon when he makes a mistake during drum practice and is able to see the humor in it and poke fun at himself for it.

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One thing over quarantine I did get to do was improve my digital art skills. I did these over winter break. I’m doing all of the memebrs but for now I just have Daesung and Jiyong finished!

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I bet the camera guy was obsessed with Daesung’s butt just like I do. 

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Daesung will make a perfect beast

by photographer Hong Jang Hyun

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Thanks for your long, detailed reply and the extra music list!. Not only that I love the Carnivores series, it is also an inspiration to me. And yes I listened to the playlist of Innocence and Instinct and immediately clicked with the album Gone. I am still listening to it.  “Of course, here I am saying all these things as if you didn’t just tell me you loved it… ” I actually share the same feelings with you to the current situation (probably less strong though). But, I found myself still enjoyed everything in Carnivores, even when S was there. idk, to me, it added a heart wrenching feeling (and I like it somehow) to the whole series. My imagination goes like, now perfect pack, then what, just to have it crushed, split. The fatal betrayal is looming, and they will have to crawl back through the hardest roads to each other, to the bonding. These thoughts make me even more emotionally attached to the pack and more committed to Dae. 

Some funny thoughts. The other day when I watched their 2015 Naver Countdown live, when it was Daesung’s turn to answer what kind of superpower he wanted, GD said, aren’t you already a werewolf? Then they were giggling over this seemingly inside joke. My immediate thought is, OMG they may have read Carnivores!! I know it is less likely because they were not very good with English, except for Youngbae (Youngbae read it!). Just kidding, but you never know how far your work have reached. 

Hello me again. Just finished all your work on AO3. Not sure if you want to hear feedbacks for the stories you wrote years ago. Feel free to ignore me if you have nothing to say. I love carnivores so much. It has its extremely dark and devastating moments, especially for Daesung, but nothing that cannot be re-built, nothing that cannot be worked through when he has his dearest pack. In the end, I enjoyed those dark, sometimes disturbing feelings with a heart full of reassurance and acceptance.

(Part2, sorry for getting this long) I even feel happy for him, because, in reality, few can have that kind of pack with which one can thrive. The only story that was hard for me is 28 days. It feels like to destroy the most beautiful, kind-hearted thing, just for the sake of whim, making him completely disposable. But your writing was, of course, still captivating. I wish another good era for bigbang and the fandom will come again, then many of you, so creative and enjoyable, can be back.

--

All of it? Wow. Well, I hope it kept you entertained for a while! I’ve had people tell me they read the whole thing in a weekend and I was like, how??? And of course I still love hearing feedback on my old fics! I’m always curious to know people’s thoughts & reactions to my writing. It’s been so long and comments are so scarce these days, it means a lot to me that you’ve taken the initiative to send me this.

So, Carnivores, eh? “Dark and devastating” is possibly my favorite description of the series to date, so thank you for that. You mentioned in a previous post that you found me through a playlist for Dreams Like Ashes (this one, I assume). By now I guess you know there’s one for Innocence and Instinct too. I was going to mention it before but wasn’t sure if you had made it that far in the series yet -- all the way to the end. And just because I can, I’m gonna repost the little graphic I made for it because even now, years later, I’m very fond of it...

Carnivores is still near and dear to me even though there are days when I can’t help thinking it feels... sullied? Tainted for sure. 2019 marred many things, for me, even my own works of fiction. People think I never cared about OT5? Read Carnivores, all 285,000 words of it, and you’ll change your mind. For someone like me who was so in love with the theme of found family, letting that go has been difficult beyond words.

I may not be actively writing at the moment but there is a part of me that still returns to that world from time to time.You could say I never really left it. Since 2018 I’ve been gradually piecing together additional playlists, music without words, piano and strings, as if the story was adapted for the screen and needed a soundtrack. One is for Innocence & Instinct, the other is simply called Misc Carnivores. Here’s some of it:

Yes, titles are important to me lol. Cape Cod I would retitle The Hunt if it were up to me. Even now, I listen to these playlists several times a week while working and wonder if the day will ever come when I put pen to paper (figuratively speaking) and continue their story. Because to be honest, I was never completely happy with the way it ended. For Seunghyun and Daesung, yes, but I can’t forget how I let myself be pressured by readers into working in some developments involving Seungri that I wasn’t really comfortable with. These loose ends I left untied and upcoming changes to the pack dynamic that I hinted at didn’t feel quite right back then, in mid 2018. Now, after the events of 2019, it feels deeply, disturbingly wrong, and it’s been hard to make peace with that. Well, at least I learned one thing from the experience: never again will I post a fic while it’s in progress and allow readers to influence the outcome!

Problem is, every time I give serious though to continuing Carnivores I’m faced with a tough question: would picking up the threads of their story ruin it? Or is it already in tatters? Would trying to salvage it only make it worse? Is there any hope of making it right? Because although it’s set in an alternate universe, in some ways the series has always taken inspiration from real life events involving BB. And just like the events of 2019, my plans for the guys if I come back with one more installment are not kind. (Though, just to be clear, it’s not all awful. Let’s just say the tension this time would not be between ToDae. That arc, that stage of their development, is complete.)

Anyway, just thinking out loud. I won’t be making any decisions until Big Bang moves and I see firsthand how they handle their recovery.

Of course, here I am saying all these things as if you didn’t just tell me you loved it...

Moving on!

“The only story that was hard for me is 28 days,” you say. 28 Days should be hard for you. It isn’t meant to be a pleasant read, quite the opposite in fact, it’s meant to make your heart hurt for him and it should leave you feeling a little scarred.

That said, I don’t really recall what exactly overtook me and compelled me to write that story aside from my morbid fascination with dark themes. It began with Daesung saying in a livestream promoting his dome tour in early 2017, “My fans have become dangerous lately. But I’m totally okay with it. I’d like it if they became even more dangerous.” And that swampy part of my brain that likes to put a dark spin on everything took over and told me in no uncertain terms that this was a story that was going to get written whether I liked it or not.

But I didn’t get to it right away. I was so busy keeping up with his dome tour promos that it took me a few months to get started, then another few to finish it. Aside from feeling a little guilty for putting fic!Daesung through such an ordeal, I barely remember the thought process throughout; what I do remember is trying out a new writing program that enabled me to divide the story into chapters for a change, rather than working with one long, continuous body of text in Word which can quickly become cumbersome. I couldn’t get the hang of it though and defaulted back to Word (and let me tell you, at over 100k words, I&I was a beast to manage).

“Making him completely disposable” -- It isn’t that the story lacks meaning or a message, it’s more that I wasn’t consciously thinking about it as I wrote it. Maybe think of it as a fictional commentary on the objectification and commoditization of idols and celebrities or something.

Thank you for reading! And please excuse my rambling, I put a lot of effort into my writing but don’t get many opportunities to talk about it, so when I do, what you get is... this. lol

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Bang! And the dirt is gone!

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people I love: Daesung

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shit daesung says #HappyDDay

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This melted my heart away. his soft hair, profile, so perfect. 

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these comments have me wheezing

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Daesung is so sweet