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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Meaningful Friendship

A/N: Hey guys. Just a heads up, this is NOT a Sebastian Stan x Reader story. I wrote this after I had finished with Our True Love a few months ago and had finally decided to post this now. This is more of my appreciation towards Sebastian Stan as an actor and human being. His amazing personality really inspired me to write this. So, I want to share this with you guys. I truly hope you enjoy it!

Warning(s): Discomfort, sweet, appreciation Word Count: 3,030

Disclaimer: There is a reference I made about a “crazy” fan and it is not meant to offend anyone. I have heard stories from different celebrities about their crazy fans and what not, so I thought I could just write it here for the bit of thrill. Please do not think that I am bashing on anyone if they show their love and support for Sebastian in such a way. You are entitled to your own opinions and thoughts. I just want to remind you that this is fictional and meant to be for the bit of drama. Nothing more. Thank you and enjoy!

★ ★ ★

I dash through the crowd of people in the streets. I look at the watch on my wrist. 9:35AM. Shit. I was so late. Sebastian had already texted me that he arrived at around 8:39AM.

I stumble into Starbucks after my satchel got caught on the door handle. I can feel eyes staring right at me from inside the shop. So much for major embarrassment.

I attempt to ignore their stares and look through the faces to find Sebastian’s. Sure enough, there he was, sitting in one of the small couches in a corner of the shop. He is wearing reflective sunglasses and a navy blue sweater. He didn’t seem to notice me yet.

“Bassy! I’m so sorry! I had to run extra errands.” I say regretfully as I sit down in front of him. I sink into the couch, trying to catch my breath. Sebastian looks at me surprised.

“Y/N! Oh no. It’s okay.” He says kindly. Such a sweetheart. I take a deep breath before sitting up straight. He takes the shades off and let them hang on the neck of his sweater.

“So, how have you been?” I ask while setting my satchel down next to the table. Sebastian brushes through his blonde hair while taking a sip of the cappuccino.

“It’s been good. I’m getting some rest after filming. Then I’ll be back on set next week.” He answers while resting his back at the back of the couch. He crosses his arms over his chest. I forgot how handsome this guy really was, especially with that pose of his.

“Sweet! I can’t wait. I’m sure Bucky Barnes is greatly anticipated once again after Civil War.” I nudge him. He laughs quietly.

“I’m filming another movie actually. The one I told you about. ‘I’m Not Here’.” He answers stirring his cup. I slap my forehead.

“Of course! Silly of me. Explains the blonde hair.” I say while laughing.

“Anyways, I wanted to see you. It’s been a while since we last saw each other with your busy schedule and what not.” I continue. Sebastian gives me a sweet chuckle.

“Yeah. It has been a while. I assume now you understand that being an actor is not that easy, huh?” He asks, lacing his fingers together in front of him. I slump further into the couch. I nod.

I started off as his fan. Sebastian came to my university to watch a play my club had written. He was intrigued by it and went back stage to meet us. He was so impressed by my character that he said he wants to help me succeed in the cinematic world in the future. I think I screamed in excitement all the way back home that day. What are the odds that your celebrity crush came up to you and said that they like what you’ve done? I swear, I was more than happy.

We became friends after that point. Even with Sebastian’s success and involvements in many different movies and shows, he never forgot about me.

“Uh-huh. But I love it nonetheless. The thrill of being another person and have a different life is quite satisfying. Of course, I’m starting slow.” I say while fishing my phone out of my satchel.

“Oh hey! How’s things with Margarita?” I ask. Sebastian’s face shows little tints of red before his smile widens.

“Great. We are doing wonderful really. She’s out filming today.” He answers happily. He’s literally like a Golden Retriever puppy. Especially with that blonde hair of his now.

“Awwh, look at you. Getting all shy just talking about her.” I tease his reddening face.

“Oh gosh. Like you wouldn’t if you talk about your boyfriend.” He teases back. I laugh.

“If I had one. Hey, so after this should we go take a walk around if you have nothing else to do?” I ask while unlocking my phone to check my messages. 5 messages, but none from the person I want to hear. Sebastian is about to reply when we heard a voice.

“Excuse me.”

I turn to look over at the voice. Sebastian looks up at the girl standing next to his couch.

“Do you happen to be Sebastian Stan?” The girl asks hesitantly. Ah. A fan. Sebastian smiles at her.

“Yes I am.” He answers cheerfully. The girl lets out an excited yelp. I can feel eyes staring at us again.

“I’m a huge fan! I love you as Mad Hatter in Once Upon a Time. You were so perfect!” The girl says while stepping even closer to Sebastian. He laughs and thanks the girl for her support.

“I have posters of you plastered all around my room. Even all of my items in my room is covered in your face. I even printed your picture on my bed sheets so it feels like I’m sleeping with you! I am crazy in love with you. I think of you as my boyfriend, really!” The girl says again with such an excited tone. I don’t even know if this girl knows that I am here. But the things she said made me a tad bit uncomfortable.

“Ah. That’s really cool.” Sebastian answers, still keeping a kind smile on his face. Amazing. Truly. How is he still smiling after what she said?

“I was wondering if you’d like to come and see them at my home.” I blink. That’s worrying.

“That’s very sweet of you, but I have a meeting with a friend right now.” He says while still keeping on that smile. The girl pouts.

“Please? It will only be for a few hours! I’d like you to meet my parents as well! They also want to meet my boyfriend!” The girl grabs Sebastian’s arm. He didn’t jerk away, but I can see the discomfort in his eyes. Alarms are blaring through my head now. I need to save Sebastian from this.

“Excuse me, but we have work to attend to now. Sebastian, shall we?” I say picking up my satchel. Sebastian looks over at me and nods silently.

“Sorry. I do really have to go now.” Sebastian says while trying to pull his arm away from her. But she had a good grip on him.

“Please! I promise, an hour then!” She insists again. I stand up, wedging myself between the girl and Sebastian. It surprised her enough to loosen her grip on him. I grab Sebastian’s hand immediately and lead him out of there as quick as I can.

“Wait! Sebastian, please!” The girl runs through. She bumps into a man, causing him to spill his drink. I pull Sebastian out of the shop and right into the crowded street while still holding his hand. My heart is beating fast. That was rather unpleasant.

“Thanks, Y/N.” He finally says after we are at a safe distance from the shop. I never knew that there can be genuine crazy fans like her. Yes, fantasies and jokes are fine, but to the point of believing that your celebrity crushes are your actual real life lovers is a little too much.

His hand is shaking in mine. I look at him, feeling sorry for him. The price to pay for being known in the entertainment world. I let his hand free while slowing down our pace.

“That was really something else.” I say. He is hugging his body, walking quietly next to me. I look up at him before wrapping my arm around his. He looks down at me.

“Come, Bassy. Let’s get you out of those troubling thoughts. I know! Let’s go to a museum!” I say while stepping out towards the street for a taxi. Sebastian keeps close behind me.

“Where are we going?” I grin at him.

“You’ll see.”

We walk side by side, watching in awe at the rockets exhibited on the ceiling of the museum. We follow the tour at the back of the crowd, taking our own time at admiring the beautifully designed walls and exhibits. The scene matching exactly that of an outer space.

Sebastian’s eyes are glimmering like the stars themselves. But I know, at the back of his mind, he is still thinking about that girl just now. He won’t forget that event all too easily. I stop at the glass box where it shows a sample of rocks from Mars, only that they were replicas. It looked real enough though, I suppose.

“You just know I’m a geek for these things, huh?” He says. I look up at him, smiling.

“Yeah, well you are a geek. Period.” I say back, looking around the place. Amazing at how much effort they put into these things, really. I check my phone again for the message. Nothing.

Sebastian listens carefully to the tour guide as he explains the space suits arranged next to each other in a large glass box. I nudge him a little.

“I bet you know all about that from ‘Martian’, huh?” I tease. He chuckles.

“More or less. I know enough. I have been interested in space ever since I was a child, anyways.” He answers.

“No wonder you like to stare off into one.” I joke. He looks at me confused.

“Cause, you know, you like space. Stare off into spa— Ach, you’re ruining my joke, Bassy!” I yell at him quietly. He blinks before letting out a hearty laugh.

“You’re never good at making jokes.” He pets my head. I turn away embarrassed.

“Don’t pull that face, Y/N!” He says while pulling me into a quick hug. I laugh before shoving him aside playfully. Sometimes, Sebastian makes me feel like his little sister.

I smile, watching him continue to observe the rockets on the ceiling. He is a wonderful person after all. Not many actors are as kind and sweet as he can be. Sebastian is truly one and only.

“What does your therapist say?” I ask while kicking another dried leaf out of the way. Sebastian slides his hands in his pocket after adjusting his shades.

“He said to always destress. To not be afraid to share with others how I feel at times.” He answers quietly. I look up at him.

“Well, do you agree?” I ask. Sebastian lets out a sigh.

“He’s the expert. I suppose he is right. I can handle most of my problems by myself, really. No big deal.” He says. I furrow my eyebrows before giving his arm a light punch. He looks at me surprised.

“I know you are a tough and cool guy who seems to always be cheerful and optimistic. But shed that outer layer around people you trust. If something is troubling you, then talk about it. Margarita is there for you, no?” I say. He blinks before rubbing the spot on his arm where I punched.

“I’m sorry, did that hurt?” I ask, feeling guilty now. He smiles and shakes his head.

“No. I do talk about different things with her. It’s embarrassing to even cry in front of her sometimes. But filming can be very stressful. Especially when you play characters who had some tragic history.” He answers truthfully. I smile.

“Well the reason why you are able to play them well is because you channel a lot of yourself in them. Only that, you need to remember to separate yourself from these characters. You may be Jefferson, Lance, Will, Bucky or others, but you are still the one and only Sebastian Stan. Remember that.” I say, kicking up another dried leaf into the air. He remains quiet for a moment.

“Right.”

I gasp when I see a small kitten hiding underneath the bench. I yelp.

“Bassy look! A kitten!” I say pointing at it. I try to approach it but it scurries away. I pout, but then I remembered back to what we were talking about. Ugh, I get distracted too easily. When I look back at him, I see a very sweet smile.

“You scared it away with your enthusiasm.” He says while laughing. I blush slightly. I smile at him before petting his shoulders.

“Remember what I said, Sebastian. You can rely on others too. Even me if you want. Don’t worry about others looking down on you if you end up showing them how you feel. They really won’t because they still think you as the cheerful and funny Sebastian Stan no matter what!” I say while spreading my arms open. He laughs.

“All right, mom.” He jokes. I blush before clearing my throat.

“You’re leaving me hanging man.” I say, waiting for him to accept my hug. He laughs again before wrapping his arms around me, giving me a solid hug.

“Thanks, Y/N.”

My phone vibrates in my satchel as we finish up lunch at Subway. I quickly go and check it. I smile happily.

“Mission complete. Bring our Martian home.”

“Who is it?” He asks while crumpling up the papers together.

“Oh, just my boss wanting to know where I am.” I lie while putting the phone away. I finish off the drink in the cup.

“Say, Bassy. Remember that sweater I lend to Margarita? I was wondering if I can go and pick it up from your apartment. I need it for filming on Monday.” I ask, watching him while still sipping on my drink. Sebastian nods.

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” He says while getting up. We called a taxi over and head straight for his apartment.

“Thanks for today. I had fun, Y/N.” Sebastian says while looking at me. I give him a childish grin.

“Of course! I wanted to see you! It’s been a while. We should find another time to hang out. Next time if I have a boyfriend, we should have a double date.” I say cheerfully. Sebastian laughs.

“Sounds like a good plan.”

We reach up to the floor of his apartment. I text someone on my phone.

“Martian is arriving in T-minus 2 minutes.”

As he approaches the door of his apartment. I grab his arm.

“Bassy, wait.” I say. He looks back at me. I reach into the satchel and give him the wrapped up package I had in there. He looks at me surprised.

“What’s this for?” He asks curiously.

“Happy birthday, geek.” I say cheerfully. Did that made his face light up.

“You remembered?” He says, eyes sparkling. I nod before punching his arm gently again.

“Of course! How can I forget?” I laugh while pushing him to the front of his door. “Open it when you get inside!” I say. He laughs and opens the door with his keys.

When he entered, there was a flash of light followed by a rain of confetti.

“SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SEBASTIAN!” A group of people yell from inside of his apartment. A music starts to play followed by laughter. Sebastian had backed away in shock from the sudden surprise before laughing.

Margarita runs over towards him and give him a sweet loving kiss. He returns it back happily before looking around.

“I thought you were out!” Sebastian says looking at her. She giggles.

“I wouldn’t leave my boyfriend alone on his birthday!” She answers back.

“Madame, the Martian has been delivered with success.” I say teasingly.

“Thank you, Odyssey. Your mission is complete!” Margarita answers back, saluting at me playfully.

“You knew about this?” Sebastian asks blinking. Margarita and I exchange hugs before giving him childish smiles. She leads him inside of the apartment to greet others that came.

I stand outside on the balcony to get some air. It has been a tiring day today, but I’m glad it went good. The night is creeping up slowly. I should probably get home soon.

Sebastian leans on the railings next to me, catching me by surprise. I smile at him before punching his arm again. He chuckles.

“Thank you again for today, Y/N.” He starts saying while looking up at the emerging stars.

“Of course. I did want to meet you. When Margarita said she needed someone to help take you out, I stepped in immediately. I wanted to spend the day with you.” I say before taking a sip from the soda can.

“I’m glad you did. Even though we aren’t that close, you still care about me very much.” He says keeping his eyes at the sky. It is true. I do care about Sebastian very much. More than a mere friend.

“Of course, Bassy. That’s what friends are for. Besides, you’re an inspiration for a lot of people. Your charm, kindness and sweetness always leave a mark in people’s lives. Not to mention your drop dead handsome looks too.” I wink at him, finishing the can of soda. He chuckles.

“Well, I appreciate everything you have helped me with.” I shake my head.

“You’re giving me too much credit. Save some for yourself.” I smile before looking back inside.

“Come on. You don’t want to miss your birthday party, right?” I say, leading him back inside to the party.

It still feels odd to be friends with Sebastian, thinking that he is the object of a lot of people’s desire out there. Even mine at one point. But, after meeting him in person and discovering more about the different sides to him, I start to think differently of him. Mostly out of respect for him.

Even if my fantasies were of him and me together, I am completely content of being a friend for him. Being there for him to vent out any frustrations he has, to give him gifts on his special days, to share laughter with him, to congratulate him on all of his successes and many others.

The man is both unique on the inside and outside, who will smile even for the craziest fans out there. Someone who accepts people with an open heart and open mind. Someone who knows how to appreciate every kind of support given to him. Someone who understands the importance of humour in everyday life. Someone who doesn’t hesitate in providing the right help for anyone who asks him. Someone who is very charming and sweet. And many other wonderful qualities.

That someone is Sebastian Stan.

★ ★ ★

A/N: Annnnddd, that’s it! I hope you guys enjoy this one shot. I know it’s not a Sebastian Stan x Reader pairing, but I promise you, I have one in the process of being written now, so hang tight for that next week (hopefully). I am going to be travelling once again so my schedule will be all over the place, but I will continue to try and post as soon as I can.

I know a lot of you guys share this kind of view of how much Sebastian Stan is truly an amazing human being. I just want to write it out since I haven’t seen much of these kinds of one shots of purely appreciation for the actor. I know they are out there, I just haven’t read them. But yeah.

Please like and reblog if you’d like and think my story is worthy of either. I appreciate every single of your support and it means the world to me. Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

~~~

P/S: I am close to reaching 500 followers (WHHAATT??? *author’s mind is blown*) so I want to say thank you so much to each and every one of you for the lovely support and I do hope I continue to amaze you with my stories. <3

If we reach to 500 followers, I will ask for your opinions on what kind of one shot would you like to read as a celebration. Tragedy, action, pure romance, maybe smut? Either way, we shall wait for that day to come first before I put the post out asking for what kind of one shot you guys would like.

Okay, I babble too much. Sorry and have a cookie as my appreciation of you reading all the way down here. 🍪

Tag(s): @shamvictoria11 @munsureiya @ninjayjumper @elaacreditava

#sebastian stan #oneshot #reader

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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In three days I finished Memories of Us and started and finished Our True Love. I loved each second of both, it was so pure, so beautiful. Showed me that if we have patience and love we can get what belong to us and will happen when have to happen in the most amazing way. I love to feel good after reading a story and both of yours warmed my heart in an indescribable way. Thank you so much ❤ but I have to say that I was expecting a baby in the end of OTL so tag me please when there's a sequel :*

Awh! This is so sweet. <3 Thank you very much for reading my story and taking away something from it. I honestly love to add a little bit of life lesson into my stories because it gives me a reminder that everything happens for a reason. To have the patience to deal with the faults in others and yourself because you know no one is perfect. Thank you so much for reading my stories. I hope I continue to interest you in my future stories. And no worries, the sequel to OTL is well underway. But I will be posting a couple of one shots before I post the sequel. Thank you again for reading my stories and liking/reblogging them. I can’t tell you how much seeing people liking to read them makes my day.

Even to the point of putting such an idiotic smile on my face. Hehehe. Much love! <3

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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MEMORIES OF US IS THE BEST FIC !!! IM SO GLAD I READ IT AND IM THANKFUL FOR YOU AS YOU WRITE THE STORY ✨✨ LOVE IT MY DEAR

I’m so happy to know that you consider my story that way. <3 I really appreciate it so much. <3 I tried my best. Hopefully, I can continue to produce stories that are just as good. Thank you so much for reading my stories. Much love. <3

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Memories of Us - Masterlist

BUCKY BARNES x READER

Summary: Soldier Reader looks exactly like Linda, a woman Bucky used to love. Little by little, she uncovers his past with Linda and what had happened between them through her visions. As she does, her feelings for Bucky grew as well. But, one question remains: if Bucky returns her feelings, will it be for Reader or for Linda?

Chapter 01

Chapter 02

Chapter 03

Chapter 04

Chapter 05

Chapter 06

Chapter 07

Chapter 08

Chapter 09

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Final Chapter

#memories of us #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #masterlist

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Our True Love - Masterlist

BUCKY BARNES x READER

Summary: Reader and Bucky doesn’t get along well after his marriage to Rosaline. Will her friendship with Bucky last or will they crumble and fade?

(SEQUEL PENDING)

Chapter 01

Chapter 02

Chapter 03

Chapter 04

Chapter 05

Chapter 06

Chapter 07

Chapter 08

Chapter 09

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Bonus Chapter

#our true love #otl #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #masterlist

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Memories of Us - Final Chapter

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know! Thank you so much for reading! <3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): None Word Count: 2,065

<< Previous Chapter ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

2 years later

“Three more minutes!” I yell at my team as they run back and forth in the gymnasium. As the timer beeps, they all slow their pace down and walk around while stretching out. Their heavy breaths fill up the silence along with the squeaks of their sneakers.

“Man, what a workout.” Horace says as he lies down on the ground. I blow on the whistle.

“Ten push-ups, Horace!” I yell at him. He lets out a groan and immediately does it. The rest continues on their stretching. I told them that they need to stretch out and cool down before resting after the run.

“Damn, Captain. You’ve been even stricter on our routine lately.” Bella says between each breath. I could only smile at them before folding my arms over my chest.

“Well, with me still recovering, I have to give my team the toughest workout so you can do well on your missions out there.” I say, watching them. I give the signal for them to finally rest. They all immediately flop down to the ground. I stifle a laughter at their sighs. I look at the watch: 7PM.

“All right, team. That’s all for tonight. Get some rest and the day off tomorrow. Good work, today.” I say while clapping. They all gave their tired salutes as I make my way out of the room.

I walk into my gear room to put away my training equipment. As I was finishing up, I feel a pair of arms circle themselves around my waist. I jump at the sensation but knew who it was immediately from the glint in his metal arm.

“Missed me?” His low and sweet voice purrs in my ear. It made my heart flutter with excitement, but I hide it away. I only stayed still and smile.

“Barely.” I lied, anticipating a cute reaction out of him. Bucky’s chuckle was warm against my neck. It’s making my stomach quiver with delight.

Bucky turns me around and pulls me into a kiss. His lips were dry and a little chapped, but soft and warm, regardless. I return the kiss happily before we pull away slowly.

“Now tell me that you ‘barely’ miss me.” He says with a grin. I chuckle and shove him playfully.

“Of course I missed you, idiot.” I admit before giving him a peck on his cheek.

“Aaayyy! Anyone wants to have a shot with me?!” Tony yells and stumbles on his steps as he approaches Rhodey, who was struggling to keep his friend up. I could only chuckle at the sight.

“So, this is what the Avengers are like?” Jeremy asks, looking down at me. I could only smile.

“Only when they have the day off.” I say, sipping the drink. I look around, hoping to find Bucky, but he is nowhere to be seen. Steve pulled him away from me the second we stepped in. It’s only fair. Steve hasn’t seen his best friend in over two weeks and I had five hours to spend with him earlier.

“I can imagine it gets even crazier when most of the guests leave.” He jokes as he drinks the wine. I shrug.

“Never liked parties, so I only stay for about two hours max for one.” I say, keeping my eyes peeled around for him.

“You really like him.” He says. I feel my cheeks flush before looking up at him.

“Which is good. Because you do need that date to go with for my wedding.” He winks at me. I laugh and punch his arm lightly.

“I could have gone solo too, dork. You know that.” I say. He shrugs.

“More fun with a date. You’ve been dating each other haven’t you?” I blush again but hide it away by looking at Tony.

“Dating isn’t the right term.” I say, a little shy. Jeremy chuckles.

“Is the idea of love still foreign to you, Triple C?” He asks, nudging me. I sigh out.

“It’s not that. He’s more than a friend, that’s for sure, but it feels odd to call him my boyfriend. It’s just, doesn’t feel like that. We’re more serious than just that.” I say. Jeremy chuckles and shrugs.

“Marry him then.” My heart jumps and my stomach twists at the mention of the word. I nudge him a little too hard. My face had gone completely red.

“If boyfriend doesn’t suit you, I’m sure husband would.” He laughs. I give him yet another punch on his arm.

“Too early, dumbass.” I say, hiding away my reddened face with the glass. Which is miserably failing to hide my embarrassment away.

“Just know that you love him and he loves you, and that’s all you need. The feelings are what matters the most. Not so much the term you use to describe him.” He says. I sigh out, keeping my eyes out for him. I smile a little.

I do love him and I know he loves me. Maybe knowing that is already enough to know that our relationship is real.

Simon climbs onto my lap before sitting himself comfortably. He tucks his head into my stomach and closes his eyes. This is how he takes his naps ever since I left the hospital. Just silently strides over to me, tucks his head in and sleeps. It would be during this time that I also would take that nap with him.

Emily smiles down at him and strokes through his hair gently.

“I think he senses his father a lot in you. Which is why he loves to take naps on you.” She says, watching her son finally falling asleep.

“That or I’ve put enough weight on to mimic Mike’s stomach.” I jokingly say. I run a finger through his cheek once and he twitches a little. I smile. What an adorable little angel.

“It’s a miracle that you survived the incident, Y/N. I don’t think I would have handled the thought of losing you too.” She says, shifting her attention up to me.

“One and a half year. Took me that long to even just walk. And you’re right, it was a miracle. I think it’s the thick snow and the hill that saved me. It broke my fall.” I say while sighing out. She smiles.

“Well, maybe Linda also helped.” She says. I look up at her.

“Maybe ending one life to save another was one of the ways you survived.” Emily says, her tone of voice clearly guessing. I could only smile and shrug.

“No one knows. All I know is that, I’m hard to kill.” I say a little jokingly.

“Which is good. Because everyone needs you here.” Emily says, brushing her fingers through my hair. I felt a little sense of comfort in that gesture. I look down to little Simon sleeping in my arms and smile.

“I don’t plan on leaving my family. I will do anything to keep them away from harm. I promise. I’m here to stay.”

“...if there’s one thing I learned about in life, is to never stop moving forward. Regrets in the past will always drag me down, but I have to find the strength within to push past that and move forward. Because everything that happened, happened for a reason. And that reason, will make my life better than it has before down the road. And my reason, is my Patricia. My sweet Patricia.”

I read the text out loud. I run my fingers through the old ink on the page, feeling the texture of it. Bucky reaches over and holds mine in his. I look up at him to find him smiling.

“That was the last entry.” I say, closing the journal gently and keeping my hand still in his gentle grip. Bucky picks the journal up carefully and smiles to himself.

“She was always special. Recounting every moments with precision and details. It’s almost like I was back in WW2 again with every single of her stories then.” He says with either pain or happiness, I don’t know.

“That’s just her first journal. She had another one for her life after Patricia.” I say as I run my fingers over the cover.

“She told me to forgive myself that day. To find a life for myself and stop fighting. She reminded me that I was just a human being too.” Bucky says quietly, still keeping our hands locked tight. I lift it up to leave a soft kiss on the back of his hand. I smile up at him.

“She’s right. You’ve spent decades fighting. Now that you have control again, live the life you wanted outside of fighting.” I say, pulling his face towards mine.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever find a normal life anymore…” He trails off while moving his hand up to my cheek. His thumb brushes against it gently before pulling me in to lock our lips. He pulls away momentarily before smiling.

“…but I don’t think I would have any other chance than to try have one with you right now.” He says. My heart melts and my body shivers to his statement. I kiss him once again, touched at what he said.

He returns the kiss and pulls me in tightly against him. I did the same, not wanting to let him slip through me. We break away and rest our forehead against each other’s. It was such a calm feeling to be in his arms like this.

“Linda would be proud of you.” I say quietly. Bucky looks down at me.

“To choose life.” I say quietly, bringing his hand to my face. I nuzzle into his palm, feeling the curves of his hand. He looks at me and brushes his thumb over my cheek.

“Proud of us, I believe.” He says to me. I look at him surprised at his response.

“You too were just like me. She saw that within you. I suppose in a way, she both made us see the importance in life and its benefits.” He says while looking down at my hand. His finger just absentmindedly brush over my ring finger.

I didn’t think about that. I only that she wanted to be with Bucky and help him. But maybe her living within me had made her see what kind of person I am. True, before I met Bucky, I was dedicated in serving my country. Nothing else mattered to me. Not even love. I wasn’t even thinking about that. Even when Mike got married, I was still far from wanting the idea of love to be within my dictionary.

And now, I’m sitting here, in the arms of the man that I have fallen in love with.

“Did she just set us up intentionally because of how similar we were?” I question him. He laughs and shrugs.

“Who knows? All I know was that I had fallen in love with you. I had mixed feelings, yes, but in the end, I knew that the one I was falling in love with was you, and not Linda.” He says. I raise an eyebrow. I know it makes sense in his head, but to me, it doesn’t. He must’ve caught my expression.

“What I mean to say is that, despite your physical similarity to her, your personalities differ in quite extreme levels. Even though I would sometimes see her in you when we talked back then, but you always stood out to me more than Linda did. Before I knew it, my crumbled heart had grown back little by little with each of our encounters.” He says, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear.

I smile and let out a small content sigh.

“I suppose you also helped turn the tables around for me too. I never thought I’d find love, but here we are.” I say quietly. He lifts up my face and pecks me softly on my lips.

“Here we are.” He repeats. I chuckle and give him another kiss.

“If anything, I’m glad that she brought us together.” I say, looking up at him. He nods in agreement and pulls into another embrace.

“And we will create new memories together. Memories that are purely us and no one else’s.” He says, keeping me close. I close my eyes, feeling happy and content with his statement.

“Memories of us.”

★ ★ ★

A/N: And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our series, Memories of Us! I’m aware that the ending is not strong as I had hoped, but it was what I struggled with the most. In the end, I combined all of the different ones I typed up and put it into this one instead. I hope, despite its flaws, you still find joy in them, fellow readers.

I would like to say a million thank yous to all of you who have been reading, liking or reblogging my chapters. It means so much to me to know that there are people enjoying my works. And thank you so much for those who have approached me about my errors and what not. I really appreciate them.

You all have helped me out in one way or another, and I really can’t say thank you enough. By the time I posted this last chapter, I gained about 440 followers. Which is insane. I never thought I would gain this much followers. And I can’t say thank you enough for each and every one of you.

I love you all to pieces and thank you so much for the support you have given me. I promise you, I will keep on posting stories. I may be late more often than not, but I will never forget about you guys. Thank you so much again. <3

Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

Tag(s): @shamvictoria11 @munsurieya @inumorph @38leticia @anbrax5553 @queenayles @inspirevato @zxcorra @assgardstark @soymikael @summeralexander @ninjayjumper @buckybarnesbestbabe @elaacreditava @tchillx @find-the-new-adventure-barryc @davros-2004

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #the winter soldier #captain america #captain america fanfiction #memories of us #mou

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

Text

Memories of Us - Chapter 20

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know! Thank you so much for reading! <3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): Flashbacks Word Count: 4,055

<< Previous Chapter ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

The birds are chirping, the day is bright and the smell of cinnamon bun is wonderful. The small laughter from the living room gives some of the joyful environment around this place.

For days I spent awake in this nursing home, staring into the open field from my window. When night comes, stars would replace the blue skies. I can’t complain much. They gave me the best room there is in this whole place.

I smile down to myself, enjoying the same view over and over again. I can never get bored of this. But it’s a little too cold in this big empty room.

“Hey, Mother.” Patricia’s gentle voice made me turn to look at her.

“Grandmama!!” Elaine, my youngest granddaughter comes over to my bed and immediately jumps up on it.

“Grandmama! Look! I drew a picture of a tree at night!” She says enthusiastically. I reach over to look at her drawing. It cracked a smile.

“It’s beautiful, Elaine.” I say, brushing my fingers over the paper. The pencil colour was all over the place, but I can still see the image.

“It’s for you, Grandmama. You can keep it.” She says with a wide smile. Such a cheerful kid. I reach down to pet her head.

“Thank you, darling.” I say. Elaine smiles before running off to get her brother, Ferris.

“Show her what you made, Ferris!” Elaine asks, shoving her brother to show me a drawing he made. He shyly holds it up to me. It was a picture of a plane with a dog piloting it. I chuckle at the drawing.

“It’s wonderful, dear. You have a creative imagination.” I say, encouraging him. It managed to bring out a shy smile out of him.

“Thank you, Grandmama.” He says softly. I reach down to pet his head as well.

“Mother.” I hear Felippe, Patricia’s husband, call out to me. I look over at him and smile.

“How are you doing?” He asks, approaching the bed. I give him a weak smile.

“As well as I can be.” I say, looking down at the beige bed sheets with a patterned quilt blanketed over me. He gives me a smile.

“Oh! Mom. Look what I found.” She says, reaching into her bag. She holds up an old green book that seems to be worn out. It took me a bit, but it finally came back to me. And it brought me joy. Even in my aching body, I can still muster up a smile.

“You… You found my journal.” I reach for it carefully. Patricia hands it over gently towards me. The familiar feeling of the cover page underneath my fingertips sent my emotions swirling around.

“Would you like to read it?” She asks, running her own fingertips on the binding. It is so fragile, that I’m almost afraid to even just open the cover. I smile down at it, shaking my head.

I know the contents. I remember most of them. If I read it, it might make me too emotional. And I’m too tired to even feel that way anymore.

“It’s an old thing now. There’s not much use to it.” I say. It’s a lie though. It holds every single memory of my life before and during the war. With only a few of the life after. I wrote in a whole new book after Patricia was born.

“I’ll keep it anyways. I’m sure it’ll be of a use in the future.” She says a little too enthusiastically. I chuckle at her little attitude.

“Who would want to read such an old thing? A life of a woman as her father’s secretary during the war is not as exciting.” I say to her, watching her wrap the book back in a brown parchment before placing it into her bag.

“That’s not true, Mother. I’ve always listened in with Rufus when you told me stories about your past.” She says, brushing my hair with her hands gently. I close my eyes, relaxing to her touch. It’s comforting to feel her hands.

“Yes, well, you were children then. You’d be intrigued by anything then.”

“Mother.”

I chuckle and open my eyes to look at my daughter’s face.

The little girl I raised is now a woman. With a husband and children of her own. She seems to be happy. And nothing makes me happier.

“No! Get your own, Ferris!!” I hear Elaine yelling at her brother.

“Kids. Kids.” Felippe says, prying them both away.

I smile at them.

“Life with siblings. It is quite the fun.” I say to myself, looking up at the ceiling.

“Yeah, you live with your best friend. And also your worst enemy.” Patricia whispers the last bit. I chuckle to myself while looking at her.

“I’m sorry I never gave you a brother or sister of your own.” I say a little guiltily. Patricia manages a laughter, which both surprised me and relieved me.

“Are you joking, Mother? What about Rufus? He was there pretty much my whole life. He’s like my older brother.” Patricia says. Ferris runs over to her and leaned himself onto her lap. She strokes his hair lovingly as he nuzzles his face into her lap. I couldn’t help but reach over to stroke his hair.

“Grandmama! I want to be pet too!” Elaine runs over and leans herself onto my bed. I manage another chuckle and stroke her hair just as lovingly.

I had forgotten about the joy of having children. Patricia had grown up to be a wonderful woman. And I’ve been so focused on raising her to be a decent woman than actually enjoying the moment within.

A knock on the door.

“Mr. and Mrs. Rodriguez. Visiting time is up.” The staff tells them softly. Patricia nods and looks over at Felippe.

“Can you take them to the car? Say bye to Grandmama, Ferris, Elaine.” Patricia says while ushering them towards me. Elaine climbs up to leave me a peck on my cheek while Ferris gave me a sweet little hug.

“I’ll meet you in the car.” She says to them.

“Bye bye, Grandmama!” The kids say together at the same time.

Felippe says his goodbye and went on with the kids. I watch them leave the room; their little smiles carved within my own mind. Patricia adjusted the covers over my body before stroking my hair and watching me.

“Will you be okay, Mother?” She asks, hand never stopping to gently stroke my hair. I nod, looking up at her.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” She plants a soft kiss on my forehead before picking up her hand bag. I watch her walk away, but I really didn’t want her to. At least not until I say this.

“Patricia.” I call out to her. She stops and turns to look at me.

“I’m sorry, if I was never the mother you had hoped for me to be.” I say quietly, watching her. Her face turns into sorrow as she walks back over to me.

“Mother, you were everything that a person needed to be. You raised me well. And I wouldn’t be this happy, if it weren’t for you.” She says, sitting back down to stroke the top of my hair. Tears were welling up in my eyes as I watch her look at me lovingly.

“I am proud of what you have become, Patricia. And I wouldn’t ask for anything better in this world, than to call you my own daughter.” Tears were starting to spill from her eyes as well. My shaky hand reaches up to wipe them away. She holds my hand close to her face and sniffles.

We both shed tears for a moment in silence. She takes a deep breath before mustering up a smile.

“And there is no better mother in this world, than the one that gave birth to me.” She says shakily before leaning down to give me a hug. I held her as tight as I could. She wipes my tears away and I slowly give her a loving kiss on her forehead. I smile at her.

“Stay strong as you already are.”

“I will, Mother.” She nods.

“I will see you soon, my daughter.” I give her a smile. Patricia smiles and held tight onto my hands before kissing them. She gets up, looks at me one more time before smiling at me.

When the door shuts close, I rest myself back onto the bed. The drying tears on my face is starting to harden. I wipe them once again before shifting my head over to the window.

The sun is setting and I can see the stars starting to show up. The lights turn on outside, but it wasn’t enough to disrupt the billions of glimmering dots on the sky. I smile to myself and take a deep breath.

The smell of cinnamon bun still very much present in this room.

My mind lingers around old memories from the past. From my childhood to this very moment. All had been memorable in their own ways and I had learned my lessons through each mistakes I’ve made.

All of the places I visited. All of the people I’ve met. All of the experiences I had. Everything, had meanings behind them. My mind slowly turns back to the ones I had with Bucky. From the blue of his eyes to the humour he possessed, he was all too perfect.

I miss him. I miss Steve. I miss Peggy.

But then, my mind turns to the memory of my own family. Patricia. My very own Patricia. Her husband and her two children. They are beautiful. Their smiling faces, their laughter, their kindness: all are the very reasons I had go on this long. My very own family.

With that very last though, I close my eyes.

The room felt even warmer than it did before.

• • •

Vibrations and footsteps rendered me awake.

My eyes flutter open. I move them around so I could register where I was. A hallway. An approaching footstep followed by someone passing right by me made me sit up. I look at the familiar uniform before turning around to look at the other way.

I stand up slowly and looked around. People don’t seem to notice that I exist. I look down at myself. I’m wearing that combat suit for a mission. I close my eyes, trying to remember what happened. The last memory I had was just white and coldness. But why?

I start making my way down the hallway. I look into each room to see if I can find anything or anyone that can help me out. When I turn the corner, I find myself in the labour ward.

This scene is familiar to me. Wasn’t this the ward I was born in?

I look at the clock above and the date. It is the exact time of my birth. I close my eyes, feeling my head spin from confusion. There must be a mistake, right? The clock must’ve been set wrong by the staff.

With my head spinning like a top, my senses starts to heighten, all of the sudden I can hear and feel everything. The screaming of babies, the crying of mothers, the yelling of doctors and the metal beds shaking. I can hear them loud in my head and I feel as though it is about to burst.

But suddenly, everything stopped at once, leaving only a single noise.

A crying baby.

I open my eyes and look over at where the noise comes from. I was drawn to it. I walk over to the room where the baby was crying from. When I walked in, I stop. My father, standing right there, holding a crying baby in his arms. I look down to see my mother, sweaty and bloody from giving birth. I watch them, near tears, looking down at the child in their arms.

I approach their bed slowly, watching my father cradle the baby in his arms. He smiles down at my mother, showing true happiness like I’ve never seen before. It surprised me.

“What would you like to name her?” His familiar voice asks. It sent shivers up my spine to even hear him. I hear my mother clearing her throat, watching me closely with tears in her eyes.

“Y/N…” She says weakly.

“I want to name her, Y/N.” My father nods in agreement and kisses her forehead tenderly. My name… so that is me? The one my father is holding in his arms so carefully and lovingly? I look at them.

They seem so happy together. So full of life and joy. Not the one I had grown up with. I look down at my mother. Her face is clear as day. My memories of her immediately piece together, completing the blurry image of her in my mind.

This was indeed my own mother. I didn’t know how to feel exactly seeing her like this. I slowly reach down to touch her hand, just to see if it would do anything. But I stop immediately.

What am I doing? Why am I seeing this?

Just as quick as that thought appears, I felt my body was flown through hundreds of miles in mere seconds. I stumble forward when the scene in front of me changes. I look around at this new room.

It was my old childhood room.

A single light from outside is the only one shining into this dark room. The glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling did little to comfort my fear of darkness. But it wasn’t that I was afraid of that moment.

I watch my younger self holding her hands to her ears, trying to shut something out. I was trying to remember why, but the loud crashing noise from outside startles me. I walk out of the room to look at what was going on.

“How could you! How could you!” My mother yells over and over again, throwing glasses at my father as he tries to calm her down. The anger and negative energy is affecting me so much. They don’t seem to want to lose out to the other, and it’s making me uncomfortable. But all too familiar.

Right. This was the night that my mother left us.

I watch them bicker with each other so loud and quick that it’s hard not to see them like an ongoing volcanic eruption. The room felt so hot from how extreme their argument and fight was. It surprised me that it didn’t even get physical yet at this point.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I notice a small movement. I see someone slip right into my room. Concerned, I turn back and immediately run back into the room to see if I was all right. But I was more than all right.

I stand there, watching Mike carrying a bedtime story book with a flashlight. He was barely able to talk then, but he was a smart kid. He handed me the book and climbed onto my bed.

This is probably why my memory of that night was hazy. Because I ignored the noise outside and focused on keeping my attention to the stories and Mike. Even I knew back then that it is better to keep my brother happy instead of understanding the adult problems.

I felt a large push on my chest before I start to fall backwards. I let out a scream when I feel as though I was falling down from the sky. The floor lets out a loud thud when my body makes a rough contact on it. I sit up, expecting to feel aching pain, but to my surprise, nothing. I stand up and look down at my hands.

They all seem intact.

A loud knock on the door surprises me. I hear heavy boots followed by the door opening. It was me back at military camp.

“Awh, Mikey poo. What do you need?” She says teasingly. I hear a plastic rustle as it was dropped onto the floor.

“Tell Jeremy to stuff my bed with flowers again, I will make sure you sleep on top of shit, Y/N!” Mike yells half angrily. She laughs and takes a red rose before handing it over to him.

“You’ll grow to love them.” She says. Mike only huffed in anger before walking out. I watch her laugh again before picking up the flowers.

“He sure hates ‘em.” Hanna says, polishing her rifle. I look at her before back at my younger self. She slumps down on the bed and toys with the red rose.

“It’s fun to get him angry like that. Makes it easier for him to listen to me.” She says before placing the flower on her chest.

Before I could process anything, I was pulled backwards through time again. The force made me feel pain, but then nothing after it all.

I crash onto the dusty floor, coughing up the sand that went into my mouth. When I try to sit up, I was greeted by a rain of bullets. Even though they went through me, I still ended up staying low to the ground.

When I look up to see where I was, my heart stops.

Yemen. I watch myself trying so hard to contact help. And Mike. Mike is still alive. I lean forward, watching the scene unravels again before me. Of the seconds leading up to his death.

Why am I seeing this? I don’t understand what is going on. I look at my team again. It was down to the three of us with the other in terrible pain.

Is there a reason I was seeing this? What if this is it? What if this was the chance for me to reset everything? What if I save him and things can be changed in the future? Would that be possible?

If I had pulled him down just in time to save him, would everything had been fine and he would still be alive? And would Linda never have shown up in my life in the first place?

I rush over when I see his head starting to move up. Just when I’m inches away from touching his shoulder, the scene changes. I cry out when I fall down on my face. I sit up and watch as time passes by again. The scenes playing before me went so fast that I couldn’t really see them.

Until I reach the very end of it.

The image of myself, falling out of the train, as it crashes and explodes within the valley. Looking down at me from the plane, was Bucky’s horrified expression. Then, white and coldness again.

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to make sense of everything.

I did fell off the train on that mission. But I didn’t remember anything that happened afterwards. I flew my eyes open at the sudden realization.

Is that why I was seeing those memories? Seeing those scenes playing back in front of my eyes? Was I seeing my life flash before my eyes like the so many have told me right before they die?

So is that what it is?

Am I, dead?

“Not exactly.” A voice surprises me from behind. I turn around to find a young woman, dressed in old military suit, standing still. I look at her, studying her, making sense of her, and recognizing her.

“Linda…” I utter softly. I stand up and walk closer to her. She’s wearing her smile beautifully. And we do look alike than we are different. It’s as though I’m staring at her through a mirror. From the curls in her hair to the elegant of her shoes, she seems like me if I had born in a different era.

“What is going on?” I ask her. Linda takes a deep breath before smiling.

“Well, it’s not something I can explain.” She looks around in the empty space.

“Then what is going on? I don’t understand this. Why did I just see my life flash through my eyes like that? Why is it so bright here? I—”

“Hush, child. You don’t need to worry. This is momentary.” She tries to reassure me, but that did little to ease my confusion. I don’t know where I am and I don’t like it. I need an explanation. A logical one.

“Can you at least tell me where am I?”

“Your time has yet to come. You have to return back.” She says simply, walking over and gently resting her hand on my shoulder. I look at it. It feels so surreal. Linda, the woman who had been controlling my mind and body, is here right in front of me.

“I know what you’re thinking and I do want to apologize for it. I never meant to cause such a havoc in your life.” She says apologetically. Even her eyes clearly show that regret.

“I’m sure you’re also aware of what kind of hell you’ve put me through.” I say straightforward. Linda smiles sadly and nods.

“It was wrong of me to take over your life like that. I already lived out my life and should have left you to live out yours.” She says. I raise an eyebrow.

“If you knew, why did you do it then?” I ask. I was irritated, but I wanted to know of her reason more than anything else. She is silent for a moment.

“Regret, no matter how small, can haunt you forever. I carried it to my grave and my soul wandered around because I felt that I was yet finished in this world.”

“Does this regret have something to do with Bucky?” She sighs out.

“I wanted to tell him… to live his life.” She says simply.

“That’s it? You used my body just to tell him that?” I say annoyed. She caught my tone and only replied with a sad smile.

“Y/N… you see how he is. You know how he is. I knew him as a man who would fight for the country he loves no matter what. And you know him as a man who is struggling to get his life back together. And he has many regrets. Regrets he is hoping he could atone for by fighting for his country once more. But the one thing he has yet to do, was to fight for his own life.”

Her tone was completely laced with sadness and regret. Maybe Linda had hoped she could have convinced Bucky to fight for his own life back then. Maybe that’s why she regretted not being able to help give Bucky the life he’s missing out on.

“Why are you doing so much for him?” I ask her. If Bucky wants to live his life as a soldier, then so be it. It was what he wanted. He wants to serve his country till his last breath, so why stop him?

“To prevent from what he’s become. A man full of regrets who was cheated out of life.” She says. I blink. It does makes sense. He is a soldier and always is a soldier for all of these years, but he never got to live the life that he should have had as a person. Maybe Bucky was a loyal soldier, but he is also a human being.

“Y/N. I can only ask you to do this and I think you’re the perfect candidate for it.” Linda taps my shoulder, reminding me of her presence in this place.

“Give Bucky the life he wants. He can be hard to handle but he is worth all of it. And in return, you’ll gain love like never before. You saw it in my memories. He makes mistakes, but if he loves you, then he will love you and only you.” She says. I bite my lower lip. I like Bucky, I really do, but why me? Aren’t there other girls just as good as or better on handling Bucky than me?

“Trust me.” I look at her surprised, but before I could even respond, she pushes me down. I manage to catch her muffle a ‘thank you’ before falling through the white floor and speeding down.

Then, the light shines brightly, blinding me.

★ ★ ★

☀ Next Chapter >>

A/N: Don’t forget to leave a like, or a comment! I would appreciate it if I could hear your thoughts and comment on this chapter/story!

Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #captain america #captain america fanfiction #memories of us #mou

6 notes · View notes

violecentstrs · 8 years ago

Text

Memories of Us - Chapter 19

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know! Thank you so much for reading! <3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): None Word Count: 3,919

<< Previous Chapter ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

The pills were as bitter as I remembered. I force it down and immediately drown the taste with water. But it didn’t work out as well. I let out a sigh before slumping back onto my couch. I look at the time, watching it ticking away the seconds. I turn the TV on, having no other plans to go on with my day. Except for the chores.

“Honey, I’m leaving. Where’s my lunch?” Brian’s voice startles me. I look over at him before getting up to take the box I packed up for him. I give him a weak smile before handing over it to him.

“Here you go. Have a good day at work.” I say.

“Thanks, hon. Take your meds and get some rest. I’ll see you tonight.” He pecks my lips before making his way out towards the car. I watch his car pull out of the driveway before disappearing down the street. I stare at the empty roads. The sun had just risen from the horizon, illuminating the streets with its yellow glow.

I close the door and sit myself back down on the couch. I stare at the TV blankly, watching the news they covered about recovering old treasures from a sunken ship. Technologies have advanced quite far now.

The war had ended about five years ago, but it was still very much present in our minds. Still playing on and on again, like a broken record player. Granted I wasn’t there on the battlefield, but I had treated so many terrible wounds while telling so many lies. Telling the dying sol diers with half of their legs blown off, or the large hole in their stomach, or even the one with his face ripped off, that everything will be okay. That they will live another day.

They died soon after right in my arms. And I could do nothing.

Brian is coping well with his PTSD. Better than I can. And he was the one that was running on the field with guns. He was the one that got bullets in his body. But he was managing well.

As soon as the war ended, we were married. I came to terms with it and accepted my fate. It has been fine as of lately between us. Nothing wrong. But, a few weeks ago, my dreams turned into nightmares when the memories of my time with Bucky started replaying in my dreams.

And it triggered my depression yet again. Now I’m taking medications for it, but they do little to help me cope with this ever present grief.

I get off from the couch to walk upstairs. I pull out a small locked chest from the top of the closet. The small metal chest creaks open, containing all of my important memories from the past.

The very first picture on top was one during the war. Bucky, Steve, Peggy and I together, smiling at the camera. I carefully take it out, fearing that it might crumble into ashes if I do. When in reality, the photo was in better shape than any other photos in the house. But that’s how long ago the war felt for me.

I turn it around and brush my fingers over the markings on the back.

“July 18th, 1944. Milan, Italy.” I say under my breath. It was when and where the photo was taken. I feel the tears coming to me, but I blink them away. I set the photo aside and stared into the box.

I reach in for the photo resting next in the line. And this time, I did end up crying. It was Bucky’s enlistment photo that I took out on the day he was leaving the base. The photo still kept his perfect expression, eyes, lips, nose, everything. And it was too real for me.

I start to cry once again when the memory of Steve delivering me the bad news. He was broken more than anyone else. And I understood his pain. I walked away and never talked to anyone for days. Not even to my own father.

I didn’t cry. Couldn’t even shed a tear. It wasn’t until Steve pulled me aside and talked to me when I cried for days. I was in denial that he had died, believing with all of my heart he was still alive and that this was all a lie.

But Steve came and pulled back my senses, reminding me that he actually is gone. He was the only one I could go to. And was the only one who understood my pain as well. We understand each other because of how important Bucky was for us.

Then, the news of Steve’s death came. That’s when I lost it. I couldn’t even grasp the very idea. That’s when my depression started. Took me awhile, but after counselling, I manage to overcome it for a while. When the war ended, I didn’t even celebrate. Felt like we lost more than we won in this whole affair.

And I couldn’t feel happy about that.

I set the box back after putting the photos back. I wanted to see them so that it reminds me of the life I used to have. And that I’m still alive and have the chance to live my life as I want now. I don’t want to hang onto old ghosts.

No matter how many times they come haunting me back.

The paper rustle violently within my shaking grip as I read the headlines. My aching body and bones suddenly springing back to life. My cup of tea spilled out and shattered on the floor as I stood up, still holding that paper in disbelief. My daughter, Patricia, looks over at me with concern.

“Mother? Is everything all right?” She asks, approaching me and picking up the broken porcelain. She peeks over to see what I was reading until she noticed the pouring tears. She was really concerned then.

“Mother! What’s wrong?? Honey! Honey come help!” She calls her husband over urgently.

“S…Steve.” I say shakily, watching the photo of that familiar shield in the ice. There’s no mistaking that it belonged to him.

CAPTAIN AMERICA FOUND FROZEN IN ICE

I wanted to cry with joy. I was so surprised yet so happy to read that headline. I never thought that such thing was possible. To be frozen away in time. I read down the article. It seems like he was frozen and are in the process of defrosting in a SHIELD base.

It didn’t disclose where exactly, but I knew where he would be.

“Patricia, we need to get to New York!” I claim desperately to her. She looks at me as though I had just gone mad.

“M…Mother?” She looks at me confused. I show her the paper.

“I knew him! Captain America! He was my friend!” I say happily. Patricia gives me a smile before nodding. But it was a smile I know so well. She doesn’t believe me.

“Of course, Mother. He was a very good friend.”

“Patricia, I’m telling you! Steve is back from the dead! He really is.” She gives me another of that smile. When her husband comes out worried, he exchanges looks between us.

“Honey, where is her medicine? It’s acting up once again.” She says worriedly. I look at her in disbelief before back at the paper. I know I may have said things in the past before, but this was something I was more than sure about.

I need to see him again. I need to see him with my own eyes. But no matter how many times I pleaded to Patricia, she only ignored my requests. Thinking that I was being delusional. But I know that I’m not.

Steve is alive and he is out there.

• • •

Snow crumbles down as my fingers gently brush it off the top of the gravestone. I clean his name off carefully before placing a small red rose just against it. I smile down at his grave. It snowed all of last night, burying his gravestone a little. By the looks of the area, I was the first one to visit this graveyard.

Who would though? It is 8 at night. But I needed to see him before I go for this mission. It is completely dark, with only the nearby lamp post illuminating the pathway.

I breathe out a small cloud of air, looking around the peaceful yet solemn area.

“Can you believe it, Mike? It’s been a year already.” I sigh out, biting away the tears. My mind rolls back to that day. The gunshots, explosions and screams still very much clear in my mind. I look down at his gravestone again, looking at the date of his death.

“No matter how many graves I’ve visited. Or tears I’ve shed before. Yours is the one I can never seem to get used to.” I look down at my gloved fingers, twirling them around as a small tear escapes my eyes. I take a sharp cold breath and let it all out before wiping away the tear.

“I saw Hanna and Darius last week. They seem to be doing well. They had just returned back from a rescue mission in Jerusalem. They got awarded for it too. I’m so proud of them.” I say to the air, hoping that Mike might be listening beyond the grave. I would have never done this before, but after the whole shenanigan with Linda, my belief’s been turned around a smidge.

“Jeremy’s doing well. Finally proposed to his girlfriend. Elvis is still the player we all know him to be.” I chuckle to myself. I take another look around in the area. The snow is biting every inch of my skin despite the layers of clothes I have on.

“Then me. Well… I’ve had a couple of more episodes with Bucky and Steve, but they haven’t rendered me unconscious like before. We’ll see. I have a mission to go with them in the Alps. Even with the Commander. So that they can really decide if we are worthy to be of the Higher Rank.”

I stay silent for a moment.

“I don’t have doubt for my team. But I am sceptical of myself. I wonder if I’m able to lead my team well enough in this mission.” I say, hesitating. I’m talking to myself in the dark. If someone happens to pass by, they might wonder if I had just escaped a mental asylum. But, it gives me comfort to at least speak these things out loud, even if there is no one there to hear me.

“I know you’d tell me ‘Remember what you are, Y/N! Confidence, compassion and courage! Triple C! You will be fine!’ like last time when I doubted myself about being the captain of our little team.” I smile to myself.

My memory of Mike’s bright smile and childish grin helped pour the hope within me again. Because of him, I even pursued the leadership position at all. If only he was here to show me that dorky smile of his. Maybe then I would have the confidence returned within me once again.

But, only within my memories will I ever see it again. I look down at the grave once more before smiling. I plant a kiss on my finger before placing it on his gravestone.

“Thanks for everything, Mike. You had been the best brother anyone could ever have.”

The stars are spread across the horizon as far as the eyes can see. Out here in the mountains, the skies are untouched by man-made light. There’s nothing but pure nature surrounding us outside of this plane.

Shame that I could only see it through the small window. I would love to fly across this star soaked sky every night. The beauty is indescribable.

“For God’s sake’s Horace! Hurl in the other helmet! Not mine!” Bella shouts angrily, snatching away her helmet from him. Horace immediately grabs his helmet and attempts to throw up, but nothing came out. I’m glad, because I don’t think it would be pleasant to see that.

“You’re a soldier, you need to get used to this.” Bucky says looking at Horace. Poor him. The man is afraid of great heights. He can’t stand being in the air for over 6 hours. Give him a break.

“I’m sorry, Sir.” Horace says, getting his composure back. Bucky sighs out and sits himself next to me. I turn my head back out to watch the stars. The different shapes of the mountain does intrigue me.

“Nervous?” He asks. I peel my eyes away from the view to look at him. I give him a small smile before looking back out.

“Nope.” His hand slowly wraps around mine, holding it tightly. I look down at it before squeezing his hand back reassuringly.

“You’ll do amazing.” He says before pulling me in to kiss my forehead. I hear a small gasp coming over from in front of us.

Bella, Horace, Maria and Razak were staring at us. I clear my throat and pull my hand away immediately, suddenly feeling embarrassed. I didn’t want to, but with them looking at us like that, I feel a little vulnerable.

Today I feel a little at peace within myself. Usually I would be anxious if Linda would show up. But not today. I’m calm and in full control of myself right now.

After that night at the coffee shop, I started having hope more than fear. Bucky said that I won’t lose myself. And I trust him. I don’t know why, but it felt like he was right. Everything will be back to normal soon and I won’t have any more episodes with Linda.

“One more hour before we get to the destination, folks!” Rufus says while polishing his gun. I nod at him and look back out the window at the sky. Soon, the sun will be up and I won’t be able to see the beautiful stars among the mountains.

A movement around my back to my hips startles me. Bucky’s arm coils itself around the back of my waist, pulling me close. His body pressing against mine subtly, sharing his warmth with mine. I didn’t swat away or move. I just let him do as he pleases.

Bucky is acting odd today. He’s a bit touchier to me than before. I didn’t think that he would even dare to do these things since we’re not really lovers. Well, probably not until this thing with Linda settles down.

I unconsciously start to lean against him, keeping my eyes out the window. I stare deeply into the billions of stars. I close my eyes as Bucky’s arm pulls me a little more towards him, closing off any space between us.

In that instance, I feel myself moving deeper within. I open my eyes to find myself been taken over by Linda. I watch her stay completely still, enjoying Bucky holding her close to him. It filled my chest with feelings of content.

And heartbreak.

“Hi, Linda.” Bucky’s voice was low, but his grip was tight.

“Hi, Bucky.” She says with a smile.

The train shifts to one side as the explosion goes off in the back of the train. Horrified, I immediately call in.

“Kelvin! Maria! Come in!” I yell right before blocking out a bullet with Steve’s shield. He left it with us while trying to chase the scientist up the train.

“We’re fine! We’re fine!” I hear Maria’s struggling voice on the other end. I immediately push into the gunner with the shield. I smacked it on his face before pushing through the door. I rush through each car, trying to find Steve.

Another explosion goes off ahead and I hear gunshots followed after. The train rocks back and forth as it was both gaining speed and starting to tip over from the explosions.

“Y/N!!!” Razak yells before kicking down a soldier with a knife. He struggles with him for a second before knocking the soldier out. I nod at him and we both run through the rest of the train.

When we reached to the head of the train, we were greeted by a gush of flames. I blocked it off with Steve’s shield before dashing into the car. I look around to find both Steve and Bucky attempting to take down three large iron suits similar to Tony’s. I manage to glance around the car quickly to find weapons mimicking those of the Avengers.

“Steve!!” I yell out and toss the shield towards him. He accepts it and blocks off a blast from one of the suits.

“We need back up in the driver’s compartment here!” I yell into the mic, pulling Razak aside from the oncoming blast. We hid behind the part of the car peeled away from the explosion.

I look around at this place. It’s a wreck. Two large holes on both sides, putting any of us at risk of falling out. And this is not the ideal place to fall off. The train is speeding up gradually and all of us are going to die if we don’t get the hell out right now.

“Bucky! Where’s the scientist?!” I yell, watching him roll away from the iron suit’s fist. He looks at me once before avoiding another of the suit’s attack.

“He’s gone further ahead in the engine room! I think there’s an escape pod there!” He struggles to say. I nod before looking over at Razak.

“Razak! Find a way to slow this train down. I’m going after the scientist!” I say immediately while watching Bucky and Steve fight off the robots, using their flexibility and speed to their advantage.

When there was an opening, I immediately dash through the madness and right into the engine room.

The heat was unbearable.

The rattles and machines whirring are causing for the engine to overheat. Some of the metal bits have even gone red from the continuous speed.

“Y/N! The train is going too fast! It’ll fly off the tracks by the time it gets to the corner! There’s an upcoming one! Just get the scientist and get the hell out of there!” I hear Bella shouting into the mic. I press into the earpiece.

“Got it! Pull the rest out of here! I’ll get the scientist. How long do I have?” I ask urgently, trying to bear the scorching heat of the engine room.

“Two minutes! Quick!” I hear her struggle behind the mic before it goes silent. After looking through the place, I noticed a door with the word EXIT on it.

When I burst into it, I found the scientist, struggling to put open the door to the escape pod. It is a large circular object with half of its body poking out. The scientist is almost on the verge of escaping when I burst in and pulled him out.

“Let me go!” He screams into my face, trying to break free. In his struggling, he accidentally pressed the launch button, causing for the pod to break away. I let out a gasp when the scientist is hanging outside from the side of the train. Underneath was a 100-200 feet drop down. He’d be as good as dead.

But we need him alive.

He screams in fear and hold onto my arm. The speed of the train is going too fast. I might lose him if I don’t pull him in immediately. But I had no strength. The scientist screamed and thrashed around so much that I can feel him slipping through my fingers.

“Please!! Please get me in! Please!!!” He begs me.

With every movement he makes, he’s even pulling me out. I plant my foot on the side of the open space, hoping to keep me in place. But I was sliding out with the train rattling back and forth so much.

Just when I thought I might lose him, someone grabs him from behind me and pulled us in quickly. I fall backwards onto him as the scientist scurries to get back onto the moving train.

The metal arm held me tightly in place as we catch our breath. I get off Bucky, feeling relieved that he was on time to save us. The scientist started making his through the engine room, but Bucky immediately caught him and knocked him out.

I nod to him, unable to get a word out of me from how terrifying that was. I hear the sound of metal breaking and clanking outside. Bucky looks over at me and slung the scientist over his shoulder.

“Let’s get out of here before the robots find us.” He says urgently, tugging my hand along with his. We stand by the opening, watching as Bella descent the plane close to the opening.

“Come on! We gotta get out of here!” She yells into the mic.

“Is everyone out??” I ask first, watching Bucky toss the scientist over to Steve.

“Razak is still in there!” My heart drops. I look over to the exit before at Bucky.

“Come on, we’ll get him out through the driver’s compartment!” He yells, but I didn’t listen. I rush back through the exit, through the burning hell. But this time, the metal bits were spitting out at each other.

One of the bits hit my upper arm, burning away that part of my suit instantly. I yelp in pain, but barrel through the hellish chaos to find Razak. When I got there, the last iron suit was drilling through a space.

I can see Razak trapped inside there as the suit tries to get to him. Bucky appears behind me, a look of concern washing over his face.

“I’ll distract the suit.” He says simply before tossing over a large bolt towards the suit. It got its attention all right. It immediately runs over to Bucky, who is making every attempt to avoid the suit’s attacks.

I rush over to Razak, who’s holding onto his bleeding torso. I watch the small fear in his eyes as I pull him out. He groans in pain as I move him slowly towards the entrance.

“Bucky!!” I yell for him. Outside from the opening, I can see the approaching corner. Bucky avoids the suit’s attack one more time before dashing over towards us.

“Get him on first!” I yell. Bucky stops to look at me.

“No! We’ll get on together!” He protests. My priority is with Razak. Bucky can get him on safely through the moving plane, like he did with me in Yemen.

“Get him on first!” I yell once again, placing Razak in his arms without listening to him. I look at him, blue eyes, staring with concern into mine.

“I’m right behind you!” I say to him. He nods slowly and helps Razak into the plane. Just as I’m about to board, I hear something charging behind me. I gasp when I notice the suit aiming its hand at the plane.

“Maria!!!” I yell into the mic. She looks behind her and immediately pull the plane away just in time to avoid the shot. I duck away into the same corner Razak hid in from the blast. I watch in horror as we reach the corner of the mountain.

“Y/N!!!”

The train derails and dove in head first into the valley. My body went numb, my heart stopped and my visions blackened.

★ ★ ★

☀ Next Chapter >>

A/N: Don’t forget to leave a like, or a comment! I would appreciate it if I could hear your thoughts and comment on this chapter/story!

Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #captain america #the winter soldier #captain america fanfiction #memories of us #mou

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Memories of Us - Chapter 18

A/N: All right. It’s time for me to stop being a jerkface and give you guys the final chapters for this series. I know, I know. Feel free to be angry with me. You have every right to be with my weeks of absence. I can give you many reasons, but bottom line is that, I have been extremely busy. I want to give you guys the best possible written stories/content, so I like to take my time with it. But that doesn’t give me the excuse of not fulfilling my duty as a writer and blogger to post on Wednesdays as I have promised.

I do sincerely apologize for that. I will take the blame. So, without any further ado, I would like to present to you, the final chapters of Memories of Us!

Please enjoy and let me know! Thank you so much for reading! <3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): Little fluff, angst, death and loss Word Count: 5,453

<< Previous Chapter ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

Bucky laughs with Steve in the meeting room as they finish up. I stand outside, waiting for him to come out. The Commandos had left a few seconds ago, leaving just them. They are talking to each other. Another one of Bucky’s laughter made my chest fill with jealousy. A jealousy at how easily Steve can make Bucky smile and laugh like nothing else in the world mattered.

I take a deep breath, brushing the feeling away before mustering up the courage to talk to him. I want to end this. This fight between us. No more of it. Even if he won’t accept me, the least I can do is end the strain between us. I have to do it today. Right now. I feel like it is my only chance.

“Steve, Bucky.” I call out, looking at them. They turn their attention towards me. I walk in before stopping briefly. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see another person standing by the table.

Father.

“What are you doing in here, Linda?” My father asks with a strain in his voice. I look at him before clearing my throat.

“I have a business to attend with Sergeant Barnes.”

“What business is that?” He asks.

“That is classified.” I say, keeping my cool. He looks at me while furrowing his brows.

“I do not approve of this. Return to your room at once!” He commands me. I’m not letting this chance slip by.

“Apologies, sir. I must insist.” I say while walking up to Steve and Bucky. Steve is surprised, but Bucky clearly doesn’t even want to look at me. He attempts to walk away, but I immediately grabbed his arm. He looks down at it before at me.

“Please, Sergeant.” I say, pleading slightly. Steve gets the message and walks over towards my father.

“General, I believe Mr. Stark needs to show you something of his. Shall we?” Steve asks. He drags him out towards the basement, without even giving him a chance to yell at me. Bucky pulls his arm out from my grip.

“What the hell do you want?” He asks, getting visibly angry. I cross my arms.

“Bucky. Let’s talk this out. This game of avoiding and ignoring, it’s tiring.” I say, clearly showing no sign of fear or sadness. He scoffs.

“What is there to talk about? You and I are finished, done. There’s nothing else to talk about.” He says and turns around to walk away.

I immediately pull on his shirt to drag him back. He turns around surprised and angry.

“Linda!” He shouts.

“Stop it! I’m tired of this fight between us. I’m not going to convince you to take me back. I just want to be able to sleep again, knowing that there’s nothing wrong between us anymore.”

He stays silent for a moment.

“We’re over. That’s it. Why is there a need to talk about it? It is what it is.” He says, looking away. I sigh out.

“Yes, but you ignored me. You push me away. You’re still upset. I won’t blame you. Take your time to heal. Just…” I trail off.

“Just what?” He asks, shooting a glare at me. I bite my lower lip before sighing out.

“Just…” I didn’t know how to say it. If I do, it might sound like I am so full of myself. But I need him to know.

“James. Time to go.” Someone barges in out of nowhere. I sigh out. What is it with people coming in at the wrong time? Bucky nods at him before looking back at me.

“Well, whatever that you need to say. Save it for later.” He says while walking over towards the door.

Wait. No. There will be no later. That feeling grows within me with every step he takes.

Why do I feel like this is my only chance to tell him what I want him to know? I run after him.

“Wait! Bucky!” I rush over and hold onto his arm. He looks at me before taking his arm away slowly.

“We… we still need to talk! Can’t you go later?” I begged him. For some reason, I really didn’t want him to go yet. There’s just something awfully wrong about this.

“Save it. You clearly still need time to think about your words. Which I honestly really don’t care.” His words stung me. How cold. And how sudden.

“Don’t beat yourself over it. After this war is over, we’ll part ways anyways. Anything you may say won’t stay with me after this. So, save your breath and go live your own life.” He says. I watch the non-existing emotion on his face. I couldn’t understand how he felt then and there. But his words were nothing less than a knife through my heart.

“Good bye, Linda.”

He walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

If only I knew. If only I knew then, that the feeling that I had, of not wanting Bucky to leave, was not because of how much I need to talk to him about us. But to stop him from meeting his fate.

Because, when Steve returned that night… Bucky was nowhere to be seen.

Bucky’s belongings sit idly in his room. His bed is perfectly made. There wasn’t much in it other than books of his notes and strategies planned with Steve resting by the dresser. The mug and bowl he uses for food is cleaned on the table. His bags rest underneath his bed and his extra uniform hangs on the chair.

It was like any other soldier’s room. The only difference was, it smelled like him. It felt like he was still present in this very room.

I brush my fingers over the bed sheets before sitting down on it.

When I did, it was as though I felt his arms wrap around me so tightly. I felt his phantom lips and warm breath brushing against my neck. His strong body keeping me close and warm during the cold nights.

Every time we were together, it was always intimate, romantic and loving. It was impossible for me to ever forget them. From the tips of his fingers to the loving of his eyes: everything about him is planted deep within my heart.

And I will never experience anything like it in my life.

I pull out one of the drawers to see what’s inside. I find a single breath mint container hidden away deep within. I open it up to find pictures of different girls with their names written behind it.

My heart twists in jealousy at each of the pictures. These girls are beautiful and I recognize a couple of them from Steve’s old tour showgirls. They must’ve given it to him as memories.

When I come across that blonde I caught him kissing with, I couldn’t. I close the metal container tight and toss it back in the drawer. I didn’t care how much noise I made. I couldn’t bear the thought of the possibility that Bucky must have slept with all of them. It hurts me a lot and I don’t need to be getting angry at a dead person.

I move up to the notes to take a look. I flip through the pages and finds Bucky’s familiar handwriting and terrible drawings. Stick figures aren’t always the best thing to use, but it helps with the planning.

With each pages, I was starting to smile a little bit more. I remembered some of these as Bucky had shown me before. It brought up fond memories. I could actually almost feel the tears coming, but it wasn’t enough to make me cry.

As I continue to flip through, the book suddenly opens up to a specific page. There was something marking that particular page. It was a folded piece of paper. It seems to be holding a small photo.

My heart dropped when I opened to see what it was.

Me. It was a picture of me.

It was the picture I used when I applied to be my father’s secretary. I never knew that he managed to get it. But when and where?

I turn it around slowly to see if he wrote anything.

Linda Rothwell

No matter how many lifetimes, I will find you and I will love you.

I stained the pages of his book with my tears. I gripped onto it as though my life had depended on it. I cried and I cried and I cried. After feeling nothing but numbness over his death for days, the pain and grief finally settled in.

To be reminded of our promise makes the pain even worse. And I didn’t have the time to even tell him one last time that I loved him. Now, I have to live with that regret of being the one to betray him.

How will I ever forgive myself?

• • •

“Twenty! New record!” Bella says happily while holding Horace down. He quickly kicks her away before wiping his bleeding lip.

“Geez, Bella. You fucking busted my lip.” He says looking down at his fingers.

“Well, you better be glad it wasn’t your nuts I busted.” She says, chugging down on the bottled water. He slaps the bottle up real quick, causing for the water to spill everywhere on her.

Bella stares him down for a second before pouncing on him. Her fists raining down on poor ol’ Horace; and he’s doing all he can to get her off from him. Razak and Maria immediately tear them apart from each other.

“Yo, your turns are done! Now it’s Kelvin’s and Maria!” Razak says at them. I chuckle, watching my team members having this ‘friendly’ argument with each other. I twirl the bottle around in my hand before sighing out.

I had no idea what happened that day in the meeting room. All I knew was waking up in my apartment. And Natasha munching on my chocolates. She said Bucky sent me home and that she was there to make sure I wake up. I asked her what happened but she just shrugged.

I felt like my energy was completely drained away that whole night. And I couldn’t even get up the next morning. I was bed-ridden the whole day, completely exhausted. I never had that happen to me before.

“I see the monkeys are getting better.”

I turn to find Rufus seemingly to have just teleported there without any sound. He’s wearing the official uniform for an A.C.T.I.S Commander and Captain.

“Yeah. They are improving quite a lot.” I say with a smile. He nods approvingly.

“I hope they keep it up, because I’m about to propose your team for a raise.” He says. I look at him, surprised.

“Really?” He nods.

“Your performance has been a lot better. Especially with one mission after another. You guys are doing well. Even the baby monkey is listening to you. I’ll try to convince the council to up you to Lower-Rank Unit 1.” He says. I blink before looking back at my team. That’s for the tougher missions that can last for days. Will they be fine?

“But what of the current Lower-Rank Unit 1?” I ask, curious.

“A member of their team was killed last week because of the leader’s lack of planning. And also because he ran away in the last minute, saving himself and not others. We demoted him and held him accountable for it. He may be serving jail sentence for a while.” He says with a sigh. He watches as Kelvin and Maria begin to spar with each other. Bella is rooting for Maria while Horace is for Kelvin. But Razak is being awfully quiet.

“To that extent?” He nods.

“He deserves a sentence for murder if you ask me, but all he got was involuntary manslaughter.” He looks around the gym before at me.

“Do not make me regret this decision, Y/N. Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes had high hopes for you. And even with Captain McDarrow of Higher-Rank Unit 1 claiming that you are a worthy leader, I do hope you will keep up your good work.” I smile to myself, remembering back to the mission I did with his daughter, Captain Caroline McDarrow. She is both beautiful and excellent. I admire her.

“She’s amazing, sir. I can see where she got her talents from.” He scoffs.

“Talents aren’t inherited, my dear. Practice and training with determination are the reasons why you are as talented as you are.” He says, patting my back.

“Yeah, well, the one thing she does inherit from you is your sick sense of humour.” He chortles before grinning.

“Of course! That is indeed an inheritance! Need to keep it up, or the whole world will no longer know what dark humour is like.” I smile at him. I watch Kelvin pin Maria down a few minutes into their sparring. They work quite well and fast.

“And you? What do you inherit from your family?” He asks.

I raise an eyebrow before looking at him. I shrug a little. I’m not really sure anyways. My mother ran away. My father was harsh towards me as a kid. I never really knew or noticed if I inherited anything from him.

“Not really. My family has been in the military for generations. Kept the bloodline pure with soldiers. Before it had always been the women marrying soldiers, but now, I’m the first one to join.” I say, watching Razak starting to spar with Horace.

“So patriotism?” He asks. I chuckle.

“Maybe so.” He scoffs. I look over at him.

“How about you? Family been in military for generations?” I ask.

“I’m not so sure. I was born during WW2. My father had apparently died in the war, so I never met him.” He says.

“That must be tough.” I say, imagining what life is like to grow up without a father. But I wasn’t any different. I grew up without my mother.

“Yeah, but she wasn’t alone. She had financial support from an American woman. She knew my father and wanted to help her raise me.” He says. I look at him.

“Your mother was a German?” I ask. He nods.

“A German who was with an American soldier. Yes.” He says. I hear a loud yell when Kelvin was stumbling backwards on the mat. Razak kept his stance before straightening up and helping him up.

“Sounds rather strange for that to occur in the old days.” I say, getting back to his life story. He smiles.

“Well, maybe. But I suppose that’s where I inherit this love for the military.” This story felt familiar to me.

“Do you know who that American woman was?” He looks at me.

“Yeah. She was the one that helped send me to military school. Linda Williams. Such a sweet woman.” I felt my body shift upwards by how much my insides jump at the name. My head spins as though I just got hit by bricks from above. What a coincidence. No wonder I felt his name was familiar when I heard it. Linda knew Rufus too.

How is it that this tend to happen?

“Are you all right?” He asks, looking at me. I sit myself down on the bench. I nod and wave him off.

“Just a small spell.” I hear a rushed footprint coming over towards me.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Razak asks, looking at me. I look up at him. My vision switches over momentarily. The image of that boy, Charles, I’ve seen before replaces Razak. I blink the vision away before nodding.

“I’m fine. Go back to your training.” I say, standing up. Razak complies and walks back to where his team is. Rufus and I were silent for a moment.

“Well, keep up with your performance, Y/N. My meeting starts in 10 minutes. It was nice to see you monkeys working well for A.C.T.I.S. Good day, soldier.” He says, nodding towards me. I give him a salute before he turns around and leaves the gym.

I watch Maria throwing Bella down to the ground effortlessly before Horace comes over and holds one of her hands up.

“THE CHAMPION!!” He yells before getting a kick in the shins from Bella. Then, they two start again. I chuckle to myself at the scene.

How were they any different from my old military pals? Hanna is like Bella, who would just throw out such a fit if Darius, who is like Horace, joked and teased her. Then Jeremy would be like Razak, watching them and making sure that everyone would be fair to each other. Elvis are like Kelvin, techy smart and fast. Maria is just as quiet and sweet as always, but can really give a show without being asked.

Wonderful teammates, if I have to admit. Everyone’s personality just makes the missions and experiences a lot better. I take a deep breath before clapping my hands together to get their attention.

“All right, team. Go and take your lunch. Be back in the gym by two. We will discuss the next mission together. Dismissed.” I say.

I stare at the old dark green journal resting on my table. I can see the edges folded over or torn away from years of mishandling. Even the binding is coming loose. Then the smell of that old book is very much present. Musty and stale, but very much comforting. I run my fingers over the book once, feeling the texture of the cover under my fingertips.

I know this feeling. I’ve written and touched this book over hundreds of times. Carried with me for years. But that feeling belongs to Linda, not me. This book is completely strange to me.

I’ve seen Grandfather carrying one around back in the day. Saying it holds the military information during WW2. I was intrigued to read all of the stories and notes written in that book of his. A life of another during a different time period. Truly mesmerizing.

But, no matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to read it. Even reading the few words from the first page gave me a feeling of uneasiness and dislike. Maybe I was still afraid that I might have another episode of mine while I was doing this.

I take another deep breath, breathing in the familiar scent of the old book right into my lungs. I needed to know what Linda wants in this world. What she may be regretting so much that she couldn’t move on at all. And why she decidedly to live within me. I look at it once again, collecting every ounce of courage, before picking it up. My hand shivers as I slowly open up the pages again.

Once I started properly, I couldn’t stop.

The book had very detailed description of Linda’s everyday life. It was as though she had written it for this sole purpose: to be read by another. Her handwriting was neat and small. Pleasing to my eyes. I was reading something out of an old movie. The life of people in the 40s.

Every page I turn, there is always something new going on in her life. A boy she met. A man she danced with. Her controlling father. The day of her parent’s divorce. All of it was there. All were so familiar, yet so new to me.

It reminds me of the stories my grandfather written in his book. What are the chances that they must have met at one point? He would have been a few years older than her, wouldn’t he?

I was intrigued.

Until I turn the pages when the war started. How her life was involved in this spiralling roller coaster that only the people outside of her life know how to control. She was going through so much since the war started.

But, the one thing for sure was Bucky. He was there in a lot of her pages during the war. Mentioning about the first time he danced with her. How he kissed her. How he made love to her. Their first fight. His overprotectiveness. Everything.

And those were the ones that caused an emotional reaction within me.

I was staining the pages with tears. My body shook so much. The way she talked about Bucky was so accurate. He still possess all of the traits back in his days. And she wrote it with so much love, that it hurts me to read it. I was growing jealous of her. She had the chance to be with Bucky, to be loved and taken care by him. And I was feeling jealous of that.

I had been consumed by the thought of getting rid of Linda from within me that I forgot about my own feelings for Bucky. My mind spirals back to our kiss in the meeting room. It felt so passionate and intimate. But now that reading all of this, I question whether or not Bucky had intended to kiss me, or Linda.

I close the book immediately. I couldn’t read it any further.

Maybe it was Linda who was causing me to feel this way. Or maybe this is my actual emotion reading through all of this.

Maybe because I understood how she felt. She didn’t have an experience out in the field, but seeing papers of dead soldiers, tending to so many of them and spending time with them probably gave her more than enough image of what their lives were like back then.

And she explained that all too well in the journal. Enough to trigger back the memories of me seeing soldiers and friends who died out on the field. Of seeing Mike lying dead in my arms on that fateful day. It overwhelmed me.

Then there’s her relationship with Bucky. It seemed to be out of a fairy-tale. The perfection, the heat, and the passion: all I remembered dreaming about at night. And I was filled with a burning jealousy. It was irrational of me, but I couldn’t help it.

I stumble out of my room to take a walk outside. I need a breather.

I slip my coat on, leave my home and started walking. I make my way to the park, where I know most people are gone by then. I walk down the snow covered path, ignoring the stabbing cold. I wasn’t looking where I was going. I was too lost in my own mind. The journal was too much for me.

She talked about her father who was exactly like mine own. About her mother that divorced him and left her with him. Which was like my own mother running away and leaving Mike, my father and me. She even mentioned about Rufus’s father in her book. The day she found out he died. It was exactly like how I felt when Mike died. Even her family had a full history of military until her own children broke that record.

Maybe that’s why she came to me. Or lived within me. Because our lives were similar in a way. Which explains why I had visions and memories playing in my head that belonged to her. She was living her own life again in me.

All because Bucky showed up on that day to save me. I must’ve been in such a vulnerable state spiritually that it allowed for her own spirit to come out from hiding. Is that what it is?

I place my hand on my head.

What nonsense is going through my head right now? I’m making up my own reasons and stories to make sense of this condition of mine. Which probably can be explained away if I had gone to the psychiatrist. These things might just be a mental health problem that I’m not aware of. But, what will they say? PTSD? Depression? Bipolar disorder? None that matches what I’m going through.

I feel someone bump right into me, hitting my forehead right against his. I stumble a little before looking to see who bumped into me. I widen my eyes when his striking blue eyes met mine.

“Bucky?” I say, surprised. Even he was surprised to see me.

“Y/N.”

The hot chocolate nourished my soul a little. Warmth was wrapping around me little by little with each sip. Bucky smiles at me before taking a sip of his. We sit in the comfort of the coffee shop, completely alone. No one was around and the waiter had gone in the back to chat with the others. So we were alone in the shop.

I warm my freezing hands on the cup of hot chocolate, feeling my head at ease a little. I feel Bucky’s eyes on me. I turn to look up at him.

“How’s your forehead?” I ask, remembering we bumped right into it together. He rubs it gently before shaking his head.

“Barely did anything. Good thing you’re not as hard headed as Steve.” We both laugh at his comment.

“Maybe you’re the one who’s really hard headed, Bucky.” I say as I stir my hot chocolate. I look down at the biscuit. It was in a shape of a heart. So cute.

“What brings you down to the park in the middle of the night, Y/N?” He asks, watching my hand absentmindedly stir the cup around. The dread and jealousy return to my chest at the memory of reading Linda’s journal. Oh, how much my heart beats with pain at the details of her love story with Bucky.

I guess Bucky saw it too because his expression changed.

“Did something bad happen?” He asks, concerned. I shake my head.

“Oh no. It’s not that. I just… Well.” I trail off.

I don’t want him to know I have her journal. If it was enough to cause me such mental distress, who knows what it’ll do to Bucky.

“I’ve been reading things and it just brought me down.” I say. He seems to understand me.

“I see. You can talk to me about it anytime, all right?” He says, reaching over to hold one of my hands. I look down at it before up at him.

“Why is that?” I ask.

“Because I care for you, of course.” He says. Although there was honesty in that tone of his, I still feel doubt. I slowly pull my hand away to hold that cup once again.

“Bucky… do you care for me, or for Linda?” I ask while looking at him. He furrows his brows before leaning back against the chair.

“Linda again?” He asks. His tone getting a little serious. I know he must be tired of hearing that, but I don’t want to dive into anything just yet. I need to know where his feelings truly lie.

“Why did you ask me to join A.C.T.I.S. after Yemen?” I ask, looking at him. I know Steve was in it too, but if anything, Bucky is the main one to deal with.

“Because of your skills and—”

“I’m talking about your own personal feelings, Bucky.” I cut him off. I wait for him to answer. He seems to be searching through his mind for the right words.

“I had none. It was nothing more than your perfect military record. And the advice of your teammates.” He answers.

“Are you sure, it’s not because you wanted to see if I was truly Linda? So that you can be close to her once again?” I ask straight on. He seems to take offence to that.

“No, of course not. We did not force you, you decided to join A.C.T.I.S. because you wanted to, didn’t you?” He leans forward shooting back at me.

“My interest for A.C.T.I.S. was nothing more than my love for my country. I wanted to help and this was the better way than staying out guarding bases and rescue missions back in Syria. The real question is why did you choose me instead of Jeremy or Darius? Or even Hanna and Elvis?” I ask again, leaning further to show him that I was not afraid of him.

“Because of your leadership. Our interest in you joining A.C.T.I.S. is solely because of your exemplary military record and talent in the field. You are wise and smart about the decisions you make. You prioritize other people and ensuring that people go home at the end of the day. That’s why we chose you.” Bucky says back to me with a stern voice. There was anger behind it, but he covers it enough so I won’t completely hear it.

“I’m not talking about them, Bucky. I’m talking about you! Do you understand? You! Why did you choose me?” I say, raising my voice unconsciously. I can see that I’m starting to get under his skin, but I need to know. I need to know the reason why I’m in this mess. How things got to this point where it’s hard for me to turn back.

“Fine! Because for a moment, I thought I saw Linda back alive! I requested your join in A.C.T.I.S. so that I could see for myself Linda didn’t come back to life! To show myself that everything is too late and that this person, sitting right in front of me, is not Linda! Are you happy?! Is that what you wanted to hear?!” He shouts at me. Anger followed by regret passes through his eyes.

I sit there in silence.

“So you really did want me to join to see if I was truly Linda.” I say quietly. He runs his metal fingers through his hair once before sighing out.

“Don’t twist my words like that. I said to prove myself wrong, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but that means you did believe that I was Linda.”

“I told you last time. Why do I have to repeat myself for the third time, Y/N?” He grits his teeth in anger. I look up at him before sighing out. Well, I already knew that that was the truth. So now what?

“And you saw her came back. What did she say to you on that day in the meeting room?” I ask, looking at him. I see his expression turns into a sad one momentarily. I watch him scan the room to look anywhere but at me.

“That’s not important.” He says. I clench my fist.

“NOT important?! Bucky! She knocked me unconscious for hours! Robbed the energy I have left in my body! I was in bed for a whole day! I felt sick and weak! And you tell me that it’s not important.” I say, feeling the tears threatening to spill. I was afraid. I was afraid that if this persist, it’ll get even worse. I was knocked out for hours after Linda took over my body twice in one day.

“How long before she completely takes over my body? How long before, I, myself, disappear into the darkness, never to gain control that life of mine ever again?” I say my thoughts out loud.

Bucky turns his head to look at me. Seeing how much my hands were shaking and the tears welling up in my eyes. Guilt washes over his face. He carefully and gently take my hands in his. He holds them tightly before sighing out.

“She won’t, Y/N. I know she won’t. You can get through this. It won’t be long before everything is over. I know it in my heart.” He says, resting his forehead against mine. I look at him, tears clouding my eyes.

What he said did give me comfort, but why did he even say it?

“What do you mean?” I ask with my voice slightly broken. I clear my throat and tried to wipe my tears away. But Bucky was doing it before I could even move my hands.

“She won’t be within you much longer. She… she had done what she needed to. After this one more thing, she’ll leave you alone. She told me on that day.” He says quietly. My eyes stayed on his, watching him and searching his face for any hint of lies in his expression. But found none.

“Did she say what?” He shakes his head and my heart drops. If she had done her business with Bucky, what else does she need to do?

He plants a soft kiss on my forehead before gently stroking my cheek with his metal hand. It comforted me. My chest felt light and my head was getting clearer. I felt at peace with Bucky this close to me.

“It’ll be all over soon. I promise.”

★ ★ ★

☀ Next Chapter >>

A/N: Don’t forget to leave a like, or a comment! I would appreciate it if I could hear your thoughts and comment on this chapter/story!

Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #captain america #captain america fanfiction #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #memories of us #mou

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Remember I love you and that I'm a coward. Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase please add a keep reading tag by clicking on the 3 dots that come up then click on keep reading. I love you though I'm not trying to be mean it's just you write a lot(which is find😊) but it's a lot to scroll past. Love you still ❤️❤️❤️😆😆😆

Oh dear. I’m so sorry. No worries. I am doing a major clean up for my posts and making separate masterlists for each series. So I will fix this up. Please just tell me anything you’d like for me to fix, all right? I’d love to hear your opinions and comments. I’m more than willing to do them if it is within my range of capabilities. So, don’t be afraid to approach me if I’m doing something wrong. Thank you so much for your kind help. <3

P/S: You are not a coward. <3

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Memories of Us - Chapter 17

A/N: Go ahead and enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): Angst and argument Word Count: 5,263 Summary: Soldier Reader looks exactly like Linda, a woman Bucky used to love. Little by little, she uncovers his past with Linda and what had happened between them through her visions. As she does, her feelings for Bucky grew as well. But, one question remains: if Bucky returns her feelings, will it be for Reader or for Linda?

<< Previous Chapter ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

The sound of horn in the morning is annoying to wake up to. Especially after spending most of the night working non-stop on these bloody paper works. I sit up slowly, feeling the drool on the side of my face. I wipe it off quickly so no one else would see it.

“You finally woke up, Linda.” My father’s deep voice scares the living daylights out of me. I look up at him surprised before clearing my throat.

“Good morning, General.” I say while standing up to pay my respect. Or, as I needed to. My father nods at me and I slowly sit back down.

“I assume you’ve done most of the paper works for that tank request?” He asks while pulling his glasses down to scowl at me. I clear my throat again before nodding. Thankfully the paper didn’t get soaked in my drool.

“Good. I need you to hand it over to the messenger. He’ll code it over to the headquarters back in the States.” He says before going back to his own paper works. I nod and make my way towards the door.

“Oh, another thing, Linda.” He says. I hear his glasses click and his pen on the table. Oh no. Is this a serious talk now?

“Regarding your engagement to Sergeant Brian Williams. As soon as this war is over, you are to be wed immediately, understood?” He says. My heart sinks. The engagement. I had almost forgotten about that.

The day my father announced it was the day when Bucky and I fought in my tent. I left and went to the office to get some materials and found them talking with each other. I protested at first, but he silenced me.

Brian didn’t do anything but stand and listen to my father lecturing me about respect. He even occasionally nodded at some of his statements. I didn’t want to marry the guy. Why is he forcing me to?

“Why so soon, General?” I ask out of curiosity and attempting to somehow persuade him to delay the whole damn thing.

“Because it is the best possible way. Once you are wed, our future generation will be definite and full of military background, as my father did, and as his father, and so on and so forth.” He says while putting his glasses back on. I sigh out quietly.

“General, I ask you, is this truly a wise deci—?”

“Dismissed.” That word was enough to silence me. I take a few moments before turning around and leaving the room. I slammed the door loud enough to hopefully send a message of my anger towards my father.

I walk down the hallway to the messenger room with the paper in hand. My mind was running with several million thoughts. I don’t know how to stop this marriage thing. I never wanted to be engaged to Brian. I’m not even remotely interested in the guy.

He was straight up a medieval thinker with bad dancing skills and an ego higher than the Empire State building. I don’t know what to do. My heart belongs to Bucky and it will always will. How am I going to tell him?

I bump right into someone, causing me to stagger a little. I look up to find Steve standing by the shelves out in the hallway. He seems to be browsing through the books for something.

“Linda.” He says while nodding a little. I nod back with a smile.

“Hey there. What are you looking for?” I ask, curiously.

“I’m looking for a book on mountain hiking.” He says with a small smile. I look through the shelves on the lower section before finding it almost immediately. I pull it out and hand it over to him.

“Here you go!”

“Thanks, Linda.” He says gratefully while taking it.

“What do you need it for?” I ask. He flips through the pages once before closing it.

“We found out that the German scientist, Zola, is on a train ride within the mountains in a few days. I need the right gears and tools to hike them so the commandos would be safe throughout the journey. I haven’t climbed many mountains before in my life, you know.” He says with a slight joke in his tone. I smile at him a little weakly.

“Where are you heading?” He asks while eyeing the paper in my hand. I wave it around a little.

“Messenger Room. I need to send this over to get some new tanks over.” I say with a small sigh.

“So, is that what’s bugging you? Or is there something else?” He asks. I look at him surprised.

“What are you talking about?” He smiles and pets my head.

“You’re troubled. Come on, it’s been awhile since we last chatted. Let’s take a breather.” He says while showing me the way out. I look at him before looking at the paper.

“Give me a minute. I’ll run this over there and I’ll join you.” I say while running over to the room quickly.

Steve is Bucky’s best friend. If anyone would know how Bucky would react to any bad news, it would be Steve. Maybe he can even give me advice on how to deal with my father and this engagement.

“So do you even like this Sergeant?” Steve asks while munching on an apple. I stir the cup of coffee in hand while letting out a sigh.

“Steve. He’s a great guy, but his thinking is so medieval and has an ego higher than my own father’s. That says a lot, okay?” I say remembering back to the encounters we’ve had. Steve sighs out while staring ahead at the soldiers.

“Well, I really don’t know what to do if I was in your position.” He says quietly. I watch his eyes shift towards a tent. I follow his gaze and finds him staring at Peggy. I smile at him.

“You should approach her.” I say while nudging his arm. Steve smiles and nods slowly.

“Maybe. She is confident and smart. I may need to do it professionally too.” He says. I blink before laughing.

“Don’t overthink it, Steve. Just be casual and a gentleman.” I look over at her again. Yeah, she is the definition of a perfect woman in my eyes. I can see why Steve has fallen for her.

“What will you do about Brian? You need to tell Bucky.” He says. I stay silent for a moment before looking up.

“Tell me what?” I hear a familiar voice from behind me. A voice that made my heart jump and body shiver. I turn to find Bucky standing right behind us. Horror envelopes within my chest.

“Morning, Buck.” Steve says, tossing him an apple he kept in his bag. Bucky catches it without even turning his head. His gaze was right at me. I turn away, suddenly unable to look at him.

“So, what do you need to tell me, Linda?” He asks. I clear my throat, not knowing how to say it. So instead, I find another excuse.

“Oh, just how beautiful the sunrise is this morning.” I say without thinking properly. I can feel their eyes on me.

“What?” I ask, watching their expression.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” He stands up before patting Bucky on his shoulder.

“You have something bad to tell me. What is it?” He starts while sitting down where Steve sat. My heart twists and my stomach tightens. It hurts to think about it.

“What makes you think that it’s bad?” I ask, curious.

“Because you are avoiding eye contact.” He says while pulling my face to look at his. I blush when his blue eyes met mine. I swallow a large lump in my throat before pulling away. I tap the coffee mug on the table quietly.

“Linda. What is it?” He asks again. I feel the tears threatening to spill already. How do I tell him? Tell him that I am engaged to another man? Tell him that it was my father’s decision?

“Good morning, folks.” Oh no…

Bucky looks up to find Brian standing next to our table. I turn to look at him. He’s wearing that smug of his and it makes my heart boil. What is he even doing here?

“Morning, Sergeant.” Bucky says a little darkly.

“How are you doing, Bucky? Can’t wait to take down another Nazi base with your Commandos? Or are you too busy doing secret missions still?” Brian asks. Why is there sarcasm in that tone? I can feel Bucky’s tone change a little.

“We are working to help end the war, yes.” He answers simply. Brian scoffs.

“Right. I can really see that working quite well. Why you guys are liked by SHIELD so much, I’ll never know. Anyways, Linda. I was looking for you.” He says directing his attention towards me. I didn’t even want to look at this guy’s face. I kept my gaze towards the nearby tree.

“What do you want?” I ask him simply as I take a sip from my coffee mug.

“Ooh. Harsh way to greet your future husband. I expect you to be serving me drinks when I return.” He says leaning down towards me. I choke on the drink and cough it out. Did he just said that in front of Bucky?!

Sure enough, I can feel the aura of dread and anger coming from next to me.

“Future husband?” Bucky asks with a very surprised and angered tone. Before I could even say anything, Brian pulls me up, causing me to spill my coffee all over Bucky. Brian wraps his arm around my waist and brings my face up to look at his.

“Indeed, Sergeant. We are engaged, you see.” He attempts to kiss me, but I immediately push him away. He stumbles back to look at me surprised. I turn to look at Bucky. What I saw horrified me.

His face, was filled with hurt, sadness and most of all, anger.

“Bucky, I can ex—”

“I’m leaving.” He says. He gets up and makes his way into the camp. Brian tugs on my arm, gripping it tightly.

“Linda, where do you think you’re going?” He asks, pulling me towards him. I immediately wrench my arm out from his grip and give him a death stare.

“Don’t ever touch me again.” I say darkly before running after Bucky.

“Bucky!!” I shout, but he ignores me.

“Bucky, stop!!” I continue to run after him. The soldiers around are staring at me, wondering what the commotion is all about. When I see him enter his tent, I immediately burst into it.

“Bucky I can explain!” I say, trying to reason with him.

“How long, Linda?” He asks. I look at him.

“HOW LONG?!” He shouts at me. I gasp, surprised at his burst of anger. My body shivers and I feel the tears starting to sting my eyes.

“A… A few months.”

“A FEW MONTHS?! And you kept on SLEEPING with me?! Knowing that you are ENGAGED to another?!” He shouts. I can feel tears starting to spill and my head spinning. He’s shouting so loud that it’s impossible no one outside couldn’t hear him.

“Bucky! Pipe down!” I beg him. I tried to touch him but he wrench his arm away from me. I look at him surprised.

“How could you, Linda?! Playing me like that?? Was it all just a lie then?! Why did you give me such a hard time when I kissed the girl when you have been engaged to this man for months?!” He asks, anger still present in his eyes.

“Bucky, the engagement was right after that event. I swear.” I defend myself.

“Lies!” He shouts while kicking his bag over. I can practically see steam from his head. I back into the tent flap, suddenly feeling so afraid.

“So all this time you’ve been using me?! Am I just someone you sleep with just to pass time while your future husband is out there trying to win the war?!” My heart tears apart at his statements. Why is he assuming things like that? That really made me angry.

“No you are not, Bucky! I’ve always been in love with you! This engagement came out of nowhere!” I shout back at him. That did nothing to ease the storm spiralling in Bucky’s head right now.

“You’re lying! How could you, Linda?! I thought you were so much better than this! To be with another man while you’re engaged is utterly unspeakable! Do you know how betrayed I feel right now?!” He shouts again. I’d surprised if his voice doesn’t disappear the next day after all of this.

“Stop it Bucky! I was with you first! I don’t want to marry Brian! I protested but my father insisted! There was nothing I could do!” I scream at him.

“But why didn’t you tell me before?! Why do I have to find out about it now?!”

“Because this! Because you would react this way!”

“Because I had to find out from him and not you! I’ve been played by you! How could you?!” He accuses again. I’m so hurt. How can he say such a thing without checking?

“I’ve been nothing but sincere with you, Bucky! I truly love you! Why can’t you see that?!” I say trying to approach him. But he pushes me away, causing for me to fall down to the ground.

“Don’t say that to me, ever again.” With that, he walks out of his tent.

“BUCKY!!” I shout, calling his name. I start to sob uncontrollably on the cold ground. What did I ever do to make him think I was never sincere with him? Have I not been showing him how much I love him? And what about those promises he made? I can’t think anymore. I was hurt and broken.

I couldn’t do anything, but just sit there and cry.

• • •

Bucky wasn’t at home when Steve and I went to see him. He was out on an emergency mission, so Steve had no idea. It’s been two weeks since I last seen him. I hope that he’s okay, wherever he is.

So far, I only had about three episodes of my control over my body. All were with Steve. Apparently, if he says something exactly like he had before to Linda, it would bring her out. And they are always angry remarks, so they must’ve fought a lot back then.

But today is the day I truly find out about Linda’s past.

I sit in the plane with my team as Natasha flies us back home from a mission in Sao Paulo. We agreed to finally meet Linda’s daughter who lives in Rio de Janeiro. I walk back and forth on the plane, thinking to myself. Apparently, it was enough to catch the attention of my teammates.

“What’s bothering you, Y/N?” Maria asks. I hug my body while looking at her.

“No. Nothing. Just thinking to myself.”

“Ah, come on, she’s thinking about Bucky, of course.” Horace teases me. I feel my cheeks warm a little, but kept my calm.

“No, I’m not.” I say.

“She is.” Natasha intervenes. I glare at her.

“You guys make a good couple.” Razak says while popping an orange slice into his mouth.

“And on what grounds do you say that?” I rest my hands on my hips, giving him a look. Razak grins.

“I know things.” He says. I sigh out.

“Though, seriously, I hear that he’s out in South Africa on guarding duty or something.” Bella says while looking down at the view. She’s flying the plane as Natasha’s co-pilot.

“The Prime Minister. Apparently someone tried to assassinate him by letting loose a lab experiment. He lost control and now the thing is rampaging through the city. They’re on a hunt for it.” I say tapping my fingers on the walls of the plane.

“Ooh, someone has definitely been missing him.” Razak says. I glare down at him.

“Buckle up, everyone, we’re landing.” Natasha says as the plane slowly starts to descent.

I look down at the paper in hand, reading the words written on it over and over again.

No. 5 – Rodriguez

“This is it.” I say under my breath.

“Quite a fancy apartment.” Razak says as he looks through the hallway.

Despite my protest, Razak ended up coming along with me to meet Patricia. I told him that I have a personal business to attend to but he didn’t listen to me and insisted that he comes along. To protect me, he says.

“You wait out here, okay?” I tell him while stuffing the paper back inside my pocket. I had changed out of my gears so that it won’t attract any attention. Now I just look like an old friend coming over for a visit.

“Will you be okay in there?” He asks. He’s been overly concerned with me lately. And I have no clue why. I sigh out.

“Yes, yes. If I am in trouble, I’ll shout.” I say. He nods. I take a deep breath and press on the doorbell. A few moments later, a woman opens up the door. My heart stops and my chest tightens.

We look as though we were identical twins. Even her face lit up with such a surprise. Razak lets out a small gasp behind me.

“Si?” She says quietly. I clear my throat.

“Patricia Rodriguez?” She nods slowly, clearly unsure of what to expect.

“Do you speak English?” I ask. She nods again.

“I… I need to ask you about something. May I come in?”

The old book rests closely against my chest. I hold onto it tightly, fearing that it will turn into dust if I let it go. I watch the plane slowly descend towards the Avengers headquarters. When we landed, the rest of my team starts packing up and making their way towards the exit.

I stay on the plane a little bit purposefully for Natasha.

“You okay there, Y/N?” Razak asks me. I look up at him with a small smile. He is clearly very concerned over me.

“Yeah. I am fine. Go and clean up your gears and weapons. I’ll be down in a few to check.” He nods and turns around to join the rest. I watch Natasha and Bella power down the plane.

“I’ll be fine now. Thanks Bella.” Natasha says. Bella nods at both of us before jogging out quickly to catch up with the others. I let out a small sigh before looking at Natasha.

“So, found anything useful?” She asks, approaching me. I hold out the book in front of me on my lap.

“Well, took a bit to convince her. It was to the point where I lost control of my body again and she heard her mother’s own words and voice that she finally was convinced.” I say weakly. I am quite tired. These episodes of losing control would zap the energy out of me rather quickly.

“You know, I still don’t believe over this whole shenanigan of yours. Past life and what not.” Natasha claims while crossing her arms. I smile and slip the book inside of my bag.

“I don’t expect you too. But thanks for the help. It was what I needed.” I say to her thankfully.

“The kid was really worried about you. Did you encounter something on the way back?” She asks as we step out of the plane.

“No. He must’ve heard our conversation through the door. Probably got more than he thought he needed to hear. I asked him to keep it a secret and he understood me.” I say with a smile.

“I hope he stays a good kid.” She says while looking through the group of people going over to check the plane. As we were walking back to the office, someone calls out from behind.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the mother of monkeys!” I turn around to find Rufus, the Commander of A.C.T.I.S., standing with his arms open. I look at him and give him a respectful nod. My heart jumps when I notice the figure standing behind him. Bucky.

“Commander.” Natasha and I say at the same time. I look over at Bucky, but he was completely avoiding eye contact with me.

“How was your mission over in Sao Paulo? I hope it went well. Did the monkeys do well?” He asks, petting my shoulder. I wince a little at his touch but stayed calm.

“Went well. Everyone’s performance were better than before.” I say truthfully.

“Good! I want your full report on each person on my desk by Saturday! I better not read boring things. I want all the juicy and good information. Hear me?” He says playfully. I nod understandably, but felt quite annoyed at the same time.

“Why don’t you work with Bucky? He knows how to write good reports!” Rufus pulls Bucky over and gives him a good slap on the back. He stumbles a little forward, almost right onto me.

“Sir, I don’t think that’s a g—”

“Saturday, y’all! I better see you working together! Natasha, with me! Good night, Mama Monkey!” Rufus says while dragging Natasha along with him, leaving both of us behind. I stare at him, confused at what on Earth had just happened.

Bucky clears his throat, bringing my attention back towards him. I look up at him and find his piercing blue eyes staring right into mine. My heart pounds and I immediately look away.

How long has it been since I last saw those beautiful eyes of his?

“It’s been a while.” Bucky says finally. His deep voice shook my insides, yet filled me with delight at the same time. I muster up the courage to look up at his face again. I give him a smile.

“It has. How was your mission? Did you get to find the creature?” I ask as we both make our way towards the office. He smiles.

“Well, it was a man with deformities on his body as a result of the hundreds of experimentations on him. There was a chip in his brain and controlled him. Long story short, he lost his mind and went rampage throughout the city for days. Took a while, but we contained him.” Bucky says while adjusting his watch. My heart pounds as I watch him. Such a simple gesture, yet makes my heart beat like mad.

“Where did you send him?”

“A lab in Zambia. They are rehabilitating him. It’s better than to prison the guy.”

I glance over at him. He clearly seems exhausted from the whole affair. They must’ve just returned home too. We’re talking quite normally too. Did he forget about the whole thing that happened over at Tony’s?

“How was your mission?” He asks, breaking the silence between us.

“Oh. We recaptured the SHIELD operating base in the Atlantic Forest from the terrorist group. They managed to salvage and deliver some of SHIELD’s classified information, but we have informed the bases whose information were leaked to. Hopefully nothing happens.” I say, remembering our mission. Then my mind drifts away to the book resting in my bag.

“And your teammates?” He asks.

“Working well and perfect. Skills have improved tremendously.” I say a little too proudly. When I look up at him, I find his eyes on me. I look away a little too quickly.

“W…we’re here. Let’s report in.” I say as I open the door for the both of us. But inside was empty. No one was in.

“Y/N…” Bucky calls out. I turn to look at him.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, tone laced with concern.

“What do you mean?” I ask him. Did he remember it after all? He approaches me carefully until there was barely any space between us.

“You… well, turned into Linda for a moment.” He says carefully. I feel my heart continue to race in my chest. I look down at the meeting table before nodding.

“I know. Steve saw it too.” I say while looking down at my hands. Oddly enough, I feel fine and in full control of myself. Maybe because Linda already appeared earlier today.

“What is the cause for that?” He asks. I shrug.

“Memories triggered are no longer shown by visions or dreams, but by action and words.” I say, guessing my own condition. Bucky reaches over and pulls my face to look at him. My breath caught in my throat.

“Is there a way to help you out of this?” He asks with a genuine tone. I look at him a little surprised.

“Aren’t you happy that Linda is here within me? I thought you loved her.” I say, a little confused. Bucky sighs before letting my face go.

“I have mixed feelings about it.” He answers. I raise an eyebrow.

“It’s just. This is not normal.” He says while brushing his fingers through his hair. I scoff before looking away.

“As though you are.” I say. Well, he knew Linda back when she was much younger. He’s not really normal in a sense of time.

“Y/N, you know what I mean.” He says. I glance over at him.

“What did you do to Linda back then?” I ask him straight on. He was surprised to hear that question.

“What do you mean?”

“She clearly hasn’t moved on. You must’ve done something to her to make her stay around in this realm. And live within me.” I ask him clearly.

“Just. Look, we’ll find a way to help you out, okay? I don’t think spiritual things like this will help you. You need actual medical attention.”

Oof. That stung me.

“Are you saying that I have a mental problem?” I ask him seriously. Panic surfaces in his eyes. He said without thinking and now he’s paying the price for his words.

“No, Y/N, that’s not what I mean. I was—”

“What are you both doing here?” The Director walks in looking at both of us. I didn’t wait. I walk past Bucky and pulled out the short report I filled in on the plane.

“Just handing this in, sir. If you’ll excuse me, I have to leave.” I say before nodding at the man and make my way through the door.

What Bucky said really burned into the back of my mind. I know Steve and Natasha has said even harsher things, but hearing it from Bucky himself hurts even more. But I suppose, what really hurts me most is that he has mixed feelings about seeing Linda again momentarily in my body.

I feel someone tug on my arm, pulling me back a little. I turn around to find Bucky holding it tightly, not letting me go.

“I’m done running. We have to really talk.” He says. I wrench my arm back away from him and stare him down.

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, we need to get to the bottom of this. We tried to ignore it, but now it has gotten worse. You need to seek help.” He says. I look at him surprised.

“So you do believe that Linda has been living inside of me this whole time?!” I shout at him. He pulls me away into an empty meeting room. He closes the door behind us and sighs out. It was silent for a moment.

“I saw her in you on the day I pulled you out of that building. I got emotional and immediately assumed it was you. I was proven wrong of course because I knew then that she was gone. So we thought you were her daughter or something.”

“Yeah yeah, that I already know. What I don’t understand is why do you choose to not tell me that you believe she really lives within me?” I ask him, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I thought the more I try to get to her, the more you would lose your mind, so I try to ignore it. Only to know that you’ve been slowly losing your mind your own way. To the point you even lost control of your own body.” He says. I catch his eyes glance down my body real quick before back up to my face.

My heart aches a little.

“So you actually believe that Linda is living in me?” I ask quietly. He nods.

“After that night, I do. There was no way that you could’ve said things like that. And those words did came out of Linda. I remember them. Even Steve was shaken from what he had seen when you lost it with him.”

I look down, resting myself on the table while staring down at the floor. So they believed it all along. Maybe they told me to ignore it in the first place so I won’t get this far. But even if I did, the memories come to me anyways. There was nothing I could do.

“You sound like you’ve seen this before.” I say, looking at him. He remains silent before looking over at his arm.

“I’ve had the experience first-hand, Y/N.” He says a little painfully.

I look down at his arm before up at his face. Seems like memories of a terrible life he lived flashes through his eyes in that very second. Then it clicked me. Bucky had been under the influence of HYDRA before, used as a weapon for killing. But he was brainwashed and frozen a lot so he doesn’t remember most of it during the time.

Had his experience been like mine? Losing control over my body just to watch it move and act on its own? Had he, the very own Bucky, been watching this other person kill people mercilessly all because he wasn’t able to control his own body.

That makes too much sense.

“So how do you control your mind once again?” I ask. He gives me a small smile.

“I make peace with my past. Accepting it and move on. That way I won’t have flashbacks or nightmares from the past.” He says, unconsciously leaning towards me. I watch him, searching through his face. My heart beat slows down. I felt at peace all of the sudden, being this close to Bucky.

“So are you saying I should make peace with Linda and stop fighting her?” I ask, swallowing down my nervousness. Bucky’s hand reaches up to my cheek to stroke it gently.

“Stop fighting her only to let her know your body belongs to you, and not her.” I couldn’t response. His lips were on mine. I close my eyes and gladly return it back. His lips felt soft against mine. It moves so gently, filled with a need I wasn’t familiar with. It was loving and caring. I have never felt a kiss like so.

And this time, I knew it was me who wanted to kiss him. Not this other person living within me. But the second his lips left mine, my body grows numb.

Before I knew it, I was staring down from within my mind as Linda looks up at Bucky.

“Bucky…” Linda says as she reaches her hands up to his face. A pure surprise and horror clouds over his face. I don’t think Bucky was expecting to see Linda come out at that moment.

“Bucky… it really is you. You are alive!” Linda says as she wraps her arms around his neck.

Then, black.

★ ★ ★

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Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #sebastian stan #sebastian x reader #captain america #captain america fanfiction #natasha romanoff #black widow #memories of us #mou

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

Text

Memories of Us - Chapter 16

A/N: Go ahead and enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): Angst Word Count: 4,117 Summary: Soldier Reader looks exactly like Linda, a woman Bucky used to love. Little by little, she uncovers his past with Linda and what had happened between them through her visions. As she does, her feelings for Bucky grew as well. But, one question remains: if Bucky returns her feelings, will it be for Reader or for Linda?

<< Previous Chapter ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

“The dog tag rests in my hand. The metal clinking against each other within my hand makes a painfully beautiful noise. It didn’t help that the clicks of the pebble bracelet around my wrist were making such a harmonized sound with it. I stand by the door with my chest twisting in pain. I stare at the name written just above the doorbell. The night is freezing cold, matching that of the sad nature of the news that I’m about to deliver.

After a week’s worth of search, I managed to find the girl Charles was talking about. I travelled back here with an excuse of leaving an important file in the office. I didn’t travel alone though. Bucky was here with me.

I hear the dog tag clink again within my grasp. I wanted to turn around and not deliver the news at all. I didn’t want to see the pain plastered over whoever this woman was. I have much of my own pain to deal with.

But if I don’t deliver the news, it’ll come to her sooner or later. If I don’t do it, she might have to find out the hard way since her name was not under the list of people to be contacted if anything happens to him.

Bucky’s hand wraps around my other, bringing back a little sense of warmth within my body. I look over at him, feeling the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. He gives me a sombre smile and wipe the tear away.

With a deep breath, I press on the door bell.

It took about a few seconds before we hear running footsteps. The door opens and a small blast of warm air breezes through us. A young woman with red hair and blue eyes stands by the doorway. My eyes glances down her dress almost automatically. My breath caught in my throat.

Pregnant.

“May I help you?” Her voice startles me. Her accent was German, but she knew how to speak English. I look up at her once again. I swallow the large lump in my throat.

“Frau Carolina Muller?” I ask hesitantly. She nods. I look over at Bucky, whose hand never left mine. I take another deep breath before mustering up the courage to look up at her face.

“I’m afraid I have a terrible news.”

I sit in meeting room quietly. Millions of thoughts racing through my mind. I flip the pen around, getting entranced by the continuous movement. I hear the door open and close behind me followed by heavy footsteps. I turn the chair around to see who it was.

Bucky.

He approaches me and pulls out the chair next to me. We were silent for a few moments. My thoughts continue to replay that night when I met the girl.

“His wife.” I manage to say finally.

I can feel Bucky wanting to question me who that girl was. He didn’t come into the house when I broke the news to her. He waited outside for me since he wanted to give us a private moment. I didn’t speak to him at all throughout the journey back. That night felt like the day I found out Charles’s death all over again.

“Charles’s?” He asks. I nod slowly, twirling the pen in my hand again.

“She’s pregnant.” He says quietly. I can hear his dog tag clinking against each other when he leaned forward. The noise made my heart wrench in pain.

“She is.” I answer simply while taking a deep breath.

“Married in secret.” I continue while placing the pen on the table.

I turn to look at Bucky. His blue eyes look like crystals under the moonlight. And his skin glowed slightly like the night under that tree. He gently takes my hand in his, holding it tightly. He runs his thumb over mine.

“Do you believe in that?” He asks quietly. I look at him. I wait for him to continue.

“Marrying in secret?” He asks again. I watch as his finger absentmindedly brush over my ring finger. My heart beats silently in my chest.

“If you love each other enough, then of course.” I answer, watching his fingers move on mine. He smiles.

“Like the tale of Romeo and Juliet.” He says with a small chuckle. I look at him, sorrow filling up my chest.

“Only that this is the reality with a raging war.” I pull my hand away from him slowly.

“…and that just like Romeo and Juliet, not everyone gets a happy ending. Like Carolina herself.” I turn the chair around to face the window. I stare outside where the soldiers are. They are busying themselves with late night training.

“Reality is cruel like that.” He continues, pulling himself next to me. I hold my hand and brush over the fingers Bucky had caressed so lovingly just now.

“You can’t live a life full of fairytales when reality is right at your door.” I say to myself while sighing out. Bucky’s eyes fall on me. He takes my hand in his once again, holding it and not letting it go.

“I’ve always thought the time I spent with you was like a fairytale.” He says. His words made my heart flutter. I look up at him slowly. He is wearing such a gentle smile. I turn away and pull my hand up quickly. I can’t. We can’t.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” I say quickly while rushing towards the door.

“How long are you going to keep treating me like this Linda?” He shouts at me. I grab onto the door knob and stop abruptly. I turn to look at him.

“How long are you going to keep giving me the cold shoulder?” He begs quietly as he approaches me. I look up at his face. He looks both sad and hurt. I turn away from him.

“We’re in the midd—”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” He slams his hand next to my head. I gasp at the loud thump. I swear I heard the wooden door crack underneath his palm. My body shivers from the fear. I look up to Bucky’s face. He’s staring down at me.

“Linda… I’m tired of this… Tell me what I need to do to make it right with you again…” He pleas quietly. My heart skips a beat at his request. A few tears escape his eyes but he wipes them away immediately. My chest tightens at the sight.

I wrap my arms around his neck tightly and hold him close to me. It hurts to see him sad. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close as he buries his face in my neck. His body shivering against mine.

How do I tell him? How do I tell him that, after that night of meeting Carolina, I saw what her lover’s death could do to her? The way she caressed her belly. How do I tell him how much pain goes through Carolina at the thought that the child growing in her belly is never going to meet his father?

How do I tell him that on that very night, was the night I had a vision of how much pain Bucky’s death is going to bring me?

“Stop pushing me away, Linda… I love you and I want to be with you…” He says weakly against my shoulder. My heart jumps at his statement. I pull away to take a look at him. His eyes still wet from the tears. I wipe it away. Words are still missing from my lips.

“And we made a promise didn’t we...?” He asks as he holds my hand to stop me from caressing his cheeks. His eyes were on mine.

“I can’t…” I say quietly while looking down. It was too much. Seeing Carolina’s pain and how much tears she shed in that single night was overwhelming. It consumed my mind for the nights to come. I was happy that Charles managed to leave a child in this world, but Bucky…?

“Linda. I promise you. I will search for you through our lifetimes if that is what it takes.” Bucky’s words pull me out of my thoughts. I look up at him surprised. He is repeating our promise.

“No matter how many lifetimes, I will find you and I will love you like I do now.” I stare right into him. I didn’t think, I just pressed my lips right into his. He returns it as hungrily before picking me up. He places me right on top of the table before tearing my clothes off. I tore his off as quickly as I can as well.

He wanted to feel me as much as I wanted to feel him. We held each other so tightly that it left a long last mark within us.

• • •

I carefully walk along the thick cords attached to the centre of the room. The glass case around the tube with the yellow liquid. I adjust my oxygen mask before moving another step. If I fall down into the boiling water underneath the cords, I’d be dead.

I take another brave step ahead before stepping safely onto the platform. I tap into the earpiece twice before looking at the glass case.

“Razak. Talk to me.” I say while looking around. The cameras are hacked with yesterday’s footage for only a few minutes, so I need to get out of there fast. It took me one and a half minutes to get across that bloody tube, so I need work quickly.

“Swipe right, swirl before zigzag.” He says into the ear piece. I tap on the glass, and a light blue box appears on it. I did as instructed. He leads me through the rest of the process before the case slowly opens.

Carefully, I take out the tube and place it in a heating box I carried behind me. I place in the fake substance before closing it back up. I walk back towards the cords and carefully start to make my way back to the rope.

Suddenly, I hear machines whirring right before metal doors opening. About five HYDRA soldiers run into the steamy room and looked around for me.

“Fuck. Horace! Get me out of here!” I yell into the mic.

“Hang tight, Y/N!” I hear his struggle behind the mic. I immediately pull out my gun and shoot off towards them. I maintain my balance on the cord while avoiding their gunshots.

I yell when one of the bullets dug itself into my thigh. I shoot back at two of the soldier before jumping from one cord to another. I gasp when I missed my step and slip. Immediately, I grip onto the cord tightly.

I muffle my scream when the tip of my boot was burned away by the boiling water and burning my toes. I pull up and hold onto the cord tightly. I get back on my feet, but it was starting to bleed, so I was in so much pain.

The steam was giving me more than enough cover, so I’m hiding well for now. Then, one of the soldiers spots me. I gasp and immediately shoot him right in his face. His mask broke and he starts to suffocate almost immediately.

“Y/N!!!” Horace yells from above as he drops down the rope. I quickly clamp it to my waist before pulling it twice. Horace starts to lift me up quickly with the other soldiers firing their bullets at me.

I yelp in pain when I finally reach the top after a bullet goes right against my ribs. Horace helps me up to my feet and we both immediately got out of there.

I lay in the hospital bed quietly, staring up at the white ceiling. I wonder how many times I have stared at the same one before. Or at least, same old white ceiling, but different places. I take a deep breath, only to be reminded of the stinging pain in my ribs.

The doctor put out a notice that I am to take about one week off for recovery. The rest of my team got out with small scratches, thankfully. I was the worst case from that mission. Because Razak had forgotten to turn off the alarm system when I opened the glass case.

I can’t blame the kid. He really did try. And that is a good progress.

“Back in the hospital again?” Steve says out of nowhere. I look up at him, surprised to see him. I give him a small smile before looking down at my bandaged feet.

“Nah. Just for another hour or two. Doctor needed to do the final check-up before letting me leave.” I say thankfully while sitting up on the bed.

Steve nods understandably while resting himself at the edge of the bed. I look at him, clearly seeing a question burning behind that skull of his.

“What brings you by?” Steve looks at me before letting out a sigh. He gives me his smile while looking around. I can see he is contemplating on whether it is the right time or not to talk to me about whatever he wants to. But I really don’t have the patience and I’m really not that stupid.

“It’s Bucky and what happened that night, isn’t it?” I ask him. A few moments of silence.

“Yeah.” He finally manages to say. Now I was the one letting out a sigh. My mind plays back to that memory of me and Bucky on that balcony.

I ran home that night, lost and confused. I called Emily immediately because I panicked for a moment. It was rare of me to be driven that unhinged by something.

I’ve been on the field for three years for goodness sake. I’ve seen the worse things possible on the battlefield, felt wounds beyond anyone’s imagination and even watched the people I care for die right before my very eyes. Yet, this was the one that made me panic beyond reason.

Probably because I’ve never actually experienced anything like it. Probably because I was afraid I couldn’t find my way back to my own mind. When I lost Mike, I felt lost and upset. But I didn’t lose myself. I knew I had duties and responsibilities and they are one of the reasons why I am continuing my fight.

“So, you’re going to tell me or not?” Steve asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. I stare at him for a moment before taking a deep breath. Only to be stopped again by the stinging pain in my ribs.

“Well, it’s hard to say. You didn’t believe me when I said it before.” I start while adjusting the covers on my legs. Steve raises an eyebrow.

“What? About you seeing those dreams and visions?” He asks. I nod slowly. Steve sighs while shaking his head.

“Y/N. You know that it could be the war messing with your head.” Steve says with a straight face. His blue eyes staring deeply into mine. I smile before letting out a small chuckle.

“Of course. I wouldn’t expect you to change your mind.” I say while resting my back on the pillow.

“Maybe those are just memories of your own past playing but you replaced the actual people in them with us.” Steve says attempting to persuade me. I run my fingers through my hair once before looking away. My fingers are going numb but I didn’t notice it. I was getting angry at him.

“Listen, Y/N. We never meant for you to dwell on these things. It is just a coincidence that you look like Linda. And you probably are just going through PTSD at the moment. Maybe you’re being a little…”

“Delusional?” I ask him straightforward.

He looks at me surprised, but there was a hint that I was right on his face. How can Steve say such things to me? Why is it so hard for him to believe anything regarding to Linda? My legs up to my torso have slowly gone numb. By the time I realize what was going on, it was too late.

“Y/N. Just let this thing go and stop going after it. Maybe you need to move on and focus on other things.” He says.

“You’re a soldier. So it was easy for you to say to move on, Steve. But I’m just a girl who happens to be the daughter of a General! I don’t have the heart or strength like you all do. Tell me, Steve. Tell me, how you can accept his death so calmly?!” I feel my body move forward and tears stinging in my eyes. I watch my shivering hands clench onto the bed sheets.

No no no no!! I lost it again!

Steve’s expression turns into a horrified one before he stands up and immediately backs away. Inside my own head, I was panicking and trying to find a way to control my body again. But to no avail. I watch myself move back before cupping my hands over my face. I was crying.

No, Linda, was crying.

Just as quick as that was, I immediately regain control over my body again out of nowhere. The tears stop immediately and I felt an overwhelming sense of panic inside my chest. I gasp for air and lean back against the bed. I push everything aside and attempt to get off the bed. But my feet was hurting badly.

Steve got a hold of me real quick and kept holding me in his arms. I was slowly hyperventilating. I couldn’t think or feel anything properly. Everything was there: sadness, anger and fear. I was shaking like a leaf. I don’t know how I lost it again. How I lost that control over my body.

“Y/N! Y/N! Stay calm!” Steve says, struggling to hold me down. I didn’t realize how much I was thrashing around to get away from him. I didn’t know where I wanted to go. All I know is I just want to get out of here. Out from this room. Out from this hospital. Just anywhere but here!!

“Let me go!!” I cry out desperately while I try to free myself from his grip. But it was no use. Steve was stronger than I am. After a while, I manage to calm down and breathe normally. Thank God the doctors or nurses didn’t see or hear any commotions coming from inside this room.

I sit down on the bed, holding my throbbing head in my hands. I wipe the tears away from my face and take a deep breath. This time, I ignored the stinging pain in my ribs. Steve slowly hands me a bottle of water. I look at it before carefully taking it and chugging it down.

We were silent for a few minutes.

“So that’s what Bucky was talking about.” Steve says quietly. I didn’t look at him. I just stared at the floor, gripping onto the bottle.

“You know, he was shaken.” He sits himself next to me on the bed. When he did, I manage to turn my head to look at him.

“Shaken?” I ask slowly. My voice was low and raspy. I couldn’t find any strength after that just now. Steve nods while sighing out.

“He said it was as though Linda appeared again before his eyes. It took him a second, but that memory of him and Linda hit him like a bus. He had no words or response to it.” He says while looking back at me. I close my mouth and twirl the bottle around in my hand.

“He was so afraid to see you again after that night.” He says. I blink.

“Why?”

Just as he is about to answer, a doctor and a nurse comes in. I look at both of them, almost a little angry that they came in at the wrong time.

“Miss L/N. We need to do a check-up, then you can leave. Is he taking you home?” The doctor asks while pointing his pen over at Steve.

“Oh n—”

“Yes, yes he is.” I butt in. Steve looks at me surprised but the doctor nods in response.

I’m not leaving this as it is. I need to get to the bottom of this before I go through another of that. Twice I’ve seen what it does to me and I do not want to go through it again. The nurse ushers Steve outside so the doctor can check my wounds. After about twenty minutes, the doctor gives me a green light and medication before heading out of the room.

Steve enters the room again. I was surprised he actually stayed.

“Well, ready to go?” He asks. I nod and slowly limp my way down the hall. Steve was kind enough to just swoop me up in his arms and carry me down to his car. I won’t deny that I felt embarrassed when he did. But also, felt sweet.

We start the drive back to my home. The silence between us was louder than I anticipated.

“Continue.” I break the silence. Steve glances over at me before gripping onto the steering wheel.

“Well. Bucky was afraid to see you again because of how you reacted after that.” He says.

“Yeah, no kidding. You have an out of body experience like that and you’ll tell me how you’ll react when you regain your body again.” I say while looking out of the window. Steve is too silent at that. I turn to look at him. His expression is yet again, unreadable.

“When I was first given the serum, I did feel like that. Felt like that. It took me awhile before I was finally accepting the fact that I look this way now.” He says with a small smile. I look away, feeling a little embarrassed at myself.

“I see.” I say quietly. I suppose if you were just a normal kid one day and become a superhero the next, you’d take some time to come to terms with the way you are now.

…

Is that how I am now?

“But… coming to terms with this? Losing control of my body and getting taken over by another person? How can I accept that?” I ask, feeling my body tremble again at the memory. I was alive in my mind. But I wasn’t the one controlling my own body or actions. This other person, Linda, did.

Steve sighs out.

“I know. I trust Bucky, but saying things like ‘Linda came back’ was a little too much for me to accept. I thought he was still clinging onto her.” Steve says quietly. I look at him, suddenly feeling this surge of anger boiling up.

“What do you mean?” I ask with an edge in my tone. Steve glances over at me, clearly finding the right words to put together without offending either me or Linda. He knew if he did, things will not go well.

“Listen, Y/N. I believe you now. I saw it with my own eyes. Linda said the exact same things and reacted the exact same way as she did when Bucky died. It threw me off because that was one of the memories I tried so hard to forget. It took her a while, but she finally moved on.” He says as he stops at a red light. I stare blankly ahead. My mind is replaying back what Emily said before.

“Except that she didn’t.” I say. Steve looks over at me before back at the road.

“What makes you say that?” He asks. I look down at my trembling hands again.

“Because she has some unfinished business with Bucky.”

“Business?” He asks curiously. I shrug, staring out the window.

“Maybe that’s why she hasn’t completely moved on. Come on, Steve. Tell me you don’t know anything about him and Linda? I’m sure he told you things.” I say, getting frustrated at this behaviour. Things are going quite slow and I’m not sure it’s either because Steve really doesn’t know anything or because I haven’t pushed him hard enough for answers.

“I don’t really remember much.” He says. I furrow my eyebrows.

“You’re lying.” I accuse him. He lets out a loud sigh before looking at me.

“Fine. Maybe I do know things. But you have to ask him yourself.” He says while taking a different turn. I grip onto the seat before letting out a hiss when I felt a strain in my torso.

“Where are we going?” I ask him while looking around the street.

“Bucky’s.”

★ ★ ★

☀ Next Chapter >>

A/N: Don’t forget to leave a like, or a comment! I would appreciate it if I could hear your thoughts and comment on this chapter/story!

Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #captain america #captain america fanfiction #steve rogers #memories of us #mou

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violecentstrs · 8 years ago

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Memories of Us - Chapter 15

A/N: Ayayayay! It’s been... 4 weeks since I last posted! I am so incredibly sorry for that. But as you may know, I have been quite busy with moving and unpacking, so I barely had the time to properly sit down and write. I actually still am in the process of unpacking, but, I made my time and write when I am free. Some of these were written in a hurry, so I sincerely apologize. But without further ado! Please enjoy this chapter! This series is coming to an end, so just a heads up! Thank you so much for reading!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): Death and angst Word Count: 3,746 Summary: Soldier Reader looks exactly like Linda, a woman Bucky used to love. Little by little, she uncovers his past with Linda and what had happened between them through her visions. As she does, her feelings for Bucky grew as well. But, one question remains: if Bucky returns her feelings, will it be for Reader or for Linda?

<< Previous Chapter ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

“You’ve got everything you need?” I say weakly.

Charles loads up his truck with supplies and enough weapon to break through a small Nazi base. They needed to recapture that particular town in order to advance forward. I hug my coat close to my body as I watch him tighten the ropes around the bundles of blanket.

“Yeah. We’ll be back in two or three weeks.” He says while dusting his hands off. Even his voice sounds weak. For some reason, my heart is racing. I was worried about him of course. Going off into enemy base and trying to fight their way through a blockade. Who knows how successful they will be.

But my heart was racing with such an uneasy feeling.

“Linda…” He calls out to me.

“Yes?” He stays silent for a few moments before pulling out a letter. He hands it over to me with a warm smile.

“In case anything happens, can you pass this to Carolina Muller ? She lives in the previous town.” I look down at his hand and the letter. It was pink with a handmade heart wax seal on it. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I blink them away before looking up at him.

“No. You will give it to her yourself when you come back.” I say confidently. He replies back with a smile before tucking the letter back in his suit pocket.

“You’re right. I suppose I should give it to her myself.” He says. He scans over at the camp, watching the two other trucks and tanks loaded and ready to go. After he lets out a small sigh, he pulls me into a tight hug.

I gasp from the suddenness before returning it just as tightly.

“Come back safely, all right?” I whisper into his neck. He only replied with his arms tightening further around me. After a few seconds, we let go of each other. The warmth lingering between us.

“Thank you, for everything, Linda.” He brushes his hand through my hair once before planting a kiss on my forehead. Those words sounded awfully like last ones. I wanted to reply but the driver called him up.

He climbs up into the truck next to the driver and closes the door behind. I watch his expression swirl from happiness to sadness almost immediately. I watch as the truck comes to life, followed by the others and make their way down the road.

I had many regrets in my life. But one of the biggest ones… was not taking that very letter.

Unspoken sadness wraps around within my chest. I drop the tray of tea and biscuit I had brought in for my father. The pot and cups shattered upon contact and hot tea was soaking right into the wooden floor. It startled Steve, Bucky and my father. He shoots me an angered look.

“My God! You’re so careless, Linda! Clean that up!”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I was frozen in fear and grief.

“Linda, are you all right?” Steve asks worriedly as he stands up. Even Bucky was about to run over towards me.

“Mind her not, Captain, Sergeant. Let’s get back to our discussion.”

Steve stays still before nodding and sits back down. Bucky hesitates for a moment, keeping his eyes on me while sitting back down. He tosses worried glances over at me every now and then.

“LINDA!” My father shouts at me. It startled me. I look at him, but I couldn’t see him properly. My eyes were blurry. Steve’s and Bucky’s expression turns into pure horror at the sight.

“What are you crying for, child?! It’s not like you’re not used to seeing papers of dead soldiers! Clean that up and get back to work!” My heartless father orders me. I complied absentmindedly. I clean up the mess, unconsciously gripping onto the broken shards. It sliced through my hands, but I couldn’t feel the pain.

It wasn’t as strong as the one in my chest right now.

“Oh for the love of! Linda! What are you doing, child??” My father stands up. I couldn’t even process anything he said. I look down at my bloody hands. The pain now slowly seeping through my body after seeing the blood trickling down to the floor.

“I’ll take her to the infirmary.” Bucky says urgently as he rushes over to me. There were small pieces of glass lodged in between the wounds. When he stands up, he glances over at my table. When he saw it, he knew what had happened.

I couldn’t think for myself. My mind was blank, my heart was hollow and my body was weak. I feel faint and weak. Bucky had to hold me tightly against him to keep me from falling.

The image of what I had just seen flashes through my mind again.

CHARLES JUSTIN MCDARROW: KILLED IN ACTION

When we got to the infirmary, Bucky had the nurse treat my wound. The tears were pouring, but I wasn’t making any noise. And Bucky’s arms were always around me, holding me tightly.

“Linda…” He says. I know he called me, but I couldn’t respond. I was lost in my own mind. His hand brushes through my hair. He looks over at the nurse.

“Can you give us a minute?” She nods understandably and walks out of the tent.

“Linda, listen to me…” Bucky calls out with a soft voice.

I was yet again able to move or make a sound at all. Bucky’s gentle hands continue to hold me. He was attempting to keep me warm. But I honestly couldn’t feel it. My body is cold. My insides are cold. My heart, is cold.

“He was a good kid. He died for the country he loved. He’s truly a soldier of honour.” I stare blankly in front of me.

Bucky moves my face so I would look at him. But all he saw was emptiness in them. It sent shivers and fear around his body. He has never seen me like this, and it scared him.

“Linda… please…” He says while holding me tightly in his arms. I lay limp against him like a rag doll. I was incapable to feel anything. I don’t know how to after that.

“Please… come back. Don’t do this to me. Linda...” What he said somehow got into me. I slowly look over at him. His body is shivering against mine.

My chest tightens and my stomach twists. The sadness is now filling up that void within my chest. Almost immediately I started to bawl. Bucky buries my face into his chest, holding me tightly. I cry and scream into his chest.

I grip tightly onto his shirt, soaking it with my tears, snot and drool. I couldn’t control myself. I cry out painfully into his chest all the while he was holding me. He rocked me back and forth while I was bawling.

The one person who had taught me what love from a family felt like is now gone. Gone just like that. And on top of that, regret. Regret of not accepting that letter. Regret of not being able to fulfil his last wish.

It made the grief within my chest grow even more. My grip on Bucky had caused for the bandages on my hands to be completely soaked in my own blood.

I didn’t know how long it lasted. All I knew was the never ending tears and screaming followed by the immense aching pain in my chest. I was exhausted and fell right asleep after it all.

That night Bucky never left my side. He kept holding me tightly in his arms. I can tell that he was scared to see me like this.

I didn’t know this at the time, but he was talking to Steve about it. He saw the void in my eyes and got terrified. He said that he was afraid to let me go. Afraid that if he does, I would slip away into an abyss.

Afraid that if he leaves me alone, I would disappear from him forever.

• • •

“Catching your breath, Y/N?” Tony asks while stretching out. In one of his hands is a glass of brandy. I smile and nod.

“I’m not always one for parties.” I admit to him. He scoffs and takes a sip of it.

“Welp, it doesn’t hurt to just relax every now and then. Tell me, how well do Cap, Barnes and Romanoff teach you?” His tone was curiosity laced with sarcasm. He just likes to make fun of other people, huh?

“Very well. My performance has improved greatly.” I say, keeping my eyes peering over the distance.

“Hmm. See, that’s the thing. You should just learn how to build and operate machines because they are the best at doing the works. I can help you, but you have to pay me. How many guys have you been with?” He says. My body shivers at his question. I can tell he is drunk now. I sigh out and look at him.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark. Your offer is generous, but I am doing fine as of now.”

“Hm. Fine fine. Don’t answer the question then. I was just curious.”

“Stark.” I hear Bucky’s voice call out from behind us. I look over at him, relieved.

“What’s up, Barnes?” He asks. His elbow slips, spilling a bit of his brandy before he balances himself again.

“Wilson is trying out one of your suits.”

“That’s impossible. They’re all locked away.” He answers and finishes his drink. Bucky approaches him closer and clears his throat. As a warning.

“Better go check, or someone will end up getting hurt.” Bucky says a little more stern now. Clearly that last bit was more for Tony than anyone else. Tony chuckles and holds his hands up.

“All right, goldfish. I’m going.” He says and heads back inside. I rest my head against my arms.

“You all right?” He asks while placing a hand on my shoulder. His hand feels warm against it. It felt nice.

“How is he an Avenger if he acts like that?” I ask. Bucky chuckles before shrugging.

“Tony is egoistic and flirtatious. It just doubles over when he is drunk. So just be careful around him at all times.” His hand moves up to my hair to stroke it. My heart beats within my chest at his touch.

I laid in bed all of last night, thinking of what I did. Sure, Bucky and I have been having intimate moments, but I was more than determined to stop them because of my visions. Though, now I’m not so sure. After what Emily had said, I felt like I can’t help but want to be close to Bucky again. Maybe this was my first step to help find some kind of closure for both Bucky and Linda.

“Yeah, well, despite it all, he is a pure genius. Borderline a maniac too.” I say sarcastically. But I kept a bit of truth in that tone as well. Bucky chuckles as he twirls his finger with the ends of my hair.

“Though, I do have the same question.” He says. His hand never letting go of my hair. I look over at him.

“How many guys have you been with?” I blush at his question. It sounded awfully weird coming from Tony. So to have Bucky ask me that makes my own feelings clash. I press the bottle of water to my lips, looking away in the distance.

“If you don’t want to answer, I can respect that.”

He’s right. I really don’t. Out of irritation or embarrassment, I don’t quite know.

“You don’t find anyone interesting at all?” He asks again while retreating his hand back. I whimpered inside. His touch was warm and soothing. So I started to miss that feeling when he stopped.

“Of course I find a lot of people interesting…” I answer truthfully.

“I just don’t know if it is the right time.” I continue while never glancing over at him.

“Well, maybe you’ll find someone while you’re working.” He smiles.

The railing clinks underneath his metal hand. It caught my attention. I watch the way the light glimmers on that hand. Then my eyes drift up to him. From his shiny metal hand up to the muscles, then to his neck right before up to his face. His hair neatly combed and emits a soft dark glow.

He’s wearing a dark maroon shirt with black sweatpants, containing away all of those muscles within. His metal arm gleams underneath the moonlight.

His skin seems to glow within the dark. As though there is a soft light around him. I blush at the sight. A memory passes through my mind. The same one I had before. A night under the tree.

“What is it?” He asks, catching me staring at him. I turn my head away.

“Nothing. Maybe I’ll find someone.” My heart beats fast.

My tone was straightforward, but I was lying to myself. I do like Bucky. I will not deny that. But the only thing stopping me is, if the feelings I have for Bucky truly belonged to me. The visions and dreams are mixing my own feelings around.

As a soldier, I see Bucky as nothing more than a super soldier who taught me how to shoot. But as a woman, I see him as a man who’s been through a lot yet manages to muster up the strength and will to fight for what is right. I admire him for it. And sometimes, that admiration felt more than just that.

“How do you imagine him to be like?” His voice distracts me from my thoughts. My heart beat grows faster. Why is he asking me this? It’s slowly making me restless. I was nervous. I don’t want to give away any hint to him that I may like him.

I tap the bottle of water against the railing slightly.

“I don’t mind. So long he cares for me sincerely, that’s all.” I answer quickly. It was silent for a few moments.

“You really don’t see yourself with anyone currently?” He asks. I chuckle nervously. The image of me and Bucky together in the park crosses my mind. With me holding onto his arm as we laugh at a comment I made about the old man dressed in a green scuba-diving outfit while swimming in the small lake.

I blink the thought away immediately, feeling so embarrassed at it. Yet it does hurt me to feel that way about that beautiful image. Because in reality, I’m just a soldier who looked like Bucky’s ex-lover. What if that image I saw in my head had actually belonged to Linda and not me? My head swirls around.

“I’m a soldier trying to fight for the position of a Commander so I can help end the fights before they start. I hardly have time to find love if anything.” I finish the drink slowly. Bucky chuckles. I glance over at him.

“I was a soldier, or am a soldier too, you know?” He says quietly. I raise an eyebrow.

“I suppose we both have different views in the matters of love and when to find it.” I say before looking up at the sky.

“I suppose so.” He trails off. I look over at him.

He is busy staring down at the streets. I don’t know how to have a conversation with him without my mind being clouded by the visions and dreams. Imagining him in his prime days. How handsome, strong and clever he is. How he looked like when I was underneath him.

It just makes me feel odd since those memories didn’t belong to me. They gave me a glimpse of what it would be like to be with Bucky. I wonder if I would have even met him if he hadn’t fell off that train. I wonder, if he hadn’t been taken over by HYDRA, would he and Linda have had a family of their own?

My chest aches terribly. The very own thought made my heart swell with sadness and jealousy. Knowing well enough where that particular sadness comes from. I close my eyes, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. I take a deep breath to clear my mind out while blinking the tears away several times.

“I can feel your thinking fumes.” He says while looking at me. I blink again before shaking my head.

“It’s nothing.” I lie while toying with the bottle cap.

“Talk to me.” He insists, moving closer to me. I swallow a small lump in my throat. Should I tell him what I told Natasha and Steve? About these visions and dreams? I hesitate for a moment, keeping my eyes away from him. My legs and arms felt like they are going numb. Am I that nervous?

“I was wondering…” I trail off, twirling the bottle around between my fingers. His eyes felt intense on me. I swallow again. Just tell him. Tell him about how Linda has been intruding in my life by sending me visions of their pasts together during random moments of the day. My body grows completely numb. I can’t feel anything from my body at all.

“I was just wondering what life would have been like if you and I had built a family together.”

…wait. What?

No. No. No. That’s not what I wanted to say at all. No no!

“Just imagine life in a cabin out in the woods somewhere. Away from the war. Away from SHIELD. Away from HYDRA. Away from danger. Away from, my father.”

I freeze.

It… wasn’t me. I didn’t say any of those things. I can’t even control my own body. What is going on??

I feel my head move towards Bucky. I can clearly see the horror in his eyes. As though his life was flashing before his eyes.

“Wouldn’t you like that, Bucky?” My hand moves to hold his. I can feel how much his hand is shaking. But I couldn’t pull my hand away or do anything. It feels as though I’m in a movie theatre, watching a scene unfolding before me. And I couldn’t do or say anything to change it.

“Linda…?” Bucky utters the single word.

My heart drops. I suddenly felt my head spin uncontrollably. As though I was in a merry go round ride at the speed of a race car. I felt like my body was being torn apart pieces by pieces from how intense it felt.

All of the sudden, I can feel my whole body again. My hand was still holding onto Bucky’s. And his pure horrified expression never changed. I immediately pull my hand away, overwhelmed by confusion and fear.

I stumbled back, tipping my upper body over the balcony rails. Bucky quickly catches me and pulls me close to him. I drop my water bottle and we watch as the bottle drops fast down from the tower.

It lands right on the pavement, probably torn itself apart, and luckily no one was there. The bottle made an awful echo back up to my ears, and I felt my heart race quickly at it. Bucky’s racing heart beats against my chest when I turn to look back. His arms gripping around my waist tightly and my face inches away from his.

I instantly remember what just happened when I saw the growing fear in his eyes. I pull myself away from him carefully while holding my throbbing head.

“Y/N…?” Bucky calls out, worried. He places his hands on my shoulders, but I jerked them away automatically. I look over at him, hugging my own shivering body tightly.

I was confused, scared and weirded out by what just happened. It felt like my soul left my body for a minute and I was someone else. It didn’t feel normal. I remembered it all. Seeing how my own body moved and my voice spoke, yet I wasn’t the one in control of them.

I look at my shaking hands. They didn’t feel like my own hands anymore.

“I… I have to go.” I say urgently before running back inside the room. Without looking or saying anything to anyone, I take my coat, slip it on and rush into the elevator.

“Y/N! You’re leaving already??” Steve shouts from the sofas. I give him a quick look just as the door closes. His expression drops just before he turns back towards Bucky, who is standing by the door of the balcony.

When the elevator door closes, I saw my own reflection against the metal doors. I stare at it, but I can feel my eyes growing blurry the longer I do. I pull my hoodie over my head and look down at the marble floor.

No use. I can still see my own reflection.

I close my eyes and wait for the elevator to reach down. But seconds felt like hours. When it finally opened, I rush out of the main entrance. I take in a few deep breaths of fresh air, trying to comprehend what is going on within me.

I look around the streets and up the tower at where Bucky and I just stood minutes ago. And it reminded me of how terrifying that out of body experience I just had then. I close my eyes, trying to hold back the tears from coming.

I don’t know what’s going on. My body just acted on its own. And according to how Bucky reacted, I must’ve said something Linda did back then. I widen my eyes when I realized it.

What if… Linda had just momentarily took over my body?

I shut my thoughts out before turning around to make my way back home. It is a long way back, but I needed to be alone. I needed to sort my mind out.

I felt something scrunch underneath my boot. I lift it up to see that it was the exact same bottle that I had accidentally dropped. My heart aches at the sight.

The cap was broken, but the body was still intact. Only it had been crumpled up because I stepped on it. And that, was too real for me. I quicken my pace, matching it to the running thoughts in my head.

Because just like that broken bottle, my own head, has been shattered up.

★ ★ ★

☀ Next Chapter >>

A/N: Ohhhh. Getting intense! Don’t forget to leave a like, or a comment! I would appreciate it if I could hear your thoughts and comment on this chapter/story!

Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #captain america #captain america fanfiction #tony stark #memories of us #mou

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