visumper

[visumper]

I’m losing it. Slowly, surely— it was inevitable. I am in the middle of a process I didn’t even know began. Time does not heal, nor does it allow you to forget. Time lets the ruin fester, time lets things get worse. Time tears us away, until we are but bones and flesh. When do we become conscious of these changes? When is it, that we are hit with the cruel and cold realization that we are in fact, no longer the same?

When is it, that we recognize the differences, when is it that we are suddenly able to face it? It happens, all of the sudden. As memory fails us. Once, twice, evermore. One day, it all just clicks. It’s not the good kind of click. Not the type where the final puzzle piece slides in perfectly between the others, no— it’s far more cruel. The click is like handcuffs. As soon as we realize the metamorphism has begun, we are weak, useless. We are unable to stop it. Life wants. And wants. More, and more, and more and more.

It will take, and steal, until we run out of things to have taken. It declined. The change began, one day. It is not an event written on the calendar in black ballpoint ink, no, it’s invisible. It’s there, written on a paper box labeled with a number. But we don’t realize the things that are to happen, until it hits us first. But oh, when it hits, it hits hard. It happened, just once. And that’s all it took to ruin me. Once, just once. It happened only once, and it created fear. I am a slave to my fear. I dare not raise a hand nor words against it.

I am sitting in mud. Dreary black waters. A swamp. Flies, buzzing around, waiting until the grime erodes my skin and decays me down to the bone. The flies wait to feast. There is lush hills somewhere. On the same earth. Perhaps nearby. But I do not move. I do not stand. Before I became aware, I would have gotten up. I would have searched for grass and flowers and trees and wild deer. No, now I sit with the drone of flies in my ear sinking further. Further, deeper down. Sinking, always sinking. I’ve lost. This is another thing I have become aware of. I’ve lost, because I did not bother to fight. And so, this is the price for loss. For giving up too early. For not even trying to begin with. The rats scorn me. But even they are waiting: like the flies.

This will drive me insane. This ruined me. This killed me, this destroyed me. I am bones. I am nothing but bones. There is a heart, perhaps, sunken at the bottom of the murk. There is a lung, perhaps, in stomachs shared by rats. And there is the buzz of flies, evermore. I’m losing it. I’ve lost it. I’ve lost. It was inevitable. Slowly, surely. It took layers of me, one by one. I am bones. Oh dear, I am nothing but bones. Did the flies continue to buzz, with something akin to satisfaction? Realize Metamorphosis.

[visumper]

I talked to an old friend. It wasn't even a full conversation. I simply mustered the courage to send a "happy birthday" after not talking to them for a year. We exchanged some words, pretended to joke a bit like old times, and that was it. The default reaction to a message, that little read heart.

I haven't talked to any of them in too long. So long, that I rarely think of them anymore. I'd like to think I moved on. I branched out. I found new people. I recovered. I think I did to an extent, at least. See, we knew each other for a good while. All of us talked a lot, and it was fun. Those days were always fun. I'd always be the last in the car if we were talking, because I didn't want to stop.

I'd take showers at 10 pm. Sometimes 11. I would wait until everyone eventually said goodbye for the night. I'd always had a sinking doubt, ever present in the back of my mind, but I chose to ignore it. I chose to trample the thought, even. To destroy it. To believe the opposite. I was disillusioned by my own desperation, my own loneliness.

See, I wanted to stay friends with them forever. I wanted to continue those talks. I didn't mind the late showers. But then, one day, it all just stopped. Everything went quiet. Dead. I didn't even know what happened, until I got a rough summary from one of them. There's only two I still talk to, sometimes.

I guess they broke apart. I didn't think it would ever happen, because I thought they were close. I thought they were fine. I thought we were fine.

I love the people I've met after them. They're fun. They're air.

They're air.

But now I know, this won't last. But I want it to. Can we not stop where we're at? Can we not move on? Can we stay like this?

No,

No, we cannot.

It's a fact I know, a fact I acknowledge. But something I seriously don't want to accept. I'm holding onto you too, now. Fearful to let go. But my grip is weak, loose. I know I should be ready. I've tightened my hold, if only just a bit-- despite knowing I should hold onto it with only two fingers.

I want to believe I moved on, but is it wrong to miss it? I shouldn't want more than this. I shouldn't need more than this. But I'm a reminiscent, sentimental, gloomy slug at heart. I hold onto things I shouldn't.

I hold onto the kite's strings, even when the wings are torn.

I hold onto the strings, even when the kite is long gone.

What's left in my hands is no longer bright colors guided by wind.

Only a dirty string, that I know needs to be thrown away.

Has it ever left my hand?

[visumper]

Oh yeah upload post lmao i forgoroe i had tumblr 💀

Curiosity could not kill the cat

(An eensy bit fucked up, just a little)

[visumper]

hey. pssst. hey there.

could you perhaps lend me. three. no, four colours perhaps. i promise i’ll give them back. after a few centuries.

and perhaps. a quote. any quote. multiple, even.

and… let’s say. a number. between 1…. and 31. and another. between 0…… and 6. no, 7. yes. perfect.

i await.

What now. Ok. Yeah. Sure. Ok.

Four colors ummmmm

Red, blue, green, purple

Number between 1 and 31 (this is oddly specific): 27

Number between 0 and 7: 2

And quotes hmmmmm

Making me break out a random book from my bookshelf smh

“Have you ever seen your fiance? He could be really ugly.” (Caraval)

“Aled’s random breakdown.” (Radio Silence)

“I’ve been thinking about… about what to do about Moai.” (I am blue, in pain, and fragile)

[visumper]

UE UE UE

the amount of impact these simple lines gave me

[visumper]

Fanfiction, yes, very kewl

[visumper]

Endline snippets but its Kaemory and im crying also Pretty Face by PUBLIC is literally the kaemory song ever,,, UE UE UE… also kae pov

I’m holding her hand. Oh. That’s kind of embarrassing. I can feel my face start to heat up when I realize and try to pull my hand away. It’s weird, because I can’t feel anything. My limbs— they’re all numb. When I try to move my hand, I can’t tell if it even moves or not. I try looking around, but all I see is a bunch of stupidly bright red and Em’s pretty face. Ugh. Why can’t I open them more? It feels like my eyes are only half open. Maybe they are. My vision’s blurry too, but I can still see her clearly. She’s the only clear thing I see, as if she’s the only person my eyes focus on.

She’s crying. There’s other people too, I think. I can’t hear them well since my hearing feels all muffled too. I can’t tell who they are, since they’re nothing but colored blobs. Haha. This kind of feels like I got Sporis bombed by Mari. This is a little different though. Ah… I don’t think this is just a mushroom this time.

Where’s Aza? I feel like I’m drunk and high at the same time. I hate Aza’s stupid medicines because they taste like shit like Mari’s cooking, but they work pretty damn well. I force myself to focus, because Em’s definitely crying. I should probably comfort her, right? That’s what girls like, right? In the end I end up asking about Aza. Were he and Rowan still dealing with Aid? I still need to beat Rowan at table tennis. I still need to beat Aza at darts.

It’s hard not to be jealous of those two. Haha. They’re so talented. They remind me a lot of my siblings…

“Wh…” I manage to get out. Em’s grasp on my hand gets tighter. My hand is the only thing I can feel on my body. It’s almost like my brain shut off everything else. Kinda like “hey, make sure to only focus on Em totally holding your hand! You love-drunk hot hunk!”

… why am I thinking about this, anyways? I’m not hot nor a hunk.

“Aza?” I gasp out. Why is it so hard to talk? This is bad. This reminds me of when I couldn’t speak at all. Couldn’t defend myself from being accused of that stupid fucking…

Em starts sobbing even harder. Did I do that? It’s like the cries get louder and louder, as if the other unknown blobby people are crying to. Why? What happened? Did something happen to Aza? Where is he? If the blob people are crying, then they must be from Score, too, right? Rowan maybe… Mari? Lucius? No. Lucius is missing, probably dead. Verdict got to him… Rowan or Mari, then? Are they all here? Where’s Aza?

Em is wailing still, and I don’t know why. Somehow I get my fingers to clasp onto hers a little more. I can’t tell if I’m in pain or not. Everything’s numb and I can’t feel anything, but this situation’s just way too weird. Why can I barely move? Why can’t I talk? I have so many questions. My eyes involuntary start to close even more, and I yell at them in my head because I want to look at Em longer. I want my hand to move, to cup her cheek and my mouth to comfort her. But my body won’t move at all. It’s like my legs are nonexistent, too.

And then I start to think.

Am I dying?

“Em?” I croak. My voice sounds all wrong. It’s all broken up and quiet. Lucius would’ve made fun of me for it. You know, he was a scheming slimy bastard, but I do kind of miss him. Just kind of. Only kind of.

“Lo…ve… you,” I say, without thinking at all. Because what if I really am dying? I don’t even realize I’ve just confessed to the absolute love of my life. This could just be some weird circumstance, right? A minor injury I’m being overdramatic about, right? Even still, everything about this feels wrong.

I’d rather die a hundred Verdict executions before I die before confessing to her. Any execution but the Wall, of course. Because then Em and Mari and Rowan and Aza and Lucius would die too. Also Lucius is probably dead. So maybe he doesn’t count.

When I was accused, I couldn’t speak at all. After that, I became afraid of being quiet. But then I found Mari and Score. And through Score I found Em and the others. So to hell with the accusations, to hell with the rumors. To fucking hell with the life I had before, because this is better.

I like this. I like these people.

I like you. A lot. I love you.

Her pretty eyes widen at around the same time I realize what I’ve said. I laugh like a goofy man, the laugh coming out sounding like a dying run-over hedgehog on drugs and steroids with mega bass boost.

Weird simile, Mari would probably say.

Rowan taught me that one, I’d like to reply.

And then she smiles. Her eyes are still sad and teary, but she’s smiling and her hand is so warm.

I don’t know what’s happening at all, but I really do hope I wake up again. I hope I’m not dying, because I still need to beat the twins at their respective games. I hope I’m not dying, because I mainly want to be able to hug Em and confess again and again.

I can’t see her anymore, but I can hear her.

“I love you, Kae.”

That’s enough for me.

[visumper]

Endline snippets: AAAAAH

“I told you already,” Aza was getting annoyed. “I’m not saying anything.” Aid stared down at him, looking bored.

“Well, you’re boring, aren’t you?”

“I’m not a sick motherfucker who tortures people in his free time.”

Aid sighed and got up off of his stool. “This is my job, boy. If I were off the clock I’d be at home with my wonderful doggies.” He ran a hand through his hair as he repositioned himself against the wall. “Rowan. Tally Five.” The officer stared at his captive, searching for any changed in his demeanor.

Aza’s lips pressed together in a line with a grimace while Aid’s eyes widened along with his sickly, angled grin. “Number twenty-eight,” he murmured into Aza’s ear. The boy’s eyelids raised as his pupils shifted.

Aid snickered. “You’re still a novice, boy,” he reached into his uniform pocket and drew a piece of paper like he would a card. Holding it between his fingers, he flipped it over. Aza paled. It was a copy of her Contamination Center ID. Something he’d only just recently learned she had— which was strange, due to her lack of Infliction symptoms. The ID contained almost everything about his twin, including the most important thing: her number.

He had tried so hard to keep both their numbers protected from Verdict or any other outside threats. Removing the chip, which was lodged within the sides of their necks beneath the scanner code, would’ve been far too risky.

As long as they had the chips, and Verdict had the numbers, either or both of them could be killed easily. Twenty-eight.

“The first rule of interrogation is to never let the interrogator know your weakness,” he sighed again. “Two points out of ten. Bonus points for effort, I guess. Nice try, but try again, Number ninety-four.”

[visumper]

Endline snippets again. Cry.

“That was the original’s heart, wasn’t it?” A chill passed through my veins as I listened to their exchange over the line. “That’s why no one suspected a thing. Because unlike your regular 2M’s, you had a heart.”

I furiously shredded at the lock, twisting in the combinations we’d come up with. We can get to them in time. I’ll make it, and we’ll get them both out.

“… I didn’t know until it was too late, but I was an infected, too.” I almost dropped the lock. “That’s the whole reason why I made a second “me.” I couldn’t… I couldn’t leave you alive alone, especially if he got his hands on you again.”

5361. No. 5362. No. 5363. No. 5364. No.

“But… the others… are good. I trust them… with you.”

5378. No. 5379. No.

There’s voices in the back behind Rowan’s. Likely Aza. And… Aid.

“So… I think it’s okay.”

Stop. Don’t say that. 5381. No. 5382. No.

“I think… she would feel assured, knowing you’ll be in good hands.”

Stop. Please.

5393. 5394. 5395. 5396. 5397. Faster— move faster.

The sound cuts off into complete silence.

I know what happened.

But I continue to slide in numbers, as I bitterly weep.

[visumper]

Endline snippets but im choosing war today

“I can’t do that,” Aza whimpered as he stared at the singular bullet in Aid’s gloved hand. “I can’t kill her.”

Aid scoffed and shoved him against the wall. “You don’t get a choice. It’s either her, or the rest of your group.”

Aza’s eyes darted to his twin. Her gaze was cast away from him. When she spoke, she sounded defeated. It was so unlike her typical confidence— and it scared him. “Do it,” she rasped.

“You know I can’t,” Aza gasped as he tried to argue with her. Rowan said nothing.

Aid loaded the gun with the bullet. “What’s taking you so long? Hurry up already,” he frowned. “I have places to be.”

The medic whirled around and glared at him. “You can’t be serious.”

The taller man shoved the gun into his hand, though still keeping a firm grip in it as to make sure that Aza didn’t try to shoot him instead. “Like I said, what’s the holdup? Is it that hard to kill some machine?” From the corner of his vision he could see Rowan visibly flinch.

Aid continued. “She died years ago. The person in front of you is just a phony anyways.” He said “person” mockingly— a cruel reminder to his chained twin that she wasn’t in fact, the original. Aid guided the gun to point at Rowan. “Before you started implementing faux hearts into your 2M’s, you were the only one who had one, right?” He prodded at his own chest in the area where his heart resided. “That was the original’s heart, wasn’t it?” He turned back to Aza, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face. If he wasn’t currently trying to force him to kill the copy of his own twin, he would have thought Aid was a good man.

He was a good man, in the city’s eyes.

Or perhaps he could have been a good man.

He spoke so gently, so softly to him. It reminded Aza of their old caretaker before he was taken away to the Contamination Centers. He moved the gun’s muzzle to Rowan’s chest. “It won’t even hurt her. She won’t feel a thing. It’s one shot and we’re done.”

Aza’s hands trembled as he gripped the cold metal. One and done. One shot.

Aid’s hands were a gentle contrast to the gun.

His hands were warm.

Aid leaned in closer. “What’s easier? Killing the dead or allowing the living to die?”

His voice was so soft.

His hands, so warm.

I could not express the hatred I felt for myself, when an answer formed in my mind.

[visumper]

Endline antagonist side snippets????? (No way!)

(Tw for execution btw)

Rue looked guilty. “I really only joined for money. To pay for medical bills… to send my siblings to a good school,” he shifted his weight onto his other leg and fiddled with the rope nervously. “I don’t agree with what they do, either.”

He almost stops tying the knot. The rough texture of the rope feels disgusting against his skin. How many was it now? “I don’t know what this is worth, but I’m really sorry for this.” How many was it now, that he tied a knot around their necks?

“Damn right your apology isn’t worth shit. Tell me whatever sob story you got. Doesn’t change the fact you’re helping hang me,” Kae scoffed while Rue recoiled. “You hate what Verdict makes you do? Quit and work at a convenience store, then.”

The watching eyes of Celia burn through his back. He quickly finishes tying the thick knot around his neck and steps back. He knew it was wrong, but like many others, was too afraid to against Verdict’s orders.

If not them, then it would be him. He was afraid of the “Judgement” that was issued out to the guilty. He was deathly afraid of the burning bodies on the wall. The psychotic screams of those driven insane. The sight of blood pooling out of the Iron Maidens, and the horrific Judas’ Cradle.

Rue was horribly terrified of Verdict.

“You don’t agree with something? Go against it. Hell, the group you’ve labeled as a criminal organization are probably happier than the people of the over-world,” Kae growled out as he was hoisted up roughly. The movement jostled his body, causing him to wince when his wounds were disturbed. “You want to give your family a good life? Cut ties with Verdict. Settle down somewhere. Or join Score or some shit. Don’t just go along with something you don’t agree with,” he argued. “You’ll only end up hurting yourself, and the people you thought you were protecting.”

Look at the way people break another. Just look at the way man ruins man.

Kae’s feet left the ground. The swarming colors and cheering began to stir.

I don’t know what came over me. Perhaps it was his words. Perhaps it was his spirit. Or perhaps it was the fact that I knew that all of this was wrong.

Rue reached out and cut the rope. The hanging man quickly fell a few meters, landing on his feet. Cackling like a mad man, he turned to Rue, a glint in his eye that felt so alive.

“Congrats on being manipulated into letting me down. You just betrayed Verdict though,” Kae grabbed Rue’s arm and grinned. “Backup’ll be here in 3, 2, 1. Let’s crash this fucking show of theirs.”

[visumper]

Endline snippets (again)

I wanted the view to be beautiful.

But I couldn’t even see the rest of the world when I looked over the walls.

Nor could they see me.

To the world we had come from, where we are now is their heaven.

I wonder if there’s anyone still alive down there.

But if I had the chance,

Perhaps I would willingly fall

And plummet back to earth.

Don’t you want to just give up?

[visumper]

ENDLINE ch 1 snippets

The worst part about the outbreak was that no one knew it was happening. When the chemical was first released from its earthly prison, no one knew it was even there. No one knew nor suspected a single thing, until millions of people began feeling the effects. By then, it was already too late: over three-quarters of the entire human population had been infected. There was nothing anyone could do to stop the bodies from piling up. You would never know when someone standing next to you would drop dead, with bones as soft as marshmallows, cold as dry ice. Crematories were built in a rush, to burn away all the death. There was no more burying of bodies, no more flowers and funerals. All there was at the time was fire, smoke, and the scent of burning bodies. No one could take a train without stepping off at their destination with the dead at their feet. They would never reach the place they were trying to go, instead being transported to the nearest crematorium. People thought it was the end of the world. With the panic, the governments of the world began working together to build a safe space— a second world, for a slim chance of survival. Scientists scrambled around the globe, searching for the cause of the sudden extinction. And thus, the outbreak led to the existence of Everlez. I cannot truly say with confidence, whether or not it was a mistake to build this second world.

Everlez quickly became a desire for everyone. There was not a single soul who did not wish to witness the sights of the sky above sea. But this was only a mere dream for the Inflicted. The remaining survivors were gathered, and everyone was tested for traces of 77XB. Out of the mere four-thousand-seven-hundred-sixty-two people left, only a thousand-fourteen went up to what we considered heaven, at the time. Yet, as time passed on, it quickly became a hell. It truly was another world.

[visumper]

Burning Through Wood Snippets

Rei remembers back to a moment after his return. He remembers when he stepped into their home again for the first time in many months— only for the entryway tile to feel so unfamiliar. And it was unfamiliar. Not only had their home become so cold, but also his relationship with his dear brother. The alien look Ritsu gave him when he closed the door behind him still hurt, even after years had passed.

Rei doesn’t know what he was expecting. A hug? A “welcome home?” A biting remark, even? Perhaps even that would have been better than the silence he received.

The house, the feel, the smell— all of it was different. It felt like waking up from a coma, only to find that the rest of the world had moved on without you.

Rei didn’t know what he expected.

But when he overheard quiet cries coming from Ritsu’s room the night of his return, he knew what he wanted to do. And yet, in his own weakness and doubt, he hesitated.

In hindsight, he probably should’ve followed his heart and opened that door. He probably should’ve sat down beside him and explained everything right then and there.

But Rei Sakuma is a coward. Rei Sakuma is afraid.

His cowardliness is something that he himself acknowledges: if not, then perhaps he and Ritsu would still be playing piano together. If not, then perhaps they’d still be living in the same world. But because Rei Sakuma is fearful, because Rei Sakuma doubts, he lost his chance.

Go in. Tell him everything. Rei wants so badly, to break down that door— the thin bit of wood Ritsu hides behind to separate him from his brother.

But because Rei is a coward, he does not. Instead, he’ll only listen as his muffled sobs fade away as he walks. Stepping away from that door, that boundary, feels like he’s walking away from Ritsu again. And in a way, it’s true.

He’s running away from confrontation. He’s running away from the things he can’t find the courage to say.

Adonis is right— waiting truly was his biggest mistake. And it still is. Even now, he’s still running away from Ritsu. Even now, after two years, he still can’t find the proper words.

If he’s going to talk to him, it needs to be done right. The correct time, place, plan— all of it.

“You don’t need the right moment,” Adonis places his hand on his shoulder. It’s warm.

Koga nods vigorously. “Just say whatever you need to say. ‘S that easy.” Kaoru smiles. “Go.”

One word, but it’s enough. “Go” isn’t a request. It’s a command.

Go.

Go talk to him. Go make things right. Rei likes to see time as Ritsu’s bedroom door. In that moment, it was just a door— but now the wood is thick. And like how trees grow, the gap between them will only thicken.

It was a mistake to wait, that’s something that he agrees. Even still, Rei begs that he’ll find the right words to say.

He prays and hopes that maybe this time, he’ll find the courage to open that door.

[visumper]

hey. hey hey. pssst. wanna give me a. an inspirational quote, perhaps even a random word. a setting. maybe not the power plant this time, though. or the white house.

I’ll give you all of em.

Inspirational quote:

“Man. Euros are NICE.” / “let’s fuck those ants good.” - yours truly

“How do they make the carrots baby?” - friend

“Will you hang yourself tonight, knowing you’ll die tomorrow?” - Raiden Shuga because mmm 86 yes

Random words:

Despicable, repugnance, malice, spite, appalling, nerve-wracking, disgusting, repulsive, grotesque, impish

Setting:

Shipping crate in my school

Storage room of a Barnes and Nobles

Inside a cardboard IKEA box with 2 Blahaj

The Bermuda Triangle

[visumper]

ENDLINE - Ch 0 snippets

I had always hesitated on whether or not I was allowed to call them my family. But now, after everything we’ve been through together, the words come so easily to my mouth.

“Got you again,” Kae would laugh. “That’s the fourth game I’ve won in a row now.”

The things I would do to lose at that stupid game just one more time.

Emory-- and her gentle touch.

Please tell me that things will be fine again. Just one more time.

Lucius, our crafty yet twisted info-gatherer.

He was what the rest of the world would call “evil.” But then again, none of us were ever good people, were we? Even after everything he did, I can’t help but want him back. He was wild, childish, and fun. No matter the flaws, he was still part of Score. He was still part of us.But why didn’t you stop him? Why didn’t you save him?

I realized then, that this truly was the end for me. The end for all of us. We failed. We lost.

[visumper]

Dear my lonely darling snippets

I think it was just four or five months ago, when I truly believed that a person such as I would never be able to be loved or love. About two or three months ago, I came to a realization.

I still don't know for sure about the "be loved" part, but I can say this for sure.

I truly do have the ability to love. This boy in front of me-- how is he so free? How can he live like this, unburdened by expectations and his own self? I remember asking him about it multiple times, exactly how is it that he can live like that.

What I didn't expect was for him to take me to a grocery store. Which is obviously weird. But he asked me to find three things I liked. I never went shopping for myself. I always just used whatever we had at home, as to not be a waste of money.

Thing is, I didn't know what I even liked. If I was asked for things I liked or enjoyed, I'd just make up something that would please them enough.

and from a single trip to a random grocery store, I discovered two things that I liked, and one thing I disliked.

In maybe twenty minutes, I became more similar to a true human being. Whole, I suppose I'd say. Since then, he'd been piecing me together.

There were no pieces to begin with, so he created them.

Without him, what would I be? An empty frame, the edging of a puzzle, without the main picture? Only the edges, capturing no photo or pretty image?

I could say for sure now, that I realized I had the capability to love. I realized too, that the nonexistent self that had been hiding underneath skin of flesh and lies was no longer lonely.

In fact, she was singing songs. There was no more tears, no more sorrows.

Compared to the many I had up until two or three months ago, this "one" was measly.

One is nothing to many, but it was enough.

And again, a new piece has been created with this realization.

And again, he places it in just the right place.

And again, I am one step closer to no longer being an empty frame.

One step closer, to being whole and finding my full image.