waspgirlprob-blog

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"Waspy" by G-Eazy ft. Tennis

This mixtape by Oakland-based rapper G-Eazy done to the tune of "Marathon" by Tennis pretty much hits the nail on the head. By this we mean his lyrics are a very sarcastic and satirical interpretation of the attitude of 'waspy', 'trust fund' darlings.

Maybe not so satirical. Maybe just realistic. 

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No, This Isn't My Brother's Jacket

From Granny's diamonds to the Maine cottage to 19th century furniture to gin, it's clear we love our classics. One such favorite is the blazer. Mostly navy, but we will make exceptions for Prince of Wales tweed.

The sartorial term blazer originated with the red 'blazers' of the Lady Margaret Boat Club (1825), the rowing club of St. John's College, Cambridge

Not surprisingly, the blazer hails from merry England. The British have always held a special place in our hearts even though they cannot cook and have horrible teeth.

We forgive them because, like an older sibling, they just can't help it sometimes. Also we like to think we are Brits with better teeth (and healthcare), therefore sort of superior. We just need our 'royals' to stop being Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian and start being cultured.

I digress. The blazer was first used by a college rowing club. Obviously the best wardrobe staples started out as sportswear; see riding boots, jeans, and all Hermes leather goods.This simple jacket is so wonderful because it can be casual, dressy, or corporate. Paired with skinny jeans & flats. Thrown over a shift dress. No matter how you choose to wear it, the blazer makes you look polished.

Things to keep in mind:

Rule #1: Avoid cheap fabrics at all costs - a blazer is a wardrobe staple, something you will wear forever. Invest in quality. Go for wool, tweed, boucle, and silk blends.

Rule #2: Always wear a blazer to travel. It won't be wrinkled when you arrive and you will be taken more seriously at the airport.

Rule #3: You can't pull off your brother's blazer. It has shoulder pads!

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With gin and endless affection,

The WASP Girl Conspiracy

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"All things truly wicked start from innocence."

-Ernest Hemingway 

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Be Kind To Your Mother And Even Kinder To Strangers

"Always be kind to people, because everyone is fighting some kind of battle."

Smile, Always Smile

Charm has many misleading euphemisms that have, over time, diluted its integrity. The saying 'good looks and charm' alludes to flirtatious encounters with the opposite sex. This is of course because everything is about sex, except sex, which is about power (according to Oscar Wilde). 

But I digress. Charm is not a quality but an ability that everyone is capable of possessing. It can be exhausting or rewarding depending in your outlook. However, people of every country and background can and do deserve respect. Kindness is worth everyone's time.

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use." -Emily Post

Just be nice. Hold a door open, look the cashier in the eye when you say thank you, and tip the waitress whose feet are probably aching from her 8 hour shift. 

Execution

Ladies and gentlemen, take note: insincere charm only works if you are good at acting. To be good at acting you must be convincing in the art of lying.

Keys To Success:

Eye contact. People believe eye contact. This is a self-proclaimed fact.

Tone of voice. Hold back your sarcasm even if you cannot believe the woman at the market just asked what gruyère was. She doesn't know any better.

The Firm Handshake. In my experience, even the most pompous of senators take a firm handshake seriously. 

A wise man once told me that everyone has an inherent need to feel better than others - exploit this fact to the best of your ability. Act humbly and ye shall receive.

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"Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength." -Frances de Sales

Caroline and John Kennedy.

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The Lost Art of The "Thank You" Note

 “A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.” -Cicero

  Evidence of the lamentable consequences of today's fast-paced society can be found in the regrettable lack of importance placed on "the little things"; the small gestures of kindness which clearly define the difference between basic manners and the more cultivated manners which can only be attained after years of correct etiquette practice. While there are quite a few Old World traditions that satisfy this description, today we shall focus on just one. Ladies and gentlemen, may we present: The Thank You Note.

The Thank You Note is one of the few relics of a bygone time that is still clinging to the hope of relevance in today's modern world. Those of us willing to put down our Crackberrys and iPads long enough to pen a genuine note will reap the benefits of sending such a sweet, uncomplicated sentiment. The TYN is simply a superb way to exhibit your excellent manners and your understanding of the importance of gratitude. And, in case you are wondering: no, a text will not do. 

The Note

Every self-respecting Wasp Girl knows that beautiful stationery is the first requirement of an acceptable TYN. The Note should not be written on a tacky, mass-produced or ridiculously colorful card that is usually marketed to the five-and-under demographic. Instead, look for heavy paper stock with raised or embossed lettering; I prefer a personal letterhead in an elegant, understated font stating my full name and address. As Geoffrey Parker (the great grandson of stationery mogul George Safford Parker, founder of Parker Pen Company) told the WSJ, "People are establishing impressions based on a lot of subtle things." Quality, color, size and shape do matter, darlings; especially considering the discerning eye of your beloved Grandmere. It is not difficult to find exquisite stationery which adequately reflects your personality, one must simply look in the right places. The Bernard Maisner studio is world-renowned for their skillful calligraphy, and Crane & Co. Paper Makers is conveniently located right in Rockefeller Plaza. Tiffany's also produces stunning pens (the ink of which should either match or complement the color of the card and font, never contrasting) to help make your words seem genuine (even if you really did hate that sweater from the aforementioned Grandmere....)

"I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks." -William Shakespeare

The Sentiment

Once you have the perfect stationery, pen, and cup of tea, it is time to start writing. The sentiment should satisfy the following three requirements: 1) Short, 2) Sweet, and 3) Personal. Thank the receiver of your TYN for the lovely job interview/new watch/walking Fido and then move on; do not allow them to think for one second that you value them only because of their position at the firm/incredible taste in watches/dog-walking abilities (even if that is, in fact, the unfortunate case). Nota Bene: there is no need to write an overly long message about how much you adored a friend's luncheon if everyone in attendance knew that the event was painfully awkward and the salmon was undercooked. Next, make it personal. Write something about your relationship with this person, a hope for the future, or anything simple and lovely that helps to maintain the overarching theme of gratitude. 

Cheapening the Sentiment

Unfortunately, it is not difficult for good intentions to turn into disastrous results. A cheap card, generic message, bad handwriting, or electronic TYN (i.e. an email or text) will ensure that you will not receive the same treatment next time. Someone once wrote me a thank-you note for a gift I didn't give them, and I still haven't forgotten the mix-up; in fact, it would have been better that he not write a TYN at all (gasp!) 

The Benefits

On the other hand, a well-written Thank You Note on beautiful stationery has uncanny abilities to improve your life in myriad ways. The Thank You Note exhibits to the receiver the idea that you are the type of person who takes the time to express appreciation for something in a sophisticated way. This notion has the ability to create exciting new developments in your career, social, and romantic life. As a wise man once wrote, "Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns." So start writing, darlings! xxx

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On Costume Parties

J: Really, slutty bunny? You couldn't be more original?

S: Those aren't even my bunny ears....

J: What does that even mean....

S: Meaning minimalism in costume ideas sometimes calls for lack of originality when it comes to being unprepared for a night of mayhem and mischief

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above: Winslow Homer, 'Long Branch, New Jersey, 1869' - 19th century WASP Girl Conspirators stop to scan the sands for men's hearts to break. "I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, 'The Great Gatsby'

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Whenever you feel like criticizing any one...just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, Ch. 1

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On Blaming The Frontal Cortex

It is great fun to analyze why we do things; however this meaningless reasoning has proved more time consuming than the events that brought about this introspection to begin with. "Addictive personality," according to one of my docs, is apparently a term coined by addicts themselves to explain a phenomenon of insanity perpetuated by the same poor choices one after another. And so it goes. My extensive research of psychology, stemming from a desire to understand, perhaps justify, my own psychosis, led me to a fact which has served as my crutch ever since: the frontal lobe of the human brain does not fully develop until the mid-to-late twenties. The frontal lobe houses the decision-making cortex. No matter my emotional, physical, nor intellectual maturity, I will make many a mistake over the next few years really by no fault of my own. Or so I tell my mother. As of late, after repeated disasters of differing capacities, I have decided to stop blaming my damned frontal lobe and its premature decision-making cortex. Said cortex rests inside my head, guiding my actions. If I am aware of it, why shouldn't I be able to control it? Therein lies the problem: As mature as my thought process can be, it will continue to be hindered. I can only hope it really is snort term.

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In Other News...

...especially with a trust fund hanging over your head like the storm before the calm.

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Apathy begets poise, which begets grace.

The WASP Girl Conspiracy

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Above: Winslow Homer's 'Backgammon' Take me back to the days when one traveled across town nestled in a horse-drawn carriage; When women snuck macaroons in the house. Take me back to the days when only the scandalous would dare end their first marriage; When porcelain skin implied wealth. Take me back to the days when those who failed to dress for dinner were rejected. Take me back to the days when chivalry, yes chivalry, was expected.

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On Keeping Up Appearances

Mother: "I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to act the way you have been acting while residing in a place with generations of family history." After months of debating my lack of any "real" job, Mother has turned down my one truly concerted effort at employment. Why? Because my choice of work will involve staying with family, was procured because of family, and my performance will be a direct reflection on my family. "Your regular liquor consumption is absolutely unacceptable. I will not allow you to disrespect Uncle Chippy as you disrespect me." Irony: Uncle Chippy was the one who introduced me to the art of the GTL. And so it goes.

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"Why should I be subservient to fate Si peu de chose before a giant world Poor little ship with little sail unfurled To catch the sun-breeze at the harbor gate?" --Harry Crosby, 'Unanswered'

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"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." — Oscar Wilde