wavingthroughawxndow-blog

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Blaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhhhwljralrjawrjoajra

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It’s so.. liberating but also daunting to know that I leave DEH soon. Like I’m excited to spend some time with my family and John and Stella and the rest of his family but wow!! I’ve been with this show so long. 

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I’m engaged and you’re still a sluuuuuut.

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Don’t say bad things about Dean, don’t say bad things about Dean, don’t say bad things about Dean, don’t say bad things about Dean --

Dean is a trash human being. 

Okay I tried. We all have small failures sometimes, right?

But honestly, I’m hardly in the wrong here. It takes a seriously fucked up person to just kiss someone’s boyfriend IN FUCKING PUBLIC. 

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Imagine being so fucking negative that a positive person seems threatening or off-putting to you. Lol

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Catch me casually making friendly chit chat with people who I was once friendly with, and then acted like a bitch to me for no reason one time because I’m too freaking nice for my own good. 

But on another, brighter note - Things are still good with John, and sooner than later, I will have time away from working to just enjoy being with him, and also seeing my family. I miss my mom so very much always. 

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I like how the only thing anyone has to say about me is that I’m, like, obsessed with John. That’s ridiculous. There are so many things about me, and so much going on with me. 

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Sometimes, I swear, I’m so lucky that John even puts up with me at all. Like, I’m so indecisive and reclusive after work sometimes, and just - a mess. But maybe a cute mess, which is better than a not cute mess, I think. 

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In a sense, I feel really bad right now that I’ve, like, apparently alienated so many people. I tried to make new friends yesterday and literally one person liked the post, and it was one person who I already am friends with so I guess... I’ll live, and I weeded out the weak ones. Okay, that’s a joke... which is unnecessary here but hey, maybe it will make me feel less crappy about things. Who knows.

At least there’s John. 

I know, I mentioned John again wow I’m sssssssooooo annoying. :\

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I feel like... I’m a very forgiving, friendly and open minded person and like, generally agreeable and I always strive to be as kind as I possibly can be and if I don’t like somebody, they’re seriously wronging me because they’re making me feel negative and it’s really upsetting. 

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Ben Platt’s disastrous love life - the ongoing saga. 

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I don’t!!! Know!!! What!!! I want!!!

I’m so disastrous at this whole relationship thing and apparently people have picked up on that, which is just sad. And I really, really, really wish I could turn off my feelings somehow. 

Scratch that.

I know what I want. I just know that it isn’t what other people want. But to what degree is that important in taking care of myself?

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What a mess. Two people are interested in being with me and neither of them are the person I most recently kissed. I’m such a disaster @ romance. 

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So, I’m pretty awful at commitment and my dog has a new home (with someone I trust a lot!!!!!!!) and, I’m a mess.

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Hot damn.

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So, I’m really bad at sexting. But the effort is there. 

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[The voices of everyone of my loved ones telling me I’m stretching myself too thin play in the background as I sob silently because I can’t sob noisily because my voice is messed up and I’m going to cry]