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thoughts on robert lightwood

Last September 17th was Robert's 55th birthday and I wrote a text about him, but I wasn't in the mood to translate it then, so here's a 2.0 version.

First of all: if you hate Robert and believe he's a monster who deserved nothing, this won't do anything for you, and you probably should ignore this post and never come near my tumblr again (I'm literally the #1 Robert Lightwood stan ever, I love him with all my heart, and while I respect different opinions and tastes, I'm not interested at all in hateful words toward Robert).

Second: I know my english isn't perfect, please don't make fun of me. I learned it mostly alone.

Trigger warnings: mentions of death, depression, prejudice, burning

Robert Lightwood never got a chance to be happy. His life was destroyed in his 12th birthday. When he was a child (just a child!!!!) he went through a very rare situation: the first Mark tried to kill him, and he got over it. But it cost a price too high. Robert's soul was subjected not only to the Mark's scorching fire, but also to physical and psychological demonic tortures. FOR A WHOLE MONTH. A FREAKING WHOLE MONTH. He literally saw "Fire" waiting for him if he gived up while voices encouraged him to do so, not only demonic voices, but his parents' voices too. Like, WTF... a child being burned alive for a whole month?!?!?!? That's absolutely wild.

It's abominable.

Robert didn't want to be mundane, he was raised to be a shadowhunter. Even so, it was a shock for him to discover that his parents purposely let him go through that month of extreme agony, and would have left him to that agonizing death, even though they had the power to prevent his suffering.

From there, his vivid memories of living with shadowhunters begin. The pain and trauma made him forget what his friends and family were like before that. Robert's parents never even asked how he felt about spending a month being burned alive.

Robert never forgot that his parents condemned him to a painful death just because he did not live up to his expectations. Robert never forgot that he was not loved even by his parents because he was not good enough for them.

The other shadowhunters knew about the scandal and refused to be near Robert. When they were obliged, they still kept themselves as far away as possible, as if he carried a plague. Especially those who were previously "friends" of Robert.

Being completely alone, Robert went into a deep depression. Feeling useless for being too traumatized by what he went through to be able to train. Not being loved or supported by anyone. He wanted to be dead, because he didn't believe that death could be worse than his life.

A child thinking that.

Michael Wayland was the first person who got interested in asking what exactly happened in Robert's point of view. More than a year since the event, nobody but Michael had been concerned and interested in Robert.

Robert never forgot what it was like, being just a child, to be treated like a stranger, like an intruder, like an outcast, like a freak, how it felt to suffer the prejudice of shadowhunters against individuals of their own kind.

Robert should have supported right away Alec's decision to be openly gay? Probably yes, but he didn't. Because he didn't want to Alec suffer like he did. In case you don't know for some reason, it's very clear in the books that he didn't think that there was something wrong with Alec, or with Michael, or anyone, for being LGBT. That's not me taking homophobia lightly, cuz I could never do that, I'm just stating the fact that Robert never had a particularly dislike or hate toward LGBT people. Robert knew homophobia was wrong and that there's nothing wrong with LGBT people SINCE HE WAS YOUNG.

SO, that was why at first Robert did not support Alec coming out in public. As a child he had no choice, the fact that he was different from others had been exposed and debated without any respect.

He would never wish that for Alec. Be marginalized as he was.

Robert felt it was wrong to discriminate against LGBT people. (That's a fact, it's in the book.) He had nothing against people being gay. He was against Alec exposing himself as gay, because of the psychological consequences left by what he suffered at the hands of the shadowhunters as a boy.

Robert took several actions that hurt other people thinking only of his own health and benefit (these actions include joining the Circle and giving his decisions to Valentine, abandoning Michael telling prejudiced lies, marrying Maryse without knowing if he really loved her and then cheating on her), but it was a dead end, because he was aware of that and felt horrible with his own actions. No matter what decision he made, it was always more suffering for him.

One of the greatest pains that Robert carried was the memory of Michael, who he loved so much, who was part of his soul, who lived and breathed at the same pace as him. The overwhelming weight on his conscience for having decided that abandoning him would be safer for both of them.

Adding his unhappiness to his imposing physique, Robert became a dreadful man who made those around him uncomfortable due to the harshness and bitterness that he radiated, reflecting how much he felt wretched inside.

Robert's greatest joy in life was his children and grandchildren. Robert is very proud and thinks Alec is an incredible and courageous man. He had a lot of gratitude and respect for Magnus for making his son happy. (Magnus understood Robert's motives after finding out about Michael.)

Don't forget that according to the Law, Julian and Emma should have had their Marks ripped off and expelled from shadowhunters in shame, but Robert showed sympathy and respect for Magnus's judgment of trusting him to take care of the situation.

Also do not forget that the clave decided that Aline and Helen shouldn't be united. Robert ignored the clave's wishes to allow the couple to live together, and it happened only because he wanted them to be able to.

Robert really wanted to spend more time with his children and grandchildren, even with so much pain and regret still weighing on his soul. This was not possible because unlike many, Robert sympathized and was gentle with Annabel.

Finally, Robert is with his beloved Michael, who has always been by his side at heart.

Again, sorry for my english. It's perfectly fine if you don't care about him. It's just a fictional character, it's not that deep. I just wanted people to understand him, but it's okay. People judge him for being "rude" (???). People handle trauma in different ways, but I can hardly imagine someone being sooo lovely after being through so much terrible shit. Anyway, stan or hate whatever you want. I stan an icon.

(P.S. Sorry for saying "LGBT people" instead of "queer" where I live this word is not exactly a thing and I don't have good experiences with it, forgive me if my choice of words hurt someone, it wasn't my intention at all).

(P.P.S. If you think being part of the circle makes Robert racist or a n*zi I recommend you to educate yourself).

[waylandforge]

Jean Grandjean. Dutch 1755-1781. Standing Male Nude, 1779.

[waylandforge]

Never forget. 😢

Sometimes I remember that Michael Wayland died burning while holding his son and I cry

[waylandforge]

Michael Wayland’s charred remains from The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.

[waylandforge]

Michael Binghan, as an artist, or even as an antiquarian does not seem to exist to any other extent than that of fantasy.  Does this suggest for this art post to have been wrongly circulated?  Only one thing is sure, there wasn’t a need to ‘age’ a male torso to appear Hellenistic, or Roman for that matter, for a simple art scholar would know that if phallic art has existed for thousand of years, neither the Greek, nor the Roman came to find a circumcised penis to be aesthetic.  In fact, at the contrary, revealing the penis glans was considered ill-mannered.  The object may meet modern aestheticism, yet by no means does it reflect the Antique.  If anyone is aware of which artist truly produced this artifact, please feel free to let me know, as my learning curve, I hope, will remain hungry, till my dying day.

[waylandforge]

also later that same day…

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2021 and i'll keep talking about waywood as if the evil we love just came out

at least now i know i'm not the only one bruh somebody need to remember these underrated legends

[waylandforge]

John Browne, A complete discourse of wounds, 1678

[waylandforge]

So I recently watched the Quest For Camelot! 💚💜

Kayley and Garrett💙

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literally NO superhero actor/person/whatever will ever get on the level of ENLIGHTENED andrew garfield was on when he said “spiderman is bisexual and his boyfriend should be played by michael b jordan” they killed him for it but that was PEAK

[waylandforge]

Derek’s only trying to help…

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