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weak4skz · 11 months

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Hope is For Suckers

Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst, idol au

Summary: Han and y/n have been friends since before they remember. But what happens if their friendship is severed by an unfortunate situation and Han goes off to be an idol while y/n is in college. When they connect through a mutual friend, what happens then?

Word Count: 1.3k (sorry it's short I'm just trying to get this chapter out)

CHAPTER WARNINGS: eating disorder, negative self talk/thoughts, body dysorphia, a lot of feelings, panic attack

NOT PROOF READ!!!

THIS IS NOT AN ACCURATE REPRESTATION OF THE PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THE FIC

A/N: Sorry for the really late update. I've been really busy and haven't been really motivated to write. I might but HIFS on hiatus until July but idk yet. Thank you for all the support though, I really appreciate it

want2besomeoneelse lixie-jisung-stan jisuperboard mentoslol i-dont-know-me-either mooncallerautumn poisonivy21

this is my current taglist. if your name is in read it means I can't tag you. also please comment if you would like to be added

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When we pull into Chan’s designated parking spot I’m so nervous I could puke.

“Hey,” Chan says, gently putting a hand on my knee to stop its bouncing. “They’ll all love you just as much as I do. But if you still want to go home I’ll drive you ‘kay?”

“No, I want to meet them.” I force out of my mouth. He just nods and we both get out of the car and begin to walk towards the door. When he opens it, the first thing I notice is the smell of freshly baked brownies. Then, I hear yelling and laughing coming from the living room.

“YOU landed on MY property. PAY ME THE DANG FINE.”

Then I fear another voice scream

“YOU’RE IN JAIL! I’M NOT GIVING MONEY TO A CRIMINAL.”

“THAT’S NOT HOW YOU PLAY!!!” the first screams.

All of this over a game of monopoly?

“Boys” I mutter with a playful roll of my eyes. “I know right” Chan responds with a small smile.

Chan leads me to the living room. “Hey guys” he greets the six men casually.

“Hey Chan hyung.” one with mid length dark hair and glasses responds. “Who’s that?” he asks, pointing to me.

“This is Y/n. She’s a good friend of mine and older than half of you so show some manners and introduce yourselves.”

“I’m Jeongin” glasses says.

“Seungmin”

“I’m Felix”

“I’m sexy king Hyunjin”

“Man shut up.” the shortest says with a small laugh, “I’m Changbin”

“I’m Minho”

Then they go around again and tell me their ages. But I thought Chan told me they’re were eight members in his group? As I finish my thought, someone bursts in through the door.

“‘Sorry I’m late guys. Oh hi… what’s your name? I’m…”

“Han?”

There is a pause, a moment of silence, and for a second I regret saying anything.

“Uh yea, I’m Han Jisung. How did you know my name?”

“Chan talks about you gusy all the time. I just assumed it was you because you were the only one missing. I’m Y/n''

oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh there is no way HAN JISUNG the man who is (partially) responsible for my villain backstory is the eighth member of Chan’s band

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick” I say, trying to excuse myself from the source of my impending panic attack. I speed walk to Chan’s bathroom and lock the door behind me. Once I get the feeling that I’m safe, I slide my back down the door and sit on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my head between them. Then I try to regulate my breathing before I start hyperventilating.

Breath in, one two three, breath out. Breath in, one two three, breath out

I repeat it over anad over again until my breathing is as regulated as it is going to get. Then, I get up and fix my mascara and blot away the bits that escaped with my tears.

I walk out of the bathroom and find Chan alone in the kitchen. “Hey Chan, I’m feeling kind of sick so I think I’m going to head home.”

“Are you okay? You were fine when we were at lunch.” he looked concerned. Great, now I feel bad for lying

“I just got really bad cramps out of nowhere. And you know I get crabby wehen I don’t feel very well.” I try to end the conversation quickly so he doesn’t catch me lying. “Oh, I didn’t know you were on your period. I would have just brought lunch to your place. Let me go get my keys so I can get you home, kay?”

My period? Ohhhh, he thinks I’m on my period. Thank God he thought I was on my dperiod because I hadn’t thought that far into my lie. While celebrating that little victory, Han walks into the kitchen.

“Oh hey. I saw you were looking sick and I wanted to come check up on you” he said while grabbing a soda from the fridge. “Yea I just have really bad cramps.” I lied again.

“That sucks,” he started, taking a sip of his fanta. “Hey, I was just wondering if you went to Fairview High School. You kinda look like this girl I used to hang out with.”

“Uh yeah, I went there. I thought I knew you from somewhere but I couldn’t tell.” I responded. ‘A girl I used to hang out with’ huh. Was I really the only one that was thinking about our relationship for the past seven years. Not gonna lie, that kind of hurt. Because up to a couple moments ago I thought very highly of Han, I still considered him a friend. Because he had been my only friend for so long, I sort of held hope that he would be my friend forever. But I was too naive, I should have known he would forget me. I mean, I’m not that memorable; but I thought I would at least be more than a girl he ‘used to hang out with.’

Not a moment later, Chan comes back into the kitchen with my shoes. “Oh, hey Han. The kids are waiting for you so they can start a new game of uno.”

“Ok. Nice catching up with you Y/N.” I mustered the nicest smile I could at the moment and responded with a bitter ‘you too’ before moving to hop off the counter to put on my shoes.

Chan holds me down by my knees and kneels down to lace up my converse himself. “What were you guys talking about?” he asked after tying the first shoe. “We used to go to the same highschool.”

“Cool, were you guys friends?” Chan asks, now finished with tying both shoes. “I thought so” I mumble, mostly to myself.

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weak4skz · 1 year

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Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst, idol au

CHAPTER WARNINGS: self harm, suicide attempt, eating disorder, body dysmorphia, reader isn’t in the right mind, body insecurities, just a lot of feelings, insecurities in general, self consciousness (tell me if I missed anything)

NOT PROOF READ!!!

A/N: chapter 2 is finally up!! If you couldn't tell, my life has been kind of a mess lately and I've been really busy with school as well as personal matters. But thank you for sticking around and being patient <3

COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES!!!

want2besomeoneelse lixie-jisung-stan jisuperboard mentoslol i-dont-know-me-either mooncallerautumn poisonivy21

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Going home my mind was working overtime but at the same time not working at all. My body went into auto-pilot while I was absolutely mentally wrecked. My biggest priority was to drive home without dying or having a mental breakdown; so I focused for the 15 minute drive home. As soon as I was safe inside my house I allowed myself to go numb. To have millions of thoughts but at the same time have no thoughts. It was a coping mechanism I developed over the years.

I found out I could get into this little headspace after Jisung caught me cutting myself. Since I didn’t want to be caught doing something so embarrassing; I had to find another way to cope.

And to think I thought my night couldn’t POSSIBLY get worse

I know I told myself I had gotten past this; but I really needed to feel something. So I went to the bathroom and picked up my blade and started cutting.

It’s not enough

The pain wasn’t painful enough to fix my broken self so I cut deeper than I knew I should.

Ah… sweet relief

While relishing in the floaty feeling, I hear a quiet ping come from my phone. I pick it up, reading the text on my screen.

Hey y/n. I wanted to tell you that I passed that audition that I told you about and got accepted to become a trainee at JYP Entertainment. The only thing is that I have to leave tomorrow; but I promise I’ll keep in touch. Don’t die while I’m gone lol

Hannie

I let out a humorless laugh before making one more cut on my left thigh; it was so deep it gushed out blood. I didn’t really mind though; I needed the pain, maybe even liked it. Or I at least preferred it over everything that had happened in the past couple hours. The bathroom started to blur and I started to see stars; I decided to close my eyes and let the darkness take over.

SIX YEARS LATER

I walk into the cozy coffee spot trying to spot my friend. When I do; I rush over and give him a tight hug while he gently sways the both of us back and forth gently. He hugs me so tight I pull back from a lack of air.

Now, one might think that our greeting is a little much for not seeing each other for two days; but there is nothing dramatic enough for the man who saved my life

“Hey Y/n”

“Hey Chan” I say back breathlessly.

Chan, the 5’7 father of seven who is the reason I’m still here today FOUR YEARS AGO

After receiving the news of my mom’s death; I was devastated. She was at the hospital more than she was home; but when she was home we had so much fun. I could remember nights when we would stay up until 4 am surrounded by our favorite snacks. We would talk about anything and everything: me, her, the new episode of our favorite drama, Jisung.

Jisung

He hasn’t contacted me since the night of that party two years ago. I kept my old phone and number, even when I got a new one, just in case he called. I even pay the ridiculous rent for my childhood home just in case he came by. But maybe he just forgot about me; I mean, I am pretty forgettable. Not much special about me when he is a musical genius.

I look out onto the bridge I’m on; the city looks so pretty from up here. Then, I look down at the water and the reflection of the city on it. Honestly, I would rather be in that city than the one up here. So I walk a little closer to the edge; not to jump, just to look. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. When I get to the edge and lean over it a little, reaching for the city in the water; I feel arms pulling me back. I immediately tense in the man’s arms, trying to figure out what type of person he could be. I lower it down to three options

A pedophile

A man that thought I was gonna jump and is trying to save my life

A drunk guy

‘Hey’ the man says in a gentle voice. “You’re a little close to the edge; why don't we back up a bit, yeah?” the voice says, gently pulling me back to a safe distance from the edge of the bridge. While still in the mystery man’s arms, I begin to analyze him. He’s strong, definitely stronger than me, so I can’t fight him. He also seemed to have the accent of a native English speaker. Before I could finish my detailed analysis the mystery man turned me around.

“Hi,” he starts. “I’m Chan, Bang Chan. And you are?” he asks, looking at me with expecting eyes. “Y/n,” I responded in a quiet voice.

“You looked like you could use some company. Why don’t we walk around and talk for a bit, hm? We can grab some food if you’d like.”

“Oh, I’m not that hungry”

That is the dumbest lie I have ever told

The truth is I am hungry. I have had nothing but a protein shake every other day. I skipped at least two days a week for the times I would go get food with friends or go eat with my mom at the hospital. But, I couldn't stop now. I've finally started to look normal, maybe even pretty.

“Y/n, when’s the last time you ate, and I mean a full meal.”

Y/n, are you really about to spill all of your emotional trauma to some random stranger you just met?

Yes, yes I am

“About a month ago” his eyes automatically widened. “Yeah I have an eating disorder that I developed from body dysmorphia,” now Chan is looking at me like I’m crazy. Which, at the moment, I probably am. “Yeah I know. My mom died last week.” now even I know I’ve gone insane.

“I wanted to jump” this time, I’m a little quieter; the fact I wanted to end my life a little harder to admit. “I’ve been cutting for years but after she died, cutting wasn’t enough”

That was when I realized I was crying. It 's the first time I had cried since I was at my mom’s deathbed. Not while I drove home; not while I was cutting myself on the bathroom floor, not even at the funeral.

I expected Chan to walk away. To consider me another depressed college student and to move with his life. But instead; I feel his arms wrap around me and his hands stand to gently move up and down my back. In my estranged state, I’m confused as to why the man I just met is comforting me. What’s even more confusing is how loved and cherished I feel in his arms. So, as any normal person would do, I cry my heart out into the man’s arms.

After my loud sobs turn into quiet sniffles, Chan pulls me back and looks at my face.

“No offense, but you look like a mess”

“You look worse,” I sniffled.

Now that I got a good look at him, he looked a mess. His hair was in messy, tangled curls, he had really dark bags under his eyes, and he was wearing different shoes.

“We both look like shit. But why don’t we fix our shit together, yeah?’

“Sure, why not”

BACK TO PRESENT TIME

“Ok, hear me out,” Chan starts. “What would you think of meeting the kids and becoming our manager for our upcoming comeback?”

“Let me get this straight. You want me, a broke girl straight out of college with no experience; to manage you and your friends' world-wide popular band?”

“Yes?” he says, but it sounds more like a question.

“I haven’t even met them yet. First let me meet your so-called kids then we can talk about me becoming one of your managers,” I negotiated. Chan talks very highly of his kids; but again he couldn’t say a bad thing about anyone.

“Ok great! How about right now?” he asked with a smile.

“WHAT?” Chan grimaced at my loudness. “Bang Chan I am not dressed to meet a bunch of world-famous kpop idols!” Truthfully, I wasn’t dressed that bad. I was wearing a white tank-top, maybe a little too tight for a girl like me to be wearing; under a dark blue zip-up with some black, wide leg cargo pants.

“You look fine,” he said a little more seriously. “They are at my apartment, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I'll go. I’ve been wanting to meet them for a while, this is just a little more sudden than what I had imagined.” are the words I force out of my mouth. “Yea sorry about that. I just knew if I didn’t ask you to come over today you would put it off for weeks,” he responded with a small smile.

This man knows me too well

He knows how I panic when meeting new people. How I get anxious about everything from what I say to how dirty my shoes are. He knows that I worry myself into panic attacks when it comes to first impressions

I let out a choked laugh, as if I were trying to laugh at a lame joke.

Except I am the joke

I tell him I’ll go, even if I kind of don’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to meet everyone; it’s just they seem so perfect. They just had to look good in everything: serious pictures, funny pictures, music videos, interviews, you name it.

Slightly against my own will; I begin to get up, expecting us to leave.

“Y/n, you’re forgetting something,” Chan reminded me. I look at the table to see if I left my phone or wallet on it, but I don’t spot anything that’s mine. “What am I forgetting?” I asked him confused. “Y/n you forgot your sandwich”

My brain is working at 500 mph trying to come up with a better lie than ‘I had a really big breakfast’ because Chan knows I ever eat in the morning. “Y/n, did you eat at all yesterday? And I mean real food.” Chan asked, or rather scolded.

The truth is I didn’t, but it’s justified because the day before yesterday I went out with my old college friend, Yeji, and we ate hot pot; 3750 calories if I calculated correctly. And that’s way above my daily intake for two whole days. So technically, I ate enough for two days in one day which means there was no need to eat yesterday.

“Y/n,” Chan sighed; “Can you at least take a couple bites? Please?

“I can’t eat when I’m nervous,” was my excuse of choice. I mean, it wasn’t the complete truth but he didn’t have to know.

Chan seemed to accept my answer and stood up. “Fine, are you ready to go?” he asks.

#Han jisung #skz #stray kids #bang chan #bang chris #han x reader #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz x y/n #han x you #insecure #insecurity #insecure reader

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weak4skz · 1 year

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I can’t believe 100 people have read my fic AND liked it. Can’t even describe how happy I am.

Plzzzz send me some requests cuz I’m kinda having a writers block

#100 likes #tumblr milestone #thank you #han jisung #skz #stray kids #bang chan #bang chris #han x reader #lee felix #i.n skz #seungmin #skz imagines

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weak4skz · 1 year

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I’m really sorry to inform everyone that part two of ‘Hope is for Suckers’ won’t come out this week because I’ve been drowning in homework and my mental health hasn’t been the best. I’ll try to write it over the weekend and post it next week. I’m really sorry for the wait :(

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weak4skz · 1 year

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Should I make ‘Hope is For Suckers’ into a series or should it just have two parts??

Also do y’all have any soft/hard thoughts you want me to write???

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weak4skz · 1 year

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What should I do??

I want to write a short oneshot on one of the members but I don't know who

please vote!!!!!

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weak4skz · 1 year

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Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, angst, fluff, eventual smut

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: Han and y/n have been friends since before they could remember. But what happens if their friendship is severed by an unfortunate situation and Han goes off to be an idol while y/n is in college. When they connect through a mutual friend, what happens then?

WARNINGS: insecurities, weight issues, body dysmorphia, bullying, toxic beauty standards, name-calling, self-harm (tell me if I should add anything else!)

A/N: first fic up. idk if I should make it into a series though. I hope you enjoy and I would love some feedback :)

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“Come on y/n” Han whined out from on the couch beside me. “We both graduated. I am not watching your dumb romcoms all night as ‘celebration’ let’s go and actually have fun.”

“First of all, they are not dumb Jisung” I started. Second of all, where would we even go to have fun? One of those dumb house parties?” I finished my response. We both sat on my living room couch, me in one of the t-shirts I stole from him some time last week. Han had been trying to convince me to go to one of his friend’s house parties for the past hour. Parties were never really my thing. I would much prefer to stay home and watch one of my ‘dumb romcoms’ instead. Han, on the other hand, was much more of an extrovert than me. My job was to pick him up from parties on the weekend when he had a little too much fun.

“We are most definitely going to a party. And we are gonna be the hottest people in the room and we’re gonna dance until we drop.” Han replied, already pulling me off the couch. “Now go put on something nice so we can go.” He had already somehow pushed me to my room and shut the door. Something nice. I thought to myself, silently walking over to my closet.

That leads to the second reason I don’t like going to parties. I am not exactly the right shape to wear something one defines as ‘something nice.’ Sure I wear a sundress here and there and even a fitting top every once in a while; I am not fit for the house party definition of something pretty. I am not pretty enough to wear the tight black dress that rests permanently in the back of my closet, I have too many curves for that. So, as always, I picked a pair of wide leg jeans and an oversized graphic tee. Not because they’re comfortable, not because I don’t want to wear dresses. I simply wear them to hide the things I don't want others to see, things I don’t want myself to see. I hide thick thighs behind the dark blue denim and rolls of all shapes and sizes under the black t-shirt. Not because I love the clothes, I don’t even enjoy wearing jeans. Simply, because they shield me from the truth: I am not pretty. Not pretty enough for Han, not pretty enough for my parents, not pretty enough for society, hell I’m not even pretty to myself. Well shit, now I’m crying. Great fucking job y/n. I silently wipe the tears, at this point it’s part of my everyday routine. I walk over to my vanity and reapply my mascara, wiping off the bits that are now falling down my cheeks.

“ARE YOU ALMOST DONE” Han shouted from outside my door, bringing me out of my own little world. “Yea, almost” I replied, trying to hide the fact I was just crying. I finished touching up my makeup, and walked towards my bedroom door.

I took an extremely long time getting to the door; dreading Han’s reaction to my outfit for the party.

“Let’s go,” I walked past him and towards the door, not looking at his reaction. I pick up the keys, silently signaling to Jisung I’m driving and walk out the door towards the car.

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After the longest fifteen minutes of my life, we arrived at the party. I immediately feel uncomfortable as I get out of the car. The flashing lights and loud music I can hear coming from inside informs me of the headache that’s about to arrive.

Han pushes me inside and all I see is people. There are probably 100 dancing teenagers shoved inside this two story house. Han immediately leaves me to my own devices after spotting someone he knows. I think I heard him say ‘he’ll be right back’ but i couldn’t really tell over the music. So, as the introvert I am, I look around the room for a corner to hang out in until I go home. I make my way over to the first empty corner I see and pull out my phone so I don’t look like a loner.

I have been sitting in this corner for about twenty minutes until I feel someone approaching me. I internally cringe because they reek of alcohol and sweat. I look up when the said person taps my shoulder.

“Hey baby. Are you here alone? I could keep you company” he slurs out, clearly drunk.

Ew “No thank you” I say trying my best to muster a polite smile.

“Come on baby, I know you want some company. Just come wi—”

I didn’t even let him finish before I slapped his hands off of me and pushed him away.

“I said no, so back the fuck off and go away.” I said through gritted teeth. I swear this was the last thing I needed tonight.

“ Listen here you little bitch. I was just trying to help you out but here you are acting all high and mighty. Well guess what, you are not even half of any person in this room. You're not hiding anything by wearing baggy clothes, you fat bitch.” The guy, whose name I don’t even know, started yelling out of nowhere.

Great. And I thought my night couldn’t get worse

Before I could make my emotional response; I reminded myself that this was bound to happen at some point. I remind myself that some people hate me like I hate myself. So I numb myself, blocking out the outside world. Reminding myself that I say the same things about me everyday.

I brushed past the drunk guy and the crowd of people that decided to watch to look for Jisung so I could ask him to leave. I scan the room and my eyes land on him. He was already looking at me with sympathy? Or worry?

Shit he knows.

My best friend, and crush, just saw me get utterly humiliated by having my biggest insecurity revealed to more than half of our graduating class. And even better, he didn’t do anything. Well, I couldn’t really blame him. He was standing next to some girl, a really pretty girl. She was cute: on the shorter side and she was really skinny. She had perfectly clear, pale skin and big doe eyes. She was everything I’m not; and at the same time, she was everything I wanted to be. Judging by the rumpled clothes, smeared lipstick, and puffy lips; I could only guess what they were doing.

Trying to escape the limelight suddenly sprouted on me; I give Han a quick thumbs up to signal I’m okay and wave my keys signaling I’m leaving before walking towards the door.

I turn back, hoping to see Han behind me, but instead; I see him tonguing the pretty girl’s throat.

Hope is for suckers, I remind myself. I remind myself that a guy like him could never like someone like me. That he just sees me as a friend, or even a sister.

With that, I leave; dragging my heavy thoughts with me.

#feeling insecure #insecure #insecure reader #han jisung #han x reader #han jisung x y/n #han jisung x reader #angst #fluff #stray kids #skz #stray kids x reader #skz angst #skz imagines #han jisung imagines

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