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it was fun while it lasted but it was all a mistake. im sorry i acted stupid. i wasted so many resources. we'll try to figure it out from here but i don't know where i'm going after this. i hope to be transferred so that i can stop wasting money on an education that is wasted.

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the only reason i haven't already is because all the options i have will hurt and i don't really like pain.

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i want to fucking kill myself atp. i've failed school. so now i can't get a good job so i can't afford a house or therapy. so now im doomed. im sorry mom. im sorry dad. im sorry for being such a fucking disapointment of a child. why couldn't i just have been a normal child. im sorry to all my friends. im sorry i wasn't good enough. im sorry to everyone i hurt.

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i don't deserve this /pos

i don't deserve this /neg

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i don't deserve this /neg

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why do i have to look at every boy who is like even mildly what i want to be and start fucking sobbing because i know i can't be him.

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How many people would come to my funeral? Who would come to my funeral? Who even cares anymore? I'm just a weak link. Everybody is so much better than me.

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i want to kms but i have people who expect things of me and that would be against their expectations of me.

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I need to do work but I can't do work because it's too late to do work and if I stay up any later then I will be too tired to do work tomorrow. But if I don't do work today then I will leave it for tomorrow. And if I leave it for tomorrow then I will be too overburden with the work that I will not want to any work. So then I won't do any work. So now I'm stuck in a loop where I want to start work but it's too much so I don't.

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If I were to stand at the foot of god and they called a jury. Would anybody even vote me as a good innocent person anymore?

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I think we might have some paranoid disorder because we keep jumping to the worst conclusions possible. I really hope the friend we were vague posting about does NOT see the posts we've made. Because I am so paranoid about losing everything because of the system collapse. I feel like my life is slipping through my fingers. I want to feel connected and like I have my friends back. But I can't. I just need some sleep.

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They've been talking to their other friends but keep forgetting to msg me. I just want my friend back but I don't have that anymore.

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I'm so tired. she didn't feed me and shes just leaving me to rot. She doesn't believe in me anymore.

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Do think if I continue to send my friend increasingly distressed emojis they'll respond to me?

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Just got reminded how fucking lonely I am. Especially during holidays and important events.

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Sometimes you wonder ,Icarus? Is this right? Are we doing it right? I'm happy to have my best friend back. He's great. But Britt seems scared. Krowe seems confused and scared of me. I know we remember everything now but I don't want him to be scared of me. I don't hate him since now I know everything. He just remembers what it felt like to be killed by me. Plus now we have to grapple with how to present ourselves. Hell this is probably going to be the one and only time I'll actually say their names because now we're going to have to start using aliases because of fear of being attacked. I'm not my source but I am so much like him. Krowe is not his source but he remembers everything. I still have interests exactly like him. Hell whenever I see the thing I really like in my source. I freak out. My head hurts thinking about this. I don't want to return back to normalcy. I'd rather go back and know everything then be here. I hate not being in my body. I hate having to act a certain way.

sorry hunny. i love you so much. i just care too much about our friends. it'll work out in the end.

I am the most normal. Most capable in this goddamn system. These fucking nagging voices are WRONG. WHAT I'M DOING IS RIGHT. WHAT I'M DOING IS CORRECT. Since I formed we have been asking "Where's the alter for this?" and "Where's this alter with these theme since we like it so much?" WELL HERE IT IS. You can thank me later. Yes it will hurt. But trust me. In the long run. It will help.

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I am the most normal. Most capable in this goddamn system. These fucking nagging voices are WRONG. WHAT I'M DOING IS RIGHT. WHAT I'M DOING IS CORRECT. Since I formed we have been asking "Where's the alter for this?" and "Where's this alter with these theme since we like it so much?" WELL HERE IT IS. You can thank me later. Yes it will hurt. But trust me. In the long run. It will help.