weirdlyomniscient

[weirdlyomniscient]

The Art of Being Mediocre - pt 2

Part two of my Naruto fix-it AU! Link to my masterpost here, where this concept is explained.

In pt 1, linked here, Kakashi had a mental breakdown in during the absolute horror show that'd been the Wave Mission, and resolved himself to find new teachers for his students. Teachers who, for one, could actually teach, and could also appreciate the three Genin for who they were (and not just ghosts of a past long dead). Teachers who would allow them to achieve their full potential.

Now, that's all well and good, but not very helpful on its own.

Because... teachers? For his students? His standards were so high it would be a wonder to find anyone amongst the Five Great Nations, not even mentioning someone he trusted enough to hand them over to!

The Chuunin exams were in three months; the clock was ticking.

He settles for playing into their strengths during this time: Sakura would work on her alreads outstanding Chakra control, Sasuke on his Ninjutsu and Naruto on his Stamina and passable brawler Taijutsu style.

During the evenings, he would search, desperately, for someone, anyone, to teach them.

In the last two weeks in Wave, while the village is being rebuilt, he introduces them to a basic course in shuriken and kunai handling. Sasuke, to no one's surprise and everyone's anyway turns out to be outstanding at it, but Naruto, they find out, has absurdly good aim, and Sakura came bafflingly close to stabbing Kakashi between the ribs in hand-to-hand when he didn't expect it.

(He can't believe he didn't do it before. What had he been thinking?!) (He hadn't been, was the problem.)

In Konoha, they reclaim ownership of training ground 3, where Sakura learns to spar a Kakashi clone on water, all the while keeping leaves stuck to her skin, Naruto does the same on land, minus the leaves (twentyfold, of course) while being pelted by fireballs by Sasuke, who has to run through the trees, trying to escape the waterbullets the third Kakashi clone throws at him every second he remains too still.

Every Naruto clone Sasuke pops with a fire jutsu is a minute-long break, every ten minutes Sakura manages to stay above water is one, every hit or good combo Naruto scores is one as well.

They get very few breaks. It's harsh training. It's more training they'd done in the entire time before ave combined!

They don't hate it as much as they thought they would.

(That's a lie, but they are very deeply in denial.)

Kakashi all the while stays in a tree, reading Icha Icha, and remains as aggravating as ever. He doesn't arrive as late anymore; that doesn't mean he doesn't keep doing his very best to annoy his cute little Genin into an early grave.

----

But as much as the days seem to be enjoyable, the evenings end up being torturous for Kakashi. He looks through longs lists of all Konoha Jounin, tokubetsu Jounin, hell, he looks through the secret ANBU registries to find someone, anyone, fit to his students.

There's no one.

Sure, Sasuke could just go to one of the many Jounin who would want to teach the Last Uchiha, but they could never appreciate him as a person (Kakashi barely could, and he spent most of his time around the kid) and they would never be enough to make Sasuke stay. Stay interested, stay strong, stay in Konoha. They could never make him to what he could be, what Kakashi saw buzzing under his skin.

Sure, Naruto could go to one of the few people who appreciated him, to his old teacher, Umi-something, to one of the rare people Kakashi would trust with the Jinchuuriki. But, again, there were so many problems. They weren't good enough for Naruto, not powerful enough. They didn't know about him. They didn't know him. They could never use Naruto's ambitions, his person, who he was, to get him to where he should be. At the top.

Sure, he could hand of Sakura to whomever. Hell, he could give her to practicaly anyone and no higher-ups would complain; she was a nobody. But that felt disgusting even as a fleeting thought. He had seen her potential in Wave, her inner strength. He needed someone who would not be blind to it. Everyone was blind to it. Even he had been, and he was one of the best! No one had ever bothered to look at the civilian girl and think, 'this one. She will achieve anything'. But Kakashi would make sure she would. Because she would stand right besides her teammates if it killed Kakashi.

They would be the strongest.

Now, just how to get them there...

He poured himself back over his notes on the three Genin, an ominous feeling of desperation looming over him.

[weirdlyomniscient]

The Art of Being Mediocre - pt 1

This is the provisional title of my Naruto AU, explained slightly in my masterpost here. If you ever get a better idea, feel free! I will try to make everything organised, but I don't yet have this app under control, really, so it's gonna take a while. (😭)

The plot of the AU starts at the end of the wave mission. Kakashi has a mental breakdown. How could he? His team almost died, and he was the sensei! He would have been the one responsible if they had! Nothing is ok anymore. He needs to do something

He can't. He's terrible at this. Someone else has to! He has to find new teachers for his kids...

(No worries, he will still be their favourite sensei! He's just in a bit of an emotional sinkhole right now...)

For the beginning of this AU, I'm going to post the beginning of the story I will never finish:

Kakashi pov.

They could've died.

They could've died, and it would’ve been because of him. They would have, had they been just a little bit slower, a little bit weaker. Had he been a second slower. Weaker.

They would've died. He wouldn’t have been able to protect them. He would’ve failed them, failed everyone. Failed himself. Like Rin, Obito, Minato-sensei, Kushina-san. And it would've been his fault: Kakashi's. Like it always had been, like it always would be.

It was his fault. Three children had almost died because of him. His children. His kids. Because he couldn't train them. Because he didn't know how. Because he'd been stupid. So, so stupid. How could he ever have been stupid enough to accept the responsibility for them? How could he be stupid enough to think he’d trained them well? Stupid enough to- to-

He should've known better. History had almost repeated itself and it was at his hands. His bloodied, red hands. The ones that had killed Rin. All but killed Obito.  

He'd listened to Gai's pleas of leaving Anbu and the mask behind. He shouldn't have. It was the only thing he could do for the village. The only thing he was worthy for, the only thing he could be trusted with. Not the lives of children. Not even their education, which he had failed as well.

How could he not have noticed Naruto’s attention for detail in action? Sakura being able to keep a cool head in every situation? Sasuke’s will to protect his teammates?

He was especially not capable of keeping these children safe. He had disappointed Minato-sensei and Kushina-san. His father. Mikoto. Sakura's parents, even though he didn't know them. He should; he should know them, should’ve met them, should’ve got to know his kids.

He was poison. Everything he touched wilted and withered away. Everyone he loved died. It was his fault, his curse. It had to be. Why did he think it would be different this time? Why did he hope it would be easy?

He shouldn't have hoped. He shouldn't have felt in the first place.

Feelings. They ate you from the inside out. They'd done it over and over again. It wouldn't be the last time either. Loved ones were just the ones that break you. When they inevitably leave. Die. Because of him. Because he was poison.

He was a murderer. An assassin. A monster. How had the Third put him in charge of Genin? Especially these Genin. How could anyone have accepted that? How could no one have questioned it? Why? Why?

Why again?

It was hard to breathe. Hard to see. Hard to do anything, really.

He was panting, making the choking noises of swallowed sobs.

I’m sorry, Sensei. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-

He clutched his side, that had been pierced by Zabuza’s sword. He did not wince, he never winced. A wince could be a death sentence. A lot could be a death sentence, in the wrong situation. But it still hurt.

A lot.

He squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t cried in a long time. A very long time. Since his father had died when he’d been four, to be exact. But now, a single tear stained his cheek, as he muffled sobs and cries of despair behind his mask.

He sunk to the floor and the back of his head hit the wall with a thump.

I’m sorry, Kushina. I’m sorry, Mikoto. I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, SORRY.

Sorrow. Love. Grief. They were useless. They made him weak. They made him cry. They made him break.

Over and over again they took the little pieces of his heart that had survived and been carefully kept together by the people around him and broke them all over again. Squashed them like flies until he felt like crawling into a hole and dying. Slowly. Painfully. With a stab wound to his side and a heart in pieces.

A whine escaped his throat and he shut his mouth with his hands, preventing any other sounds of escaping it.

He could feel, right behind him, just on the other side of the wooden wall of Tazuna’s house, three little hearts beating. They weren’t asleep. None of them were. They were all wide awake and terrified of what just happened, their heartbeats pounding rhythms thrumming in their frail little bodies.

But they were there. The bottomless pit of Chakra that was Naruto, the crackling wildfire that was Sasuke and the steady candleflame that was Sakura. They were there and alive and terrified and traumatised and it was his fault. He reached for them with his own Chakra and stopped just short of touching theirs. Too scared to show he cared. Too scared to feel.

Weak.

They were alive, but it had been so close. So, so close. Too close.

He wasn’t a teacher. He should never have been put in charge of them. Again, his head hit the wall with a thump. He bit down on his hand and resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall. Repeatedly. Hard. His mask felt embarassingly moist, his heart squeezing tellingly.

He wasn’t a teacher. It wasn’t in his blood. He recognized his old self in Sasuke, but apart from that they were completely different from him. How should he understand them? How they felt? If he didn’t even understand how he himself felt?

He wasn’t worthy of teaching Minato-sensei’s son. Mikoto-san’s son. Not even the little civilian girl he was worthy of.

It was his duty. But he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t worthy, he wasn’t good enough, he was never good enough. They always died in the end. Because of him.

He couldn’t let them die because of duty. He couldn’t kill them because of duty. Poison them, let them despair. Wither away. Like him, with his shattered black little heart and red, bloodied hands. Another tear dropped to the ground through his drenched mask. He bit down harder and gasped for air at the same time.

Screw duty. Their little lives, their little beating hearts, their glowing and lively – albeit terrified – Chakras behind him were worth so much more. So much more than him. Than his duty. His loyalty.

Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.

Obito was worth more. Rin, too. Them. All of them. Everyone.

He couldn’t teach them. Because he couldn’t teach. But what he could do, was find them a teacher. Someone that fit. Someone that could do it. Someone less weak, less afraid. Someone who understood them. Saw them for who they were, not just the reborn versions of dead teammates.

When he looked at Naruto he saw Obito, smiling brightly to hide pain. Rin fused with Sakura, so smart and impressionable. And a little despairing boy, hating the world but nothing more than himself.

He breathed in. Deeply. He heard the echoes of a life long-gone; Minato-sensei’s laughter when Obito did something stupid, Rin’s amused scolding, his own sighs, then annoyed, now fond.

He had to... save them.

The children. His children. His team. Protect them, whatever the cost.

His life, if need be.

And it would all be worth it.

(pt 2)

[weirdlyomniscient]

The Perfect AU - pt 1

Presumptuous title? Maybe! (It was my working title and I never bothered to come up with something else. As this progresses, maybe you will come up with something? Let's see!)

Will the whole AU be something a person high on crack would come up with? Definitely! Will you like it? I hope so! Will the characters be suffering? Only in mind, I promise!

The plot begins with Minerva taking over as Headmistress after the war, but after six years, she breaks down, a complete burnout. She tries to make Remus Headmaster instead (magically binding), but the magic decides that it prefers someone else...

Bam! Sirius Black and Severus Snape are now Headmasters, completely unprepared. That's certainly going to go well...

!!! This will start seriously !!!

If you want a more crack-ish start, follow the link on my masterpost for the fanfic on AO3. It will be better written and longer, with more details (although some may be changed on here), and many more jokes.

Let's get into it~ !

The war against Voldemort was over, Hogwarts little more than a shadow of what it once was. The students were terrified, they were borderline tortured for an entire year, fearing death around every corner.

Multiple teachers were dead, albeit Snape survived (he had an antidote on him, of course. No one would be that dumb, after all). Dozens of students were too. War was over, but it loomed over everyone, like a veil of Death.

Minerva became Headmistress in these conditions. She was trained for this, had been for years. She knew it was coming!

She didn't know it would be like this.

She worked, day and night. The sun set hours before she finished signing paper over paper, reading document over document, meeting people over people over people.

She made Sirius the teacher for Muggle Studies, because he was one of the rare people she could trust. Remus took over DADA, for the same reason. Paranoia coloured her every decision.

She had to keep the school together, but she barely managed to keep herself together. It was too much; she got so little sleep, there was no one she could trust, she was always watched.

But she was strong. She kept it together for almost six years. Six years of staying up past midnight, reading papers over papers until the letters swam together. Hearing herself be criticised, compared to Albus Dumbledore, an ideal she could never reach.

She broke down. It was too much. She couldn't go on. In the dark of the evening she called the teachers to assemble in her office.

When they stood around her desk in a half-circle, she herself stood. She stalked towards Remus, her back aching. She hadn't stood up much these past few years.

"Will you be Headmaster?" she asked Remus.

He panicked. He did not. Anything but that! He was already on the verge of depression, he couldn't do this.

Minerva, manic and terrified, tried to hand him Hogwarts's magic anyway. She needed to. She couldn't go on. She was broken.

The magic, a pure light of beauty so breath-taking it couldn't be captured into words, began to flow. In the pale moonlight, before the gaping teacher body of Hogwarts, it approached Remus, blank terror on his face.

Time was frozen...

The magic-

it-

divided, and plunged with strength into-

Severus Snape and Sirius Black.

The two crumbled from the power surging through their veins. A scream echoed. This had never happened before.

And it could not be taken back.

Magic had decided, for better or for worse.

[weirdlyomniscient]

Masterpost

Hello, welcome to my blog!

This is where I have decided to post all the HCs, prompts, ideas and stuff that gets through my head. I will post in drabble form, as one-shots, multi-shots, listing everything that goes through my head.

Anything goes, really!

The coolest thing that I will be posting, though, I think, will be my complete AUs.

I have at least three ideas for now of AUs that I will slowly post here. They are terribly well fleshed out, at least for two of them.

!!! WARNING !!! There will be no bashing, and please also be highly respectful in the comments. I am an avid follower of the 'We love and cherish all canon characters' ideology. But I do not glorify villains. Usually. Not unless they're dramatically ooc or called Orochimaru.

Here are my three AUs:

1. A Naruto fix-it that spans decades and that I spent years working on bit by bit. Very family-centered with BAMF team 7. No one is left behind, and everyone is loved!

-> Temporary title: 'The Art of Being Mediocre'

pt 1, pt 2,

2. A Harry Potter crack AU. And by crack I mean CRACK. Nothing is serious, and it gets worse and worse over time. Also everyone gets to be happy. (Except Umbridge. I'll have to see about her.)

-> I've started a fanfic on this on AO3, but I don't think it's going anywhere. Here's the link, though, if you want to get a feel of the crack going on (the plot hasn't yet really started up, so there's plenty to go over in this blog):

-> Fanfic name: 'Overworked, Understaffed And Slightly Mad'

-> Temporary Tumblr name: 'The Perfect AU'

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48925312/chapters/123426727

(is that the right link? Someone tell me please 😭)

pt 1,

3. A Harry Potter fix-it, by getting Severus Snape and Petunia Evans to date. Don't worry, it'll make sense. This one is a lot shorter than the other two, but all the cuter for it. They make some terrifying children, that's for sure.

I was also wondering if you would be interested to know the ships early on?

-> I could tag them, for example, because they won't be common ships, that's for sure! But they are cute nonetheless, promise.

Attention: This will be a highly interactive blog!

Give prompts, give ideas, comment! Give me headcanons to implement in my AUs, give ideas for one-shots!

(Warning: if I am not really taken by the idea/prompt, I probably won't write it. I've tried writing things I'm not passionate about, and it just ends up being terrible.)

Welp. This is it! Interested? Then you might want to follow!

Last Warning: I cannot promise this will be uploaded regularly, but I am motivated right now! So, there is some hope.

And now...

Enjoy!