welcometomyjourneyblog

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Grief is kicking ass!!!! I keep thinking how do people live with grief, its horrific!!! it really impacts every aspect of your life. Grief has left me numb and unable to go on.

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Dear mum, grief is kicking my ass. One minute I am smiling but the next i am crying beyond understanding. I miss you dearly, I can’t even explain how much I miss you!!! I didn’t even know it was possible to miss a person like this. I live you dearly and praying somehow this becomes manageable because I am sinking.

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Silke Schneider (@heimgemacht)

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I think I may be depressed 🥴

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Recently, I have been a happy soul and I love that for me! I am appreciating the little things, It’s amazing but I realise it took a lot of work to get here.

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Its ME time and I am loving it!!!

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I want something deeper so I will wait.

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Today is an off day and I have accepted days like this do exist. No matter how much how i fight its existence a day like this will still exist.

Here i am thinking about how I have been desiring a specific things for years now but it does not look like its coming way. Do i continue waiting or accept it? This thing is making me sad because in my lil head I am not asking for much, I want this like everyone else. I keep thinking is it something I do or say and this is why I don’t have it. I am annoyed now and actually upset that I am yet to be blessed yo have this.

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Looking after myself and pouring into me. I am finally finding joy in the little things!!

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This is sad but it’s true! I literally don’t know what I do in my life that’s fun apart from watching tv. I need to get more hobbies and enjoyment in my life.

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Today is Sunday and I am going to practise some self care ahead of this new week…I am truly in need of it.

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Who would have thought in 2022 I would be fucking suicidal. Like after all the therapy and the healing I have done within last year. I thought truly thought the only way this year is up up up. But wow it’s even worse than last last year.

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Goals for this week-

Spend less time on my phone, I think I am addicted on my phone and it’s not helping my mental health right now. So I will start with 2 hours a day without my phone.

I will start 45 minutes dedicated to prayer and reading the word.

15 minutes of words of affirmation.

45 minutes of my exercise.

Do my skin and hair routine.

I will implement this and I honestly pray I start experiencing some improvement.

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Lately I have been struggling and I really can’t pinpoint to why exactly. It could be because I still have that dreading feeling that life is not going in the direction that it should be going. Or it could be that I am in an environment that I find more stressful than anything and it’s not like I can change it right now. Or it could be recently I have been so irritable and it’s really impacting the people I love the most.

Basically what I am trying to say there are a few reasons that are making me feel low right now. It’s funny because in the beginning of this year I was committed to not experience such feelings…feelings of inadequacy. I thought I had done the required inner work during the last year and I truly thought this year I would escape from experiencing such feelings. I understand that I can’t stop myself from experiencing certain feelings, but I should be able to react to these feelings slightly better. I find myself in 2022 recommitting myself to combat the feelings of being inadequate. The same fight that I was fighting last year and it has me thinking if I will ever escape this feeling or will I ever be able to minimise it in my life that I barely recognise it? Questions that are pondering in my head.

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Today I am committing myself to start a business. Depending on one income is not my calling!!