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[werewolf-morgue]

I’ve never had a parental figure. I became the mother and the father, the sun and the moon. There is no place to call my home and I fear for the future. I want it to be better, and I will try. That’s the meaning of life. At least mine.

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a vent comic

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I’m SO giddy about this!! Tonight my cat, who is NOT a snuggler whatsoever and doesn’t like being in people’s personal space, crawled up onto my lap and asked me for pets!!!! Now she’s sleeping on my lap!! There’s more than enough room for her to sleep in her usual spot but she decided to come to ME! This is so out of the ordinary for her and I’m so honored that I was chosen!!!!! I think she knew that I was struggling and wanted to make me feel better AND IT ABSOLUTELY DOES!!! <3

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Dear Diary,

Today my beloved friend of three years and silly little guy has passed away. He was a wonderful dog. Loyal, quirky, and sometimes ominous. He was a dick to everyone except me. I think he knew we would be best friends. I knew that he was gentle if you gave him the room to be. He was an absolute snugglebug and sassy as all hell. Today, I will have to start moving on. He is gone and I miss him greatly. I’m so thankful of the memories we shared and what he has taught me. I hope he knows how much I loved him, and still do. I don’t believe in an afterlife but I hope for him that he is frolicking off in some fields up in the sky. Rock on, Steve <3

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If anyone asks, yeah I already know

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Moonlight, Wolf - Frederic Remington // You First - Paramore

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i spend my days waiting. waiting for the water to boil and my tea to be ready. for spring to come back. for more daylight. the oil in the pan to heat up. a “hey i miss you” or “can you help me out for a second?” or “you want to hang out?” text. for my phone to finish charging. for good news. flowers on the table. the next hug. “hey, you got the job!”. waiting for the sun. to set. to rise. to see both. for summer to be around the corner. a good song. a falling star. a text back. i spend my time waiting to be remembered. i spend my time repeating that tomorrow will be better. tomorrow will be better. i spend my days waiting and waiting and waiting. i spend my days waiting unbearably.

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wags my tail sleepy style

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I find myself missing home. But home hurts. It’s heart beats, barely. Though I can’t remember if it was more lively in the past or always slow and rhythmic. There’s a thick fog wafting through the halls and all around town. The sort of fog that clings to you, begs you to stay put. But you don’t. And it makes you miss it. There’s a comfort to being miserable when it’s all you knew. I miss bumming cigarettes and vapes from my friends. I miss walking around town after curfew. I miss the experiences I had and how I felt in those moments.

People move on. Life cannot be the same forever after all. You grow and change and adapt. Time moves forward no matter how hard you try and fight it. It’s cruel, really. I wish I could’ve stayed young forever. Given my home infinite chances to be better. I don’t think they would’ve done well no matter how much time they had.

But I too have left it behind. Changed my name, moved to a new city. There’s hope and opportunity around every corner. And then I realize. Yes, this is home now. I will make new friends. Feel the sun on my skin. Have late night gas station runs. Make brand new experiences and feel good in the moment. I will treat myself better and heal.

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hi! may i request a webweave on maturing too early/missing your childhood? thanks! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

naomi shihab nye the tent (via @weltenwellen) \\ kayla martel the long way (2022) \\ emily brontë the poems of emily brontë: "the prisoner" (c. 18645) (via @holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe) \\ via @gingerbronson \\ @francisforever2014 \\ odilon redon passage d'une âme

kofi <3

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I would love to feel alive again, but I’m not used to change

Citizen - Sleep

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who am i?

mary oliver house of light: “maybe” (via @weltenwellen​) \ the makanai: cooking for the maiko house (via @idleminds​) \ andrew wyeth spring (1978) \ susan sontag as consciousness is harnessed to flesh: journals and notebooks, 1964-1980: “february 17th, 1970” (via @theoptia​)

support me

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Dear Diary,

Morning

I didn’t really sleep last night. I just HAD to finish the thing I was working on, and by the time I was done it was 8 am. I opened the window and the blinds today. For both me and my cat. I think she knew we both could use the sunlight and fresh air. It was sunny out and you could see how blue the sky was! The warmth of the sun felt nice on my face and hands and toes. Maybe I’ll go out onto the balcony and drink some tea, maybe even read that book a friend lent me. But for right now I’m going to cuddle my snuggle buddy and get a nap in, hopefully.

Noon

I did not end up getting a nap in unfortunately lol. My roommate sort of hurt my feelings after I found out she was talking to her friend about how she’s the breadwinner, which is true and I’m so thankful she’s been kind enough to help me with rent and groceries and I’m so glad she has a well paying job to do her hobbies on top of helping me out! But she kind of worded it like I wasn’t trying to get jobs when I absolutely have been. I’ve been walking about two miles since my car is completely broken down to the places I can apply to. Plus I’ve been doing all the chores around the house with little help from her. Every time I ask she gets very upset and it’s hard to ask for help as is. It’s just upsetting to feel unappreciated I suppose. I guess I don’t really have all the information and I’m going to try to look at it in a positive light! Luckily I have therapy in a few hours so I’ll be able to express my feelings on it.

Night

Alright so we started the session and beforehand I was frantically deep cleaning my entire apartment and was super dissociated. I had my first meltdown in YEARS and it was very overwhelming, to say the least. But we realized if I’m focusing on a certain body part (which was my feet) we could bring myself back. I realized I was very uncomfortable with the socks I was wearing so I went and grabbed my emergency comfy pair and put them on. It really helped me feel so much better and we proceeded with the session. At this point I was also running on no food for about 20 hours, no sleep, and it was close to my shower time so I was feeling not so great overall (reminder to eat even when you really don’t feel like you have to or don’t want to, I know it’s hard but your body needs energy to run). We realized that I was planning on talking about my recent SA and it was completely understandable for me to frantically clean my apartment beforehand as I had associated my surroundings with how I felt during the attack. It was understandable that I wasn’t sleeping or eating because nothing felt “just right” as my body was in fight or flight all day. My brain didn’t feel safe as I was going to be recounting severe trauma from the attack. We did some grounding and comforting techniques to calm myself down and by the end of the session I was down from a 10/10 discomfort level to a 2/10! Now I’m going to eat some dinner, shower, and probably crash for the night. I’m very glad we managed to turn this from an undesirable situation to one I could handle :)

To recap what I found to help me:

Be prepared to have big emotions when you’re talking about your trauma. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed, you didn’t like what was happening to you and it affected you in a lot of ways. Know that you will probably shed some tears and possibly be on high alert all day.

Grounding techniques. Feel the textures on your skin, is it good or bad? If it’s bad, go change it! No reason to be more uncomfy when you’re already dissociated. Changing my socks really helped me calm down as I was focused on how much better these ones felt rather than the ones I had on, plus I was distracted with having to put on a new pair of socks. Yoga also really helps with this as it makes you to focus on how you’re feeling and your breathing.

Understand that when things don’t “feel right” enough for you to take care of your basic needs it probably means that you are overstimulated, uncomfortable, or maybe triggered. Try to calm yourself with grounding techniques, there’s many more out there that you can try!

If you are trying to clean frantically, stop and think of what could be causing it. Do I feel dirty? Is the area I’m in comfortable for me? Is there anything that I’m anxious about?

Stay safe and I love you all. I hope these tips can help some of you as they have for me!