what-gs-watching

[what-gs-watching]

“There are many kinds of death. Some are better than others.”

Soooo my job has been trying to kill me even more lately, which I didn’t think was possible, and also why I never got around to talking about the Doctor Who finale even though I have THOUGHTS, so I took a four-day weekend for this supposed holiday to try and come back to myself. And I’ve been planning for like a MONTH to use this weekend to go see 28 YEARS LATER.

Gang. The first time I saw 28 Days Later I was 20 and it was like 2007 and it blew my fucking mind. I was introduced to it by a dude that became incredibly important to me for a time and that viewing is such a core memory and so I was absolutely losing it when I heard Danny Boyle was reviving it. 

It honestly did not disappoint. But you probably need to be a super weirdo like me. 

Wherein we return to the UK 28 years after the rage outbreak that created a horrific zombie wasteland to find out that they’ve basically been quarantined and abandoned, because the rest of the world managed to stop the spread and kept on and basically just said ‘good fucking luck’ to any survivors. Which is very on brand. 

After a brief detour in the beginning to the start of the infection, centered on a little boy who sees his entire family slaughtered and then witnesses his pastor father basically offer himself up to the infected GLEEFULLY, the story centers on Spike, a 12 year old kid that’s  grown up in this apocalypse nightmare on a small island outside of Scotland with his dad, and his mom, who’s suffering from a mystery illness. 

I made sure not to learn a lot about this movie before going into it, so I wasn’t sure where we were going. But when it was revealed that Spike and his dad were going to the mainland (via a land bridge that’s only available during low tide)  for Spike’s first time I figured it was gonna be a whole hero’s journey thing where they bond maybe and then something terrible happens and maybe the infected manage to get back to their little island community. 

That is NOT what happened. 

They do go to the mainland for a bit, and Spike kills his first zombie - apparently we’ve got types now. In the first one, which I obviously had to rewatch last week, the thought was that maybe they’d all eventually starve, but no dice. Some of them have become bloated and disgusting and they mostly like, crawl around being gross and disgusting. So he puts an arrow through one of those but the zombie has a family and they almost get attacked and blergh you see like a little bloated child zombie and it’s just horrible. 

On the other end of the spectrum, the other infected are all wiry and emaciated but FAST and now we also have the idea of an Alpha, a zombie that’s become all beefed up and somewhat smart and has become the de facto leader of hordes.  And of course, they are much more difficult to kill. 

I mean, petri dishes are fascinating, and I’m surprised they haven’t introduced the idea that the outside world is trying to study what the fuck is going down in this wasteland but maybe I’m getting ahead of myself.

Spike and his dad to end up getting stuck on the mainland overnight after running from an Alpha and I was like ‘oh yeah it’s going down for sure’ but just kidding, they do manage to get back to their island even if the alpha almost does too, but is taken down at the literal last minute by the guards manning their wall. 

So I’m like ‘ok, what the fuck now?’ but while they’d been out and about, Spike had noticed a fire burning that his dad wouldn’t explain, and he learns from someone else that the fire was set by a doctor who’d been living alone out there. 

And here’s how I know that I’m probably losing my humanity - when it becomes clear that Spike is intent on taking him mom back over the bridge to try and find this ‘possible’ doctor based on one dude’s story, I was like ‘boo, I’m sorry, but it’s not worth it!’ The settlement has a clear policy about rescue missions, they don’t do that shit, and you’re 12, and babe, listen, if your mom is sick she’s basically going to die because y’all have literally no modern medicine left. It ain’t worth it. 

I clearly need to touch more grass. 

But they go anyway. And I won’t say a ton more than that. But it was interesting how jarring hearing about the actual rest of the world was for Spike, at one point, and how little compassion it has for the situation overall. 

And Ralph Fiennes was absolutely incredible. I thought the whole skull tower thing on the poster was just creepy artwork, but nahh, you guys. It’s real and fucked up and meaningful and creepy and I think it’s likely to play a bigger role in the next movie.

I read some reviews on Rotten Tomatoes where everyone complained about the ending, and I will admit I was like ‘what the absolute fuck?’ but you have to remember, Danny Boyle has a plan for a trilogy, it was never going to be a satisfying wrap-up. Was it completely ridiculous? Yes. But it brought us back to the opening scene and it tied in some easter eggs we’d seen throughout and it made me be like ‘I don’t know what is happening but oooh I want to find out’ sooo color me intrigued. 

The point is, I spent basically two hours with my hands over my mouth gaping and cringing and screaming internally because fuck it’s gory but also being impressed by how beautiful it could be and having a lot of feelings. 

For me, 28 Days Later is THE zombie universe. And I’m so excited to see it expand because honestly, at this point, wouldn’t a zombie apocalypse kind of be better? 

Is that fucked up? I don’t care. But for now, let your aggression out through watching an Alpha rip the head and spinal column out of some dickwad like it’s nothing - it will help, I promise.

[what-gs-watching]

“I can. I will. I do."

EVERYONE, LISTEN: DOCTOR WHO IS SO GOOD RIGHT NOW. 

I’m currently really annoyed because Max removed a bunch of seasons of Kid’s Baking Championship while I was in the middle of one but that does not matter because seriously, Doctor who is SO fucking good right now. 

It’s that gif where 15 is describing something and he says something like “like WOW” I’m literally hearing it in my head. I’m fully 100% immersed and I love it.

SO - 

The Well

Wherein The Doctor and Belinda continue to attempt to get back to Earth only to land in the 51st century, playing along so they can use the vortex indicator AKA the vindicator to get a lock on their coordinates, hoping to pop off again, only to find themselves in a nightmare.

Ya know, usual Wednesday, or whatever. 

This episode was SO strong, you guys. You get some of the cute cheekiness, Belinda asking if they need to change clothes before leaving the TARDIS so they can play dress up again (to the tune of “Toxic” which, ends up being pretty on the fucking nose), and my favorite part, 15 clapping back at one of the soldiers who told him it was inappropriate to call him “babes”, saying “okay, hon.” CHEEK. And the exact interaction a woman would go through if they’d been the one to complain.

The Doctor clocked that fucking soldier from the jump. There’s always at least one misogynist asshole in the mix, friends.

Anyway. So they drop down to a planet and 15 tells them they’re there as like, secret shoppers, to make sure they’re completing their mission accurately or some drivel and it turns out the troop is there because there’s a base that hasn’t been heard from in over two weeks. So they go in, because of course they do. And they find a ton of dead bodies, as you’d expect, and a single heartbeat behind a locked door. 15 can never resist a locked door.

The creeping sense of unease was on point in this episode, y’all. I knew there was a callback to 10 but I didn’t know what it was going to be, and it didn’t disappoint. Turns out, they’ve landed on the planet Midnight, except like 400,000 years in the future to when 10 had been there and was almost mimicked out of existence by an entity he had absolutely no knowledge of. Like, what a DEEP cut. I love it. 

This time though, instead of the entity trying to steal your voice, it latches to your back and kills anyone who crosses directly behind you. Which is a fun new tact to try, I’m with it. Gotta switch things up, and all that. 

So they find that this poor cook, Aliss,  is the only one left on the base and 15 goes off to do his thing while Belinda tries to tend to the remaining woman’s injuries and then of course, it gets creepy because Belinda keeps seeing something and then the other soldiers are seeing something and it’s all just fear and paranoia and idiots start stepping behind her, and they die. 

The troop leader, Shaya, is trying to be as level headed as possible but guess what! Our favorite douche from earlier calls some protocol on her to try and take over because she’s listening to the Doctor and there’s a great scene where he’s moving around Aliss and everyone is screaming to try and get him to fucking hold still because she’s moving as he’s moving but like we’ve already established that if you go behind her you die and it’s chaos and tada! He gets caught behind her. Satisfying.

Anyway, the Doctor finally approaches Aliss to figure all this out and he can hear the entity whispering to him and man there was so close up on his cute mug while he listened to whatever it was trying to tempt him with and his face was devastated. Of course, we have no idea what he heard, but whatever it was, shook my boy, and I don’t like that.

BUT then! He theorizes that the entity is afraid of its own reflection so he has Shaya do some fancy shooting because the base was mining something liquid and she busts the pipe to create a liquid mirror, which separates the entity from Aliss and they run. I love when they run. 

Of course though, they can’t get away unscathed and before they can get out of the base, the entity attaches itself to Belinda. Y’all, the best part of this episode was Shaya sacrificing herself - she shoots Belinda to dislodge the entity which attaches itself to her, and she fucking books it toward the big giant mine and gracefully throws herself in. It’s amazingly selfless and she is an absolute badass and I love when random characters can shine. 

And so everything is fine, basically, except MRS. FLOOD shows up as some higher up that the troop reports to,  and everyone is annoyed about it. WHAT IS HER DEAL? She’s got to be a harbinger, right? Like, she must be working for the thing that The Toymaker alluded to? And the fucking Meep mentioned. She’s gotta be.

One thing I will say though; I liked the reemergence of the entity, but its original incarnation was more terrifying. Mimicking you until it eventually steals your VOICE? That’s definitely horrifying. But those uniforms though? Dope. They looked great the whole time.

Lucky Day

Ugh. Oh my god y’all, I kind of hated this one. Love hated. Hate loved? It was so ICKY. Stop making me feel things about society so overtly. I don’t like it, it makes me squirm. But also, wow.

Wherein, Ruby tries to get on with her life without the Doctor and meets a cute guy named Conrad that claims he met 15 when he was just a kid, and then saw Ruby with him while they were hunting some crazy monster. He gets him on her podcast and she’s obviously smitten and it seems like they’re gonna have a cute adventure together.

THEY DO NOT HAVE A CUTE ADVENTURE TOGETHER. 

I’m gonna admit it, they had me in the first half. They really, really did. Conrad seemed like a good dude who had a run in with the Doctor that changed his life. We’ve seen that before. Remember that time 10 stumbles into a support group for people who had an encounter with him? I have “Mr. Blue Sky” on one of my playlists because of that episode. Usually people who have a barely there brush with him are awed and are so wholesome.

So it was cute for a while, Ruby does his podcast and she’s honest with him about her experiences and they start dating. When Conrad had seen her with 15 they were fighting a monster called the Shreek that like, pukes on people to mark them as prey and then comes back to basically eat them, and Conrad had been marked and Ruby brings him an antidote so he’ll be safe and it’s nice. I’m like, okay girl, move on with your life, get it. Do your thing!

After their 5th date, he takes them to a village where some of his friends live and she wants to be normal but she starts noticing signs that maybe the Shreek has followed them, even though it’s supposed to be locked up at UNIT. So she does the smart thing and she gets Kate on the line for some reassurance and she declines their help, she recognizes maybe she just has PTSD and she tries to settle. And Conrad seems like the caring boyfriend until the power goes out and his friend goes missing from the pub and he admits that he never took the antidote that was given to him because he wanted to be brave like the Doctor.

So UNIT does get called in and Ruby goes out to try and find the random missing guy because they’ve seen a couple of Shreek’s now and even though she tells Conrad to stay inside, he doesn’t. UNIT storms in like their badass selves but something is weird because they’re not getting the readings they expect but everyone can SEE two Shreeks hanging out but like, something’s not right y’all and guess what!

OFF come the masks. It’s two of Conrad’s idiot friends in costumes. And everything gets horrible from there. He says the most fucked up shit to Ruby and he’s live streaming on his shitty podcast or whatever the whole time and he wants to convince everyone that UNIT is lying about aliens and protecting everyone? How does that even make sense? HE’S LITERALLY SEEN IT.

But he’s apparently a butthurt little white boy who never got enough praise and is trapped in an echo chamber and there is where I don’t appreciate being reminded of the state of the literal world because kdgskdskg it’s so close to what’s actually happening and it makes my fucking skin CRAWL.

So this asshole embarks on a mission to discredit UNIT and fuck them over and make a bunch of money for himself because he’s a shit stain and it’s just all really gross. Ya girl Ruby can’t catch a break. Why is it that the two episodes she’s basically helmed by herself have been SO heartbreaking? I really just can’t.

Obviously this idiot has an in at UNIT and so he uses his stooge to get access to the building but then he shoots the dude helping him because he’s literally irredeemable and he comes up to the platform where Kate and Ruby are to, what? Convince Kate into admitting the entire setup is a lie? Like, did he really think that was going to WORK? He knows it’s real! What the FUCK was he hoping to gain out of his stunt?

Here’s what I’m definitely here for though: Kate calls his bluff. She’s got the Shreek outside ready to be transported and she literally has no more fucks to give. So she lets it out. Because of course this idiot didn’t drink the antidote that would have saved him. She lets it loose, tells everyone to stay back, lets darwinism take the wheel. And I LOVE THAT. Was it morally wrong? Probably. Do I care in the slightest? No. People like that deserve the consequences of their actions. 

Ruby was legit like ‘don’t do this we should help him’ and that’s nice and she’s pure hearted but nah girl. At some point, we need to fight back. And Kate was fighting back. And she’s gonna sleep like a goddamn baby, as she should. Sometimes, you have to make the hard choices.

So this shit stain starts crying and begging and Ruby swoops in and tasers the Shreek and he has the BALLS to say something like ‘oh your special effects are improving’ but then mofo gets BIT and thank god. 

They throw his ass in a prison. And Ruby vows to try and get herself together, process her trauma, and I hope she does. 

But then, we see this fucking incel transported into the TARDIS to get a dressing down from a wonderfully smiling Doctor, saying “You’re special for all the wrong reasons” which is the understatement of the fucking century. But of course, the dickface just digs himself in deeper, even after 15 tells him he dies alone in a prison cell. He loves the echo chamber he’s chosen, and no amount of logic or opposing viewpoints is going to pull him out of it. He literally says “I reject your reality”. 

HOW THE FUCK DO WE DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT? How did we get here? How do we get out of it? This episode gave me no answers and it just made my heart really fucking hurt. All I can do in my daily life is try to put it out of my mind because there are no solutions right now. Seriously, how do we combat this? 

And to top it off, here comes Mrs. fucking Flood to let this shitbag out of his cell so yeah, I’m now convinced she’s got to be a harbinger. And all of it is gross.

Hate-loved this episode. Emphasis on the hate. But fuck if it wasn’t good. And I can’t wait to see what happens next. I’m gonna need y’all to build me back up, 15, because you brought me way the fuck down. Can we at least get a really satisfying, happy ending to all of this since I won’t get one in real life? I trust you boo, don’t steer me wrong…

[what-gs-watching]

"Like this is destiny? Is that what you say to all the girls?"

I don’t know why there’s so much going on in TV this month but I love it and I’m thankful and I finally just watched the first 2 episodes of the new season of 

DOCTOR WHO 

And ooooooh baby! Ncuti, my gorgeous little weirdo, keeping up with the absolute RIDICULOUSNESS. It’s feeding my SOUL. 

I know there was shit going on last season with people saying it wasn’t good and viewership was declining and whatever, I get it, change is hard, but that’s the entire point of the show, fam. Doctor Who is campy. It’s always been campy. And every doctor has been different and they’re all their own thing and that’s wonderful, it’s a breath of fresh air every time and that’s the appeal! 

I will admit that I wasn’t a huge fan of 13. That doctor was not for me. I still watched it though, I gave all of those episodes a fair shake and I’m glad that I did. And I hope people are doing the same with 15, because he is really hitting his stride - the first two episodes of this season were redonkulous and I loveeeeeee it. 

Discuss!

The Robot Revolution

Wherein we meet Miss Belinda Chandra, a nurse in 2025 that was gifted a star by her teenage boyfriend seventeen years ago, and then it absolutely bites her in the ass.

I really enjoyed this intro to the new companion. Belinda was absolutely NOT having any of the shenanigans going on around her and I honestly really do like when the companion isn’t quite a willing participant. The Doctor needs more people to say NO to him, and Belinda had no problem with that. It took her a bit to get caught up on what was going on but when she figured it out she was basically like HELL NAH, and she took responsibility and she was a badass. 

Essentially, Belinda is kidnapped by robots and taken to her star which is actually a planet named MissBelindaChandra and she’s told she’s the queen and she has to marry the AI generator that rules everything. 

At first I was like, if you want to lecture me about AI and the dangers of AI (again, which I don’t mind like it’s definitely a hot topic I get it) don’t actually name the thing “AI Generator” but the reveal toward the end was so smart, you guys. I’m not gonna say anything else about the rest of the plot, it’s silly but LOL at the twist - I will also say the best line of the episode was “Planet of the Incels…” 

Cut to me yelling “DUDES ARE THE WORST!” Thanks for reinforcing that for me, Doctor Who. 

The other important part of the episode? Belinda insisting that the Doctor take her home. She really, really does not buy into his shit. He realizes that he met a descendent of hers that time he was trapped on a landmine in the 51st century and he’s so excited to show her that he scans her and throws it up on a screen all triumphant and she’s like “you tested my DNA without even asking my permission” and then she goes “God. You’re dangerous.” And OOF. He is. She’s right. The Doctor tends to get caught up in his little adventures and he’s all whimsical while he tramples over people’s bodily autonomy and it’s all fun and games but Belinda calls it what it is.

Remember the time 11 scanned Amy for like weeks when she was pregnant and also not actually Amy because she was a Flesh replacement? Yeah, like he had no problem doing that and we all didn’t give it a second thought. 

It’s nice that we're evolving with the times. Call. that. shit. out! And 15 was genuinely apologetic. She’s gonna be tough on him, and that’s probably my favorite companion trope. I’m down with you girl, let’s go.

Lux

Y’all. This one was so WEIRD and trippy and at one point I just kept saying ‘oooh I bet people are mad about this’ but you know how much I love meta things. This episode was a mishmash of strange with a hefty dose of meta and it appealed to me perfectly.  It’s a good day when I can say ‘what the eff did I just watch?!’ in a positive way.

Wherein The Doctor continues trying to get Belinda back to 2025 but ends up landing in 1952 Miami because they’re bouncing off the date they’re trying to get to, and they get sucked into a mystery surrounding a boarded up movie theater. 

First things first: WOW, those outfits. Belinda looked incredible this entire episode. I’m a sucker for classic 50’s looks and holy hell kudos to the costume department. I love the focus on fashion in the 15 era, it’s so visually appealing. I honestly was obsessed with her. Absolutely gorgeous. 

The point is though that a few months before they arrived a bunch of people disappeared while watching a cartoon at the theater and despite numerous searches they couldn’t be found so the theater was padlocked but people could still hear movies being played every night. 

Belinda tries to resist for a bit but she gets sucked in and they go in to investigate and things go bonkers. 

We’re apparently sticking with the whole pantheon-gods-as-villains theme this season and I’m fine with it as long as it pays off in the end (seriously, who is the final boss? That’s what I keep thinking about) and this episode was focused on the god of light. 

Do you like creepy cartoons that are designed to haunt your dreams? Then this episode is definitely for you. 

Honestly, I’m just so intrigued by them going balls to the wall with these storylines. What is the writer’s room like? I want to hear someone pitch the idea for this episode in great detail and then I want to see everyone agree to it. How did that conversation go??

Truly wild. The best and most polarizing part is the three background characters. What is a fourth wall, anyway? Let’s lean way the eff in, why not.

All of that to say, this season is off to a much funner start than last season and I am here for it, like, so hard. Belinda is wonderful and 15 is as babygirl as ever and I’m happy and I’m along for the ride. Will we get Belinda home? And will the journey be as silly and ridiculous as it has already been? A girl can dream.

[what-gs-watching]

"Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse for some."

PEEPS. April is like, a baller month for new tv apparently right now and I’m really excited about it. But my brain is also really tired  and I can’t dedicate power to processing new episodes BUT before I got this tired I did catch up on one new thing:

The Handmaid’s Tale. 

Wherein, a woman, June aka Offred (Elizabeth Moss) is trapped in an extremely religious dystopian future and is forced into baring children for a rich couple because birth rates in what used to be the United States (and everywhere else really) have plummeted. And THEN, every horrible thing you can ever imagine happens to her and everyone else, over and over and over again. 

I have an extremely weird relationship with The Handmaid’s Tale. I read the book in high school and was appropriately spooked by it and then got bought into the show years later. It came out in 2017 and that was a crazy time, sane people were very over what was going on politically in the US and I was like ‘cool, we could use a good cautionary tale right about now’ but like….fuck. Looking back on the show as a whole, it’s REALLY hard to swallow.

The thing is like, if you hadn’t started watching Handmaid’s Tale early on, you probably shouldn’t start now. I think I’ve only survived it because I watched it season by season. I’m pretty sure that if I attempted to binge this show like I would most others, my mental health would plummet. It’s so fucking dark and it’s gutwrenching and like yeah June is supposed to be this everywoman hero but seriously, FUCK. You’d have to be incredibly mentally healthy, the happiest fucking person alive,  to manage 2 or 3 episodes of this a day until you were caught up without being affected. That’s a gauntlet I would absolutely refuse. 

I think the most upsetting part is the beginning where they’re kind of showing how the country was taken over by these religious zealots. At one point June tries to use her debit card but her husband isn’t with her so she’s told she can’t. That’s TERRIFYINGLY close to a thing that could become reality. I mean, look at what’s happening with voter rights and birth names, right now. 

I know I should be gleaning things about the indomitable  spirit of humanity and the strength of a mother trying to protect her child and all of that but all I can focus on is that society collectively let it GET to the point where the country was taken over and people were forced into sexual slavery or literally worked to death or just straight up murdered because of their identity and it was not stopped. That’s what’s fucking scary. Because that’s exactly what society is like. We don’t give enough of a fuck. Maybe we won’t get taken over by religious zealots, but are letting barely functional bigoted morons impose things like this currently. Like it’s already happening.

So I take it back, maybe I do suggest people start watching the Handmaid’s Tale now. Maybe they do need to be absolutely horrified by the fiction to draw parallels to our current situation. And then DO something about it.

If you’re already heartsick though and very aware that something is wrong and you’re raging against all of it, skip it. You don’t need the agony. I’m only going through it because I’ve put in this much time already, and I can’t just not see it through to the end. 

I’m gonna be honest though, I’m not a big fan of June because I think she’s manipulative and shitty to the men that truly love her and she can’t recalibrate and like, form a good solid plan for shit but who am I to throw stones. Dystopian future gonna fuck you up in a lot of ways, it makes sense logic goes out the window. She survived so far, good on her. Begrudging respect, I guess.

ALL of this to say, I really do have a complicated relationship with this show. I’m not sure if I love it or hate it. I’m not sure there’s any way for this shit to end happily and I’m not sure I want it to? I don’t know. It’s thought provoking and that’s a lot for me right now. Which, I think a lot of us feel that way. 

Content does a great job at lulling us into a sense of peace and acquiescence, and this is absolutely not that. That’s probably why my hackles are up. I’m already uncomfortable on a daily basis, I need my shot of comfort. 

…which is why this show is probably important. I can’t just hide in the good stuff all the time. That’s how this shit comes to pass - too tired to fight, too lulled to care.

 Okay FINE, I’ve talked myself around.  The Handmaid’s Tale is a thing, and it should scare you, and you should see it. Might as well hop on now and fuck yourself up, it’s the final season, after all. You won’t thank me, but you’ll be something at the end of it.

[what-gs-watching]

“I generally keep track of the number of people watching me have sex. Isn’t that true for you?”

Surprise! I’m still alive. Mostly. My job has been insane for the past like two months, trying to get into this huge initiative that’s supposed to make a ton of money and it’s been a lot of pressure and so I’ve been just comfort watching because my brain literally can’t handle anything else after a long workday 

BUT! I finally just took a short vacation up to see my nephews as an early birthday present and that means binging something new with my sister and we picked

THE RESIDENCE. 

And it was mothereffing amazing. So, so, so, so so so so so good. Like wow. 

Wherein, the head usher of the White House dies during a State Dinner and the ‘best detective in the world’  is brought in to try and solve the mystery of whodunnit. 

I have to start by saying that I REALLY appreciate the fact that we as a society seem to love the ‘quirky detective that is the GOAT of detecting in their universe solves a truly ridiculous case’ trope. IT NEVER GETS OLD! Benoit Blanc. Poirot. Sherlock Holmes, obviously. Jessice Fletcher (yeah, she totally counts). And now, Cordelia Cupp. 

It’s one of my favorite themes ever. I will never tire of it. I will watch every ridiculous show / movie that utilizes it. They aren’t all going to be amazing of course, but this one really, really is.

I  will also admit that in recent years I haven’t cared about anything coming out of Shondaland - I mean, I was obviously obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy in 2007 like the rest of the world, and I have watched the entirety of Scandal (mostly because I’d sunk too much time into it to stop when I realized that Olivia was batshit crazy and I hated her relationship with Fitz) so I was thinking this wasn’t gonna be good and I’m glad to be proved wrong. They need to make more things like that, please let Grey’s die already and go all in on weird, funny things. It’d be worth it, I promise.

Anyway. There’s eight episodes and they’ll make you laugh out loud and also feel really terrible at points. The story is mostly contained to a single night at the White House and there are a ton of infuriating and or wonderful characters and I’m truly obsessed with Cordelia Cupp in a weird way. She’s a birder. And that’s so ridiculous. It’s a giant plot point within the show and it’s not something I thought I would ever find interesting but it kind of was. What a weird hobby! But people love it. And I kind of get it, now? Like, why. 

The entire cast is fantastic, but I really love the FBI foil Cordelia has in Edwin. He’s the perfect punching bag slash sounding board and one of the least terrible men in a room full of terrible men. At one point she laments when yet ANOTHER dude shows up to tell her how to do her job or fight over jurisdiction and I was just like ‘giiiiirl, I am with you.’ HOW MANY DUDES DO YOU NEED? 

Basically, Cordelia is a bamf. And all of the random stories and background information she gathers is fascinating. I LOVE drama, like ridiculous workplace drama gets me going and that is basically, the entirety of the show. It’s all about interpersonal dynamics and how small shit can turn into big shit can turn into a motive for murder. 

A.B., the murder victim, was just trying to run basically the most important household in the country well but people are people and they can be terrible and petty and he handled all of it with grace and he never had a family but the House was his family. And I enjoyed that they let the audience get to know him through his interactions with all of the different ‘suspects’ - sometimes there isn’t enough focus on the victim but Cordelia made sure he was at the forefront. 

Also, there were enough twists and turns to keep this show interesting as hell. I really do try not to guess who did it because I just want to go along for the ride but my sister and I couldn’t help but theorize on how it was ultimately going to play out. I really don’t play that game but I just kept saying ‘YO who did it I need to know’ and the reveal was really, truly fantastic. 

It ended up being the character I wanted it to be, but I couldn't explain WHY or HOW so it was super satisfying to be justified in my random hatred of them. Looking back on it, maybe it would be kind of obvious to someone else but man, they lead you down so many paths you get twisted around and it’s enough to just follow Cordelia’s crazy brain around until it all makes sense. 

Finally, you should know this before you start: Andre Braugher was meant to play A.B. but he passed away with only half of his scenes finished. If you watch this with that in your mind, it’s gonna devastate you even further. He would have been the PERFECT A.B. Wynter.

The point is, here’s how I should probably be ranking shows from now on: while I was watching this, I actually put down my laptop, and like really, really watched. Can’t remember the last time I’ve done that. Lose yourself in it, you guys. It’s all about the birds.

[what-gs-watching]

“Remember, I’m Donald ducking it okay? Shirt, no pants. So my poke bowl and my smokin’ hole are OUT…”

HI. I just have to gush for a minute, because it was a really shitty weekend and I’m decidedly avoiding thinking about the reality of my life so I finally fell down the rabbit hole that is the SNL 50th anniversary content.

YOOOOOO. The thing is, I, like all weirdos, grew up on Saturday Night Live. When I finally got a tv in my bedroom I’d make sure everyone was asleep on Saturday night and I’d turn it down real low and I would just get sucked in to whatever was going on that week. It was edgy, it was funny, it was always on point even when it wasn’t, and as we all know, SNL has given me some of the great loves of my life. 

Andy Samberg. Jason Sudeikis. Bill Hader. Will fucking Ferrell. TINA FEY. Amy Poehler. Goddamn Kristen Wiig and Kate McKinnon. MYA RUDOPLH. Jimmy, my hometown baby, Fallon. 

SNL is just so absolutely special. It’s this powerhouse, cultural beacon that plucks fucking crazy comedians from obscurity and gives then a platform and lets them do weird things with celebrities and highlights just the strangest smattering of musicians. It’s the perfect amount of controlled chaos. I really don’t know what part of my brain it feeds, but it’s just so STUPIDLY human.

When ringtones were a thing, I had a text tone of Will Ferrell doing Robert Goulet. I had no idea who Robert Goulet actually WAS, but Will’s impression for some reason was incredible. I can honestly still hear it, it was that sound bite of him saying “dinkle donkle dinkle donkle, someone’s calling you! GOULET!” Like, why? WHY did that make me so happy? 

Literally, not even a few months ago I posted a Weekend Update video in my engineering team’s slack channel to explain that I have ‘VOICE IMMODULATION, TINA!’ because of how insanely loud I can be. And that wasn’t even the first time I’ve used that sketch to get people to understand why I am the way I am.

I fell disgustingly in love with Lonely Island, and I still very decidedly am - I probably know all of their albums by heart. I was deeply obsessed with Jimmy and Tina hosting Weekend Update, and then even more deeply obsessed with Tina and Amy hosting Weekend Update; I’m pretty sure I’ve formed world views based on their snark.

 Keenan Thompson has created some of my all time favorite bits, and I respect the fuck out of him that he does them for a bit and then never does them again. I still sometimes sing my favorite song from “Deep House Dish” because ‘THIS IS MY SIGNATURE LOOOOK! And I’m gonna WEAAAAR THIS OUT!’ I also still scream ‘WHAT UP WITH THAT?’ 

The point is, this show is ingrained in me in a VERY real way. And I’m so thankful for it. And if you are too, at the very least, you need to watch the 50th anniversary special. There is a lot of other content you should watch too - the concert special, the documentary about the music of SNL - but good lord, the live anniversary show is two and a half hours of fantasticness. 

Debbie Downer. The Laurence Welk Show. Keenan scaring kids straight with his prisoner persona. Sabrina Carpenter and Paul Simon. BRONX BEAT! Featuring Linda from fucking Coffee Talk!!!!! Adam Sandler singing his fucking heart out about 50 years of the SNL experience, with more emotion I think I’ve ever seen from him. A digital short about the crippling anxiety that fuels the entire goddamn show. 

Bill Murray’s ranking of the top ten Weekend Update hosts. The girl you shouldn’t have started a conversation with at a party. Kate McKinnon’’s frequent pantless alien abductee, whose mother was played by Meryl. Fucking. Streep. 

I’m honestly just like vibrating out of my skin, that was exactly what I needed. And I’m sure that some people might just look at it like an excuse for celebrities to pat themselves on the back for no reason, but truly, there’s magic in this show. There’s legacy. It’s just…pure joy. People being absolutely ridiculous in an attempt to get someone, ANYONE, to laugh. Because it’s fun. Because it feeds us.

Comedy is healing, you guys. It’s art. And SNL has given us 50 years of beautiful, stupid, irreverent creation. That should be celebrated; let them be proud of this monstrous, sparkling, inane thing they made. It’s so, so, so remarkable.

Like I said, I had a hard few days, I was going through some things that made me act the fuck out and I lost control of myself, but then I sat down and watched SNL appreciate it’s own existence, and it helped to bring me back to who I am. Is that ridiculous? Probably. But that’s the magic of content. And I’m so thankful for it.

[what-gs-watching]

“Hey, fսck you for being emotionally healthy right now.”

Okay listen, I realize I’m like, super fucking late to this party. And my sister bugged me like, forever and ever about it and I kept putting it off because I was wallowing in seasonal baking shows (which are so soothing for some reason, no regrets) and whatever else.

But Y’ALL, Shrinking is FUCKING INCREDIBLE. Holyyyyyy hell. I am honestly super overwhelmed. It’s just…beautiful.

Wherein therapist Jimmy Laird (Jason Segel) and his daughter deal with the loss of Jimmy’s wife in a tragic traffic accident, surrounded by an incredible group of supportive friends, including Jimmy’s mentor Paul (freakin’ HARRISON FORD), their neighbor Liz (aka Jordan from Scrubs!!) and her husband, his coworker Gaby, and his best friend Brian (aka the guy who is in one of favorite newish christmas movies, Single All the Way).

As we know, I’m all about the relationships in anything that I’m watching, and yooo, this show is ENTIRELY RELATIONSHIPS. It will make you want to sob and then immediately laugh your ass off. It will make you feel like you can get through anything if you just have the right people in your corner. It’ll help convince you  that people are fundamentally flawed but they can and they do get better. Honestly, it’s just going to make you FEEL.

This show will clobber you over the head and then hug the shit out of you. And I have to tell you, two episodes in a row is more than enough. Stop there. Let yourself recover, you’ll need it.

I’ve tried therapy like, one and a half times in my life and it was never super helpful, I assume I was going to the wrong people or I wasn’t in the right space or whatever the eff, but man this show makes me want to try again. Can Shrinking just be my therapy? Can they just make this show forever until I can tangentially figure out what’s wrong with me? That’d be incredibly helpful.

There’s so many good storylines going on. Jimmy’s relationship with his daughter. His neighbor stepping in and parenting her while Jimmy spiraled. Paul being a cantankerous fucker, battling through his Parkinson’s but still seeing patients, still helping Jimmy and Gaby be the best professionals they can be. Jimmy reconnecting with his best friend. And going completely off the reservation in his therapy practice and being slightly unethical but still helping his patients get results. And then basically adopting Sean, who is one of my favorite parts of the show (although every part is my favorite part, honestly). Sweet Sean, a vet that’s running around getting into bar fights because he can’t handle his rage, who ultimately moves into Jimmy’s house and struggles with his relationship with his dad and getting himself back together after so much trauma and is just a charming addition to the entire ensemble. 

One of the best things about Shrinking is that you can see a little bit of yourself in everyone. I’m definitely some of Jimmy, but I’m also Gaby and Alice and Liz and Brian. I want to be more like Liz’s husband Derek, and also Derrick (aka D2, aka COACH! from New Girl and the most handsome man everyone has seen in real life). I want to ‘get in the sea’ about it. I want to be able to say ‘everything goes my way’ unironically. I want to tumble rocks (not really) and begrudgingly give them out to the people I love. 

It’s definitely difficult to explain the power of this show, but I think a lot of it comes from the acceptance of everybody’s trauma. They all have heavy shit that they’re dealing with, but no one is ever told to get the fuck over it. Jimmy was selfish as hell in the beginning with his grief, he gave up and couldn’t look at his kid because she looked like her mom and he left her to the freakin’ neighbor but no one ever really blamed him. Everyone is given grace. And yeah there’s fights about the shitty things each character does but it comes from a place of love and acknowledgement that they’re going through something. 

Why can’t everyone be like that? Like, ‘sorry about your shit, you work it out however you need to and I’m here to help let me know what you need’ and that’s it. Everyone’s trauma is their own, don’t make the way they’re trying to fucking deal with it about you. It’s really, really not. Give people some fucking GRACE. Everyone deserves it.

Also y’all. THE MUSIC! Am I listening to a spotify playlist someone put together while I write this even though I’m supposed to be doing my actual job? Yes. It appeals to the hipster in me. It’s hitting me with songs my husband and I used to obsess over when we were dating, and that makes me feel all the things. And I mean, shit,  the theme song is written by Ben Gibbard from Death Cab For Cutie. It’ll WRECK you:  

Help me carry this weight / that's dragging me down / Pull me out of the drink before I start to drown / Let the wreckage all sink / To where the fishes are frightening / I wanna hear myself think again

It’s no surprise that this show is doing something similar to me that Ted Lasso did, since it’s another Bill Lawrence joint, and Brett Goldstein is involved. NO spoilers, but his character here is the exact opposite of Roy fucking Kent and it’s still just as beautiful. He will make you sob. A lot. And I can’t wait to see what happens to him next season. 

The point is, I finished this like, five days ago and it’s still circling around my brain. I want to crawl back into it and wrap myself in it like a blanket. It’s funny, it’s devastating, it’s deep and superficial. Shrinking introduced me to “greasing the peach” which is absurd, but it also  makes me want to be a better person.

I really do just want to hear myself think again. You probably do too; let Jimmy help you.

[what-gs-watching]

"You can be beautiful or you can be ugly, but you can’t be plain."

Soooo I’m pretty sure I died over Christmas; my entire family got a stomach bug that was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, and now I have a head cold and I’ve lost my voice and I’m convinced this is some weird limbo and I’ll never be healthy again.

BUT! Before all of that, my dad and I got to indulge in our favorite holiday tradition: going to the movies. He and I have been sneaking off in the afternoon once everyone falls into a Christmas coma to see something for like, fifteen years. That man hates holidays because my mom goes insane trying to make them perfect and he just wants to escape and I appreciate that he allows me to go with him. 

This year, I was especially excited - the first time I saw the trailer for A Complete Unknown in September, I called him immediately screaming about it. Bob Dylan’s music was a huge part of my childhood, another thing that my stoic father shared with me, and could not wait to see it with him. Honestly, I’d been vibrating out of my skin about it, shrieking at the tv every time the commercial would come on.

Gang. It was so worth it. What a beautiful fucking movie.

Wherein, 19 year old Bob Dylan (Timothee Chalamet) heads to New York City in 1961, befriends Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger (Ed Norton), breaks into the folk scene, falls in love, has insane on and off stage chemistry with Joan Baez, writes songs that define a generation, puts the Newport Folk Festival on the damn map, learns he doesn’t really love fame, and then eventually goes electric. 

I do realize this movie isn’t going to be for everyone - it’s specific. Like, were you alive then and you’re wanting to relive that time and the way Dylan’s music made you feel? Perfect, you’ll dig it. Or, are you a super weirdo like me that WISHES you were alive during that time and just deeply loves the 60’s aesthetic and longs for what you think was a simpler era but it really was not, and you just want to romanticize the whole thing and feel wistful about it? Amazing, get your ass to the theater. 

One thing I appreciated about this movie was that it wasn’t really shoving anything down your throat, what was happening wasn’t overly explained, there were no ridiculous voice-overs or forced understanding, and honestly, Dylan was fairly mysterious. It didn’t feel like it was from his point of view, you’re not going to come out of this feeling like you finally GET him. He’s still this weird mythical genius, just doing what he’s driven to do. He never explains himself and he never wants to. So is this really a biopic? Or are we just seeing a snapshot in time, take it or leave it? I don’t think it matters; it’s wonderful, either way.

Also, like, DAMN, Chalamet. He was fucking incredible. Dylan is a hard guy to portray, he’s always been kind of aloof, withdrawn, he’s never seemed like this larger than life personality and to pull off that demeanor in a way that’s still endearing to the audience is NOT easy. He really encapsulated Dylan’s confusing charm, it was pitch perfect. And I had to laugh to myself a bit - last year’s Christmas movie was Wonka, also starring Chalamet. What a hilarious dichotomy from one year to the next. 

I’m going to be watching all of the award shows just for this. Give this dude all the flowers. 

As much of a fan of his music as I am, I never did a deep google dive on him and so I really enjoyed seeing his relationship with Joan Baez unfold. The scenes of them performing together were honestly beautiful, their voices blending and complimenting each other. Her song “Diamonds and Rust” unsurprisingly was also a large part of my musical upbringing and to learn she’d written it about their relationship - fuck. I listened to it again after we left the theater and it was devastating in an entirely new way.

Here’s the thing. I absolutely cried big fat tears a few times sitting there. It’s not a sad movie in any way, shape or form. But when he performs “The Times They Are A-Changin’” at the festival, just him and his guitar and his harmonica, and the crowd starts singing along with him, having never heard it before, I sobbed, smiling. 

When I was a senior in high school, my dad - who notoriously never put effort into gifts for us kids, relying on my mom to know what to buy - sat down and  made me a bunch of mix CDs of the songs he’d always been sharing with me. One of them was his 12 essential Bob Dylan tracks. The rest of that year, I lived in those tracks. The agenda pad I used for that school year was littered with Dylan lyrics, it’s my basement even now, “don’t criticize what you can’t understand” scrawled all over it.

So I was 17 again, sitting there, or 8 or 21 or any of the ages I’ve been where Dylan has kept me company. “It Ain’t Me Babe” is deeply ingrained in my mind as part of the dumpster fire that was the relationship I had with the first boy I ever fell truly in love with, and watching his long-time girlfriend Sylvie (Elle Fanning) witness him singing that with Joan Baez was like a punch to the gut. 

I’m not 100% sure what I’m driving at with all of this, but what I can tell you is: A Complete Unknown is beautiful. If you have any connection to Dylan’s music, it’ll light your soul on fire. If you don’t, it’ll still immerse you in a time or place you really should visit. It’s fascinating and visceral and glimmering, and it just might change you, a little bit.

HOW does it FEEL?

[what-gs-watching]

Friends, there's less than two weeks til Christmas, and if you need to get into the spirit, for reals, WATCH THESE.

I'm working my own way through this list - already hit all of the Christmas Prince movies and Holidate, which, god it's such a good movie. Hilarious. Really, really quality, and charming as fuck.

It's cold, it's gross, it's time to curl up in a heated blanket and enjoy the cheese and the coziness. I can't be the only one doing this on a friday night, right?

“It’s Christmas time, pretty baby, and the snow is falling on the ground…”

Well, now I’m in the interview prep portion of the bootcamp thing I’m doing and y’all, I don’t loveeee trying to practice talking about my experience. I really am one of those people that just shows up and says whatever tumbles out of my mouth and that has worked, so far, mostly, I guess. But apparently now I need to really try and that is a bummer. 

But it’s November, which means I have carte blanche to throw myself into the Christmas season. Gang, I love Christmas. I really do. I have a big family and it was always a fucking mess at my parents’ house but it makes me feel cozy and warm and so every year the Saturday before Thanksgiving I drag my husband to the tree farm because we have to have a real tree, and by the time we’re eating turkey, my entire house is decked out and it’s time for CHRISTMAS MOVIES.

I started this blog because I had been rambling at my engineering team at the time about my complete and utter obsession with Good Omens and I’d described my “What G’s Watching” game. One of the engineers said he’d absolutely read this trifling mess, and we had talked about Christmas movies, I forget why, and he said he could imagine curling up with a cup of tea and reading my rant on said movies. It was part of what ultimately convinced me to do this stupid thing, obviously.

So Kevin, if you’re out there, this is for you.

Welcome to my ultimate list of basic bitch Christmas movies (OTHER than the typical ones, we don’t need to talk through those do we?) you can stream this season. All previously released, because we’re gonna have to talk about the new ones  as they come. You’re welcome.

______

The Christmas Chronicles (2 movies, Netflix)

KURT RUSSELL is Santa and he’s caught by a brother and a sister  while delivering presents and they end up going on a crazy adventure to save Christmas after something obviously goes wrong. 

YOU GUYS, IT’S KURT RUSSELL AS SANTA. That should be enough for you. Because he is literally the PERFECT Santa Claus and I will defend that ‘til the end. The beard is perfect! And he plays Santa like a super cool badass! And there’s a fucking musical number!!!!!!! 

The first one is better than the second one, but the second one is still fun and has GOLDIE HAWN as Mrs. Claus and it’s so cute I could literally die. 

I straight up love Christmas Chronicles and I don’t care who knows it. It has the right amount of emotion and it reminds me of being a kid kind of and really, we’ve always needed a COOL santa. I have no idea why I’m so obsessed with Kurt Russell in this situation, but I really, really am. Absolutely no shame here.

WATCH IT.

A Christmas Prince (3 movies, Netflix)

A prince of a made-up country needs to return home before Christmas Eve so he can assume the throne after his father died, and a wanna-be reporter of a magazine? I think? Is assigned to cover the story.  She pretends to be the new nanny for the family and OBVIOUSLY hijinks ensue. Obviously.

Y’all, there are three movies in this series. They made THREE of them. And they’re all ridiculous. But also kinda charming. Like, something to put on while you wrap presents and then you find yourself, like, halfway through the second one and you’re like “well I’m here now, might as well get through the entire thing, I weirdly need to know how this ends.” 

It’s pure fluff. It’s a perfect Hallmark-esque situation, but better than the Hallmark movies because the heroine doesn’t actually need to give up anything for love like Hallmark always makes them do. Like, girl, why can’t you have a career while your husband does XYZ small-town job? WHY NOT BOTH. 

The point is, ya girl likes a happy ending. All of these have a happy ending. Everything on this list will have a happy ending.

Let It Snow (Netflix)

It snows on Christmas Eve and a group of kids in a small town, including a pop star for some reason, deal with that, and their issues, and it builds to a big ol’ party. 

This one is way better than it sounds. There is an adorable queer relationship, and two friends figuring out they’re in love, and one girl realizing she should go away to college because she can’t just stay and shoulder all the issues her family has, and friends prioritizing their friendship, and Joan Cusack playing the town’s crazy lady. 

I’m clearly still like 17 at heart so I enjoy a good ‘random teens figuring shit out’ movie. It’s just cute as hell. 

Holidate (Netflix)

Emma Roberts hates holidays because her boyfriend broke up with her so while she returns shitty Christmas presents she meets a dude who agrees to be her random ‘date’ for all of the holidays that year. 

Okay, this is not strictly a Christmas movie but it starts and ends at Christmas, and it’s fucking hilarious. This is not for kids, but oh my god, I laughed way more than I expected to. And the dude is Australian which is sooo up my alley, and of course the point is that they randomly end up falling for each other and sometimes I need a good romance that is kind of, sort of realistic (in how awkward it gets at times) even if the premise is ridiculous. 

Like, if you wanna get drunk on some wine with some adults that are not easily offended after the kids are in bed, this is the one. 

Single All The Way (Netflix)

A guy doesn’t want to go home for the holidays because his family is gonna be judgmental about his taste in dudes and the fact that he’s perpetually single, so he drags his roommate along for the ride.

Y’all. This is just a really, really adorable love story. No bullshit tricks, no stupid plot, just two friends falling in love. 

I very clearly love boys falling in love, and this one is sweet as hell. Also, it’s got Jennifer Coolidge as the crazy aunt! And Kathy Najimy! The family is hilarious and the boys are relatable and of course there’s a point where the main character is set up with a super hottie but like, they figure it out eventually. And not in a stupid, cheesy movie way. It just feels really cozy. 

This was hands down my absolute favorite the year it came out. Hard recommend.

Spirited (Apple TV)

 A re-telling (kind of?) of a Christmas Carol, but make it a musical with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds.

Okay I’m gonna admit it: this one is so WEIRD! It absolutely did NOT need to be a musical whatsoever but I could not look away. I will watch anything with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds though, and it was funny. And I did not expect the twist they worked in. 

Do you have two hours to be strangely pulled into this and then feel weird ways about stuff? You should. This year, I’m gonna eat a gummie first. It’ll be worth it.

Zoey's Extraordinary Christmas (Roku Channel with ads, but it’s not horrible)

A woman who’s gained the power to see/learn people’s emotions through witnessing them do elaborate musical numbers, has an unsettling family christmas.

Hear me out on this one. I was absolutely obsessed with Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist (it’s on Peacock; go watch it, like, right now. Immediately). It was such a ridiculous concept for a show but it was really so effing charming. And heartwarming, and also heartbreaking. If you haven’t seen the show, the Christmas movie is  not going to be as emotional for you, but it’s still extremely cute. The pageantry! The musical numbers! The family dynamics! 

I’ll admit this is niche as hell, but Zoey is my bish and I will tell anyone who will listen they should watch. I miss that show terribly.

Somewhat Honorable Mentions

Netflix did two random movies last year that I did watch: Christmas with You, starring Freddie Prinze Jr (!!!!!!) and Falling for Christmas with Lindsay Lohan.

Listen, I support random actors I have loved since I was a kid doing Christmas movies. Especially since they haven’t gotten up to a whole lot else. I want Lindsay Lohan to figure her fucking life out, because I can’t let go of Mean Girls or The Parent Trap. She could have been a whole damn thing and I’m sad about how things went for her and I just want her to be okay, you guys.

Is her Christmas movie mostly terrible? Yes. But it’s good background noise, just like Freddie Prinze Jr’s, and I want them both to keep doing things. So watch them while you’re cleaning the house, because why not?

______

Because I literally have all of the time in the world on my hands, I’ll probably watch almost all of these, and my favorite old standards too. 

I’ll save Elf and A Muppet’s Christmas Carol  to watch with my little nephews when I head home. We’ll do the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve as a weirdo family. I’ll put on White Christmas while I get the tree decorated and I’ll be singing ‘when I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep..’ for days. I’ll put on The Holiday in between Christmas and New Year’s because I am very much Kate Winslet in that movie, always the best friend, never the leading lady.  I might be able to tempt my Christmas-avoidant husband into Home Alone.

The point is, Christmas movies are such a wonderful and ridiculous genre of content. Because let’s be honest, no one’s holiday season is ever like that. No one, in the history of the world, has Christmases like they do in these ridiculous movies. But it’s nice to pretend. It’s nice to get that warm fuzzy feeling, it’s nice to imagine having the perfect decorations, or a crazy adventure, or a surprising romance. Because we all know, winter is bleak. It’s dark at 4:30 in the afternoon and it’s sludgy and wet and gray and unappealing. But it’s never that in Christmas movies - it’s always magical and exciting and twinkly. And we all deserve something magical and exciting and twinkly. At least until we can make it out of the dark. 

So, stream it all, y’all, it’s that time of year.

[what-gs-watching]

“Well, I was made of snow, and now I’m made of….not snow.”

So I finally got to see my nephews last week and it was wonderful and they’re so cute and I squeezed the shit out of them but my sister and I were incredibly disappointed that I ended up heading back home the day before HOT FROSTY premiered on Netflix.

Friends. I love Christmas movies (did I write a post about my favorites last year? Yes). I love TERRIBLE Christmas movies. We watched a bunch of the new Hallmark ones while the kiddos took their naps and they were awful and predictable and I love that about them. But I don’t have the Hallmark channel at home, so instead,  every year I get excited about the new ones my various streaming platforms have decided to cook up.  

There are some gems out there honestly (no seriously, go read the old post) and then there are some that are on the bad side of absurd. I’m struggling to decide where Hot Frosty lands.

Wherein, a creepily buff snowman comes to life in an idyllic small town (Ted from Schitt’s Creek!!!) after a cute diner-owning widow Kathy (it’s obviously Lacey Chabert, OBVIOUSLY) wraps a scarf around his neck. That’s it. That’s the entire premise. 

Kathy meets the snowman, who decides to call himself Jack because he stole an outfit with the name stitched on it, and then they just, do a bunch of random stuff while Jack tries not to melt? And he says he needs to keep the scarf on at all times because he thinks it’s keeping him alive but like, that’s never tested? And she’s trying to keep him away from the town’s Sheriff because to get the clothes he’d accidentally shattered a window to the second-hand store, and had streaked naked by an old couple while doing so, which is apparently the height of crime in this town. 

Which means I’m leaning more toward the bad side of absurd. But it’s worth a watch wherein you’re doing something else and it’s on in the background, mainly because:

There’s Craig Robinson! And Joe Lo Truglio! (The sheriff and his deputy.)  And a bunch of references to other Netflix Christmas movies that were giving me life. At one point, Kathy scoffs about the idea that Jack is actually a snowman by saying  “yeah and I’m the queen of Aldovia” which is A Christmas Prince call out.

Later, she sets Jack up at her house to watch tv to keep him out of trouble and when she turns it on, it’s playing Lindsay Lohan’s Falling for Christmas and Kathy says something like “she looks just like a girl I went to high school with” which Y’ALL, I will take any Mean Girls reference anywhere anyday anytime I absolutely fucking love it.

They also sneak in a scene from Single All The Way into the tv background so yeah, I’m a geek for all of that. I’m never not gonna be charmed by random easter eggs of things I enjoy. Netflix really knows who the fuck is watching this movie. Which I’m a little offended by. But oh well.

HERE’S the thing though. Maybe I’m getting crotechy in my old age but like, I’m starting to be offended by these storylines where a dude magically comes to life and then falls in love with the first girl he encounters. Like, they make it a whole thing to keep talking about how Jack has only been alive for a few days and at one point he tells her he loves her and shes’ like “yeah no that’s not possible” but then at the end they’re in love??! She also makes a big speech about how she hasn’t been taking care of herself since her husband died of cancer and she can’t really love anyone else until she starts loving herself but then LIKE A WEEK LATER, they’re in love. 

I get that this is the whole point. I get it. Bitches want Christmas magic love stories where absolutely ridiculously unrealistic things happen because that soothes us, I guess? It’s supposed to scratch some weird thing deep in our estrogen-soaked brains?  But like, I’m finding I can’t stomach it like I used to.

Is it weird that I’d rather see them be friends for awhile? Like, why can’t he come alive during one Christmas season, she decides to help him get a life together once he becomes human (even though he only became human because she kissed him, whatever we can write around that) and then after a few more Christmas seasons where they do a montage of them like being friends and working on themselves and whatever else, THEN they fall in love?

I was strangely hopeful when she gave that speech about needing to take care of herself but JUST KIDDING, YOU GUYS! You can ignore all of your problems when you meet a snowman/turned jacked dude because he somehow teaches himself how to fix your roof. He’s handy, so everything is gonna be fine and it’s not weird at all that you guys jump into a relationship even though he’s never had A REAL LIFE before! That’s what gets me. It’s like, you can have the perfect boyfriend as long as he has absolutely no other life experience and you can just encourage him to be whatever person you want. 

It’s not Stockholm syndrome but it kind of is? Why is this romantic, again? 

Though I have to shout out Lacey Chabert’s eye fluttering - DAMN that girl can flutter them lashes. Like, wow.

I probably should have waited to watch this until I was in a more blissed-out-Christmas state of mind. That’s on me. It’s good eye candy and it’s good for seasonal background noise and it’s KIND of cute, like it’s ALMOST cute and maybe I just wasn’t in the right mood. 

Basically, if you’re wondering if Ted from Schitt’s Creek has gotten hotter, you’re in for a treat, and that’s just gonna have to be enough (spoiler alert: he erotically helps get a car unstuck from a snowbank. Enjoy!)

I'm just glad it's that time of year again. Hello, Christmas movie season!

[what-gs-watching]

"Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we can go off together!"

So. I was supposed to be in Boston this weekend enjoying some well-earned time with my tiny baby nephews that I haven’t seen in over four months, but, right before my flight, I tested positive for COVID because my husband’s job is stupid and they forced him into an in-person trip last week and tada! EVERYONE got COVID. 

I’m furious. So I got into bed and I cried about it and I felt sorry for myself and I tried to settle down and THEN I saw the news about Good Omens season 3. 

And so now I’m feeling more terrible things on top of terrible things. And I hate it. And I’m devastated. And slightly relieved. And sad. And grateful. 

If y’all are unaware, season 3 is now just a single, 90 minute episode that will supposedly wrap up a universe that has become so large, so important, to so many. And that feels like a gut punch.

The thing is - Good Omens saved me last year. I’d watched the first season when it came out in 2019 and then kind of forgot about it, but was excited when I learned about the second one. I went back and re-watched the first and then dived into the second and it took over my heart and my brain. I finished it maybe a week or two before I was unceremoniously fired from my toxic-as-fuck job and I was absolutely unmoored and I needed something

And thankfully, Good Omens was there. It was a way for me to shut my brain off, lose myself, without actually losing myself. I absolutely could have been extremely self-destructive just then, I have that streak in me and it runs deep, but I didn’t have to follow it because I was too distracted by a 6,000 year love story between two beautiful idiots. 

So I watched the entire thing again (and again) because I couldn’t get over it, the brainrot was real and welcome, and I wrote about it here, and then I found the @goodomensafterdark subreddit (because it turns out, I’m a little bit of a creep and so are they) and I fell into fanfic and all of that is the main reason I made it through nine months of devastating, trying, numbing, soul-crushing unemployment. 

And maybe found myself a little bit, too. I’ve changed, I know I have, and it’s good and it’s odd and I think I like it.

And all of that is absolutely because there’s such a huge community around this show. It’s absolutely fucking beloved and it speaks to weirdos like me because it’s malleable and it can be whatever it needs to, to whoever needs it. There’s so much possibility, the breadth and depth of the universe and all of its history and two perfectly imperfect characters finding themselves and each other inside it. The potential of the story is alluring. And the things that have been created by the people who connected with it, the art and the words, it’s beautiful (‘Pray for us, Icarus’ and ‘Factory Settings’ and ‘How do we turn on the light’ and fucking ‘Shutgun Wedding’ and people like @vavoom-sorted-art and goddamn @gleafer, I mean FUCK), and it helps this world we all cherish expand even further. 

Which is why the people that love it, that have been touched by it, just want an ending that does it justice. And it’s horrific to have to accept that someone who helped create this universe and these characters that have dug themselves into our lives could be an absolute fucking degenerate, but honestly, haven’t we’ve moved beyond that? They don’t belong to him now, they belong to all of us. It’s heart wrenching to think that one piece of shit could taint something so beautiful, so I understand the grief. We were promised more time, and it’s hard to let go of that.  

But it could have been worse. Based on the chatter Amazon was ready to pull the plug entirely and I get that, why risk it? Who wants to roll the dice on something apparently partially created by someone like that? Cutting their losses just makes sense. 

So I’m thankful too, that we get something, and we get something because there are still good and amazing people behind this thing that love it as much as we do. That understand it’s become bigger than just another show churned out by one of the many streamers. That’s something we can rejoice in. 

The important part is, we’ll get an ending. And it’ll be ‘canon’, but you know what, y’all? Fuck canon. We apparently have been following the wrong anti-christ all this time, so does it really matter what’s considered “true”? We’ll get to see David and Michael bring something to life one more time, and that’s beautiful, being able to visualize it - appreciating the swing of Crowley’s hips and Aziraphale’s micro expressions and his heart eyes and the very specific and beautiful chemistry these two overwhelmingly perfect actors bring to these characters, but that doesn’t have to be the final word, it doesn’t have to be the ONLY thing we get - 

because Good Omens has a life of its own, it’s a self-contained universe and it invites anyone in, all of us in. Whoever you are, come as you are, join this weird fucking multiverse and make of it what you need. 

Aziraphale and Crowley are husbands. They’re wives. They’re best friends. They’re eldritch horrors. Crowley never fell. Aziraphale fell. Neither of them fell. Both of them fell. They’re angels and demons. They’re humans. They’re a ghost story. And a love story. And a horrifically tragic story. And a fantasy. And a fairytale. And they’re trapped in a time loop. Or they both spent 6,000 years on earth but didn’t meet each until recently. They’re feuding history professors. Or unlikely roommates. Or exes trying to reconnect. They’re an archangel and a duke of hell attempting to stop the fucking second coming. 

They’re soulmates attempting to settle in the South Downs and figure out what it finally means to choose each other. 

They’re all of that. They’re everything, all at once. They’re whatever you see in them, they’re what you need them to be. 

The point is, these last 90 minutes, these precious 90 minutes, are hard won, and I’m starting to believe they’ll be beautiful and satisfying because I need to, but they’re also just a jumping-off point. The story doesn’t end. The universe continues to grow. Because all of you wonderful people out there, writing and creating and appreciating something that speaks to you, sharing it, letting it connect us. 

Beauties, Good Omens belongs to all of us. It’s bigger than flawed humanity and dubious business decisions. It’s OURS. So feel what you feel, but also feel lucky, because like Michael said, it’s going to be okay. After all, even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we can still go off together (forever, in whatever way we choose).

[what-gs-watching]

“You’re getting the fuck of a lifetime, tonight.”

OKAY friends. As we all well know by now, I am, and have been, utterly devoted to David Tennant in all forms for a long time. The man is incredible. He’s everything. He can do no wrong. 

So I was obviously out of my mind excited about Rivals. Have I read the book? No. Should I probably have joined the GOAD subreddit book club to understand what I was getting into? Yeah, absolutely. But I did not.

Y’all. Does anyone else feel personally victimized by this show? Show of hands? No? Am I just a sensitive bitch right now? Fair.

I should have expected that David Tennant’s character was a true creep because I know he likes to mix it up, that’s on me, but I did not expect to feel so many WAYS about things. Wasn’t this supposed to be like a fun, sexy romp set in the 80’s wherein I could just shake my head at British people being british?

I really came into this show knowing basically nothing. I definitely need to stop doing that.

AKA, wherein a bunch of pompous Brits living in the Cotswolds fuck each other’s wives or husbands or neighbors or WHOEVER and fight over who should control the local television rights - David Tennant’s insanely charismatic and crazy manipulative Lord Tony Baddingham, or intrepid Irish interviewer Declan O’Hara and unlikely ally MP and former olympian Rupert Campbell-Black.

LISTEN, TV, don’t make comments on the difficulties of marriage and love and other things, directly into my face. I don’t like it. It makes me squirmy, and I hate you. 

In the beginning, I really did not like Rupert and was yelling about him being a fucking creep, and I was letting Lord B off the hook for some of his weirder behavior but wooooof, what a journey those eight episodes take you on. I do appreciate character growth, or also, I guess, character…descent? Because Tony absolutely fucking unravels. 

Something about absolute power corrupting absolutely?

Also, there are a ton of characters in this thing. And I’m obviously gonna fixate on Lord B but I have to be honest, Lizzie, neighbor to the O’Hara’s and wife of one of the tv personalities at Tony’s station, is my favorite part of this entire tapestry. She writes saucy novels and she’s underappreciated in her little life and she raises her kids and has an adorable best friend relationship with Rupert (which definitely helped me soften to him) and I connected with her way more than I should have.

She tries so hard to get her husband to pay her attention. She really wants to feel like he cares about her, that he thinks she’s worthy, and he never gives it to her. BUT then she meets Freddie, awkward tech magnate, and y’all. Their adorable, bumbling interactions are everything. He runs after a train when she leaves the chapters of her new book the train! He appreciates the hell out of her, and she does the same for him, because his wife is equally neglectful. 

I don’t think I’ve ever rooted so hard for someone to have an affair in my life. She deserved to get absolutely everything she wanted. We all do. And I don’t appreciate being EXPOSED like that. 

Anyway. We obviously can’t get into every single random storyline here, so we’re gonna hit the highlights, lightning round style.

I do really like Declan, and his relationship with his wife was interesting - she’s an actress so she’s always going to be dramatic but he seemed like he knew how to handle her, and I appreciated the passion they had together. I don’t love how they ended up, you can see he really does love her, but she doesn’t want to compete against his work for his affections. I get it. But like girl, you gotta give a little? But also, that shit is hard. Their relationship seemed like one of the realest, for sure. 

What I could not bring myself to be okay with, was Taggie’s (Declan’s 20 year old daughter) feelings for Rupert. I’m sorry y’all, no. Like, sure, Rupert becomes more of a person throughout the show and I appreciate that and I get that he maybe hasn’t ever really loved anyone but I’m not gonna sign up for the love story between the two of them. And usually I’ll sign up for anything. But I just can’t, I’m not sure why. It just still feels predatory to me. 

Will I eat those words if they make a season two? I suppose we shall see.

And now, Lord B. Tony-fucking-Baddingham. Foolishly at the start I was like, maybe he does care about his very typical, dowdy english wife. She looks very salt of the earth and sure it’s surprising she’s not young and hot but man, they seem to work well together, they get each other. What’s gonna go down here? 

And then just kidding, he’s fucking Cameron Cook, the American female producer he hired to create amazing television for Corinium. Because of course he is. He does seem to think she really is brilliant, but he wants to control that and own it and he somehow convinces himself he loves her? But the man is a sociopath. And I spent like, the final three episodes yelling “GIRL, he’s gonna try to murder you, like for real tho…”

But then he does shit like dancing with her at a restaurant while crooning along to a stripped down version of “Love is a Battlefield” and I’m like, maybe he contains multitudes? But he doesn’t! There’s no fucking hesitation in any of the terrible shit he gets up to. That sweetness is purposeful. It’s gross and it’s mesmerizing. 

Bless Georgia Tennant for convincing him to take this role. I hate it, and it’s wonderful.

Also, big fucking props to the way his proper wife lays down the law in the last episode. (Side rant: early on I was like ‘does he ever fuck his wife?’ and he does, and it’s so awkward, bless her. I get it babe, I really do). But she met her fucking limit and she didn’t shy away from it. We need more women standing up for themselves. Cameron does to a degree, but Monica is the true MVP in this mess. 

I think the worst part about this show is that it ends abruptly, honestly. You don’t get a lot of closure, everything is still up in the air and there’s a serious fucking cliffhanger and now I’m just mad and weirdly turned on and again, feeling a lot of ways about things. It’s very “thanks, I hate it.” 

Let’s be real, I showed up to this thing so I could ogle David Tennant in a new way. And I definitely got that - those fucking cigars! And the suits! That gorgeous, predatory smile! But I also got a lot more. I’m infuriated and confused and I need season two immediately. 

After all, Lord B did promise that he’d continue to make television we want. And even if he’s a horrible, terrible bastard, I’m gonna believe that.

Bonkbuster indeed.

[what-gs-watching]

“Work like a captain. Play like a pirate.”

OKAY SO last week I found out that Joshua Jackson had a new show??!! And when I screamed and told my husband he was like ‘oh yeah I saw that on Tiktok’ and I was flabbergasted that he didn’t bother to tell me.

Hello. Did I not just suffer through all of Dawson’s Creek a few months ago just for Pacey? Have I not been screaming “PREVIOUSLY ON FRINGE” for like, over a year?! Husband, you dropped the ball.

But it’s fine. I’ve been running around excited about this since then, texting my sister incessantly and watching the trailer and just oogling this man who is clearly in his silver fox era and I. am. HERE. for it.

Don’t misunderstand me, gang - I knew from the get that this show is going to be terrible, but I absolutely do not care. Everyone needs a guilty-pleasure, absolutely 10000% so-bad-it’s-good show, and this is definitely gonna be my new one.

Doctor Odyssey.

Wherein incredibly sexy and beautiful Joshua Jackson signs on to be the doctor of a decadent  cruise liner because he’s trying to find joy in his life or some nonsense, and is immediately inundated with crazy medical emergencies.

WHAT A RIDICULOUS SHOW! Ryan Murphy, I get it - it’s all about the aesthetic. It's beautiful, the ship and the colors and the whole thing, I really enjoy a visible feast but man the content is going to be absolutely bananas. And cheesy. And maybe a little trite. 

But that’s what makes it fun!

Joshua’s “Doc” has two people under him, a nurse and a nurse practitioner who have been working together for a few years. Obviously the nurse has a crush on the NP but she basically immediately ends up making out with Doc, which was obviously the first thing I predicted. 

It’s formulaic, but at least they can play with the weird medical shit that might happen on a cruise - poisoning from eating too much shrimp, someone getting a broken penis (no really, that was a storyline, and we find out that Doc knows all about it because he had one, once?! Oh Pacey…) and a dude falling overboard among other things.

ALSO y’all. There was a scene where the nurse challenges Doc to a dance-off. Like, not ironically. NOT IRONICALLY! You know it’s gonna be a good-bad show when I’m sat on my couch squealing about how terrible it is and how much I’m into it.

My sister said to me, “I keep thinking it’s a Doctor Who ripoff”, which OMG I wish I would DIE for Joshua Jackson as the doctor, but it’s more a specific-situation Gray’s Anatomy ripoff. And I’m down for that. I was very hard into Gray’s for a few years until he just spun absolutely out of control. 

This show is going to feed my desire to see this man in tight white pants and swimsuits and gorgeous sets and ridiculous situations and awkwardly written drama. What more could I ask for, honestly? Sometimes you need a mindless show, and even though I don’t LOVE the idea of watching something as it literally airs on TV, I will make an exception for Peter Bishop every damn day. 

It’s gonna so dumb and so silly and so terrible and I’m gonna watch every single episode. Hello new TV season! I’m sooo happy.

[what-gs-watching]

“Everything you do, you’re doing for someone you care about.”

Fun fact, kiddos - it’s now been just over a year since I was fired and that is absolutely wild to me. It doesn’t feel like that long, and it feels infinitely longer. I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to get through it for a while there, but I’m pretty thankful for where I ended up. It turns out, workplace trauma is a real thing even if I feel stupid saying it, and it’s weird and thrilling to finally be in a situation where I feel seen and supported. 

And I have to say, I appreciate that I’ve had this little corner to rage through all of those inconvenient and gross and upsetting feelings, while content has kept my spirits up (or appropriately down). The internet can be a wonderful place. 

And so is this season of Only Murders In the Building. It can be hard for a show to maintain quality the longer it goes on sometimes, but honestly OMITB is only getting BETTER. My sister was texting to say this might be the best season yet, and she might be right. 

DISCUSS.

Episode 2: Gates of Heaven

GANG. Steve Martin is fucking incredible. This episode was soooo good. After discovering Sazz’s remains in the incinerator, Charles is still covered in her ashes and it’s heartbreaking to see him shaking and panicking about trying to wash ‘her’ off - the entire scene of him in the bathroom trying to wash it into a bowl so he can pour the water into a mason jar and let it evaporate - jesus. It was ridiculous but like, how else do you react to that? I can’t imagine. 

And then the crew has to figure out what to do, deciding to capitalize on having some time before the police arrive, because NYC’s 911 line has an incredibly long wait.

So Charles and Mabel go to investigate the tenants of the Arconia’s west tower, who apparently are all lowly renters (GASP! The horror) since they’re convinced the shot must have come from across the courtyard. They insist that Charles stay in his apartment, he was clearly the target, and so he waits and he frets and he’s on hold and of course he’s seeing visions of Sazz. Just like Mabel had with Tim Kono. But it’s more devastating, more satisfying this time, because we’d seen some of their friendship and I love that they delve into it even further. 

Having Sazz do the voiceover on this episode really was perfection. 

And how good was the surprise visitor Charles gets while he’s hiding out in the apartment? It makes me think that Sazz’s killer got in to drag her body to the incinerator through the tunnels. “A mix of parkour and psychosexual manipulation” is up there on the list of best quotes of the series, for sure.

Meanwhile, the Westies are WEIRD and Mabel and Oliver end up playing a card game with them called “Oh Hell” which the internet tells me is actually a real thing and apparently they also hang a pig leg in the bathroom that they chop at with a knife? It’s all very suspicious.

But the most important part of the episode is when Charles describes working with Sazz, how he’d do his scene up until the most dangerous part and they’d yell “CUT” and Sazz would say “tap in” and finish the stunt. She took every single hit for him.

Also, the scene where Charles describes Sazz helping him make friends on the set of Brazzos? Jesus. “You took care of me in every way a person could take care of someone.” My heart, y’all. 

Eventually, once the police have come and gone (I love that Detective Williams shows up and is exasperated with them as always - “shut the fuckin’ fuck up”) they luminol the floor and discover that with her last bit of strength, Sazz scrawled “tap in”. She absolutely knew what was going to happen. How effing devastating.

Episode 3: Two For the Road

Obviously I’m going to say I loved this episode because of my frankly unhealthy love of Zach Galifaniakis. I can’t stop, I won’t stop - detective Williams and I have that in common. She shows up at the beginning to feed the gang information since the FBI has taken over the case, and when she sees Zach walk into the apartment she loses her mind, and I’ve never felt so seen - “scrumptious fuckable baklava” indeed. 

Of course Mabel is upset their movie doppelgangers have shown up by Oliver is over the moon, he wants to convince Zach to get into his character, so they decide to split up with their actors to investigate.

Y’all, Eva Longoria is obnoxious immediately. Like, absolutely the worst. Talking about “her Mabel”. But I just finished rewatching Schitt’s Creek so I really enjoyed Eugene Levy being SO into Charles. It’s adorable. He’s convinced Charles is some deep, fearless savant. 

Eugene and Charles trying to get the Westie with the eye patch to remove it because they are wanting to see if he has a bruise from a potential gun kickback, is pure awkward comedy gold. They’re “yes and”-ing each other. Hilarious.

Eva and Mabel end up at Christmas-all-the-time guy’s apartment and Kumail Nanjiani plays it really well. Kid really is fit. And Eva is still the worst, but I love that it turns out that he actually hates Christmas, but keeps up the charade because his most successful fitness video was Christmas-themed and he’s now he’s trapped because social media is a fucking disease (she says, writing a blog entry she’ll post to complete strangers).

OBVIOUSLY though,  my favorite part of the entire thing though is the fucking montage of Zach and Oliver learning Oliver’s character. Zach playing the flute and their matching shoes  and their creepy ass smiles and running with shopping bags and the little kick at the end. Holy hell, he’s beautiful. 

But he’s also a dick, he pretends he’s invested in Oliver only to talk shit behind his back. He’d told his agent he wanted to play deep, psychosexual dramatic characters and he thinks Oliver is just a pure fluffy narcissist. Howard’s speech in defense of him is sweet and also depressing as hell but it turns Zach around, at least. “You’re this technicolor cockroach refuses to die. I HATE you, but I love you.” 

Funnily enough, at the end of the day, Eugene realizes Charles isn’t complex, he’s just a chicken shit. How the turn tables. 

They do end up with some clues though - a picture of the Westies with one person’s faced scratched out, the ‘tinsel’ they found in the sniper’s nest isn’t tinsel at all, and after Mabel decides she’s going to squat in the empty apartment/crime scene in the West Tower, they get a warning from a stranger on the ham radio they’d stolen and monitored. Shit’s coming together…

Episode 4: The Stunt Man

I think y’all know what my favorite part of this episode was, but we’ll get there in a second because right away we’re back to Charles seeing visions of Sazz. This time he’s dreaming she’s wandering through a forest and he’s trying to catch up with her. I really appreciate that he isn’t discounting what he’s going through, he immediately gets up and sets to work creating a murder board especially for her, and he includes what he says to her in the dream, she’s trying to get to “paradise”. Charles does not seem like the type to lean into his mind running away like this, but he’s doing it for her. 

It’s the emotional stakes that are making this season so satisfying, for sure. 

While Charles is doing that, we find out that Oliver is down a social media rabbit hole because he’s worried about his relationship with Loretta and he found a picture of her posted with a mystery dude hugging her so he does what any insane teen would do, and he creates a finsta. Which is hilarious. And even more hilarious because he’s doing his internet stalking on the world’s largest ipad. The back and forth about his brightness setting was absolutely hilarious. 

But social media leads them to a bar Sazz had been at the day she died, and here is where we get to my favorite part. It’s a stunt man bar because that’s totally a thing, and who do they stumble upon while trying and failing to get any information? Ben Glenroy’s stunt double!!!!!!

AKA, Paul Rudd with a weird Irish accent and a missing tooth. Fucking amazing. What an incredible way to utilize him. I just can’t. His attempts at impressing them with his stunt double moves is so ridiculously silly. What a charming little weirdo. 

Turns out Sazz was there to see a chiropractor because she was in consistent pain from all her years as Charles’ double, she’d told the doctor that she was retiring because of a relationship she was in - she said she was tired of giving more than she got, but she didn’t know how to get away. Obviously, Charles thinks she was talking about him but could that be a red herring, y’all? 

Charles’s guilt drives him to ‘tap in’, and he volunteers to lay in state for Sazz’s funeral at the stunt man bar because they said “no body, no funeral”, and it’s really sweet. He gets pelted with breakaway bottles and the entire affair devolves into a brawl because Ben Glenroy’s double somehow ended up with a real bottle and while Charles is passed out from the blow, he remembers that that Sazz had a life dream to open a trampoline park for kids so she could teach them how to fall. 

Oh, and Mabel discovers that the Westies are probably not a cult, and are just participating in a rent-control scheme - Professor Dudenoff had rented all of the apartments on the floor, and he lets them sublet from them because they are just straight up weirdos. He sends them ham and they pay him $200 a month (???! holy shit), and they tell Mabel all of this because they’re gonna cut her in, as long as she keeps it out of the podcast - she’s the right kind of weirdo for them, apparently. 

So I guess that makes sense, but there’s got to be other shit going on, right? There has to be. And clearly there is, because when the gang heads out to the site of Sazz’s never-built trampoline park, they stumble upon the producer of their movie, who immediately proceeds to point a GUN at them. What the eff? 

Here’s my thing about shows like this: I never really want to try and figure out what’s going on. The ride is the best part. And so far, OMITB is delivering like only it can. What a gift.

[what-gs-watching]

“Do I wanna break into a dead guy’s apartment and go through all his shit? Sounds like an afternoon.”

Okay so I obviously needed a real good palate cleanser after I watched Barry and subsequently melted down a little bit, and there was an obvious choice because Y’AAAAAAALL

ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING IS BACK!

I’m fucking crazy for this show. Steve Martin??! Martin Short???!!! being amazing old guy best friends with Selena Gomez to temper their ridiculousness and bring that fantastic sass? 

It’s one of those rare, perfect shows. Everything about this show is absolutely on point. It’s funny. It’s smart. It’s emotional. And ridiculous. And gorgeously stylized. I’ve been on this wagon since day one and it’s truly wonderful.

Wherein, three tenants of an upscale apartment building in New York City, The Arconia,  start a podcast after someone dies in said building, and they’re convinced it was murder. 

Since season 4 is starting, it’s the perfect time for a rewatch, gang. And it’s my first one! That’s always a fun experience, getting into something you know you enjoyed for a second time. It’s not quite familiar yet, it can still surprise you because you remember the shape of it but not necessarily all of the details. It was extremely satisfying. 

I’m trying to decide which has been my favorite season so far, let’s talk it out.

Season 1: Victim, Tim Kono

A lot of shows struggle in the first season but dang this one is so strong. Charles (Steve Martin) is a mostly washed up tv star from the 90’s, Oliver (Martin Short) is an eccentric Broadway director who got blackballed after his disastrous last production, and Mabel (Selena Gomez) is in her late 20’s, squatting in her aunt’s posh Manhattan apartment and not doing much else. 

At the start, the fire alarm in the building goes off and all three head to a nearby restaurant and run into each other. They bond over a podcast about a missing girl’s murder in Oklahoma, produced by the podcast queen Cinda Canning (Tina, effing, FEY!!!!!!). Cinda is an amazing addition to this show, I love Tina Fey in absolutely everything but she is so great here.

Anyway, then they find out a tenant in the building apparently shot himself, but they’d been in the elevator with him not long before and none of them were buying the story, so what else was there to do than start a podcast and investigate? It’s a ridiculous premise honestly, but it works so fucking well. 

In my mind, Mabel is the focus of that season, it turns out she has a connection to Tim Kono, the victim, and the story winds out of control which I love, but they do a really good job of balancing between the three of them. Charles’ storyline ends up being insane and I enjoy Oliver’s snark and pluck and his confidence. 

And I obviously love the bromance that blooms between Charles and Oliver, it’s so sweet. Like their real friendship bleeds through. 

Another highlight of season 1 is Charles’s stunt double from Brazzos, played by Jane Lynch. The way they make the two of them really look like each other is funny as hell and Oliver’s reaction to meeting Sazz is classic - believing it’s Charles he asks what work he’s had done. It’s hilariously uncanny.

I won’t go into too many specifics, it’s too good to spoil, but I think I can say now that the killer in season one is my favorite. Didn’t really care about the victim but ooh, I DID NOT see that one coming. 

Season 2: Victim, Bunny Folger

So after they solve their first murder, the trio celebrates and everything is awesome, but Mabel goes back to her apartment for more champagne and guess what! She finds the dead body of Bunny, the head of the board for the Arconia, who they’d spent season 1 not getting along with - Bunny had even tried to evict them.

Surprise, surprise, the three of them immediately get arrested since Mabel was found basically standing, covered in blood, over the body.  #bloodymabel

It’s fun that they spend the season trying to clear their names, I liked that aspect of it. Of course they had to come under suspicion at some point, how many murders can realistically occur in an Upper West Side building before it gets weird and you have to look at the people who’ve suddenly gained notoriety because of it? 

This season for me was all about Charles, his backstory with his not-really-a-step-daughter and his dad. I guess it’s really about family overall, with Oliver’s own family drama bubbling up. I loved that they did an entire bit about Oliver always knowing when someone is lying - the scenes of him orchestrating rounds of the Son of Sam game are fantastic - but then of course he gets a big ol’ shock when a devastating secret is revealed. 

I wasn’t a huge fan of Mabel’s storyline with the random british artist that popped up out of nowhere, she was kind of a twit, but you do you girl. I’m with it. 

The killer reveal in season 2 is definitely my favorite - along with the joke about them throwing a “killer reveal party” - WAS it a party to reveal the killer, or a party that was going to be killer in nature??! Definitely the most satisfying reveal so far. 

Season 3: Victim, Ben Glenroy

So after they solve a few murders back to back, the three of them suddenly have some good press and their lives start to turn around. Oliver gets a call to direct a new play actually ON Broadway this time, even though his last production had been a literal disaster - mermen jumping from the rafters into what should have been a pool, but was definitely just a hard stage floor, instead. L O L at the retelling he does of that tragedy during season 1. 

Mabel of course is still a muddling millennial but she’s at least finally finished renovating her aunt’s apartment, and Charles’s return to his rebooted show, Brazzos, is on hiatus. SIDE NOTE, I love all of the Brazzos flashbacks, they’re so ridiculous and yet absolutely 100% what a crime drama in the 90’s was like. 

Anyway, Charles joins Oliver’s show, which is starring Ben Glenroy (played by PAUL RUDD who I absolutely love), a famous actor who’s known for his superhero franchise, CoBro - which is about a bro who turns into a literal COBRA and fights crime. 

One of the best parts of this season is the mentions of Ben’s starring roles. Mabel loves him from a show called “Girl Cop” and there’s an adorable moment where she does the handshake from the show with him (kind of). I want to be able to watch all of the invented content, it sounds so incredible.

BUT, of course, on the opening night of Oliver’s play, Ben ends up dead. He is by FAR my favorite victim. He seems like a dick and he definitely is but as they investigate you see a different side of him as well and I will always and forever love Paul Rudd. Bringing him on was a fantastic decision.

Did I mention that MERYL fucking STREEP is in the musical as well?? And her character is wonderful. When Oliver decides to turn the show into a musical after Ben’s death, she gets the best song of the entire thing and the first time she performs it is so poignant. I choked up a little bit the first time, and again the second time. 

Also, this season has my favorite episode of the series - Charles is trying to learn a ‘patter song’ for the musical and the first time he performs it in front of the cast, he devolves into a string of hilarious curses and he blacks out and ends up in a white room, surrounded with soothing music and he’s happy and dancing and everything is great. Until they cut back to reality and his pants are down and the stage he’s on is a mess and everyone is fucking MORTIFIED. When he asks what happened, Oliver screams “TOO SOON!!!” while Mabel is shouting, “Not ready!”

It’s absurd and absolutely fucking hilarious. He goes to the ‘white room’ a few more times in that episode and I can’t help but die everytime. I don’t know why I find it so hilarious but the sequences are perfect. You never know what happened and neither does Charles and I love it. 

I think I’ve decided this is my favorite season, even if the killer is kind of obvious. There was so much going on with the musical that the usually elaborate story of getting to the murderer is kind of muted, but it’s still so. good. 

And so, season 3 wraps up nicely, but we find out that Sazz has basically been executed in Charles’s apartment while they celebrate. Uh oh.

Which leads me to the start of Season 4. I’m SO excited. One of the best parts of this show is the cameos, and I am losing my mind over the addition of Zach Galifianakis. I’ve been in love with his insane face since his comedy special “Live at the Purple Onion” was on Netflix. I’m talking like, 2008, people. I saw him perform at some random festival before The Hangover ever came out. For a long time “Purple Onion” was my comfort watch, before ‘comfort watch’ was really a thing. 

He’s going to be incredible, and I can’t wait. I’m sure Eugene Levy and Eva Longoria will be good too but whatever, it’s gonna be all about Zatch Gaspifinasky for me. 

I’m not a huge fan of streaming shows releasing one episode a week, but I’ll endure it happily for Only Murders In The Building. Not many shows lately have been as solid, consistent, and FUN to watch as this one. 

Who killed Sazz Pataki, y’all?! I can’t wait to find out…

[what-gs-watching]

“Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done.”

So I’m settling into this job and being a person again and I’m trying to pull myself slowly out of my comfort watch hole. My brain is starting to handle things again. 

And apparently I thought it was a good idea to finally finish Barry. Because I’m an absolute fucking idiot. Like, girl, why would you jump into the deep end like this?!

It’s because I love Bill Hader, of course. And because I’d watched the first two seasons awhile ago and was totally enthralled with NoHo Hank and I thought it was kind of fun and it fed my murder bloodlust but holy SHIT you guys.

Wherein, an ex-Marine gets talked into becoming an assassin and that’s fine for a while but then he decides maybe he wants to be an actor and become an actual person instead of just a killing machine. And it gets fucking horrible. 

Like, I’m really trying to figure out why seasons one and two I was kind of okay with, but I just finished the whole thing and jesus fuck, what the fuck? Ripping my heart out of my chest, goddamn.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH. 

I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure my brain actually is ready to process all of this. Y’all are forcing me to think about what we’re all capable of as humans, and I kind of hate that. We’re not inherently evil, we’re not inherently good. We do fucked up shit but we can also love and be great friends and be kind but we’re also selfish as hell and scared all the time and honestly we just need positive reinforcement and fucking support and when we don’t get it, horrible things happen.

Barry becomes a killer because the guy who was basically an uncle to him, Fuches,  saw that he was good at it and figured out they could make some money and he used him and convinced him it would give him a purpose but then he meets Gene Cousineau (and oh my GOD Henry freakin’ Winkler in this, wowwwwww he’s incredible) an acting teacher running a ragtag class, that gives him a bit of encouragement, and it occurs to him that maybe he can be something else. So he tries. 

But he’s also still a fucking assassin and his old life and his new life gets intertwined and a lot of it is absolutely ridiculous. We see Chechen gangsters bumbling their way through trying to get a foothold in LA and that’s how we meet NoHo Hank, who I’ve decided is actually the star of the show, for me. He’s chill, he’s kind, he’s trying to bring some class to being a thug, and he takes an instant liking to Barry. He truly wants to be friends, while utilizing Barry’s specific set of skills. It's cute.

I’m not going to outline the entire plot because there is a ton going on, but after digesting some of this I have to say that Sally Reed, Barry’s love interest, is my least favorite character. She’s a great actress, and she’s fake as hell, but she’s also trying to be weirdly virtuous like she’s truly an artist and not out for the fame of it. But she absolutely is. And when she finds out what Barry is she’s so disgusted, but baby girl, you don’t really have a leg to stand on. What she does while they’re in hiding? I can’t. 

And really, she and everyone else does end up getting their comeuppance. Over and over again we see people making the worst decisions they can because of their selfishness, their drive to be something they’re not, reaching for something maybe they shouldn’t. Crazy fucking rivalries that end in insane amounts of murder for no reason other than feeling slighted or proving themselves. 

Cousineau is a dick as well, but he doesn’t necessarily deserve what happens to him. He had tried to change, but he was weak. And we all are. We are all all of these characters in one way or another, and it’s the fucking choices we make that damn us. Which is gross and true and frustrating and horrible and hard to accept. Most of the time, it’s hard to directly look at this show head on. Why did I do this, again? 

But then there’s real moments of levity and humanity. The relationship Hank ends up forming with Cristobal, the head of the Bolivian syndicate - it’s pure and it’s sweet (and eventually, absolutely fucking devastating - Hank’s last scene, good lord). The few moments where you can see Fuches does care about Barry as more than just an asset. The scene where Hank and Cristobal pitch an alliance between two rival gangs in a Dave & Buster’s of all places, seeing the guys they’ve come together to pitch clutching stuffed animals and prizes they won. Barry and Sally’s early relationship and their excitement at putting on a production together. 

Basically, this show ends up saying a lot and I hate most of it, but it’s all something that people should probably hear. This was NOT the show to get back into new content with, that’s absolutely clear, I 100% need a palette cleanser, but it’ll stay with me for a good long time. 

Do you want to feel ways about a lot of things all at once and find yourself screaming at the TV for a few weeks? Barry’s gotchu. You’ve been warned.

[what-gs-watching]

“Speaking of not being able to move. I too have had trouble moving. Lately. Past the poverty line.”

Maybe I’m predictable but I’m still settling into this new job and it’s hard to focus on other new things when everything during my day is new so the other night I decided to restart Superstore. 

Which is another one of my ‘this show deserves more love’ shows. Maybe one of the last sitcoms I picked up from NBC before I went full on feral for streaming services. It’s charming and stupid and I’m weirdly a sucker for the guy who plays Jonah.

Wherein, we follow the lives of associates of Cloud 9, a big box store, while they deal with working in retail and all of the absolute ridiculousness that goes along with that (COVID, included). 

Amy (America Ferrara, who is perfectly utilized here honestly) is a 30-something shift manager at the store with a daughter she had at 19 and a lazy husband. She’s obviously disillusioned with her monotonous life until Jonah (Ben Feldman, who I JUST realized I recognized from ‘Drop Dead Diva’ like whoooa) shows up, a dude who washed out of business school and is annoyingly pretentious but also adorably fun. Hijinks ensue. 

I really do love the entire supporting cast of this show. Dina is the psychotic assistant manager who owns a ton of birds, is brutally honest and kind of a bully but ends up being a really good friend. Cheyenne starts out as a ditzy pregnant teen mom but her storyline with her ridiculous wanna-be gangster boyfriend turned husband with a mustache is hilarious and weirdly endearing. And her friendship with Mateo (who is fussy, snarky, undocumented, and has a terrible romance with district manager, Jeff) is life goals. 

Y’all know I’m all about the relationships in shows, and I do enjoy the Amy/Jonah slowburn because, like, obvi any slowburn is always gonna get me, but the friendships are really just chef’s kiss. Garrett, the chill dude who does the in-store announcements, loves videos games and doesn’t generally give a fuck, ends up as Jonah’s reluctant best friend. Dina ends up finding the perfect frenemy in Sandra, who is everyone’s punching bag but also creepily FIERCE at times. I also love Cheyenne and Garrett - there’s an episode where the store has amnesty to admit roles they’ve broken and neither one of them have so they dig into the employee handbook to find one, but end up focusing on ‘no hats’ even though Garrett insists “we’re not hatting this!”

The dynamics are perfect. 

Basically, I feel this show deeply in my heart. I worked retail for years, it was my first job in high school and I worked at a Burlington Coat Factory entirely through college. The appeal of the show is that they’re a bunch of random ass people that bond over the fact that the store is terrible and minimum wage jobs are demeaning but they make it fun and I’ve totally lived that.

I had two work moms. And I met one of my absolute best friends there. We had adventures following shoplifters,  dancing at the registers singing made up songs, throwing parties for holidays, waking up too fucking early to work black friday shifts or doing inventory.  We bitched about unfair corporate policies and I saw a few of my friends have babies and have to scramble on how to support themselves. I saw all of the hidden talents my coworkers had and the dreams they wanted to achieve. We suffered through customers treating us like shit, and we lifted each other up. 

Working retail is a brutal undertaking but it can also be an oddly beautiful tapestry and that’s what I love about Superstore. 

I also appreciate that they talk about the real shit. There’s a walkout/strike after Glenn, the high-pitched, god-fearing, somewhat buffoon of a store manager gets fired for sneakily trying to give Cheyenne paid leave after she gives birth in the store. The associates band together eventually to try and unionize. There’s a bit about Amy asking for a raise, which results in the whole store sitting through a lecture on proper “budgeting” which includes a section about how “Uncle Sam has your food, now go get it!” At one point, there’s an ICE sweep in retaliation to unionization whispers. They follow Amy’s struggles in trying to climb the ladder and make something of herself. It’s real but also exaggerated, and sad and funny. 

It’s absolutely a snapshot in time and it lets me romanticize a period of my life that I spent desperately trying to escape. You know that dream people have about sitting for an exam in a class they didn’t know they were taking? I never have that dream. I have a dream where I show up to Burlington as I am now, a thirty-something with a ‘career’, and I know I haven’t worked there in years, but I’m panicked because I can’t figure out what my schedule is and everyone is annoyed I haven’t been coming in for my shifts. 

Working a job like that shapes you and stays with you. I managed to escape, I’m the asshole who just spent nine months on the couch pouting about my cushy job being taken away and doing nothing other than trying to force myself into another one, but maybe that’s okay because I lived that retail struggle for a good bit. I understand it, and I am never one of those asshole customers. 

All that to say, Superstore depicts that struggle flawlessly. And it makes me miss that unique camaraderie that you’ll never truly get working a tech job. It honestly cannot be duplicated. And if you’ve never experienced it for yourself, at least you can through the absolute ridiculousness that is the gang at Cloud 9.