whatcannotbesaid-shallbewept

[whatcannotbesaid-shallbewept]

inspired by this post (i'll probably change my mind on half of these placements in five minutes)

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Light saying hes bored is often a throwaway line when compared to his pursuit of justice but I can’t help but feel like it seeds all of his actions.

he's bored. He stares out the window in class and yet gets perfect scores. He played tennis for years then quit after winning consecutive titles. He throws himself head over heels for a goal that keeps his mind busy 24/7 until suddenly hes in a cafe with misa with those same dead eyes that stared out of the window and realises he’s bored again without L. He accepts L’s challenge with a fervour we rarely see again and he drowns himself in challenges and tests and games and searching searching playing and for the first time in years feels something real and when he plays tennis again this time he works until he sweats and tells L that he hasn’t had to try this hard in years and I don’t think he just meant tennis. And when L tells him it’ll be lonely he doesn’t believe it because he’s convinced himself the satiation of his boredom came from saving the world but it didn’t, it never did, it came from having an immovable object to counter his unstoppable force and having to push back against a world that seemed to always let him walk through.

he’s bored and he’s lonely and nothing he’s done has lasted long enough to change that because it’s in his nature to perfect and tweak until there aren’t any flaws left to notice. It’s how he acts, his mask.

he wants to struggle because he wants to feel alive because he wants to amount to something and maybe when he’s something he won’t be bored.

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hiii <3 9, 26, 41 for movie asks!!

9 - guilty pleasure

Probably the trashy 80s anime movies that have awesome animation. I guess I'll assign this ask to Demon City Shinjuku

26 - movie that made you think most about your life

Definitely forgetting something, for now I'll just say Brief Encounter

41 - three movies you think are classics

Princess Mononoke, Sound of Music and... Clueless. Yeah.

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"To being an us for once, instead of a them." - Jonathan Larson

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everything rots

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appreciation of death note's official art: gothic influence, biblical / religious imagery, intricate backgrounds, abstract but thoughtful compositions, influence of vkei, gothic lolita and other alternative fashions, dramatic - reminds me of classical baroque paintings, death imagery (obviously).

for a story centered around abstract mental battles, it was remarkable how the artist anchored it in a tangible, recognizable aesthetic, giving it a sense of materiality

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Death Note is about the extremes of exhilaration and despair. It's about addiction. It's about the deep fear of being a bad person, of not being what you're supposed to be. It's about how attempts to escape petty boredom will be masked as justice. It's about the masks we wear and the roles we play, and that they don't mean anything, but we still can't give them up. It's about how pointless tragedies are. It's about trying to escape human limitations at any cost, but never managing to. Because despite it all you're still afraid of death, you still love, and you were always going to lose eventually. It's about how you will sacrifice every part of yourself in service of a goal that doesn't benefit you at all. For no good reason.

Death Note is about being seen by someone else for the first time ever, and physically recoiling, because the lies you tell yourself have to be true, and if you don't cling to your own flaws what else will you have left? It's about how, to humans, the idea of admitting you're wrong - about yourself or the world - feels like a threat worse than a death. Whether it's about your sham relationship, your fake ideology, or the suspect that's been cleared already.

You could've just let it go. You should've just let it go. But, you didn't. Well, you're only human. What else were you going to do? By the way, none of it meant anything. There's no heaven or hell waiting for you. Yeah, you couldn't live without your self appointed meanings, but all it got you was an early death. Was it worth it?

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Never becoming a fan or liking anything else ever again, the humiliation is just too much

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Being a fan of Doctor who is something the universe has only ever punished me for

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love going on pinterest and looking at joan baez images 💃

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pretty guardian sailor moon (toei animation, 1992)

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Something something about how Naomi Misora is so ready to sacrifice her life and seems so threatened to obey by the role of the "good woman" she's supposed to be and the inherent self loathing inherent in that

Also something something about how Beyond Birthday is so ready to sacrifice his own life (to the point of suicide) because he's so threatened by the "L successor" he's supposed to be and the inherent self loathing in that

And SOMETHING about how Beyond and Naomi validate the real versions of each other and have no idea about that pressure.

Beyond only sees Naomi as a super intelligent FBI agent, Naomi only ever sees Beyond as a separate entity from L

But both of their endings are about how they've fallen in love with the roles that are making them suffer, and they'd very much rather to sacrifice everything in the name of that. That's the only life they can imagine for themselves. Because of the self loathing.

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This is true when you think about it

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daily affirmations

I know why i am like this and i will never do anything about it

Psychologists could never help meee

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adults who have not grown exhausted of this kind of youtube videoslop have not been ensouled