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I'm the only one where I live who keeps masking because of covid. Went to a wedding recently and people went to me and asked if I was sick. Like.. a lot of places where I go I get asked if I'm sick. I feel not that great when people stare at me or fake caugh when they go near me. Like I feel alienated by masking. I day dream one day I can go maskless again, but I don't want to do it because of social pressure but when it's safe again.

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a lot of people scoff at transmascs for not wanting to be friends with people who say stuff like "kill all men" and "i hate men" but what i think a lot of people dont seem to grasp is that when you're transmasc, and one if your friends says something like that, it leaves two possibilities:

a) your friend doesnt see you as a man (which is just straight up transphobia)

or

b) your friend hates you. and idk about you, but i generally require all of my friends to like me. thats kind of just, a baseline requirement for friendship, i think.

but moreover specifically they hate you for being a man. and i think what a lot of people have trouble wrapping their brains around is the fact that, when you're a trans man, and someone says they hate you specifically for being a man, what theyre saying is that they hate you for transitioning. they're saying they would like you better if you hadn't transitioned. they'd like you better if you were cis. which yes, is also transphobia. but also for many of us, (not all, but many) there is no universe in which we would have survived not transitioning.

in my case, i had pretty frequent suicidal thoughts all throughout my life, up until i transitioned. once i reached a certain point in my transition, my suicidal thoughts disappeared. i never had another suicidal thought except when i was put in a situation where i was being denied transitional care. so if i had never transitioned, i would be suicidal if not dead. so when someone says they hate me for being a man, what i hear is "i would like you better if you were dead (or barring that, suicidal)"

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transandrophobia is real

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I like that I am going for therapy for my dysphoria, but I hate that I have to pay around 100$ to travel to the place every month 😔

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I wished that we had a word for when you don't know what gender you have yet. I typically say ''gender questioning'', but that is two words lol.

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this months win, I have started my journey for gender affirming care and am actually excited. I feel like my counsellor is really gonna help me forward. I don't know how my end destination is gonna look like, but after being there I felt a littl hope. ( and also feeling imposter syndrome, but I can imagine a lot of people do when it comes to recieve any type of care tbh. )

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right a week or so ago i saw a post re: trans masculinity about how it's silly to say the queer community doesn't devalue men cos gay men are often the centre of attention and the main 'representation' of the community, and i hear that, acknowledge it, whatever

but you acknowledge that's a specific type of gay man, right? usually skinny, white, a 'twink', if you will - effeminate if not outright femmy, heavily embellished in drag culture and 'the scene'. rarely (and mostly online, maybe different outside the UK) does it include black men too though they are usually also skinny and 'twinks' (and obviously in different countries this will also centre/include different races. don't be obtuse with me here. they're still usually skinny and ablebodied still).

meanwhile bears are viewed as a rarity, 'actually they're so masculine but they're very nice!' which is backhanded lol; whenever a 'masculine' looking [straight] man is a little bit effeminate they get assumed to be gay, but masculine looking masculine acting men don't get this assumption; masculine presenting and acting trans men (and neither are trans women or nonbinary people who fit this bill) aren't included in so-called 'safe spaces' for cis women, trans people, nonbinary people; any masculine looking guy in a gay space is assumed to be a threat first; every masculine gay guy i know feels a little bit annoyed/irritated that they have to fem themselves up to fit in to the point they reject calling themselves 'gay' and opt for 'queer' cos they aren't effeminate

like, yeah, sure, men are the face of the queer community when they're effeminate, usually white, ablebodied, perisex, and skinny but not when they're masculine, fat, disabled, intersex or of colour. anti-masculinity is fucking rife in the queer community at large, the only places i really see it openly accepted and celebrated IRL and online is in kink and fetish spaces (where they're also presumed to be tops, dominating, aggressors until they prove otherwise - usually by making themselves act more effeminate as mentioned previously - and then society at large considers these types of men predators and pedophiles etc for daring to express their kinks in spaces made for them in a safe-for-work manner)

then older men are better at accepting masculine men, also, but the queer community especially online doesn't acknowledge older people ever. so

no, actually, i do think the queer community has a problem with men, but more specifically masculinity (which isn't limited to men of course). so the moment trans men dare to dip their toes into masculinity, embrace body hair, beards, embrace 'men' mannerisms, to take up space, to be loud, to have masculine-associated hobbies, they're not considered trans anymore. and you barely like trans men when they're more feminine, anyway.

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can u see me? just checking,,

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happy tdov to people who don't pass or have no interest in passing, who can't pass because there is no culturally recognised category for the way they want to be recognised, who flip flop and fuck around, who can't hide their transness and have to plan their everyday around being visible, who can't signal their transness and have to come out over and over because the default presumption is intolerable, who don't have the resources yet or the knowhow or the willpower to change what they want to change, whose transness is warped by a hegemonic image of ideal transness that is almost as difficult to escape as the hegemonic image of cisness, who don't have a justification prepared for the assertion that they are trans but can no longer justify the assertion that they are not, who have a million justifications that are all surplus to the fundamental requirement (that society mandated one articulation of you and you chose another), et cetera and so forth across the world and universe forever. your version is right. don't concede.

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Believing in "sexed brains" means you are a transmedicalist btw

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the way how you losers use second hand dysphoria as an excuse to genuinely be nasty over other trans people and their autonomy is disgusting and it's something you gotta suck up and learn to not do. you cannot act like everything and everyone should accommodate your comfortability because that's a slippery slope into reactionary thinking and also I'm sure other people don't like being told their bodies make you feel bad. grow up.

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treat black queers kindly and love us. that's all.

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Can I just say I have literally NEVER seen an actual intersex transfem who was AFAB put "AFAB trans woman" / an intersex transmasc who was AMAB put "AMAB trans man" in their bio?

This whole fucking discourse (in refrence to intersex trans people, not the stupid TERF dogwhistle) is literally just perisex people demanding to know intersex people's AGAB and forcing perinormative sex binarist expectations on them based on that. This is intersexist by itself, but the kicker for me is that this is being done specifically for the purpose of excluding intersex trans people from a community they have a legitimate connection to.

Anyway, why don't we go back to the time when asking what a trans person's AGAB was would get you decked. You don't need to tell anyone your AGAB. Especially you, intersex people. Perisex people are not entitled to your medical history, especially when they intend to use it against you.

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Dear tramsmasc community I love you but dear god please learn about TERF dogwhistles targeting transfems, so many of you are severely underinformed.

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Big reminder that omitting the space from trans men / trans woman is a TERF dogwhistle meant to other binary trans people and denote them as something other than a man or a woman. It is wording explicitly used by & originated from TERFs. If you see "tramsman" or "transwoman", ask OP why they wrote it like that.

Trans, in this context, is short for transgender which is an adjective, a descriptor- Do not use trans as a prefix and attach it to a person's gender identity, that changes it into a different word entirely. You're telling that trans woman you don't think she's a woman, you think she's a transwoman - something different from a woman. You're telling that trans man you don't think he's a man, you think he's a transman - something different from a man. You know. The same shit bigots say when they aren't allowed to blatantly misgender trans people.

If you have been writing it that way because of a simple grammar misunderstanding, maybe, fucking stop?

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I am scared as hell to know that I will be able to get my hands on T soon, because of how stigmatized trans people are in general. Like will I be able to go to the bathroom ever? Will transitioning only give me bunch of problems and will I ever feel safe..?

one time, for a millisecond I thought that my whole body looked different (like more like a man) and that really felt like it was ME. I really REALLY wish that I could bring that moment back. Is it worth all the hate from the world, to get to see myself again, but this time keep it forever?

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So I have been waiting for so long (literally years) to get a chance to get testostorone, and my appointment for T was suppose to be in september this year, but today I got contacted by them telling me that they have time already in april! which is wild because I was NOT prepared for it and a part on me is so scared and another part of me is so excited!! aaaaa