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You never see me at the club cause I’m filming a zombie home movie with my roomates complete with prosthetic gross decaying skin flaps (I tore up a thrash bag and covered it with foundation) I’m having the time of my life as a shambling corpse.

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always baffles me when my exceptional artist mutuals don't get a lot of interaction on their art. here's my dearest mutual, michelangelo. they're doing six notes on tumblr

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So is it normal to be anxious and uncomfortable and full of dread the day before a school day or am I just ill suited to life

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Just posted Chapter 11 “Someone Else’s Viscera” of my luxury dark/life of luxury fic

This time the title is fitting to the amount of gore ( of which there quite a bit of)

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Both cool and overwhelming, the notifications tab was flooded and I could not find anything in there for a while

now that the notes influx from that nerdy prudes fanart has slowed I can begin posting more actively again without worrying about the equilibrium

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Can I just get hypnotized by my music and write the scene the way im picturing it in my head

Can my hands be controlled by the vibes alone and not my stupid brain

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When the “haha love this character what a silly little guy” starts to taste like “I wish I looked like him”

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I want to be a men

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Long vent

TW weight, body shaming? food

I always wear baggy clothing, every time I don’t I’m uncomfortable (bc dysphoria) and it does not help that my mom always starts commenting on my body when I do. She’s saying I’ve lost weight, and I am actually happy that I have bc I like how I look better now, but I still don’t like my awareness being called my body. In general I wish I did not have to deal with one.

“If I had your body, do you know what I’d be wearing? Well, I wouldn’t just cover it up with baggy clothes all the time”

Yes mother. I understand that I am young and relatively thin. If you had my body you would surely choose to do something different with it, but if you had my mind you’d understand.

If you had my sensory issues

If you had my dysphoria and dysmorphia

You’d dress the similar.

We’re not the same fucking gender of course I dress differently.

And then there’s my pickiness with food, extremely sensitive stomach, and occasional inability to eat meat bc of certain anxieties. Every time that I don’t eat that much of a meal she’s here harassing me bc of it.

I get so many comments from her calling me “wafer thin” or saying “give that girl a sandwich” (not a girl) or “just eat something”

I say my stomach is weird and she says “no it’s not” I explain why I can’t eat something and she says “why are you denying yourself it”

I get she has issues with weight and diet and shit, we all do at least to an extent, but my goddamn food intake is my own business. And the more she comments on things the less I want to eat bc I know someone is looking over my shoulder.

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Can't wait to be great one day

Might not be today or tomorrow or years from now

But one day I will be.

One day.

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I love the delusion that my entire body is drenched in grease and covered in ants and rotting from the inside and infested with worms when in reality I’m clean and healthy

It’s so fun

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There are many ways to help someone who experiences anxiety and paranoia

Saying “you attract what you fear” is not one of them

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Atp I’m just going to have to cut this character and reorder the entire book bc no matter how I shift their personality I hate them so fucking much for no reason

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now that the notes influx from that nerdy prudes fanart has slowed I can begin posting more actively again without worrying about the equilibrium

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The interests that people can have are so interesting to me. The fact that I’m being exposed to these mini niche communities through mutuals on tumblr is interesting. The way that I have no interest in these things beforehand, don’t even know they exist in most cases, and then see the intimate up close fandom microcosm and go on not caring about it except in the capacity that someone I know only through the internet cares about it? Fascinating. Like who knew I’d be liking posts about people yearning desperately over the Beatles from real life