whimsickool

[whimsickool]

I think in terms of The Janitor, he is chronically Harry Dubois coded so he purposely broke his Circuit because he kept forgetting what his tardis was disguised as. Like fully imagine the third iteration just shambling around, finally locating it, and just ripping the circuit out.

I really am tempted to write a Doctor Who fanfiction called Janitor What where the main premise is (while being a pretty major plot hole himself) another timelord who was friends with The Doctor and The Master when they were young on Gallifrey. Only, instead of running in fear or being driven completely mad when forced to stare into The Untempered Schism, he is compelled to clean time and is captive to this illusion that time doesn't have to be so wibbly or wobbly at all. He sort of works as the timelord who actually does his job. Only issue is that his two best friends have gone absolutely off their rockers and he spends most of his time cleaning up their messes. In other words, The Janitor is who patches up plotholes. How did Pete Tyler know to catch Rose in Doomsday? The Janitor. What ever happened to The Valeyard? The Janitor. How are there no Reapers before or after Father's Day? You can thank The Janitor because that's his daleks baby. And The Janitor always shows up in this shipping crate that says Fragile on the side and he's got a tool belt of bullshit like an Ultraviolet Spanner, a Gammaray Hammer, or the Sub-o-matic plunger. Of course, the even better gimmick of it all is when he lands and is asked who the hell he is. I mean it is the very last place one expects to have hired a janitor. Which always prompts a mind boggled, "Janitor? What?"

[whimsickool]

Well, it happened. Since my very first read, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as been for all intents and purposes my favorite book of all time. While I understand it is technically 5 books and a short story, just shy of six seasons and a movie, the collection itself I think is better experience than the individual parts. I own it in multiple formats and multiple copies of those formats. Naturally, at some point, I decided it was time to find something similar. So, off I went to nearly every bookstore in my local area to ask for recommendations. Universally, I was recommended Terry Pratchett's Disc World by someone wiser by their years than I who all had read glasses with decorated bead glasses chains. Coincidence? Maybe. But I'm not so sure. So, when discovering that Terry Pratchett's Disco World has a whopping 41 books, I sought elsewhere for recommendations. The local library. Where, to my horror, every librarian was excited to recommend to me (after I explained my predicament and showing my well beaten up copy of Hitchhiker's Guide) a little series known as Terry Pratchett's Disc World. I kindly declined the investment into such a deep franchise as I was already well within the trenches of another British One Piece a.k.a Doctor Who. Over the next several years I kept up my inquiry, and over and over this damn book series kept being the first and ultimately only recommendation anyone had for me. But much to my dismay, a new phenomenon took place. Suddenly, in the middle of conversations, both friends and strangers would pause to recommend me (completely unprompted) a silly lil book series known as Terry Pratchett's Disc World. I would ask if *they* liked Terry Pratchett's Disc World. Their response, consistently was, "Well... I think YOU would enjoy Disc World." At this point I had no choice but to at least google the man. The man was dead. I understood I was being haunted at this point. Which lead me to try horror literature. I picked up a copy of The House of Leaves and upon finishing it, realized, I would appreciate being able to read and sleep within the same 24 hours. I tried rereading the Guide. And I'll admit. As much as I love that book, it was hard to read for now the 27th time. So I decided it was time to get into Terry Pratchett's Disc World. But if I was going to read this 41 book monstrosity, I was going to do it right.

Step 1: discover which of these 41 books is book number 1. To do this, I googled, "what is the first book I should read in Terry Pratchett's Disc World?"

As it turns out, this is more complicated of an idea than it is for most book series. I now was faced with several blogs, videos, websites, and reddit threads on advice for where to begin. The following three books were recommended: Guards! Guards!, Mort, and Color of Magic.

Problem: Guards! Guards! Is book number 8, Mort is book number 4, and Color of Magic is in fact the very first book.

So now, I realize, I'm going to need to do genuine preliminary research before I can even give this damn series a go. Here is what I learned:

Disc World by Sir Terry Pratchett (yes, this man was in fact knighted) is technically multiple stories set within the same setting in which the world is flat, bound by an endless waterfall on the back of four elephants who ride on the shell of an astral turtle who glides through space.

There are 4 primary plot lines:

- The Story of Death

- The Story of Witches

- The Story of Wizards / The Unseen University?

- The Story of City Guard

There are technically stand alone novels, mini story lines with only a few books, and books that can be filed under several different of the available storylines. However, most will fall into these 4 plotlines. What remains unclear to me however is that the books claim to be readable in any order in terms of Disc World, but are the readable in any order in terms of storylines?

Thus, the main four starter books are: Guards! Guards!, Mort, Equal Rites, and Color of Magic.

Step Two: acquire the books.

Now, personally, I try to avoid the use of Amazon. I understand the convenience and setting the Horrors™ aside it ultimately eliminates (for me) half fun of books. Finding them. So, I made my way down to the local library which is even on a walk only a hop, skip, and a jump away. They know me pretty well ever since I moved down here with my partner last year and they were delighted to hear I had finally cracked and would be getting into Sir Terry Pratchett's Disc World. Only, as it turns out, my local librarians are something akin to that of a liberal jigsaw (which I previously thought was a title reserved only for Sam Reich) as I was now a player in their sick and twisted game. You see, they only had one single Sir Terry Pratchett book in that local branch. And it wasn't even related to Disc World. Stunned by this betrayal, I headed to the local Barnes & Noble. Where they were sold out. Then I headed to the slightly further Barnes & Noble where the only ones they had weren't the ones I needed to start with. So then I went to all the local bookstores.

I was trapped in a game of cat and mouse with Sir Terry Pratchett.

Folks. I coulda given up right then and there. But no. I couldn't. I knew too much. I knew the most dangerous library in all the universe was watched over by an orangutan. I knew that death had an affinity for cats. I knew that the sun went under the disc at night. I knew about Om and Carrot and Ank-Morpork. I knew too much with very little context and I needed answers. So I called a bookstore in my home town which is a whopping eight hours away.

And then, I took time off... Called my mother... Convinced my partner to tag along... And drove eight hours north. The books were on reserve. Waiting. My name attached to them. Eight of them: Guards! Guards!, Mort, Equal Rites, Color of Magic, Small Gods, Going Postal, Monstrous Regiment, and Wyrd Sisters.

I shall now summarize my woes on my journey: many.

I broke 2 chargers, my hotel room reservation was lost, I locked myself out of the car, got food poisoning from a Mexican food truck, discovered a few people in my hometown were somehow unaware I had transitioned almost a decade ago, was almost hit by a car on several occasions, stubbed my toe a total of seven times, got sunburnt to the point my partner has changed my name in their phone to My Darling Lobster, lost my feminine wallet in a small Asian market where I had to communicate I lost my wallet with the front desk lady who was confused by my height and voice but when pieced together decided it was her responsibility to tell me how to get a good husband which frankly is allyship but it was ten at night, and perhaps the worst part of it all: I discovered my favorite local restaurant no longer served their fried pickles.

But folks. I have them. I now own eight books of Sir Terry Pratchett's Disc World.

and only on my way home did it hit me. The real lesson in all of this.

I am maybe half way through Guards! Guards! and I fear everyone who recommended that I would enjoy these stupid fucking books... Was right.

[whimsickool]

Listening to The Magnus Protocol like, "Omg that's so fun and by fun of course I do mean awful!"

[whimsickool]

Fight Fascism - Now and Forever 💀🗡️

Most of us don’t have real swords. But we all have something that we can hold in our hands, and make our voice heard with. For me, it’s my art. For you, you could be really good at event organising, or a great public speaker. These can be your swords, these can be your weapons. fight back against fascism, against anyone who will oppress you or your neighbour, against anyone who wants you to be underneath their boot. This only works if we stick together. So sharpen your sword, and stay safe ❤️

[whimsickool]

HAVE YOU WRITTEN JANITOR WHAT YET PLEASE GOD LET IT BE SO

I'm so sorry but I actually haven't! I've been in the middle of a multi-state move to live with my partner! We're in the process of unpacking and then I'll be starting up my vtubing streams! However, it is on the back burner not completely gotten rid of. I've actually been thinking of getting together a group of DW fans to help me keep track of lore and write out Janitor What (might change it to Janitor Why) as any long time Doctor Who fan can tell you: it is a long, old, complicated, franchise with different canons and lost episodes that one person can easily miss out on! That and missing said info may incur the wrath of the British and frankly I like my dentist alive. Jokes aside, it is not dead in the water I actually have made heroforge minis for the 12 iterations of The Janitor so when I'm ready I can seek out (human) artists. Much love! 🧡🩷💛

[whimsickool]

Since this post is making the rounds again I have had several Brits enjoy telling me it's called a caretaker over there. The enormous amount of joy this brings me knowing this was a specific choice just for them 🩷💛🧡

I really am tempted to write a Doctor Who fanfiction called Janitor What where the main premise is (while being a pretty major plot hole himself) another timelord who was friends with The Doctor and The Master when they were young on Gallifrey. Only, instead of running in fear or being driven completely mad when forced to stare into The Untempered Schism, he is compelled to clean time and is captive to this illusion that time doesn't have to be so wibbly or wobbly at all. He sort of works as the timelord who actually does his job. Only issue is that his two best friends have gone absolutely off their rockers and he spends most of his time cleaning up their messes. In other words, The Janitor is who patches up plotholes. How did Pete Tyler know to catch Rose in Doomsday? The Janitor. What ever happened to The Valeyard? The Janitor. How are there no Reapers before or after Father's Day? You can thank The Janitor because that's his daleks baby. And The Janitor always shows up in this shipping crate that says Fragile on the side and he's got a tool belt of bullshit like an Ultraviolet Spanner, a Gammaray Hammer, or the Sub-o-matic plunger. Of course, the even better gimmick of it all is when he lands and is asked who the hell he is. I mean it is the very last place one expects to have hired a janitor. Which always prompts a mind boggled, "Janitor? What?"

[whimsickool]

In a roundabout way, I suppose. We see in the charity special for 14 that it is 14's fault that the plunger was added to Daleks. That said, 14 never would have thought to give them a plunger if it wasn't for previously meeting daleks with a plunger which is technically a paradox. Which the Janitor would need to clean up. However, upon seeing The Janitor plunge, The Daleks ultimately decided to keep the damn thing and get rid of their latest menacing idea: digital watches.

I really am tempted to write a Doctor Who fanfiction called Janitor What where the main premise is (while being a pretty major plot hole himself) another timelord who was friends with The Doctor and The Master when they were young on Gallifrey. Only, instead of running in fear or being driven completely mad when forced to stare into The Untempered Schism, he is compelled to clean time and is captive to this illusion that time doesn't have to be so wibbly or wobbly at all. He sort of works as the timelord who actually does his job. Only issue is that his two best friends have gone absolutely off their rockers and he spends most of his time cleaning up their messes. In other words, The Janitor is who patches up plotholes. How did Pete Tyler know to catch Rose in Doomsday? The Janitor. What ever happened to The Valeyard? The Janitor. How are there no Reapers before or after Father's Day? You can thank The Janitor because that's his daleks baby. And The Janitor always shows up in this shipping crate that says Fragile on the side and he's got a tool belt of bullshit like an Ultraviolet Spanner, a Gammaray Hammer, or the Sub-o-matic plunger. Of course, the even better gimmick of it all is when he lands and is asked who the hell he is. I mean it is the very last place one expects to have hired a janitor. Which always prompts a mind boggled, "Janitor? What?"

[whimsickool]

House of leaves but instead of a minotaur it's some dumbass trying to figure out why the room is frutiger aero

I really am tempted to write a Doctor Who fanfiction called Janitor What where the main premise is (while being a pretty major plot hole himself) another timelord who was friends with The Doctor and The Master when they were young on Gallifrey. Only, instead of running in fear or being driven completely mad when forced to stare into The Untempered Schism, he is compelled to clean time and is captive to this illusion that time doesn't have to be so wibbly or wobbly at all. He sort of works as the timelord who actually does his job. Only issue is that his two best friends have gone absolutely off their rockers and he spends most of his time cleaning up their messes. In other words, The Janitor is who patches up plotholes. How did Pete Tyler know to catch Rose in Doomsday? The Janitor. What ever happened to The Valeyard? The Janitor. How are there no Reapers before or after Father's Day? You can thank The Janitor because that's his daleks baby. And The Janitor always shows up in this shipping crate that says Fragile on the side and he's got a tool belt of bullshit like an Ultraviolet Spanner, a Gammaray Hammer, or the Sub-o-matic plunger. Of course, the even better gimmick of it all is when he lands and is asked who the hell he is. I mean it is the very last place one expects to have hired a janitor. Which always prompts a mind boggled, "Janitor? What?"

[whimsickool]

noticing a pattern

[whimsickool]

Absolutely diabolical marketing for the new Final Destination movie 💀

[whimsickool]

I do find it hilarious that for a “soft reboot” of the show RTD keeps bringing back characters who haven’t been in the show for 40+ years

[whimsickool]

Alex Browning, Final Destination (2000) Kimberly Corman, Final Destination 2 (2003) Wendy Christensen, Final Destination 3 (2006) Nick O'Bannon, The Final Destination (2009) Sam Lawton, Final Destination 5 (2011) Iris Campbell, Final Destination Bloodlines (2025)

[whimsickool]

Since people are seeming to enjoy this, let's clear some things up and add some lore I'm thinking about as a treat:

- The Janitor not The Caretaker because everyone The Doctor and The Master know are from the U.K., this is a covert ops kinda choice. It also works using the same logic as Clark Kent's glasses. It also makes the "Janitor? What?" Gimmick double effective because as every British person will pipe up to tell you: they don't call 'em Janitors there.

- Since they constantly are in the background of things, them and Impossible Girl Clara Oswald likely chit chat, The Janitor updating Clara on what broke on the TARDIS this time and Clara informing The Janitor what silly bullshit he has to fix now. This very much reflects early River Song vibes story telling wise.

- The Janitor is responsible for The Master being able to have regenerated (by my count) 20 times instead of being limited to the standard issue timelord 12.

- The Janitor companions tend to be people they accidentally kidnapped as a running gag (as in there is no "come with me!" moment, it is almost always "wait why are you still here?" kinda deal.) and a robot they built using Roomba parts.

- Their arch nemesis is their ex-spouse who normally is called The Baroness except for that one regeneration that was The Baron.

- During the Time War, The Janitor is responsible for going back in time and adding Bad Wolf to The Moment because they know The Doctor was absolutely gonna push that big red button. This was a last minute safety measure.

- Their TARDIS theme is consistently clashing with their regeneration's whole vibe.

- The Janitor and The Curator get coffee together.

I really am tempted to write a Doctor Who fanfiction called Janitor What where the main premise is (while being a pretty major plot hole himself) another timelord who was friends with The Doctor and The Master when they were young on Gallifrey. Only, instead of running in fear or being driven completely mad when forced to stare into The Untempered Schism, he is compelled to clean time and is captive to this illusion that time doesn't have to be so wibbly or wobbly at all. He sort of works as the timelord who actually does his job. Only issue is that his two best friends have gone absolutely off their rockers and he spends most of his time cleaning up their messes. In other words, The Janitor is who patches up plotholes. How did Pete Tyler know to catch Rose in Doomsday? The Janitor. What ever happened to The Valeyard? The Janitor. How are there no Reapers before or after Father's Day? You can thank The Janitor because that's his daleks baby. And The Janitor always shows up in this shipping crate that says Fragile on the side and he's got a tool belt of bullshit like an Ultraviolet Spanner, a Gammaray Hammer, or the Sub-o-matic plunger. Of course, the even better gimmick of it all is when he lands and is asked who the hell he is. I mean it is the very last place one expects to have hired a janitor. Which always prompts a mind boggled, "Janitor? What?"

[whimsickool]

I really am tempted to write a Doctor Who fanfiction called Janitor What where the main premise is (while being a pretty major plot hole himself) another timelord who was friends with The Doctor and The Master when they were young on Gallifrey. Only, instead of running in fear or being driven completely mad when forced to stare into The Untempered Schism, he is compelled to clean time and is captive to this illusion that time doesn't have to be so wibbly or wobbly at all. He sort of works as the timelord who actually does his job. Only issue is that his two best friends have gone absolutely off their rockers and he spends most of his time cleaning up their messes. In other words, The Janitor is who patches up plotholes. How did Pete Tyler know to catch Rose in Doomsday? The Janitor. What ever happened to The Valeyard? The Janitor. How are there no Reapers before or after Father's Day? You can thank The Janitor because that's his daleks baby. And The Janitor always shows up in this shipping crate that says Fragile on the side and he's got a tool belt of bullshit like an Ultraviolet Spanner, a Gammaray Hammer, or the Sub-o-matic plunger. Of course, the even better gimmick of it all is when he lands and is asked who the hell he is. I mean it is the very last place one expects to have hired a janitor. Which always prompts a mind boggled, "Janitor? What?"

[whimsickool]

Just finished The Magnus Archives podcast for the very first time and I would like to now share exactly how I picture Jon "The Archivist" Sims throughout each season.

Season 1:

Season 2:

Season 3:

Season 4:

Season 5:

[whimsickool]

i think i could tear a human apart with just my teeth. like if i tried. if i was really mad

[whimsickool]

RATING THE ENTITIES ON HOW FUN THEY'D BE AT MONOPOLY:

1.  The Flesh - 1/10, wont stop trying to use severed body parts as its player token, houses, and hotels. This would be fine if they werent so fresh and thus staining the board. Brought meatloaf and refused to specify what meat was actually involved. We agreed to order pizza instead.

2. The Desolation - 4/10, is a sore loser and barely wants to play as intended. It mostly keeps trying to flip the damn board and when finally realizing its temper tantrum won't work, they just give all their assets to one player to tilt the game unfavorably like a dick.

3. The Lonely - 5/10, didn't show up on time, didn't play, and mostly sat on the couch for all of game night watching reruns of Golden Girls. This is due to the lonely feeling one gets when realizing you'll never have friends like The Golden Girls. They still get a point for watching though.

4. The Dark - 2/10, at first they just kept flipping off the lights which made it hard to play but when The Desolation suggested candles (the only helpful thing they did all evening) The Dark responded by leaking dark water all over which got the money and chance/community cards wet.

5. The Spiral - 6/10, just enjoyed going around and around and around on the board, sorta played? Mostly lied about how much money they had or owed or what chance/community card they pulled. This was because, "math is for losers." Thus, they did whatever they could to quickly get back to going around and around the board.

6. The Vast - 4/10, played the game, didnt perform any antics, but they kept pointing out their vast amount of wealth  after getting hotels on the first row. Points lost for being a prick.  I will say, from time to time, I would get the over whelming feeling that I was falling. This wasn't a large issue until it happened to The Spiral and suddenly no one can seem to find the bathroom in petty revenge.

7. The Slaughter - 0/10, killed the pizza man. This provided two major headaches: a deadbody to deal with and the pizza being ruined from being dropped. Luckily, The Flesh found use for the dead body. As for dinner, we resorted to just munching on the snacks. Also, its really uncomfortable being threatened whenever they happen to land on your property and owe you rent.

8. The Corruption - 3/10, always brings rotten snacks covered in mold. Uses live bugs for pieces which aside from being gross is just not effective cause they dont stay still. How can I recall that their property has three houses when the peices are crawling on my wall? I also just think it is common courtesy to shower before coming over to game night.

9. The Hunt - 8/10, overly competitive but focused on the game and largely helped wrangle the others. Did keep making references to Wolf of Wall Street though which got old quick. It is worth mentioning that they also talked alot about their various hunting trips and buddies which was fine at first until they started describing a recent hunt that I think may have been my coworker who went missing last week.

10. The Eye - 2/10, cheater. Fucking. Cheater. I didn't even know you could cheat that many ways in Monopoly. Also they brought the lead pipe from a Cluedo board as their game piece and kept giggling when I asked why. Further, it is rude to pressure a trade deal by use of blackmailing. Had a lengthy argument about how technically you dont have to draw from the top of the Chance and Community Chest pile

11. The Buried - 8/10, dirt everywhere and I can't be certain but I think they made my chairs smaller? Maybe it was the table? I felt far too close to everyone. I will say they did mostly play the game but you will feel buried beneath your debt after landing on their property which... now that i think about it.. why was their rent so high? That can't be right..

12. The Web - 7/10, much like insects spiders are NOT a suitable game piece. Didn't technically cheat but managed to get ridiculous trade deals from everyone, especially The Spiral. The Desolation gave all their assests to The Eye to screw over The Web but.. to be honest the game is still going and I.. is it possible to have a stalemate in monopoly?

13. The End - 9/10, played the game but kept saying we should up the stakes by having losers die. I explained that this was the sort of game where if it goes on long enough, death is actually the preferred alternative. They understood and got really quiet for awhile. I think they are to blame for why I'm up past my bedtime. I'm growing afraid they'll all still be playing by next week.

14. The Stranger - 6/10, tried to pretend they were my mom. I know they arent my mom. So they taunted me bu saying they were my dad. This was effective as I don't know my dad. Asshole move. Also, would not stop commenting how dry my skin looked. Other than that, yeah actually played the game!

15. The Extinction - 0/10, when it was finally time for everyone to leave we all learned why Extinction had not shown up. Bad news, the outside world has been nuked. The good news is that I don't think I have to pay rent anymore. Or go to work. Oh god. What do I do about groceries?