whiskeyapologist

[whiskeyapologist]

jack zimmermann is shroedinger’s bisexual in that we’re never actually going to see him address his sexuality in any meaningful way but his creator gets accolades for writing a bisexual character anyway

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jack zimmermann x justin bieber, 2025

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and just when you think you’re at your absolute lowest a blonde motherfucker comes along and makes everything so much worse

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(x)

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This remains the funniest thing I’ve ever texted

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love after a team is out of the post season/wheb the poast season ends and theres just this rollout of brand new injuries u have never even heard of . i didmt even know that could happen ... why are u running and jumpinf and the like with fifteen ruptured organs and two misplaced bones and a muscle twisted like the noble licorice . sitting downe would be nice

[whiskeyapologist]

Holster thinks he’s soooo special and soooo unique for liking all these niche shows and is ranting to Ransy & Shitty & Lardo & Bitty about Grace and Frankie and how good it is and the nuances of being a 70 year old woman finding love after divorce and how they’re soooo totally in love with each other and he’s ramping up to his point — how TV can reach across age groups and bring people together and that’s why it’s wonderful — and Jack comes into the kitchen, grabs some protein powder, and says “Grace and Frankie? Funny show.” before wandering off

[whiskeyapologist]

omgcp big time rush au

[whiskeyapologist]

I don't think it truly hit me when I first read "Check, Please!" (many years ago now) that Jack's mom is an actress/model and Jack's dad was a superstar hockey player in the 70s, 80s, and 90s(?). Now, looking at that, I'm like, "Oh, they could have totally been doing coke off of each other's naked bodies or something in their youth. Easy."

Do I think they are/were addicts? Not really. Do I think that they brought any of that party around young Jack? No. But those industries can be very sleazy, very toxic, very abusive, and they probably had the opportunity to participate in some fairly dangerous forms of "glamorous" "fun". One or both of them might have flirted with drugs. It's one possible interpretation.

And I like the potential angst of Alicia and Bob kind of brushing that wild past off as "just what some people do when you're young and stupid and beautiful and rich", of them being settled and confident and comparatively "boring" adults now in these celebrity environments that have generally treated them very well, and this contributing to them not fully realizing just how much pressure this professional sports world that eats people alive is putting on their kid. It's just the exciting hockey juniors culture for Jack and Kent to participate in all of the underage drinking and stupid bets! Bad Bob Zimmermann can be the cool dad who looks the other way.

Until Jack overdoses on anxiety meds. And Bob is sitting in a hospital waiting room while the entire hockey world speculates about his teenage son's obvious recreational drug habits because "record and rumor has it that Bad Bob liked to party pretty hard back in the day". And it's the worst day of his life.

Also, I like the potential humor of the main characters worrying about impressing Jack's elegant and classy parents, while Alicia and Bob are 99% sure that their beloved hockey robot child was conceived on a private jet while they were VERY drunk. Bitty is worried that Jack's parents will think he's some unsophiscated southern hick who does keg stands at frat parties every weekend or something, goodness gracious, until Jack reveals that there exist photos of his father naked on his knees drinking beer from the Stanley Cup, and that those photos used to be framed in the upstairs bathroom of his childhood home.

Bitty: "...Good Lord, you weren't surprised at all to meet someone like Shitty, were you?"

Jack: "The social justice stuff was new."

[whiskeyapologist]

good news i'm the most fuckable person at this vehicular manslaughter

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I couldn't resist

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@ohyoufool

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and today at practice........

[whiskeyapologist]

the omgcp tv show has to be a period piece because if bitty had had access to tiktok at samwell, he would never have passed that degree