whitedaisydreamer-blog-blog

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There comes a point of real realization of being made to feel stupid or your problems diminished or to be judged every single fucking time you talk about an issue, where you no longer want to share anything with that person anymore. More than anything, they're the ones hurting you more than your problems. What happened to support and unconditional caring and love in relationships... Of any kind?

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The moment someone asks me if I'm leaving tomorrow I choke up... Can't even hold a normal conversation. Nice.

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If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you’d take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at 2 AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you’re going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft.

from Karl Paulnack’s welcome address for Boston Conservatory (via johnsonguitarstudio)

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How I feel anytime anyone has EVER said that to me...

Oh hey I heard u practicing earlier!!

Me:

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Truth

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I have come to the conclusion that your closest friends can actually break your heart worse than love interests, partners, husbands, girlfriends, etc etc.. There is a different sort of intimacy that's involved in close friendships. Certain feelings, certain omissions, the indulging of gossip that others would never hear of, that you share with your closest friend. Personally, with my closest friend I'm able to comfortably be my sarcastic, sardonic, pessimistic, overly romantic, overly emotional self without any inhibitions. This person knows me in ways that others may never know. Including my boyfriend. Which I am entirely okay with. Perhaps, some would conclude that that sounds unhealthy that I would be different 'forms' of myself between people, but quite frankly, different people bring out different sides of me. Regardless, I digress. My original thought being that closest friends can certainly break your heart. And it's a breaking that hurts differently from romantic partners. In a sense, I believe people who have close friends may romanticize their friendships in certain aspects. I, for one, romanticize the closeness, similar interests, the unspoken understanding of each other's needs (over a large spectrum of topics i.e. sex, love, money, work, etc.). And within the last few months of separation between un-named, close friend of mine, this friendship has began to take a strange turn and has done nothing but open my eyes to the darkest parts of his personality and his character and how, though I thought I'd be immune to it, has fully impacted our relationship and my trust in him as a friend.

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And in those fleeting moments, she understands that however much we might wish to sever ourselves from the past, ties of blood and memory remain - even the most rebellious soul cannot be immune to that human truth.

Brendan I. Koener, from The Skies Belong to Us (via the-final-sentence)

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Valentine's Day is such a waste.

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“Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music.” - Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff (1873 – 1943).

Sergei Rachmaninoff (signed) photograph taken by George Faitzer.

Working on a score, a cigarette in one hand

At Ivanovka, proofing his third piano concerto. 1910

Sergei Rachmaninoff on the piano. 1931

On the piano (part 2)

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Every time I play the Frankie show, despite the fact I have played the show so many times, I cannot help but think of Dima for every song. I'm so inexplicably in love with him, I'd shout it from rooftops of I could!

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Dover!

Finally in Dover! Long day, long flights! At least we arrived to gifts and free room service woo!! How lovely it is to be taken care of like this!! First night I'll be sleeping alone since he's back, I believe. It's a bit strange, I must say...

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Love, experience, happiness.

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A personal opinion of mine: there's no wrong in desiring someone with mind, body, and soul. There's a place for it, yes. Unfortunately, I find it hard to subdue those feelings in the times I should, in fact, not acknowledge them. Lucky him, feeling this way for him....