whitethorn-blackthorn

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Jem: Kit, what is all over your hands?

Kit: Scratches and bite marks.

Jem: How did you get those?!

Kit: Well... FROM THAT DEVIL CAT OF YOURS!

Jem, shocked: What? Church? My precious Church? No way!

Kit: He hates me!

Jem: No he doesn’t. He is absolutely delighted that you are here.

Kit: What?! He literally attacks me every chance he gets!

Church: *enters the room purring and rubs against Jem’s legs*

Jem: Well, aren’t you the sweetest!

Kit: But-

Jem: Aren’t you glad Kit’s a new part of our family?

Church: *meows*

Jem: See?

Kit: But he-

Jem: *picks up Church*

Kit: Are you frickin’ kidding me...

Church: *looks Kit dead in the eyes and hisses*

Kit: *mouths* Fuck. You.

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Jace: Every store sells weapons if you’re creative enough.

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Kit: So here’s the tea.

Ty: For the last time, it’s called a demon report.

Kit: Do you want the tea or not?

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

The actual version of “Soft Kitty”:

Soft kitty

Warm kitty

Little ball of fur

Happy kitty

Sleepy kitty

Purr purr purr

Kit’s version - “Bad Kitty” - for Church:

Bad kitty

Cold kitty

Angry ball of fur

Nasty kitty

Grouchy kitty

Grr grr grr

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Clary: Why is Simon making that face?

Isabelle: Well, Simon has betrayed me. So, as punishment, I made him my special soup.

Simon: *quiet gagging noises*

Clary: Why is he still eating it?

Isabelle: He can’t spill it out since I’m watching him. Next time he decides to watch our favorite show without me, I’m making him a sardine smoothie.

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Emma: What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?

Cristina: I don’t do kinky things.

Emma: Cristina, you’re literally in a threesome.

Cristina: ◉‿◉

Cristina: ʘ_ʘ

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Jace: *looking in a mirror* Wow...

Clary: What? What’s wrong?

Jace: You are just so. Damn. LUCKY! I mean look at me!

Clary: ...

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

*Jace and Janus come face-to-face*

Jace: I'm pretty sure I had a dream like this...

Janus: You did. A few years ago.

Jace: Right... it was a pretty great dream.

Janus: Damn right it was.

Jace:

Janus:

Jace: Wait... aren't we supposed to be fighting?

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Mina: Sing me a lullaby.

Kit: Okay. Umm...

Kit: To the windowwwww

Kit: To the walllll, *whispers* to the wall

Kit: To the sweat drop down my- *pauses* brows

Kit: To all these bit- uh people crawl

Kit: To all skeet skeet mother forkers

Kit: All skeet skeet-

Mina: Oh my god stop!

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Simon: What are you holding?

Sizzy Child: A smoothie.

Simon: What’s in it?

Sizzy Child: Not sure. Mama just made it.

Sizzy Child: *raises cup towards mouth to try*

Simon: *knocks cup out of his child’s hand*

Sizzy Child: Wha-

Simon: DON’T DRINK IT!

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Kit: I’m a ninja!

Ty: No, you’re not.

Kit: Did you see that?

Ty: See what?

Kit: Exactly.

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Alec: Hey, Lily? You wanna go on a mission with me?

Lily: I don’t know. I’m kind of tired-

Alec: Jem will be there.

Lily: ...of staying home! When are we leaving?!

Alec: *sighs*

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Ty: Hey. Do you want to go out with me?

Kit, furiously blushing: I thought you’d never ask!

*a few minutes later*

Kit, standing outside with Ty: *sighs* I totally misunderstood what you meant...

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Emma: If you come clean now, I’ll go easy on you.

Emma, in a very serious voice: So, tell me... did you eat... my chocolate cake?

Mark, with chocolate all around his mouth: No.

Emma: *slams fists on table* LIAR!

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Kit: JEM! THE DEVIL CAT BIT ME!

Jem: Hey, don’t speak about Church that way. He’s a very GOOD cat. I’m sure there was some sort of misunderstanding.

Church: *starts to purr as he rubs himself against Jem’s legs*

Jem: See?

Jem: *turns around*

Church: *looks Kit in the eyes and hisses*

Kit: Ohh, two can play that game. It’s on you little shit.

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Simon: I did a bad thing.

Jace: Does it affect me?

Simon: No.

Jace: Then suffer in silence.

[whitethorn-blackthorn]

Cristina, taking a sip of coffee, wide-eyed and shaking: There is no such thing as too much coffee.

Emma, prying the cup of coffee out of her grip: Actually, there is.