whole30problems

[whole30problems]

Day 21: 1/21/18

WE QUIT!!! 

We slept on it last night, and this morning I woke up to a bunch of really nice messages from a bunch of you. Here are some (anonymous) highlights:

From fellow Whole30 sufferers:

I’m torn because I feel like I really need the moral support / the blog BUT I also don’t want you guys to get divorced or be so so miserable. I mean, beyond normal Whole30 misery I guess.

As a fellow high achiever/nonstop worker/ etc, I have a high tolerance for not feeling well because I don't let myself stop and realize how bad it is. Make the best decision for you. And while I will miss your daily blog, I will continue to text you my stresses and wins. :)

From non-Whole30 friends:

As much as I enjoy reading about how miserable you guys are every January, I am just going to throw my support to the concept of stopping the W30 diet asap

I get that the Whole30 diet can appear as a challenge and that you, Maya, have a history of putting yourself "to the test" in a variety of ways (normally a healthy approach to life) but you're clearly suffering and there is no reason to do so because of this damn diet (scientifically or nutritionally speaking). Please look at this, PLEASE: https://health.usnews.com/best-diet/whole30-diet

I honestly was so scared to publicly say last night that we were thinking about giving up. I’m not sure what of exactly; maybe that people would be disappointed in me or think I was a quitter or think it meant that I’m lazy or something. But the support from friends (both in terms of wanting me to be healthy/happy, and clearly liking me anyway) was a really wonderful push in the right direction. When Erik got home this morning, I immediately told him I thought we should quit. I had a whole list of pros and cons prepared, which were probably unnecessary because as soon as I told him I wanted out he had no questions.

In short, my plan is as follows:

No more extreme dieting, ever. We want to be healthy, sure, but we need something sustainable and low-stress.

No lazy unhealthy eating. We both agreed not to make pasta or other carb-heavy meals at home, but also think it’s ok to have those things as an occasional treat if we’re eating out.

Keep eating minimal sugar, and avoiding processed foods.

Stop defaulting to drinking alcohol every night.

Actually start exercising. I think I’m going to start combining my dog’s morning walks with (beginner) runs and see how that goes.

We talked a lot about the fact that we don’t really have anything extreme we’re trying to solve. We’re both maybe 5-10 lbs heavier than we probably need to be, but we’re not really unhappy with our appearance or how we feel. And we’re both already pretty good at eating whole foods and avoiding unnecessary sugar or fake foods. Yes, we could exercise more and we could drink less, but who couldn’t? I think the biggest thing we realized is that most normal people don’t put this kind of thing on themselves for no reason.

Anyway, as soon as we were in agreement, we both felt SO HUMAN AGAIN. We were both grinning ear to ear and just felt so free. Weirdly, this actually didn’t change my food intake that much today, but just the freedom to have a couple non-compliant ingredients or plan dinners this week that aren’t so boring made me feel so much better.

For those of you still doing the Whole30, I support you! And will very much still be here for moral support. It made me feel great last year and I hope it does the same for you. For whatever reason, this year just wasn’t my time. I look forward to hearing what you think of all this when it’s over!

Here’s what I ate today, for the last time... ever. Thanks so much to all of you who’ve read and loved this blog for two years now. I love you.

Breakfast

We didn’t have a lot of food laying around in the house because I’ve been avoiding meal planning all weekend, but I was able to whip up one of those Sunnyside salads for a delightful (and green plant-filled!) breakfast.

I think this will remain a staple for me in non-Whole30 life. It’s so easy (seriously just 2 ingredients) and the egg and balsamic vinegar mix to make a really yummy dressing. One of the things I plan to always have on hand going forward is salad greens - it’s so easy, healthy, and filling to throw together one of these salads, or pop some tuna on top, or just eat it with whatever leftover meat is in the fridge.

Another thing I did this morning is order a bunch of new cookbooks. I got Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat (because I would like to learn more about why eggs and balsamic vinegar taste so good together), Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy (because I want to know the science behind what “healthy” food is supposed to mean), and The Big Fat Surprise (because I would like someone to convince me that eating cheese sometimes is ok). I’d really like to try and approach this stuff in a more educated way going forward - not because I actually think the Whole30 was an unhealthy mistake, but just because I think it would help with my general daily anxiety that I’m eating the wrong thing all the time.

Lunch

We had to go look at a bunch of apartments today, and while we were out Erik chose to break his Whole30 fast with coffee and a donut:

I agree, not really the healthiest choice, but it made him so happy. And I genuinely do think it’s ok to indulge in a donut once in a while! What the hell is life for if not to eat an occasional donut. That said, I snacked on a banana.

We stopped at Bareburger a couple hours later, where I had the most delicious burger of my entire life:

That is a hamburger with cheddar cheese and bacon (!) in a collard green wrap. That’s right, even off the Whole30 I couldn’t bring myself to eat a bun. But god damn that was some good cheddar. (Erik had a normal cheeseburger with a side of onion rings. He is his own man.)

We also went to the grocery store and got all kinds of non-compliant (but I think still not unhealthy) foods. Like HUMMUS!!!!! And some FETA CHEESE!!!! Erik tried to buy half a pecan pie and that’s when I finally put my foot down.

Dinner

We made instant pot pot roast, which is a paleo recipe from Nom Nom Paleo. The instant pot, as usual, took 4 hours instead of 1, so we ate dinner at 9:30, which I am not happy about, but what can you do. (This is my new zen personality.) IT’S REALLY GOOD!

We made the mashed potatoes with butter, but no milk. Erik was concerned about making it without milk but then googled it and reported back that it would be acceptable. I’m 99% sure he’s going to eat half a pecan pie tomorrow.

SO THERE YA HAVE IT. We’re going to retire from the Whole30, and from the food blogging game. We’re going to probably eat mostly healthy still. I’m going to try to exercise. And hopefully, having one less stressful thing in our life will make us more sane and happy. (I certainly can say that I feel happier knowing there is cheese in my house, so at least there’s that.)

We’ll also still be finishing out January of Strength and not drinking again til Feb 1st, so don’t worry - if you need us, we will still be over here, more miserable than people as spoiled and lucky as we are have any right to be.

<3

[whole30problems]

Day 20: 1/20/18

Soooo... we are considering not finishing this Whole30. I’ll get into why, but let me first just say that I realize this seems like a really lame cop out. And I think it would be if this was the first time I was doing Whole30. But I already did the whole thing once so I know I’m capable of it - so it doesn’t feel like giving up to me, it feels like considering my options knowing how I’ll feel in both scenarios and trying to make the more mature move instead of focusing on the guilt that I think people will be disappointed in me or make fun of me or whatever might happen.

Actually, lemme just tell you about my day because I think then you may understand where I’m coming from.

Breakfast

I woke up at 5am again, sneezing and with a constantly runny nose (I should have taken a picture of how many tissues I used in the next hour; I think it was probably like 30). For some context on this: I have woken up between 4-5am every single day for the last... I think 2 weeks? We finally acknowledged today that it seems like I might be allergic to something in the apartment, because it seems like as soon as I leave home I’m fine, and as soon as I come back (like right now, as I type this, I am sneezing again, and I have not sneezed in hours) it starts up again. So that is stressful thing #1.

So I woke up at 5, put in a few hours of work (stressful thing #2: work is crazy right now for a bunch of reasons and I know someone’s going to yell at me about work/life balance but I work at a very early stage startup that is doing a lot of cool things and this is not the time for me to have a work life balance so just don’t yell at me about it. But yes I basically work 24/7 currently and it’s exhausting), and sat around sneezing and feeling miserable. 

Erik woke up eventually and offered to make some of those yummy smashed potatoes out of leftover cooked potatoes we have in the fridge. I said that sounded great. Then he came out of the kitchen with ONE plate with a couple potatoes and a sausage on it. I asked him where my breakfast was and he said he didn’t realize I wanted any. “What made you think,” I asked him, “That I would be making my own breakfast at some time in the future? I’ve been awake for hours and I’m starving. I also literally can’t stop sneezing long enough to even make it into the kitchen, PLUS I’m in the middle of a bunch of work.” (I am a joy to build a life with.) So he made me some breakfast:

Then he went off to skate (his current passion) and was so excited because this is the first day in months where it’s warm enough that he can go do it outside. He came back only an hour later, which is always a bad sign because it means something went wrong. It turns out the skate park was closed (and still full of snow), and he crumbled. The problem is, as I may have described here before, that January removes everything Erik loves. He’s not allowed to have beer. He’s not allowed to eat any comfort foods. He doesn’t have any free time because he’s constantly doing the dishes (or helping with other household chores that I don’t have time to do because I’m cooking every second of the day that I’m home). And he can’t spend any time outdoors, which makes him totally insane.

So on days like this, where he thought he might have something nice to do and then even that got taken away from him, it’s really not easy for him to bounce back. To his credit he tried, but it illuminated for me yet again how miserable this diet is making him. It’s just withholding one more thing that has the potential to make him have a good day. So there’s stressful thing #3.

Lunch

We went to see a couple apartments (as I think I mentioned the other day, we just found out we have to move), and since this was my first time really moving around today I noticed that a subtle lower back pain from yesterday had blossomed into what felt like a full-on muscle sprain. It was bad enough that I was limping a little because it hurt every time I moved my leg (back injury: stressful thing #4). When we got home from looking at the apartments, we did some stretching, which helped a little, but when I stood up from the floor I got really dizzy and that thing happened where I blacked out for a few seconds and couldn’t see anything and had to hold on to Erik until it passed. (Concerned family reading this: I promise I am fine, this is not something that happens often.)

This is when Erik totally lost his mind. He started expressing some concerns that I guess he’s had for a while, which is that I’ve basically been sick the whole time we’ve been doing Whole30 (as he put it, "I’ve never seen you this frail in the entire time I’ve known you”) and he strongly feels I should consider whether or not this makes sense for me to keep doing. I argued that I don’t see how eating less healthy would make me feel any better. What, if I was drinking regularly and eating pasta all my problems would be solved? And I really don’t know the answer to this - I don’t know if these things are a coincidence or if my diet really is hurting me somehow - but I do know that last year at this time I felt great, and for whatever reason I do not feel great now. I do have more energy at work, yes, which is nice, but I think that’s just because I’m not drinking and I’m not eating sugar and I’m going to bed earlier. But I feel sick, and weak, and exhausted at the end of the day, and I can’t sleep. So something certainly doesn’t feel right. Stressful thing #5.

Anyway, we argued about that for a while and then I made us a greek salad, which was really good!

It’s just romaine, hardboiled eggs, tomatoes, and kalamata olives. The dressing is olive oil, red wine vinegar, lemon juice, garlic, and salt and pepper. While I was making this admittedly very simple and quick salad, I was also heavily guilting my husband about not offering to make it. But the problem is, he hates cooking more than anything in the world, I think maybe even a tiny bit more than he hates seeing me in pain, which is certainly a lot. So I made lunch while I moaned every time I had to move because my back hurt, and constantly blew my nose because it wouldn’t stop running, and generally gave him a hard time. The thing is, I joke about this a lot here, but this kind of intense diet really is tough on a (or at least our) relationship. It’s so much work, and it’s neverending. Erik has done the dishes 3 times today, and somehow there are still dishes in the sink. There’s always groceries to order or something to clean or something to cook. And it is very much not making us enjoy the limited time we have together at home. Stressful thing #6.

I took a nap after lunch and that helped (so did the heating pad I put under my back).

Dinner

We did have one really nice part of our day. Remember that angel Duncan who cooked us a Whole30 dinner last year? He did it again this year, and this time he had help in the form of a second angel, Sarah:

They hosted us for dinner, and made us a delicious salad, a spatchcocked (??) chicken, and a truly amazing slow cooker curry cauliflower korma that you should 100% make. This was the best dinner I’ve had probably all month (half because it was good, and half because I didn’t have to make it). We brought the La Croix. They wouldn’t let us clean up any of the dishes after dinner. Like I said: angels.

They read the blog, so we talked a lot about how it’s going and the pros/cons. And while we were talking about it, I realized... there aren’t really any pros this year. In addition to all the health problems I’ve been having, I also still haven’t dropped more than those original 5 lbs (and I’m convinced that was just from getting rid of alcohol). And we’re just... so... miserable.

Duncan also made us a “second course” (since we’re not allowed to have “dessert”) which was a sort of smoothie made from bananas, coconut milk, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Oh my god it was heavenly.

On our walk home, Erik and I had some real talk about the Whole30. He told me how guilty he felt eating that paleo crack bar the other day because it had raw maple syrup in it, and how it got him thinking that so many of the Whole30 rules seem so silly because we already know (from doing it + reintroduction last year) that a bunch of the forbidden foods don’t make us personally feel bad. I also think I’ve been relying on the Whole30 too much as my sole (theoretical) method of losing weight or staying skinny when really what I should probably be doing is exercising. And, ya know, sleeping.

I think we just don’t... really believe this is the right diet for us. And we actually DO eat relatively healthy (much more than we used to before Whole30). We went down the list:

We almost never eat bread or pasta at home

We almost never order in food

We eat breakfast every day, and it’s usually some variation of the eggs and meat/veggie we’re eating now

We’ve both cut down on our caffeine

We’ve both massively cut down on our sugar (outside of my one vice, Pumpkin Spice Lattes in Nov/Dec)

I eat way less cheese than I used to, and Erik eats way less fast food than he used to

We’re not perfect, but we don’t have any serious dietary reactions to anything we eat, and we’re relatively thin, active people. I just don’t really know what we’re trying to get out of this anymore. It doesn’t really feel like it has a point this year. Last year, we had a goal: finish the Whole30. Prove that we can do it. Now it just feels like a dumb project we’ve finished already.

I feel pretty confident that even if we choose not to continue doing the Whole30, we can still use January as a healthy month (no alcohol, little to no sugar, more veggies, and actual exercise) and get more out of it if we’re not stressed and miserable all the time.

So there you have it. I don’t know what we’re going to do but I can tell you that I’m leaning towards giving up on this. We have enough stress in our lives without a self-imposed diet that seems to be killing both of us slowly. I still super believe in the Whole30 and think it’s worth doing once to learn what works and doesn’t work for your body, but I think what I’ve learned this time around is that rather than doing something extreme like this again, a smarter thing is just to take what you’ve learned and incorporate that into your life in a sustainable way. I’d like to be healthy year round, not just in January.

And Erik would like to eat a pizza.

[whole30problems]

Day 19: 1/19/18

We realized today that next week is our last full week of Whole30! I definitely think our results have been a little less striking than last time (unless some miracles happen in the second half); we don’t seem to be magically losing weight or feeling amazing like we did this time last year. I think it’s not helping that we have a lot of life stuff going on so we’re really stressed at the moment... maybe that’s just overshadowing the tiger blood. But whatever! Whole30! Ugly food pics! Let’s go!

Breakfast

I’m actually not going to share an ugly food pic of this one because guess what I ate today. I had scrambled eggs, sausage, and cucumber slices. I know. I’m sorry.

I offered to make breakfast for my husband before I headed off to my 12 hour work day, and after thinking about it for a few minutes he said “Sure, but can you heat up my sausage for 45 seconds on each side?” This is a whole thing. I usually heat up my sausage in the microwave for 30 seconds on each side (they’re pre-cooked). He says he likes his “well done.” So I brought him out his breakfast, and the first thing he says is “Did you do this for 45 seconds on each side? It doesn’t seem well done.” For the record, upon reflection, I think I did probably forget to flip them over and do them again. But can anybody ever just shut up and say thank you?!?! Whatever.

Lunch

We had a team lunch at work today so I got some free Sweetgreen! I got the guacamole greens salad (no tortilla chips, no onions), which I used to be crazy about but I think they changed the dressing or something and it’s just not as good anymore.

It’s basically the exact salad I had last night, just without the chewy meat.

One of my coworkers brought chocolate in for everybody but I (after yelling at her) abstained. Everyone sure seemed happy eating their chocolate, though!

I had some earl grey tea.

Dinner

Now THIS is what I’m talking about:

That’s a damn dinner. We made Nom Nom Paleo’s “Nomster burgers,” which are apparently based on In N Out animal style burgers. You sautee shallots and stuff them in the inside of the burgers, plus you cook the burgers in mustard so it’s all incorporated.

If you’re wondering why it looks like the tomatoes are three times bigger than the hamburgers, well, it’s because they are. Those are some tiny burgers. I had a brief moment of panic when Erik was frying up the eggs because I thought the burgers were almost done but then I flipped them and they were 100% raw, I’m pretty sure because I made them too small and chunky instead of bigger and flatter. But they came out delicious and juicy anyway, so they’re seriously idiot proof. And if this idiot, me, can make something this yummy, I imagine you probably can too.

Topped it with some Frank’s Red Hot and called it a day.

One thing I’m enjoying about the Whole30 is that I have zero guilt about eating meat. Because, like, if I don’t eat meat, I’ll just die. I’ve still been feeling really lightheaded the past couple days and suspect it’s because I’m not eating enough sugar. But what can ya do, ya know.

Ok, it’s past 10 so I’m unconscious now. Tiger blood...?

[whole30problems]

Day 18: 1/18/18

I forgot that one of the side effects of tiger blood is that you fall asleep EXACTLY at 10 pm no matter what you may be doing at the time. Tonight I fell asleep on the couch immediately after (an admittedly kinda late) dinner. I was going to skip this post and do it in the morning but felt too guilty. So I’ll do it now but please read the whole thing in an angry voice (if you don’t already).

Breakfast

I had hardboiled eggs, tomatoes, and chives. I have a photo but you don’t need to see yet another photo of this. At least it’s not eggs and sausage!! Maybe tomorrow I’ll make some scrambled eggs. Who can say. Man, I miss scrambled eggs with cheese. And cheese in general. I noticed myself gazing at the Babybel cheeses we have in the fridge at work today (before Whole30, I was having one of those as basically a daily snack). If I don’t lose more than 10 lbs doing this, I swear I’m going back to daily cheese.

Lunch

I brought leftover spaghetti squash with tomatoes and mushrooms and it was actually even better than last night! I think that one might be a winner. The only problem was I only had a pretty tiny serving left. My coworker Emmi who’s doing a mostly paleo diet had a delicious looking/smelling lunch (some kind of curried beef stew) but had the same problem as me of too small a serving. The difference between us was she was able to snack afterwards to top off her lunch.

I will say that one nice thing about spaghetti squash is it fills you up way more than, you know, spaghetti. Kinda weird when you think about the fact that you’re just eating a bowl of vegetables. Some of my coworkers expressed concern that I may not be eating enough protein, while they ate their burritos. One of them got double cheese on his burrito. I would literally kill someone for a double cheese burrito right now.

I had some tea after lunch because I was cold, but opted for a decaf tea because that’s how wide awake I was - I was scared to have a cup of caffeinated tea. I tried this new “Winter Spice” tea I got for the office. It smells incredible, and like most decaf teas, tastes like nothing. And somehow also like garbage. I’m not sure how something can taste like nothing and also garbage, but that’s decaf tea for ya.

I thought about eating an apple but wasn’t hungry enough to deal with it. I told some of my coworkers about the Whole30 trick: if you’re not hungry enough to eat a plate of chicken and vegetables, you’re not actually hungry. I still use this all the time!

One of my coworkers is doing the master cleanse next month (the thing where you eat/drink nothing but lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne for 8+ days) and I cannot WAIT to not be the weirdo extreme dieting in the office. Also curious to see what the hell happens to someone living on that diet. 

Speaking of the master cleanse, I just googled it and the first result is from Maple Valley Syrup, saying: “The master cleanse lemonade diet is a weight loss detox cleanse using Maple Valley organic maple syrup, lemon juice, and cyan pepper.” Either they’re geniuses for inventing this diet so people would buy their maple syrup, or that is some damn good SEO. Nice work, Maple Valley Syrup.

Speaking of syrup, Erik HELLA CHEATED TODAY! He texted me to let me know that he was going to be treating himself to lunch at Hu Kitchen (a paleo restaurant), and then a dessert of their “paleo crack bar,” which has maple syrup and is therefore definitively not Whole30 compliant. I’m not gonna make a big deal about this or anything, but I think if the Hartwigs™ found out about this he’d be out of the club. I texted him a couple hours later asking how it went:

Dinner

I got home around 7:30 and then very sadly came to the realization that the steak for this Mexican cobb salad thing needed to be marinated for an hour. I whipped up the marinade, stuck it in the fridge, and then sat around wishing I was smarter until it was done. We ate around 8:45, which is essentially my bedtime, so not ideal. Here it is:

The steak looked perfectly done, but was really chewy (to the point that half of it I just threw out because it literally made my jaw hurt trying to eat it), so I don’t know if something was wrong with the steak or what. But either way, steak is gross. I just can’t really enjoy it anymore.

Even if the steak had been edible, I think this was just ok. The vinaigrette just wasn’t interesting enough and it didn’t have enough else going for it. The romaine was probably my favorite part. This is my life now.

[whole30problems]

Day 17: 1/17/18

THE TIGER BLOOD IS HERE, BABY!

I was really sluggish this morning but once I got going I had a crazy level of energy throughout the day - it felt like I’d had too much caffeine or something, but I didn’t have any besides my normal morning tea. It’s working!

My friend Melissa was texting me this morning - she’s doing Whole30 but she’s a week behind - and said that this blog is both good and bad because she can see what’s coming but it also makes her aware of how much time is left. We compared notes on breakfast ideas and husbands and red meat. Her very cute baby is not enjoying his Whole30 snacks.

Similarly, Erik is not experiencing tiger blood and is not enjoying his Whole30 snacks.

Breakfast

I made this wacky sardine breakfast from Nom Nom Paleo’s 2nd cookbook. It looks like gross mush - and it is! - but I actually was surprised how much I liked it.

It’s sardines, avocado, mustard, pickles, lime juice, red pepper flakes... I forget what else. It was really hearty and filling, super quick to make, and a nice change from what I usually have. I also like that I can stock up on sardines and make this as a backup any time I have a fresh avocado.

I tried to get Erik to taste it but he was really grossed out that I was eating sardines for breakfast, which is fair enough.

Lunch

I only had time this morning to make breakfast or lunch, and opted to make breakfast and splurge on Made Nice for lunch again. This is definitely my favorite Whole30 meal... it’s too bad it’s like $20 for a salad. Only for special occasions!

My friend Jen and I exchanged lunch pics:

I’m always so impressed with people who can do this kind of diet with that scavenger mentality. I know I make so much extra work for myself trying to cook meals constantly, but for whatever reason I can’t convince my stomach that a bunch of tiny portions of things is a meal and I always end up still feeling hungry. It would make life so much easier though.

And seriously: if you’re thinking about doing Whole30, get one or more friends to do it with you. I could not do this without being able to text my friends and commiserate. (Speaking of, Leanne who got me into Whole30 in the first place last year told me today she decided NOT to do it this year. I forgive her.)

While we were eating lunch at work, my coworkers asked how the Whole30 was going, but it turned out to be a joke because I talk about it so much they were asking ironically. Then we spent a bunch of time where everyone expressed concern about Erik - is he eating enough? Am I a bad wife for making him do Whole30? Is he sad all the time?

They really like Erik.

Dinner

Erik made dinner, but to be fair, I gave him the easiest possible option and the only reason I asked him in the first place is because I had to spend my evening looking for apartments (we’ve just been alerted that we have to move... lots going on in this household). He made spaghetti squash with tomatoes and mushrooms:

It turned out really good! That sprinkling on top was only on Erik’s dinner because I’m not a cheater. It’s vegan cheese, left over from the “pizza” he made over the weekend. I think it’s made entirely out of cashews and nutritional yeast. He says he’s been really enjoying it and he’s been putting it on everything.

When I tasted this, I said that I wasn’t sure how I felt about the pine nuts in there, and he icily said, “Well I took the time to toast them, so I hope you can enjoy them.” So I’ve decided that I love the pine nuts.

I have been very lazy with my meals this week and I’m worried we’ll have a ton of leftover food at the end of the week. I have nothing more to say. Goodbye. 

[whole30problems]

Day 16: 1/16/18

Gonna make this a quick one because I’m still sick and I didn’t get home from work until 9pm and I’m half asleep already.

Definitely no tiger blood today, but still can’t tell if that’s just because I’m sick or what. Overall, not feeling very tired throughout the day though and not really craving food outside of meals.

Breakfast

I had it on the menu to make some butternut squash breakfast bowl thing, but of course was too lazy this morning to do that, so I made that egg and tomato and chive thing I like:

Sidenote, apparently iOS 11 saves images in “heic” format which I’ve never heard of and doesn’t work on my computer, so I just had to take a screenshot of this in Google Photos. What year is this?! I miss you, Pixel.

While I was eating that breakfast I was thinking about how much I liked it so I looked up “quick vegetarian breakfasts.” It only turned up grain or oat heavy recipes so I guess that’s out. But it would be nice to find other things that are this quick to make in the morning and don’t require any cooking (or meat).

Lunch

I forgot to take a picture of my salad again because I was in a lunch meeting. But it was leftover arugula and salmon and potatoes and dill. It was very good and I ate too much of it.

I had a banana for a snack towards the end of the day.

My friend Joe was asking me if he’s allowed to have a clementine after lunch. I told him yes and gave him my usual lecture about how you can have fruit for a snack if you’re actually hungry but not if it’s a sugar craving/replacement. He apologized for asking so many questions (he hasn’t read the Whole30 book so he’s winging a lot of it) but I told him that his questions make me feel less alone. It’s true! I feel happiest when I’m talking to other people suffering from this same stupid diet as I am.

Dinner

I asked Erik to make the spaghetti squash thing we had planned for dinner since I was going to be at work late, but he ended up not being up for cooking so we ordered Purbird again instead. And you know what? That’s fine. This whole thing is so much easier when you just have your easy fallback meals and you don’t give yourself a hard time for defaulting to them when you can’t handle cooking. I wish I’d figured that out earlier.

Here’s my salad.

Hashtag no filter.

I just asked Erik how he’s feeling about the Whole30 and he said “Uh... I hate it.”

[whole30problems]

Day 15: 1/15/18

That’s right - it’s day 15. It’s all downhill from here, or something! Lots of people were asking me how I feel today since it’s the halfway point. I told all of them I’d probably be enjoying it a lot more if I hadn’t been sick for the last week. Also, there’s a little bit less of a novelty this time around. Like I think last time we were able to entertain ourselves with the shock value, and this year since we know what’s coming it just feels... mostly boring.

Breakfast

I woke up at 5am because I went to bed at 8 last night, which was great! (When I’m not hibernating or lazy I actually usually get up at 5 - I love having the extra time in the morning.) And I made leftovers from my cabbage and onion thing yesterday. I’m getting really good at making crispy fried eggs with runny yolks!

I think I took a picture but I switched my sim card to 3 different phones today and I think my pictures got lost in the shuffle. So I’ll just show you some more of these:

Lunch

I went out to lunch today! Like a real human! I had a lunch date with my friend Frank and he had originally suggested Whole Foods but I made him take me to my favorite salad place, Made Nice. I got the salmon rosti, which I don’t have a picture of but here’s one from their website:

So good. I got it without the potato croutons (I suspect they’re cooked in butter and/or flour) and switched out the buttercream vinaigrette for lemon vinaigrette. I thought about asking if there’s sugar in the lemon vin, but like, come on. This is fish and cucumbers on lettuce. I think it’s fine.

I did get a little hungry towards the end of the work day (I think because this is a smaller serving than I usually do for my protein-heavy lunch salads) so I had a Lara bar. Also, I know I said I was going to stop having caffeinated tea after lunch, but it’s literally all I have. And the Whole30 doesn’t say anything about caffeine. So just shut up about it.

While I was at work, Erik texted me to tell me he made another Whole30 dessert (he stayed home today for MLK Day):

I really wish he would stop trying to make Whole30 desserts (sort of an oxymoron, really).

Dinner 

I really should have a photo of this one because I was done with my phone switching by this point, but I just forgot :( Honestly, I was hungry and tired and definitely just didn’t think about it. I’m having leftovers for lunch tomorrow though, so you’ll be able to see an ugly picture of my salad then.

Anyway, I made one of my old favorites: salmon potato arugula salad! I felt kinda bad because Erik doesn’t like salmon (and yeah I had salmon twice today, deal with it) but after he finished his, he actually went back for seconds. Wow this sounds like one of those boring food blogs where the ladies talk about how great their day is when their husbands ask for more food. Sorry. It’s 10:53 and I usually go to bed at 9pm. Here’s a dramatic reenactment of our dinner to make up for it:

Get it?

Bye.

[whole30problems]

Day 14: 1/14/18

My cold escalated so I spent all day sneezing and coughing and sniffling. My nose feels like it’s on fire. My friend Lauren was reminding me today that this happened last year (”the Whole30 flu,” my other friend Leanne calls it) and telling me that this is a good thing because it’s my body getting rid of all the bad stuff. Which makes sense. And surely tiger blood will follow this detox phase, right? Right???

Obviously the downside is that I feel horrible, but the plus side is that I have no appetite, so Whole30 is a breeze! Could not have given less of a damn what I cooked or ate today.

Breakfast

I did, however, finally make this cabbage breakfast thing I’ve been thinking about making. It was really quick and really filling and delicious! Most importantly, I have enough leftovers to pop a fried egg over it in the morning and call it a day.

That’s cabbage and onions sauteed in ghee and garlic, with a couple crispy fried eggs on top.

Lunch

We had leftover chicken with beets etc from dinner last night. I heated up Erik’s plate for him and handed it to him and he screamed and almost dropped the plate. I didn’t understand because I’d been holding it and it didn’t feel that hot at all. It turned out he was holding it at the bottom instead of the sides. Who holds a microwaved plate on the bottom?!

He also attempted to make another round of Erik’s Patented Ghee™ - I say attempted because something went wonky and we ended up with this:

I don’t know if it got burned or what. Does anyone know if caramel-colored ghee is still edible / still tastes like ghee? I guess I could google it, but I’m probably not going to. I guess we’ll see what it looks like in the morning.

The nice thing about the caramelized ghee was that it made the whole house smell like Cinnabon. It was so nice. I suggested to Erik that we get a Cinnabon on February 1st and he agreed enthusiastically. I told him it was a test and he failed (because you’re supposed to add back in ONE food group at a time once you’re done with the 30 days). He said, “I am going to add back in one at a time. I’m going to start with Cinnabons.”

We watched a movie and I made guacamole with plantain chips for us to nibble on. I was going to bring the leftover guac to work tomorrow for a snack but Erik devoured the whole thing.

Dinner

I was going to make some fancy chicken thing but decided to just give up and serve us the remaining leftover chicken from dinner last night (the same thing we ate for lunch). It was still good! I really love that chicken.

My friend Brannon texted me and told me she brought home a salsa that her husband loved and he was going on about how it was so good it couldn’t possibly be compliant. So she checked the label and it had added sugar in it. And this was a FRESH salsa from WHOLE FOODS, of all places! One of the things I really like (like is the wrong word but... you know) about the Whole30 is it makes you hyper aware of how messed up the food industry is. Why is there sugar in salsa? Why is there sugar in almond milk?

Some of us have been snacking on frozen peach slices and that’s all the sweetness we can handle, thank you very much.

Oh man, while Erik and I were watching that movie there was a scene in a bar and it made us really miss being in a bar. Erik was like, “Let’s just go. Let’s just give up and go get drunk in a bar.” I’ll tell you what, dear reader, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. For a split second, I could picture us there in our favorite neighborhood bar, sitting in a dark booth in the corner smiling because all is right in the world. But I have not come 14 days to give up now. Also, I really like not being hungover at work and I have to go to work tomorrow. Also, I have a cold. But man... that first weekend in February... I’m coming for you, vodka.

(Vodka is made out of potatoes so technically that’s the most compliant liquor I could drink!)

Nyquil time bye.

[whole30problems]

Day 13: 1/13/18

Days 12-15 of the Whole30 are referred to as: “Boundless energy! Now give me a damn Twinkie.”

Hurray! The slump is over! Your pants fit again! Your energy levels are better than normal – you’re downright Tigger the bouncing tiger! But something weird is happening. You’re dreaming. Not crazy nightmare or strange surrealist dreams, either. Incredibly normal and realistic dreams – about donuts. Or Twinkies. Or Snickers. Suddenly, you’re craving things you don’t even like.

All joking aside, though, this phase gets really intense for some people. This is the part of the program where our minds try to drive us back to the comfort of the foods we used to know.

Sounds about right. We’ve entered the phase where we’re reminiscing about our favorite foods and drinks like we’re on death row and never going to taste them again. For me, it’s mostly pumpkin spice lattes and chocolate (although weirdly I’ve been craving tequila, which I don’t usually drink). For Erik, it’s mostly beer and pizza. 

Today was Saturday and we just didn’t have the energy to do anything. Actually energy is the wrong word because I do think we’re more energetic than usual. We don’t have the willpower to do anything. What’s the point? We’re just going to sit around looking at everyone else having fun day drinking and stuffing their faces with cheese.

On that note, here’s what we ate today. At home. On the couch. #whole30.

Breakfast

Erik made a big batch of green juice last night and I had a cup of it for breakfast this morning. Is green juice Whole30 compliant? I don’t even care. It’s a bunch of vegetables. Give me a break.

It tasted like celery. I put on This Is Us and therefore was crying when Erik got home from some extreme athleticism. (It’s probably worth mentioning that unlike me he exercises most mornings. We’re all very impressed.)

Lunch

I ate some leftover unstuffed cabbage roll and forgot to take a picture of it. I also had to clean out the fridge because I put in a new Fresh Direct order for next week’s meals. I’d been feeling like we’d been pretty good about eating leftovers but was shown otherwise when we had to empty out like six tupperwares. Need to do a better job of organizing the fridge and remembering what’s in there.

I thought about making some deviled eggs for a snack but never got around to it because again: what’s the point.

Erik, however, woke up with pizza on his mind and decided to make a paleo pizza for his lunch. (No, paleo and Whole30 are not the same. He is his own man.) I don’t know what recipe he used, but it entailed a cauliflower crust and some vegan cheese made out of nutritional yeast and cashews.

He went to the store to buy all the ingredients he needed, and came back about 45 minutes later empty handed because he forgot his wallet. So he set back out, bought his groceries, carried them home, and then... realized he forgot two ingredients. (I went to the store for those so he wouldn’t have to go three times.)

He slaved away at his pizza for hours and finally emerged with a slice. I watched him bite into it and asked, “Is it good? Does it taste like pizza??”

He said, “Well, the crust is made out of cauliflower, so that part tastes like a combination of cauliflower and garbage. The tomato sauce tastes like tomatoes, so that’s okay. The fake cheese is made out of cashews, so it tastes like cashews. So no, it’s not good and it’s not pizza.”

Here’s what a slice looked like:

He struggled through half of the pizza before giving up and throwing the rest away. Here’s our review of this paleo pizza:

Cost: $30

Time: 4.5 hours

Grocery store trips: 3

Should you make this pizza: no

I didn’t taste it because I’m doing Whole30, not paleo, although I did make a nice little charcuterie plate from his leftover ingredients (prosciutto and mushrooms, and I added some little pickles):

Erik made a joke about how he works really hard to find the loopholes in this diet. “You’re not finding loopholes, you’re just cheating,” I told him. He said, “Yeah, and you think this is EASY?!”

We watched a movie at some point and lamented the fact that we couldn’t eat or drink anything. I can’t remember the last time we watched a movie sober or without popcorn. People just do this regularly??

I will say our general demeanor has been better than usual, even though my Cold of the Century continues to keep me up at night. It’s nice not spending our weekends hungover. I mean, it would be nicer if I could eat some cheese, but it’s pretty nice.

Dinner

I think we maybe discovered this recipe last year during Whole30 but I can’t remember. It’s crispy chicken with beets, olives, artichokes, and lemon:

Super good, and pretty fast/easy, especially because I use canned artichokes, pre-chopped beats, and whole kalamata olives. There’s very little work involved, which is just the way I like it. The other nice thing about it is you don’t have to make a side because there are so many vegetables built in.

Oh, although I did have a minor breakdown when I started cooking because we were missing two ingredients (lard and chicken stock). I made do with ghee and chicken broth, and it was fine, but for a minute I thought we had to go back to the grocery store for the fourth time today. It’s ironic because I was just thinking earlier while I was doing the Fresh Direct order that we’ve had so much less panicky grocery runs this time around. I really hope this is not a harbinger of things to come.

Ummmm what else. I snacked on a frozen peach slice. Well... bye!

[whole30problems]

Day 12: 1/12/18

YUP, STILL GOING. And it’s only been 12 days somehow! I keep having these moments where I’m like “aw this isn’t that hard, we’re already almost done” and then I realize we’re not even halfway through.

We’ve started having deep philosophical conversations about why food matters so much to us, and how empty life feels without it. I mean, we’re still eating, but really without any joy. Even when we make something that tastes good we can’t enjoy it because... it’s not there for fun. It’s there for sustenance until our next meal. And we’re way too aware of that.

I did not have a good night last night. My cold or allergies or whatever it is is back, and I had another night (like a week ago) of tossing and turning because my nose wouldn’t stop running. Finally at 2am Erik got out of bed and got me some Nyquil. I told him I didn’t want to take it because I had to wake up for work in a few hours, but he convincingly argued that waking up in a Nyquil fugue might be better than sniffling myself to death all night. I took it, and then spent the day in a Nyquil fugue. Not great.

Breakfast

I forgot to take a picture but it was sausage, hardboiled eggs, and cucumber. It didn’t taste good and I felt so weak from lack of sleep that I could barely lift my fork up. (My gramma is going to get upset if someone tells her about this - I swear the Whole30 isn’t killing me, I just couldn’t sleep because of my cold. I will be ok!!)

Lunch

I brought leftover unstuffed cabbage roll from last night. It was really good! In the aforementioned good-but-still-not-what-I-want sort of way. My coworkers said it looked good. I think their burritos looked better.

I had a cup of earl grey and a pecan pie Lara Bar. All my coworkers were raving about the new Starbucks Blonde latte, so I tasted the one that my lactose intolerant colleague got with almond milk. It was really good! He poured half in a glass for me. While I was sipping it though, I had some doubts, and googled “Starbucks almond milk.” It turns out the almond milk Starbucks uses has sugar in it :(

Two things:

Yes, almond milk is considered compliant and you’re allowed to put it in your coffee, but only compliant almond milk! According to this angry lady in the Whole30 forums, “Almond milk is compliant if indeed the ONLY ingredients are almonds, water.”

So yeah, I missed up I guess. I texted Erik and asked him what to do. He said if it was him he’d just keep drinking it. I gave it back to my coworker. I know technically I’m supposed to start over at this point, but I don’t believe in that and also I’d literally rather be dead. So we’re gonna just chalk this one up to ignorance and decide that two tiny sips of an almond milk latte is not unacceptable, and everyone’s going to have to deal with that.

My friend Joe is doing the Whole30 for the first time and told me today that he messed up and ate some tuna with soy in it. He asked me if I ever messed up. I told him about the latte but also about the time last year when I had some red wine vinegar with added sulfites and totally freaked out. I just feel like I’m - we’re - doing a LOT here and really trying our best, and I don’t think we need to freak out or feel guilty on top of that, so I’m trying to be a little more relaxed about it this time around. Sometimes I have to remind myself that this is a self-inflicted prison and we are allowed to make the rules.

That reminds me, last night Erik told me he thinks he might be a masochist because he’s always embarking on torturous experiments like this. He’s not a masochist - pretty sure that a masochist would *enjoy* torturing himself, and Erik definitely takes no pleasure from any of this - but it did get me thinking about why we do this kind of thing when no one else seems to bother. Lots of our friends are doing the Whole30 (or at least not drinking this month), but it seems like a lot of you are much more flexible about it and don’t have any qualms about it - almost like you’re doing it for fun. And I don’t know what we’re doing it for... but it certainly doesn’t feel like fun.

N-E-WAY.

Dinner

We ordered Purbird, my old “treat yourself” boring salad. Usually I’d feel pretty good about this decision, but earlier today I found out there’s supposedly a warning out about romaine lettuce because Americans have been getting E. Coli from it. I got my favorite romaine salad anyway, figuring if only 60 Americans have gotten sick from lettuce it’s probably pretty unlikely that I’ll be the next one. (Also, if Purbird is still selling romaine, I can buy it, right?? That’s on them.)

Here is my E. Coli salad:

It was fine, but honestly I’m so tired it didn’t taste like anything and I didn’t care. Also, I just googled it and apparently the E. Coli outbreak is over, so really glad I felt crippling anxiety about that for the last few hours. Thanks, CDC! Always fun hanging out with you.

Oh, I forgot to mention that a bunch of you reached out the other day after I complained about the stupid greens on my carrots! Those were all good ideas, but realistically I will probably throw them in the garbage. Please keep the tips coming though - even if I don’t use them it makes me feel so much less alone.

I’m going to try to go to sleep now. If I can’t sleep two nights in a row, I can’t realistically be expected to keep meal planning, cooking, and dieting, right? Surely not. Don’t call me Shirley. Goodbye.

[whole30problems]

Day 11: 1/11/18

Erik finally bought into the hype of those Aztec clay masks (a side effect of working at Buzzfeed, I guess) so we’re currently sitting here with clay on our faces. This is just what you do when you’re on the Whole30 and you can’t fill any of your time with drinking. When he finished putting his mask on (it’s green), he said “Somebody stop me!” You know, like The Mask. The 1994 classic that everybody is still quoting. (To be fair, it does look just like The Mask.)

I’m finally feeling skinny again! That was a nice thing about today.

Breakfast

I had a sausage with scrambled eggs, and dumped some leftover GREEN BEAST DRESSING on the eggs from last night. It was good, but I think what I’m really craving is the tangy green salsa I used to eat with my breakfast last year (this dressing is good but it just doesn’t really have the same zing to it). Gotta pick up more of that stuff.

Lunch

I declined to bring my mediocre salad from last night for lunch today. I mean, sometimes you gotta treat yourself right? Like to a different mediocre salad, made by someone else. That’s right. I got a Sweetgreen Guacamole Greens salad. (First person to tell me there’s sugar in their dressing gets punched in the g-d face. I googled it. Found no sugar. If there is sugar, don’t tell me.)

Anyway, it was fine. I didn’t take a picture of it because I was in a meeting and it seemed disruptive to start taking pictures of my salad. But it looks like this:

Kinda.

I wasn’t super hungry later in the day but I was making an effort not to have caffeinated tea after lunch because I feel like it’s been keeping me up at night (also because I’m all about breaking those bad habits, and I don’t think I’ll ever have afternoon energy if I’m always relying on caffeine), so I think I was craving snacks just because I wanted something. I had an unsatisfying Lara Bar (they’re already starting to taste too sweet to me) at some point.

I also had some chamomile mint tea, thinking that maybe I just needed something hot, but nope. I was joking around with my coworker about how herbal tea tastes like hot pond water, and then got a text from Erik that he too was drinking a dumb herbal tea. This, my friends, is what we call #whole30problems.

Dinner

I came home and snacked on some leftover green beans from my pork and green beans lunch the other day (Monday? Tuesday? can’t remember), and then got right to work on dinner! No rest for the weary, am I right.

Luckily, I made a pretty easy thing, which is why I get to go to bed at 10 tonight instead of 11. (I’m very excited to get into bed.) It’s unstuffed cabbage roll!

I think we’ve been eating this one even before our Whole30 days. It’s so simple and so good - just ground beef, cabbage, tomatoes, and some onions/garlic. Also, it makes a ton of servings, which I am all about.

This meal (and the potsticker thing the other night) reminded me how much I love a bowl full of ground meat. It just makes everything so delicious. Erik always used to make fun of me because any time he’d ask me what I was in the mood to cook, I’d think carefully about it and then go “Hmm... something with like meat, cheese, and tomatoes.” Those are just my flavors. I’m Italian at heart.

This was a very boring entry and I apologize for that. But I challenge you to try and write about boring food for 30 days (ok, 11 days) without it getting boring. Jesus, it’s only day 11. Bye I’m going to sleep now.

[whole30problems]

Day 10: 1/10/18

Still tired today. I didn’t feel quite as worn down at work as yesterday - I was pretty clear headed and felt like I was able to focus throughout the day - but my body just feels so tired. Weirdly, I think the problem I’m having this time around is that I actually did have a relatively healthy lifestyle before January. Sure, I was drinking Pumpkin Spice Lattes every day and I gained like 20 lbs throughout the year, but I had been drinking way less alcohol all year than I did before my first Whole30, and more importantly I had been going to bed every night - no joke - at like 9pm.

And now, because I have to cook a homemade dinner every night with 25 fresh ingredients, I’m staying up until 11 or so. Which is a bummer because I love sleep (and especially going to sleep early). But I think I’m struggling a little more with the exhaustion a little more this time around because prior to our last Whole30, I was a MESS. Not sleeping enough, drinking daily (and often too much), eating really unhealthy. So I think Whole30 back then really felt like a cleanse. And now it feels like just a slightly different cleanse than I was doing in normal life, but like with less sleep?

I have to find a way to sleep more. But until then: here’s what I ate today.

Breakfast

This one’s for you, friends.

This is one of my old go-tos: hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, salt and pepper, and chives. Can’t beat it. If you didn’t know this already, one of the best things about Whole30 is you can have as much salt as you want. I don’t really know why I’d miss anything when there is salt.

Lunch

I had leftover potsticker stir fry and it was ALMOST as good as last night. Really good hearty lunch though. I probably (ok definitely) ate too big of a serving, but whatever. No counting calories on the Whole30!

While we were eating lunch, my coworkers were talking about my blog. Specifically, the ugly food pictures on my blog. I’m not mad because I know it’s true. One of them was trying to give me tips for taking better food photos. “No no,” I said, “That’s not the point. I don’t care if it looks unappetizing. I don’t care if no one else ever wants to do Whole30. I just need everyone to know how miserable I am the whole month.” If you’re looking for a Whole30 inspiration blog, try Pinterest or like any other Whole30 blog. This is real life, over here. The food doesn’t look good and I’m tired and I do not care how dirty my kitchen gets.

Similarly, last night my friend Greg texted me to tell me how much all of my food looks like it sucks. Guys. Sometimes art makes people uncomfortable.

Ooh, here’s something notable! I just realized today was the first day I didn’t snack at ALL in between meals. Damn, that’s a good feeling. I know I still have Tiger Blood energy to look forward to, but the real magic for me is not being hungry in between meals. It’s like a magic power. I even had an apple and Lara bars sitting on my desk, and it didn’t even occur to me to eat them.

Magic.

Dinner

My darling husband had just started the dishwasher when I got home and started working on dinner, and there was a bunch of stuff in there I needed like measuring cups and the blade for the food processor, so I had to just prep very slowly while I waited for it to finish up. I made a cobb salad with Nom Nom Paleo’s Green Beast Dressing:

Not gonna lie, this was pretty depressing. (Also yes I realize this photo looks like it was taken in a fun house mirror. I don’t know what happened. That’s a salad though.)

The dressing is really good but had a TON of ingredients in it so just felt like a lot of work. And the salad, unlike others I’ve had recently that feel very tied together and delicious, just felt like a bunch of random ingredients that didn’t really do anything for each other. Or for me.

I had a snack of one mini pickle after dinner.

Tomorrow I’m going to a meeting where everyone is ordering in Sweetgreen, and I think I’m just going to bring leftovers of this dumb salad because I’m too worried that Sweetgreen salads have hidden sugar in them. I’M NOT ABOUT TO GIVE UP NOW!

This just in. My friend Melissa (who is one of many friends who are also doing Whole30 right now) just messaged me and said, among other things:

Last night I made spaghetti squash with a veggie-filled tomato sauce. This is a meal I eat regularly but it seemed so sad and unsatisfying last night. Is whole30 supposed to make everything sadder?

Welcome to my world, Melissa. No, I really do think it makes normal meals feel unsatisfying (at least until you hit TIGER BLOOD and realize you’ve evolved past food, and then you can’t even remember what satisfying food tastes like) because it’s still part of the larger process of depriving yourself. I feel the same way - I really do like meals I usually make by choice less, because I know I can’t really have anything better.

What else? My pants still felt tight today. That shit better be over tomorrow.

Erik says he’s having occasional moments of energy, which is good, but he wants you to know that his general misery is still vastly outweighing any benefits he’s experiencing. He is currently bothering me by threatening to eat a pizza on February 1st. Good night.

[whole30problems]

Day 9: 1/9/18

Today was the first day since starting Whole30 that I felt really tired. Had a tough time getting out of bed, getting out of the house, and getting through the day. I think it’s just because I stayed up too late last night, but hoping this is a temporary exhaustion that’ll go away soon. Oh man - I also felt fat again today. But this is normal on days 8-9 so I’m not overthinking it. The Hartwigs™ call this phase “For the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER.” Kill me.

This morning Erik was complaining about something food or gym related (I forget which) and I told him to get over himself. He said “HONEY. I swear I will never. NEVER. get over myself.”

Our Fresh Direct order showed up at 6:15 while we were still asleep. One of the things about Fresh Direct is when you have a 6-8am window, they either show up at 8 so we’re late to work or they show up at 6 when we have no idea what’s going on. Our fridge is now, um, very full:

I tried to organize it with snacks visible and easily reachable on the top shelf for the next time Erik is starving.

Oh! One of the things that came in the mail yesterday was a new bottle of fish sauce. It turns out that fresh fish sauce smells just as bad as rotten fish sauce, so confirmed that we were not poisoning ourselves last week! Phew.

Breakfast

The good news is I ate something different this morning. The bad news is that it’s no more appetizing than my usual meal:

That’s avocados and hardboiled eggs, which I used to eat like every day last Whole30. I messed up the ratio the first time I ate this (it’s supposed to be 4 eggs and half an avocado, and I made it with two eggs and a whole avocado) and just kind of kept making it that way because I am gross. I topped it this morning with some chicken and apple sausage because I didn’t want to just eat a bowl of avocado mush, but that was a grave error because I basically just ate several servings of straight up cholesterol. (I don’t think this helped my energy level today.)

Erik asked why I put sausage on top of it and I had to explain that I’m just terrible at mixing foods together. I just have no idea what will taste good together or how to round out a meal. It’s one of my only flaws.

I read this thing on my way to work which wants to know, should you buy a Whole30 starter kit (for $85, plus the cost of membership to this health food site, which costs $60)? No. No you should not. Be a grownup and spend multiple days tracking down an ounce of coconut aminos like a REAL MAN.

Lunch

I brought 900 lbs of green beans and some leftover pork for lunch. (I didn’t finish the green beans and figure they will be a nice snack tomorrow.) One of my coworkers was eating a vegan cheeseburger for lunch and kept saying she was jealous of my meat & veggie lunch. I urged her to join me in Whole30 hell and see if she still wanted to eat meat & veggies. No but really - one nice thing about this diet is that you get to eat dinner for lunch, which is my favorite thing. I love me a hearty lunch.

Another one of my coworkers was eating some vegan sweet potato mac & cheese that he said was really good. He offered me a little taste of the vegan cheese, which I guess might be compliant since it’s made out of sweet potato, but I pulled my nose out of his bowl and politely refused.

I had some earl grey tea after lunch (it is still cold in my office), and at some point snacked on the leftover avocado/egg abomination that I couldn’t manage to finish this morning.

I went out for a coffee with one of my friends (I just got an ice water...) and he told me he thought he might be accidentally doing the Whole30. He’s not drinking this month and he’s been avoiding dairy and carbs and sugar because he wants to figure out what’s making him feel not great and get rid of it in his diet. Which is exactly what the Whole30 is for! I lectured him about legumes but I think he’s going to stick with his variation of the diet, which he calls the Three-Quarters 30.

He also mentioned that he had been reading my blog and said the gist appears to be that I like doing this and Erik doesn’t. Yeah I think that’s about right.

Dinner

I thought it would be nice to have some pork for a change (seriously, just kill me). So we made this potsticker stir fry, which I thought would be hard to make for some reason but which was really quick and REALLY delicious.

It’s ground pork, carrots, shallots, scallions, napa cabbage, and I forget what else. A bunch of spices and sauces. I think this’ll be one of my new go-tos.

Oops, I just looked at our menu for the week and remembered I was supposed to make roasted carrots. I will... maybe make them tomorrow. Fresh Direct sent carrots with about 20 feet of greens still on them and I don’t understand why anyone would want that. Erik said maybe it’s so you feel like they’re fresh out of the garden. “If I wanted them fresh out of the garden, I WOULD HAVE MY OWN GARDEN, WOULDN’T I,” I calmly responded. I told you I am tired and grouchy. But seriously. Why.

I’ve been eating a single frozen peach once in a while after after dinner for a little treat. Erik is a little more ambitious and made these no-bake coconut tahini cashew bars, which promised to be “the approved treat that will keep you sane.” He was furiously not-baking when I got home from work. After dinner he ate one of them and said it tasted like frozen almond butter. I asked if it was worth me trying a bite and he said no and then continued sadly eating it.

Hey guess what, it’s day 9. I can’t believe it’s only Tuesday.

I would really like to eat a grilled cheese sandwich.

[whole30problems]

Day 8: 1/8/18

A couple more of my friends have started doing the Whole30! Little do they know the hell they’re signing up for. Jk guys you’ll love it!

Tonight after dinner we were sitting around and Erik said, “Did you hear I announced my retirement from the Whole30?” (I don’t know where I was supposed to have heard this.) I asked him what that meant. He said, “This is my last Whole30. Then I’m retiring forever.” I reminded him that he doesn’t have to do this Whole30. He said, “Yes I do, because it’s my last Whole30.”

Breakfast

I switched things up and had hardboiled eggs, sausage, cucumbers, AND some little pickles. I’ll spare you the photo.

Lunch

I was supposed to make a potato and kale salad for lunch this morning (I planned it for today because we had some potatoes left over from a meal last week), but when I was looking for the leftovers in the fridge Erik told me he ate the potatoes. Luckily, I always have the ingredients on hand (Whole30 or no Whole 30; it’s my favorite 2 minute meal) to make this paleo lemon tahini tuna salad. It’s so easy, it has like 3 ingredients, and it tastes really good either over mixed greens OR mixed vegetables (which I happen to always have in easily microwavable frozen bags in my freezer), so it’s always my backup when I don’t have something else to eat. My favorite is to eat it over microwaves broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots. Yum.

Today I had it over mixed spring greens for lunch!

I ate at my desk again. I’d been thinking recently this was because I have so much work to do (which is true), but I realized today it’s also part of that whole process where food just doesn’t consume as much of my time or energy anymore. Usually I spend probably an hour on lunch - figuring out what to eat, picking it up, eating it and then picking at it and thinking about eating dessert and then having some caffeine to wake me back up - but now it literally doesn’t seem worth interrupting my workday for. I ate this in probably 10 minutes, wasn’t hungry anymore, and just kept going (wide awake by the way, no post-lunch caffeine needed).

I have still been having the occasional earl grey tea in the afternoons, but I think that’s more because it’s cold in the office than because I need caffeine (so, yeah, I should probably switch to caffeine-free).

I had a cherry pie Lara Bar around 5, which was way too sweet and I think maybe I’m done with the Lara Bars. It also made me realize that I think I’m still having snacks between meals out of habit instead of real hunger; I didn’t even really want the second half but powered through because I’m so scared of getting hungry on my way home before dinner.

Dinner

This was a real easy Whole30 day, lemme tell you. For dinner, we made an egg drop soup that ACTUALLY only took the 5 minutes we were promised. This is a terrible picture, but we sauteed some of the leftover pork from yesterday to crisp it up and put that and some scallions and some cilantro in our soup:

There’s pork in there I promise. The actual “egg drop” part was kind of a wash - I don’t think we did it right - but this tasted good and was relatively filling because of the added pork.

That said, I walked into the kitchen after dinner and Erik was in there pouring dried apple slices into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days. He has this thing we call his raccoon face which is the face he makes when he’s caught hiding in a corner eating food like a starving animal. He made his raccoon face when I came in and then got an apple stem caught in his mouth and made the saddest face. I tried to feed him other real food but he declined.

I swear I don’t think he’s actually starving to death, I’m pretty sure he’s just dramatic, but I’ll continue trying to get him to eat more calories. He told me towards the end of the day that he was hungry and I asked if he had any snacks at work and he said “a few nuts.”

I just interrupted him now to ask him if he’s still hungry (he’s stretched out on the couch reading a Bukowski book; he is insufferable) and he said no. I said “I thought you said you were starving.” He said not anymore. I suggested maybe it’s that thing where he’s not giving his stomach enough time to realize it’s full but it actually is full. He laughed really hard and said “YEAH, I’m sure that’s it.”

A new cookbook arrived today. It’s the Whole30 Fast & Easy Cookbook (allegedly). I will let you know how it is.

[whole30problems]

Day 7: 1/7/18

I cheated a little bit and weighed myself this morning (you’re not supposed to until the 30 days are over, to avoid obsessing about “dieting” and weight loss instead of eating healthy). But I’ve just been feeling so skinny and wanted to see if it was all in my head.

I weighed myself in the bathroom and started laughing hysterically because it said 122.3 (literally impossible - if you recall I weighed 144.1 6 days ago). Then I brought it out onto the hardwood floor in the living room and tried again and it said I weighed 139. That makes a lot more sense. But still! Already down 5 lbs. I love Whole30.

That said, yeah, I’m really f-ing sick of the Whole30. I stayed in bed until 9:30 this morning (usually get up by 6 or 7) just because I was dreading cooking breakfast so much. Obviously that doesn’t really help - if I’d gotten up I would have been done in half an hour - but what can you do.

Breakfast

My friend Jen was texting me about her Whole30 breakfast (sweet potatoes, collard greens, and eggs) which looked pretty good. I’ll share a pic of hers because I avoided breakfast for so long that I just ended up eating lunch.

I had some earl grey tea and thought about making breakfast.

Lunch

Finally, I think around 1, I gave up on breakfast and reheated some chicken from the other day and ate it with leftover green beans.

Not exactly a balanced meal, but that’s what weekends are for! My sister came over and we had some tea.

I keep forgetting to share this story, but Erik tried to make pickled eggs again the other day. I say “tried” because he walked into the room the next day and told me he was unsuccessful. “What do you mean?” I asked. “How do you mess up pickled eggs?” He said he cooked the hardboiled eggs weird and he spent an hour trying to peel them and decided they’re impossible to peel. “If you can peel them, you’re welcome to eat them,” he said. Okay.

Oh man, I almost forgot this too: Erik and a couple of his friends went to a “tea house” (his words, not mine) today and sat around drinking tea. He sent me a picture of them drinking tea and said “Just 3 guys sitting around being bored:”

Speaking of being sober and boring: one thing I always remember during January of Strength (sober January, which we’ve been doing for years before we started Whole30) is that I actually think I’m *more* pleasant to be around when I’m sober. All year I feel this need to drink constantly when I’m hanging out with people because I think I’m not fun otherwise, but like - I’m so energetic and happy right now, I think it makes me an ACTUALLY more fun person, vs just thinking I’m more fun because I’m drunk.

Anyway, Erik came home from that and broke his juicer out (I bought it for him 5 or 6 years ago because at the time he was very confident that juicing was his new thing. He has used it I think twice). He bought a ton of vegetables and slaved over a green juice. I say “a” green juice because it did not occur to him to ask me or my sister if we would like some green juice. Here is the single serving of green juice he made with his 10 lbs of vegetables:

I tasted it. It was pretty good!

I made my trusty summer salad for, um, second lunch:

Yummy. That’s tomatoes, hearts of palm, avocado, tuna, cilantro, green onions, and an olive oil lime dressing. I could eat this stuff every day forever.

I snacked on some leftover sweet potatoes while my sister ate a bag of popcorn. It’s cool, I’ve evolved past popcorn. She also ordered a burrito for dinner and that’s when Erik lost his mind and sank into a deep, dark depression. We had to ask her to cancel the order because - well, I won’t speak for him, but I don’t think he could have physically survived being in the same room as a burrito.

Dinner

Erik and I popped some pork in the Instant Pot - oh wait, let me back up. Because we bought a 5lb pork shoulder roast. And when we opened it up to pop it in the Instant Pot, we realized IT SKILL HAD THE SKIN ON IT.

WE HAD TO SLICE THE SKIN OF OFF SOMEONE. (Now is a good time to remember I was 90% vegetarian until 7 days ago.) I started gagging and had to leave the room while Erik cut the skin off someone’s shoulder. Ugh. I do wish now that I had had the presence of mind to take a picture of it, because man, when pork has its skin on it, it just looks like a shoulder.

Anyway, we forged ahead and popped it in the Instant Pot for this kalua pig recipe. Can we talk about the Instant Pot for a sec? Because Erik and I do. not. get the hype. Yes, it takes less time to cook something, but did you know it has to pressurize for 15 minutes before it starts cooking, and then when it’s done it has to depressurize for an indeterminate amount of time? Maybe we’re doing something wrong, but this is the third time we’ve used it and the third time that depressurizing has taken an hour. (The millionth time he got up check on it, Erik said “Ok, back to my full time job, checking on the Instant Pot.”)

I do understand the convenience theoretically of something cooking more quickly, but the truth is it is not hard at all to throw something in 8 hours early, especially when you’re meal planning like a Whole30 fiend. At least after the 8 hours you just get to eat it. You know how much it sucks to wait 2 hours, THEN have to wait ANOTHER hour when you thought you’d already be eating?

Dumb.

We did finally get the pork out of there though (that’s cabbage in the bowl with it; how many times do I have to tell you I’m not a professional food photographer). We fed Charlie some of the bone marrow (you know, ”pig juice”) as a special treat and I don’t think he’ll ever be happy with normal dog treats again.

The pork was fine. It was a big bowl of pork. I’m not sure what else I imagined. I’ve been trying to be cool about the whole meat thing but that pork skin really got to me. I also realized that Erik ate the leftover potatoes I was going to use in my lunch tomorrow, which means I think I’m having pork again for lunch :(

Otherwise, here’s what we’re eating this week (except I’m sure that I’ll be too lazy to cook half of these things like I was last week!):

Oh god, I’m eating pork for like the next 5 meals. And then... cabbage for the rest of them. I don’t know how this happens. Definitely dreading cooking all of these things but I’ll just hope my outlook is sunnier tomorrow.

We have our Fresh Direct order coming on Tuesday morning and I honestly don’t know how it’s going to fit in the fridge with all of Erik’s leftover vegetables in there. Maybe I can make a salad out of those for lunch tomorrow. Sigh.

[whole30problems]

Day 6: 1/6/18

I asked Erik when we woke up what he wanted for breakfast and he informed me that he was fasting until noon because he’s doing some kind of hybrid Whole30/Keto thing. I told him I didn’t think that was a good idea but he decided to move forward.

I was working throughout the morning anyway, so I just waited until noon to feed both of us (seriously, my appetite is so reduced, like in a good way). Which is why for once we had.....

Brunch!

I finally made the Sunnyside Salad I’ve been meaning to make all week. It was SO easy - took like five minutes - and was one of those magical recipes that for taste so much better than it has any right to. (I think the reason is actually that whole salt-fat-acid-heat thing.)

MMM. The eggs are cooked extra crispy on the outside with the yolks still runny, and something about the eggs mixing together with the balsamic vinegar drizzled on top gives it this really rich, almost creamy texture. It was delightful.

Erik was still hungry though, so we snacked on leftover pork chops and guacamole from the past couple days. (I asked him if he wanted pork and guacamole. He said “Yes, but I don’t want like... guacamole on my pork, if that’s what you’re asking.” Yes, I said, I thought I would make you a sandwich out of pork chops and guacamole, is that not a good idea???)

I did our meal planning for next week and was very proud of myself for doing it ahead of time, until I went to place my Fresh Direct order and they said they couldn’t deliver until TUESDAY. MORNING. So we had to take a trip to the grocery store to get everything for the next couple days. (I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gone to grocery stores in the last week, but maybe someone else is keeping track.)

Anyway while I was doing all of that stuff, Erik took it upon himself to make some homemade ghee. He got upset the other day at the grocery store that he saw a little jar of ghee cost $10 (it’s stupid expensive), so we bought a pound of cheap butter for $4 and he made his own. (Update: while I was typing this, he said, “You know what we should really do - wait until butter’s on sale. THEN you’ll have some really cheap ghee. Maybe I should start selling it!”) I haven’t tried it yet but I assume it will taste like ghee?

Here’s a dramatic reenactment of the process:

What else happened today? I did feel a little tired - and I suppose that could be because I was sitting around working on my computer most of the day - but I talked to my sister at some point and she read a tweet to me from the Whole30 Twitter that involved the phrase “Are you SO DANG TIRED today?”

Oh, I made some “buffalo cauliflower things”:

They actually do, shockingly, kind of taste like buffalo wings. You batter them up with arrowroot powder and then bake them so they get brown and crispy. I had to make “buffalo sauce” out of ghee, hot sauce, apple juice, and lemon juice (?) but it smelled and tasted just like the real thing. Again: I don’t understand how food works.

Dinner

On our way to the grocery store, I started getting kind of... what’s the adjective for when you’re having cravings? I don’t know, but I think I was craving like a PSL or a hot toddy or something wintery and comforting. When we got home, I heated up a cup of apple cider. It was delicious and comforting at first but honestly by the end of the cup I had kind of a sugar headache. Splurging on things like apple cider during the Whole30 is kind of like that book about quitting smoking that doesn’t let you stop smoking cigarettes until you finish reading the book. Like, technically I can have sugary things, but they immediately make me feel so bad that I just don’t want them anymore.

For dinner we treated ourselves (to not cooking) and ordered in my classic fave, Purbird. I was doing something when the food arrived so asked Erik to take a picture of the food without capturing too much of the crap on our coffee table in the photo. This was his best effort:

Hello, it’s us, the food bloggers. What’s that bowl of mush on the side, you’re wondering?

WELL. When I was ordering the food, Erik got his usual half-a-chicken. Normally he gets it with a side of honey mustard sauce, and when he realized he couldn’t do that this time, he crumbled. I started listing things he could put on his chicken (hot sauce, veggie sides, pesto, lemon juice, stir fry sauce, etc etc) and finally suggested that he make his own mustard sauce. We looked up “Whole30 honey mustard sauce” and he whipped up the (way too many servings of) the monstrosity you see above. It uses dates instead of honey for the sweetener and for some reason has an olive oil base. He said it tasted like olive oil, which makes sense.

My salad was great, though!

Oh, let’s talk about the La Croix pictured here. As I’ve mentioned before, Erik drinks La Croix by the case when he’s not drinking alcohol, in an effort to mimic the feeling of sitting on the couch drinking can after can of beer. I tried one today (tangerine flavor) and really don’t understand what anyone sees in it. It just tastes like lightly flavored carbonated water, which I guess is what it is. Hmm I thought I had something interesting to say about La Croix but I guess I don’t, after all.

I dunno, we bought a bunch of groceries today and cooked a bunch of stuff and ate it. I forgot to take a picture of my whiteboard with our meals on it but will share that tomorrow. 

(If I seem tired it’s because it’s 10:17 so my brain shut down 17 minutes ago.)

[whole30problems]

Day 5: 1/5/18

Something weird is going on. I don’t know if it’s because I started eating healthier a little earlier than day 1 (I think the last time I had a drink, for example, was a few days before New Year’s), but for whatever reason all the Whole30 stages this time around seem to be happening sooner than they are supposed to.

I feel extremely energetic (all my coworkers can attest to this) and had some moments that felt distinctly like tiger blood throughout the day today. Extra energy isn’t supposed to happen until like day 12, and tiger blood isn’t supposed to show up until day 16 (and I know this is accurate because I remember these things showing up like clockwork last time around).

So I don’t know what’s up, but I’m certainly not complaining, because it really feels this time around like all this diet is doing is making me feel great. I don’t feel especially thin yet, but I will say my jeans were noticeably less tight when I put them on this morning. So. There’s that.

Breakfast

I will not insult you by showing you another picture of hardboiled eggs and sausage, but I ate them with tomatoes this morning. It was a nice breakfast. Let’s move on.

Lunch

I had leftover chicken from last night along with some green beans I microwaved before work. I ate at my desk because I’m very busy and important:

I only ate half of my lunch because along with or maybe because of the extra energy I haven’t been feeling like I need portions that are as big for any of my meals. I figured I would finish it later in the day.

I will say one thing that seems like it’s right on time (somehow, simultaneously to my advance symptoms) is the random rage. I don’t even remember what triggered it today, but something at work made me suddenly and confusingly angry (I don’t even think it was something directly related to me). I had to take a second and take some deep breaths and then I was fine, but it was a weird moment because - I mean, not gonna say I’m not usually a rage-filled person, but usually my rage has really direct and clear targets.

I snacked on the rest of my kale chips. I also, feeling adventurous, got a tall Starbucks coffee with some almond milk. It was a tiny step up from the black coffee I tasted the other day, but I think I’m done with the coffee experiment because I realized within a couple sips that I really was not in need of any extra energy. You know that feeling, when you know if you have one more ounce of caffeine you will lose it? That - just with 99% of the caffeine coming from my tiger blood.

Anyway, the almond milk in my coffee kicked off a lengthy conversation with my coworkers about why some things are allowed on the Whole30 and some aren’t. I’ve had this conversation so many times with so many people at this point I can’t really remember what we talked about, but I vaguely remember explaining (poorly, I’m sure) why legumes are bad. Something about a chemical in them that makes you get less nutrients? Look at me, I’m a nutritionist and also totally a person who understands why I am extreme dieting.

Another friend of mine told me today he’s starting Whole30 next week, and he was asking for advice and recipes. He sent me this, which looks very delicious and totally compliant despite how good and hearty it appears to be (so I’m sure there’s some reason I’m not allowed to eat it), and said he’s looking forward to eating more fruit because he likes fruit. I sadly and snootily informed him that you are not actually supposed to eat a lot of fruit on the Whole30. “That makes no sense,” he protested. “There’s no way eating apples is bad for me!”

So I explained that the Whole30 isn’t really a traditional diet that tries to make you lose weight or get your cholesterol down or whatever else diets usually do; it’s intended to change your habits. If you eat an apple every day, you’re just going to use something else (usually something worse) to keep feeding that sugar craving when you’re done with the Whole30. So if you’re eating fruit occasionally to supplement your healthy meals, that’s ok, but if you’re eating fruit every day because it’s a replacement for sugary snacks, that’s not ok. See, doesn’t that make sense? I asked him. Isn’t the Whole30 great and inspiring?

“bleghghghgghghghghghgghgh,“ he said and stopped responding to me.

Tiger blood

If you’re not familiar, tiger blood is the thing that makes you feel like a superhero when you’re a couple weeks into the Whole30. Its official definition:

Energy is through the roof, cravings are under control, clothes are fitting better, workouts are stronger.

Like I said, I’ve been feeling amazing for the last couple days - wide awake, energetic, productive - and today I felt like I really crossed over the line into eerily clear headed. There was a moment where I was working on a problem with a couple coworkers and it was like I zoomed in, Beautiful Mind style, and just figured everything out while they were fading into the background behind me. They noticed and started making Limitless jokes.

I really wonder if I could have solved that problem otherwise.

Dinner

I haven’t really been craving alcohol at all, but it’s been a really long week and towards the end of my work day I said (indignantly, to no one in particular): “I cannot believe I don’t get to go home and drink wine after this.” It does feel weird to be home on a Friday night not drinking. What do people do on Fridays if not drink?

I stayed at work til around 7, and kept getting annoyed at the gnawing hunger I felt coming on. I couldn’t figure out why I could possibly be hungry and then realized that a) it was almost dinner time, and b) I forgot to eat the other half of my lunch.

When I got home, Erik was working on these salt & pepper pork chops with a side of sweet potatoes with tahini-parsley sauce:

He was annoyed because neither one came out crispy enough, but these were both honestly delicious. I don’t understand how those pork chops taste so good - all they have on them is salt & pepper and they’re “breaded” with potato starch. And the sweet potatoes continue to be one of my favorite Whole30 snacks. So good.

If this post didn’t make any sense it’s because my Whole30 sleeping superpowers have returned and my entire body shuts down automatically at 10pm. I’m writing this in my sleep. When you’re doing the Whole30, Friday is basically just a second Monday. Goodnight!