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[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 18

AN: For my American readers, hope you all had a lovely Independence Day, for my Canadian readers hope you had a great Canada day, and to everyone else hope you had a perfectly normal weekend. Enjoy!

Harry's POV

Sharp pain.

Confusion.

Shouting.

Screams.

My name.

Someone is yelling my name.  They're close to me.  Their voice is shrill, panicked. Pain flares again.

I let my eyes drift shut for a moment. This confusion, this chaos is familiar. I remember it now. Yes, yes I can feel the arid wind, the sharp sand hitting me in my face. My shoulders roll. The tactical gear feels lighter than it did when I last put it on.

Screeching music, a cacophony of instruments flares into my mind. That doesn’t quite belong here. That woman's voice screams again, that doesn’t belong here either.

My eyes open again. I see red, red carpet, red curtains, red blood.  Red blood on a white shirt.

My eyes close, yes there's the smell of burning rubber. The other guys laughing in the distance.

Screeching music again.

I open my eyes. A beautiful face wavers in front of mine, worried.

I'm in London, not back there, not the battlefield. The gunshots were here.  My brain wraps around the thought. I focus again.

Someone is trying to lift me, they need to get me out of here. ''Go, go go. Protocol delta. Secure jarhead.''

''I'm here. I'm awake.'' I say, firmly. Using some of my own power to get me to my feet.

''Noted sir.'' The RPO responds. My mind immediately registers that it's not James.

''Agent Parker?''  I ask, in reference to James. He's usually the closest to me. And I know he was nearby.  The RPO hesitates. ''Don't make me repeat myself.''

We're walking quickly through the theater. My RPOs are huddled around me. The hallways are empty, eerily quiet. Faintly I can still hear the commotion inside.

''He was hit sir.''

''Fuck.'' My stomach drops. ''Where?''

''Sir, with all due respect I need to get you into the secured vehicle so you can get to the hospital.''

We're still walking quickly but I'm sure the RPO doesn’t like that I'm distracting him. He has orders. Orders specifically to get me to the car and then the hospital as quickly and safely as possible. The soldier in me respects that.  ''Fine.''

A large black SUV is waiting for us near one of the side entrances. Already there is a heavy police presence. I vault myself into the plush interior.  A few RPOs follow me.  It's tense. I can feel all the adrenaline rolling off each of the men. The one sitting nearest to me applies pressure to my shoulder. I wince.

''We're secure. En route.''

I glance down, noticing the blood again. Then I look at the hand still holding tightly to my upper arm. In that moment pain begins to pulse.  I meet the Agent's focused gaze confusion written on my face.

''Sir, you've been shot.''

''Fucking hell.'' I groan. ''How bad?''

''I can feel the bullet, but it's shallow. Doctors should have it out in no time.''

''So just a flesh wound.'' I reply dryly.

A few of the agents chuckle at my response. My guess is that most of them are ex-military. All of us have probably seen worse.

I let my head rest against the seat back.  

Now that the initial shock is wearing off.  I try to remember the incident. There was a woman screaming, yes. If I was shot…my face pales. There's a good chance that Jane could be as well. ''The Duchess of Sussex?''

''Perfectly fine sir. She was not harmed. She'll be waiting at the hospital.''

Good. Good.

I go back to my memories. The last thing before the shot was a solo. My head spins, it was Lou.  She was the one dancing on stage. And the shooter was on stage. She was close, the closest, to the shooter.   I swallow a lump in my throat, unsure if I'll be able to get out this next question. ''Was anyone else shot, besides James?''

''Early report on the radio is that there's one fatality, a dancer for the company.''

''Name?'' I choke out. ''What's the fucking name?'' I scream, when the answer doesn’t come quickly enough.

''Unconfirmed sir.''

She could be dead. Nausea washes over me. She was in my arms hours ago.  I held her as she napped, quietly, peacefully.  Her skin was smooth and soft. And now it's cold and stiff. I gag, and then heave into a proffered plastic bag.

Our vehicle pulls up and the men are once again all business.  I'm wavering, stumbling as the RPOs maneuver me onto a gurney.  I can see the concern on their faces. Logically I know I'm going into shock and they can all see it.

I call out, ''I need to know.''

''Your Royal Highness, I'm Doctor Declare, we're going to put you under-''

''Please, give me her name. I don't want to go out without knowing. Tell me.''

''We need to stabilize him.''

''Please, don't, not yet, I need to see her.  I love her.''

''The Duchess is fine, sir.'' The doctor calmly repeats to me before calling out more instructions.

I don't have the energy to tell them that I don't care. She's not the one I want.  I need Lou. I need to know she's safe.

I can feel myself drifting, the drugs are working. I need to know she's safe.

I need to know Lou's alive.

I need know Lou's alive.

I need Lou's alive.

Lou's alive.

….Lou.

Beeping wakes me up. My eyes fly open, the first searing thought is Lou. Instinctively I lean forward to move. ''Holy fuck.'' I yell, pain whisks through my shoulder.

''Harry!'' I recognize Jane's voice immediately. I try to hide the agonizing disappointment that hits me like a ton of bricks. She's sitting in a chair in the corner, in a pair of leggings and a long shirt.  From my position on the bed I can tell she's tired, worried. If I was a good man I would appreciate those feelings. Now though it just pisses me off. ''Thank god you're awake. We were so worried.''

''We?''

''Your family is here.'' She says as she leans against my bed. Her hand caressing my cheek. ''It's so good to see your eyes.  They said you went into shock when you got to the hospital.''

''I'm fine.'' I reassure her. I'm feeling so restless. ''But I have questions.''

''Questions?'' She bites her lip. ''You're still recovering, do you really think it's best-''

''I have a damn arm wound, I wasn’t bleeding out for Christ's sake.'' I yell, instantly feeling like a cad. ''Shit, I'm sorry.  I just-''

''It's fine, I uh, understand. I'll get William.''

''Thank you.'' She starts walking away. ''And thank you for staying.''

That brings a small smile to her face. She is so easy to please.

William comes in shortly. I can see the relief on his face, ''Thank God. When we heard.  God.'' He leans down to capture me in a hug.  His voice is rough with some emotion. ''Early reports were so brief.  We were so afraid.''

''I'm sure.  But I'm fine, really.  I have questions.''

''Questions?''

''I need to know what happened.''  Will looks away, unable to meet my eyes. ''I'll be fine.''

With a deep sigh he nods. ''Okay.''

''My RPOs said that there was a dancer shot…'' I can't seem to be able to finish the question. I let it hang there, uncomfortable. Honestly, I don't know if I want the answer.

''Yes, the shooter was a dancer in the company. She specifically targeted the royal box it seems. '' Will pulls over a chair, it screeches as its metal legs rub against the hard linoleum floor.

''So it was the shooter.'' I ask, momentarily relieved.

''A principal dancer was shot as well I'm afraid. Louisa Woods. Jane seemed upset about hearing the news.''

My worst fears have been confirmed. Every muscle in my body tenses. It's taking all the effort in the world to not demand more answers now. Slowly, I work the motion back, clearing my throat. ''Is Miss Woods going to be okay?''

''They're not sure yet. She was shot twice and from much closer of a range if I remember correctly.  She's been in surgery for hours.''

An agonized moan rips through me.  It's pitiful, mournful, and helpless. ''Dear god.''

''It's not your fault.'' I shake my head, unable to form words at this point.  ''Harry? Harry?''

''I need to know when she gets out of surgery.'' I manage to say. It's not close to any of the thoughts warring in my head, but it's all that I can let out.  My eyes water as I hold back the tears. I can only think of her now, under bright surgical lights.  Her body laid out, bleeding unconscious, alone. She has to make it through this. ''Please.''

''Of course.''  Will coughs again. ''Your RPO, James, he's doing well, recovering nicely.''

I nod. At least that's a relief.

''Get some rest mate. You deserve it.''

I fall into a restless sleep. Vivid images crash through my nightmares. It's all screaming and chaos. Shapes and sound swirl to form terrifying motion pictures. People are screaming my name, calling for me. I need to help them.  I have to protect them.

''Harry, wake up.'' I open my eyes slowly to see Will standing there. He's changed clothes since I've seen him last. I squint against the rays of sun coming into the rooms. What day is it?

''Will?''

''Miss Woods is out of surgery.  I was on my way out, but I heard before I left.''

Immediately I lean up, ready to move.

''Slow down.'' Will holds up his hands. ''I've called a nurse to get you into the wheelchair, so you can go see. This part of the hospital is completely shut down still, so don't worry about the paps. And we finally convinced Jane to go home to get some sleep.''

I only comprehend pieces of his words. My focus is on seeing Lou. He said I could see her. I get to see Lou. She's still alive.

''Thank you.'' My voice thick.

Will just nods, looking at me strangely. ''We'll be back for lunch. Maybe Catherine and I will bring the children.''

Usually my heart would warm at the thought at seeing my niece and nephew. Now though, I really don't care. There's only one person I'm concerned with.

In minutes I'm in a wheelchair following the nurse's directions to Lou's room. Apparently they were going to move her to an ICU room on a different floor but her name was on the tellies. The nurse also informed me that it had been a short ten hours since the accident. She was admittedly very helpful.

Carefully I enter the room, a little uncomfortable handling the wheelchair. The lights are dimmed, the shades drawn.  I can't help but notice there's no flowers in her room. My heart cracks as I realize I may be her first visitor.  There's little chance the security would allow anyone who's not a blood relative past and Lou's alone in that regard.  I've isolated her once again.  I shake my head, there's time now to make up for my mistakes.

Finally I approach the bed. She's lying there, looking completely serene if not for the wires and tubes sticking out of her body.  Her usually untamable hair has been pulled back tightly, into a simple pony tail. Her face is gaunt, pale, and almost translucent. There's not an ounce of the vitality that I'm used to.  If I couldn’t hear the beeping I would have sworn she was dead.

Tentatively I reach out to touch her hand, stiff as well. It's not warm but I can feel her faint pulse there.  It's comforting. I can feel her lifeline. She's here. We're still here.

''Lou, I don’t-'' I stop, emotion overcoming me.  I rest my head on the bed, hand still clutching hers. Amazed that I still get to hold her.  We get more days together, more time. She was gone from not just my world but the world itself. I take a deep relieved breath.

Slowly, I start again. ''You can hear me, I know you can. So I'm going to only say this once.'' I lift up her hand pressing my lips against it. ''You're going to come out of this stronger, you're a fighter Lou Woods.  You don't get to leave like this.  Lou Woods isn’t a quitter, no.  And when you wake up, we're going to have a fight about how you scared the living shit out of me.  You're going to be flippant and say it's not a big deal but it is.  I'm going to kiss you and kiss you because I can and because I hate arguing with you.  Did you get all that?  Did you?''

I look at her, willing her to open those beautiful eyes.

She doesn't.  The heart monitor continues so steadily beep.

I nod, knowing that this is a process. For now, I'm content with just holding her.  I lay my head down on the bed again, her hand still in mine.

There's a squeak. I look up hoping to see Lou's eyes open. When they're still closed I turn to see a man in the doorway, also in a wheelchair. ''I apologize, I didn’t know-''

I breathe a sigh of relief, ''James.''

''I'll leave.'' It's a polite offer, but I know he wants to see Lou.  He has a connection with her.  I can understand that, even if it irks me. Right now though is not the time to be petty.  

''No. Come in.  Come see her.''

Slowly he comes over, but wheels over to the other side of the hospital bed. I try not to watch him as he takes stock of Lou.  I'm not sure what I'm afraid of seeing.  I look at Lou instead.  

''Jesus Christ.'' He exhales. Now I glance over at him. He's staring at her, and I can only describe the look as horrified. ''God, she just looks…''

''Dead.''

James looks at me in shock. I shrug, it's the truth. And now that I know she's made it through that hurdle I'm not so afraid of saying the word.

''When I heard that she was shot. I was-''

''Petrified.'' I supply. ''Me too.''  I wince. ''When they told me about you, I was-''

''Happy.'' He supplies.

I roll my eyes, ''Maybe I should have been.''

James chuckles, ''Admit it, you heard I was shot and thought something along the lines of 'he deserved it'.''

I glare at him, but realize that he's probably closer to the truth than he thinks.  Over the past few months there have been times when I had envisioned James getting shot but usually I was pulling the trigger.

We sink back into silence. I'm not sure how long we sit there.  We don't talk, we both just sit and glance over at Louisa every now and then.

There's a knock on the door. We both jump, unaccustomed to any sound. It's Jane, dressed in jeans and a fitted blouse. Her hair is in a low bun, I'm glad to see that she looks like she got a little bit of rest. She smiles softly. ''The nurses said I would find you here.'' Then she looks over at James. ''Oh, Mr. Parker. It is good to see you awake as well.''

He nods, ''Ma'am.''

''I want to thank you so much for your actions last night. It was unabashedly heroic.''

James actually blushes. I watch astounded. ''Just doing my job ma'am.''

''Thank you nonetheless. I'm forever in your debt.'' Uncomfortable James goes back to looking at Louisa. ''Harry, can I talk to you out in the hall?''

Loathe to leave Louisa, but knowing I have no excuse not to I roll away from the hospital bed. Once in the hall Jane closes the door to the room.  However the windows still allow unobstructed view of Louisa and James.

''I'm glad you're moving around.'' She says.

''Likewise. I think the doctors mentioned I got lucky about one hundred times.'' Jane nods tersely. ''Are you okay?''

''It's just been a very difficult last few hours.'' She inhales raggedly. ''I was so worried, when everything happened it was all a blur.  I saw the blood and I just-'' She stops abruptly. ''I'm sorry. You were the one who was shot.''

I reach out and hold her hand, desperate to comfort her. At the very least this woman is my friend. I refuse to see her in pain. ''It's traumatizing. Please don't apologize for your feelings. I'm okay though, see?''

''I do.'' She smiles and bends down, placing a quick kiss on my cheek. ''I love you Harry.'' She straightens and we both face the hospital room. ''The identified the shooter.''

''Oh?''

''A jealous girl in the company apparently, Melanie something.  I don't know.''

''Jealous of who?''

''Louisa.''

''Then why shoot at our box?''

Jane glances down at me, ''Apparently there were rumors within the Company that Louisa secured her parts because of involvement with you.''

I panic.  Jane is absolutely speaking the truth.  I search her eyes for any belief in what she's saying. ''Involvement?''

My wife waves her hand dismissively, ''You asked the director to give Louisa the parts.''

''Oh.''

''Unbelievable I know.''

''Right.''

Jane shakes her head, ''I mean to shoot people over that, even if it was true.  Insane.''

I can only nod.

Jane doesn’t seem willing to broach the subject any further. I start to breathe more easily. From where we are I swear that I can see Louisa twitch slightly.  My breath hitches, instinctively I lean forward.  ''We see her quite often don't we.''

''What?''

Jane points at Louisa. ''It just seems that we run into her quite often.  We hardly run in the same social circles and yet we see her around a lot.''

''I thought you liked Louisa.'' I say diplomatically.

''I do, I do. It's just odd.''

''I wonder if it's James.'' She muses.

''What do you mean?'' I ask, as nonchalantly as possible.

Jane gestures to the two of them. ''Well look at him. He's sitting at the bedside of a virtual stranger. He would only see her when we have engagements with the Ballet, at least at first.  Maybe after the first meeting the feelings were reciprocated and Miss Woods figured we were a perfect way to see James.''

I stare at her dumbfounded and only slightly jealous. ''Darling, we can't pretend to know what goes on in either of their minds. Besides, that seems a little far-fetched doesn’t it?''

She continues to look at the two of them with a discerning eye.

''I don't know. Miss Woods has a way of charming people. You were at her bedside as well.''

I instantly deflect that particular comment. ''Considering she got shot partly because of my rumored actions I think it was appropriate.''

''You have a point.'' Jane smiles. ''As a reward for James I'm going to set the two of them up.''

''What?''

''I've noticed how he looks at her today and other occasions.'' I barely withhold a growl.  I know exactly the sort of looks she's referring to. ''They just need a little push.''

''I don’t think that's necessary. I already planned to award him some sort of title.'' I take a deep breath. ''And besides, I think he mentioned that they had gone on a few dates.''

I have no idea where the lie came from, but I can see it interests Jane. If it was true it would answer some of these pesky questions.  Honestly, I'm hoping that it will get her to cease this line of inquiry entirely.   We need to move away from the subject of Louisa. ''Potentially. There's only one way to find out.'' She moves toward the door handle.

Quickly I reach out to grab her hand, ''Darling, perhaps now is not the best time to grill him about his relationship.  He has had a rough few hours as well.''

''Good point.'' She squeezes my hand. ''I'll just invite the two of them over for dinner a fortnight from now. Then we'll know for sure.''

Dinner? Specifically, dinner with my wife, lover, and RPO who knows about the affair.  This could only end well.

Chapter 17

AN: Thanks for reading!

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Update--Will be up in ONE hour!!

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 17

AN: FYI this is another Louisa POV chapter, so be aware of that.  Shoutout to all you wonderful people who message, leave a note, etc. It’s always great to hear from you all. Enjoy!

Louisa's POV

It started as any other night. We had a performance tonight and I was relaxing in my dressing room. For some reason my mind had been racing all day. My hands couldn’t stop shaking, I couldn’t sit still. So I came to the Opera House a little early.  Perhaps a change in scenery would help. It didn’t. I'm still restless, listening to music just now in my dressing room instead of my flat.

A knock on the door startles me, ''Come in.''

Kevin walks in, dressed casually still instead of his usual performance night tux. ''I thought I heard your 'music' blasting through the halls.''

I roll my eyes at his teasing.  Shocker, Kevin was a music snob.  I mean he was also a snob about a lot of other things as well. ''And hello to you too.''

''You usually don't get here this early.''

''I was feeling restless.'' I confess. ''Not really sure why.''

He raises his brow, ''You're not getting cold feet?''

''I never get cold feet.''

Kevin holds up his hands defensively. ''Fair enough Miss Woods.'' Our creative director steps closer, leaning against the long vanity counter.   ''Which begs the question why so restless?''

''If I knew, I would probably not be here.'' I retort.

He simply inclines his head. ''Well, if you're still feeling a little tense after the show, you could always go out for a drink.''

I watch as Kevin begins to look supremely uncomfortable. At least I think that's what I'm seeing. Kevin is usually a pretty unflappable guy.  Now though, his shoulders are tense, his hand reaches up to brush hair across his forehead.

''With me.''

He didn’t just say that. There's no way that's what I heard.

''Miss Woods?''

I blink quickly, realizing that is what I just heard. ''Sorry, I was just a little taken aback.''

''I'm sorry if it seems out of the blue Miss Wo-''

''Stop.'' I hold my hand up. ''If you're going to ask me out you could at least use my first name.'' I smile slightly so he knows I'm teasing.

He smiles as well looking a little more comfortable. ''Louisa then.'' Kevin coughs. ''The offer still stands.''

I look at my friend and boss. He's back to the confident man I'm used to. Leaning against the counter he watches me with careful eyes.  It's in the eyes where I can still see the nerves.  I frown, this isn’t going to be easy.

''I'm sorry Kevin, but I can't.'' A lie springs to my lips. ''It wouldn’t be appropriate.''

''Appropriate?''

''You're my boss. You make major decisions.'' I refrain from bringing up the fact that it seems like we just went through this with Harry's involvement.

He waves his hand, ''It's just drinks.'' I look at him in disbelief. ''but yes it would be interesting to see if it would lead to more between us-''

''I'm not looking for a relationship.''

That seems to throw him for a loop. He looks down at the ground, lips pursed. When he looks back up I can see the resignation in his face. ''Okay, alright.'' Kevin pushes away from the counter. ''I respect that.''

''Thank you.'' I murmur as he walks to the door.

The hinges creak as the door opens, but I don't hear it close. ''Just promise me that you didn’t go back to Harry.''

I wince, but don't turn. If Kevin can see my face he'll know that he's exactly right. I don't know what would be worse, his anger or his pity.

''Louisa?''

Ignoring him, I start to organize my makeup for tonight. My hands continue to move even though I'm doing nothing of consequence. I rearrange my foundation and concealer four times before Kevin coughs.  ''Miss Woods?''

I take a steadying breath. ''At least close the door.''

The door thuds and I wince. Then there's an eerie silence.

''Just don't stand there. Yell if you're going to yell.''

''I don't want to yell.''

I roll my eyes, ''Then what do you want to do?''

''Shake some goddamn sense into you quite frankly.''

''Trust me, if I thought there was any sense to be had I would find it. I've tried. I can't explain it and I won't explain it. We're in love.'' I stare at Kevin through the mirror. ''And that's enough.''

Kevin stares back his eyes focused, sincere. ''We both know that at some point it won't be.''

''Who knows what the future holds?'' I reply.  It sounds pitiful even to me.

''You're better than this.''

And what if I'm not?

The thought isn’t a new one nor a weak one. It shows up at any moment of self-doubt of which I've had plenty.  In this situation it seems particularly true considering who Harry is and who I am. To me, this makes perfect sense.

I look back down at my makeup. ''If that was all, I would like some peace and quiet before the show.''

Kevin throws his head back, huffing, apparently frustrated. ''Useless.''

Now the door slams, I'm finally alone.  I take deep steadying breaths.

Kevin has no right to waltz in here and judge my choices. He can't understand, he doesn’t.  This is the only possible solution.  If I want to have any piece of a relationship with Harry…this is what it has to be. And I've come to terms with that.  Yes, I've come to terms to that.

I stand up, needing fresh air.

As I walk I run into one of the company members, we joined about the same time. ''Oh, sorry about that Mel.''

''Was that Kevin coming from your dressing room?'' She asks, ignoring my apology.

I don't care for the suspicious tone in her voice. ''Yes, we were going over something in the show.''

''Oh of course.'' She laughs loudly. ''Break a leg tonight.''

She totters off and I breathe a sigh of relief. The last thing I need is

Outside near the stage door I lean against the wall. The wind cuts through me, but it's refreshing. I let my eyes drift shut.  I need to focus on tonight, not Harry or Kevin or any of the drama that goes with it. This fraction of Harry is all that I'll get. We're good this way and much better than being apart, being alone.

''Miss Woods?'' At first I'm afraid Kevin has made another appearance. When I open my eyes though I see James' familiar face.  ''Is everything okay?''

I flash a tight smile, ''Of course. I just needed some air.  You're here early.''

Harry and Jane were coming to the show tonight. By now the company is getting used to it even I am. I still get nervous of course, but it's the excitement of performing for Harry. I don't dread it anymore, I can't because the nights they come to watch I know I'll see him just a few hours after.  

''We're doing security checks.''

That's odd. I don't remember them doing any of these things before. I voice my concern.  ''Was there a threat?''

James shrugs, ''Not to my knowledge. We do these fairly regularly.''

I nod.  It's easy to forget that Harry is probably in danger more than I realize. He's a public figure, a major one. I suppose it stands to reason that someone somewhere would want to hurt him. My stomach churns at the thought. I look over to James seeing him in a new light. ''Thank you James.''

''Thank you?''

''For protecting him.'' I pause. ''Hell, for protecting us.''

''It's my job.''

I roll my eyes, ''You're going above and beyond at least when it comes to me.''

He just shrugs again, the composed RPO.

''Good conversation then.''  My comment brings a little smirk to his face. I smile as well.  ''We need to find you a girlfriend James.''

''I hardly have time for that.''

''I could introduce you to one of the other dancers.'' I offer.

''Well that would be kind.'' He smiles again a little mischievously. ''But I hear dancers are a bit of a handful.''

''I'm sure you never heard that from Harry.''

''Never Miss.''

I just shake my head, not completely used to this playful side of James. ''I should probably go and you too.''

He nods, ''Break a leg tonight.''

''Thanks.''

About an hour later I'm standing in the wings ready to go on stage. The steady, strong notes of the overture resound through the theater. Backstage I can see the ropes vibrate with the sound. As usual a quick wave of adrenaline washes through me. With deep breaths I try to focus the energy on my performance. But I can't seem to push it away. Frowning I pace, the nerves still coursing.  The feeling of restlessness from earlier returns. I can't figure out what the problem is. Instinctively I reach down to check my point shoes.  With shaking fingers I double check the fastenings, everything seems fine. I glance around to see if anyone else is as seemingly nervous as myself.  It seems though that everyone else is going about business as usual. As the overture fades away I take one more deep breath and step onto the stage.

The first act goes along just fine. In spite of looking for anything that could be amiss I perform rather well. My turns are smooth and my moves are precise. Once I step off the stage though the same feeling of restlessness comes back around.  I can't shake it as I change into the next costume.

''Louisa, you about ready?'' Olivia has poked her head in.  She's featured in the next act.

''Coming.'' I stand and glance in the mirror one last time. For whatever reason a shiver rolls across my skin. A cold sweat follows it.

''Louisa?''

I shake my head, ''Coming.''

I follow her back towards the stage. There's a flurry of activity of course.  Dancers lining up for the next act and stagehands frantically checking everything. Usually I thrive on the chaos.  Now though I'm scanning the crowd, once again looking for that thing amiss.

''You don't look so good.''

''I'm just feeling a bit off, like there's something really wrong today and I can't put my finger on it.''

Olivia looks at me like I'm insane.  I can see the concern in her eyes. ''We could always-''

''I don't need my understudy.''  Honestly I don't even know it is.  I never plan on using her.

''Fair enough.'' My friend replies, then lowers her voice. ''Really probably for the best, Mel always seems too eager.''

At the mention of the dancers name I suddenly see her standing in the wings as well. She's dressed for the second act but still with a robe on.  She's talking with another dancer about something, they both laugh.

''If you say so.'' I respond, and then turn away.

The music changes and the curtain begins to rise. ''Break a leg.''

This act is going fine as well I can't help but think during a quick break between numbers. I'm in the wings, assistants circled around me.  This part of the show I do a very quick change.  The ladies help me into the as I describe it hauntingly white ensemble. At first glance it appears romantic, white flowy skirts that are layered with chiffon and gossamer. But the skirt is scalloped at the end like it was torn and the bodice appears almost skeletal from close up.  ''All done Louisa.''

''Thanks.'' I whisper and take a step forward. As I move out of the wings to the stage a chill overcomes me again.  I keep moving as the music begins to soften and take on an eerie quality.  Usually the music doesn’t bother me, tonight though I feel it in my bones.  I'm overcome with the thought that something horrible is coming.

I continue to dance, my body remembering even if my mind can't focus. As I step to center stage the company falls to the sides.  The next set of turns is always tricky.  I go through the first one well, a smattering of applause filters through my senses. Then I go on to the next one, I hear a loud pop, and then another in quick succession, then screams.

I drop out of the spin, acutely alarmed.  Around me everything is moving in slow motion. I take in the horrified gazes of the nearest orchestra.  Then I look up at the royal box someone is screaming, pointing.  I hear my name. Immediately I look right.

Something burns me, the pain takes my breath away followed by one final loud pop.

I gasp as I hit something hard and cold. Strangely I know it must be the stage, I've fallen somehow. As my vision goes black I can still feel the burning sensation.

Chapter 16                                                                   Chapter 18

AN: So a bit of a cliffhanger...

[whydontyoustay-phff]

They seem sure Louise will be a mistress forever and they can get away with it. I think it's unfair for Louise to be hidden and don't have a healthy relationship and a true family. Why can't Harry divorce? Esp if Jane's family is after his money

These are all very good questions and could very well (probably) lead to arguments or conflicts as the story progresses

[whydontyoustay-phff]

When can we expect the update today?

Yes, I'm editing it as I send this!

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 16

Louisa’s POV

Why am I doing this?

That's my continuous thought as I rummage through the mountains of my boxes in my new flat. I need an appropriately demure ensemble for this morning, but all my clothes remain in their boxes. Olivia finally convinced me I should upgrade the as she put it hovel I was living in.   My new flat isn’t necessarily larger but it is in a better part of the city and has a door that stays right on the hinges. So yes I suppose I did upgrade.  Now I have a living space more suited to my now elevated position at the Royal Ballet.  That's all well and good but now I can't find a single article of clothing.

I glance at my watch. And I'm going to be late if I don't find this blasted dress soon.

Finally I locate the piece of clothing. The shapeless black dress with long sleeves will do the trick for today. Besides with any luck not a single person will notice me.

When I arrive to the church I can't help but be surprised at how many people have actually come.  I suppose a wealthy banker in London would have amassed some friends, probably some friends in high places.

As I walk in I notice the Widow standing about two thirds down the narrow aisle. The old church was beautiful even if it was small.  The almost ancient stone is cold to the touch, I pull my jacket a little tighter. The low murmurs of the assembled voices provide an eerie background music as I try to locate a seat near the back. I spot an empty row and sit down.

I'm shrugging off my jacket when I glance behind me. Absentmindedly I wave at the familiar face, ''Oh, hello James.'' I do a double take. ''Wait, James?''

''Miss Woods?'' He sounds as startled as I am.

He's dressed in a dark black suit, appropriate for the occasion. ''What are you doing here?''

''The Duke and Duchess are arriving momentarily.''

Wow so he really did have some powerful friends. I frown, I wonder if Harry has known all this time…

''Excuse me, here they are.''

And the couple in question walks in. Resolutely I face forward, unwilling to call their attention to myself. It's not that I don't want to see them together, no it's that I would rather be alone.  Today has nothing to do with Harry and I or Jane or any combination of the three of us.

As they walk past me they don't turn around.  I sigh in relief.

Even though they're dressed as everyone else is, in somber black, they still manage to stand out. The crowded church is aware of their presence.  These two people can never blend in, it's as if a glowing halo surrounds them at all times, marking them as different, as otherworldly.  I suppose to some they are.   They Widow leaves her conversation to greet the couple, before they take their seats.

The service is nice if not impersonal.  The minister recites the appropriate verses, reminds us of our mortality so on and so forth. Really it feels like it could be a funeral for anyone and everyone.  My eyes water, how unfair is that?  He was so much more than this, than empty words and blessings. No mention of the good he did, of the art he loved of the people he changed. How dare she reduce him to this? I take a deep breath, knowing that it was time to leave.

Why did I come here?

The pall bearers carry the casket down the aisle, but I keep my head forward, my eyes downcast.  I'm lost in my own thoughts, the memories.  My thoughts are so fluid, so deep that I actually allow most of the mourners to pass me as they exit. Luckily though, I've still avoided the gaze of the Widow.

Unfortunately I don't avoid Harry or Jane.  Her voice, too bright for the somber silence of the church rings out. ''Louisa! Louisa Woods?''

I look up startled, ''Your Royal Highness.'' I catch Harry's eyes, he looks at me oddly, a mix of surprise and concern.  Maybe he doesn’t have any idea. The two of them stopping has created a bit of a bottleneck.  Surely they must move on quickly.  

''How have you been? We have not seen since our wedding.''

Or not, I suppose.

Since she's started a conversation I stand and step out of the pew. Once in the aisle she places a quick kiss on my cheek, ''Terrible circumstances though.''

''Yes of course.  But you're right it has been a while.  The Ballet is keeping me busy.''

She nods, ''Of course. Harry and I are looking forward to the upcoming production. Aren't we?''

Smoothly Harry nods and then addresses me.  ''Seeing you on stage or otherwise is always a pleasure.''

His tone betrays no extra intimacy between the two of us but his eyes twinkle with that special mischievousness that never fails to enchant me. It's completely inappropriate here and yet I cling to it.  It grounds me, reminds me that I'm not really here alone. I'm not imagining it, this man really does love me.

''If you don't mind me asking,'' Jane begins as she starts to walk down the aisle. I'm forced to follow her. ''How do you know the Rothschild family?''

I do mind her asking, but I can't quite say that. My eyes shift to Harry who even though a step behind is listening carefully.  We've never fully discussed this complicated part of my life.

I clear my throat, ''The late Mr. Rothschild was actually the person who got me involved with the Royal Ballet.''

''Oh how kind.  He facilitated an audition?''

Hardly.  But it's easier to agree than share the past with Jane. ''Something like that.''

The three of us exit the church, London is gray and cold today, typical of the season.  The chill whips through my coat, blowing my hair around me.  The funeral party is scattered around as the casket is loaded into the hearse. I'm conscious of the small group of photographers just past the steps.  Their cameras are trained on Harry and Jane. Absentmindedly I wonder if I'm in any of their pictures.  I wonder if any of those paps know how close they are to capturing the biggest royal scandal in years. With that thought I'm able to smirk. They have no idea.

I step to the side, putting much needed distance between me and the couple.

''Your Royal Highnesses we would be more than honored to have you join us-'' the Widow had approached and finally noticed me. ''What are you doing here?''

The venom in her voice is almost palpable.  It's clear she's addressing me. Even through her dramatic black veil I can see the hatred in her eyes.  The dark brown depths smolder. I repress a shudder.

At her words Jane's mouth opens in shock and Harry scowls.

I clear my throat quietly, ''I saw in the paper-'' I begin, but under her glare I can't seem to think of anything else to say.

''Miss Woods explained the connection between your husband and the Royal Ballet as well as her gratitude.'' Harry says.  His words are slow, purposeful.

Mrs. Rothschild scoffs, ''Is that what she said? Well that's a revisionist view.  Do you know what that word means gutter rat?''

Jane gasps at the insult and I physically recoiled as if she's hit me. Harry is the only one who seems able to string words together. ''I think that's a bit uncalled for Mrs. Rothschild.''

Unapologetic she continues, ''I would keep her away from your husband ma'am, the little beggar has a let's call it a habit.''

And with that comment I decide it's time to leave. Pointedly I stare at Mrs. Rothschild, ignoring the shocked royals next to me. ''My condolences, Mrs. Rothschild for your loss. Your husband was a kind man with a cunt for a wife.''

I walk away without another word my body running on adrenaline. I can't believe she had the nerve to say those things.  My body vibrates with anger and embarrassment. To be reminded of those things in front of Harry and Jane. I choke on a sob as I approach the tube station.

A hand on my upper shoulder squeezing makes me scream. I turn to see it's only James. ''Jesus Christ you scared me.''

People on the street continue to walk past us but neither of us move. ''Follow me there's a car.''

''A car?'' I ask dumbly.

''Yes, a car.'' And he drags me away from the Underground through the crowds. His large frame allows him to weave us through the streets.  I'm stumbling behind him.  Quickly we get to a car park and I notice the black non-descript vehicle.  ''Get in.''

I do and James slides into the driver's seat.  Tires squeal as he pulls out into traffic. I know we're going too fast for the narrow streets. ''James, where are we going?''

He pulls into tan alley and gets out of the car without a word. That was helpful.  I'm not just going to sit here waiting. I have a date with a bottle of wine.

Before I can get out, the other passenger door opens. Harry slides into the car. ''Harry!''

He immediately wraps his arms around me, ''Lou, Jesus, how are you holding up? I wanted to ring that woman's neck.  I can't believe that she said those things.''

His body is shaking as he holds me, obviously he's repressing some anger. I'm almost suffocated by it.  Tentatively, I pull back, placing my hand on his cheek. ''I don't really give a flying fuck about her opinion.''

He looks at me shocked, ''Regardless, she shouldn’t have said those things.''

''How do you know they're not true?''

Harry looks at me as if I'm the dimmest person on the planet. ''I know you Lou, that isn’t something you would do. ''

His words are sweet, full of love, but they can't be sincere. His statement is fundamentally false.

I scoot back, letting out a shaky breath. ''But it's what I'm doing right now.''

Harry's mouth parts slightly and his eyes look down, brow furrowed. Even he doesn’t have an answer to that.  I lean back against the seat, running my hands over my face.  

''Drive James.'' Harry mutters.

We sit on opposite sides of the car as James drives through the city. We don't speak and I don't look at him.

''Where are we going?''

''Your flat.'' Harry replies. ''I figure this is as good as a time as any to see your new place.''

''I'm not unpacked.'' The excuse, which is true, springs to my lips.

''If we waited until you're unpacked it would be months.'' He says.  ''Besides, I know you've unpacked the wine.''

And the bastard manages to make me smile.

When we get to the flat, I give him the grand tour first, which takes approximately three minutes.   ''So what do you think?''

He's rubbing his beard slightly as if he's thinking over just what to stay.  His eyes sweep around the main room one last time. ''I like that it's in a better area and that's it's been renovated recently, there's more windows and-'' he pauses turning around once again.

''And what?'' I realize that I'm nervous.

''I can see you here.'' He says simply. ''You won't have too much furniture because you like the extra space to dance. You'll put simple white curtains  up because you like the city lights at night, but everything else will be warm, vibrant colors just like you.''

When he's finished he simply shrugs. I stand unable to form a coherent sentence. That's exactly what I want to do.  Harry knows me and understands me more than anyone I've ever me.   That knowledge brings tears to my eyes. I'm overwhelmed and yet really truly calm.

''Lou? What's wrong?''

I shake my head trying to force the tears back.  I'm happy dammit, why is this happening? Harry approaches me his hands gently rubbing my shoulders.  As he wipes an errant tear away he asks. ''What did I do wrong?''

I look at him, he's a little blurry but still there. ''Absolutely nothing. You're just so right.''

He smiles softly but shakes his head, ''How many times do I have to tell you? We're right.''

And I let him hold me for a few minutes. We stand in my unpacked, disorderly, plain, apartment. No words just understanding.

Finally I pull away, ''I'll go get the wine.''

When I return Harry has found some pillows and a rug. He's set them up around my small fireplace. The big oaf has decided to lay across them all. I laugh and shake my head as I sit down, leaning against him.

''So Rothschild was your sponsor in the Ballet program.'' Harry starts.

I was hoping we wouldn’t have to discuss this.  However, maybe it's time to tell someone.  Well not just someone, Harry.

''Yes.'' I take a sip. ''I was living on borrowed time. My mother was addicted to something but I'm still not sure what.'' I sigh. ''Anyways I was spending less and less time at 'home,' a little alcove fitted with cardboard boxes near the Blackfriars bridge. The pimps and dealers could tell I was going to be alone soon. My mother might not have been perfect but she did her best to protect me when she could. When she died, I was going to be alone.   I was around six.''

Harry's hands are wrapped around the wine glass tightly, his knuckles almost white. I brush my fingers against them willing him to relax. ''Love, it was practically another lifetime.''

He shakes his head, ''I hate thinking you had to go through that, live like that. I was in a palace and you were just-'' he breaks off. ''You were so fucking young.''

''I survived Harry. I'm here now.''

He takes a deep steadying breath. When he loops up his eyes are clearer. I run my thumb along his cheek he smiles. ''I'm sorry, go on.''

''To entertain myself during the day I would dance in the empty streets or in the parks.  It was fun and sometimes a few tourists would very stupidly give me money.  And I could pretend that one of the nannies around was watching me too and that my mom had enough money for a nanny.  It was a simple fantasy.  One of my favorite spots was Mr. Rothschild's bank.  There were lots of steps and landings so I could pretend I was onstage. Mr. Rothschild first saw me there.

''He asked where my parents were.  I lied and he left me alone but I know he didn’t believe me.  I took a week until he showed up at our little alcove saying he would find a place for me.  My mom yelled, her voice shook and swore he wouldn’t take me away.  I was her baby she said.  She loved me she said.  He left with a sad look probably knowing that if she really loved me she would have let him take me.  My mother was dead three days later.''

Harry is deathly silent while I take a long drink of wine.

''I kept it a secret for a day and then I knew I had to get out.  The sharks were circling. I went to his bank and walked up to the first teller asking to see the nice man in the suit.'' I laugh slightly remembering the look on the teller's face. ''Luckily he happened to be in the lobby.  They took me in and enrolled me in that special program. I loved it, and I loved living with the Rothschilds.  Everything was fine until I got older.  Mr. Rothschild and I were close, he loved the ballet too and he loved that I was good at it.  

''His wife hated our connection. She started making accusations, started ugly rumors. Mr. Rothschild was disgusted, he tried to reason with her but it wouldn’t work. When I turned 18 he made sure I had a position with one of the feed-ins to the Ballet then cut me off.''

''Bastard.''

I ignore Harry's impulsive insult. ''It hurt, I felt sorry for myself for a while. I just didn’t understand.  He never did anything wrong, he never touched me or said anything, but his wife wouldn’t let the rumors die.  He was going to lose everything.  So I learned to live without him. I learned to live alone, no friends no family, just the music. I thought I was alone, until the first letter came.

He sent me four letters for each production I was ever in.  One on opening night, one about the reviews, one the day after he saw the show and then one on closing night.  He didn’t abandon me after all.''

''It would have been interesting to hear his thoughts about us.'' I chuckle.

''He probably would hate me.'' Harry says sadly.

''You make me happy.  He would have understood.''

We sit quietly for a moment. I reflect on that time of my life and how it all could have been over.

''You know why I think we work Harry, even though we shouldn’t?''

''We love each other.'' He supplies immediately.

''That of course, but it's more.'' I hold his hand very tightly in mine. ''I've learned that even when people say they love you it's not always true.  My mother said she loved me, but couldn’t do what needed to be done to save me.  Mr. Rothschild loved me, I know he did, and yet he sent me away.  You love me and you married someone else-''

''Lou, I had to protect-''

I hold up my hand, knowing what he's going to say and it doesn’t matter. ''You married someone else, but it was different.  I learned how to survive without my mom and I learned how to survive without Mr. Rothschild.  As sweet as the letters are they don't replace what we were. But I couldn’t survive without you Harry.'' I look into his eyes and I see the pain in his eyes, ''There is nothing on this earth that would make a life without you worth it.''

He wraps his hands around my shoulders pulling me into him, holding me tight.  I take deep gasping breaths as the truth washes over me. His voice is soothing, trying to calm me down. He pulls back slightly and looks straight into my soul. ''You're absolutely right Louisa Woods.  You are my lifeline, just like I'm yours. When I'm with you I'm complete and when I'm not I'm incomplete. It's quite as simple as that. I'm never leaving you again.''

Chapter 15                                                                                   Chapter 17   

AN: Thanks for reading, hope you all enjoying it! Have a great rest of your week!

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Your storie is so good! I'm anxious for more Harry, Louise and Jane!

Glad you like it and thanks for reading! Enjoy the update today!

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Schedule for Updates

I’m FINALLY going to set a specific day for Updates for this story. It will be every WEDNESDAY from today on forward. Hopefully, it can be everyone’s midweek pick-me-up.  So look for Chapter 16 on the 22nd!  

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 15

Harry's POV

''Should I be concerned that you're going to host one last party at Highgrove?''  My father's tone is only slightly joking.

I asked to have Highgrove to myself for the weekend or specifically to have Highgrove to Louisa and I this weekend, but my father can't know that. This time around, we're taking more precautions than ever.  The only person who knows is James and we don't go to Belcourt anymore.  The last few weeks together have been going well. It's the happiest I've been since the morning of the wedding.

''No. I told you I wanted a weekend away from the city.''

''Fair enough. Should I be concerned your wife isn’t with you?''

I roll my yes. Father has taken a rather active role in monitoring Jane and I's relationship. Not that I blame him I suppose. ''Jane is visiting her parents' estate.''

''I see.''  At least he doesn’t like my in-laws either. ''That girl won't be there will she?''

''What girl?'' I ask absently. I'm trying to make sure everything here is in good shape. We don't spend much time here anymore but I want her to feel comfortable.

''The girl, Harry.''

Oh.

''Father, really?'' I bluff. ''I told you that I was alone. I held up my end of the bargain.'' At least I did for a bit. ''You can't even say her name?''

''Well son, I quite frankly-''

A thought occurs to me as he continues to stumble over his words. I think back to the conversation we had that morning specifically when Louisa's name was finally mentioned. ''You never knew her name.''

''Don't be absurd.''

''You didn’t say her name until I did. Jesus Christ, it was all a bluff.  Had you just assumed that I was cheating on Jane?''

''Harry, don't be dramatic…''

I hang up the phone unwilling to hear his other excuses. I should have asked for more proof that morning. His threat was the only thing pushing me down the aisle. I shake my head. I can't focus on that now.

Lou will be here any minute. I've called off the RPOs beside James for the weekend so we'll be virtually alone. It's going to be a grand weekend.

I hear the familiar sounds of tires on gravel. Quickly I grab the wine glass I poured for her and head to the front hall. Lou walks through the door dressed casually her long hair hanging loose. She looks beautiful, breathtaking as usual.

I watch as she glances around taking in the sights of my childhood home. Sure Highgrove isn’t our most impressive home but it isn’t too shabby.  Her perfect mouth parts ever so slightly in awe. It's something I forget about her, just how different our backgrounds are.

''Lou-love,'' I call out. Her head turns quickly, her blonde hair forming a quick golden curtain around her face.  She smiles when she sees me.  ''Welcome to Highgrove.''

She moves toward me slowly her hips swaying. I'm completely caught up in her presence and the mere fact that she's here.

''I'm trying to pretend this isn’t impressive, that you aren’t impressive.'' She says, her face solemn. ''But I can't quite control it. This place is incredible.''

''And?'' I interrupt.

She drops her bag, her arms wrapping around my neck.  Her voice sweet. ''And you are incredible.''

Her words warm me from the inside out. The admiration in her voice is almost palpable. I place a quick kiss on her lips. ''You are incredible.''

''I am.'' She sighs and rests her head against my chest ''What the plan for this weekend?''

''Well, a little of this,'' I place another kiss on her lip, lingering a little longer this time.  

I pull back and she scowls slightly, ''And a little of this.'' I hand her the glass of wine.'' She takes a sip, inclining her head in thanks.

''And a few more surprises along the way.'' I finish.

She shrugs, ''Sounds promising I suppose.'' Her sarcasm seeping through the words. ''For now though I'll have more of that first one.''

''With pleasure.'' I take the wine glass and place it on a pedestal.  I capture her lips with mine once again. My hands settle around her waist, pulling her closer.  Soft lips meet mine again and again, sweet simple kisses with growing passion.  Those soft lips part and my tongue meets hers. Lou's hands tighten ever so softly and she sighs. Oh yes, this is going to be a perfect weekend.

There's a cough.

Lou pulls away and I can see James standing near the door, a suitcase at his feet. My eyes narrow slightly. We haven’t discussed Lou's reappearance in my life. Frankly, I don't intend to. This new chapter is only about Lou and I.

''Yes James?''

''I was just bringing in Miss Woods' bags.''

I nod, ''Thank you.'' Then I grab Lou's hand, my thumb rubbing over smooth skin. ''You can leave it there.''

I escort Lou upstairs to continue what we had started in the hall.

A few hours later we’re still in bed taking a short respite. Lou is lying on her stomach, the thin sheet only just covering the curve of her shapely arse. I'm leaning against a few pillows propped up so I can run my fingers along her back.

Her skin is smooth, warm. I can hear breath slowly returning to normal. My ego is riding high, there's nothing quite like hearing your woman call out your name in the heat of the moment.

''Once I return to earth we can have round two, or is it three?''

I place a soft kiss to the center of her spine, ''We can relax for a while.''

''Mmkay.''

We lie in comfortable silence for a few moments, as if we have all the time in the world. And this weekend it's the closest we'll get to that feeling. No interruptions, no responsibilities, just us.

''I had grand fantasies of making love to you in the hall the moment I saw you today. You're that irresistible.''

She laughs her voice still throaty with lust. ''It's a good thing James came in when he did then and not a few moments later.''

His name on her lips bother me, for some reason it wrinkles my skin. ''I don't like how he looks at you Lou.''

This causes her to turn her head.  Her eyes meet mine, wide with confusion. ''What do you mean?''

''I don't know, he's just always watching.''

''Isn't that his job?''

She has a point, but there's something else.  I just can articulate it.

''He has opinions.''

''Hold the presses.'' Lou remarks, but she's turned away, apparently bored by the conversation. ''Everyone has opinions Harry.''

''Opinions about us.'' I clarify.

''Oh.'' She pauses. ''He hasn’t said anything to me.''

''Good.''

At least he wasn’t taking to her about all the things he surely thinks I've fucked up.

''You could always request another RPO, but that would mean-''

''Another person knowing about us. That's not ideal.''  I finish her thought. I run my fingers through her hair.  ''I'm probably imagining things.''

''I wasn't the one who said it.''

I smirk, so Lou also believes this is all in my head. I should listen to her. Obviously she isn’t picking up on all this tension. I lean against the headboard, a little more relaxed.

A few more minutes pass in companionable silence and I still can't seem to shake this James thing.

''So what do you two talk about?''

Lou sighs heavily and flips to her back. Before I can admire her exposed chest she sits up, ''What are you…''?

And she straddles my lap. Her chest is almost at eye level but I focus up. She has an adorably stern look on her face.

''Harry if you want to talk about James, I suggest you go find him.'' She pauses and rolls he hips slightly. I groan, feeling her warm center pressed close to me. ''However I'm sure there's something better we could be doing.''

She has a point, a very good point. My hands squeeze her now bare hips.  My voice is low, edged with desire. ''Option 2.''

''Good choice.''

The next morning I convince Lou to come out and ride with me. We've never been riding together before and this presents the perfect opportunity.  Here in the stables Lou looks at the horses warily. I smile, ''It's not going to bite.''

Her eyes tighten but don't shift sight from the mare I'm saddling. ''That's a lie Harry.  Horses do in fact bite.''

''But not often.'' I smirk, she just continues to glare. ''Here, take this.'' I hand her a sugar cube.

''We've already had tea.''

I blink confused and then realize she's serious. ''No, no, feed it to her.'' Lou arches a brow. ''Here, I'll help.''

I stand behind Lou so both of us are just slightly to the side of the horse. ''Stick your hand out.''

She shakes her head, ''Absolutely not.''

I remind myself to be patient and then grasp her wrist. Very slowly I guide her palm toward the horse. Lou's body is trembling against mine. Lowly I giver instructions, ''Now just open your hand and she should just-''

The horse licks the cube away. Lou squeals once before laughing. ''Can I do that again?''

''You'll spoil her. Come on city girl, swing your leg over. We're ready.''

She makes it on the horse easily her toned legs helping with the distance. I check a few things, ''Feel good?''

''I think.''

''Perfect, let's ride.''

I hop onto my horse and lead the two of us out. We spend a few minutes going over basic controls until I can see that she's bored. ''Are you ready?''

She nods, bouncing slightly. ''Yeah, let's go already!  Giddyup!''

I shake my head at her impression of a cowboy. ''This is going to end horribly isn’t it?''

''Undoubtedly.''

And with one last smile Lou sends her horse off.  Quickly I catch up to her.

I take her around the surrounding areas making sure we stay away from any areas close to public roads.

''It's beautiful out here.'' She remarks. She's right of course. The spacious land around Highgrove is majestic even now in the colder season. ''It's so quiet out here.''

''It really is.'' That's part of the reason Will and I thought we could get away with so much. It feels like everything, the city, civilization, and problems are miles away out here.  ''You've never been to the country?''

It wasn’t really a question. I know she hasn’t. ''Nope.  I've never left London. I never understood how people could leave the vibrancy of London, the movement, but I think I get it now.''

''So when you retire?''

''I could see it.''

And I could too.  A country home, near wherever Jane finally decides she wants to be so I could be close to Lou.  And close to our kids, because in this new start we're not going to deny ourselves that.

''But that's years away.'' She adds quickly.

We continue on the trail for a little while longer. ''I can't believe you play a sport on top of one of these things.''

The awe in her voice does wonders for my male pride. ''You should come see me play.''

She snorts, ''A polo match is hardly my scene. I would stick out like a sore thumb.''

''You handle those fancy galas with Kevin just fine.'' I point out. ''You'll come to the next match.''

''I would like to see you play.  All hot and sweaty breathing hard.'' She shivers. ''Yeah, I think I will come to the next one.''

My mind immediately and unfairly compares Lou's words to Jane.  My wife hates watching the polo matches and demands I shower afterwards. There are no clandestine meetups in the locker room, no flirtatious touches. These two women are just fundamentally different.

''Harry?''

''Yes?'' I shake my head. ''Sorry, I was lost in thought there for a moment.''

''No problem. I'm just ready to go back.''

''Sounds good love.''

''Let's race, 1,2,3!''

She's gone before I can fully register her words.  Her mare begins to trot, then gallop. I have to kick mine rather harshly to catch up.

As I gain on her it's like she's been riding for years. She handles the mare with confidence and a bit of recklessness of course. Really that's how she does everything in her life. It's enviable.

When I catch up to her she turns around. She shrieks and edges her horse a little faster. Lou's hair whips around her shoulders, her cheeks flushed, so alive.

Later that evening we're having dinner when my phone rings, it's Jane. I tuck the phone away.  ''Take her call.''

I look up shocked, Lou is staring at me from across the table. ''What?'' I'm certain I've heard her incorrectly.

''Take her call Harry, its okay.'' I continue to stare. Lou smiles, looking impossibly beautiful but sad. She looks down then looks back up, completely serene. ''Look, if this is going to work. I can't pretend she doesn’t exist.  You avoiding her is only going to create tension between the two of you and that was the worst part before. Do your duty by her, placate her and then come to me.  I'll always be here waiting, and we'll be better together.''

''Lou…'' Her words stun me. I don't deserve her understanding or her willingness to make this work. It takes my breath away to think that she cares this much. ''You don’t-''

''Stop,'' she stands gracefully, walking towards me. She places a quick kiss on my cheek. ''Take her call.  Know that I'll be waiting upstairs patiently.''

I watch her walk away, she pauses for a moment, her hand on the doorframe. She stands there for a moment, tension coursing through her limbs. I watch her shoulders rise and then fall.  Her head turns slightly, displaying her profile. Her voice is soft, ''And promise that you won't fall in love with her.''

''Never.'' I respond immediately, pouring every single emotion into that one word.

Lou's eyes drift shut, her head nodding ever so slightly. She's gone, like a mirage in a desert. I know that I need her back, so I dial Jane's number.

''Hello sweets, thanks for calling me back.'' Jane's bright voice, shatters the soft environment of the room.

''Of course. I'm sorry I missed your call.'' I reply. ''How is your family?''

''They're good.'' She sighs. ''Disappointed you didn’t come. You would think their only daughter visiting would be enough.''

I wince.  Jane's been struggling with her parents and their focus on my family. It's part of the reason I avoid them so often. ''Jane, just tell them to go f- I mean to go to hell.''

''I know, I know but they're still my parents Harry.''

''Fine.''

''They asked when we were going to start a family.''

I roll my eyes, ''Of course they did.''

''Don't worry I told them it wouldn’t be for a year or two.''

''Good.'' I can sense her hesitation. ''What?''

''I really want kids.''

I want to hang up now and lose myself in Lou for a few hours. This is the last thing I want to talk about. Not when the thought of children between us just feels wrong.

''I do too, but we’ve discussed this.'' I don't add that we've discussed this hundreds of times. ''It will happen when we're ready.''

''You mean when you're ready.''

''What?''

''Nothing Harry. Look I have to go.''

''Okay.''

''I love you.'' She says, full of hope, promise.

Quietly I mumble, ''Love you too.''  The words turning to ash in my mouth.

Chapter 14                                    

AN: I kind of think starting with this chapter it’s kind of Phase 2 of the story.  I have the rest of the story outlined, but I won’t tell you how many phases there are...so stay tuned. Thank you to all my lovely readers especially those who are kind enough to leave messages. You make my day!

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Oh my god, I'm hooked on this story. You're such a brilliant writer and I honestly can't wait to read more! x

Thanks so much and I’m glad you’re enjoying it. New chapter will be up within the hour!

[whydontyoustay-phff]

See above! This one is about the First Lady of the United States and our favorite ginger Prince, 

Prologue

AN: New Fanfic, please enjoy and let me know what you think!

Prologue

November 6 2012

The ballroom at the Abraham Lincoln Hotel was full of people, everyone was chatting, eating and most importantly drinking.  All around red, white and blue balloons and lights decorated the art deco space. The music played softly considering most people had their eyes affixed to any of the many television screens.  

Bum badum dun da dun

The tune has the entire party turning to the screens. All conversations have ceased as the announcer addresses the viewers across the nation.  ’‘And we have another important race update, we at CNN are comfortable announcing that North Carolina’s electoral votes will go to Senator Bee…’’

Keep reading

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 14

AN: Chapter 14 as promised! If you haven't read the short chapter 13 that I posted earlier please do that first. Enjoy and have a great day! 

Louisa POV

Another opening night another full company meeting on the stage.  I realize now why the veteran company members hate these so much.  We have them all the damn time and it's always the same information.  Kevin tells us to do our best, how proud he is, blah blah blah…

Today I'm not even paying attention. I'm rehearsing the steps in my brain.  I got another leading role for this production and I'm determined to continue my success.  I've essentially lived in the studios for the past months, learning, practicing, and perfecting.  This show will help me cement my place in the company. I just need to be perfect.

When Kevin finally dismisses us I make my way to my dressing room alone.  Inside it's filled with things I've received from fans: little letters, pictures, souvenirs. It's amazed me at how fast the letters come in. When I mentioned it to Kevin he laughed and simply said I was too charming for my good. Regardless they're simple and most importantly easy decoration. Other people have pictures upon pictures of family and friends, but this is all I need.

They serve as reminders as to why I dance and everything I had to lose.  This is my reward: the success and admiration. I live to dance and dance to live, that's how it’s always been.  I lost sight of that when I was with him.  I remember now.

I go out on stage with those thoughts in mind and perform. Tonight that decorated box and its inhabitants don't cause me to hesitate. I never would have been happy up there.  I know that now and I do what I do best: perform.

During intermission I'm in my dressing room changing when Olivia and Emma walk in.  I'm surprised to see them.  We haven’t had much time to talk recently, probably my fault. ''Hey girls.''

They make themselves at home, sitting on the empty space on my vanity as well as the floor. Olivia smiles, ''Lovey, we came to convince you to come out tonight.''

''Tonight? Why?''

She laughs then notices herself in the mirror and takes a moment to admire herself. I roll my eyes, and wait for her to get bored. Finally she focuses back on me. ''To celebrate another successful opening night.''

''Isn't it a bit early to make those plans? We have an entire act left.'' By nature dancers are superstitious, especially about performances.  I'm surprised Olivia is tempting fate.

She continues though waving her hand dismissively.  ''You should hear what everyone is saying already.  A few critics have already raved to Kevin.''

''Really?''

Emma chimes in, ''Yep! The whole company feels good about this one.''

''And-'' Olivia faces me, her eyes serious. ''Everyone is mentioning your name, looks like you could be getting the Principal dancer position sooner rather than later.''

IT takes a moment for me to absorb her words completely.  I had hoped, even assumed, but for the company to be gossiping about it? That practically made it a one deal. ''Oh my god.''

''I know!'' Olivia squeals.

I smile, unbelievably happy. ''This is incredible.'' Everything that I had worked for was going to be validated. This wasn’t supposed to happen to people like me. It's all just so incredible. ''I can't believe it.''

Olivia nods.

''Especially considering how you got your first featured role.'' Emma mentions offhand.

Olivia eyes widen, while I look at her confused. ''Emma, stop.''

''What?'' She glances at me. ''Oh.''

The blood runs cold and my mind tried to work through her words. I'm confident in everything that I've done. I haven’t gotten handouts, no one has been there to give them to me. Is she talking about my scholarship to the Ballet School? No, I earned that too. I've worked my ass off for everything. My blood boils now.  What the hell is she insinuating?

''Emma, what are you talking about?'' My voice doesn’t betray the anger simmering inside of me.

She stutters lightly when she speaks. ''Nothing really just some gossip about your Sleeping Beauty part.''

Sleeping Beauty? Sure, Kevin took a chance on me but he explained his choice and said I had to be perfect, hardly an easy task.

''Explain.'' I demand.

''Louisa, it's nothing really.'' Olivia tries to ease the tension.

''Then just tell me.'' I look between my two friends. ''Come on.''

They look unsure at first but I keep staring, pleading with my eyes.

Olivia sighs, ''Fine. Tell her.''

Emma looks a little too excited to share the story. ''So apparently Kevin had already chose Yvanka for the lead but then a high profile patron called and essentially demanded you get the part instead.''

I have my suspicions about just who that mysterious patron is but I have to ask. ''Who is the patron?''

Emma leans in lowering her voice. ''Prince Harry.''

Fucking hell.

I'm not mad at Emma any longer, no not at all. If this is true one man has my undivided anger.

The clock in my room tells me I have about ten minutes until curtain for the second act, which should be plenty of time. I'm grabbing my robe and leaving before I have time to reconsider.

Olivia's voice calls out, ''But everyone knows you deserve it now!''

''Really! Most people don't hate you at all.''

Their words, though coming from the right place don't soothe any of the anger.

I walk quickly through the backstage ignoring the odd looks I receive. A stage hand points to their watch in warning but I continue moving. I know exactly how much time I have or don't have. Kevin watches from the same box every single show so I walk that way.

I burst into the room. Kevin looks at me shocked for a moment. ''Miss Woods, don't you have somewhere to be?''

He's sitting in one of the armchairs facing away from the stage. His bowtie is undone and he's holding a glass filled with warm brown liquid, the picture of an unaffected gentleman.

''Miss Woods?'' he stares at me. ''It's been a wonderful performance so far, but there is a second half.''

I ignore his comments, ''I have a question.''

'"Very well, make it quick.''

''Did Harry tell you to give me the part in Sleeping Beauty?''

My director doesn't seem surprised by the question.  He takes a slow sip.  I stare impatiently. When he looks at me I can see the pity and the apology in his eyes. I know the answer.

''Yes.''

The breath leaves my lungs hearing the confirmation. ''Unbelievable.'' I start pacing.  The movement offering a quick release for the rekindled anger. ''Why would-''

And I remember the conversation we had shortly before Kevin offered me the part…

''So you want to be one of these…'' He trails off.

''Principal Dancers, yes. That would be the ultimate success.  If I don't think it will happen here, I can try another company.  New York has always intrigued me.''

Harry's fork pauses half way to his lips, ''You can't be serious.''

''What?''

''What's wrong with London?'' He asks.

I shrug, ''Nothing, but ballet dancers rarely stay in one place their entire careers.  It would not be unusual for me to move around a little. It's not like I have family here.''

''I'm here.'' And I can see the hurt in his eyes.

I bit my lip, ''But not for much longer.''

He sets his fork down harshly, ''Let's not mention the future again.  I don't particularly like to think about it.''

His outburst surprises me.  I look at him with wide eyes.  I slowly nod. ''I'll I'm saying is that if the opportunity arises I would take it.''

Harry seems to think that over for a moment. And then he nods, ''Hopefully it won't come to that.''

''Hopefully,'' I agree.

''Miss Woods let me assure you that you exceeded expectations.'' Kevin's words pull me out of the memory playing like a film in my head.

I look at him, tears welling up. ''But I didn’t earn it.''

''Think of it as your big break.'' He places a gentle hand on my shoulder. ''You have nothing to be ashamed of.''

I shake my head, ''I got my first featured role because I was fucking the patron.''

He doesn’t flinch at my harsh words. ''Miss Woods-''

I'm walking away before he can finish.  I have one more stop now.

Conveniently all the boxes are on the same level of the theater. It will be easy to get to the man I intend to throttle now.

''Miss Woods, I know what you want to do but you really should not do this.'' I shrug off Kevin's restraining hand.

Most people have already returned to their comfortable seats so the hall is virtually empty.  The plush carpet is soft on the hard soles of my point shoes. I'm sure I'm generating friction but I keep moving.

''Miss Woods, the show!'' I keep ignoring him.

I follow the curved walls until I see two RPOs appear. Found it. With a calming breath I approach them a plan forming in my head. They look at me oddly probably trying to decide whether or not I'm a threat.

''Gentlemen, is James available currently?''

They look at one another and then shrug. Without a word one disappears and James comes out, ''What the- Louisa?''

I wave, ''Can I talk to you privately please?''

His brows are furrowed, but he follow me to an alcove, ''What's going on?''

''I need to see Harry. If he can meet up just send a note backstage with instructions.''

James looks down and away, ''Louisa, do you really think that’s best?''

I grasp his arm tightly and capture his gaze in mine. Hopefully he can understand how desperate I am. ''James it is imperative I speak to him. Do you understand?''

He blinks but nods slowly, ''Okay, I understand.''

''Thank you.'' I flash a small smile and turn to walk away.

His hand pulls me back, ''I can't force him to meet with you.''

''I understand.'' A part of me knows that he's going to come. His curiosity will get the better of him.

I walk away the anger pushed back for a while. As I pass by Kevin he runs his hands over his face, ''Happy now?''

''Fucking thrilled.''

'"Get back to the stage.'' There's an underlying threat in his voice so I follow the order.

Before I know it we're doing bows. I step out for my call and take in the full audience and the standing ovation. I bow relishing in the moment before joining the rest of the company.

When I enter my dressing room there's a note on the door with familiar handwriting. It's an address and a time. Perfect.

I'm leaving the theater in almost record time letting myself melt into the late night London crowd.

On the Tube the anger finally starts to come back.  Now that my job is one I can fully focus on Harry's mistake. The audacity he had to interfere, to try to tie me down when he had no intention of staying. I shake my head.

As I approach the hotel I feel a twinge of anxiety. I shouldn’t do this or should I?  He's a married man but meeting up with doesn’t mean anything will happen.  We're meeting in a public space, a hotel lounge.  Nothing can happen. I push back the fear and focus on the anger. The anger is safe and easy.

The lounge is empty so I head for the bar. I barely sit down when James appears next to me, ''Miss Woods.''

''James.''

''Come with me.''

We walk side by side through the large lobby and then we walk towards the elevator. I stop. ''Where are we going?''

''There's a room.''

So much for a public place. I swallow thickly. It's been months since I've seen him. I've moved on from the romantic part of our relationship. I can do this. ''Okay.''

When we get to the room James merely opens the door and allows me to walk in. The door shuts behind me.

I step further into the room. It's fairly dark, only a bedside table light on to illuminate the sparse furnishings. It's a simple room, comfortable but nothing grand. I lean against the wall waiting for Harry to arrive.

The bathroom door opens and Harry steps out. For a second I just stare.  He's in what's left of a tuxedo.  The formal dress pants are missing their belt and the suspenders hand down around his hips.  His jacket and bow tie are gone leaving a small amount of skin exposed near his neck. His sleeves are rolled up exposing the thick veins in his forearms. Seeing those tendons reminds me just how those strong arms feel wrapped around me. I swallow. When I muster up the courage to look at his face I know I've made a mistake.

The light from the bathroom illuminates one side of his face, emphasizing the strong jaw line and straight nose. He is clean shaven and his eyes seem to glint just slightly.  He looks good, tired but good.

He looks like my Harry, the man who promised me the world before he took it all away.

''This was a mistake.'' I blurt out.

My mind tells me to flee and I do. I'm walking ready to get back to safety. As I walk past him he reaches out but pulls back as if he reconsidered. ''Stop.''

And for some reason I do.

''You wanted this meeting. I've stayed away, like you asked. So now you're going to stay and talk.''

His words rekindle my anger. He sounds put out even offended as if our predicament was my fault. I face him, ''Oh did I inconvenience you?''

''I'm not going to be at your beck and call.''

''Yeah doesn’t it feel like shit?'' My not so subtle reminder seems to jar him for a moment. He blinks almost looking apologetic. I push forwards. ''Anyways I'm not here to rehash what you did to me that day.  No, I'm pissed at you for something else entirely.''

''Oh?''

''Yeah,'' I focus for a moment, watching his face for any small signs of guilt. ''Did you order Kevin to give the role in Sleeping Beauty?'' The anger falls away and his eyes soften. I take a step back, ''Fuck, you did.''

''Order is a harsh word.''

''Are you fucking kidding me?'' I take another step back, sick of this semantic bullshit. ''What? You thought I couldn’t do it on my own, was that it?''

''That's not it and you know it.''

He takes a step forward, I put my hand out to stop his progress. ''You realize everything I have now is because of you because I was fucking you.''

I look at him wanting nothing more than to slap him across his stupid, handsome, conniving face. ''I wouldn’t have gotten the part in Carmen tonight without the part you bought for me. You know they're talking about making me a principal dander all because of your intervention!''

My voice is shrill when I finish and I'm sure that the RPOs outside hear my tirade. I don't even care at this point. I just feel so used.

''Isn't this what you always wanted?  You've done it, become a principal dancer, you achieved your dream.''

My mouth drops open slightly. ''You don't even understand. I didn’t do it, you did! God damn you Harry.''

Forever there will be a link between him and my career. I'll never forget him. I can understand the irony. Months ago I would have done anything for proof of what he had. Well now I've got it.

I lean against the wall my head hitting against the back.  Eventually I glance over to Harry who is just staring at me. ''Why did you do it?''

He looks down for a moment and he kicks off his shoes. ''You were talking about leaving London. I knew the part would keep you here.'' He sighs and sits on the bed. ''keep you with me.''

He makes a sad picture, sitting there in this run of the mill hotel. I almost feel bad. Pushing away from the wall I crouch down in front of him.  ''You had your chance and you walked away.''  My voice hitches towards the end so I stand, knowing that there isn’t anything else to say.

''I thought you were pregnant.'' His words are quiet but I hear them perfectly.

My hand hovers over the doorknob and my freedom. Walk away Woods. ''What?''

He continues even though I haven’t turned around, his voice is thick with some emotion. ''When James insisted that I see you because you said it was 'imperative' my mind immediately went to the impossible.''

Impossible is right considering I haven’t seen him in months. I stay frozen near the door one hand raised.

''It was stupid and unfair but for the rest of the show tonight I pretended that it was April again. You were mine and I as yours. I couldn’t shake the image. I had to see you.''

My eyes close knowing exactly what he's imagined. It was something I used to frequently fantasize about. The two of us at Belcourt with our children. It can't be though.

''I miss you so goddamn much Lou.'' His voice breaks hard and I hear his quick inhale of breath.

The emotion rushes over the walls I've built up. I turn away from the door walking to Harry.

He's seated head in hands. His shoulders are heaving. It's a position I'm familiar with, when you're too tired of fighting the emotion you've been holding back.  The helpless, out-of-control feeling that doesn’t fade away.

I kneel in front of him placing my hands on his. Slowly ii pull away his hands.  Tears are brimming around his eyes, evidence of those feelings. Up close I can see the lines at the corner of his eyes the bags underneath too. This close I can see he's not just tired, he's haggard.  He doesn’t look like a man six months into wedded bliss. I press my forehead to his. ''I'm here now..''

He sighs heavily his breath fanning against my lips. ''I don't- I can't.-''

''Harry, I'm here.'' I hold his head tightly tilting it up slightly. ''We're here.''

''It's been too long.'' His words are labored, rough. ''What I did, I was just trying to protect- and what you said later-''

''It doesn’t matter.'' I insist, my words surprising me. It should still matter. He's still married, but it doesn’t matter. I'm watching this man that I loved hurt.  Harry, my harry is drowning and I can save him.

''Forget it all,'' I slow my words and rub small circles on his temples. ''I'm here.''

He looks up to me and I can only describe the look there as pure adoration. Harry must be further gone than I thought. He nods and then hugs me close.

It's awkward at first considering he's still seated and I'm kneeling on the floor but I don't care. I'm back in his arms surrounded by his familiar warmth. It's as addictive as ever.

Before I can react Harry has pulled me into his laps my legs straddling his upper thigs. Gasping I grip his shoulders tightly. We're face to face. In his eyes I can see the desire growing, igniting.  Very slowly he reaches out to tuck away a loose strand of my hair. My eyes drift close.

''Look at me.'' His voice is quiet.

I can't seem to focus.

''Open your eyes.'' His voice is low and gravely.  A large hand settles around the back of my neck, squeezing slightly.

My eyes fly open. I see my desire reflected in his eyes.

''If we do this I can't lose you again.'' He blinks.  ''I just can't.''

Slowly I swallow. This is the point of no return. I know that I f I don't walk away now leaving again will destroy us both. I've experienced the pain once and we almost didn’t survive. Round two will kill us. Is it worth it?

I nod.

''I can't get a divorce. Do you understand?''

My heart answers before I can think logically. ''I understand.''

He smiles, a grin full of promise and love.  His lips capture mine. I can only describe the initial contact as coming home. It's the most right feeling I've felt in months.  

AN: Hmmmm, will this end well? The next chapter will be posted within the week. 

Chapter 13                                                                                        Chapter 15

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 13

AN: Just got back from vacation so I apologize for the absence but it did allow me to get a good jump on writing. This chapter is very short, but I’m posting the next one tonight and it���s longer. Thank you for your patience! Have a good day

Harry's POV

''Harry? Darling? We're going to be late.'' Jane's voice calls out to me.  She's right; I am slightly behind schedule. It was difficult getting out of bed this morning. Hell it's been difficult to motivate myself to do much of anything recently.  

I've lived in wedded bliss for just over three months now.  Jane and I have established a comfortable routine. We're apart for most of the day and then have a dinner together in the evening. It's a simple thing to do: pretend to be in love with your wife for five hours a day.

Yes, I thought without Louisa in my life Jane would eclipse her.  There was a time when I was in love with Jane. With Louisa gone I figured I could tap into those feelings again. It's been three months and those feelings have yet to appear.  But I'm playing the role of good husband. I shower her with gifts, I compliment her I let her choose the curtains. In a few more months it will all be settled.

I drink too much at dinner, but Jane's family usually drives me to drink.  They're fishing for handouts, gifts anything to raise their station further. It's bloody annoying is what it is.  And of course we spend time talking about when Jane and I are going to have kids. I had to stop myself from saying that we will once I've stopped loving my mistress. They're smart though, they know that once Jane and I have a child all their futures are set.

When we get back to our temporary residence I head straight to the bar. ''Do you really think you need anything more to drink?''

''Yes.'' I answer. ''Blame it on your family.''

She rolls her eyes, ''My family may not be perfect but neither is yours.''

''You married me for my family.'' As soon as the words are out of my mouth I've realized my mistake.

''You know that's not why I married you. And if you truly think that we have bigger problems.'' Her voice is strained.  She walks off to our bedroom. Fuck.

Immediately I follow her, ready to smooth over my baffonishness. She's in the bathroom, I can hear the water running. I sit on the bed and raise my voice. ''Jane, I'm sorry dear. I shouldn’t have said that. I was frustrated and obviously drunk please don't hold it against me.''

The door opens, ''Make it up to me.''

I raise my head and my mouth drops open.  Jane, dear sweet Jane, is standing in lingerie, rather revealing lingerie.  The white lace leaves little to the imagination and I can feel myself responding. Who wouldn’t?  She is a beautiful woman.

She saunters towards me, her movements a little clumsy but there's plenty of other things to praise. We've been having sex, I didn’t think there was anything wrong on that front. But apparently Jane had different ideas.

''You treat me like a porcelain doll. You barely touch me, as if afraid to break me.'' She stops in front of me and I have to tilt my head all the way back to meet her eyes. ''Please Harry, use me.''

I can't tell her the reason I treat her carefully is because it hurts to touch her, to kiss her to caress her to bring some sort of pleasure to her.  It hurts because I yearn for someone else, burn for someone else. Tonight though maybe we'll turn over a new leaf.

My hands skim along her small curves, amazed at the goosebumps that arise in their wake. I cup her breasts in my hands, smaller but just as firm. Jane watches me carefully. ''Please.''

No man can resist that plea.  It's begging with just the sweetest sound of desire. God help me, I'm going to hell. Straight to hell.

''Get on the bed wife.''

I fuck her.  

Lying in bed moments later Jane is asleep and well satisfied. Her body is curled close to mine, but I maintain my distance.  I've dirtied myself and her. I had no business touching her tonight, using her like she was someone else.

I get out of bed and walk towards the bathroom. I turn on the shower not even waiting for the water to heat up. Alone with the water pounding on my back I feel disgusting. This is going to eat us both alive. If I can't get my act together neither of us is going to survive in this marriage long enough to have kids.  

Recommit yourself Wales, this is your life. You could have walked away.  I pound the glass shower door.

God I miss her, I need her and Jesus Christ I still love her.

AN: Like I said short, but important! Next one will be up later today. 

Chapter 12                                                                                       Chapter 14

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 12

AN: Here’s the new update! Thanks for all the notes/messages, you know the drill. You all are great!!

Louisa's POV

''Everyone please gather around.'' Kevin's voice cuts through the small conversations taking place on stage.  ''Please hurry, we do not have that much time.''

Olivia rolls her eyes, but she stops talking. The assembled company stands and looks at Kevin. We are all in various states of dress being called here just minutes before final call. I roll my neck feeling my body start to tighten.  I didn’t spend thirty minutes stretching just to ruin it all now. My foot taps quickly.

''I briefly wanted to say congratulations on another very successful run,'' the company breaks out into a smattering of applause.  Kevin holds up a hand for quiet. ''Truly, you all have impressed every one of us.  And the public has responded as well. Sleeping Beauty has been one of our most profitable productions yet.''

Kevin is smiling, obviously enthused. I just shake my head, it always does come back to money with our director. I let my mind wonder as Kevin no doubt expands upon our fiscal success.

''And of course, we have to congratulate the beautiful Miss Woods for performing so beautifully as our prima ballerina.'' Kevin smiles and gestures at me.

The company turns to me clapping and smiling.  I even hear a few whistles from the back. I simply nod and wave, really wanting to get to the end of this speech.

''So tonight, break a leg. And really well done all.''

We all disperse. Immediately I begin to shake out my limbs, willing the blood to circulate again.  My limbs start to feel lighter again. I sigh, thank god.

I get back to my dressing room to see my costume laid out as well as a cup of tea. I smile, the little perks to being the star definitely helps.  Sitting in the dimly lit room I take a few moments to relax. I even debate putting on some music.  

When I'm dressed there's a knock on the door. ''Come in.''

The door opens and it's one of our stage hands holding a bouquet of flowers. ''For you Miss Woods, should I just leave-''

''Wait.'' I stand and check the flowers for a card. The writing on it is familiar, a dead giveaway. My heart skips for a moment.  With steady fingers I return the card to the flowers. ''You can throw them in the bin.''

The man blinks, ''Are you sure?''

''Yes.'' I'm sitting at my vanity, busying myself with stage makeup.

''Is everything all right Miss Woods?''

I can hear the concern in his voice. I send him a soft, hopefully calming smile. ''Of course, I'm just allergic.  Have a good night.''

Effectively being dismissed the man scurries away. As the door click shuts I exhale. My hands non longer steady they shake. Finally I have to place them on the counter. He's here. Of all the bloody nights for him to show up. The show has been running for a month now and they haven’t come, but tonight they do. I shake my head.  I knew I shouldn’t have thought I could avoid this. His wife loves the ballet, she is the one who wants to come and watch.

I've distanced myself from that day. As far as I'm concerned it was the wedding of two strangers, who belong on the cover of glossy magazines not anyone I knew. Besides, the man I know would have at least warned me. I groan.

For fuck's sake let it go Louisa.

He never had any intention of coming back for me.  If I've learned anything in my life it's that everyone has an expiration date. Once they've used you up they'll drop you. That's how it's always been. Of course, I had assumed being in love might be different. Tears threaten at that thought. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly.

''Miss Woods, we need you!''

I choke out, ''Coming.'' I hear them walk away. Finally.  I stand, collecting my thoughts. Much to my frustration my hands continue to shake.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

In

Out

In

Out

Nothing, my hands continue to shake.

I slam them on the counter, the pain flashes out from my palm. Fuck that hurt. When I lift my hands though, they've stopped shaking. Good.  Now just to finish this ballet.

It's probably the worst performance I've ever given. I fall out of one of my turns.  The whole performance I can feel his gaze.  The theater is full and yet I know exactly where he is. It's as if he stared into my soul. I feel naked bare, and I know that I can't look back at him.  If I saw him it would all be lost.

And the curtain call is a saving grace.  I can feel the tensions around me. Marc, the Prince, pulls me close for a second. ''Darling, is everything okay?''

No.

I nod my head and then brush his hand away.  As we step out a smile blandly.  When it's my turn to step forward I'm surprised by the applause and standing ovation. It never gets old, seeing an audience truly appreciate your work, even if tonight's work was rather shite. I send a gracious smile and bow slightly. As my head rises, my gaze sweeps the audience.  Accidentally it crosses the box.  He stands applauding, his bright red hair a beacon.  She stands beside him and whispers something, but he continues to look at me.

My hands start to shake again. Slowly I walk back, joining the rest of the line.

Marc grasps my hand tightly as we give our last bows.

When the curtain finally falls I take a deep breath, then feel my legs give out.  There's gasps from the company behind me as I hit the floor. My head spins, overwhelmed by everything.

Marc's face is above me all blurry. He's saying something, but I'm not sure.

Then Olivia's face appears, she pulls me up quickly. ''Come on, let's get you back to your room.''

I'm thankful to leave the crowd of dancers that had crowded around. Olivia walks with me, really carries me to my dressing room.  Carefully I sit down and inhale a bottle of water.

''Love, you need a break.'' Olivia finally remarks.

I nod, still guzzling.

''Anything you want to share?'' My friend is fishing for something.

I take a deep breath, but refuse to meet her eyes. ''Not particularly.''

Olivia leans on my counter facing me. I grab a makeup wipe and stare adamantly into the mirror. Olivia stares at me as I start to remove my makeup. Maybe if I ignore her she'll give up.

''So…'' Or maybe not. ''You and Mystery Man parted ways.''

I glance at my friend, her look clearly saying that she wants information. I focus on making my voice nonchalant. ''Yes, but I'm dealing with it.''

''You've been quiet, pale, exhausted,-''

''I get your point.'' I snap.

''Testy.'' She finishes, but sends me a sympathetic smile. ''Look, we're here for you. We are one big, happy family, which doesn’t dissipate once you become the big fancy prima ballerina.''

I squeeze her hand. ''Thanks. I appreciate it, but I'll be fine.''

''Strong, stubborn Louisa.'' Olivia shakes her head. ''Tonight though, let's go out and get pissed!''

Her suggestion doesn’t sound all too bad. Truthfully I don't remember the last time I had a night out with just the girls. IT's tempting to be sure. One night of dancing, drinks, no pressure. I smile, as a matter of fact that sounds perfect.

There's a knock on the door. I roll my eyes, but Olivia chuckles. ''Probably one of your many many fans.''

I ignore her baiting, ''Come in!''

When James walks in I don't quite believe it. Olivia's eyes widen as she shamelessly checks him out. She raises her brows at me, ''Well I'll leave you two then. Louisa just loves her fans.''

She waltzes out and I feel my face heat. When the door closes I look at James who appears extremely uncomfortable. ''What are you doing here?''

''He wants to know if you got the flowers.''

There's no mistaking who he is.

I go back to removing my makeup. ''Get out.''

''What?''

''Do I really need to repeat myself?  Get the fuck out.''

''Miss Woods, it was a simple-''

I stand, my makeup forgotten. Turning to the PO I glare, ''Simple? Simple! What about this situation is simple Mr. Parker?''

''Well, it was just-''

I hold up my hand, angry at this entire god forsaken situation. ''You know what is simple? He's married. That's it. That's the beginning and the end as far as I'm concerned. Tell your boss to never contact me again or we're going to have issues got it?''

He swallows quickly. I might have actually rattled the poor man. ''Understood ma'am.''

''Good.'' I sit back down, letting my limbs go loose.  That drink with the girls is sounding better and better.  ''Will you go now?''

''All right.'' He turns to leave but pauses. ''How are you doing, really doing?''

I look up to the heavens searching for some divine intervention or maybe a lightning strike, neither of which come. ''It's really none of your business.''

He nods shortly, ''Well, considering the last time that we saw one another…''

I close my eyes, ''Please stop. I'm working through this the best way I can. Just let me for fuck's sake.'' My voice breaks, and I look down.  There's a crumpled makeup wipe in my hand crumpled and torn.

''Very well, good night Miss Woods.''

When the door closes I look in the mirror. I'm in the middle of the transition between stage and real life. My hair is still in its tight, high bun, a few wisps struggling to get free. The makeup is smudged and flaking, mascara streaking. And the sparkles from my costume glint in the low lighting. I'm in between being the princess and L

ouisa. I can see now, up close how flimsy the disguise was.  It's clear that it's just me underneath the makeup. The magic gone, much of it on the crumpled on the tissue in my hands.

Alone, staring at a broken, flimsy illusion I can't help but cry.

AN: Let me know what you think, everyone have a lovely week!

Chapter 11                                                                                         Chapter 13

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Update 5/17/2016

In honor of 100 followers and the new update coming out tonight!! Woo Woo

[whydontyoustay-phff]

Chapter 11

AN: Thank you for the feedback for last chapter and thank you for not sending death threats or the like after you read it! Anyways the story goes on, enjoy! Once again, this chapter picks up where chapter 9 left off, so before the actual ceremony. 

Harry's POV

James pulls the car into Clarence House. My heart skips slightly, this is going to be hell. I close my eyes, taking a breath.  But oh fuck it's going to be worth everything, to have her. ''Sir?'' James asks.

''Yes?'' What could he possibly have to say now?

''Congratulations.''

I glance up to see him looking at me through the rearview mirror. He's smiling.  I shake my head, unable to not smile. I'm sure I look like an idiot, but I just feel so damn happy.  ''Thank you.''

I get out of the car, the early morning crisp.  As I walk through the halls, I rehearse my speech but my brain keeps straying to Louisa. I can't wait to get back to her. I walk more quickly, desperate to get this ugly business over with. I move towards the staircase, assuming my father will still be asleep.

''Harry.''

My hand freezes above the staircase. I turn.  My father is already awake.  He stands near his study. I swallow, clearing my throat. ''I need to talk with you.''

''Come on then.'' He steps back into his office motioning for me to follow.

In his study there's a single lamp on, casting a soft glow over the large room.  The coffee table is covered with folders and papers, as well as what I assume is a cooling cup of tea.

''Father, I-''

''Have a seat.'' He interrupts.

We sit down.

''Continue.''

''Father, I've well, uh-'' I pause, collecting my thoughts for a moment. ''I've been keeping something from the family for a while.''

''I see.''

He doesn’t seem to want to add anything else. So I focus on finally saying this bit.

''I've been seeing a woman.''

I glance up at my father, waiting to see his anger.  Instead he stares back at me blandly.  I'm wondering if he's heard me. I expected anger, or at least any reaction.

I cough, ''A woman other than Jane.''

Still nothing.

''Father?''

He blithely gestures, ''Continue.''

I twist my hands together. ''She's amazing really. She's just so full of life and spirited. Hell, dad she doesn’t take shit from anyone, not even me. And she's talented, and beautiful of course. She's just-'' I sigh. ''She's perfect.''

''I see.''

I glance up again, wondering if my father's hearing may be worse than I thought.

The room is eerily quiet for a moment as I wait to hear what he's going to say. Maybe I should just continue talking.

Suddenly my father pins my gaze with his, ''Thank you for sharing this Harry. I'm sure it was difficult.''

His words clam me. Maybe, just maybe this won't be as difficult as I thought it would be. I open my mouth to share the real issue. However my father continues to speak.

''And I know that today is going to be exceptionally trying as well as the next few months. But as I've said before you and Jane are compatible, a good fit. Things will fall into place.''

It takes a moment for me to realize my father's fundamental misunderstanding. He obviously still expects me to marry Jane. I shake my head, straitening to my full height. ''Father, I should-''

''It will fade soon, you'll see. And maybe, maybe years down the road you can continue the affair.'' He chuckles lightly. ''Although, I would discourage that of course.''

I can't help but think about my mother and father's own failed marriage. He was feeling these same things before he married mum. I squeeze my eyes shut, impossible. I love Lou more than this. I love her enough to walk away.

I stand, pacing slowly.

''I've known.''

I turn, shocked. He can't mean that he knew about Louisa. We were careful, covered everything.

He places a hand on my shoulder gently, ''Son, I'm the Prince of Wales, did you really think that we had no idea.''

He has a point I suppose, but why would they let me continue this? Why wouldn’t they interfere?

''Distractions aren't necessarily a bad thing. Your grandfather and I understand that.''

''She isn't a distraction.'' I bite out.

''And that could pose a problem.'' My father drops his hand.

''Father, I need you to listen to me.''

''I am listening Harry.'' I hear underlying tension in his tone.

I roll my eyes, ''Fine.'' With one final deep breath I tell him. ''I'm not marrying Jane. I'm walking away so that I can marry-''

''Stop!'' My father's voice booms. I see he's finally heard me. ''Have you lost your bloody mind?''

''No.  Jane is lovely, but I'm not in love with her. I won't doom either of us to a loveless marriage.'' I stay strong, my voice steady.

Slowly, my father stands. ''Being 'in love' was never and will never be a requirement for a royal marriage.  It can be an added bonus sure, but it is much more than being in love.  I thought you understood that.''  He sneers as we stand toe to toe. ''What would make you the exception?''

His words run my blood cold. My father has devoted his life to the 'Firm' but he can hardly lecture me about putting one's feelings aside.

''I'm fighting for this. I won't walk down that aisle today.''

''You will march your arse down that aisle and so those bloody vows or you can say goodbye to your HRH, to your inheritance and to this family.''

My father verbalizes my worst fear. I told James that this is what would happen. I'll lose everything. For a moment I panic. It's a terrifying future: no family, no identity, a virtual restart. And then I remember that I could hold Lou in public, she could have our children. She would finally be mine.

I straighten my shoulders, ''Fine.''

''Fine?'' My father asks incredulous.

''I'm not getting married to Jane. I'm walking away.''

I leave my father shocked and slack-jawed. With every step I take I feel more confident, more comfortable in this decision. Every step I take brings me closer to Lou.

''Have you thought about her?'' His voice causes a slight falter in my steps. ''What this will do to her?''

I don't turn, just glance slightly back. ''We are going to lay low for a bit. Once time has passed we'll go public.''

''I see.'' There's some rustling of papers. ''We know who she is.''

I roll my eyes, ''Father, please.''

''Again, I'm the bloody Prince of Wales.  Of course we know.'' I turn now to see him holding out a folder. He throws it on the table. ''If you walk away, we release the information.  Before you can prepare a well-thought-out, heartwarming statement about leaving Jane at the altar your affair will be in the press. Every lurid detail will become public: the late night phone calls, the texts, the secret meetings.  There will be no time to 'lay low.'  She'll be ruined. She can't afford to be ruined.''

I take a step forward, angry. ''Don't threaten Louisa.''

''Do your duty today and I won't be forced to.''

Every fiber of my being wants to slap my father in his smug face. He shouldn’t do this to me. I'm his goddamn son. Of course, this has always been the way of things. Sacrifice one to save us all. Can I risk it now? Would Lou survive this?  If she couldn’t dance again she would hate me. It would be over regardless.

''Your mother struggled to be a desirable, independent woman in the press. Would you allow the same to happen to,'' he pauses for a moment. ''Louisa?''

It's low. This last effort by my father makes me recoil. He's sick, ruthless, and at this moment I wished I didn’t belong to this circus. Maybe if I contacted gran she would help, or Anne. They've been a support system. My head spins.

''Would you really do this?'' I ask, but I can see the certainty in his eyes. He had this prepared, just in case I didn’t pass the test. ''You disgust me.''

''I do what I have to for this family. You know that does not mean those of us on this earth today. It's the generations before us and god willing those who will hold the throne long after we're gone. Do not be the weak link.  Your actions have the power to imbalance everything we've worked for. Do not give them an excuse to question why we exist. By very definition we are supposed to be better than the common man. Goddammit Harry, act like it. You'll preserve the Firm and save her. Make the right choice.''

We both stand, just staring at the other. In this moment I hate him. He's protecting the Firm sure, but he also thinks he's helping me. He's making the decision easier for me. I despise that he's dragged Louisa into this, but fuck if it doesn’t make this a simple choice.

''Fine.''

My father visibly relaxes. He nods. ''I will see you in a few hours then.''

''I'm not doing this for you or for this damn family. I'm protecting Louisa. She won't survive what your press core would do to her.  She'll walk away from me unscathed.''

''Whatever compels you to the church this morning.'' He says, taking a sip of his tea. ''It does not matter the reason just so you go.''

I have to walk away. His ambivalence tears at me. It's like speaking to a stranger.

Automatically, I start to walk to my old rooms in Clarence House. It was supposed to be where I spent last night. As I walk I can tell that the staff are starting to get ready. I pay them little attention. I can feel the anger and frustration rising. I want to break something, hurt someone just anything to feel a slightly less powerless.

''Sir?''

James voice stops me.

''Do you need the car?''

''No.''

''No?''

''I have a wedding to prepare for.'' I continue to walk, shutting the door to my room firmly shut behind me.

Instinctively, I pull out my phone. I scroll through my messages, finding Lou's number. My finger hovers over the top of her name. I want to call and explain, but I know just hearing her voice will bring me back to her. She'll tell me she'll be fine, that we can do this together. We wouldn’t be able to, not if father's people release the information this morning.

I press delete.

She's safe now.

I go through the motions for the next few hours. I dress and make small talk with my brother. Camilla remarks upon how handsome I look. I briefly smile. I can't bear to look my father in the eye.

William and I walk to the vehicle together. When he turn the corner I hear the cheers. William waves indulgently, before whispering. ''Harry, come on. Look less like you're going to your funeral.''

I nod, ''I'm just nervous.''

''Right, but the end is worth it.  Think about what this wedding will secure.''

His words remind me why I'm doing this. Of course my brother doesn’t know the double meaning.

Now I can smile, ''It's all worth it in the end.''

''That's the spirit.''

I keep that mantra in my head as our car drives through the crowds gathered. I focus on securing Lou's career and her safety. With slow even breaths I focus on that.

Before I know it we've arrived at Westminster. I make the familiar walk down the aisle without incident. And in what feels like only a moment it's time.

William and I walk out towards the altar. Nervously I pull on my sleeves, fidgeting with the cuffs. And then finally all I can do is stand is and wait. With my back turned I can easily imagine that this is a different wedding. My imagination creates the perfect one. William is by my side, Kate and little George too, but the Cecils are gone. The crowded church is gone as well.  I stand in St. George's at Windsor with the Spencers as well. Lou walks towards me dressed in a long white gown, it's thin, and gauzy like it would fit better in a field. But she looks beautiful and so very happy.  She smiles at me as she takes me hand. That beautiful smile so full of trust and love.

Someone nudges me. I jerk, realizing that it's William.

''She's close.''

I nod, ''I was meditating.''

''It's the happiest you've looked all morning.''

And they're here.

I turn my head to the side, seeing Jane's father first. I give him a respectful nod before I look at Jane. She smiles, but I can see the nerves.  Her skin is flushed, probably from the attention.  Standing here with the large tiara on she looks small, delicate. She looks soft.

I swallow, clearing my throat. ''You look lovely, absolutely so.''

She smiles fully now, ''Thank you Harry.''

There's nothing else to say.

We get through the ceremony. I remember my lines, Jane remembers my full name. It's a beautiful ceremony, but I'm happy as we begin the recession.

Jane keeps a tight hold on my hand as we slowly walk. I smile as we pass the assembled guests, murmuring thanks as we go.

As I glance down, someone catches my eye. I think I imagine it at first.  My mind hallucinating, putting her places where she doesn’t belong. But she's there.  Lou is sitting there, a blank expression on her face, any light and passion gone.

I look away, unwilling to watch her suffer.  I have to remind myself why I've done this. It was all for her.

It's the longest day of my life. By the end of the final toast I'm ready for it all to be over. I want to be in bed so I can forget about this nightmare for a few hours.

Jane and I are walking through the halls of Buckingham on our way to our honeymoon suite. We aren’t talking, maybe she's enjoying the quiet as well.  Purposefully I slow our walk, wanting to prolong the inevitable as much as possible. However we reach our suite, the door propped open slightly.

Jane looks up at me nervous, her teeth gnawing slightly at her lip.  The poor girl looks terrified, I almost want to laugh. ''Love, I'm going to run down to the kitchen for some pizza and maybe soda. It will give you some time to change. God knows the dress can't be that comfortable.''

''Perfect.'' Her stomach grumbles and she laughs. ''Pizza does sound delicious as well.''

''I'll be back soon.''

I pop down to the kitchen to place our request. Luckily, they aren’t too tired yet. I don't walk back to our suite though, no I walk to the cars. On my way I grab one of the leftover bottles of champagne. Perfect.

I know James is following as I approach a car. ''You know where I want to go.''

When we arrive at Belcourt, James goes first. I sit in the car and drink the champagne. I've lost track of how much I've had tonight. Bottles upon bottles no doubt. However, I can't seem to get as drunk as I want to be.

Once I've finished the bottle I'm tired of waiting for the PO.

I walk inside looking for some more booze.

Accidently, I walk into something. Good news, nothing breaks. James does appear though.  ''Ah there you are!'' I exclaim, waving my arm. This time something does break. ''Well fuck.''

''We should be going back to Buckingham sir, people are expecting you.'' James is using his calming PO voice. The one they use when they want us to forget that we're actually their bosses.

''People?'' I blur out. James sure does have an interesting way of putting things.  Jane is more than just a person now and I resent it.  ''You mean my wife, my beautiful wife, the perfect princess, her royal fucking highness the duchess of Sussex.''

God, I even hate the way it sounds.

''I'll get you some water.''

''Does it look like I want fucking water?'' I yell. ''All that I want is some peace and quiet. I need to be away from the crowd. Jane can wait a half an hour.''

''Very well sir.''

Finally.

I start to walk towards the study.

''Sir, where are you going?''

''The study, I want liquor.''

''I think there's some in the kitchen,'' James says, almost pleading.

I pause, my hand on the door frame.  Truthfully he might be right. Lou and I were always shuffling the booze around.

''Sir, follow me.''

I pause, my fingers curling into the wood.  Thinking her name in this house was a bad idea. I'm surrounded by her and our memories. Her laughing on the couch as I try to convince her Love Actually isn’t a terrible movie.  She won that argument of course. Her rehearsing in every available space.  The two of us sprawled across the bed upstairs. We were just us. Huh, it's like I can almost smell her perfume. This house is the physical embodiment of what I'll never have again.

I shove away from the door frame.  ''Bloody well time I sell this place I suppose.''

James doesn’t let me drink much and forces me to drink water before he drives me back to Buckingham.

I make the walk to Jane. I close the door with some finality.  When I enter the bedroom Jane is on top of the covers still in her dress, but thankfully asleep. There is a pizza box open on the dresser. I shake my head, not a single piece gone.

Quietly I slip off my jacket and tie.

I take one last look at my wife.  She's asleep, breathing heavily. I cover her with a blanket and then I leave.

I find a spot on the couch and fall asleep, dreaming of St. George's chapel and a blonde in a flowy white dress.

AN: After this chapter we’ll get into the aftermath of the wedding and all that juicy stuff. Have a great week!

Chapter 10                                                                                        Chapter 12

[whydontyoustay-phff]

I hate you, I love you by Gnash ft. Olivia O' Brien , song reminded me of your story. Hope you update soon!!

This is perfect, and I’m including a link because this was SPOT ON

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiQIc7fG9pA