#phff

[duchessanon]

For the love of Henri: Tome 7 - Legend of the Ginger Pubes

Looks like it's one tome per two years. The never awaited next chapter is here.

What you missed on FTLOH…Henri’s beloved first wife’s (Philanthropina)  death was faked by the evil Kate and Meghan. Meghan married Henri but after accidentally burning a piece of Jesu’s cross, she became hated by the nation. Meghan decided to get the public back on side by procreating…however Henri was reluctant to give up his nethers.

After two long weeks of marriage, Henri had still not exposed his nethers to Meghan. Every time that Meghan tried to seduce him, he claimed he had to teach paupers how to grow their own vegetables, or was going to sleep on the streets to connect to the homeless (something that was his idea before Bulliam stole it and took all the credit). 

Meghan had tried everything to entice his nethers. From dressing up as a sexy nurse, which resulted in her volunteering at the Hospital for the Sick and Decrepit after Henri mistook her intentions. To running them a romantic bath and having to scoop out all the water so Henri could water his plants. But alas, the nethers remained hidden.

One day, Meghan was lunching with Fergie, discussing the problems with her sex life. Fergie was the only member of the royal family who was as open as an American like her.

‘Have you tried getting your toes out?’ Fergie said, eating a grass sandwich.

‘Yes of course I have, he started doing “this little piggy” with them, honestly gave me the ick’

‘What about engaging in some dirty talk, maybe the whole tampon thing runs in the family?’

‘Actually Fergie, I’ll have you know Dear Papa Charles NEVER said he wanted to BE a tampon, just that it would be his luck that he’d become one!’

‘Tomatoes, tomatos. Anyway there might be something else you could do if you’re really serious about this baby business’. Fergie wiggled her eyebrows.

‘Spit it out woman!’ Meghan yelled, like the loud American she was. 

‘I know a woman who knows a woman who could get you a baby, it’ll be genetically yours and everything’ Fergie winked dramatically. 

‘But his nethers won’t arise for me, how am I supposed to get a genetically correct child?’

Fergie started waving around her hands and throwing petals in the air, whispering as pink smoke began circling around her. ‘As a royal wife, you are now privy to one of the family’s biggest secrets. Royals can create babies simply using their pubes! BUT, the baby MUST be carried by a Chosen One.’

Meghan gasped, ‘tell me more! Have there been previous Chosen Ones?!!!!’

‘Tiggy Leggy Iggy Wiggy Bourke, Julie Andrews, Rose (Allegedly) Chalomet’ 

‘Urm isn’t it Cholmondeley?’ 

‘Hush child!’ Fergie put a finger to Meg's mouth. ‘Speak not of what you know’.

‘Great I’ll have Julie’

‘FOOL, the Chosen One is chosen for you and can not be swopped between wives!!! Besides, only my beloved Eugbea has been blessed with the pipes of her Pube Mother, Julie’ Fergie span in a circle for dramatic effect.

‘Ok, no need to be so busybody! So Diana used Tiggy? You used Julie and Snake used Rose?! What a headfuck! Who did Liz use’

‘Are you DUMB!? Blood princesses don’t need a surrogate! That is only for married in women’. 

‘So what must I do?!’

Fergie’s eyes bulged with excitement. ‘Retrieve five pubes from Henri, and then consult the Mistress of the Pubes, she will tell you what to do next’

Meghan stroked her chin thoughtfully, ‘five pubes you say? Shouldnt be so hard…’

*

Later that day, Meg and Henri were watching a Richard Attenborough show side by side on the couch without touching.

‘Henri my love’ Meg cooed.

‘Yes dear’ Henri replied while reading Libby’s latest French novella, which they were planning to sell to raise money for three legged horses. 

‘I was just wondering about the consistency of your nether pubes’ she said.

Henri choked in embarrassment. How could she bring up such a lurid topic? ‘M-m-m-y nether pubes?’

‘Yes well, my friend Gwynyth Paltrow says it’s important for men to condition their pubes as it increases productivity - can I have a little sample of yours? I’ll send them to Goop HQ and they’ll make you a personalised conditioner!’

‘I don’t think so Meghan dear, I’m happy with my productivity levels. I’ve just beaten Aunty Anne for the first time on my engagement count!’ Henri was proud yet humble about this achievement, and was certainly NOT bragging.

Meghan scowled. She really thought mentioning productivity would get him. Henri was devoted to his work, after all.

Later that night, in bed but not touching, Henri was reading some Greek philosophy. On the cover was a Greek statue showing off his clean, bare nethers. She was struck with an idea.

‘You know my love, that is one on Phily’s old books isnt it?’

‘Why yes it is’, he said with a tear in his eye.

‘She had an awful lot of philosophy books with those statues on the cover, and I found a few of her hand carved sculptures in the garden. They all had very bare nethers’ she smirked.

‘Well that is the style, one can’t sculpt in pubic hair!’ Henri said defensively.

‘Phily could’, Meghan said. ‘Phily could do anything and she was a huge supporter of natural bodies, I wonder if she just didnt like pubes on men’

Henri’s mind raced back in time. Phily was a advocate for natural bodies and was patron of the We Love Our Bodies And Body hair Society. But it was also true that she loved Greek sculptures and pubeless men.

Henri leapt out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Five minutes later, he appeared looking sheepish. Meg went in, finding just what she was looking for. A used razor with ginger pubes stuck in it. She laughed manically ‘FINALLY MY TIME HAS COME!’

*

The next day Meghan hopped on a flight to NYC using Elton’s plane. She approached the door of the Den of the Mistress of the Pubes, which was actually the Penthouse Suite at the Plaza Hotel. 

After knocking on the door, someone called ‘who goes there?!’

It was a special code and Fergie had given Meghan the password - ‘BITCH FLAKES!’.

The door opened and Meghan smelt a familiar tropical scent - JLO Miami Glow perfume (2005). Outside the window she could see a beautiful sparking woman on top of the Empire State Building performing a pole dance. When Meghan blinked, the woman was in front of her.

‘JENNIFER LOPEZ?!!’ she exclaimed. ‘YOU’RE the Mistress of the Pubes?!’

‘You got it’ Mistress winked. ‘I’m real, the way I walk the way I talk…’

‘I can’t believe it, you can dance, act, sing (kinda) and make babies from pubes’

Mistress broke into song and Meghan stood awkwardly while she finished, ‘don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still Jenny from the block’.

‘Okaaay, so can you help me get pregnant?’ Meg said, knowing she could sing better.

‘You know I can’t get enough, I love that shit, you know I cant get enough, you love that shit’ Mistress wailed. 

‘Shut up birch! I dont wanna hear your fuckin album!’ Meghan screamed, her tongue lashing out and poking Mistress in the eye. 

‘Fine! What’s the problem?’

‘Henri wont give up his nethers and I need to get preggers so the British public forgive me for burning the cross of Jesu’ 

‘Wait, who are you and who’s Henri?’

‘Henri, Prince of the People!’

‘Ohhhh, Princess Phily’s man? God I miss her’, JLo wept as most people did when they talked about Phily. She was known and missed by every single human, animal and atom on the planet (apart from Meg, k8 and Willy). 

‘Well yes, I have his pubes and I need a baby’. She handed over the five ginger pubes in a golden napkin stolen from Liz.

JLo took them and tucked them between her tatas. ‘Come back this time tomorrow’.

*

That time the next day, Meg returned. She was off her face with excitement about who her surrogate could be. Surely for Henri, it wouldnt be some low level aristo like Rose (allegedly). Maybe it would be Dakota Johnson or Simone Biles!

When she got to the penthouse, Mistress JLo was there standing in front of a red curtain. Meg gasped when she saw who standing bouncing on his knees next to her.

‘Uncle Eddie?!’ Meg screamed.

‘It is I, Edward the curtain drawer-backer! No reveal can be made without me’

‘So this is how you make your extra cash’, Meg said.

‘Ok people, let’s not delay, the procedure was successful and I can confirm there is a royal baby on the way’, JLo said. ‘We will now reveal your surrogate’.

Eddie clapped and cheered.

JLo started singing as Eddie gripped onto the curtain rope. ‘Let’s get louuud, LET’S GET LOOOUUUUUD!!!!’

The curtain was pulled back revealing the surrogate. Meghan screamed like Kevin in Home Alone.

A stunning voluptuous lady was revealed, wearing a ruby bikini and a smile, ‘SHUT UP BIRCH, WHO PISSED IN YOUR FLAKES?’

It was Jimmu. 

TO BE CONTINUED...

[sweetbitterbitten]

"This is an heirloom. It must be worth something." @ mary

"nonsense, my friend." her gardener's hand encloses over his extended offering, as earth settled over precious seed; curling cold fingers about the jewel in question, her own overlaid as warm as sunbaked soil. "i will hear nothing of repayments for your stay here with us."

us, as if she were not s o l e mistress and caretaker of the manse in question. as if the phantoms of the past were mere passersby. or the house on the hill not a hulking, sentiency all itself.

"i shall only accept in equal trade, trinket for trinket. and even then only as a happy remembrance of the w e l c o m e company."

[lovely-writes-alot]

Open Starter

tw: There will be talk about death and murder and that kinda thing

Finley was inconsolable.

She had locked her away from everyone. She couldn't risk another incident.

She was just so mad.

It was all her fault. How could she be so stupid definitely not like she was 8 or anything phff not at all

So here she was, sobbing on the damn floor of her cabin after stubbing her toe, cursing loud and clear in about three different languages.

It just wasn't fair.

@that-asian-child-of-aphrodite @arisdaughter @childofthewargod @damiedantediane @kaiaalwayswins

@apollos-weirdest-child @delilah-isnt-dead-yett @athenas-weirdo-daughter @daonedaonlyskh @lovely-liilies-and-lillacs

@aria-pane @poseidons-hyperactive-kid @wine-cooper @i-am-persephones-daughter @unhinged-as-hell

ooc: If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, or if I've forgotten to tag you, let me know :)

[just-rock-lee]

Tenten: I sleep with a bo staff by my bed

Neji: Weak. I sleep with a kunai under my pillow

Rock Lee: Phff, that's nothing

Neji: Really, what do you sleep with then?

Rock Lee: Y/N

[froggitonamelon]

Hear me out

What if clover went through a EMP stage before Falling into the underground.

Like just clover but has a black cowboys hat and cowboy vest etc etc.

It not a stage clover says I am the darkness and the night I am the cowboys of the night type of funny cringe.

Phff Clover with a studded black leather vest, a wolf cut, and massive amounts of eyeliner would be great! This child would bake in the Wild East though XD

Makes you wonder if Starlo would assume they were a bandit or put them into a villainous role as a result or if Ceroba would even be interested in using his soul similar to her neutral run role.

Honestly, I could see an emo Clover pulling from a different aesthetic entirely since they seem like a bit of a thespian to me. Like maybe they are familiar with firearms in general, but the cowboy flavor is more for the fun and drama. If Clover were emo, I could see their flavor shifting with it to something like a bounty hunter or dystopian rebel.

Me still thinking about emo wild west insp. Clover's design:

Clover with waist length hair they dyed black

Skull and/or moon motifs to contrast with their original sunny personality

Gold embellishments o_o

Black hat constantly over the eyes

[ack-cough]

[Meow!sabaeu ask!]

Hello Yellow! Just here to ask for more of what happened when this suddenly just happened to Isabeau, please...

[If I'm being honest I'd guess the Change God felt like messing with Siffrin by doing this to them but it accidentally happened to Isabeau, and the Change God was like "Oh woops!" and then preceded to not do anything to correct their mistake.]

HI

You're a genius and I might actually use the Change God as a reason cause that makes so much sense thank you!!!!

HUHUHUHUHU making up reason on the spot-

The Universe and Change God team up! They loved the first play so much why not make another?

A silly little spin off made with more terrible puns and party antics, yes it may not be as good as the original and our beloved Siffrin may not be the star of the show- But what's better than another reason for these two cosmic beings to bump their favorite characters together like lps!

So let's be silly and stupid, Phff- it's a spin off nobody will care if its complete nonsense ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Let's put Isabeau through some silly catboy antics with his pals!~~

[also the request will hopefully be done later!!]

[miimo96]

Thoughts on TBHK Chapter 117

Ok I'm starting to think you guys love torturing or something because once again you didn't remind me that a new chapter was out, I mean it's already hard enough trying to keep up as it is without spoilers, So you guys could at least do me the favor and cut me some slack by letting me know when a New chapter is out, I mean you guys KNOW how I feel about this series and that I wanna talk about it just like everyone else, So Why F$#K DON'T YOU GUYS REMIND ME!? like c'mon guys 🥺 also I see that we're back to using the original font style tho so that's a plus at least, I wonder shenanigans we're gonna get up to in this chapter tho, ooh! I wonder if well see hanako or if yashiro will even talk about what happened with him being a teacher now or that she even had an encounter with him, I highly doubt it because she knows how much Akane and teru hate hanako so maybe she'll keep it to herself, welp only one way to find out

Ngl I was a little caught off guard at 1st with them calling her Akane instead of Aoi, maybe because I'm So used to the anime calling her aoi and him Akane, but eh it's whatever tho 😅

I completely forgot that in this timeline he and Aoi are in a relationship, so his reaction to her texting him is So Hilarious to me, it's just like "Oh shit, I forgot 😀" 🤣🤣

I KNEW IT! I knew she would be conflicted with leaving things as it is and maybe even not wanting to Rest the timeline, OMG I ABSOLUTELY CALLED IT RIGHT ON THE EFFING MONEY YEAH! *Does happy dance*

Omg i didn't even think of it like that, but yeah who's to say that everything that happened in the previous timeline, won't just happen again, like a Canon event or something, Omg Aidairo's understanding of time travel is really Amazing, Iike the way it just plays with all the concepts and rules without making too confusing is just Genius, and ya know what it really does bring into question of "What if this could happen " and "would this lead to that" like omg aidairo well done golf claps all around 👏👏👏 Also no offense teru but I don't think hanako would really care that much, because hanako's whole thing is about making yashiro happy, like even if he couldn't be with her or if he had to do something drastic like killing one of her friends to extend her life like he tried with aoi, he wouldn't really care because as long as she's alive that's all that matters, I mean sure he would get lonely, but as long as she's happy, he couldn't ask for more

Omg this Panel is so GOOD like look at it OMG I want this to be animated sooo Baaaadd!! 😖

OMG Teru is such a bitch for this, he legit called her to make it look like Akane and yashiro are a thing, which would never effing happen to begin with, but all in the name just to fuck with him like Omg teru, you're such a bitch like Wow just Wow, also I love that even tho she's with teru, she still gets jealous if she sees.Akane with someone else, like it just shows that she really loves him Awww 😊

Phff 🤣🤣🤣 they legit hit the "ewww no he like a brother to me" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also i love how aoi is immediately wanting to know about yashiro's love life, She's such a gossip Girl Lol

Omg Now THAT is a confession, yashiro needs to take notes, Holy shit was not expecting this, Hell yeah Aoi Aoi is back! ^^

Yo I effing hate this dude like I just wanna Slap him at times like bro shut yo ass up, like how do you go from being so clutch and awesome last chapter but such a dick in this one like this is what I don't like about this guy, like I'm starting to think he's bipolar like LOOK AT HIS FACE, LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE!

Wait we're going to the Red house, Omg the Next chapter can't come any sooner like I'm So excited, I wonder what changes have been made or if THAT is never meant to change like what if This is what teru was talking about how things are eventually meant to happen, Oh my gosh I can't wait ^w^

My initial reaction to this scene was "ah this is nice, just 2 of my favorite character's having a nice stroll and being an absolute adorable couple" before IMMEDIATELY turning into "WAIT I RECOGNIZE THAT STREET!" Because if you have an encyclopedia knowledge of this series like I do, then You'd KNOW exactly where that street leads, Ah Shit I'm really starting to think that Kou's earing might be bad luck or something because this the 2nd time this has happened to him, ya know maybe that's why mitsuba hates it so much, Omg I hope it isn't what I think it is, but the fact the he said it had a Red roof is already confirming my suspicions *bites nail* 😰

F%#$k I KNEW IT! Omg these 2 can't catch a break like WTF also I SEE that it has the keep out sign at that it's looks pretty abandoned almost burnt so i guess teru was right and things eventually Are meant to happen, Ah shit I'm so scared for Next chapter, Damn it Aidairo leave them ALONE PLEASE!? Welp, looks like shit's going to go Down next chapter, and I guess I'll be right here to cover it ^^;; wait a minute I just realized something, we haven't seen Sakura or Natsuhiko yet so could next chapter finally be them and confirm my suspicions of Sakura being a ghost or Kannagi and Natsuhiko being her protector!? OMG NEXT CHAPTERS GONNA BE AMAZING!!!

[krav3nn]

what iffff

you and bill had a cute little self care night! like full of kisses, face masks und little massages. just taking care of each-other after tour??

sorry if it’s bad i really am not great at requests- but i do have maybe 1 or 2 more if you need/want them💕

༉‧₊˚🕯️SELF CARE NIGHT ༉‧₊˚🕯️

UGHH I LOVE THIS REQUEST!!!! This is the best prompt ever, idk how I didn’t think of this! Your GENIUS! Thank you so much for requesting I love you pookie. Anyways, you ask you shall receive!

BILL KAULITZ X GN!READER

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

I’m so bored!” You groaned rolling onto your back on the floor “I have an idea of what we could do.” Bill said with a smirk on his face. You sat up and threw your pillow at him with a groan. “phff sorry baby I can’t help myself.” Bill says with a chuckle “yeah yeah whatever billy, do you have any REAL ideaa.” You said playing with his hair. “Hmm.. I don’t know but if anything I wanna do somthing relaxing. This past month has been exhausting.” Bill said with a sigh

You and tokio Hotel had been on tour for the past 31 days. You and bill were the singers in the band and had it rough. During the signing you would get unwanted comments, (which bill did NOT let slide) And y’all did a bunch of different concerts. Moving from place to place just tired you out. You and bill were just so glad to be back home.

At his words you sit up and gasp. “THATS IT!” You say running to your bathroom where you kept your skin care. Grabbing two silly face masks, moisturizer, and two cute little animals headbands to hold your hair back. Bill was just sitting on the couch in confusion, hearing you rustling in the bathroom.

You quickly ran bad and jumped next to him, showing him the face masks in excitement. Bill laughed loudly. “Can we do these billy?” You say shaking him. “Ughhh fine only because I love you.” Bill said kissing your head. You squeal in excitement as you hand him the two face masks. Asking him which one he wants. The dog or the cat face masks. Bill obviously choose the dog because he’s a dog person.

You also grabbed the headbands and put one on bill but his long hair with still going in his face a bit so you run back to the bathroom and get a black and red scrunchy. You run back to bill and giggled as you put bills hair up with the scrunchies. “Do I look stupid?” Bill says with a laugh. “You could never look stupid” you say kissing his lips.

You ripped the mask sheet open, at sit on bills lap to put the mask on him. “Scheisse! That’s so cold!” Bill says. “Ugh stay still you big baby.” You say with a chuckle as you smooth out the mask on bills skin and quickly burst out into giggles. Running to get your camera to take a picture of him, he just looked so silly! You ran back and took the picture of bill sitting on the couch, making a funny face with the dog face mask on him.

“Okay okay! I wanna put yours on now!” Bill said, grabbing the cat face mask and opening it. You sit crisscrossed and close your eyes getting ready for the cold that was about to envelop your face. Bill puts the mask on your face and it was indeed cold. Once it was on, you opened your eyes. Bill looked at you and laughed. “Now we look silly together!” Bill says grabbing your hands and pulling you off the couch, jumping up and down with you and just being giddy.

After 15 minutes you both took the face masks off. Bill grabs your waist and pulls you down on top of him. “Bill!” You say with a laugh as you wrap your hands around his neck and sigh in content. Bills hand massage all over your body, rubbing your shoulders, your back, your butt, you’re legs, exc. you find yourself dozing off to sleep. Every few seconds you would feel a kiss on your head, and comforting words in your ear as you and bill finally fall asleep in each others arms….

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

A/N: Again thank you to this person for requesting this. I’m sorry this took so long for me to write this and it was so short. my adhd brain kept getting distracted. Buttttt I hope this lives up to your expectations, your royalty ‼️

[asterwild]

Hi- i usually don't do this but this was on my dash and it's perfect. A bear with human feet phff-

idk looks like a normal bear to me

[monstersfan18]

Siren garou

Ok look, I saw a fanfic of some character, I think it was from one piece? But anyway that doesn't matter, the fanfic was about a siren. There was a lot of smut in it!

So the point is that I just thought 'hey! Why not Make a Garou siren fanfic?' 

I'm also will make part 2 of this with the smut in it. And I will most likely do part two's with all smut. 

Warning: breeding kink, inappropriate language, blood, and bullying

(10 years old) Garous pov:

'God, I hate humans and mermaids!' I thought to myself. I've always hated humans and mermaids. The reason I hate mermaids so much is because they blame everything on sirens. Mermaids always act like they aren't the ones sink the ships, and as soon as they do they blame it on us sirens! The worst part is that the humans believe them! Humans also pollute our homes! At this point know, sirens are the cause of the sinking ships because we hate them so much.

Humans and mermaids are disgusting creatures!

Speaking of humans. I can see a ship, and it looked like a pirate ship too. I was heading up so sink it when I saw humans flying out of it and going in the Ocean. When I went to look at one to see if it was dead, I saw that it had so stab wounds in its chest. The man was dead. 'What the? What happened to these humans? Is there a siren up there? But that wouldn't make sense. Sirens sink the ship first then kill the survivors in the ocean.' I thought.

I then swam up to the surface to see what was going on. Then I saw a girl, a vary cute girl. She look like my age, maybe a little older. And she was badly injured.

"They thought they could sell me to some nobody! Well, they thought wrong! Haha!" The girl said. I don't know why but, that made me blush. She was vary brave, and strong too. 'I wonder what she means by 'sell'?' I thought. Suddenly she turns to look in my direction. "Oh my god! Is that a siren!" She said beaming with excitement. I then panic and jump back into the ocean. "What no come back! I won't heart you!" She shouted. I see her poke her head over the edge of the boat. 'I don't think she can se-' before I could finish my thought she jumped in to the water.

I was so shocked. But I didn't move. The way her hair moved in the water, it looked so pretty. I wanted to touch it. Really wanted to touch it. I couldn't help but blush at the site. She then looked at me, then she waved at me. I don't know why but I waved back. She then tried to speak, humans can't speak under water so it sounded really weird when she tried to. "Phff! Humans can't speak under water silly! Here let me help you." I said. 'What am I saying?! 'Help her'?! I shouldn't but it just feels so right.' I thought. I then went up to her and brought her to the surface.

"Hi!" She said happily. I was shocked that she wasn't scared of me. "Are you not scared of me?" I said confused. She looked so happy, but why? "No I'm not" she said. "Why?" I said raising a eyebrow. "Because sirens look cool and i feel like mermaids are weird." She said. I smiled at her. 

He looked really kind. Though, there was one thing on my mind still. "Did you kill the people on the boat?" I said. "Yeah, there were trying sell me to some rich guy." She said. 'What? They were trying yo sell her?! This is why I hate humans.' I thought. I didn't like her response. That was cruel! You can't just sell someone! "Do you know where your home is?" I asked. " I live somewhere called ishokie village (I just came up with a name don't  blame me!) I think we left from that direction!" She said pointing to the left. "I can take you there if you want." I said. "That be very much appreciated." She said with a smile on here face. 'Cut- wait what am I saying! She's a human!' I thought.

20 to 25 minutes later we arrived at a island. She said that this was her home. It was not a big island but not a small one ether.

"Thanks for the ride! My name is y/n! What's yours?" She said happily. "G-Garou!" I said nervous. I was sad because now I had to leave. She was so nice! I wish I could stay with her forever. "Hey, do you like cola?" She asked. "What's that?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Ok, I'll be back in like around 5 minutes so stay here! Ok?" She said turning around and started running. "Uhm? Ok!" I said confused.

About 5 minutes later she comes back like she said she would, but she had something in her hand. I look at her with confusion. She then hands me it. "Here! You drink it. Don't worry, it's not poisoned." She says with a smile. I then take the drink out of her hands. I don't know how to open it so I'm a little confused. "Uhm, I don't know how to open it." I said. She then giggled at me, I then got embarrassed. But I couldn't help but notice that her giggle was so cute. I could feel my cheeks go red. "You just twist the top." She said with a smile. I the twist the top, it then opened but bubbles started to spill out. I got startled by that. "Is that supposed to happen?" I asked. She then giggle again. "Yes, it's called carbonation." She said. I look at the bottle and bubbles were coming up from the bottom. I was hesitant to drink it because it looked a little weird. It could also be poisoned. She then looked at me, then she smiled again. "Don't worry, it's not poisoned." She said almost like she read my mind. But the remark made me a little more comfortable. Though I just meet her i feel like I can trust her.

I then took a tiny sip of the drink. My eyes widened. It was really good. I then drank the hole thing. "Looks like you really like it. Do you want more?" She said. I then nodded my head rapidly.

That was the day I changed my mind about humans. Well, only on one human. Which was y/n. But that was also the day I made my first friend too.

8 years later...

 No one's Pov...

Today was the first day of mating season. He never liked it. There were two reasons why, first, ever since he started exercising and training the other female sirens have been trying to get his attention. They just wanted him because he looked good. Second, he never found a siren good enough for him. He wasn't one of those people that just fucked a random woman and left, he was one of the rare ones that would stay with the one he would mate with.

Garou definitely wasn't sticking around for it. So he went to see his best friend, y/n.

He would be lying if he said his best friend wasn't attractive. Over the years she became more beautiful. Even though she was a human, Garou definitely wouldn't mind mating with her. He definitely developed a little crunch on her when he was 10, and over time that crush grew. Every now and then he would dream about mating with her so hard. 

He remembered they call it sex or fuck instead of mating or mate. He heard how humans did it by some fisher man in a boat that he was going to sink one day. As soon as he heard how they did it, he instantly that of y/n. Now knowing how to do it, he couldn't stop fantasizing about how good it would feel to mate with her. It wasn't all that different form how sirens do it. It just male sirens had a pouch for there members.

Garou was just about to go to the surface to see you, but then a female siren came up to him. "Hey big boy how about you and me ma-" "No" Garou said before the girl could finish. And before the girl could say anything else Garou swam away to go see you.

When he got to the surface he went to the beach and sat on a rock, the one he usually sits on. No one comes there anymore so that was there meeting plays.

"Garou!" A familiar voice said. Garou then turned around to see them. Once he saw you he couldn't look away. You were in a swimsuit! And not any swimsuit, it was a bikini. But that wasn't the only thing that sparked his interest, your smell changed. It smelled so good. It smells like vanilla.

Mate...

Your pov...

Some girls came up to me and told me if I wanted to go to the beach with them today. I don't know them but I do know they go to my school. I don't have friends at school, so this would be a good opportunity to make some. I only have one friend and that's Garou. Speaking of Garou, I should probably tell him not to go to the beach today if he doesn't want to be seen.

Before I left to go see Garou I put on my swimsuit on, then I left.

When I got there I saw Garou waiting on the rock that he usually waits for me. Ever since he started training he's gotten a lot more muscular. Sometimes I wish he would put on a shirt so I would stop starting at them. There distracting!

"Garou!" I shout. He then turned to look at me. I noticed that he was looking at me weird, I then look down to see I was wearing my bathing suit. I totally forgot that he's never seen me in a swimsuit before! And a bikini at that!

I then walk closer to him, he won't stop staying at me. "Hey Garou, some friends of min-" "why are you wearing that?"  He said before I could finish. "That's because some friends and me are coming to the beach, I thought I should warn you before hand so that don't see you." I said. "Are there any boys?" He said. 'Is he serious? Why would he ask me that?' I thought. I then noticed his face was dead serious. He looked scary. This is the first time I've been scared of him.

"No, not that I know of." I said. "I'm staying to watch you then." He said. "Why?" I asked. You couldn't help but think that was a little weird. "Because I want to make sure your safe." He said. "But garou, this is the first time I have friends to hang out with that aren't you. Please, your just be over protective." I said with a pout.  

Garous face got dark all of a sudden. "So you don't think I'm enough? Is that right, y/n? Is it because I'm a siren?" "N-no, not at all. Why would you think that?" I said. Why was he acting like this? He never acts like this! Sometimes he can be over protective but never this much! "Then proof it!" He shouted. I was so stunned I couldn't speak or move. Garou never ever shouted at me before. "Why are you acting like this Garou?! You never yell at me! I-I just wanted to make new friends!" I said. It this point I started crying. "I just want to make new friends, not replace you. I would never do that!" You said your hands in your face crying.

Garou was now the one in shock. You've never yelled at him ether. Now he knows he fucked up. "I-I'm sor-" "I don't want to hear it Garou! Just go away!" You shouted before he could finish.

With that you ran away from him. Tears in your eyes. Why would he say that? He's not Garou. Not the one you know.

Garous pov...

"Shit, shit, shit! I messed up! Big time!"

Those were the only words that would come out of me, I just keep repeating them over and over again.

'Why did I say that?!"

And those words were the only things I could think.

I didn't want to admit it but, I knew the answer to my thoughts.

I was jealous

Jealous at the fact that she was hanging out with other people that aren't me. Jealous that there might of been other guys there. Jealous that I wasn't the only person to see you in that swimsuit. Jealous that I couldn't be there because humans hate my kind.

Why why why why WHY do I have to be so stupid! Maybe if I didn't say those words to her I could of convinced her to not go and stay with me.

Maybe if I was humans things would be different. If I was human maybe we would go on dates. What was that thing they call it again? What was it? Girlfriend and boyfriend! Yeah! We would be girlfriend and boyfriend together. That would be perf- no we would be a couple! That way I would wake up next to you every day.

But if you were a siren. Oh I would of claimed you a long time again. I would breed you every day and every night too. Your the age for a siren to have kids now. I can see you and I with our kids. 

I could see this if we were both humans to. We would have 5- no 7- no 10 kids. 

But I might have screwed it up now. 

I put one of my hands it my hair. Im clearly lost I didn't know what to do. Im frustrated!

No, I didn't. I'm going to fix this. And after I'm going to mate with you. And im going to do it hard for the scare you gave me.

I don't care if you human! Im going to mat- no, i'm going to fuck you. Hard.

With that I jump into the water.

Your pov...

"Hay y/n! Come in the water with us! It'll be fun!" One of the girls that invited you to come to the beach said. You'd be lying if you said you weren't upset still. But this might take your mind of if things. "Oh, okay!" You said running to them, then getting in the water.

You couldn't help but think this was a little odd. They said that more people would come but there's only three people here. You, Julian, and Alexis. (Sorry if your name is one of these! You can change them!)

As soon as you join them they shove you in the water. "Wha-" They held your head under the water. You couldn't breathe. You don't know why there doing this but you can't stop them. They bring your head above the water holding you by your hair.

"Who's that good looking guy you hang out with? The one you meet up with almost every day here?" Julian asked. 'Wh-what? A-are they talking about Garou?' You thought. Even if they weren't talking about him, you don't wanna take your chances. "W-what are you t-talking about?" You say. "Oh please! You know who we're talking about! The one with white hair and is buff! How did you land a guy like that?" Alexis says. They are talking about him. I don't think they know he's a siren. But I think I had enough of this.

With that, I took a hold of the hand that was holding my hair, which was Alexis, and through he in the water. "How the fuck?" Julian said confused because she didn't think I had the strength to do something like that. I actually didn't hear what she said because I was to busy with crashing Alexis's head. Julian was completely terrified because now her friend was bleeding out. "Wh-why would you do that?" She said as she took a few steps back. "Uhm, it's called self defense." I said cockily. "Y-your a freak!" With that she ran away. 

'Well so much for making new friends.' I though.

Now I'm alone now.

I don't think Garou is going to come back anytime soon too.

I don't even think he wants to be friends anymore.

I look at the sky, it's about to become night time. Maybe I should go home and forgot this all happened.

Before I could take a step forwards I heard a song. It sounds beautiful too. But it also sounds like a sirens song too. What's a siren do out here. Sirens never come this close to land. Only Garo- wait? Garou? No, it can't be.

It sounded like it came a little further up the beach.

I started to run up to where I heard the song. It was still playing. It was behind some rocks. When I looked behind them nothing was there. "Weird, I thought I heard something over here." I said confused. 

Before I could walk away something dragged me into the water. Before I could see what it was I blacked out.

DONT READ NOTES IF YOU DO T WANT SPOILERS FOR ONE PUNCH MAN!

Notes: BRO! They cut of garous hair I. The new one punch man chapter! Bro, I don't like it. 

[shrimpo-cocktail]

No, I just wanted to say hi! I’m not friends with Brightney though, she’s a little boring…

Having seen your lurking around Brightney's bookclub every so often, he had made an assumption - an assumption which had quickly been proved wrong, and well, Shrimpo wasn't the fondest of being wrong. Then again, what exactly is he fond of?

"Phff-- I HATE you,, by association ..YEAH. BY THAT. BORING BY ASSOCIATION! How about you save your goddarn 'formalities' for that plucked-plant you LIKE so much."

'Friends' (or, in this case, more) of Dandy clearly weren't toons on his good side. Perhaps he'll warm up to the idea of being civil - then again who are we kidding, its Shrimpo we're talking about.

[duchessanon]

If u had told me in 2012 that in 2025 Henri was married with kids to an American actress and now lives in cali after a gigantic mess that involved willy pushing him into a dog bowl, k8 making his wife cry, doing an Oprah interview, tell all book and documentary, and he’s no longer the peoples prince and doesn’t talk to his family, and willy n k8 had 3 kids, Liz n phil RIP’d, chuck n k8 had cancer at the same time, Andy did a hideous interview and isnt allowed to “work”, Anne got kicked by a horse, fergie wrote for mills n boon and I’d still be on tumblr.

[chronically-chaotic-cryptid]

This guy was like 'oh I don't want to keep you standing too long' and while that is very nice and considerate my immediate gut reaction was 'phff, im fine, i can stand forever'

[head-of-innovation]

Thats okay, i chew anyway.

I like chewing on things, my clothes dont like it

“Phff.. well i’m glad you can find use in it. There are other things too.. like a dinosaur track shaped one, a t-rex, etc..”

•He thinks for a moment, his expression slightly softens and he gets a rather unreadable expression. A mixture of sadness and a sense of reminiscing•

“The Doctor, Harley, used to have a bad habit of chewing his pens.. when i found out about these chewy, rubber necklaces for people who do that, I tried to get one for him but he obviously refused because he figured they were too childish.”

[insightfuldoggy]

“Only one other artist I’m aware of that has done it, but he’s an abysmally awful artist, his work is nothing short of Pollock-tier garbage”

She spoke without an ounce of restraint, reaching up to pull some of her hair behind her ear. She looked at the boxes of pasta and smiled

“I see you too have come to enjoy Tyvian food, yes? If you would like, I know a buffet with the best seafood I have ever tasted”

“I should probably show self restraint… but I’m in the mood to get stuffed, it’s fun eating while full… I’m interested.” She licked her lips, still eating the pasta gleefully.

Gradually, sat next to Cotton, she’d cool down, managing to polish off the second box, and moving onto the third.

“Mnnghff… bhhUUUUURRrrp… theshe are really good… bhhhwrrrp… phff… mmomnghff… UURRRP… hooh… and filling.”

She gradually slowed down as she started really filling up on pasta, that and the monotony began to break her momentum.

[askadrianalucardtepes]

*Somewhere in the forrest of Belmont.*

Anon1: *Peacefully staring at the sky.*

*A rustle from a bush nearby.*

Anon1: *Sees a pair of eyes in the bushes but when they blink th eyes are gone.*

Anon1: *Surprised and in shock procceds to get up and dash in a random direction but is cornerd by a cliff* "Mhmm, well sh!t."

*Random voice from the bushes.*

???: "Human~ Where are you~?"

Anon1: "You aint getting my buns! Hun?"

*Runs along the cliff and climbs a tree but when they look down they see a nightcreature.*

Anon1: "Oh god damit."

Nightcreature: "When Im done with you, your face will look like mashed potatoes."

*Luckily the Nightcreature dosent have sight*

Anon1: "Yeah whatever man." *Changes voice to a higher pitch, Mimiking a childs.* "Hello?"

Nightcreature: "Okay Im going to go find that child, but then Im going to kill you!" *Walks off into the bushes.*

Anon1: "Okay byeee! Happy travels! Now lets see here.." *Looks around for a escape route.*

*Nightcreature comes back but rams into the bark of the tree causing it to sway violent and almost throws Anon1 off.*

Nightcreature: "There was no child!"

Anon1: "Double check." "Hello?"

Nightcreature: "I know your messing with me! Where's the child!? WHERE ARE YOU HIDING IT."

Anon1: "Dude I dont know! Just um... A vampire is behind you..."

Nightcreature: *Is confused but and 'looks' behind them.* "Steve?"

Steve: "Hello!" *Smiles at nightcreature.*

Nightcreature: *Is annoyed but replies.* "Hello Steve..."

Anon1: "Hi Steve!" *Gives a small wave.*

Steve: "Hello human guy!"

Nightcreature: *Turns around disgusted* "Steve dont talk to this guy, He's an asshole!"

Steve: *Gasp* "Profanity!"

Nightcreature: "Steve. Their hiding a child somewhere and they wont tell me where. Do you know what that means?"

Steve: *Scratches chin confused.*

Nightcreature: *Deadplan.* "We cant have a party Steve."

Steve: "No!" *Is on brink of tears.*

Nightcreature: "Yes! We need to find it Steve!"

Steve: "I'll do my best Ma'am!" *Walks off into the bushes.*

Nightcreature: "Stop listening to gossip! There confusing you!" *'Looks' up Anon1 in the tree* "Im starting to think there is no child."

Anon1: *Switching between both voices* "You just "Hello?" Got to *Child like laughter.* look harder "Hello?" Man."

Nightcreature: "Thats it fucker! IM COMING UP THERE!"

Anon1: "Hello?"

Nightcreature: "But first im going to look around one last time to ensure that child dosent exist...."

Anon1: "Phff this situation is a total joke." *See's a hooded figure beside them.* "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"

???: "Hello!" *Scares Anon1 and watches them drop off the tree.*

Nightcreature: "Good, this is my time to catch them by surprise!" *Runs back to the tree.* "Have at THEE!"

Anon1: *Bashes supposed knee with an axe.*

Nightcreature; "FUCKING knee!"

Anon1: "GET AXED ON BITCH! Also thanks for the axe Steve."

Nightcreature: "STEVE WTF?!"

Anon1: *Bends down to Nightcreatures ear.* "Hey nightcreature."

Nightcreature: "What!"

Anon1: "Hear that?"

*The sound of rustling hair and a special flying sword.*

Nightcreature: "Oh go fuck yourself."

*Nightcreature dies by magical sword to the face.*

"...What just happened? I feel like a lot just went down here. None of that interaction made even a lick of sense. I've been watching this unfold and just. Wow. I'm pretty sure all of you are on mushrooms or something. I'll just.... Go, now. You have fun with your... Whatever this is."