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this blog is archived! i need to be somewhere less cluttered, rework on nat's timeline and whatnot. i will not follow first from the new blog ( same url ) and will be more selective to avoid having the dash too crowded again.

[wid0wd-archived]

this blog is archived! i need to be somewhere less cluttered, rework on nat's timeline and whatnot. i will not follow first from the new blog ( same url ) and will be more selective to avoid having the dash too crowded again.

[wid0wd-archived]

this blog is archived! i need to be somewhere less cluttered, rework on nat's timeline and whatnot. i will not follow first from the new blog ( same url ) and will be more selective to avoid having the dash too crowded again.

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just like that. (:eyes:)

it's been ... a long time. natasha never complains, but to say she doesn't miss the warmth of a body laying next to her would be a lie. so she takes a deep breath, breaks away from the gang of misfits she's come to call family just enough to look around - it's not a crime after all, a widow doesn't necessarily die with her husband. plus, when a pretty lady comes to her with the offer of drinks and a chat, who is she to deny?

which leads to their current situation - natasha's boots and pants on the floor of a ratty room, buttons of her shirt missing and sides spread enough to offer a view of her cleavage. the neat braid her hair was styled before long gone, a mess of auburn strands in its place. anna marie pushes her down on the mattress, spreads her legs and sings praises she hasn't heard in so long ... fingers grip around the woman's wrist, a choked sound escaping lips.

"faster, please?" almost a whisper, the wave of embarrassment washing over unforgiving but kept silent - it's not any worse than the anger and loneliness and exhaustation. natasha needs all of them gone, even if just for a night. "i just. need to feel something, please."

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please don't make me beg.

"why not? you sound so pretty when you beg me," soft spoken sweet talking, natasha taking her time trailing her fingers along skin - almost ghost like touch, ever the tease, knee parting ithaca's thighs and brushing against clothed core every so often. "plus, we both know you like this ..." it's all about the moment leading into the act, isn't it? how much they can rile each other up before they have enough - before one of them inevitably needs more. "come on love, beg me to fuck you."

index and middle finger lift up to ithaca's lips, knee pushing closer in between thighs as body leans forward. "be a good a girl and open up, i promise the reward will be so worth," relief finally - in her own selfishness natasha wanting to get as close as possible to the cold feeling surrounding the other woman. "if you don't say please, i'll just have to leave you here squirming." would still be a good show either way. "so ... which one is going to be?"

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[tuck] for sender to tuck a strand of hair behind receiver's ear. ( lemar ,,, bc listen we didnt finish the stuff between them and we neED TO )

"look, i get it. he got shoved into this," government just couldn't wait to stuck its nose into avengers business - the next captain america suddenly becoming a topic of concern. god forbid the president just lets them deal with talks of a successor rather than pick a random nobody whose helmet still looks too big for his head. "i'm telling you as a friend, nobody at hqs is thrilled about the news." nothing against walker ... it's just that steve's wishes matter more. "someone will be coming to take the shield back." it's bound to happen, natasha can already anticipate it before any plan has actually been officially laid out to her.

"he won't be as nice as me." technically she's coming as a warning - that shield will be brought back to its rightful owner, there's no doubt in time that will happen. it's just a matter of how. narrowed gaze focused on lemar, not really expecting him to see the bigger picture ... after all this is a moment of celebration for him and his partner. "you know it belongs to sam, yeah?" doesn't matter what he chose to do with it, steve's judgement could have never been wrong. defeated sigh pushes past lips, head tilting just slightly when gloved fingers reach toward her face, wild auburn strand tucked back behind her ear. "you trying to woo me? you'll need to do better."

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“the dog, for all his failings, did not do that and i’m taking it personally on his part that you’re trying to claim he did.”

an annoyed eye roll, arms crossing at chest - the attitude is unprompted but the implication that it's her fault actually is what gets on natasha nerves. "maybe you did it and you don't remember." nonchalant shrug, considering clint's adversion in regards of staying out of trouble sometimes, would that really be farfethched? "whatever, i'll help you clean up," last they need is to drag it for longer than necessary. "but the dog is helping. i know he's hiding something."

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i know this is just shark week hitting me like a truck and i'm getting in my head but. i hate everything on this blog gjbj it's a mess and cluttered and my tagging system is shit and i cant unpause my queue because i hate everything i wrote in there and ?? it's doing too much. and honestly i feel like it was just a problem of this blog, i feel this way about all my current blogs 😭✋🏻

i'm not fishing for sympathy or to hear how good i am over something so trivial BUT i'm fighting the urge to delete everything because it would be like losing the library of alexandria headcanons wise. maybe i just need to read my silly comics and yap about them on a personal like everyone else rather than bother with this rpc stuff. maybe i just hit my limit

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sighs

with this tog2 situation happening and me getting feels i just. was thinking about how much i miss my writing partner. she doesn't want to write on here anymore and it's fine but i truly think i had the most fun back then creating all these little worlds and stories with her. it's just a bit alienating on here for me these days

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everybody out there with wild childhood / teenagehood stories then there's nat gjhj

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someone's request

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this avengers leader

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Send me hc + a word of your choosing and I’ll write a headcanon relating to that word!

Or send hc + two words and I’ll try and come up with one that links those two things together!

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WHAT KIND OF TRAGEDY ARE YOU?

written in the stars.

it had to end this way. we all know it. only you were unaware. you had hope. hope, of course, only makes it hurt all the more. we all knew you would look back, oh love, there’s no other version of the story. and yet, alongside you, we still had hope. we believed in you, even though we knew you couldn’t win. and you believed in yourself till the last moment. it isn’t fair, is it? you didn’t know you were doomed.

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not to put the whole dash in a depressing mood but. thinking of her ( your last breath is a sigh of relief )

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do you know what really hits me when i read Secret Empire. How much Natasha cares.

She does not know how to be good, but she tries. She will defend them until her dying breath because they are just kids, and she does not, and has never known, how to be around kids.

She is aware, Natasha is one of the best spies in the world, she has to be aware of how the younger heroes admire her.

She believes she does not deserve it. That she is a liar and a killer to her core. She knows this, and she acts accordingly - to spare everyone else.

Natasha already has blood on her hands. What is a little more? One more body for the pile. She can compartmentalize, she doesn't care.

(Natasha does. Of course she does. But she would gladly kill again to save someone else from enduring what she goes through.)

Natasha wants a better world for them. She aches and craved, fought, bled, and killed and will kill for it. But it's just gotten worse. I love this panel because you can see the raw vulnerability in Natasha's eyes when she tells Miles: "I can teach you how to survive [this world]. The same way I was taught. It is my curse - it can be your blessing." She is protective. She was raised in blood, but maybe she can help them, stop them from making the mistakes she had made when she was young, when she was naive, when she saw the world like they did.

god these panels mean so much to me. She may have prepared them to kill, but she doesn't want them to. Not really. She can't let Miles kill him, because she knew it would ruin him, just like she had been ruined. Even when he breaks out, when he disobeyed- She still fought to save Miles, to spare him. She died for him.

Look at how her eyes widen when she sees him, how she leaped to stop his fate. You can almost see the thoughts running through her mind. I left him behind. He was supposed to be safe. He can't become me.

She fought through dozens of HYDRA soldiers. She scraped and clawed and pushed, desperately. Because this wasn't supposed to happen. She couldn't let this happen.

They were supposed to be better than her. He was meant to be good.

And in the end, she dies. She died fighting. At least that's how I see it. To be fair, Natasha motherfucking Romanoff wouldn't have gone out any other way. She's a survivor like no other. And she is loyal. But most of all, Natasha cares. I know most people don't like this run/event, and for rather good reasons, but if there's one thing I think they did right, it was Natasha.

All panels/pages are from Secret Empire(2017)

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the way i need to read secret empire ( 2017 ) again just for the angst