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[wildacookbook]

if you can’t eat a whole meal, eat half. you ate, that’s what is important.

if you can’t get out of bed, try and sit up instead of lying down. it’ll be better for your back and your blood pressure.

if you can’t shower or have a bath today, try and brush your teeth and clean your ears. it’ll keep you a little cleaner, and we often forget those areas. 

if you can’t get dressed today, change underwear and use some deoderant. it’ll leave you a little fresher until you have the strength to change fully.

and remember, i’m very proud of you. your best will look different every day, and that’s okay.

[wildacookbook]

this is the "I'm not mad, just disappointed" approach.

If you are a white kid with a positive relationship (as in they are not abusing you and generally like you as a kid and want you to like them) with a casually racist family member have you considered guilt tripping them? It's been a highly effective tactic with my grampa. When he used to pop off with shit I wouldn't give him a dissertation like my mom and uncle did bcus he'd just dig in his heels and argue. Instead, I found a well placed "wow :( no it's fine I just like idk. I didn't know you were like that :(((( " worked WONDERS. If you want to deradicalize people, don't focus on writing essays for random trolls online. Just make your racist family feel bad for being racist. You might even be able to sneak some idk facts and logic into them after you've been doing that consistently while hanging out.

[wildacookbook]

Dinner Rolls

This is my mother's infamous roll recipe. It is the best damn rolls on the planet.

Ingredients: 2 packages of Rapid Rise Yeast 2 eggs 1/3 cp sugar 2 sticks of butter 1/2 tsp salt 2 1/2 - 3 cups flour

Directions: 1. Melt butter -Put yeast in 1 cup warm water with 1 tblspoon sugar. Mix until it starts to foam. Set aside and let it rise to twice it's size. 2. In a large bowl mix 2 eggs and 1/3 cup sugar(you can increase the amount of sugar depending on how sweet you want your rolls) -Mix in melted butter and mix again 3. Pour risen yeast mixture into the large bowl, don't stir. 4. Add 1 cup of flour at a time and mix. 5. When it's all mixed well, cover with saran wrap and a towel and let the dough rise for an hour or until it doubles in size. If you can poke the dough with two fingers and it comes away clean, the dough is ready. 6. Divide the dough in half and knead on a floured surface. -Add more flour as needed and knead until dough is no longer sticky. 7. Roll flat into a circle and cut dough like a pie. Starting at the large end roll each triangle of dough up into a crescent roll shape. Place on your baking sheet. I spray with the pan with pam, but then I spray the pans even when I'm not supposed to. I hate battling to get my food free. 8. When your crescents are all arranged on their pans, cover in more saran wrap and a towel and let them rise again for half an hour. Your rolls may end up HUMONGOUS. They are very tasty this way. 9. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes or so, depending on your oven. When they come out and are still hot, you can take stick of butter and butter the rolls hot, but it's up to you. :3

[wildacookbook]

I know what I’m making D for his next birthday.  That man loves butterscotch.  Grandma did to, tbh.  I remember always getting them from her.  And yes, she did have butter mints on a tray on the coffee table, but they were always fresh, not stuck together.  Sometimes it was peppermints, but those got sticky quicker.

[wildacookbook]

Happy Holidays!

I think this is maybe 1987?  I think it’s actually my brother’s birthday and not Christmas, but hey, I do my best. (yes, that’s little me making a dumb face, get used to it).

For Christmas, Grandma would make red velvet cake from scratch and spell out “Happy Birthday Jesus” in M&Ms.  She used a whipped frosting so you couldn’t really pipe the cake.  And I don’t think she enjoyed trying to do piped decorations.

This is her recipe, which I don’t think is anything out of the ordinary for Red Velvet Cake.  But it’s what I had for my wedding cake(using cake flour) and it was delicious and our family tradition.

[wildacookbook]

I honestly have no idea what is going on here.  That’s Grandma in the red with the hat... and gloves.  It looks like maybe it’s a White Elephant gift exchange but I have NO idea why she is wearing someone’s cowboy hat and isotoner gloves.

Most of these recipes come from different women in Grandma’s church and were traded at pot lucks- so watch that batch size!

Grandma was the president of the United Methodist Women at her church.  It was kind of a stitch and bitch sort of group but they also did good works with what resources they had.  The town was only 800 people and the church had a regular attendance of 20 people.  On holidays there might be 50 when people’s families were in town.  The town, the church, and the power plant my dad worked in were all in the same tiny town in the middle of nowhere.  Everyone was poor.  No one had any money.

I think that church is why I haven’t lost my faith.  They helped each other, they never turned any one away.  They weren’t judgmental.  They were like a big extended family of aunties.  Most of them have known my family since my mother was a little girl and they were always so loving and open with us.

The woman in blue next to Grandma is Mrs. Pray.  Her granddaughter was my age and went to my school.  She was the sweetest, most gentle grandma you could hope for.  Her husband was a wood worker and I had many toys made by him, including a child’s desk, a unicorn and a stool shaped like a turtle that I constantly fell off of.

[wildacookbook]

Oleo

Oleo, called for in these recipes, was margarine.  

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[wildacookbook]

I’m not sure if that “Punch” would be awesome or absolutely horrible.  Grandma was great with food, so I can’t see her putting something that wasn’t delicious in here.  But hm.

Grandma Crouch would be over 100 if she were alive today.  My Grandpa passed away two years ago at 90.  Grandma was a cradle robber.

[wildacookbook]

“Candy”

Grandma was the queen of unnecessary quotation marks.

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[wildacookbook]

Still being in quarantine here in California and not having seen my parents in a year and having lost both my uncle and my grandfather... I wanted to bring this blog back.  I hope other people might find recipes they enjoy or a familiar one to something they enjoy during the holidays with people they won’t get to see this year.

[wildacookbook]

Sally/ Sallie Lunn Bread

Makes one two pound loaf, 3 1/4 cups flour 1/4 oz. active dry yeast 1/2 c (short) melted shortening ( use Crisco) 3/4 c sugar 3/4 c (plus) milk 1/2 tsp of salt 1 egg 4 tblsp warm water Butter cookie sheet. Heat milk and shortening to the temp. of a warm baby bottle.  Mix four, salt and sugar in a separate bowl.  Mix the egg in a separate bowl.  Add the warm milk and melted shortening to the bowl of flour, salt and sugar.  Add the egg, yeast and water. Beat the entire mixture until it comes ff the side of the bowl which should be clean. Cover, let rise in a warm (non-air conditioned) place until double in size(30 minutes or so).  Shape into a round loaf.  Place on the cookie sheet and let rise again to 1/2 again as big, about 45 min. Bake at 300 F for approximately 45 min.  After 30 min. baste the top of the bread with butter and also again after it has finished baking.

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There's plenty of recipes for this bread on the net, but none as good at the variety that my mom makes.  This is the recipe we've been making for years.  It's a sweet, chewy, soft bread that's great with jam or butter.  I like to eat it for breakfast.

You don't knead this bread very much at all... so it's easy on the hands.  All you have to do is wait for it to rise!

[wildacookbook]

This sounds ... amazing.

[wildacookbook]

Grandma... What.. What does that even make?!

[wildacookbook]

No-milk Chicken and Rice Soup

Watch out kids, it's a slow cooker recipe.  It's also a recipe that I cobbled together out of ingredients that don't necessarily need to be fresh but can be stored in a cabinet and fridge for a while.  I don't always have the mental fortitude to go grab fresh ingredients.  I also lack a gall bladder and cannot digest very much milk.  i don't exactly miss it, but it does make cooking interesting.  This is also easier if you have a rice cooker- which i always forget that not everyone has. 

Ingredients:

3 packages Herb Ox Sodium Free Chicken Soup mix 1 1/4th cup water 1 1/4th cup Almond milk(or soy or whatever milk subsitute you like) 1/4 tbl spoons butter(if you're really sensitive to milk you'll need a substitute for this) 6 tbl spoons flour 1/4th tsp Black Pepper 1 tsp Perfect Pinch Chicken Seasoning(or whatever chicken seasoning you like) 1/4th tsp salt 1-2 chicken breasts(I use frozen) Rice for two optional: 1cp chopped celery and/or 1 cp chopped mushrooms

Get out that big ass crock pot.  Throw in 1 packet of Herb Ox, milk subsitute, butter, flour, chicken, pepper, spices, and salt.  Turn on high heat.  Let it cook for six hours on high, then turn down to low for two hours.  It's usually cooked after six, but it depends on the crock pot.  It's extremely hard to ruin this. 

DO NOT PUT THE RICE IN THE CROCK POT OR YOU WILL MAKE GRUEL.  YOU DON'T WANT THAT... well, maybe if you want to horrify but feed your D&D group.

20 minutes before you want to eat, start the rice as you normally would.  Add in one packet of herb ox for every cup of water you use. 

Once rice and soup are done, put rice in a bowl then dump soup in as you want it.  EAT IT.  IT'S GOOD.  It's fine to dump the rest of the rice into the soup when you put it away.  It also freezes well and is tasty later.

Warning: This might be more flavorful than you like.  I have almost no sense of smell, so i tend to over spice things to make it palatable for me.