willowyweeper

[willowyweeper]

How quickly this became a suicide blog instead of venting lmao. I guess it’s the only thing on my mind nowadays. But seriously, why shouldn’t I kill nyself? I hate life. I knew I would never accomplish anything. I knew I would never be someone. I knew no one would want me. I can’t make a case for myself here. And I’m too self-centered to care about my family being sad.

[willowyweeper]

I promised to kill myself this year if I can’t find happiness or a reason to keep going. However nowadays I wish the day came sooner. I truly do not want to wait any longer. This can all literally be over.

[willowyweeper]

[willowyweeper]

Gold medalist for crashing our over the same thing multiple times a week

[willowyweeper]

– Audrey Hepburn

[willowyweeper]

[willowyweeper]

Sylvia Plath

[willowyweeper]

[willowyweeper]

Nothing makes me happy anymore

[willowyweeper]

I’m genuinely going to end it. Holy fuck this CANNOT be my life

[willowyweeper]

Everything is getting bad again. I need help. I need something. Something else than just all of them telling me it's going to be okay again. Because maybe it is, but it doesn't feel like it. I need rest. I need my brain to stop being like this.

Why? Why did all of this shit happen? Why do I have to be mentally ill? Why don't the pills work? Why does therapy not work? Why is my brain altered by things that happend years ago?

Why c-ptsd? Why bpd? Why bipolar? Why hallucinations? Why autism? Why?

Was I that terrible that I deserve all this?

I can't deal with all of this anymore. I just can't.

[willowyweeper]

I really think I have to kill myself. I’ve spent a year taking steps to get better, and now that I took a break I can’t imagine going back. But the “not better” life I have depresses me. So I really feel that I’m left with no choice here

[willowyweeper]

trick me once shame on you. shame on you. shame on you shame on you i hate you. i ltierally trusted you.

[willowyweeper]

I'm trying to remember that I don't hate my friends, to remind myself that I am just hurt.

I am not wanting them to actually suffer, I just want them to know what it feels like to be ignored.

I am doing my best to acknowledge that I do not want to see them dead, that I just want them to stay and hug me.

I try to know that I am not a terrible person, while screaming at myself that I am.

[willowyweeper]

Just because I’m not using this blog doesn’t mean I’m okay… I just keep forgetting to vent.

I’m also usually driving when the depression hits

[willowyweeper]

i hate myself a little extra when i open up to someone.

[willowyweeper]

do you guys also ruin every good thing in your life or is that just me