willtingle

[willtingle]

These are so cute! 🎃 (source)

[willtingle]

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos

[willtingle]

Is This The Real Life…?

[willtingle]

Waiting is always the worst part!

[willtingle]

Ironic Moments Dump

[willtingle]

[willtingle]

Mary-Anne’s Theory of Dog Intelligence

Mary-Anne was the Dog Trainer and Kennel Head where I got Charlie and she had a theory about Dog Intelligence, which went like this:

There’s four types of dogs, rated by how smart they are:

Type 1: Dogs that go through life on a placid river of blissful obliviousness.  Type one dogs are so dumb that they are unable to concieve that thier lives may ever come across any form of distress.  You look at them and see their minds are full of love, elevator music and Lint.

Type 2: Dogs that are smart enough to cause themselves problems. Where a Type 1 Dog might never notice that there are different kinds of flooring, Type 2 will notice that suddenly the floor has gone from CARPET to TILE. This is weird and new and POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS. Type 2 dogs go through a lot in life, able to percive the vast uncaring void of the Universe and are unable to muster the Mental Horsepower to make any sense of it

Type 3: “Normal” Dogs.  Dogs that can tell the floor has gone from Carpet to Tile but understand that they can expirimentally put a foot on the tile and find out it’s safe. Like the average human, they struggle against the senseless void but are capable of gleaning the occasional insight into the workings of the universe, like how the Tile is safe to walk on, or that food happens at the same time every day.

Type 4: Bastards.  Dogs that can not only see and solve problems for themselves, but extrapolate from that data and actively improve thier enviornment AKA Cause Problems for everyone else.  Type 1 has never noticed the door.  Type 2 Is baffled by the door. Type 3 knows about how the door works and to get a human to Operate it. Type 4 knows how to open, close, lock, unlock, and slam the door in the face of anything they despise, like your other dog.

Type ???: Things which are allegedly dogs but do not act in a way that does not correlate to the priorities of any known canine. Dogs that understand the tongues of men better than humans do.  Dogs that sit outside at night, staring into the heavens for hours at a time. Dogs that eat anyong but organic matter.  What are these? Poorly-disguised aliens? Angels in the only skin that will fit thier anomalous bodies? Cats suffering fomreincarnation glitches?  We don’t know.  But they are still Very Good Boys.

[willtingle]

So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.

So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day

[willtingle]

I think humans are meant to see the ocean.

[willtingle]

One of my favorite tidbits about Oblivion is that, when Bethesda brought Patrick Stewart in to play Uriel Septim, they gave him this big 90-page booklet detailing the character’s history and background and motivations, and they were really worried that they’d gone overboard and given him too much.  Meanwhile, Stewart was delighted–he’s said that it was the best character prep he’d ever been given, and he wished more people would do that.

[willtingle]

well shit. My boss just emailed me a letter terminating my employment due to lack of work...I thought this might happen since I have been on furlough for like 3 months now, but it still really sucks. I really liked working there. 

[willtingle]

Jupiter beats any other piece. Absolutely my favorite!

[willtingle]

the purest form of serotonin is when a cat looks at u and u go like “what?” and it meows at u

[willtingle]

glassblowing videos are great because you get to watch the incredible precision and skill of a seasoned professional as they craft the tackiest item you’ve ever seen 

[willtingle]

In a news show segment that was like 10 to 15 minutes about Kamala Harris they mentioned that she was half black half asian and a woman at least 5 times. Meanwhile, what did they mention about her policies or political preferences or actual political accomplishments? I don’t think I heard anything about that. They talked about inconsequential things and kept mentioning her race and gender. Why the hell is that such a big deal? Who the hell actually cares what her race is? 

If you are looking at someone for political office and need to know their race and/or gender, then you are racist and/or sexist. Period. Seriously. The news talks about equality and everyone seems to call republicans racist, but the news is so fucking focused on race and its the democrats that seem to be focused more on peoples races. 

Is she a good candidate? I have no fucking clue because I haven’t looked into her much and the one thing I’ve heard about her is that she is half asian half black and a woman. That doesn’t tell me fucking anything about the quality of her as a fucking politician! 

[willtingle]

when dogs are scary smart

over the last several months, we have been implementing a protocol to eliminate karybelle the sheltie’s barking surrounding her mealtimes. we have accomplished this by initially introducing an alternate activity during prep time (stuffed kong) and religiously giving her a time out gated in the yard if she stops that activity to bark, thus delaying her dinner until she’s quiet. this has been extremely successful; she’s gone from barking literally 100+ times during meal prep to barking 0 times, and only occasionally slips up. the behavior she has chosen to replace her meal-prep-screaming (after all, that energy has to go somewhere) is frantically - but silently - running circles around the coffee table to finally slam into a perfect down-stay as her bowl is set down.

this evening as the food was coming out, karybelle seamlessly slipped into her silent circling routine. except after a couple of reps, she abruptly changed course, yeeted herself out the dog door, barked once, and immediately jumped back in to resume her circling.

if that isn’t a demonstration of crystal clear understanding of criteria, i...don’t know what is lmao

[willtingle]

i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”