wiltingwisp

[wiltingwisp]

MAY 02

Today I'll make it super, short.

Truly,

So today I ate 1389kcls and burned around 429 with my walking and 45 min workout session. Only walked around 4k.

[wiltingwisp]

my brain every time there’s a new month

[wiltingwisp]

MALNOURISHED MAY??

[wiltingwisp]

MAY 01

I did good today, despite being extremely lazy regarding my academics. I'm beyond tired now, so there's not much I want to say nor much to say, which works out rather perfectly at the end.

I ate 1081 calories, which to you who are sicker is a lot, but it's low enough for me, and left me with a decent amount of calories over. Now, I did not reach my goal for 10k steps, but I did around 6k, which is fair enough for me, seeing it was such a relaxed day.

However, I did complete my daily exercise, which is truly the goal I want to focus the most on, ultimately. Today, I chose a HIIT workout which I used to do quite often in the past, but the muscle memory did not follow me and I struggled horribly. At some point, I thought perhaps it would lead to a lethal asthma attack, but it didn't and I am, as I type this, quite fine.

I allegedly burnt around 800 calories, which I sure hope so.

Anyways, I know this Saturday will be an over-limit day as my friends invited me out to eat, and I have the very healthy mindset that my ana should only be present on my alone days, which is healthier, I think. So, it is only natural I try to remain a bit below limits presently, tomorrow also, to act as a buffer. And continue, of course, my routine of movement.

I sure yap a lot.

[wiltingwisp]

if Jesus could go 40 days and 40 nights without f00d, you can go a few days. stop making excuses.

[wiltingwisp]

all i wanna do lately is sleep and starve

[wiltingwisp]

End of Month Wrap-Up: APRIL

I suck at this ana thing so fucking bad omg.

In all seriousness, my mom insists I've lost a lot of weight, and that I can no longer be called 'gordita' anymore, which I don't see or touch or feel, and we both still agree I have a lot more to lose, but at least I've kept progressing.

Which is strange, since I basically binged every other day, and did not meet my daily fitness goals at all.

I worked out like five times or so this month, only hit my 10k thrice, and somedays barely even moved at all, which is all amazing and crazy, at least to me.

My eating, however, as my previous post indicate, has been garbage. On my beautiful app, I only 16/30 green days in which I did not just binge terribly. To be fair, my binge is around what my maintenance for my extremely high weight would be, so maybe it gets balanced out with the heavy restriction, but it only makes me think that I would be twice as skinny now if my eating was in order, and not swinging out like a pendulum.

May, however, will be my bitch, I 100% guarantee it. I'm aiming for only one red day per week, the days that I go out, hoping that it will be counterbalanced by my exercise regiment.

I am also nearly done with school, and while I'm the literal mid of it, and today I was extremely lazy and useless, I am locking in extremely hard.

I'm glad it's all working out well at least--I'm losing weight still. But I need to be good at this; I need to be perfect.

[wiltingwisp]

ed Tv shows and movie recommendations

yt:

- starving secretes

- what’s eating you?

- it’s your fault i’m fat

- super sized vs super skinny

- red band society

- secret eaters

movies:

- starving in suburbia

- sharing the secret

- to the bone

- my skinny sister

- when friendship kills

- feed

[wiltingwisp]

[wiltingwisp]

ew why the fuck do i call myself an anorexic. it’s probably like insulting to people who are actually struggling. i eat sometimes and too much to be anorexic. i should be shot immediately

[wiltingwisp]

Anorexic translation guide

you look healthy -> you look fat

disordered eating -> too fat to have anorexia

[wiltingwisp]

may has no idea what's coming #lockingin

[wiltingwisp]

There’s always someone better then you, more sick, thinner.

[wiltingwisp]

Like the fucking idiot I am, I binged. Again. Only had a good day in between and here I go, eating it away. It's so annoying, I make a step forward and then eat my way to my fatness again. Sure, I've been at this not like some of you girlies, eating very, very little and exercising a shit ton. So really, I should not be eating as much as I am currently. It's an insult for me to behave like such a pig and still remain in these spaces, no?

Additionally, since the start I have not been hitting my 10k, or getting my exercise in correctly. Now, I nee do lock in. Summer is pounding at the door, and while I certainly won't be nowhere near skinny at the beginning I can be smaller, and when my mother comes back on the 28th, I want her to look at me with pride for all the weight I lost in her absence.

Weight I will only be loosing in these next five days if I stop eating the way that got me this fat.

So, 45 minutes of movement, 10k steps, and 1400 calories total.

I'll try to make a small log everyday, if it interests anybody, and to hold me accountable somewhat.

[wiltingwisp]

to be skinny is to have perfect control.

[wiltingwisp]

i hate food. i hate being fat. food is just a temporary pleasure. it’s like being in a toxic relationship. i wish i could be skinny. skinny like the other girls. thighs the same size as their legs. perfect waist. clothes that fit. a world that loves and respects you.

[wiltingwisp]