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wintervvidow · 2 years

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To Be Still

Pairing: Dad!Bucky x Mom!Reader

Summary: You kissed him because you didn’t know what else to say. He smiled into it, and you pulled away just enough to murmur against his upturned lips, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“It’s good to be back.”

Word Count: ~2k

A/N: This piece is based on this lovely ask, and I had the best time writing it.

The coolness of the night rushed to envelop Bucky the moment he pushed his truck door open. It nipped at his face and fingers as he hopped out and collected his duffle bag from the backseat. Only when he made it into the mudroom did the solace of warmth encamp around him. A sigh pushed past his lips as his bag slipped to the floor along with the last of the tension he’d carried back from Prague. Arriving home always granted him a degree of weightlessness he couldn’t find anywhere else. It was impossible for the worries of the outside world to stay tethered to him within the haven of those four walls.

All was quiet as he unbundled himself. He stepped out of his boots last, wiggling his toes in relief. As he ventured further into the house, there was a familiar ambience to the heat leaving the vents, and the air held a savory hint of whatever you’d cooked for dinner. In the kitchen, Jamie’s stuffed bear sat on the main countertop alongside an empty red sippy cup. The beginnings of a smile came to his face as he picked up the small animal and headed for the staircase.

At the top, light pooled from beneath Eden’s bedroom door. Bucky resisted the urge to go straight inside, and instead went to drop off his bag in the master bedroom. Then, with Jamie’s bear still in hand, he slipped into the two-year-old’s bedroom next. The small glowing star on the nightstand served as a guiding light to his low bedside, and he squatted to tuck the bear beside him. Each small breath that left Jamie’s nose reminded him of the little things he missed during his time away.

Bucky lingered until a whimper sounded from the adjacent room. It was a tired, weakened sound. Your voice followed after it in a quiet string of reassurances. He ran a gentle hand over Jamie’s hair, before heading to where he knew you and Eden to be. Your eyes were trained on her when he opened the door. The two of you were rocking back and forth in her gray nursing chair, doused in warm lamplight. Her head rested on your chest, and her stormy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks defied the tiny rainbows printed on her onesie.

It took a couple hard blinks to convince yourself that Bucky had appeared in the doorway, broad-shouldered and with the kindest eyes. But he was there. He was home. Fondness kindled within him as he crossed the room. Eden lifted her head and quieted long enough to blink up at her father, damp eyelashes clumped together.

“Look who’s back,” you cooed, stroking her arm. “Is that Daddy?”

“Hey,” Bucky breathed, bending down to kiss both of your foreheads. “I missed you two.”

Before he could pull too far away, you grasped the hem of his shirt, and turned your face upwards. He understood the silent request, and leaned back down to press his lips to yours. You wished you could’ve melted into his affection and become one with it. A disgruntled gargle from Eden made him pull away, and the sound went on to morph into a steady cry.

He hadn’t seen the height of her frustration, the louder wails and clenched fists—all because she hadn’t taken her afternoon nap. She’d grown calmer in the time since you put Jamie to bed, but the strain of the whole ordeal was beginning to weigh down on you. Seeing the scrunch of her little nose and the flush of her cheeks made guilt churn within you, thick and relentless. You couldn’t help but think you hadn’t tried hard enough to ensure she stuck to her routine, even though all you seemed to do was try to get things right.

At the sight of her father’s hands extending towards her, Eden leaned towards him like a flower to the sun. In the security of his arms, she pressed her face into the warmth of his neck as she sniffled. Bucky’s hand splayed over the entirety of her back as he rubbed it and began to sway. She grew calmer with each moment that passed, and a more palpable stillness settled within the room before long. Only when Bucky spoke up did you realize you’d relaxed into the cushions of the chair and allowed your eyes to slip closed.

“Honey?” he repeated softly. “Why don’t you go get ready for bed? I’ll make sure she gets settled in.” There was a laxity to his shoulders as Eden chased sleep from the comfort of his arms. When he gave you a reassuring nod towards the door, you pushed yourself to your feet with a hum of appreciation. On your way out of the room, you kissed Eden and whispered goodnight as she peered at you through heavy eyelids.

Later, Bucky sauntered into the master bathroom yawning into his fist. He’d changed into the pajamas you’d gotten him for his birthday that year. You caught his gaze in the mirror as you stood at your sink, and the small smile he offered set your feet into motion towards him. He stilled as you wrapped your arms around him and angled your face into the firmness of his chest to breathe him in.

His absences had grown somewhat easier over the years. The art of missing him was a dance in which he wasn’t there to steady your steps, or catch you if you fell. But you’d learned to adjust to the periods in which you couldn’t ask him for a hand, or relish the sound of his laughter ringing out like a song. Even Jamie and Eden missed him in their own ways, often bringing up Dada or pointing to his face in pictures. Because when he’s around, things run a little bit smoother and are a whole lot sweeter.

It wasn’t until you sniffled that he peeked down at you. Before you could wipe the tears that had begun to fall, he cupped your face and looked at you like you were responsible for the way his world kept turning. In a motion perfected by time, he ran the pads of his thumbs across the delicate skin beneath your eyes. More tears continued to flow, but he stayed right there to catch them as if they were a sacred rain. After a day that had been so demanding of your time and attention, it was only a matter of time before your emotions bubbled over.

Bucky lowered his hands to your waist and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’re the kindest, most selfless person I know, you know that?”

“Bucky…” heat rose to your cheeks, but the corners of your lips still twitched upwards. It was nice having your efforts acknowledged, especially by him. Because when it came to the way he felt about you, he always spoke with an honesty that cut straight to the innermost part of you.

“The kids and I are beyond lucky,” he continued. “You’re too good to us.”

You kissed him because you didn’t know what else to say. He smiled into it, and you pulled away just enough to murmur against his upturned lips, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“It’s good to be back.”

— 5 YEARS LATER —

The evening Bucky returned, the sound of Eden’s laughter and hurried footsteps met him before she did. He had just enough time to set his bags down before she darted into the mudroom and embraced him. That was all it took to bring a smile to his lips and a fullness to his heart. She squealed when he hoisted her into his arms and uttered a greeting between playful kisses to her temple.

“Daddy, daddy—we have a surprise for you. But you have to close your eyes first.” She squirmed as a sign for him to put her down, and beamed up at him when her feet hit the floor. “Take my hand. And don’t peek.” He closed his eyes and extended his hand. “No peeking.”

A chuckle rumbled through his chest. “I won’t, sunshine, I won’t.”

Bucky held true to his word as she guided him into the kitchen. He heard Jamie snicker first, then you. A smirk had begun to inch its way across his own face.

“Okay, you can look,” she announced.

There were balloons, a welcome home poster, and you’d even cooked a modest dinner spread composed of some of his favorite foods—it smelled amazing. Warmth coursed through him as he huffed out a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. Few things made him bashful, and yet the three of you always found a way.

He couldn’t help but grin as he took a step closer to the poster taped to the wall. Jamie crashed into him with a hug, “Do you like it? I drew all the stars and the people in action poses. Mom and Eden did the words and the hearts.”

“I love it,” Bucky gave the boy a squeeze.

A sweet smile bloomed on your face when he met your gaze. “We figured we’d do something special. It’s been a while since we’ve gone all out.”

He gave you a look that was brimming with gratitude, and his voice was sincere when it came out, “You didn’t have to go through the trouble.”

“You’re not allowed to say that.” Bucky’s shrug was only half apologetic as he made his way over to you. The moment his hands found your waist, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pecked his lips. When he leaned back in for more, you only placed a featherlight kiss on the tip of his nose. He made a disgruntled sound, and swiftly landed a peck on your lips before you could move away.

“Gotcha,” he breathed.

“‘Cause I let you.” You quipped, pulling away. “Who’s ready to eat? I say we start digging in.” You shot him a wink as the kids skipped to sink with a chorus of enthusiastic cheers. Bucky swore he wouldn’t trade the three of you for anything else this life had to offer.

After the kids went to bed that night, you’d tried to fill Bucky in on what happened during his time away. But it was hard to focus with him pressing kisses to your bare shoulder and rubbing your thigh. Both of you sat with your backs against the headboard, and your legs intertwined. You eventually stopped talking and crawled over top of him to straddle his lap. There was nothing roguish about the smile he gave you. If anything, it was a little tired but filled with a whole lot of love. He pinched the smooth satin of your nightgown between his fingers. It was new, you’d bought it while he was gone.

“I promise I was listening to you, doll. You just look so pretty,” his voice was soft and honest.

You were struck with a sudden gratitude for the fact that he was the one you got to do life with; this handsome man who wore his heart on his sleeve and was the best father to your children. Who made you feel beautiful and capable even when you didn’t see it yourself. Who put his all into everything he did.

Wordlessly, you lowered the thin straps from your shoulders, causing the front of the dress to droop. It was an invitation and an offering. You never minded giving yourself to him because he’d already given you more than you’d be able to ask for in a million lifetimes. You’d spend the rest of forever giving him every inch of your love, and he’d do the same for you.

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