with-vorpal-sword

[with-vorpal-sword]

Not to be a Boomer but your social media should be your own space, not something employers are allowed to look at to judge you beyond the qualifications stated in your resume and cover letter

[with-vorpal-sword]

hi guys i was trying to rescue a big fat bumblee bee and all i had on hand was a moon snail shell so i caught it in that and took it outside but now it won’t come out. i shook it a few times but it just buzzed angrily from deep within the shell.

so anyway if i accidentally just created a new species of shell-wearing armored hermit bees that’s my bad. sorry.

[with-vorpal-sword]

Source

[with-vorpal-sword]

We don’t talk enough about how fanfiction writers love to give character large amounts of non-specific paperwork they hate doing

[with-vorpal-sword]

what if you do a poll thats like you have 4 options: 10%, 20%, 30%, and 40%, and ypu gotta have eaxh option like be that percent yk??? like 10% of people voted 10%, 20% of people voted 20%, ect.

[with-vorpal-sword]

So we definitely need more positive representation of DID, but you know what would be funny? Mildly inconvenient representation of DID.

Oh the world is ending and you need to know about this one specific thing? Yeah I have a guy for that but he doesn't feel like fronting right now

Sorry what's happening rn is this the bad guy? Yeah I just switched in idk what's going on

I know you're dating one alter but we're currently co-con with another alter who hates you so idk how I'm feeling rn

And just who do i think I am? It's funny you should ask that I actually don't know right now

[with-vorpal-sword]

convincing this wandering swordmaster (loser, woman) to keep demonstrating her flawless technique to cleave a man from his life for me because her tits bounce really lewdly whenever she does it and she hasn't noticed yet

[with-vorpal-sword]

i'm trying to flirt with this noblewoman but she keeps asking me to demonstrate my flawless sword technique and i don't think she realizes how much effort i'm putting in to make my tits bounce while doing so

[with-vorpal-sword]

they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me

[with-vorpal-sword]

“Nobody’s going to want to sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours to get from New York City to LA.”

Me. I will sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours. I’ll sit on it for days. I’ll write and read and nap and eat and then do it all over again. I’ll stare out the windows and see America from ground level and not have to drive. I’ll see the Rockies and the deserts and cornfields and the Mississippi River and your house and yours and yours too. I’ll make up stories in my head about the small towns I see as we go along. I’ll see the states I’ve yet to see because driving or flying there is a fucking slog and expensive to boot. I’ll enjoy the ride as much as the destination. And then I’ll do it all over again to come the fuck home.

[with-vorpal-sword]

*jingling keys in front of elon musk* elon they were always gonna use you as the fall boy you need to do something alarming and crazy to get back at Trump jingle jingle oooh you wanna physically harm him so bad jingle jingle elon musk you could totally get away with doing something insane to the president btw jingle jingle

[with-vorpal-sword]

shakespeare wasn't lying that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow can creep in this petty pace from day to day

[with-vorpal-sword]

[with-vorpal-sword]

that “presidential alert: the girls are fighting” image was literally made for this exact moment it’s almost too perfect

[with-vorpal-sword]

“Long Train Journeys” by Jordan Bolton

My first book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ is out now! Order it here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky

[with-vorpal-sword]

“Range Life” by Jordan Bolton

Order my new book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky