wizard-cafe

[wizard-cafe]

Tip: you can have Wizard Cafe Staff turn any REGULAR CROISSANT into a STALE CROISSANT with a Minor Charm of Staleness, after which you may do any of the above if you so wish. Coffee and cantrips.

Tip: you can microwave stale croissant for 15-20 seconds and it will become soft and warm and nice. Cut it open, put butter in it. Peace and love

[wizard-cafe]

They cost 5 GOLD COINS each due to WIZARDLY ECONOMIC INFLATION. I hope you understand.

Do you have a pastry... with uh, cotton shirts in it???

@the-moth-wizard-of-mayhem

We have RAW COTTONBALLS. You may season them.

[wizard-cafe]

Do you have a pastry... with uh, cotton shirts in it???

@the-moth-wizard-of-mayhem

We have RAW COTTONBALLS. You may season them.

[wizard-cafe]

TO WHOEVER SUMMONED LOCUSTS IN THE WIZARD CAFE: The Wizard Cafe is not legally liable for damage incurred by spells cast by guests. YOU will held responsible for any damages, physical or emotional, to the cafe or its patrons, and belongings thereof.

ON AN UNRELATED NOTE: LOCUST CAPPUCCINO, LOCUST BISCOTTI, and LOCUST-TOPPED DONUTS are all currently on special! Thank you for supporting the WIZARD CAFE <{:^)

[wizard-cafe]

Thank you! Have a nice day!

good luck carrying all those bowls 👍

I have heard of this "hot" new trend called "bowl food" where you eat food out of a bowl. I find this rather intriguing. So, I have journeyed far and wide (for 5 minutes) to this café of yours fo inquire: do you have "bowl food" on your "menus," by any chance?

Only if you put a PASTRY or some COFFEE in a BOWL. otherwise, we do not serve SOUPS, STEWS, SALADS, GRAIN BOWLS, POKÉ BOWLS, PASTAS, or any other BOWL-BASED FOODS.

[wizard-cafe]

It's called that because it DRIPS from the TEAT OF THE PERCOLATOR BEAST. and it's black because of that's the color that it is.

unrelated: it is also extremely SWAGGY

I have heard of this "hot" new trend called "bowl food" where you eat food out of a bowl. I find this rather intriguing. So, I have journeyed far and wide (for 5 minutes) to this café of yours fo inquire: do you have "bowl food" on your "menus," by any chance?

Only if you put a PASTRY or some COFFEE in a BOWL. otherwise, we do not serve SOUPS, STEWS, SALADS, GRAIN BOWLS, POKÉ BOWLS, PASTAS, or any other BOWL-BASED FOODS.

[wizard-cafe]

I'll take ONE SILVER for plain black drip coffee in a bowl

I have heard of this "hot" new trend called "bowl food" where you eat food out of a bowl. I find this rather intriguing. So, I have journeyed far and wide (for 5 minutes) to this café of yours fo inquire: do you have "bowl food" on your "menus," by any chance?

Only if you put a PASTRY or some COFFEE in a BOWL. otherwise, we do not serve SOUPS, STEWS, SALADS, GRAIN BOWLS, POKÉ BOWLS, PASTAS, or any other BOWL-BASED FOODS.

[wizard-cafe]

Lemme just step in here, aaaand close the door behind me!

TRANSPOSITION SPELL!

[you are now inside the empty vault with a note that reads: "You seem nice but I have never paid taxes and I do not intend to start now. You'll be teleported back to your HQ in a couple of seconds, with a free WIZARD CAFE COFFEE for your trouble <{:^)"

you are teleported back to ICTSE headquarters, moneyless but coffeeful.]

To the Proprietors of Wizard Café

This is the ICTSE, We are contacting you as you have yet to file your tax documents and pay payment. Failure to do so will result in deletion and or imprisonment in the Trash-Folder till a bail equating your owed debt is paid.

Current debt : $23 + a couple cups of coffee, were working overtime tonight :(

From

    @the-ictse

Oh don't worry, I've got my TAX MONEY! I'll need you to come with me to get it though, my COIN VAULT is currently in my BASEMENT LABYRINTH <{:^)

[wizard-cafe]

provided no PROPERTY or CUSTOMERS are damaged, SICK SKATE TRICKS are allowed in the Cafe

hello hi hi do you allow pets in this fine arcane establishment?

familiars, service creatures, and well-behaved pets are all permitted in the Wizard Cafe. we reserve the right to determine if a creature's behavior is detrimental to the business and gently remove them from the premises (read: teleport them to just outside of my tower's domain)

[wizard-cafe]

*silently enters the establishment*

…you need a musician? I need a purpose in my life.

-@incrediwizard

I suppose we could establish some sort of lounge hour. What kind of music do you do? Unsettling and alluring? Makes the brain itch? Warms the organs?

[wizard-cafe]

Excellent! I could use a BAKER to help make all these ECLECTIC PASTRIES. making them all myself while also serving drinks and managing the cafe can be a bit challenging, even for me

*there is a knock on the door*

how in the WIZARD HELL are you knocking on a tapestry? and also, why? you can just come in <{:^/

[wizard-cafe]

nice place ya got here

*i proceed to begin fading out of existence* aw heck not aga

ANCHORFRUIT SPLASH POTION. should help you stay anchored in existence for a bit. can i help you?

[wizard-cafe]

Ah! You are interested in become a WIZARD CAFE associate? What sort of skills do you possess?

*there is a knock on the door*

how in the WIZARD HELL are you knocking on a tapestry? and also, why? you can just come in <{:^/

[wizard-cafe]

(A figure wearing a coat and hat approaches the counter, their form beneath obscured by smoke and motion blur. They emit a hum like a distant highway at dusk, and smell faintly of cigarettes and car exhaust.)

Hello can I have a glass of water please

Sure, buddy. TAP WATER is free but PURIFIED or SPARKLING water is gonna run you a couple of coppers

[wizard-cafe]

Hello, do you mayhaps have..... a cotton shirt or anything of the like?

-the-moth-wizard-of-mayhem

Hmmm.......I can make you a nice cup of LOOSE-LEAF COTTON TEA, if that would suffice? I might have a cotton tablecloth lying around...

[wizard-cafe]

*there is a knock on the door*

how in the WIZARD HELL are you knocking on a tapestry? and also, why? you can just come in <{:^/

[wizard-cafe]

I have heard of this "hot" new trend called "bowl food" where you eat food out of a bowl. I find this rather intriguing. So, I have journeyed far and wide (for 5 minutes) to this café of yours fo inquire: do you have "bowl food" on your "menus," by any chance?

Only if you put a PASTRY or some COFFEE in a BOWL. otherwise, we do not serve SOUPS, STEWS, SALADS, GRAIN BOWLS, POKÉ BOWLS, PASTAS, or any other BOWL-BASED FOODS.