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[writingfromthecloset-blog]

The World of a Writer

I'm warning you right now that I expect this posting to be a bit of a ramble. Lots of posts crashing around in my head that I haven't gotten a chance to write that are about to all spill out onto this page. Can't say I didn't warn you.

Sometimes I wonder if all writers (and maybe artists too) are just a little bit crazy. I say this because when I have the chance to daydream, which I try to do frequently, my thoughts are quickly flitted away to scenes and characters and conversations, all of which do not exist. For me this was always normal. I can stare out the window and see a whole other world pass in front of my eyes, storylines and characters that are just as real to me as the trees and brick buildings that are actually outside. These scenes flicker across my sight as though I am watching a movie unfold and I never want to look away.

I understand now that not everyone is like this. My hubby for one. He is the total opposite of me in this respect. He would never, ever, sit around imagining fake conversations between fake people in a fake world. It would never occur to him. My reaction to this is, well what the heck do other people daydream about? Real life? How boring.

I wouldn't change this for anything even if it does make me a little weird or cat-lady style crazy. I've done it for as long as I remember. It's nice to escape sometimes. And how else would I find content for my books? In my head and in my books I can see whole other worlds, impossibilities in the "real-world" that are the norm in my made-up ones. It's the same as reading a book. It's fun to plunge into someone else's world as well.

And on that note, here's one of those wacky transitions I warned you about. I've determined that as a writer, my greatest strength is not unique world building but in finding new ways to explore worlds other people built. I play much better in other people's playgrounds than my own. I can build my own and I have, it's just so much more comfortable to play inside one that someone else built. It's not that I totally replicate it, I just take their slide and use it for a fort instead. Their monkey bars becomes my loft bed and their swing a catapult. I like to have set parameters to build my own world inside. That's probably why I eased my way back into writing for fanfiction.

I don't really find this to be a detriment as I once did. Plenty of successful books were clearly inspired by other works. City of Bones, 50 Shades, they all had roots in other people's playgrounds. They just used the toys differently. I can find plot points and angles that weren't addressed in other stories, flush them out and turn them into something new. It leads me to ask the question, if X didn't happen, would the result still have been Y? That's what I like to play around with and find out. That's what I'm good at. I hope someone agrees soon.

Lots going on right now in my publishing aspirations. I had a couple partials but lost them both. I revised and revised and revised and sent out another batch of queries. Now again I wait. But these are little victories for me. I'm moving forward.

It sounds dramatic, but for me, it's even more important that I find a publisher than simply industry validation for myself. My lifelong mantra has always been if you work hard you can accomplish anything and this more than anything is what I want to instill in my children. I want to be able to look them in the eye and honestly tell them, if you work hard you can accomplish your dreams. Just like me. Of course I can rattle off plenty of inspiring stories like JK Rowling and Mary Higgins Clark, etc, etc. And that's all fine and true. But it's so much more powerful coming from someone in your own real life. I want to be able to tell my kids today that if they have a true and fiery passion for something, that is a hallmark of a goal they should have. And if they work hard it will happen. But to make them believe it, I have to do it first.

In other news, I am in the rotation for an internship at a literary agency. Super exciting stuff, so fingers crossed! I will make it into the industry someday, from one avenue, or another, or both. No matter how many R's and form letters I recieve, I've got to keep going. No matter how exhausted I am (which has never been more true than right now), I've got to keep trying. For every R I get, out go three more queries and three more applications. This is what I will pass on. Work hard and you will succeed. I just hope I'm right in this.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

A Step

I literally had quite possibly one of the best days ever yesterday. I drove to work in a good mood despite the rain, the traffic and the fact that it was Monday.

A few hours later I had a reason for my unexplainably chipper attitude. A request… For a partialllll.

I know in the industry this is not a big step (though still a step) but to me personally, it is HUGE.

If you read this blog you know that my first book gathered only rejections, dozens of them. I now know why, but the fact of the matter is I received zero interest.

I sent my query for my new book out on Friday, and come Monday had a request. I felt like I would burst from happiness. I can’t even imagine what I would do if I were to get a request for a full - or dare I say, “The Call.”

It was a great, fantastic, wonderful moment to be able to go home with good news after the hours and months I poured into this manuscript. My hubby took one look at me and said “you heard from an agent didn’t you!”

I still had to explain the process to him and the fact that this is one step of many, but still, very exciting for me. And very helpful on a variety if fronts.

For one, I now have confirmed that my query can do its job. If the agency comes back with a “no” after reading my sample pages, I then know there’s an issue with the first few chapters I need to address. Disappointing, but still helpful.

I’m trying to not blow this out of proportion and overreact too much, but it still feels awesome. My first bit of validation. My first step. It was a very good Monday :)

Meanwhile, please excuse me while I fanatically check my email every five seconds.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

The Starving Writer

I've always heard the term "starving artist" tossed around, and I think it can be further specified to apply to the "starving writer" as well. I always thought the phrase referred to the fact that artists have a hard time using their craft to make ends meet to the point of being able to purchase food. But I have come to consider that maybe it is more than just hunger artists (and writers) struggle through.

I think artists and writers hunger for more than just food. Artists are starved for a variety of things; support, validation, understanding. I have come to realize this and truly feel for the writers and artists of history, recognized or not. Many artists and writers were not appreciated in their lifetimes. And many more never at all.

I truly respect those, successful or not, who forged ahead with their passion without the encouragement of loved ones or the validation of the industry. I wonder what that felt like, to keep going, pouring countless hours into their craft, without any indication that they were any good at all.

Who am I kidding. I don't wonder what that feels like. I know what it feels like. I've written two books now, one being shelved, the first just yesterday seeing the light of day in the query races. I know that in terms of publishing I'm still a noob. Two books is nothing. 30+ query letters are nothing. But it would still be nice to have some sort of validation, of encouragement, from anyone.

We (or I anyway) expected that those closest to us, those that love us, will likewise support our dreams, but that's not always the case. Life, unfortunately, is not a book or a movie. Though maybe they have good intentions, or are simply just incapable of understanding, sometimes the people you expect to be your greatest cheerleaders are instead some of your biggest obstacles.

I find myself adding these people, though with many other attributes and countless explanations for being the way they are, to the list of people I need to prove myself to. It truly makes me very sad sometimes, and makes me wholeheartedly question my abilities and talent in my darker moments. Is it so much to want for the people who matter most in your life to root for you, to tell you that "you can do it," to "keep going," caution you to "not give up," and give it "one more try?"

Instead I find myself querying in secret, not telling another soul that I have completed my second book, my query letter, logline, synopsis and have submitted to my first group of agents, even though inside I am overjoyed. I don't want that joy stolen from me, however. I want to guard my hope and sense of accomplishment like a treasure. When I'm alone to reflect on it and wonder about the possibilities for this book, which I am so proud of, I smile. But it's lonely. I think we can add company to the list of things artists are starved for.

I look forward to the moment that I can triumphantly announce that an agent has decided to take me on with even more excitement than I would if I did have that cheerleader. That's a good thing I think. It'll make that moment even more joyful I expect. But in the meantime it's hard. I alone know why I compulsively check my email inbox, reread my cover letter and itch to reedit my manuscript. Even if I did try and explain it, put the excitement in the words, I know it falls on deaf ears.

I've been reading and rereading an article by the author of The Help lately. It makes me feel better, not just because she went through endless rounds of rejection before getting her first "yes" but because of the lack of support she received when sticking stubbornly to her book. She even lied about having a girls weekend so she could hole up in a local hotel to continue editing. I completely understand this. Sometimes the lack of support and understanding than your loved ones is even worse than the rejection of the industry.

Personally, I'd rather be starved for food than starved for some of these other things.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Off and Running!

Today my friends, I sent out my first batch of query letters. I hadn't planned on sending them today, I had originally pegged this weekend as my goal for crafting and sending out my first (and ideally only) round. However, after reading some agent interviews that relayed that the week after labor day being one of the busiest for queries I decided I needed to put as much distance between myself and that flurry of queries as possible. And so, I got up EXTRA, extra early (since I already get up early to write) and sent them out. Whew. Here we go again. I think I'm equal parts excitement and apprehension. I'm thrilled with this book and prepared to fight tooth and nail for my characters and story. I am apprehensive due to only the nature of the industry (I'm likely competing against a minimum of 100 other queries based on agent blogs) and my past experience with querying my last book. But there is a big difference. This query is world's ahead of my last, which regretfully was a mess. This time I used a variety of forums to perfect my letter and believe its as good a representation of my story that I could reasonably make it. Now I just have to sit back and hope that story resonates with the agents. Time will tell. Will keep you posted!

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Writing Contest

In the world of querying, the more exposure you can give your writing, the better. I've read so many success stories from authors who went through wave after wave of rejection (clearly seeking out such stories to numb my own rejection pain) before receiving the coveted "call." The point of this being it only takes one "yes" and just because your story might not work for one agent does not mean that there isn't an agent out their suited perfectly for you and your story.

So in an effort to help fellow aspiring authors (and selfishly to try and win a logline critique - I can't even type "logline" without cringing), here is a link to a unique twist on the querying dance - an agent auction.

http://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-2013-bakers-dozen-earliest-info-ever.html

A blog I follow, Miss Snark's First Victim, runs a contest (yearly I gather) where you post exerts of your unpublished MS and agents literally bid on pages. Pretty cool! It's not until November for my category and I would love to hope I'll have an agent by then (querying begins in September!!) but if I do not (negative though realistic comment that I was tempted to write here was deleted in an effort to remain positive and hopeful), I will definitely enter.

If you are doing the dreaded query dance as well, I suggest you consider entering too!

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

When To Stop

For anyone who has ever written a MS or the dreaded query letter, I expect (and hope) you found yourself in my dilemma - when to stop revising and submit. It is such a double edged sword in my opinion. Obviously with each new read through, with every bit of feedback you receive, you see new things, find new ways to improve your work. But when do you say "ok this is good enough?" I don't know the answer to this. Maybe there is none. For my MS, I've opted to do two complete read-throughs, with a couple additional passes on the first chapter. I'm happy with this and think that will at least allow me to trim my word count (which I desperately need to) and sharpen sentences. The way I see it is that if an agent, and later an editor, are interested in the story, they'll have their own editing suggestions. So as long as the story is clean and well written, if I can get them to my sample pages and ::gasp:: a partial, or dare I say full request, I should be good. The query on the other hand, is another matter entirely. The query letter is the single most important (with exception to the logline, which I loooaaathe, but that's a topic for another post) piece of writing you will do. Even if you have a bad sentence, a bad paragraph, heck - even a bad chapter - in your MS you could still get a bite. But a bad query? Your chances are slim to none. I've heard people complain about the synopsis, that it's an impossible, hair tearing task - but for me this at least came fairly easily. My query on the other hand makes me want to jump off a cliff. I've gone over it and over it. I've used a variety of critiquers on a variety of forums. I've desperately entered query critique contests with agents, but won none. I'm at the point now where I don't know what to do anymore. My latest (and not so greatest) version has received mixed reviews. Some like A but not B. someone else likes B but not A. I guess this is the fundamental problem with querying and why it's essential to query a wide variety of agents. While one it might not work for, for another it may be perfect. So I'm at a crossroad. Part of me wants to say, ok this is "good enough," start querying. But the other part, the sleep deprived writer that spent years daydreaming of this story and months writing it, slaps the first part upside the head and tells them to jump off that cliff with their "good enough." We want perfection. Regardless of whether or not the book is a good fit for the agent, I want to compel them to at least read the sample pages. But time is ticking. Every day I think of the agents neatly filed away on my "To Query" spreadsheet and my blood pressure rises. Each day I delay is an opportunity for another writer with a similar storyline to take up a precious spot on the agent's list. I can't help but picture the writer quietly polishing her vampire novel masterpiece the day before Twilight blew up. You know she's out there. And she terrifies me. So I guess I'm wondering where you find the balance. There has to be a middle ground between good enough and perfection right? I just wish there was some sort of alarm that alerts you when you hit it.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

There are other writer people out there!

In my last, super depressing post lamenting my lack of people to vent about my writing woes to, I also mentioned I had stumbled across a writers forum with a query critique thread. I'm not going to lie, throwing my query up for all to see took a lot of psyching myself up. And my initial response to the edits was to cringe and wallow. But having gotten over the initial angst of it, I. Could. Not. Love. It. More. I am positively addicted to reading other poster's queries. For someone who loves books but has seriously little time to read them, scanning through all the queries is incredibly fun. The editor in me also enjoys the chance to offer suggestions and engage in writing/phrasing/word crafting discussions with other aspiring writers. And then there's my own query. Despite my initial ego blow at the edits, once I got over that and started implementing the notes, I could actually see my query getting better and better with every revision. When I compare my first draft to the one I have now, full of peer suggestions and changes, I cringe when I look at my first draft. Not only am I overwhelming appreciative of the assistance with my query, I even more appreciate the interaction with fellow writers. Where yesterday I felt like a complete outsider I can now see that there are tons of people who share my same goals and struggles. It feels nice :) So yes. Today my friends, is a much better day.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Low.

I’ve reached what I’ve come to recognize as the aftermath of completing a novel. This being my second finished manuscript, the first of which having gone nowhere (as of today anyway), I am hoping that it is just a normal part of the process and not an indicator of what is to come of MS#2.

But I digress. I’m feeling crappy, blue and all around just low about my novel. And yes this is the book I’ve been so thrilled about all along. But coming to the end of it I’ve been plagued by feelings that it is just total garbage. Unoriginal, poorly written, junk.

Someone please tell me this is normal? It’s in times like these that I feel so alone in this dream. I can already tell you the responses of the typical people I would vent to and while well intended, they won’t help me. The hubby will tell me to stop being negative. My mother will tell me it’s brilliant and I’m crazy to think otherwise. My best friend will say I’m being ridiculous.

All kind. None helpful however. What I really need is a writing friend who can relate, and if you’ve read my earlier posts I imagine you’re shaking your head saying " well what about that author cousin of yours?"

Oy. What about her? I’ve not updated since my initial post but as I fully expected (and hoped) for her her novel has found unbelievable, extreme and crazy, crazy success. Massive three book deal, more international deals than I can count on my hands and a potential movie deal. I kid you not. It’s totally insane, but not insane because she is insanely talented. But I’m hoping these new details make it clear why she’s not the one to go to with woes about thinking your work is no good. Somehow I don’t think she’ll be able to relate ;)

But anyway, that leaves me exactly where I am. I’ll just have to muddle through on my own and be my own cheerleader. Which is fine, but not easy.

Having put so much into this novel I’m pulling out all the stops for it. I’ve joined a writers forum for query help. I refuse to let this MS, which somewhere deep down I still have deep love for, to be overlooked because of a poor query. So I’ve posted my first draft for peer help.

To be truthful, the first reply was like a punch in the gut and sent me further down my spiral of negativity. The person reviewing called out every tiny point I questioned and deeply shook my confidence in the entire project by doing so. They also didn’t like my very favorite part of the query, which I wrote months and months ago.

I closed the site and didn’t look at it again until this morning. And I felt better once I did. Overnight another poster commented with both edits and praise. That tiny bit of validation allowed me to reread the first posters comments and appreciate them for the flaws they corrected. After all the point is to craft the best query I can and both posters raised valid concerns.

And so, with appreciation for all edits, I revised and reposted. New comments pending. But I feel better. I hope I can make the query strong enough to attract agent attention. And as I returned to my editing this morning at 5am, I began to feel better about the MS too.

The low-ness is still there, but hopefully I’ll shake it soon. Or at least learn to ignore it.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Dun, da dun dun DONE!!

As of 6:21AM this morning I wrote the last word to MS#2. I am DONE!! With the writing phase anyway. Now I am on to phase #2 - editing and revising.

But still, it feels good. At least I think it does. I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. Especially since my morning writing typically ends around 6AM so I can get ready for work, I was a wee bit rushed this morning. It’ll hit me tomorrow I think, when I reread what I wrote today and then ::gasp:: start at the beginning.

I’m pretty eager/excited to begin polishing. I’ve got big plans for this novel. I’m trying to remind myself, without patting myself on the back too much, that having written two novels is a pretty big accomplishment in itself. The logical side of me likes to pipe up and remind me that it only counts if they’re published, but I’m TRYING to remember to tell that little voice to shut up and just be proud.

Regardless, I really do love this novel and hope (obviously) others do too. This one is truly written for me and is something I would love to read. Not that the other one, MS#1, isn’t - but I feel like that book I would have loved to read when I was 12, and this one I love to read now.

Of course, the typical post writing fears still reach me. I still fear that the book is crap, the writing sucks and the concept lacks that “spark" agents told me was missing from MS#1. I hope not. And I don’t think so. But until I get it out there I don’t know.

I feel that the concept to this one is strong. I feel the story is compelling and the characters captivating. I am very clearly influenced by a few books and movies though, and I hope not so much so that the story is bland. I think I’ll feel better once I start polishing though.

Through my usual morning reflection period (aka my commute), I came to realize that I WILL accomplish my goal of becoming an author. If not with this book then the next, or the one after that. I have decided that you cannot have a burning passion to accomplish something without the path to your goal being possible. Now I’m not saying that I think that if I decide I wanted to be president or a celebrity stylist I could. It’d be real cool to be a movie star or a singer or an astronaut, but do I have a fiery, fierce desire to be these things? No. I do, in fact, have this intense desire to be an author though, and in that lies all the difference.

I believe in this theory and want my kid(s) to believe it too. And for them to do that, I need to prove it to be true. Then I can look into her (their) eyes one day after listening to their goals and dreams and tell her (them) with all sincerity and confidence that they can do it. It may take work. It may take 4:30AM alarms, lots of coffee, countless rejections and bumps in the road but she (they) can do it. Just like I did.

Side note - what’s with all the ( )’s you might ask? Well we have decided that it’s high time our daughter had a sibling. So “she" may become a prospective “they" in the next few months :) exciting stuff. And I can announce it here since I am writing from my closet hiding spot. But with a newborn potentially making his or her arrival in the next year or so, I need to get MS#2 finished ASAP! And then off to the query races. All of which, I’m pretty psyched about!

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

What's in a name?

In short... Everything! So for me, naming my characters is a big deal. Huge. I agonized over each and every name in my current MS. That doesn't mean I spent a ton of time choosing each one. Some came much easier and faster than others. For those I feel like I always knew their names and it didn't take long to select them. Others took me longer to discover. Like my protagonist in my current project. For this character, I literally spent hours brainstorming and researching to find the perfect name for him. I used a baby name app and scrolled through probably thousands of entries. And then I found it and it was perfect and glorious and wonderful. Fast forward about 6 months. My MS is about 75% done. I am wrapping up the story, assembling a list of agents to query and preparing to dive into he editing phase. Then here I am one day, minding my own business, reading up on the next big YA novels to hit and the ones who are gaining momentum. I begin reading a synopsis of a very popular series, soon to be movie franchise and BAM!! One of the main characters has. my. name. No not MY name but my perfect, unique, not-trendy-but-not-too-weird-either character's name. You've got to be kidding me. So now I am spending what is probably way too much time fretting over what to do. I have settled on a plan B name but of course I don't like it nearly as much. So I'm still not sure what to do. Should I keep my original protagonist name (and no it's not Harry, thankfully)? Or to distance myself from this popular YA series, change it? Would this name duplication matter to agents/publishers? Should I leave it alone for now and leave it to editors to address? Or is it a big enough issue that I should change it ASAP? My greatest concern is that agents/publishers will think that I'm trying to bite off of the success of the already published series and that is so far from being the case. Today I am leaning towards keeping it and addressing the point later if necessary. But I've been tending to waver back and forth on this. What do you think - keep the original name, or change it? ** And just a disclaimer - I've been posting from my phone so I apologize for any autocorrect edits that creep their way into this blog.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

I would NEVER do that! Oh wait, I did do that. A lot.

I recently read a post on a writers website about backstory and how writers, especially newer writers, often cram too much of it into their first chapters. This is explained as a poor choice because it slows down the story for the reader, takes out the fun guessing games and is essentially an "information dump." so yeah, don't do this. And to be honest I knew all if this and was very careful not to do information "dumps" on my readers in MS#2. Or so I thought. You see, after reading that post I decided on a whim to go back and skim through my first chapter. In my head a cocky little voice scoffed, like I would ever do that! I don't have any backstory in my first chapter. So I selected my highlight tool in Word, fully expecting to hardly use it, and suddenly three pages of my chapter 1 are COVERED in red. My pages are bleeding out backstory. From there I did what I think a lot of writers would do. At least I hoped so. I engaged on the quintessential argument with myself. First I denied. "well that isn't reeeeeally backstory I said. It was. Then I was indignant. "But I neeeeeed that all in there," I argued. I mostly didn't. After that I was depressed. "I can't believe I did that," I lamented. But I did do it. Just like this blog posting said I would. I also displayed in a few minutes span all the things the article said writers do to explain it away. I denied. I argued that the reader needed to know those things right then and there. I tried reading the pages without the highlighted backstory elements and found that it DID read better. Just like the article said it would. So even though I consciously already new that too much backstory too early is bad bad badddd, somehow a bunch of it still creeped it's way into my pages. Goes to show you that even when you think you know what you're doing, you can still make the very mistakes you're trying to avoid. At least that's what I learned about myself. I'm just super thrilled that I read that article and gave my own first chapter a second look. As a writer, first chapters have to be perfection and I may never have noticed how much backstory was in my early pages and how much of it was truly unnecessary. Sometimes that can be all it takes to dissuade an agent or publisher from asking to see more. So if you are a writer as well, my advice to you would be to just double check with your own highlighter tool. Even if you already know this backstory tip, just make double and triple sure your first chapter isn't bleeding as well.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Why NOW?!

Why is it that the most amazingly perfect ideas fall into my head at the exact moment that I cannot write them down without wreaking some sort of havoc on myself or those around me? The three prime locations for me to receive ingenious bits of dialogue or plot developments are as follows:

A. The Shower. This is incredibly annoying as I must decide to either risk forgetting the most incredible piece of literary perfection, or risk angering a husband by soaking the bathroom mat, bathroom floor, hallway rug and bedroom rug, as I make a mad dash for a notebook, or more typically, my iPhone notepad app. For the sake of my marriage, these annoyingly ideal thoughts often have to wait. And they're NEVER as perfect as they were the moment you first thought them. Ever.

2. Mere Seconds Before Falling Asleep. If the shower is annoying, then this is just plain cruel. I have a full time job. I have a toddler and a marriage. I get up at 5am to write for an hour before work. I. Need. Sleep. (and coffee, but who doesn't?). It's in those quiet, calm moments when sleep is just about to overtake you that an answer to how you get your hero out of a jam or the reason behind why the villain is so villainous will occur to you. And then you can kiss your sleep goodbye. You can't let these thoughts and ideas go just for sleep can you?! To the dismay of my husband, perpetually irked by the blinding light of an iPhone in the night, I certainly can't. Most of the time. Every once in a while my sleep-self desperately fighting to become pleasantly unconscious convinces me that I will remember in the morning. Which of course, you don't. Jokes on YOU sleep-self. Won't fool me again! Though I probably won't remember if she does.

III. The Car. While Driving. The car is both my worst nemesis and the point of greatest inspiration for me. On one hand, it's an absolutely ideal vessel for brainstorming. No one interrupts you. You can play your best "writing" playlist. You can think without the pressures of appearing engaged in conversation. There's few distractions (except for that whole "driving thing"). It is here that while listening to my inner character's dialogue or plotting out how I get them into that jam mentioned in "2," that I come up with my best ideas, my favorite bits of dialogue and the most compelling storyline twists. Only one problem... You have to wait until you arrive somewhere in order to write them down! In all honesty, I don't always wait to arrive. Don't get me wrong, I never text and drive. (Just don't - it's not worth it, not even for those ingenious turns of phrases. You want to live to finish your book don't you?!). But I can't say I never jotted down notes at a stop light or was secretly happy for a traffic jam so I could write a few things down. I've said for years I need to invest in a tape recorder so I can at least preserve these driving thoughts, but somehow I fear the day I do will be the day these inspirations dry up, somehow repelled by the technology.

In the end, I am simply happy that I do have these moments, even if they are at inopportune times. Despite the frustration that goes along with knowing there was a "better way to say that" or a "more perfect explanation for this," these brainstorming moments still propel my story forward.

And I'll let you in on a small secret.... it's almost done! Well not really ALMOST, almost. But within 30K words! Very exciting. I'm very proud of MS#2 and am beyond enthused to start submitting. But that's another post rant. It just feels so good to be proud of something I've written (finally!) I can hardly contain myself.... or those poorly timed, wonderfully worded tidbits.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Short Story Contest

I recently entered a short story contest on a writers website I frequent. It was just for fun but I really enjoyed it. I typically write fantasy/sci-fi so it was an appreciated break from my norm. The requirements and story are as follows: The story has to start with this line “Heads, we get married; tails, we break up.” and be under 750 words Penny Proposal “Heads, we get married; tails, we break up.” I remember this moment vividly, with more clarity than many other much more significant moments in my life like my senior prom or college graduation. Ryan and I were sitting on a bench behind the batting cage on our elementary school's baseball field. It was field day and we were the ripe old age of 9 and very much in love. Or as much in love as you can be in the fourth grade. I remember my heart leaping to my throat at the word "married" and then falling to my toes at "break up." "But I don't want to break up," I replied hesitantly, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. "Do you?" I asked shyly, staring down at my favorite purple sneakers with the pink ribbon laces. "Of course not, stupid," Ryan said with a grin. "It's going to be heads, you'll see." Still reluctant, I continued to eye the shiny penny resting on his palm. "C'mon Sarah don't you trust me?" he asked, taking my hand with his empty one. "Ready on the count of three?" I wasn't ready. I was afraid the penny was going to betray me and land tails side up. What if Ryan took it as a sign? What if he thought it meant we should break up? I chewed my lip nervously, eyeing the fickle speck of metal. "One, two," he began slowly, eyeing me with that mischievous glint in his eye that I always found so intriguing. "Three!" he yelled and tossed the penny high into the air. I watched as it seemed to rise forever, taunting me with its power. "Heads we get married, tails, we break up," I repeated quickly under my breath. "It's going to be heads," Ryan said confidently as he snatched my other hand with his now vacant one and positioned it to catch the falling coin. It landed in my palm with a tiny thud. He curled my fingers closed around it. "How do you know?" I asked, my eyes full of fear. He smiled as he pressed my clenched fist to the back of his hand. "Because we're going to get married and be together forever," he replied. I opened my hand. I smiled wistfully as I sat on the floor of my apartment, sifting through a box of pictures, dried flower petals and folded bits of paper. The penny had landed heads up, just like Ryan knew it would. Afterwards he had tucked the penny into my pocket and told me to carry it as a reminder that we were going to be together forever. We didn't end up that way, however. A note passed to me from him on a cold and rainy January day in the fifth grade had broken that promise and my young heart. It had said, "Let's just be friends, Love Ryan," I recalled as I fondly read one of the folded up notes from the box. I had wanted to throw away the penny then, but instead I had tucked it away, still clinging to the other half of his promise, young and idealistic I cleared out the remnants of the box and there it was, shining in the corner. I took the penny carefully out of the box and held it in my palm. "Heads we get married, tails, we break up," I murmured to myself as I flipped the penny into the air. It landed heads, just like that day on the bench. I smiled at the memory. "Hey Sarah, can you come down here for a sec?" a voice called from downstairs. I rose, the penny still in my hand, and walked down the stairs to the living room. An odd glow was flickering from the room. I entered curiously to see what was going on. The room was filled with what had to be hundreds of white candles. They were everywhere; on the table, around the floor, on the mantle. Ryan stood in the center of the room, grinning at me in that confident and mischievous way that I had loved since we were in the fourth grade. Covering the floor in front of him, gleaming with the reflections of the flickering candles, were pennies spelling out the words "Will You Marry Me?" I stepped closer to the words and to him, tears running down my cheeks, and saw that all the pennies were heads up.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Slow and Steady...

I'm not a patient person. When I read a book, a good book that is, it's at lightning speed. If I could absorb the entire story into my head all at once, I would. Once I start a story, I must find out what happens immediately, if not sooner. I think it's genetic. I recently overhead one of my aunts confess that when she reads books it's non stop, every second, scanning pages at stop lights kind of reading. And thats me as well. I've found that its the same when I'm writing. With some small alterations. When I'm writing, like with MS#2, I know the story. I see it start to finish in my head. My hands are chronically too slow and I can't get the words typed fast enough. But I cannot rush this. It's a process, an art. When I'm reading, I have the luxury of going back and rereading, once I know the basic story that is. Once I've read it once at full speed I can go back and take it all in at a leisurely pace, noticing small touches, subtle hints and intricate weaving of words the author has so carefully crafted. With writing, I don't really have the luxury. And that's ok. While writing my own story I know I must be patient. I know that if I'm not, I may miss a perfect turn of phrase or a subtle opportunity for foreshadowing. I have to take my time and perfect each line. I have yo make sure each word counts. So that the reader has the luxury to read it at lightning speeds.

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Moving On

So. 30ish queries later and a whoooole lot of R's in my query spreadsheet (I'm a closeted organization junkie as well) I am leaning towards retiring efforts with MS#1. Not shelving it entirely, but definitely pushing it to the side.

I think I read a quote from JKR once that said something along the lines of "if you keep getting rejections, you need to consider the possibility that what you've written is not publishable." So I am considering. I don't think the work is bad, per say. Well that's a lie. Sometimes I really do think it's bad, as is the MO of most writers I've heard. But then I reread and disagree. But I digress. I am considering that MS#1 is either unpublishable or is not publishable right now. 

I'm not giving up on it entirely, I know that in the grand scheme of publishing, 30 queries is often the tip of the iceberg. And I read a great article on WritersDigest.com today (full article here: http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/if-youre-feeling-down-and-out-about-a-rejection-letter)  that relayed a success story that came after over 100 rejections. But I just can't afford to keep investing the time in querying when it could be more effectively invested into MS#2. 

So I'm thinking I have three choices at this point:

1. Shelve MS#1 entirely for a length of time. I don't think I could do this... but it is an option.

2. Rewrite and repitch as a MG (middle grade) novel. This is an interesting point for me. I have been kicking this around for a while because I have felt more and more that this novel is better suited to 5th-7th graders. I feel that the tone is more older end of MG, younger end of YA. This would not be a huge undertaking either. I think generally, I would only need to go in and edit the ages/grade references of the characters from 13/8th to 11/6th. 

I think this may end up being the correct approach because YA is fiercely, ruthlessly, competitive right now. Not that I shy away from the competition  but the younger, lighter feel of the book cannot compete in this marketplace. Or so I've determined. MG is a little lighter right now though, so maybe it'll get more attention. My only qualm with this is the length. MS#1 is far longer than what is typical of a MG novel. 92k. That could be a problem, but hopefully not a big one. Time will tell.

3. Then there's the third option - self-publishing. I cringe as I write this, even though I am well aware that many great, successful novels come from self-publishing... I am just VERY attached to the traditional route. But C'est la vie (that's the extent of my 6 years of French class - just a fun tidbit). I think I would feel much better about shelving MS#1 if it wasn't truly shelved. Just throw it up and see where it goes.

In reality, my decision will likely be a combo of #2 and #3. I will probably break down and self-publish, with the modifications as discussed. I would also like to try re-querying the novel as a MG book to MG agents but not right away. I think I want to let the dust settle for a bit first from my first two rounds of queries. Plus, as I said, MS#2 truly requires all of my attention right now.

So my plan of action is: invest a little time in the next few weeks (taking precious time away from MS#2, but I gotta do it!) and edit and self publish. Once MS#2 is complete and under consideration, in between rounds of queries (which is hopefully obsolete because the very first query I send will result in representation!!), I'll requery MS#1 as MG. My aim for completion and dual querying is mid-late summer. Exciting stuff in my world, let me tell you.

In other news, I have a new day job, a recently mobile toddler on my hands, and a wedding to participate in. Therefore I am getting up at 5am to write. And I am tired. I am very tired. But that's why there is coffee, right! And tired and happy is WAY better than rested and miserable - don't you agree?

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

Distracted

So I've recently said four words I truly had begun to feel like I would never be able to say. Even writing them/saying them now makes me cringe a little, like I might jinx it, but here goes... I like my job. Wow. Still feels weird.

I recently accepted a position at a small company with big ideas as the Director of Marketing. That's a huge title bump for me and one that I am very proud of. I can actually see a future at this company. I like what I do. I really enjoy my co-workers and the clients we work with. This is a great opportunity for me to have a really successful career in marketing, Sounds perfect, right? It almost is.So, so close.

I should be happy, and I am. I should be content, but I am not. I am distracted. You see, even though I finally like my job, like what I do, and see an indefinite future at this company, I am still distracted. I still find myself perusing writer blogs and searching for new agents to query. I still get lost in daydreams about the book I am writing. I still find it hard to concentrate at the tasks at hand at my day job while I am really trying to flush out a dialogue between two of my characters in my head.

Despite how perfect this new job is for me, I still can't let go of my publishing aspirations. They still distract me and they don't seem to be going away. And I don't want them to. I feel like I have two, very real, but very separate dreams. I envision myself as the Marketing Director of a mid-sized company, overseeing a small staff of marketing professionals. I envision making a name for myself in marketing, and I like that dream. But I also have another dream.

In this dream I live in a big house in a quiet town in Connecticut. I have an upstairs office with lots of natural daylight. I sit in a room surrounded by books with my name on the spine, working on my next novel. I travel to NYC once a month to meet with my editor and agent. I sign book contracts. I do a book tour. I write all day in that sunny room with a warm cup of coffee. And I love this dream.

I can't deny which dream I prefer, even though they are both important. And it doesn't have to be exact. I would be happy sitting in an office in Hartford with "Marketing Director" business cards on my desk and a bookshelf full of books behind me that have my name on the spine. This one I would be totally cool with too. But I have doubts this second dream, regardless of the setting, will happen.

I know getting published is about as likely as winning the lottery. OK maybe a smidge more likely, but not probable. I'm a realist and I don't like to get carried away with things that just might not be in the cards for me. But even though I try very hard to be sensible. And I am. It still breaks my heart a little.

Can these two dreams co-exist? I really don't know. I feel like I cannot do my marketing job to its fullest because of the distraction by my other dream. The day I was the most distracted came after an unusual week night of writing. That can't be a coincidence, can I? I feel like these two dreams can't co-exist, and that leaves me a little lost. I hope I can manage both. I hope both paths are successful. But it hard to not be distracted during the day by what I'm trying to accomplish at night (and in the early morning, and on lunch breaks and on lazy Sunday afternoons...you get the picture).

[writingfromthecloset-blog]

agents, agents, agents, agents and more agents

I've been doing the query letter dance for a few weeks now. It is both exhausting and exhilarating. I've sent out 14 queries (I recently read you should only do batches of 10. Oops. Overachiever again) and received three rejections.

As far as rejections go they were fairly positive. I got a "not a right fit," a "it didn't grab me but that is totally subjective and I suggest querying a wide range of agents to find one who feels that spark," and what I think was a form letter response.

Not bad considering I'd read on a variety of publishing blogs that most agents do not reply if they are not interested. I am also relieved at the replies. I think I was half expecting a "this is total crap, stop trying to be a writer and go work at B&N if you want a career with books," type replies. More politely worded of course. But I think for rejections, they were fairly positive.

Therefore I am feeling upbeat and positive :)

In other news, I start a new marketing job on Monday. I'm feeling slightly excited, but more disgruntled to be honest. I like marketing. I'm good at it. But I am really getting tired of settling. Now that I have clearly defined my professional direction to publishing, whether as an author, a marketer, editor or agent, that's what I'll pursue. I'll give this new job my all obviously and try to be open minded to give it a chance. It really is a great opportunity for me. I just know my hearts not in it. So I promised myself I would stop making the same professional mistakes over and over and over again. If I don't love it there, I move on. No more getting trapped in places.

I will continue seeking jobs at literary agencies and with publishers. I will continue writing. I will query more agents. I already have a list started for my next batch. I am determined to find a place in the publishing world. I will one day have a job that I am excited on Sunday nights for, not dreading the coming morning.

I am thinking that the laws of agenting are the same as with job applications. 10% success rate. For every 10 queries I send, hopefully I will get at least one partial request. So for now, it's all agents, agents, agents and more agents.