Hello all, this is my writing blog where I post all my creative-whatever-stuff that I write sometimes. This is a side blog of mine, so if I follow you back, it will say a different blog name other than this one. Thank you so much for reading.
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Existential Crisis
I am a creature of need An existence revolving around Affection entirely Reassure me Why I matter Why I am here Why I touch and feel And breathe The world moves on without me Life continues on People forget The rain still falls Fire still burns The earth still crumbles and will consume my body when I am gone. I am a speck of dust in the universe A mere twinkle of light And you wonder why I can’t sleep at night knowing how small I am in the grand scheme of it all. God has casted us all and I am a non-speaking part at best
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The Well & Myself
The Well & Myself
I want to drive me away from myself – to drown out my self-depreciation by any means necessary.
I pour bottles into the well of my body to hide the darkness at the bottom – to drown the demons trying to crawl out.
I want to drive my shortcomings out of myself – to drown out my fears and failures by any means necessary.
I pour bottles into the well to drown out my clear self. If I only have to see…
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Recluse
I can feel myself
slowly caving in.
Rocks are falling
and blocking the entrance,
sealing off the sunlight
that seeps in.
The walls are being built;
the hallways are being closed off.
The curtains are shut
and the doors
boarded up.
I would rather suffocate from a lack of air
than from being surrounded by people,
being overwhelmed
and emotionally drained
and constantly worried and sick
and…
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The Words I Can’t Say
When I tried to talk to you,
the words couldn’t quite get through
the foggy haze inside my head.
The only syllables I could spill out
were less than any
contained in one can of alphabet soup.
Well, what are your interests?
I’m interested in –
not being alone inside my head
and getting lost
in downward spiraling thoughts,
like wondering why
when I’m in a room full of every single person I love and…
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When you called
I was just getting off of work
the first time I got a phone call
saying you collapsed,
and you were in the hospital,
and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong.
My chest weighed a million pounds
when I was trying to go to sleep that night.
I had just finished dinner,
and was still picking leftover spinach out of my teeth
when you called
and told me they thought at first it was your heart,
but…
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#free verse#free verse poem#free verse poetry#poem#Poetry#poetry blog#spilled ink#spilled ink poem#spilled ink poetry#when you called#writing blog
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In Bloom
The flower has opened
all of its petals,
and now basks in the glory
of breaking dawn.
Once only a bud
hidden in the shadow
of the overbearing tree,
it is now in full bloom,
with its face aglow in the new light.
Even though
the tree has ceased to be,
the little flower
now thrives freely
in the light of day.
Once insignificant
and overlooked,
the flower has grown
taller and brighter and fuller
than…
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Sinking
Signal fading Static glazed eyes Ears ringing and heart pounding Too careless to even try Find inside what you didn’t hope for and try to unwish it Peel off these thin layers only to uncover the horrible sight you didn’t ask for Sore limbs and fighting off sin but losing every time The guilty pleasures are locked away but they crawl back out every night
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Staring Death in the Mouth
I’m reaching for the stars to bring you back down to earth because I didn’t say goodbye yet and I am not ready to only be able to see you up in the stars, away from in my arms. How strange time is when it’s been ten years since I last stood in front of you, but I still remember the sound of your voice, the feel of your gaze on me, the timbre of your laughter. I could have sworn it was only…
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Some Form of New
I’m jumping off the diving board into black, frigid waters, but I’m holding your hand so tight to give me real courage inside; not just the kind I can paint on my exterior every day. It’s getting too hard to cover up the spots chipping away. I need to be cleansed completely. Spring time has come again, and I’m in full bloom this year. I’ve been properly watered and nourished over these last few…
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The Unknown
I’m trying to fit all the pieces together, trying to make everything fall into place. But, the pieces keep changing their shape. The world around me is becoming a haze. The boarders are blurred, and I can’t keep up with the changing pace. I’m falling backwards into the dark, stuck in the crevices, watching all of my careful planning fall apart. Mistakes are seeping in through the cracks, staining…
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Depression and post-traumatic stress cocktail, served.
A six-word description of myself.
#six word story#six word poem#six word poetry#poem#poetry#spilled ink writing#spilled ink poetry#spilled ink poem#spilled ink#poetry blog#writing#writing blog
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Kingdom of the Damned
I’ve written you off so many times now, and yet every time my pen hits the paper, you fill up every line. Time has healed all of my wounds, but the scar tissue still remains. And when I sleep at night, your ghost still haunts my dreams. You can be nonexistent in my future, but our past is buried in my brain. But, oh, how it's comforting to see that your empire has come crushing down on you. I was the Altus to your world, and without my shoulders to press down upon, you have become nothing. Your loyal subjects have abandoned you once the veil was pulled from their eyes. You will drown in your addictions, and in your own crocodile tears. Your finger will never fail to point at somebody, anybody, but yourself, to put the blame on. But you can take that pointing finger and stand in front of a mirror to find out who the real culprit is. And though I am scarred, traumatized, and haunted, I will never give up the fight of burying you away forever with Lucifer and his angels, so that you will forever suffer, and will always remember that you were once a part of God's loving kingdom. You ruined and tainted it all with your sins. Your lust, your sloth, your greed, your pride, your wrath. You wanted to rule all, so go and rule the kingdom of the damned.
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A Common Misconception
Glazed eyes,
and shaking hands,
painting over
the ache of loneliness
multiple times,
with any color,
any object you can find -
enough to ask yourself
why
or how
you’re still alive.
I have a little red string in my ribs
tied up to yours,
my sole life line.
The only thing
tethering me
to reality
at this point.
Love alone
doesn’t seal the cracks
your suicidal thoughts
seep in through.
But I’ll be damned if I don’t try.
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Lowering the Mental Threshold
Maybe I’ve been subconsciously forgetting to take my meds because I have this little desire, deep inside my brain, for everything to fall apart. I’ve always been drawn to disasters, the beauty of chaos, the tragedies of the world.
My subconscious has a craving to take over my rational thoughts, to turn my pain into art. Abaissement du niveau mental.
My best work was written with the blood of my bleeding soul.
And as an artist, an addiction to self-deprivation gets in the way when you’d like to have stability with your friends and your body and your mind.
And I find myself going back and forth, wondering… is art really worth losing it all?
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Song Bird
I float through life, small and insignificant; a feather in the wind, led on by the will of others. Torn apart and stripped down, and left in the dirt to rot away under a boulder of burden. But, one day, the wind whispers to me, and pushes me back out in to a world I had lost sight of for so long. A world I no longer know my way in. The wind clings me on to another bird, and I can fly so far away from the troubles of before. I can see the sun set, I can feel the rain on my skin, I can sing the songs of life. Freedom at last. But, freedom is never really free, is it? There are still obstacles to overcome every day in life. Guns aimed at you, predators chasing you, ignorantly hateful stones and slurs thrown at you. The battle was won, but the war continues on. Everything in life is disliked somehow, even a harmless little song bird. Some don't like to hear their songs of freedom. Even when goodness is preached, there will always be those who aim to silence it.
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A Requiem For My Past Love
It still hurts to sleep alone, and I'm still ridden with anxiety. If people think this doesn't hurt me too, they don't know anything about love, and they did not feel the crushing weight put on me by you, and they did not see what I once perceived as my whole world falling apart. They must think I have no heart. There is no such thing as "truth" as long as different perspectives exist. People choose to believe what they want, even if it's not what actually happened. They simply lead on their lives with their hearts. You haunt my dreams still, no matter where or when or with whom I fall asleep with. Maybe when I forget you, the nightmares will finally stop. But how can I forget? How does one forget, living confined in a box, restrained and restricted, for so long? How do I forget my skewed perception of that space being my entire world, when I finally step out of the box, and can see that I was missing so much more? When does that pain go away? Or does it ever? I told myself not to write this out, but I've stitched myself back up enough to have the courage to spit it out. I cannot, I will not be silenced any longer. I fear nothing now, and cannot wait for the final sweet release of death upon our once existing love.
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A Homage To You
Your pale skin glows under the dim purple light
like the Milky Way sparkling through the night sky.
Your touch ignites
all that was once held back within my soul.
I am a wounded animal in your care,
in your gentle arms. I flinch and twitch and whine
and yet you still hold me close
every time.
I haven't changed my sheets yet
because I don't want your scent to leave me.
I want to lay forever in our messy nest.
They say the secret ingredient to sex is love, and boy my dear were they right.
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