x1-drabbles

[x1-drabbles]

“It Will Be Okay” [pt. 4]

// this never showed up in the tags? ;_; //

⇾ 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: hangyul/reader

⇾ 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩: you’re dating a member of the hyung line. the recent controversy has been difficult for them. you comfort them the best you can as they all deal in their own ways.

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[x1-drabbles]

“It Will Be Okay” [pt. 4]

⇾ 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: hangyul/reader

⇾ 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩: you’re dating a member of the hyung line. the recent controversy has been difficult for them. you comfort them the best you can as they all deal in their own ways.

⇾ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: none.

⇾ 𝙖/𝙣: part 1 (seungwoo/reader HERE.) ; part 2 (wooseok/reader HERE.) ; part 3 (seungyoun/reader HERE.) || this is long overdue! i’ve been spending most of my fictober writing time on my X1 zombie apocalypse AU HERE. this pairing concludes the series, but please feel free to drop any X1 x reader prompts in my ask box! thank you again for all the love. ♡♡♡

You’re getting some work done at the local cafe near your apartment, sitting at a table with your laptop and a hot cup of jasmine tea. It’s a nice change of scenery and being away from your small place helps you to focus and avoid distractions. You’re just opening up another spreadsheet file when your cell phone begins to vibrate, rattling quietly against the tabletop. You glance over at the screen to check the notification pop-up. It’s a text.

Can you come by? Practice room 3. I’ll leave the door open.

You rest your chin on your hand and stare down at your phone screen with a sigh. You’ve been patiently waiting for this, honestly.

It’s been obvious that Hangyul has been avoiding you, but you know from experience that it isn’t personal. He has a very difficult time showing his emotions and being vulnerable, and when he’s around you, he has a hard time keeping himself composed. He’s told you before how the floodgates just seem to pop open and all the feelings come rushing out when it comes to you. As such, you’ve gathered that he hasn’t been quite ready to face that yet and has been internalizing his hardships instead. You used to get frustrated by this, but after dating for so long, you understand that it’s simply his way of being able to deal with things. Eventually, he always comes around.

You quickly text back a ‘yes, of course’ and then pack up your things. You take a final sip of tea, hoist your bag over your shoulder, and then head out of the cafe. The Swing Entertainment building isn’t far and the weather is nice enough, so you decide to travel by foot.

When you reach the building, you make a wide arc towards the back. You expertly navigate between two tall bushes and climb over a decorative half-wall. It seems ridiculous and suspicious, but you’ve learned that sneaking in the back way is much easier than running into management in the lobby and potentially having them turn you away. Or worse, fangirls with cameras. You’d really rather not cause a scandal - for Hangyul or yourself.

As promised, he has left the side door leading into practice room 3 propped open by a crushed plastic water bottle. You glance around, doing a quick sweep of the area to ensure no dedicated fans or nosy photographers have caught sight of you. Satisfied you’re not being watched, you slip through the opening and then nudge the water bottle away with your foot, easing the door closed gently behind you.

Music echoes around the mostly empty room, punctuated by the occasional squeak of sneaker rubber scuffing against the wood floor. You lean against the back wall and watch silently. Hangyul is dancing, his shirt visibly soaked through with sweat. His hair is damp and matted; his bangs sticking flat against his forehead in piecey sections. There’s tension and intensity in the way he’s moving. It’s not fluid and natural like the way he usually dances. It’s forced and chaotic.

For a moment, he falters and his feet seem to get caught up beneath him. He goes down on one knee hard, his head hanging. Your breath automatically catches in your throat and you shake your head. You quickly cross the room, moving to the speaker that’s playing the music. You switch it off and then turn around, hands on your hips.

When the music suddenly stops, Hangyul looks up. At first his face is twisted into a grimace, but when his eyes find you, he breaks out into a grin and immediately pushes himself back up to his feet. He opens his arms wide, welcoming you for a hug, but you take a step back and squint at him.

“First of all, you’re gross right now,” you tease, gesturing at his sweat-stained shirt. “And second of all… are you trying to seriously injure yourself?”

You shake your head as he continues to approach, but then concede, leaning into his arms. He’s damp and he smells exactly as you’d expect, but you don’t really care. It feels good to have his warm body pressed against yours. It’s been too long. He hugs you tightly and kisses the top of your head. His arms are strong and muscular wrapped around your shoulders.

“I’m fine,” he says quietly. It’s what he always says, even when he’s not. “I just tripped.”

“Because you’re dancing like a maniac.”

“It’s a two-in-one choreo practice cardio workout! I’m multitasking.”

You pull away from his embrace and study his face. He’s smiling from ear to ear, but his color is off and there are dark circles under his eyes. They are tiny signs of his exhaustion that few would recognize. You do, of course.

“Here.” You pull your bag in front of you and fish out a bottle of iced barley tea and a pastry you’d purchased at the cafe. “Eat.”

You push them both into his hands and sit down, patting the floor next to you as an invitation. He sighs, but sinks down to the ground as well, opening up the tea drink.

“Ready to talk?” you ask, bumping your shoulder against his.

“About?”

You glare at him and reach for the tea, snatching it from his grip and taking a sip.

“How are things? How are the boys?” You hand him back the tea and rest your head against his shoulder.

“They’re okay, I guess? It’s hard to tell. A lot of us are still just getting to know each other.” He takes a bite of pastry and chews thoughtfully. “It’s difficult to separate normal debut stress from controversy stress.”

You nod because it’s all you can do. You can’t imagine juggling all the pressure. 

“Exhaustion is a good distraction,” he adds, stretching his legs out and flexing his ankles. He laughs, but you can see his eyes are starting to glisten with wetness. He’s one of the most soft-hearted people you know, but he hides it incredibly well.

“Everyone’s really proud of you,” you say, pulling away to face him with a smile. “You worked hard and you deserve this. And I’m sure Dohyon is super relieved to have you by his side.”

Hangyul blinks rapidly and shoves a giant piece of pastry in his mouth. He washes it down with some tea and then leans against you.

“It’ll be okay?” he asks.

“It’ll be okay,” you repeat, with confidence. “Now teach me some new moves.”

He grins, genuinely, and immediately hops to his feet. He reaches down and takes your hand, pulling you up as well. For the next hour, he teaches you some of the choreo to ‘Like Always.’ Dancing together is something you used to do all the time, back when his schedule was more open and you felt like a normal couple. You laugh until your doubled over when he physically moves your hips into the correct positions, repeatedly. It feels really good and you can’t help your heart from swelling with affection for him. You hope that your support offers him even just a little bit of comfort as he tries to navigate this new chapter of his life. He’s already been through so much and survived it resiliently. Because of that, you don’t worry. Not really. He’ll be okay.

[x1-drabbles]

“It Will Be Okay”

⇾ 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: seungwoo/reader

⇾ 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩: you’re dating a member of the hyung line. dealing with the recent controversy has been difficult for them. you comfort them the best you can as they all deal in their own ways. (each pairing will be posted separately. wooseok/reader up next.) 

⇾ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: angst? ig

Keep reading

[x1-drabbles]

Like Always

⇾ 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: seungyoun/wooseok ; seungseok + appearances by kim yohan, han seungwoo & lee hangyul

⇾ 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩: Wooseok and Seungyoun have been friends for a long time, but after a drunk confession, Wooseok wonders what happens next. Written for Yul with the prompt "a Seungseok AU fic where Seungyoun confesses to Wooseok drunk at a friends gathering then forgets about it the next day. "

⇾ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: none.

⇾ 𝙖/𝙣: I usually post my longer fics on AO3, so I just wanted to keep you guys updated on my new works!

.` ｡･:*`  READ IT HERE

[x1-drabbles]

“It Will Be Okay” [pt. 3]

⇾ 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: seungyoun/reader

⇾ 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩: you’re dating a member of the hyung line. the recent controversy has been difficult for them. you comfort them the best you can as they all deal in their own ways. (each pairing will be posted separately. hangyul/reader up next.)

⇾ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: none.

⇾ 𝙖/𝙣: part 1 (seungwoo/reader HERE.) ; part 2 (wooseok/reader HERE.) thank you so much for all the love. ♡♡♡

A loud tapping sound wakes you suddenly from a deep sleep. You sit up in bed, squinting into the darkness, your heart racing with adrenaline. You stay perfectly still, listening, wondering if maybe it had just been a vivid part of the dream you were having, but then it comes again.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Your head turns toward the direction of the sound, eyes moving to the window. Your stomach flips anxiously as your mind begins to assume the worst, immediately and unhelpfully conjuring images of serial killers and ghosts. The banging comes again, louder this time, and your terror mixes with curiosity. You slowly slip off the bed and creep over.

With a deep, shaky breath, you grip the edge of one curtain and pull it open, unsure of what to expect, your muscles tense with fear. As your eyes adjust to the darkness beyond the glass pane you see…

Seungyoun.

Seungyoun????

You yank the curtain fully open and unlatch the window before quickly pushing it up with a huff. He tilts his head and grins at your from behind the screen.

“Are you out of your freakin’ mind?” you whisper-yell, glancing over your shoulder at your alarm clock. The display reads 2:53am. Unbelievable.

“Probably,” he answers, matter of factly. He pouts at you behind the grate and you sigh, pushing your fingers into the latches that release the screen. You remove it and he instantly climbs in, rolling through the open window and colliding into you. You both tumble to the bedroom floor with a thud. You cringe at the loud rumble of sound that echoes through the silence, but his face is already buried in the crook of his arm, trying to muffle a burst of laughter.

“Hey, are you insane?! You’re going to wake my roommate!” you hiss, though you realize you can’t help yourself from starting to giggle as well. It’s all just so unexpected and ridiculous.

You both take a moment to collect yourselves, still sprawled out on your bedroom floor, your legs tangled together from the fall. Once you finally manage to quiet down, you sit up and smooth down the oversized t-shirt you’d worn as a pajama top, wishing you’d slept in something just a bit more flattering. Seungyoun doesn’t seem to care. He rolls over and twists around, moving so that he can rest his head on your lap.

“How did you even get here?” you ask, looking down at him, eyes wide in disbelief.

“I walked,” he answers evenly, as though it’s the most natural way he could’ve possibly traveled.

“It’s four miles!”

“I’m an idol!” he says, giving you a playful smirk. “I have strong legs and good stamina!”

You sigh because he’s not exactly wrong, but it’s also an extremely risky and unnecessary stunt. There’s almost a zero percent chance that he won’t get caught and reprimanded. But you also know that Seungyoun isn’t dumb. He knows the potential (and very probable) consequences. If he made the ridiculous trek here, in the middle of the night no less, it’s because he really needed to see you. 

You can’t pretend not to know why. It’s been difficult for him and his group mates since their debut. Recently, however, it seems that things are starting to come to a head and the investigation into MNet’s rigging scandal is gaining traction and attention. Seungyoun isn’t the type to bury his feelings and so you’ve already spoken at length on the phone and through video calls about the struggles X1 has been having with the backlash. You’re relieved to know he seems to be handling the negativity well, while keeping most of his focus on the positive, but you imagine it’s still an impossibly difficult situation and your heart hurts for him. You know all the things he’s endured just to get to this place. Seeing his happiness tarnished even slightly makes your blood run hot with frustration and anger.

You shake your head at him, but smile, running your fingers through his hair. Even if he’s breaking 25 different rules by being here, truthfully, you’re glad he is. You haven’t seen each other, physically and in person, since before he left for Thailand. You’ve missed him greatly and having him here in your bedroom given the current circumstances seems somewhat like a dream.

“So, how’s the crew holding up?” you ask, your voice soft and filled with genuine concern.

“Aish...” Seungyoun groans and rubs his hands over his face. “ Everyone’s just kind of dealing in their own way, I guess. Or, not dealing. They’re all on edge. Except Seungwoo-hyung who seems determined to keep everyone’s spirits up, even though we all know he’s hurting too.” Seungyoun pauses, resting his arm against his forehead and staring up at the ceiling. He sighs deeply.

“And you?”

He shrugs a little and blows a slow breath of air out from his lips.

“It’s annoying,” he admits. “But, honestly, I’m so busy and tired, it's hard to even find the time to really dwell on it. And when I’m on stage and the entire place is cheering for us and singing along to our songs and I look over and my bros are just putting all their passion and heart out there… ahh, how can I be anything but happy and grateful, you know? It’s not like any of us thought this was going to be easy.”

He scrunches up his face into a grin and you can’t help but return it, though your throat feels constricted with emotion. You’re so proud of him and constantly taken aback by how brightly he shines. In this moment, you feel so incredibly lucky not only to know him, but to share him with the world. Seungyoun is a radiant force, not meant to be hidden or held down, and even though he’d never admit it, you’re sure that he’s the glue helping hold X1 together right now.

“Hey, hey! It’ll be okay,” he says suddenly, sitting up. You find your fingers going to your face and as you touch your cheeks, you’re surprised to feel they’re damp. You aren’t quite sure when you started crying, but the obvious tracks of tears are there. You quickly go to wipe away at them, but Seungyoun gets there first, gently running his thumbs across your skin.

“Ah, this is so dumb!” You sniffle and clear your throat. “I’m supposed to be the one comforting you.”

He laughs, shaking his head, and pulls you into a warm embrace. His arms feel strong and steady around your shoulders.

“No, I think I like this better,” he whispers, before pressing a kiss into your hair.

You understand. Seungyoun finds his strength in comforting others. He doesn’t use it as a way to deflect or bury his own emotions, but rather as a way to share them. He feels most secure when he’s feeling needed; when he’s helping. It gives him confidence and assurance. You admire that about him.

“Listen,” he says, pulling back to look you in the eyes. “Don’t worry, okay? Honestly. Not every day is easy. Not every day is good. But, I’m not here by accident. Everything happens for a reason, right? Whatever happens, I’ll face it. And, I’ll come out on top.” 

He smiles so wide and so genuinely that it almost makes you start crying again. But you swallow back your tears and nod, returning his grin with as much love and affection as you can possibly muster.

You spend a bit more time together, sitting on the bedroom floor laughing as he recounts all the most ridiculous stories from their practices and daily life at the dorms. It feels good to be like this - just two normal people doing something so simple and mundane. But eventually, his phone starts blowing up. His absence has been discovered. Hangyul’s voice is loud and angry echoing through the speaker as he arranges for a car to come and retrieve him before the managers discover he’s gone. You offer to let him out through the front door, but Seungyoun insists on climbing back through the window. As he sits straddling the sill, he leans over and kisses you.

“It’ll be okay,” he repeats before adding a peck against your forehead.

And then he’s gone, like a last ray of light slipping into darkness. You quietly replace the screen and close the window, already missing his presence. But as you slide back into bed, beneath the sheets, you feel at ease. It’s hard not to believe him when he’s filled with such conviction, and so you do. It will be okay.

[x1-drabbles]

10 Songs I’ve Been Listening To

I was tagged by @asdfghjilysm !!

I promise to mostly only post fic on this account, but no one has ever tagged me in anything before, so pls just let me have this moment lol nnnn. ♡

1. Flash - X1 ( ♬ ) 2. Don’t Know What To Do - BlackPink ( ♬ ) 3. Baby Baby - Winner ( ♬ ) 4. Feel Special - Twice ( ♬ ) 5. Don’t Go Today - Han Seungwoo cover version ( ♬ ) 6. Illusion - Ateez ( ♬ ) 7. You Got It - X1 ( ♬ ) 8. Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi ( ♬ ) 9. Re:Rain - Aimer ( ♬ ) 10. X1-MA - Piano Version ( ♬ ) | when writing fic

[x1-drabbles]

“It Will Be Okay” [pt. 2]

⇾ 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: wooseok/reader

⇾ 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩: you’re dating a member of the hyung line. dealing with the recent controversy has been difficult for them. you comfort them the best you can as they all deal in their own ways. (each pairing will be posted separately. seungyoun/reader up next.)

⇾ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: angst? ig. mention of jinhyuk?

⇾ 𝙖/𝙣: part 1 (seungwoo/reader HERE.) ; thank you so much for all the love on my first post. ��♡♡

The text comes in at 11:44pm.

I’ll be there in 10.

You don’t need any extra details. You know exactly what that simple message means. You’d already turned in for the night about an hour ago and so you have to drag yourself out of bed, but it’s an effort you’re always willing to make for him. This is his unique (and vague) way of saying ‘i need you.’ Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you throw on a sweatshirt and slide on a pair of sneakers before heading outside to wait. You sit on the front step of your house, nervously picking at the frayed edges of your sleeves in between yawns, unsure of what to expect. Part of knowing Wooseok means knowing that he has a very varied way of responding to things and there’s really no way to prepare for what’s to come.

At 11:54pm exactly, a black, unmarked van rolls up. You know the drill, so you stand, but continue to wait on the step. The handler slowly exists from the driver’s side and gives you a slight bow before opening the sliding side door. That’s your queue. You cross the sidewalk, return the bow and then climb into the van. The door closes behind you before you can even take a seat.

Wooseok is sitting draped across the long bench at the back of the van, staring out the window, but he shifts slightly when you enter, making room for you to join him. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t even look directly at you. But you’re not bothered. It’s not an act meant to offend you. You know that he’s deep in thought and trying to process his emotions. You don’t need to pretend when it comes to each other. You don’t need to exchange empty pleasantries. So, you simply lean your head against his shoulder and wait. When he’s ready, you know he’ll talk.

It’s been impossible to ignore the controversy constantly swirling around the group. For awhile, you couldn’t pull yourself away from reading the fansites and social media and the gossip outlets, trying desperately to suss out a flaw in their logic or discover some nugget of evidence revealing this all to be an elaborate, cruel prank. But the stress of it was wearing you out, so you’ve stopped checking. The situation is too far out of your control.

If Wooseok has been bothered or hurting, he hasn’t let it show. He texted you like normal while X1 was in Thailand, sending you pictures and videos whenever he found the chance (mostly of himself, of course, but you’d never complain about that.) When he returned to Seoul, he promised to set up a way for you two to meet once his schedule died down a bit. Dating an idol isn’t easy and it requires a lot of trust and patience, but it’s something you’ve grown accustomed to. So you weren’t expecting an impromptu meeting so soon, though crazier rendezvous have happened before. 

He grabs your hand and holds it on his lap, still staring out the dark, tinted van window. He’s gripping your fingers tightly; not hard enough to hurt you, but hard enough for you to recognize the tension and anxiousness coursing through his body. You study what you can see of his face, but it’s blank, void of any discernible emotion. But then suddenly he kicks his foot out, his heel connecting with the seat in front of him with a loud crack. You jump, startled by the sound, and lift your head off his shoulder.

“It’s such bullshit,” he says flatly. He releases your hand and leans forward, dragging his fingers through his hair in frustration. “We can’t even defend ourselves. No one cares about our side. Not the public, not our companies, not the reporters.” He kicks out at the front seat again, though there’s less force and anger behind the gesture this time. You care, but you know that isn’t really helpful to share right now.

“Did I make the wrong choice? Was it greedy for me to go on the show?” His voice wavers with emotion, cracking slightly at the end of his questions. It causes him to suddenly sit straight up. For the first time since you climbed into the van, he looks directly at you, his eyes wide and almost fearful. You recognize this look. The mask is slipping.

Wooseok is a soft soul at heart, but it’s a truth he keeps carefully locked beneath a surface of self-assured confidence and projected professionalism. Put plainly, it’s a defense mechanism. A way for him to separate ‘Wooseok the idol’ from ‘Wooseok the regular guy who cries at the end of Titanic.’ But, every now and then, the emotions brim up over the top and a little sliver of the real Wooseok - a sentimental, protective, fiercely loyal man - slips out. You know that it terrifies him.

You grab his bewildered face between your hands and kiss him gently. When you pull away, it’s not completely. You rest your forehead against his and close your eyes. It’s all you can give him right now. Just a moment of privacy to cry or collect himself or do nothing if he so chooses.

“You followed your heart,” you say quietly. “I’m proud of you. You have thousands of fans who are proud of you. You should be proud of you. Don’t let anyone take that away.”

You feel his breath against your face followed by the drip of something wet. He’s crying. You keep your eyes closed. He doesn’t need to say it. You know what he’s thinking. You know him better than he knows himself.

“Jinhyuk is proud of you. He’s cheering you on. I know if you contacted him, he’d tell you himself.”

You hear Wooseok’s breath catch in his throat, twisting into a strangled sob and he collapses against you. With a sigh, you throw your arms around his shaking shoulders and rub soft circles against his back with your palms.

You stay like this for awhile. 5 minutes? 10? 20? You’re not sure. But eventually he stills and his breath returns to an even rhythm. A few minutes after that, he pulls away and sits back against the seat. His face is still blotchy and his eyes glassy and bloodshot, but he looks okay otherwise. He’s regained his composure. You give him a small smile, putting all your love and affection behind it. He exhales.

“So what did you think about our white outfits in Thailand? I looked damn good, eh?”

You laugh and shove him playfully.

A few moments later and the handler is knocking quietly at the door, letting you know your time is up. Wooseok throws an arm around your neck and kisses your temple before jokingly kicking you out of the van. It’s his way of saying thank you. It’s his way of letting you know it’ll be okay. And as you walk back up towards your house, the neck of your sweatshirt still slightly damp and smelling of his cologne, you believe him.

[x1-drabbles]

“It Will Be Okay”

⇾ 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: seungwoo/reader

⇾ 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩: you’re dating a member of the hyung line. dealing with the recent controversy has been difficult for them. you comfort them the best you can as they all deal in their own ways. (each pairing will be posted separately. wooseok/reader up next.) 

⇾ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: angst? ig

You sit at your desk, waiting for the telltale chime of the video call on your laptop, nervously shredding a piece of scrap paper between your fingers. You shouldn’t feel so anxious, but you do. It hasn’t been easy to watch things unfold from the sidelines and all you want to do is protect him from the wave of hate and negativity. You want to take away his phone and shield him from the internet. You want to physically fight the higher-ups at MNet for the absolute mess they’ve made. Your mind is distracted by these thoughts and so when the ring comes through the speakers, you jump slightly, even though you’ve been expecting it. You hesitate, preparing yourself, the mouse hovering over the answer button. You know that you need to be strong and supportive. You need to keep your own emotions in check. He’s been that person for you so many times, now it’s your turn to be there for him.

With a deep breath, you slide a bright grin into place and accept the call. As usual, the screen is blurry and distorted for a moment, but then Seungwoo comes into focus. He offers a half-hearted wave, but you’re immediately distracted by the red puffy circles around his eyes. It reminds you of the time he tried to do his own make-up for an interview and had an allergic reaction to the old, cheap shadow he’d found at the bottom of his bag. But you know this isn’t the result of poorly applied, expired make-up. You know he’s hurting and it kills you. Of course, there’s no need to dance around the subject, not between the two of you. You dig your nails into your palms, readying yourself to speak in a cheerful tone.

“Hey, you. Hanging in there?” you ask. You tilt your head and offer a sympathetic smile. He’s clearly going through it, but it’s not the absolute worst shape you’ve ever seen him in and that makes you feel a little more at ease.

Seungwoo starts to nod, but then it switches directions and turns into a head shake instead. His bottom lip trembles and he quickly tilts his head back, looking up towards the ceiling of his hotel room. You can see the way his throat constricts and you know he’s holding back tears. You wait quietly, giving him time to collect himself. After a minute, he blows a burst of air through his lips and then looks back down towards the camera, forcing a small smile.

“It’s... fuckin’ hard,” he admits, his voice strained with emotion. “I feel like I’m holding everything together. Barely.” You know exactly what he means. After dating for as long as you have you know him better than anyone. You’re sure he’s spent the entire day being positive, putting on a brave face and comforting the rest of the members. “I just don’t know what happens next. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say to them sometimes.”

You lean back in your chair and pull your knees up to your chest. Hugging your arms around your legs you nod, listening to him vent. The truth is that you don’t know those things either and you won’t even begin to pretend you know how he feels. But you do know that he’s amazing and talented and so kind and eventually the whole world will recognize that.

“It’ll be okay,” you say with a small shrug. It’s a simple, generic response, but you honestly believe it to be the truth. “Just take it one day at a time. Focus on what’s important and being the best you can be. You guys have a ton of support and plenty of people that love you, whether you’re an idol or not.” You point a finger towards yourself and stick out your tongue playfully. Even though his eyes are still damp with emotion, he grins and you recognize it as genuine. He’ll be okay. They all will be. You know it.

“They don’t deserve this, you know? This should be such a happy time for all of us, but we can’t catch a break. I just want them to be able to rely on me, as their hyung. As their leader.” His voice sounds stronger now and less affected. He brushes his hair away from his eyes and you can see the fire and passion reignited in them. He’s regained his composure. Your heart aches. You’re so proud of him and you hate that anyone could make him doubt himself when he’s trying so damn hard. You clear your throat.

“Seungwoo… being the leader doesn’t mean you always have to be strong for them. You’re supposed to lead and sometimes that means showing them it’s okay to be upset and angry and emotional too.”

“Ahhh… I know, I know,” he replies, scrunching his nose up at you through the screen. You’re not sure he does know, though. He’s the type to take on too much, carry too heavy a burden, suffer alone so that he can spare others from suffering. 

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. No matter what, you’ll always have one huge fan cheering you on.” You give an exaggerated wink into the webcam and it makes him laugh. You love the sound of it.

“Let’s meet up as soon as I get back to Seoul. I’ll give you an autograph,” he teases.

“Let’s do that,” you agree. You exhale, feeling relieved. He will be okay. They all will be.